#p sure this song is about killing a rapist

[splinterfromtheheadboardinmyeye]

[themassculture]

Russia's youngest serial killer

Vladimir Vinnichevsky in many ways, a unique serial killer, and not only in the domestic criminal history, but also the world. It is surprising that such a truly monstrous in its cruelty and at the same time smart and resourceful criminal caught, in General, quite by accident, still remained unknown to the General public. Meanwhile, the story of Vova Vinnichevsky deserves attention.

Volodya, born in 1923, began killing at the age of 15 years. According to his own confession, he committed about 18 attacks on children aged 2-4 years for the purpose of rape, which often ended in death for them. The first victim Vinnichevsky , about which I learned Sverdlovsk law enforcement, became a 4-year-old Hertha Gribanova, raped and murdered in the garden of his house. It is actually a criminal and wasn't kidnapped. It was an extremely audacious attack.

Vinnichevsky not once, not twice kidnapped children literally from the front door or from under the Windows of the apartment where were the parents. This sleight for a long time baffled all knowledgeable about the details of the crimes. After capture Vova explained the method — in search of the potential victim he safely entered private houses and entrances and if adults weren't nearby, then spoke with the child and took away with itself. If there older then Vinnichevsky pretended Komsomolets social worker, they say, "we will have red Friday, we collect scrap metal, I came here to see if you have a scrap of some change?»

Komsomol members collecting scrap metal were a sign of the time. They did not surprise anyone and the legend worked perfectly. Even when the Sverdlovsk knew about the crimes and the unfamiliar man aroused widespread suspicion that the student is bypassing the house supposedly in search of scrap metal, fear is not aroused.

Going with Hertha in the garden, Vinnichevsky attacked the girl and began to choke. After she was quiet, he decided to try something new. The criminal for the first time started up a knife and began to strike blows to the head. Soviet factory knives have always been of disgusting quality, so that on the eighth blow the blade broke off and the tip remained in the head of the victim. The medical examiner suggested using the victim's skull as evidence. In that case, if the killer does not throw a broken knife and the knife is found, it was possible to conduct an examination, proving the application of wounds with this knife, and not any other. The idea seemed attractive, made decapitation, and the body of the relatives were given without the head of the child.

However, this calculation was not justified. Vinnichevsky did not keep a knife with broken blade and threw it out. But in the future I learned a lesson and began to use a screwdriver and a Swiss army knife. The killer actually turned out to be very trained man, and has come up with many elements of the criminal's handwriting, given that in those days there were no movies, thrillers, and good books-detectives were gold.

Vinnichevsky attack not only on girls, he, as a true pedophile, sexual identity of the victim was not fundamental. So, the fifth victim of Vova as he told, there was a boy, however, the militia didn't receive any messages on it. Most likely, the victim survived and relatives wished to hide the incident from law enforcement agencies. The baby, who became the object of the next attack, 4-year-old Borya Titov, also survived. He was the first who was able to report at least some information about the mysterious rapist and his manner of behavior: Vinnichevsky invited the boy to ride him on a sled, brought to the wasteland at the end of the street, where he attacked, and then threw him unconscious in a snowdrift, taking the sled away to ask the search for the wrong direction.

The mutilated body of the seventh victim, 3-year-old Wali p. Lobanova, Vinnichevsky dropped into a pit of feces under the wooden outdoor toilet. Those who have seen such a latrine can easily understand the calculation of the murderer — there is no light and smell. And this stench will mask the smell of rotting flesh. Dropping kids in the sump — another invention, which Vinnichevsky thought of yourself. He will be faithful to him in the future. One of the girls, thrown into the latrine in an unconscious state, survived. 4-year-old Paradise Rahmatulina saved by the fact that the killer was confined to the stifle and is not used edged weapons. Thanks to this, the girl woke up, began to call for help and heard her.

Vinnichevsky lived in the center of Sverdlovsk, but to commit crimes prefer to go to the outskirts of the city. In the spring of 1939 in the forest near the railway / road station, he killed 4-year-old Lida Surin. The guy stabbed her 24 injured with machetes and the body was camouflaged with branches. The girl quickly enough and began to look for. It was already 11 attack Vinnichevsky when local police finally realized that in the city operates a maniac, attacking young children. Therefore, for practicing all the messages about the disappearance of the toddler immediately rushed all available forces. Surin was found quickly, but she was already dead.

Soon investigators realized that the offender had not taken the victims more than a kilometer away from the abduction site, so if you quickly start a search from the point where the child was last seen, then you can manage to find him alive. Thanks to this speed, some of the children were rescued.

In the summer of 1939 the investigation of the crimes committed Bennicassim in Sverdlovsk, were United in one production. To a certain extent confused picture of the variability of the behavior of the killer — as mentioned above, sometimes he strangled victims with his hands, and sometimes resorted to melee weapons, so even with excessive brutality. The offender disguised the bodies of the dead in different ways, chose different places for attacks and did it, as it seemed, without any visible system.

There was no clarity as to who to look for. For example, according to one version, the killer was seriously ill or disabled. Also, everyone was sure that he has a criminal past. And none of the prosecutors and the police, even in a head could not come that they are looking for 15-year-old student who is attending school loitering in the streets of the glorious city of Sverdlovsk and talking about the collection of waste paper and scrap metal.

Perfectly demonstrate criminal experience Vinnichevsky his actions during and after the Commission of the last murder. His victim was 4-year-old Tasia Morozova, whom he took away from home, promising to buy ice cream. The area where this crime took place had virtually no natural shelters — no forest, no shrubs, no ravines, there was not even a lawn, one dull wasteland with miserable individual houses and working dormitories — in General, a working suburb of the Stalin era. The killer raped and killed the girl in the latrine, threw the naked corpse into a fecal pit, and took away her clothes.

Vinnichevsky was not going to Rob the victim, and had nothing to profit from 4-year-old girl. He took the clothes because he knew that the body in the pit of faeces would sink, but the clothes would remain on the surface and could be seen. Therefore, the offender went to the house of the murdered and dumped the clothes, reaching a few tens of meters. His calculation was based on the fact that if the clothes and find that in itself was not obvious, it will look in the house and around it. And to the toilet, remote by more than 300 meters, you look and will not get.

