#ough ow i hurt myself with this

[robbiethompsonlongcon]

so does anybody else see carlos a bit as like deans... ideal self? or self insert? lil bit like deans mary sue (honorific)? like how dean would like to be, or how he wants to perceive himself? or at least the version of dean we perceive together as a fandom's ideal self? not literally, i don't think dean is creating the characters or making the story up diagetically as the New Chuck or anything, but in that way the OG show sometimes does metatextual parallels between two characters who otherwise have no control over the narrative.

carlos is.. beloved by all. disaster bisexual. gender!! so much gender!! genderweird, genderfastandloose, genderplayful. unbound by gender roles entirely. a wonderful tapestry of masculine, feminine, both and neither. truly knows who he is, and is comfortable with that identity. celebratory of it, even! hes got it, hes gonna flaunt it. tastefully slutty. constant quips. sassy as fuck. so charismatic it hurts. talented performer. incredible hunter. frequently pokes at his beloved, sibling-type lorenerd hunting partner about her books. selfless and loving as thee central personality trait, buried under a layer of protective bravado. but also very aware he is very pretty and very talented. competent!!! but knows his strengths, and plays to them. nurturing. free and wild and a little reckless, a little superficial but never in truly harmful ways. if carlos goes or stays, it's because he wants to, he decided for himself, not because anyone told him to. willing to express boundaries. getting therapy. not afraid of feelings. do no harm take no shit. and just. so, so, SO very cool. in every way. even the "nerdy" things about him are cool. he's flawed, imperfect, but that's kinda what makes him ideal. he's just so.. real.

plus, john actively loves him, and loves him for who he is. john leans on him for support, sometimes even takes his advice. and he never tells carlos who to be or how to act. john and carlos are friends, they're FAMILY. john never tries to make carlos more like himself, at least he hasn't so far. carlos can be as silly, as emotional, as nonconforming, as distractable as he wants and john, at worst, breezes past it. lets him be himself. oftentimes john just supports him. john RESPECTS him. sees him as a worthwhile and complete individual, a valuable member of the team. they're like brothers. and why wouldn't dean want to be like brothers with his dad? it's not weird for him, he's already something of a dad to his brother. the boundaries between brothers and fathers and sons are already blurred for dean, and have been since he was four years old. and his relationship with bobby is more fluid than fatherfigure and son, too. bobby is father figure, uncle, coworker, mentor/teacher, childhood friend, war buddy and co-conspirator. in fact, none of deans relationship roles are so clear cut. and for all his complicated feelings about john, and all his traumas.. at his core he really does want johns respect and affection. marys, too, to be fair. carlos has both.

and then there's the story line in 1x08. carlos was given a Mark that forces him to kill, took the Mark in order to stop a dangerous and malicious entity from wanton murder before knowing the full terms and ramifications. the whole team researched the Mark and tried to find ways to get rid of the curse. but when push came to shove, they failed. the entity behind the curse was a lot more powerful than they thought. so carlos's options were either: to do what the Mark and the entity wanted and choose a victim's life to take, satisfying the conditions of the Mark and hope the entity didnt move the goalposts. or to say, nah. the life i choose to take is my own. and for once, that was the right answer!! carlos saved the day and defeated the enemy not by fighting, not by the deaths loved ones or innocents, not by cutting losses or solving for x, but by refusing to play, by sacrificing himself. and just being willing to was enough, he didn't have to actually die. carlos won. by giving up. nobody died because of carlos' decision to take on the burden from jericho, nor his decision to turn it inward. when carlos called the shots, everybody lived.

every time dean tries that, it backfires spectacularly, and usually winds up getting just as many people hurt or killed as the callous and selfish option would have. dean wants to be good and selfless so badly that he often rushes straight to self sacrifice. hes like plan a) ask nicely whoops i forgot to be nice. well that failed OK PLAN B) martyrdom. it's like, every time dean is faced with the trolley problem, his first answer is to throw himself in front of the trolley. as though he thinks the trolley is going to be satisfied and just disappear. or at least this way he won't have to see what happens next.

