#other than that idk. maybe something family related. the autism makes me SO hesitant to get a fandom tattoo

[steal-this-album]

i need 2 get another tattoo NEOW

[abbaswift]

hi. i was just looking through your blog and realised that you’re autistic. i suspect i might also be autistic, so i wonder how your diagnosis went. at the moment, it is not possible for me to get an official diagnosis (financial issues lol), so if it’s okay for you, what were some of the signs/symptoms you noticed?

hi anon! autism was first talked about when i was about eleven and i was diagnosed when i was fourteen

i don’t remember a lot about my diagnosis (i refused to even speak ha) or why autism was suspected so can’t help you much there unfortunately. i think the doctor asked my teachers and relatives and diagnosed me based on that

family and teachers became aware of my issues because i wasn’t attending school, and was well behaved at school but very avoidant (i have a demand avoidance profile), there were a lot of “quirky” childhood stories that in hindsight make sense, i was very exact and literal about things (like if people say something will take a minute, i’d count to sixty and get upset if it wasn’t exactly sixty seconds). i was very particular about grammar rules from a young age (….believe it or not….) and i hated change and eye-contact and didn’t understand social cues, typical autism stuff i guess

my autism definitely looks different as an adult (but i’m also in a lower stress environment so idk how that has affected it), as a child/teenager i had a lot of meltdowns and frequently felt like i was misunderstood and painted in a bad light for things that were out of my control. now i’m a lot happier, but the autism is still huge in my life (as it always will be). i don’t count to sixty anymore but still have that feeling of wishing people say what they mean.

the biggest issue i have is probably sensory overload, i just feel like i notice sounds in particular more than anyone else i know and it really affects me, i can’t concentrate if i can hear any little noise like the electric buzzing or clocks ticking. if i’m in a busy room chatting to people, i can’t tune out the extra noise so i really struggle to process what people are saying and everyone else seems to be managing fine?? whenever i socialise i feel like i need a day to prepare and a day to recover, it’s so draining. i also have a huge germ / food contamination phobia which is probably related

it’s not all bad, i promise (and it might be very different for you). personally i love applying my logical mind and seeing patterns others don’t, special interests can be great too (when i’m not supposed to be focusing on other things).

i do think that official diagnosis can be really helpful, even just to know you’re not making it up i guess? it’s quite validating. but obviously there are plenty of barriers to diagnosis like cost and time (especially for women and people of colour) and autism is there regardless of whether a doctor acknowledges it. i have a ten year old sister who is right now in the early stages of being referred for diagnosis, it might just be a uk issue but even with obvious traits and family history (me), it’s still taken a long time to get the referral, so i know for a fact how complicated getting diagnosed can be.

if potential autistic symptoms are really impacting your life, maybe your ability to work or learn, and you need proof of diagnosis to get accommodations or even just understanding from people around you, then yeah, get diagnosed when you can. otherwise, maybe just talk to people you trust about what you suspect if you haven’t already. sometimes it’s good to get another person’s point of view. i’ve found that even when the people i was close to weren’t too knowledgeable about autism, they could usually tell that i wasn’t neurotypical.

anyway, essay over. i wish you all the luck in the world with figuring it out and please don’t hesitate to send me another ask or a dm MWAH X

[meggtheegg]

evan hansen, sam wilson, & wanda maximov?

ohh man this one's gonna get long so i'll put it under a read more :D

evan:

favorite thing about them

his sincere desire to make sure everyone is okay. half of his problems stem from that one need, but it's ultimately what makes him set things right, too.

least favorite thing about them

there are many obvious character flaws that i could point out, but the most overlooked one is that he goes off his fucking meds without telling anyone that shit is dangerous and should not be treated as anything but that.

favorite line

"dear evan hansen, today is going to be a good day and here's why. because today, no matter what else, today at least you're you. no hiding. no lying. just... you. and that's. that's enough. maybe someday, everything that happened will all feel like a distant memory. maybe someday no one will remember about the connor project. or me. maybe someday, some other kid is going to be standing here, staring out at the trees, feeling so...alone, wondering if maybe the world might look different from all the way up there. better. and maybe he'll start climbing, one branch at a time, and he'll keep going. even when it seems like he can't find another foothold. even when it feels... hopeless. like everything is telling him to let go. this time...maybe this time, he won't let go. he'll just hold on...and keep going. he'll keep going until he sees the sun."

brOTP

evan and zoe should be friends, and even if that's super unrealistic, i will still hold onto that