However, the calculation of the offender was not justified. Not least because by October 1939 the tendency Vinnichevsky to heat the bodies of the victims in the cesspools was already well known in the Sverdlovsk militia. However, when Morozov was found, no one knew that this was the last child killed. The investigation had no leads to the killer. Employees of criminal investigation Department "closed" already more than 300 people, and crimes all didn't stop. The militia worked without days off and holidays, the city was flooded with the hidden patrols, but nobody could give a guarantee that they really will help.

Got Vinnichevsky in the end by accident. Returning from patrol cadets of school of militia noticed the guy who left the tram with the small boy on hands. In principle, nothing particularly suspicious Vinnichevsky did — he looked like the older brother of the child whom he held a casual conversation. And alerted the cadets that the teen took the baby to the side of the houses, and to the forest. So we decided to follow. They had time: in the thicket the guy was already choking the child, so the company immediately detained him.

Not to say that the young killer grew up in poverty and deprivation. Of course, the times were scarce, but Vinnichevsky wore leather shoes, sported in a tank helmet, which was then the dream of all the boys, and owned a Swiss penknife — such an artifact did not have a price in the eyes of teenagers. Plus, during the arrest, he was carrying more than 20 rubles, while the adults survived, then, is based less than 10 rubles per day. In General, it is impossible to call the guy miserable and the poor. Vinnichevsky sang well, knew by heart many songs, the most favorite of which was "Heroes of Hasana". In General, a normal member of the Komsomol. Wanted to be a tanker, the songs they sang in the helmet tank went, kids cut and strangled.

In December 1939, when the investigation was nearing completion, Vova's father and mother wrote letters to local Newspapers, asking the Soviet authorities to give their son what he deserved, according to the gravity of what he had done. In those days, it was politically correct and even politically correct to publicly call curses on the heads of fascists, imperialists, Trotskyists, white guards, unrecoverable opportunists and double-dealers, as well as all other external and internal Hydra of the counter-revolution. These letters by the decision of the regional Committee of the CPSU(b) were published, because the political situation required a demonstration of success in the field of strengthening of social law and order. Then these letters were read in court. Since the death penalty for children from the age of 12 was introduced in 1935, January 16, 1940 seventh-grader Volodya Vinnichevsky was sentenced to “the highest measure of social protection”, and soon shot.

victims

[denebola42-blog]

https://youtu.be/AwWFFlWAfo0 https://youtu.be/CHCg9OmW_Ok Now I remember why the rednecks/white trash in Oroville, California forced the NWA tape album on me. This music and the fact I told people about a talk show with a KKK guy in his Klan outfit bragging he sold weapons to minority gangs because he relished in the fact they killed each other over street corners and basketball shoes. And I think I recorded it and shared it with people cuz VHS bitches. So this explains everything. And I like the song Whisper by Kirsty Hawkshaw as well. So that's why people pushed white separatism and Deliverance and broke back mountain aka broke butt mountain etc. They're buck breaking KKK types which is what Utah is founded on and they attack Navajo as well and why neighbors said the Army was the enemy of the Mormon church and technically I'm a Native American. Somos indignos and certain Celtic types are Nazis as well. And Greeks etc. Any Aryans including East Indians at times. You need to read history and yes, Middle East people are considered Aryan and take slaves still though Africans do and many indigenous cultures including Mexicans and in Latin America and ancient Mesoamérica And East India, Utah, the USA, and really everywhere. #justsayno and don't listen to ice cube. The crips human traffic a lot. And The View etc and DeGeneres etc they have human trafficking endorsing rappers on there a lot. #boycottrap porn is nothin compared to rap. Same with reggaeton including Daddy Yankee. All that shit is evil and hypnotic. It's basically a rape soundtrack. I saw a meme that said rap stands for Retards Attempting Poetry. Nope. Rapists Attempting Poetry. Just listen to the lyrics. Even Eminem encourages Dr Dre to rape a minor in a rap song I heard by accident on Spotify, and he is hesitant but soon relents, gives in and says good idea basically. They can go to hell. Fuck rap. Public Enemy is one thing but the other shit has to go. 911 really is a joke BTW. I've experienced it in Oroville and Utah and maybe Idaho and umm not sure in Vegas. I emailed the cops but my friend who I also emailed said my emails were all garbled so my phone was hacked. So much for BlackBerry security. (at Hill Air Force Base, Utah) https://www.instagram.com/p/CC5SMptB-fk/?igshid=1unluqfqplg0x

[sylvieons]

Fandom meme tagged by @nyx4 and @cleoselene xoxo which took me 90 years to finish but it’s HARD OKAY thinking is hard

A: Your current OTP. Jace/Alec from Shadowhunters. Apparently this makes me problematic but I don't care

B: A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind. This is hard because if I started watching a show because of someone they typically told me their ship ahead of time and then I was looking for it.  So I guess the closest I can come up with is that I lowkey ship Sephiroth/Genesis from Final Fantasy because of @nyx4 but I've never played the game

C: A pairing you wish you shipped, but just can't. Arthur/Merlin from Merlin.  Everyone always went so over the top with Merthur, and I shipped it for a few seconds but I never really liked Arthur so it was hard to care.

D: What was the first thing you ever contributed to a fandom? An X-Files fanfic uploaded to Gossamer titled, embarrassingly enough, "My Immortal" to which I attached my real name.  I was 14 or 15 and therefore very stupid. (I have since had this and another removed from the site, thankfully).  I also handed this fic into my English teacher to read.  Even more embarrassing.  The plot? Mulder loved Scully but he wanted to make sure that she loved him so he tried to make her jealous and when she did act jealous he was like "lol jk" and then I went into a lot of detail on a kiss they shared (THAT MY ENGLISH TEACHER READ) and then they got engaged and then they both got shot outside of Mulder's apartment for WHATEVER REASON and died.  Hence "My Immortal", because they'll be together in death.

E: Have you added anything stupid/cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what? Yes, and I shall find the post I made on Livejournal so I can bring you direct to the source.  It was for Legend of the Seeker, and I got the idea to Photoshop a fake Facebook post based on an episode (I forgot where I got the idea, if I saw it in another fandom or what).  Anyway the result was this:

https://imgur.com/Zo5Bi6x

It spun of control and spawned an actual Facebook RP which is where I met the two people who tagged me in this and AIN'T LIFE REALLY CRAZY SOMETIMES???