in carlos' situation, that was the LAST resort, not one of the first. they really were in a kill-or-be-killed, 11th hour hailmary situation. they tried everything else. the trolley was upon them. and carlos chose to die, not out of a wanton desire to prove his worth/worthlessness or martyr himself, but because they DID try every other thing they could first. it was a last resort! carlos DID NOT WANT to die, he wanted to save everybody, including himself! he had thoroughly considered the possibility that he would have to die, but he put that on the furthest backburner. he didn't want to die, but when it came down to it, he said, i won't be manipulated and i wont play god. back me into a corner, twist my arm, i won't do it. fuck you, i won't be your plaything. deans whole thing is that he doesn't wanna be anybodys plaything! not chuck's, not azazel's, not even john's. and he always is. and giving up never works for him. he never gets to choose. hes trapped in the game against his will. he doesn't even want to win the game, he just wants to quit playing. but the rules are that if he doesn't play, that's still playing, and he loses. if he does play, he loses. its rigged. there's no winning and no forfeit for dean. but for carlos, there was both this time. quitting was winning. everybody lives. the ideal outcome, if your name is dean winchester.

carlos is everything dean wishes he could be, or wishes he could believe he was. brave, strong, confident, smart, funny, drop dead gorgeous, selfless, complicated, sensitive, intuitive, comfortable, endearing. and he wins the way dean always wished he could.

[katierosefun]

[deep breath] not me suddenly getting hit by tcw feelings in this year 2024 but like. truly ough i love likening ahsoka and anakin and obi-wan's entire dynamic as tragic siblings because that's the closest approximation we have to it but also just like. there's tragic siblings because they're the ones you're supposed to joke with and play with and look up to when it seems like everything is falling apart.

and then there's the whole tragic student-teacher element to all of it and maybe it's just like. i look up to you i owe you so much i know you've only ever tried and wanted to make me better i know you saw something in me worth cultivating and keeping you exasperate me sometimes because why the hell do i need to know this kind of stuff why the hell are you nitpicking this kind of stuff why do you care so much about why i succeed or not you're not my parent and i don't want you to be my parent but also you helped me learn more about myself and the world than i've ever realized. can i ask for your opinion about this later. can i still ask you for help on this problem.

and then the whole flip side of that is like. you were someone who mentored me and taught me and now you're a monster i barely know or recognize and how could you do this how could you say that how could you hurt me like this i know you think you're doing the right thing and you're so much older and wiser and i'm still waiting at the door like a little kid but also i don't think being taught lessons is meant to feel like this and i can't tell if i'm still acting childish or if maybe, more horrifyingly, everyone who warned me about you was right and you really are a monster and you've taught me how to be a monster and what do i do now and i guess i just have to grapple with the fact that you molded me and shaped me and if you broke off one of my arms while doing that, then who am i to tell

[rexscanonwife]

Ough trying to distract myself from tummy hurt but RAAAAGGHHH trying to think of s/i ideas for Venture...👉👈 idk it'd be kinda cool to be an ow hero but I also like the idea of being like. Someone who works at a museum that they frequently make donations to, and at the same time I love the idea of being someone who studies ancient paintings/forms of art and goes with them on archeological digs, or maybe a librarian with access to archives that contain old maps that they could use

EITHER WAY IDK I JUST WANNA BE ALL CUTE AND FLIRTY WITH THEM 🥺🥺💖💖💖

[polyamorous-eclipse-federation]

Allies or Enemies by The Crane Wives is sooooo lawlight. Specifically L POV directly after Light regains his memories

“Are we allies or enemies? This will be the death of me

Remember when I could tell you not to smile when you were mad? And you would always crack And we’d both be laughing in the end Now you’re not so quick to forget”

Like AUGH. yep! Not sure what’s gonna happen next, who’s gonna do it, is he gonna die? He knows that someone’s not getting out of this alive. Is he dying literally? Or a metaphorical death of like. If you were here when I discovered phantoms by mariana’s trench know I’m obsessed with like. Them still “dying” when they have to go on living without each other. and like. The remember part being L reminiscing on when he and light. Well. They didn’t get along. But they had to work together and clearly they got along well enough to share a living space for however many months. Whereas now light remembers being Kira again. And so he’s not intentionally acting different but L can tell, L can read him to know how he holds onto resentments more, how he remembers more. OUGH. AUG. OW. I’m hurting myself. Actually wait I started in the middle but let’s go over the beginning too.

