#or having to jam it on anyway and hope the compression will ease the swelling all the same

[iusedtohavesixtoes]

As I called my orthotist this week to reschedule my appointment for adjustments on my new(ish) prosthetic leg for the second time this week, I got to thinking about @lemonbronze’s missing limb Seteth.

Some thoughts and experiences I have had that I have projected onto Seteth under the cut.

Seteth waking up in a panic and swinging his legs over the bed and standing, just to fall back onto the it when there’s nothing to catch his balance.

Phantom limb pain, being sent back to how his injury came to be.

The soreness of the stump, the jagged scars. Not moving for days and the swelling.

Because of the swelling, the prosthetic not fitting.

Having to travel to get adjustments, not getting any changes made for decades for fear of his daughter asleep and being alone. Broken artificial limbs staring at him, useless and awkward. Being unable to function, and having to figure out ways to survive with only one leg.

Centuries of this until he was invited to the monastery. Quietly confessing worries, and Rhea bringing in the best prosthetist.

Seteth stumbling back to life.

[woodelf68]

Not sure if or when you're going to hear from me again; I have a leg clot and the leg's in really bad shape as far as pain and swelling, and the big problem is, the last time anything a doctor ever prescribed for me worked was probably like 30 years ago. Pain meds and anti inflammatories don't work, blood pressure pills caused difficulty breathing and a racing, pounding heart. I've had s badly swollen right leg for years, and looked into getting compression stockings a long time ago -- but they're all nylon based, and guess what one of my many allergies is? (Absolutely could not wear nylon against the skin, and my leg was already swollen beyond the largest size offered anyway.) So...heading for the hospital days after I should have (for reasons see details under the cut) with the leg having gotten even worse and not having even a tiny hope that the blood thinners and whatever else the doctors are going to try to get the swelling down are going to have the slightest effect.

Woke up around 5 am Tuesday night, excruciating pain in my leg when I tried to move to get out of bed. It went all the way up from my ankle to my groin, my best guess was it had somehow twisted badly and spasmed in my sleep? I'd already been in severe pain for the previous two days after one of the top bones of my spine went out, so my skull was locked in a tilted forward position, couldn't really open my mouth, too nauseous to eat anyway, felt like I was on the verge of constantly throwing up, too dizzy to even just read fic. So I went into the chiropractor; unfortunately I need someone to give me a ride, I chose the closer one who is okay as a maintenance guy if you keep up a regular schedule, but I hadn't been able to get in a couple of months (not through lack of trying! he keeps much shorter hours than he used to and has recently been going out of town a lot), My better, original chiropractor, is a much longer drive away, but he actually puts his hands on you and feels the bones and makes sure your neck will turn in both directions. The one I saw just does a visual check and I should have stressed more exactly in which way my head felt locked, because I left not feeling any better and with no advice on my leg either. And I am 100% sure that the further away chiropractor would have heard my leg pain symptoms and known exactly what was wrong, because he had already noticed my leg swelling and remarked on it in the past and asked what was being done about it. (Trying without success to get blood pressure down was the answer at the time.) And his office is really close to the hospital, so I could have gone in the ER right after I left. Plus HE would have actually used his hands to make sure my neck was turning in all the directions it was supposed to and that would have been fixed.

As it was, I was left to do my own internet research when I got home, and a niggling memory from somewhere led me to look up blood clots, and the symptoms were a perfect match. Unfortunately, with my skull still jammed forward and tilted down, had another day/night of constant nausea, dizziness, diarrhea whenever I tried to force a few nibbles of anything down, plus the intense leg pain. Wasn't sure I'd be able to get out, but was desperate enough to try a bath to see if that would help the leg. And while I was actually in the bath, yeah the pain was so much better if I lay still (although I was also trying to press the swelling upwards like a stocking would have). Was in there a long time, by the time I got out the high barometric pressure was dropping, which allowed some of the congestion pressure in my forehead to ease, which helped the nauseas, and the swelling around the base of my skull to ease just enough that I was able to get my jaw to click a tiny bit wider open, enough that I was able to manage a very small and rather mushy cut up apple and a few slices of thin cut lunchmeat on some soft white bread. First thing I'd had in days, and my stomach immediately startling gurgling madly and kept it up for hours, but it stayed down and I collapsed exhausted into bed in the early morning. It had nearly been 48 hours since I'd slept, and that kind of seemed the most important thing at the moment. Got up around sunset. Leg no better, possibly worse, but was able to eat a soft but normal size meal without a problem. (neck still an issue but bearable atm.) Thurs. night realised I couldn't go to my dr's office, since they no longer open on Fridays at all, so the plan was go straight to the hospital Saturday, but after being up all night Friday, was really sweaty and in horrible pain and hoped a bath would help at least somewhat again, but the leg was in so much worse shape by then it didn't really and having to keep the water so much colder than comfortable because it felt scalding on the swollen leg made me feel even worse. Didn't think I'd ever be able to get out of the tub, because the right leg just wouldn't bend back at all, and I was so exhausted by the time I'd dried off and dressed as much as possible, I had to lay down briefly just to catch my breath. The pain is agonising, can't even touch the skin let alone pull up a sock and nothing will fit on my foot as far as footwear goes. I've probably been up thirty hours by now, having trouble breathing and just finally had a bowl of cereal while I wrote this because I didn't just want to disappear and I don't have any mobile devices if I end up checked into the hospital for weeks or even die. Blood clot reaching the heart or lungs is a big possibility if the blood thinners don't work, getting covid also is since I couldn't get vaccinated due to a screwed up immune system. Can't wear any of the synthetic masks (allergic reactions to them all) and never found a cotton one that fit that I could breath through, and I have spent so much time looking for alternate styles that didn't suck into my mouth with every breath (can't breathe through nose at all, ever). Was hopeful for a tutorial I saw online but getting fabric took time and I was still trying to work out the mask pattern because I stopped being able to see out of my one old contact that was all I had left or my glasses and it's been all I could do just to survive each day atm. So all I've got is a single thin layer mask that I cobbled together that first week of lockdown when anything was better than nothing and we needed groceries, it gets soaked through very quickly and was just good enough for a super quick run into the grocery store once a week and that's it, there have been times I've felt on the verge of passing out while wearing it as it is due to having breathing issues while NOT wearing a mask. I won't be able to leave it on the whole time I'm at the hospital and if I get covid...pretty sure I'm going to die.

I wanted to get out in the afternoon and now it's 11:30 pm and my dad is like 'just wait till tomorrow' and that there will be no doctors at the hospital till morning but I'm pretty sure that would risk losing my leg or my life, it's that bad and he has no idea how it feels. He doesn't want to drive in the dark, which is understandable, and I'm like fine, I don't expect you to, I will call an ambulance, so...I'm just so tired and want to go to sleep. And I can't, and won't be able to for a long time. And my multiple chemical sensitivities kick in every time I've been in a hospital, to the point where I had to walk out after waiting for hours in a room after going there for breathing trouble; literally as soon as I got out of there and into the car with some cool air blowing on my was the first full breath I'd been able to take since I got there. So I'm scared, and I don't know what's going to happen, and I just wanted to post this so I just don't disappear; tumblr and the people I met here have been my only link to the outside world since I became almost entirely housebound about five years ago, and the only reason I keep struggling at life. Wish me luck.

(Please don't reblog this.)