F: What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? What fandom was it? The X-Files. I got into it when I was around 11 or 12 and was a pretty active member until I was 17 or 18. Which doesn't seem very long, but to be heavily into it, I feel it was. And then I came back around to it when the revival was announced, so it's been an on and off relationship.

G: What was your first fandom? The X-Files, probably, in terms of content-creating.  Maybe if I'm counting things like "I pretended I was Xena a lot and I would call my friend on the phone and we’d talk about Xena" then maybe Xena: Warrior Princess

H: Do you prefer real-life TV shows or animated TV shows? Real-life, hands down. I hate animation.

I: Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why? Lol what -hasn't- Tumblr caused me to hate?  Tho...you know what...I've never said it on this hellsite for fear of reprisal, but I'm going to do it. Tumblr turned me off Sansa Stark back in season 2 or so.  There was so many posts where people were so aggressive about unfollowing and hating people who didn't like Sansa and it got so irritating I started to dislike Sansa by association. So congrats, Tumblr, you played yourself. Also, this site turned me off The Musketeers around season 3. So much Aramis hate, kind of soured me since I watched the show for Santiago Cabrera. And then that association soured me on Santiago, so. Thanks.

J: Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr. I'm going to say Teen Wolf. It was all over the place when it was first airing and people either loved it or thought it was ridiculous so I started watching it finally and it was ridiculously great. But then they killed off Allison and ruined my life :)))))

K: How do you feel about the other people in your current fandom(s). I don't really know what my current fandoms are - I'm kind of really into Shadowhuters rn but not in a "making things" sort of way. Anyway, I have heard some very terrible things about this fandom so I am wary.

L: Your favorite fanartist/author gives you one request, what do you ask for? I don't read fanfic and I'm not into fanart so.

M: A person who got you into a fandom and what fandom they pulled you in to. @nyx4 again. Got me into watching Sons of Anarchy. I had tried previously and got about 10 minutes in and couldn't stand it but she said it got better so I powered through and then I was into it.

As for non-TV and movie stuff, @tsukinosusagis got me into a shitton of music and like he said a few days ago “Remember when Lights created our friendship??? ICONIC”

N: Your favorite fandom (for the people; not the thing you fangirl over). Legend of the Seeker on its Livejournal days, back in 2009 and 2010 were my favorite. Nothing on tumblr.hell is a good fandom. All of it should burn.

O: Choose a song at random, what ship does it remind you of? Lmao I'm really bad at this.  I suffer trying to pick songs for ships so idk

P: Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas). SHADOWHUNTERS PIRATE AU. Also, it's not an AU, but I have a very elaborate setup in my head for an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia where the gang is convinced the bar is haunted and the name of the ep is "Paddy's Pub: The Most Haunted Bar in Philadelphia"

Q: A ship you’ve abandoned and why. Cersei/Jaime because Jaime is a rapist. Also made me stop watching GOT because I was really mostly watching for Cersei and Jaime but I didn’t wanna see Jaime anymore so

R: A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships. Morgana/Lancelot from Merlin. I'm sure there's a lot in the actual Arthuriana stuff that people ship, but I'm just talking about the show. I was only able to find maybe 1 gifset and 2 fics about these two.  Granted, I only shipped them because SANTIAGO CABRERA AND KATIE MCGRATH so maybe nobody else cared.

S: What's a headcanon you have? I don't really have any of these.

T: What are your favorite male/male ships or female/female ships? Jace/Alec (Shadowhuters), Aramis/Porthos (The Musketeers), Red/Snow (Once Upon a Time), Rizzoli/Isles (Rizzoli & Isles), Eliot/Quentin (The Magicians), Penny/Quentin (The Magicians), Xena/Gabrielle (Xena), Mac/Dennis (It's Alway Sunny), Willow/Tara (BTVS)

U: What are your favorite male/female ships? Mulder/Scully (The X-Files), Cesare/Lucrezia (The Borgias), Richard/Nicci (Legend of the Seeker), Richard/Cara (Legend of the Seeker), Gemma/Tig (Sons of Anarchy), Mitchell/Annie (Being Human), Spike/Dru (BTVS), Jim/Pam (The Office), Jane/Michael (Jane the Virgin)

V: Do you have any 3-way ships? If so, what? Yeah, Darken Rahl/Cara/Dahlia from Legend of the Seeker. And it has to be a threeway, because any two of these characters together I don't ship but the 3 together? YES YES YES

W: 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms. Bo Dennis (Lost Girl) Ilithyia (Spartacus) Dana Scully (The X-Files) Quentin Coldwater (The Magicians) Gemma Teller (Sons of Anarchy)

X: 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms. Why would ya ask me this question when you asked for my favorite ships above, bro?

But I guess

Mulder/Scully (The X-Files) Richard/Nicci (Legend of the Seeker) Jim/Pam (The Office)

Y: A fandom you’re in but have no ships from. Most of them - like even if I do have a ship, it's pretty lowkey?  A lot of the above are lowkey.  But I'll say Black Sails. 

Z: What's a ship that you want to ship publicly, but everyone on tumblr hates it so you keep your mouth shut about it? Lol Jalec I guess? Like I'm saying it right now, but I'm not gonna go out there and go big with it because lots of annoying people out there.

[fraggle-batches]

Because these are fun

1:Full name: Not comfortable sharing that

2:Zodiac sign: Libra 

3:3 fears: ladders, loneliness

4:3 things I love: my cats and boyfriend and laptop and dogs

5:4 turn on’s: tattoos, good hair, smoking, choking, hickeys

6:4 turn off’s: trump supporters

7:My best friend: my boyfriend

8:Sexual orientation: pansexual

9:My best first date: went to a concert (styg, stray from the path, knocked loose), was soo much fun, and also my first concert with a s/o

10:How tall am I: 5′7

11:What do I miss: my nana, being confident in myself and those around me

12:What time was I born? like 5:30 am 

13:Favorite color? grey

14:Do I have a crush? on my boyfriend, and cole sprouse

15:Favorite quote? “

16:Favorite place? Algonquin park

17:Favorite food? Pizza

18:Do I use sarcasm? Never

19:What am I listening to right now? Flaked Season 2 on Netflix

20:First thing I notice in new person? Shoes, hair, actions

21:Shoe size? Women’s 9.5, Mens 8.5

22:Eye color? Shit brown :))

23:Hair color? Naturally: Brown, Currently: Blonde, Previously: Pink

24: Favorite style of clothing? Uhm idk like casual/skate/dude clothes

25:Ever done a prank call? When I was like 11, but i grew tf up

26:What color of underwear I’m wearing now? I’m not..