“The words I speak are wildfires and weeds They spread like some awful damn disease I swear I didn’t mean what I said I swear I didn’t mean it

Now listen close, you owe me ears for dropping eaves Forget it all, you caught me in a moment weak Sometimes I just can’t help myself Sometimes I can’t help myself at all”

You have to stretch your imagination a bit but this is very rain scene and a bit foot scene. You know from the anime, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t in the manga but idk I haven’t gotten to that part of the manga yet. Anyway! L being unsure of his words and thoughts, a moment of weakness, Very much that part of ep 25 when they’re on the rooftop in the rain and also a bit L in the infamous foot scene, though it’s not quiiitee right for that. Or we’ll everything is good for that but like there’s not Enough for that. There’s a lot going on there. But that’s what the rest of the song is for! Ok now back where we left off at the start of the post.

“Are we allies or enemies? This will be the death of me This will be the death of me All is fair in love and war, but I can’t fight with you anymore This will be the death of me”

Aaaaa. He wants to stop but he knows if he does he’s dead. He wants to just keep playing his games with Light, but he knows they’re at the finish line, if they keep playing they will reach the end and someone’s gonna die. He doesn’t want to stop playing, but he either stops now and whatever Kira is planning takes him out, or he keeps going an either he dies anyway or light does. The game is ending soon but he just wants to keep going, but he can’t, he can’t fight with light much longer, and he’s not even sure whether he wants to, if that’s the game he even wants most, but it’s the only one he has and there’s no other options. Someone’s gonna die and it’s probably gonna be him.

“What happens now? Do we have another go? Do we bow out and take our separate roads? I’ll admit I’ve had my doubts But I want to be let in, not out But I want to be let in, not out”

he’s not sure what’s gonna happen next. He’s not sure what he wants to happen next. he’s had his doubts about the Kira case before, but now he knows he’s right, and he doesn’t wanna stop just cause he’s confident he’s right, because he knows there’s more, he knows they’re more to see and understand, things he’s never even considered possible, and he wants to know and understand everything. He needs to know everything there is to know about Light and Kira, and he’s not sure which intrigues him more, but he’s not ready for there game to stop, for them to part ways. But he knows they will, he’s to smart to think this ends any other way. One of them is dying. He knows himself, and he knows Kira, and so he knows that this cannot end with both of them still standing.

I’m obesssedd with them!!! New song for my lawlight playlist aw yeah. Also the song is really good I’m gonna listen to more of the band this is pretty cool

[esics]

so for letters in english to make sense we need a slew of vowels

i suggest q, c, x be made into vowels. we stop using "g" for "j" and same for other letters we could just yooz what it sounds like

ph should be f. seriously guys <also whats that abomination?

maybe add some consonants and vowels for ch, th, ou, ow, ough, sh, aw, au, augh, (i like this part of post i look like im repeatedly hurting myself)

remove letters like in "meat" it can just be met or whatever new letter we decided makes the long e sound.

silent letters can stay just because i said so but they do literally nothing to the word now

[bearthdaypxrty]

☞ MEET THE MUSE.

RULES: Don’t reblog, repost.

☞  TAGGED BY: stolen borrowed from @cosmosfated (again :3c)

☞  TAGGING: a nice mug of coffee

► NAME ➭ “It’s go-ood old Funtime Freddy!”

► ARE YOU SINGLE? ➭ “Well uh, I don’t wa-anna jump to conclusions, but me and Sayori are ge-etting along.”

► ARE YOU HAPPY? ➭ “Ri-ight now? I guess ye-eah I am.”

► ARE YOU ANGRY?  ➭ “Nah! I go-ot BonBon with me!”

► ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL MARRIED? ➭ “As far as I’m co-oncerned, my creator hasn’t gotte-en married yet. Not that I’d care.”

☞ NINE FACTS!

► ‘BIRTH’ PLACE ➭ “My creator’s time-eline. ... not the pla-ace you should go to for a vacation.”

► HAIR COLOR ➭ “Aw gee, no ha-air for me! I guess white and pu-urple suit counts. Oh, and blu-ue for BonBon of course!”

>►EYE COLOR➭ “Blue fo-or me! Magenta for BonBo-on!”

► BIRTHDAY ➭ “December 9th.”

► MOOD ➭ “I co-ould really go for a game of Ca-ards Against Humanity right no-ow!”

► GENDER ➭ “Male. Both of u-us.”