OTP

evan x going back on his gosh darn meds

nOTP

i've never really seen an evan ship that bothers me, actually

random headcanon

i've said it a million times and i will say it again, this kid has autism, and no one will ever convince me otherwise (side-eyes steven levenson and ben platt)

unpopular opinion

evan is neither a horrible kid or a smol uwu anxious bean. he's a mentally ill teenager, who should be treated with the nuance and understanding that deserves.

also, the kiss at the end of ywbf kills all the emotion and power of the song so quickly, why has it not been taken out yet

song i associate with them

kill the ghost - motherfolk

favorite picture of them

(i am so sorry, i had to share this picture with the world it makes me laugh every time)

sam:

favorite thing about them

what is there not to love about sam wilson, honestly? if i have to pick something, it's probably his adaptability. captain america trolling him on his morning run? okay, let's talk to him about his trauma. he and black widow show up at his door saying everyone's trying to kill them? let them in and make them breakfast, if they eat that kind of thing. being hunted by some masked assassin? time to bring a knife to a gunfight and win, i guess. the masked assassin is cap's best friend? well, time to drop everything and search the world for him and become an avenger. superheroes have to register with the government, now? well, guess it's time to become a fugitive and go on the run for a few years. cap is an old man, half the world has gone on without him for five years, and now he's supposed to be captain america? well, he'll hesitate to take up the mantle, but good for steve. the masked assassin that tried to kill him is part of his found family now? sure, whatever. invite him to the cookout. i think that literally nothing could surprise this man, by now, and he just keeps doing what he feels is right without even stopping to question it.

least favorite thing about them

honestly, i don't even know. some of the stuff he says to bucky feels uncharacteristically unsympathetic, in civil war and the beginning of tfatws, but also like,,,usually he's not wrong, he's just kind of blunt about it??? idk man i love sam wilson.

oh, and i guess the cowl on his cap suit looks kinda dumb and uncomfortable

favorite line

"the only power i have is that i believe we can do better."

that's sam summed up in one line, right there. he's a normal guy surrounded by superheroes and yet he holds his own and stands out because he's so sincere and dedicated and good that it doesn't even matter

brOTP

sam and steve. we should've gotten more of them hanging out, honestly. they were great together.

OTP

sambucky, baybee! for all the reasons i listed in my answer for bucky :)

nOTP

another one i can't think of anything for. i guess sam/tony, if anyone ships that???

random headcanon

sam was actually pretty quiet, as a kid. he kind of let sarah do the talking for him. it wasn't until they got older that he started becoming more talkative and developing his sense of humor

unpopular opinion

sam did make mistakes in tfatws. bucky wasn't the only one to screw up. that was what made their reconciliation so nice. yeah, bucky was being way more of an asshole about the shield than sam was about anything, but that doesn't mean he was perfect 100% of the time, and that's good. that's what makes him human and relatable.

song i associate with them

come on, there's no way i can't say trouble man, here.

favorite picture of them

wanda

favorite thing about them

her gentle kindness. especially in civil war, there's something so soft and genuine about her that's just immediately endearing.

least favorite thing about them

the way that closing scene in wandavision implied she still may become a villain, despite having that option and rejecting it at the cost of her family, earlier that same episode. it just felt...wrong.

favorite line

"i can't control their fear. only my own."

i probably quote this line way too often. it's just....chef's kiss

(honorable mention goes to: "I don't even know who you are." "You will.")

brOTP

i so wish agatha hadn't become a one-dimensional villain in the last episode, because their friendship, however fake, was really sweet.

but also her friendship with the rest of team cap, especially steve, was also really lovely and i wish we could've gotten more of that

OTP

🎶WANDAVISION, WA-WANDAVISION, WANDAVISION WA-WANDAVISION...WANDAVISION!!"🎶

nOTP

wanda/pietro....just...ew....

random headcanon

despite her love for the genre, the two sitcoms she could never watch were alf and gilligan's island. the themes of being trapped somewhere without your family, no matter how funny the circumstances, just hit too close to home.

unpopular opinion

they shouldn't have aged wanda up to match lizzie's actual age. i know it was never officially stated anywhere until wandavision, but in aou and civil war, she was heavily implied to be a teenager, and honestly, that would've made everything about her character both hit harder and make way more sense. she could have been in her late teens-early 20s by the time wandavision rolled around, but having her in her late 20s-early 30s just doesn't fit all the comments about her being a kid/going to high school/etc. making her younger would mean that her decision to join hydra was the misinformed decision of a traumatized teenager, rather than a grown woman, and could have tied into tfatws and karli, which could then expand into an actual examination of why young people are willing to go to such extremes to make change and that could have been really interesting.

song i associate with them

razzmatazz - i don't know how but they found me

favorite picture of them