27:Meaning behind my URL? Lord of the Rings (on a comedy video)

28:Favorite movie? ^

29:Favorite song? 

30:Favorite band? Don’t know, either The Wonder Years, Pink Floyd, The Tragically Hip

31:How I feel right now? Kinda shitty

32:Someone I love. Aaron

33:My current relationship status. In a relationship, one year at the end of the month.

34:My relationship with my parents. Was pretty fucked up for a while, I got kicked out and shit but now we’re civil and they buy me stuff to suck up for the shit they put me through/

35:Favorite holiday. 

36:Tattoos and piercing I have. I have my nose pierced, three 18g holes p/ear and one 10mm hole p ear.

37:Tattoos and piercing I want. I want to get a second nose piercing, maybe a septum, and my 10mm holes are going up to 22mm as we speak, I also intend to get an assload of tattoos when I’m no longer broke.

38:The reason I joined Tumblr. Joined it when I was like 12.. so I don’t know, just because it was ANOTHER form of social media for me to have.

39:Do I and my last ex hate each other? I hate him because he’s a rapist piece of shit and I’m sure he doesn’t even think of me so.

40:Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts? No.

41:Have I ever kissed the last person I texted? Idek who the last person I texted was.

42:When did I last hold hands? Last night

43:How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? Depends what my hairs like, if it’s good, then 15 mins, if it’s shit then 35mins.

44:Have I shaved my legs in the past three days? Yeah

45: Where am I right now? On the couch at my boyfriends grandparents.

46:If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? Maybe my boyfriend, maybe a nurse 

47:Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? LOUD

48:Do I live with my Mom and Dad? No

49:Am I excited for anything? I’m going to see Roger Waters in October and I’m moving in 1-3 months.

50:Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? My boyfriend.

51:How often do I wear a fake smile? Often.

52:When was the last time I hugged someone? Earlier today I think

53:What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? I’d fucking leave him and move alone and go back to fucking instead of dating (other people obv)

54:Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? Maybe

55:What is something I disliked about today? Got into a couple pissing matches with the boy.

56:If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Gord Downie

57:What do I think about most? The amount of debt I’m in

58:What’s my strangest talent? Licking my nose maybe?

59:Do I have any strange phobias? I don’t know..

60:Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind all the way

61:What was the last lie I told? “I don’t want anything to eat rn”

62:Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? NEITHER

63:Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Ghosts: no. Spirits: Yes. Aliens: no, Extra-terrestrial life on another planet potentially in a different solar system: Yes.

64:Do I believe in magic? No

65:Do I believe in luck? I don’t know

66:What’s the weather like right now? Shitty, cloudy, cold, and dark

67:What was the last book I’ve read? The Handbook of Human Sexuality

68:Do I like the smell of gasoline? Uhh yeah

69:Do I have any nicknames? -----

70:What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? Probably when I fractured my skull as a kid. Or the two times I broke my clavicle in the SAME spot like 3 years apart lmao.

71:Do I spend money or save it? I’m a compulsive spender

72:Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Yep

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? I don’t think so

74:Favorite animal? Elephant maybe

75:What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Same thing as I’m doing now basically... fuck all

76:What do I think Satan’s last name is? He doesn’t have one/exist

77:What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? I believe by Stevie Wonder

78:How can you win my heart? Be a decent person and show the fucking world that I’m yours and you’re mine.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? “fuck all you cunts from my hometown”

80:What is my favorite word? cunt

81:My top 5 blogs on tumblr? nah

82:If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? “stop polluting, kill trump, learn how to give a girl good head, end world hunger, adopt dont shop, support everyone regardless, cherish each other”

83:Do I have any relatives in jail? I don’t think so, but maybe

84:I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? To be able to like pause life and be the only one who isn’t paused but I don’t age on pause so it’s chill. Or to turn off my bad emotions whenever I want

85:What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? I don’t know, I;m pretty open

86:What is my current desktop picture? My dog 

87:Had sex? Daily

88:Bought condoms? Hate them, but yeah

89:Gotten pregnant? No

90:Failed a class? Yeah

91:Kissed a boy? Yeah

92:Kissed a girl? Yeah

93:Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Yeah

94:Had job? Yeah

95:Left the house without my wallet? The worst!!

96:Bullied someone on the Internet? No... well maybe this one stupid piece of shit that raped my friend, posted her nude pics on a porn website and harasses her to this day. But I think that’s with warrant to bully so idc

97:Had sex in public? In a few places...

98:Played on a sports team? Other than school, no

99:Smoked weed? Daily

100:Did drugs? some

101:Smoked cigarettes? Yep

102:Drank alcohol? Yep

103:Am I a vegetarian/vegan? Used to be 

104:Been overweight? Currently am

105:Been underweight? Yep

106:Been to a wedding? Yep

107:Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Most of the time

108:Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Yep

109:Been outside my home country? Yep

110:Gotten my heart broken? Sort of

111:Been to a professional sports game? No

112:Broken a bone? Skull, elbow, clavicle x 2, wrist x3, most of my toes, both my thumbs, my left ring finger, my ankle, and foot.

113:Cut myself? Used to

114:Been to prom? Fuck prom

115:Been in airplane? Yep

 116: Fly by helicopter? No

117:What concerts have I been to? To name a few (not even close to 1/4 of them: The wonder Years x4, Moose Blood x2, Neck Deep, Real Friends x3, Modern Baseball x3, Knocked Loose, Stick to Your Guns, etc...

118:Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Yep

119:Learned another language? Started to learn german, dropped it. Spoke some french but I’m rusty.