► SUMMER OR WINTER ➭ “Neither of the-em to their extremes, but if I ha-ad to choose I’d pick Wi-inter!”

► MORNING OR AFTERNOON ➭ “I’m not a pi-icky bear! Hahaha!”

☞ EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE!

► ARE YOU IN LOVE? ➭ “Um well, eheh.. ma-aybe I am.” (BonBon: “He totally is.”)

► DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? ➭ “As nice as it so-ounds, nope! You can get infatuation and pa-assion at first sight, and ne-either of them are the same thing as love. Love takes ti-ime to be born!”

► WHO ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP? ➭ “There hasn’t been su-uch occasion yet, and I hope it ne-ever comes!”

► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART? ➭ “Well, ho-opefully not. I’d never mea-an it! If I ever meant it, then it’d be extre-emely literal, hahahah!!”

► ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENTS? ➭ “Um. Ju-ust a little bit. Nothing too bi-ig! Sometimes I just get a li-ittle anxious about whether I can keep up to a commi-itment I made or not, you kno-ow?”

► HAVE YOU HUGGED SOMEONE WITHIN THE LAST WEEK? ➭ “Scoopin’ yes! All the-e bear hugs!!”

► HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SECRET ADMIRER? ➭ “How am I su-upposed to know if I have a secre-et admirer? They’re secret!”

► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN YOUR OWN HEART? ➭ “I ma-ay have gotten ahead of myself and ende-ed up disappointing myself sometimes bu-ut, nothing too big or dra-astic.”

☞ SIX CHOICES!

► LOVE OR LUST ➭ “Love! Who nee-eds lust when you go-ot cuddles! Hahaha!”

► LEMONADE OR ICED TEA ➭ “Kinda po-ointless to ask me that, since I do-on’t eat or drink anything.”

► CATS OR DOGS ➭ “I’m not pi-icky on them, but dogs are fun!”

► A FEW BEST FRIENDS OR MANY REGULAR FRIENDS ➭ “A few be-est friends! Quality ove-er quantity!”

► WILD NIGHT OUT OR ROMANTIC NIGHT IN➭ “Both sound co-ool! But I’d choose wi-ild night out. I’m a wild be-ear! Hahaha!!”

>► DAY OR NIGHT ➭ “Night.”

☞ FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS!

► BEEN CAUGHT SNEAKING OUT ➭ “I think I only snu-uck out once? Didn’t get caught tho-ough!”

► FALLEN DOWN/UP THE STAIRS ➭ “Nope. The sta-airs fell down/up me, hahaha! ... okay seriously though ho-ow does one fall UP?”

► WANTED SOMETHING/SOMEONE SO BADLY IT HURT? ➭ “I gue-ess everybody gets that at some po-oint.”

► WANTED TO DISAPPEAR ➭ “Nope! Disa-appearing is more Goldie’s thing-- just li-ike Batman!”

☞  FIVE PREFERENCES!

► SMILE OR EYES ➭ “Why choose? The-ey’re both valid!”

► FAT OR SKINNY ➭ “Wha-at? Do people really choose ove-er such shallow things??”

► SHORTER OR TALLER ➭ “Again, wha-at’s the point of choosi-ing over such sha-allow things?”

► INTELLIGENCE OR ATTRACTION ➭ “Intelligence, but do-on’t put it as if they we-ere mutually exclusive.”

► HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIP ➭ “Relationship!”

☞ FAMILY!

► DO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GET ALONG ➭ “Of cou-urse! The-ere may have a conflict o-once in a while, but wha-at family has no conflict eve-er?”

► WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE A “MESSED UP LIFE” ➭ “Tha-at’s subjective.”

► HAVE YOU EVER RAN AWAY FROM HOME ➭ “Why wou-uld I do that? I’m ha-appy here!”

► HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN KICKED OUT ➭ “Nope!”

☞ FRIENDS!

► DO YOU SECRETLY HATE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS ➭ “No? I wo-ouldn’t be friends with someone I ha-ate.”

► DO YOU CONSIDER ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS GOOD FRIENDS ➭ “Of co-ourse!!”

► WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND ➭ “There’s obvi-iously Birthday Girl and her family, as well as my bro-other Goldie, but counting them out I’d sa-ay Sayori and Draggy!”

► WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU ➭ “I don’t think anyo-one does? Goldie might be closest to tha-at.”