#owl blabs

[magic-owl]

do y’all ever sometimes get embarrassed for shipping the fan-fave not-canon ship

like it’s all over the fandom and in fic and art and meta and i like and enjoy the dynamic so it makes me happy to see everywhere!

but then i’ll come across a vent post from people in the minority part of the fandom who DON’T ship it and they’ll just be frustrated that the ship is everywhere

like if the ship was canon i wouldn’t feel as bad because “welp, sorry dude, that sucks, but it’s the decision canon made and you can blame the creator for the ship’s popularity, not me”

but it’s NOT canon, it’s just a ship that everyone decided they liked, so NOW the ship has become That One Piece Of Fanon That Everyone Treats Like Canon that drives me CRAZY in so many other fandoms and i just feel hypocritical because i enjoy it here

and it makes me feel baaaaaad because i’ve been on their side of things before and now i’m Part Of The Problem for someone else

[magic-owl]

the HORRORS when you read an au summary and it looks for a second like they're gonna make your blorbo a cop and then you dare look at it and relax because actually they made him a paramedic instead

[magic-owl]

My incurable paranoia about writing fic for new fandoms because what if I get it wrong or all the ideas I come up with I’ve ended up seeing someone else has come up with them first and published them in far superior fic or what if I just can’t

[magic-owl]

My city cut like 4 out of the five bus lines from my neighborhood into the city and vice versa so now it’s like actually impossible to get out of the city lol

[magic-owl]

will applying for jobs ever make you Not want to climb the walls and screech like a distressed chimpanzee

[magic-owl]

STOP CALLING MY BLORBOS TOXIC SO WHAT IF THEY WERE A LITTLE TRAUMATIZED SO WAS EVERYONE AND MY BLORBOS DIDN’T KILL ANYONE ABOUT IT UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE 😂😂😂

[magic-owl]

so i just discovered there's this little animal called the Hero Shrew. it's apparently called that because the hero shrew, which is a little little mouselike creature, is renowned for having an especially strong spine and like. it notably Does Not Pancake And Die when a human steps on it like most animals its size would would when faced with an entire giant monkey pressing on their back.

i'm just wondering how this knowledge came to be and associated with this little guy, like i'm guessing it was something better than some scientists just being like "ok so when we step on all these other little rodents they die but this one actually doesn't squish! good for the cockroach mammal!!!'

[magic-owl]

if no one else has me, i know amy winehouse has me

[magic-owl]

*siiiiighs*

when i was three or four years old i whacked a fellow preschooler in the head with a half-full plastic mini bucket of sand. (he was fine)

we were playing in the sandbox and in my young child lack of emotional regulation i didn't like how he had decided to play with me. so i hit him with a sandy bucket. i was put in timeout and informed by my teacher that we all had chosen to play together, that this was another variant on the dreaded sharing where you couldn't just control how people played, how you had to make it a fun space for everyone even if someone was playing differently than how i would prefer it. you had to work together, not brain people with buckets.

true story.

anyway when you're an adult and you're in a fandom space and the goal is peace harmony and everyone having fun, you sometimes have to take a step back and remind yourself that you are an adult, this is all for fun, and we. do. not. brain. people. with. buckets.

even if that bucket is looking MIGHTY tempting.

[magic-owl]

I am truly god's greatest clown

I've got like SIX different serious fics in various stages of production in my drafts folder, one almost done, one I've been working SO hard on recently despite a lack of motivation

And my mind decided "nope we're gonna write the cracky comedy oneshot full of dick jokes you literally just came up with in five minutes from a Reddit post"

[magic-owl]

Being in two fandoms at once but with no outlet for the second one means that in the first one you’re on the discord brainstorming ideas for your ship and then only after you post them it’s like “ah whoops this is just my other fandom ship”

[magic-owl]

I always hated getting shots, the needles were sharp and scary and stabby and uncomfortable

But I did because it was good for me and because repeatedly suffering the brief pain would make me stronger

It still hurts to do it, but I’m better at making myself

I think it’s the same with people and my emotions.

Yes putting myself through this will get me hurt

Doing it enough and I can even start to see the signs

But doing it will make me better and make me numb

And one day it’ll be enough and I won’t have to

[magic-owl]

instead i’m just going on a spiral of poll blogs and being like “ooh i like this one i shall follow it so i don’t miss any days of voting” and then my dash is too big that i end up missing polls anyway so now i’m just getting distracted by tumblr recommending me more poll blogs because i keep following them xD

[magic-owl]

anyway now that i’m in my 20′s, when i read original fiction and fanfiction where the main character is my age and they’re a successful and self-sufficient adult with a job their own place and stable relationship, more and more often my reaction is less “aww good for them” and more “ah. okay 🙃”

[magic-owl]

okay so like. when you see this character. and you like him very VERY much.

but also like.

you really really REALLY want to see what the story would have been like if he was a girl

and like, you know in your heart that it wouldn’t make sense for him to be a girl

because first of all it would actually mess with some of his story arc because people would likely just chalk up a lot of the conflict he’s faced with to misogyny and ignore the other stuff

and secondly because there also kind of is a character in another fandom who’s kinda him but as a girl

but you still want it because you’re you and want nice things and think him as a girl would be cool

[magic-owl]

My mental health is in this weird place where I’ve started projecting onto daydreams of story ideas about starving artists making it big which horrifies me because that makes me one step closer to those white guy screenwriters in their 30’s who can only write screenplays about struggling white guy writers who have no purpose in their lives because nobody can appreciate their work or they can’t get rid of their writer’s block and they’re single and unhappy

I just feel so stuck right now, in a purgatory of my own making