120:Wore make up? Most days

121:Lost my virginity before I was 18? Way before I was 18

122:Had oral sex? Yeah

123:Dyed my hair? Every few months for the last like 4-5 years

124:Voted in a presidential election? Not yet.. 2019 here I come

125:Rode in an ambulance? No

126:Had a surgery? Small one

127:Met someone famous? A few people.. Dan Campbell from the Wonder Years being one of them

128:Stalked someone on a social network? In an innocent-ish “what the fuck is my boyfriend doing liking your slutty pics” stalking

129:Peed outside? Yep

130:Been fishing? Yep

131:Helped with charity? Yep

132:Been rejected by a crush? No

133:Broken a mirror? Yep

134:What do I want for birthday? A camera

135:How many kids do I want and what will be their names? 2-3. Nora, Avalyn, and idk maybe Declan, Jax, Quinn?

136:Was I named after anyone? No

137:Do I like my handwriting? Sometimes

138:What was my favorite toy as a child? Pogs, Pokemon Cards, Idk I mostly read books

139:Favorite TV Show? Shameless is lit

140:Where do I want to live when older? I don;t know yet, used to be Alaska but the US is fucked rn

141:Play any musical instrument? A little piano, tried guitar

142:One of my scars, how did I get it? one on my hand is shaped like a dick.. i stuck my hand in a fire to get a cigarette that dropped when i was drunk and burned the fuck outta my hand, when it scarred the center got prominent, and dick shaped

143:Favorite pizza topping? Bacon

144:Am I afraid of the dark? No

145:Am I afraid of heights? A little

146:Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Yeah, I’ve been caught sneaking out and smoking pot and getting drunk when I was supposedly studying or having a quiet movie night in

147:Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? All the time

148:What I’m really bad at. Life, keeping my temper in check

149:What my greatest achievements are. I graduated high school, and got into college and university

150:The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me. “fat homewrecking bitch”.. but it wasn’t the truth

151:What I’d do if I won in a lottery. Pay off my debt and adopt a load of animals in need

152:What do I like about myself? I got some nice eyelashes, and a nice rack

153:My closest Tumblr friend. ------

154:Something I fantasies about. Cole Sprouse 

155:Any question you’d like -------

[imreszekeres]

for the anon that wanted all 100

1. Name- Ash! 2. Age- 18 3. City that you live in- fear, usually 4. What do most people not know about you?- nothing really, i compulsively release useless information about myself 5. What do most people know you for?- being fat and annoying 6. Hobbies- makeup, youtubers, sleeping, writing, drawing 7. What are your passions?- writing 8. What do you search for in a significant other?- i really Really need to be understood, and someone who is patient is nice too 7. What are you most proud of?- I hav gone to State and gotten within the top 10% in my Journalism competitions, which puts me in the top .08% of all high school students in my state. :-) im good for some things 8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?- every day when I talk to @pizzasteveofficial <3 all our conversations are significant 2 me 9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it?- I collect my tears in a jar and store them, then shower in them every night 10. List 10 things off of your bucket list.- I want to get married in the snow, have a daughter, get a Heartagram tattoo (at least one lol), write a successful book, and.. idk what else :0 11. What was the last thing you learned?- jesus I dont know, you learn sth new every day! hard to remember 12. How many relationships have you been in?- um.. 7 I think i feel like im forgetting one tho. I wont name them obvi but i think im forgetting one? i feel like ive been in 8 oh well 13. Turn ons- validation 14. Turn offs- being alive 15. Favorite food- frozen yogurt! I like the vanilla or white chocolate flavor with looots of toppings 16. Favorite drink- Coke 17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?- i dont really know! I dont remember a lot of my birthdays for trauma reasons so  18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic?- pessimistic by far lol 19. Do you sleep during class?- its happened a handful of times, I try not to bc I HATE missing work its annoying 20. What is the most expensive thing you own?- myself?? jk its my laptop 21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?- a 1 dollar ELF blending brush. yall those things are bomb please go buy some! 22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone?- that number does not exist holy shit  23. Text or call?- TEXT BLEASE I HAVE SUCH BAD HEARING 24. Opinion on long distance?- it can work! ive done it a lot of times. distance has never been whats broken a relationship for me, not directly anyway 25. What is your definition of success?- success is when you’re happy. you do not have many worries, not the kind that keep you awake at night or make your tummy sick anyway. You have people that love you and, if you died, you’d be remembered as a good bean 26. Favorite song?- right now im really diggin “Hate (I Really Dont Like You)” by the plain white Ts 27. Favorite artist?- HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 28. Celebrity crush/crushes?- Ville Valo ALWAYS lmao hes my god 29. When was the last time you read for fun?- like last month 30. Favorite flower?- roses 31. What is the best gift you could receive right now?- a plane ticket to Connecticut and like 1000 dollars 32. Any guilty pleasures?- pop... music... BUT LIKE THE GOOD KIND U FEEL? I DONT LIKE STUFF FROM THE LAST 2 OR 3 YEARs...  33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?- my weight, and that sounds so shallow but it. is taking a toll on me. 34. What do you search for in a friend?- someone who is like me! 35. How many times have you said "I love you" in the past month?- not enough 36. Where did you last go other than your room/home?- school.. 37. Why do bad things happen to good people?- because life isnt fair 38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye?- what the fuck being stabbed in the eye have you ever been stabbed in the fucking eye? because i havent and i can already tell you that if my friends were talking without me and then someone stabbed me in the fuCKING EYE I WOULD BE JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE PREOCCUPIED WITH BEING STABBED IN THE E Y E  39. How many green shirts do you own?- none lol 40. Do you like anime?- sure! I dont watch it rn but i dont watch anything rn, haha 41. What do you invest the most time in?- sleeping,, 42. What was the name of the last book you read?- Rebecca :3 very gud book 43. What's the difference between loving and liking someone?- when ur main squeeze gets a hair cut and u still wanna suck their dingus u love em, thats it sorry i dont make the rules 44. Where are you most productive?- i dont.. know what this is asking lol I’m most protective over my romantic partners. As much as I’d love to say im most protective over Sarah, nothing compares to how “troll guarding his treasure” i am w/my loves.......... *eyes @my crush* 45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends.- talking shit abt rude ppl, playing vidya gaem, and talking abt life 46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone.- watching makeup tutorials, watching lets plays, and thinking about everything and anything 47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist?- absolutely not. theres too many people on the earth to achieve that 48. Do you have any allergies?- Not to anything specific but i get them really often seasonally. i get them pretty much every time the weather changes :( 49. When was the last time you cussed at someone?- i mean.. every day of my life so like 50. What was the last promise you made?- idek dude 51. What was your last dream about?- IT WAS SO WEIRD IT WAS ABOUT MY CRUSH’S MOM? I DREAMT THAT SHE WAS A DEMON WHO STORED HER EGGS IN LITTLE PORCELAIN JARS AND THAT MY CRUSH HAD AN EAR INFECTION AND WE WERE IN A SNOWY VILLAGE IDK DONT ASK ME its weird bc my crushs mom is so sweet... 52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be?- i would literally only take Sarah bc i hate everyone 53. How many countries have you visited?- ive never been outside the US 54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.)- writing :-) 56. When was the last time somebody complimented you?- those nice anons i got yesterday/the other day! 56. If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself?- what do u even mean? youd know bc youd be like THIS ISNT MY BODY 57. Do you consider yourself mature?- kind of, yes 58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr?- too fuckin many 59. What is your favorite quote?- “Worship Satan!” -Ville Valo (no but rly any HIM lyric is my favorite quote, theyre so beautiful,,,) 60. If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be?- dont hurt ppl unless they hurt u, dont touch ppl unless they want u to, and respect gender/sexuality 61. What is your greatest accomplishment?- going 2 state! 62. Do you believe in the death penalty?- yeah i actually think it should b used more lol, kill all rapists and p*dophiles :-) 63. What are your goals for life?- i just wanna b happy, man 64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?- being a fucking idiot, probably 65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.- CALIFORNIA LMAO IM SUCH A SUCKER FOR CALIFORNIA AND I NEVER EVEN BEEN THERE 66. What were you like in 2013?- awful but also really sweet... then again i wasnt TECHNICALLY the host so lol  67. Do you have a job?- no :( i cant drive 68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.- she was an abusive bitch who took out her parents hating her on me the end 69. If you could change one thing about society, what would it be?- i would make discrimination a way more serious crime than it is taken for rn. ppl who discriminate should b put in jail 70. How many all-nighters have you pulled before?- just one when i had to install the sims and it took 6 years 71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website?- my fave website is youtube 72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?- suck a dick, i guess 73. Does money equal happiness?- not all the time but it sure can 74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?- never, i dont think 75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?- too many times 76. What is the funniest joke you have ever been told?- you know that joke abt the blind man at the beginning of Crazy Rap? yeah thats fucking HILARIOUS  77. When was the last time you looked at the news?- this morn :0 78. If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say?- im gay 79. What is your favorite animal?- RACCOONS!!!!!!!!!!!! 80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it?- i mean sure lmao nobody would b upset about it so 81. What is one thing that everyone is bad at?- being a human. 82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get?- i usually go to bed at 10 and get like 6 or 7 hours 83. Does age necessarily equal maturity?- not at all! 84. What is your favorite clothing store?- hot topic lol 85. In the winter- beanies or gloves?- gloves b 86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?- wings?? why would i want a fish tail 87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it?- absofuckinglutely.  88. What do you fear the most?- being like my rapist. thats a little too deep than i like to go but im being honest, thats literally my biggest fear Ever 89. How many digits of pi can you recite?- 3.14 lmfao i hate math 90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be?- 2004. I would stop it before it happened. :-( 91. Describe yourself in one word.- stupid 92. Describe your last victory.- i woke up today w/o killin meself 93. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen?- bendytoots cucumberpitch’s face 94. What is something you will never forget?- prom.. something rly nice happened 95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail?- forget everything. please 96. Have you ever broken a bone before?- nope! 97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody?- probably harder to love them lol 98. Coffee or tea?- coffer 99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way?- I dont overdose on a constant basis in a BPD-fueled rage any more so thats good 100. How many hours have you spend on tumblr today?- probably 1 or 2?

