#ot always strikes me how comfortable i am being gay online but as soon as I'm confronted w real life

[starburstfloat]

I don't think I realized up until recently just how exhausting it would to keep up a straight persona at work here in Korea. It keeps taking me aback how much effort goes into nodding and smiling along to coworkers asking me about my ideal boyfriend/future husband, what I think about x type of of guy, etc, and the mental loopholes I have to quickly jump through before answering. I keep wondering, was that too little enthusiasm? Too much? Can they tell? Would they be disgusted?

One of my coworkers asked if I've ever been in love and my heart sank because yes, the only person I ever fell in love with was a girl miles and miles away, and it broke my heart when it didn't work out, and frankly it's something I'm still coming to terms with, nearly two years later, but all I could do was shake my head and laugh it off. "Guess I'm too young for that," I joke. It's only lunch hour and I wish I could disappear.