#overall these skew high bc these women mostly all have that “neurotic repressed freak” vibe that lends itself to throatGOAT status

[linka-from-captain-planet]

Rating BG3 Ladies Oral Game

By popular (1 anon) demand. With a bonus segment, Does She Eat Ass?

Ratings based on vibes and also facts opinions (controversial: not everyone can be a sex god).

all the main and supporting women + my background babes: Florrick, Talli, Alfira, Lakrissa, Araj, Nocturne, Skoona, Adrielle, Z'rell, Nine-Fingers, and special guest star Philomeen

*Sex is like pizza, so average results are in fact still pretty good. Only 2, 1, and 0/10 are truly trash head. So a 5 or 6 is still a compliment!*

Lae'zel: 10/10. Her appetite is voracious. Her will is steel, and her tongue is silver. As a lifelong try-hard, Lae'zel can't settle for anything less than stellar, and eating out is no exception. She can be a bit too clinical with it at the start, but once her heart is freed from its stone prison, her sensuality comes pouring out her lips and tongue.

Shadowheart: 9/10. This is her wheelhouse. This is what she's been up to for the last 30 years. She loses a point because her brand of teasing and/or being coy occasionally doesn't translate; there's a difference between a slow burn and letting a lover go cold, and she can slip up sometimes and forget she's pleasuring, not torturing. But overall? Who knew such a delicate touch could make you come apart like that.

Karlach: 11/10. She's a natural, and she's ravenous. For touch. For affection. To please, to be good. She tunes all the way in. No notes. She's all up in and/or on that thang, front, back, side to side, not a drop left when she's done with it. The most finesse? No, but a hammer doesn't need frills and lace to knock in a nail.

Minthara: 12/10. Even better than her stroke game. It feeds her ego like no other, and what feeds Minthara's ego is also good for her lover. Dominant even when giving head, and she puts that nose and chin to werk. You're done when she's done, not the other way around. Eats 110% of it, leaves no crumbs.

Jaheira: 6/10. Frankly, Jaheira is just not that horny and so, while her skills are well-honed, she just doesn't have that killer instinct to catapult her into higher tiers. She's too busy to spend two hours between someone's legs, so she aims to get it done nice and quick, but thorough. She's no quitter, after all, and her dedication to the goal is unshakeable.

Isobel: 8/10. A little too much of a tease for anyone who's not an edging enthusiast, but she puts her money where her mouth is. She's incredibly in-tuned with a partner, so once she's zoned in, she's got it locked down. Her focus is unbreakable. Doesn't have the most stamina, but she more than knows how to make up for it. You don't need hours and hours for Isobel to take you apart.

Aylin: 7/10 or 100/10 IF her face is being sat on. My controversial take for this post. But I think that while Aylin's tongue is GOATed and she loves pleasing her partner, it's just an act that isn't enough for her. She wants to touch, feel, suck, lick, caress, tease it all, not just a fraction of her beloved. Her hands and tongue wander. She flits around, sampling it all. Keeping her in that one place, on-task, can require some input from her partner, so they can't quite relax all the way and melt under her. This is where the face-sitting specification comes in. Surrounded so, held down (even by someone MUCH smaller), being taken as much as she gives--------- that's where she really shines.

Mizora: -100/10. Again... get real.

Orin: 5/10. She is a rolling stone. She is a whimsical sort. Eating out requires focus that she certainly has, but can she employ it on a dependable enough basis? She can also get too artful with it. Sometimes A->B is the right path and you don't need to murder someone and stash their corpse in an abandoned one-room house inbetween licks, ya know?

Florrick: 9/10. Look at that profile. That nose. That chin. Those lips. Observe her delusional confidence, her endless fidelity, her relentless pursuit of her goals. Did you feel that tremble? It was your [preferred genital word]. She comes home from a long day of bossing people around and serving the greater good, ready to pamper someone, to serve herself, and she's hungry. Her only downside is that she can be a bit efficient with it; it takes her time to warm up emotionally, and not treat you like just another item on her to-do list.

Talli: 8/10. Happy to be of service, always. A very thorough, straightforward, good-game-giving mouth. Lacks creativity, but completely consistent, reliable, and (if desired) romantic.

Alfira: 8/10. A little clumsy, a little distractible, but you can't beat the dedication. Amazing breath-holding capacity. Unlike some other be-fanged women, she loves her teeth and knows how to deploy them. She keeps ya guessing, which does have a few negatives, but overall? More than makes up for her complete lack of stroke game.

Lakrissa: 6/10. She talks a big bigger game than she actually has, surprisingly. She's a little too restless, a little too fidgety. She likes to use more of her body than she can while going down, so it's kind or boring for her tbh. She likes the taste and the emotional/mental experience for herself, more than she likes actually doing it. But for her love? Anything. She'll sit down there for hours if need be.

Araj: 2/10. The future Matron Mother of the Restored House Oblodra does not get on her knees. You try to tell her that there are many other options, but she doesn't listen. Only goes down when she's trying to steal your secretions for her alchemy. It's not worth it.

Nocturne: 7/10. Like Shadowheart, she had to be entertaining herself somehow for all the decades in the cloister so her skills are above average. But she's a little more submissive, and tends to pigeonhole herself; she can't quite pull off a toppy tongue sesh. If she's not on her knees, she doesn't quite know how to do it. Certified biter, interested in the intersection between pleasure and pain.

Skoona: 7/10. A little self-conscious of her tusks, but she's always found the act romantic and fulfilling. Likes to hold hands during.

Adrielle: 3/10. She's a little self-conscious, a little too intimidated. A little too desperate to be good. In one's own head is the worst place to be when trying to go down on someone, and that's where she is. Will get you there, but hardly a world-shaking experience.

Z'rell: 1 Billion/10. Look, it's still not for YOU, but in case you were wondering: at least 17 someones out there are getting it ATE. Front, back, side to side, axes that don't even exist in our plane. You're missing out. Pathetic.

Nine-Fingers: 7/10. Makes your legs shake, but can be a little too intense. She can come on too strong. She can make it feel like a competition, or like there's something else on her mind that's not you. Keeping her engaged is a You problem, but if you can? Very good.

Philomeen: ?/10. She does not go down, ever; she's made that mistake before long ago (making the hoes think she cares about them) and she's nawt gonna make it again!!

In addition: Does she eat ass?

Eats ass completely unprompted: Lae'zel, Minthara, Orin, Z'rell Offers to eat ass: Shadowheart, Karlach, Aylin, Florrick, Nocturne Eats ass if asked: Jaheira, Isobel, Lakrissa, Nine-Fingers Considers it, but decides eating ass isn't for her: Alfira, Talli, Skoona Definitely doesn't eat ass: Mizora, Araj, Adrielle, Philomeen