[matesinspace]

The Cheese Lover vs. The Brooding Soldier

"Relax, I think you're gonna like him! You both have a military background.”

"Why do I have to meet another one of your exes?"  

"Because he's gonna be staying over at our ship for a while. We need him to get through to the Andromedan Galaxy. He's a bounty hunter, too."

A vein bulged in the man’s forehead. "We already have one of your gamer nerd boyfriends here."

"Maxie, they're both doing us a favor! Please." Firebird held his large hands in hers, comforting him. "They'll be gone before you know it."

He relaxed a bit, eyebrows furrowing. "All right, Rosie." A smirk.

She rolled her eyes at him as she walked away.

"I love you, Maxie boy! Don't forget that." Turning on her heels, she looked him in the eye. "Even if all my exes conveniently show up at the same time, you're the only one for me."

"Pfft." Maximus caught the kiss in the air and placed it on his chest.

The doorbell rang again, reminding them of the visitor's presence. "Doorbell!" Nick's voice rang from one of the rooms, irritating the soldier.

"I'm in the middle of a stream here, could one of you go get it?"

"On it!" Firebird chirped. Unlocking the complex series of locks, she was greeted by a giant of a man. Muscular and stocky, with an eyepatch over his right eye, he looked every bit the pirate.

"Rosetta!" His deep voice bellowed, sounding something like Thor in the Avengers.

"Mike!" The man went in for a hug but she ducked quickly out of the way.

"This is my boyfriend, Captain Maximus of the Diagons."

The man's expression hardened. He turned to Max and held out his hand. "The name's Mike."

Maximus took one looked at Mike’s downturned hand and kept his arms crossed. Merely acknowledging the other man’s presence, he put an arm around Firebird and started walking.

Mike glowered at him, grinning passive-aggressively. “Not a talker, bud?”

“Yeah, he’s the silent type!” Firebird explained sheepishly. “By the way, we’ll be showing you to your room now!”

They showed him to the second guest room, right beside Nick’s, where his commentary and video game music could be heard.

“Nice of you folks to let me stay here while I lend my services.” Sticking his fingers into his belt loops, he smirked at his red-haired host. “Can I come over to your room and visit you when you’re lonely, Rosetta?”

“That won’t be necessary.” Maximus cut in, intervening.

“Lighten up, will ya?” Mike chuckled. “Can’t you take a joke?”

“You’re still not allowed in our room.” His voice was a frigid deadpan as he sized up the other male.

“I’ll have you know Firebird and I are in the same line of work. You’ll never understand her the way I do… you’ll also never know her the way I do.” The suggestive smile on Mike’s face made Maximus want to scrape it off with a cheese grater. Or a chainsaw.

Raising his hand to give Max a patronizing slap on the back, Mike was shocked when the soldier responded with a firm grip.

“C-calm down!” Firebird began, but in a second, they were at each other’s throats, attacking each other with various forms of laser weaponry. The aggression from earlier’s interactions got too pent up and could only be sated with violence.

“FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, WILL YOU GET ALONG OR BOTH OF YOU ARE OUT OF MY LIFE!”

Grunting, the two men stopped trying to kill each other.

“I’m trying to make this work. Okay? I know both of you hate each other right now, but it will be over soon. You’ll never see each other again.”

She turned to Maximus. “We need to talk.”

As they strode up to the ship roofdeck, Mike shot Maximus a proud “You’re in trouble!” smirk then disappeared into his room to make love to his favorite food in the world.

Nick’s head popped out into the doorway. “Can you guys keep it down? I’m trying to stream and the laser sounds are wreaking havoc on my audio.”

SHIP ROOFDECK

"I can see why you broke up with him. What an asshole.”

“He’s … that type of alpha male. The weird kind? Just think of him as Donald Trump and try not to take him too seriously.” Firebird sighed. “This is for you and your sanity, remember? We need him to-”

“Yeah, the lost Andromedan Galaxy.” He put a hand behind Firebird’s head and pulled her onto his chest. “Thanks a lot, FB. I’ll try not to blow him up while he’s here.”

Face buried on his chest, she replied cheekily. “Thanks, that would be great. Also, can you not use me as a stress ball?”

He let go of her after one last squeeze, then watched her walk to the end of the room. He raised a questioning eyebrow.

Ala "To All The Boys I've Loved Before," the redhead approached a cabinet of boxes full of names (raising questions for Max, of course). They were gifts from her exes, too valuable to throw away and too expensive to sell until she found the right buyer.

Heartless? Sentimental? Neither! She was being smart.

She opened a box with Mike's name on it, and out came a cask of expensive-looking collector’s blue cheese with angel dust sprinkled on top. Firebird recalled it was grown with a rare mold as well as alien royal jelly, used to create queens of an exotic insect species on an faraway planet.

Interestingly, the cheese had a suspicious hole in the middle.

The memories came flooding back.

"Mike, I'm home!" Firebird called out in her usual A pair of jeans spread out over the couch caught her eye. Squinting suspiciously, she crossed over to the kitchen to find Nick's boxers on the floor... near the counter.

What was going on? A shirt (at least what was left of it) was strewn around the hallway as she made her way to the bedroom.

"Either he's getting murdered by a rapist alien who likes to remove clothing before eating its victims, or he's cheating on me." She narrowed her eyes. "It better not be the second one."

The telltale signs were there. Soon enough, the telltale sounds filled her ears.

Nick's uncontrollable moaning erupted from behind the door. "OH OH yes... my baby, you are so good to me! Ooooooohhhhhh! Oh! You want to feel daddy inside you again? Naughty little girl, I could just eat you up!"

...

She took one of her explosives (the one that beeped with a death rattle before going off) and left it on the floor, calmly getting into the only escape pod left in the ship. Selectively sucking in all her belongings (a useful feature for quick escapes), she pushed a button and was on her way to her best friend.

Before she left, she heard Nick scream out. "OH. I just wanna spread you all over me! Oh, let me taste you and lick you all over mmhm..."

?

Why did it seem like he was talking about condiments? Whatever. She didn’t need someone who didn’t understand how busy she was. She didn’t need someone who couldn’t wait for her. She didn’t need a cheater.

If you don't love someone anymore, just leave them. Don't break their heart that way.

MEL’S DINER

Firebird walked coldly into the diner, surprising even Nailah. “Uh, girl? … what happened?”

In seconds, she was a hot mess, tears and whimpering flooding nonstop from her petite frame. Nailah hugged her immediately. “Oh my God. You can tell me. Shhhh, your bestie’s here to-”

The girl pulled out a knife. “Kill whoever did this to you, my sweet smol child, don’t worry.”

“I don’t know why anyone would cheat on me! Is something wrong with me!? Am I ugly!? Am I too busy? This is the first time this has happened to me and I have no clue what to do or what to feel God it hurts so much and I just wanna cry and be depressed but I also want to stick a fork in his eyeball we were dating for quite a while now and I thought he was the one because he and I are in the same line of work and are supposed to understand each other-”

“Mike.” Nailah growled, under her breath. Leaving the knife on the table, she gave FB her Comfort-o-Matic stuff toy (saved for moments like this) and calmly went to order fries at the diner counter.

A jazz band was singing onstage.

Your cheatin' heart

Will pine some day

And crave the love

You threw away

The time will come

When you'll be blue

Your cheatin' heart

Will tell on you

“Not now! Something snappy!” Nailah snapped, throwing a bunch of bills into the request-a-song jar.

Why do you build me up Buttercup, baby

Just to let me down and mess me around

And then worst of all you never call, baby

When you say you will but I love you still-

“SOMETHING HAPPY.”

You're just too good to be true

I can't take my eyes off you

You'd be like heaven to touch

I wanna hold you so much

“Okay, that’s better!” Food in tow, she went to her scorned friend and picked up the knife.

“Be right back, darling!”

“N-no it’s okay, I blew up his ship… to think I’d ever live with a cheater.” She sobbed. “Would a guy cheat on someone he really loved? Or are men just fickle?”

If only there was a way to erase the trauma. Nailah thought hard. FB was a good girl, but she was naive. Maybe Nick wasn’t cheating. Maybe there was a misunderstanding. She hoped so.

No one would cheat on her Rosetta. She didn’t believe it.

“FB? Remember the security cams you asked me to set up in your room? Uh, to make sure no one would kill you in your sleep?”

Tapping into them, Nailah took one look at the footage and almost cried from laughing.

“Wh-why? Let me see that…” Firebird sighed, peeking at her friend’s tablet.

"Girl, you have to see this! Hoo boy!”

Security cam footage of Nick repeatedly ramming a block of cheese onto his sausage.

“Woah, I knew he loved cheese, but I didn’t know it was that bad…”

Suddenly, the death rattle goes off and he frantically gets up. “ROSIE? ROSETTA! THERE’S A BOMB, WE HAVE TO EVACUATE!”

He grabs his precious block of cheese, looks at it one last time, and slams it onto the device.

"... my death bomb can be foiled by cheese?"

"Uh, I'll have to look into why, but hey, at least he didn't get blown up for something he didn't do right?"

"Hm, true!" Firebird's playful smile returned, her cheeks regaining color.

So he was faithful after all. "Ohh hmm love you being all over me, baby... oh yeah..." Nick continued rubbing himself with cheese.

???

Nailah turned off the recording. "Ew. So, you uh goin' back?"

"Yeah. He probably won't notice I'm gone."

She smiled brightly at her best friend. “Thanks for always being there for me, Nailah!”

“For sure!” A sweet hug between the two girls. “Be careful out there, okay? Also, remember to not have sex or else you’ll get pregnant and die. If anyone tries to hurt or rape you-”

“I get it MOM!” Firebird says, teasing her.

“Hey! We’re batchmates!”

“You brought the designated mom friend role on yourself!”

“Whatever!”

After a few more laughs and eeeys, FB was gone. Nailah smiled nostalgically at one of their really bad college photos, which happened to be her phone wallpaper. “You’re still that kid, huh? Never change.”

A posh voice broke through the air. Emphatically, it declared “I HEARD MY PRECIOUS ROSETTA HAS BEEN CHEATED ON AND HAVE ARRIVED WITH ROSES, CHOCOLATES, TISSUES, AND ICE CREAM!”

“Oh, hey Elduin.”

Elduin gasped, ruffling his expensive fur robes. “Nailah? Where is FB?”

“Oh, she just left. You missed her.”

The sound of Firebird’s spacepod leaving made Elduin groan. “Oh, fuck me in my snowy white elf behind!”

Nailah:

Elduin:

Nailah:

Elduin: uh ok I’ll be going now bye

BACK AT THE SHIP

“WHERE WERE YOU? I thought you left me for good. I panicked when I saw all your stuff was missing and I was just about to leave!” He hugged her tightly in those strong, muscle-bound arms. Everything would have been perfect if he didn’t smell like a mixture of body fluids and cheese.

Running a gentle hand down a scar on his arm, she lay her head on his chest. “I’m glad you didn’t get blown up. I’m sorry I thought you were cheating on me!”

"Unbelievable. I would never." Mike assured her. “Hold on, I’ll take a shower then I’ll be right back. We can go on a date!”

Entering his 1-second-shower machine, he emerged squeaky clean and threw on some clothes. “Do  you wanna go hunting for forbidden treasures? I found an underground temple raining with diamonds! Or or-”

“Sounds great!” Firebird said, eyes sparkling. “But for tonight… I think I wanna just stay inside with you. We can watch earth movies!”

Nick’s expression softened. “You must be tired from crying. I’m sorry. I’d never do that, okay?”

Carrying her onto the sofa, he let her use him as a pillow while they watched her favorite earth movies known as “chick flicks.” He even gave her the magical cheese made from royal jelly that he won at a large auction because he knew Firebird loved (selling) collector’s items.

He gave her his cheese. That was how much he loved Rosetta.

Patting her head softly, he ran his large fingers through her long red hair. “I love you, baby girl.”

“I’m not that small!”

“Relatively, you are.”

GRRRRRRRRRRR

“Shh, you’re moody again. You know what, I’ll bring out the drinks.”

“You don’t have to-”

The man was off like a shot because the only thing he loved as much as cheese was alcohol.

“Maybe one sip!”

Mike nodded and poured Firebird one half of a shot, then downed the rest of the bottle. She lapped at it once and put on a sour expression.

“Come on. Drink it all.”

Reluctantly drinking ½ of a shot she was given, she held out her empty cup.

He poured her one whole shot this time and downed another bottle. “Why do you like this?” Firebird exclaimed.

BACK TO PRESENT TIME

Max was bemused at Firebird’s story. “So he’s a cheese-o-phile AND a drunk? What a messed up creep.”

“By the way, I also have to explain something!” She cried, turning red. “Mike… thinks we had sex. But we didn’t! We never did! He was just very very drunk!”

She continued her story.

THIRTY BOTTLES OF WINE LATER…

Mike’s face was flushed completely red, his body shivering with glee (and the high). “Hooo, that feels great!” He roared, an absent-minded arm around his girlfriend’s neck.

“You smell awful!” She teased.

“Not as awful as what I’m about to do to you, my baby girl…”

Placing her on his lap, he forcibly kissed her neck and restrained her by the waist. She had to admit he was a great kisser, and feeling his rough caresses and hungry kisses made her weak at the knees. However...

Nailah’s words echoed in her head: Also, never have sex or you will get pregnant and die…

Without hesitation, she took the royal cheese Nick gave her and opened it, releasing its pungent smell in the air. But Nick loved it.

“Oh, Rosetta, you’re tapping into my desires! I LOVE IT MMMHMM. Put it on me!”

He began to fumble with his pants, but at least he let her go! “Uhm, you have fun!”

She tiptoed away from him, but heard him kissing the cheese. “Oh, my Rosetta, you’re so beautiful… such a good kisser! Oh, let me go inside-”

She slammed the door to her room and tried to drift off to sleep.

BACK TO THE PRESENT

“Disgusting. I hope I never see that.” Max shuddered.

“Anyway!” Firebird began, brightly. “Give this to Nick! Apologize and become friends since he’s helping us! Go! Go!”

At Firebird’s coaxing, Max made his way to Mike’s room and knocked on the door.

“Come in!”

He was greeted by the “pleasant sound” of cheese slurching, melting, and spreading on Mike’s sausage. “Oh wait! Don’t come in! It’s a habit for me to say that! CLOSE THE DOOR!”

[suckitsurveys]

1. Have you ever used melatonin to help you sleep? Yes, once or twice.

2. Are you as pumped as I am for Dexter’s 6th season to premiere? If not, what IS a show you’re excited for? Old survey, but I am excited to finally watch Arrested Development season 5. And for BoJack Horseman season 5 whenever it comes out.

3. When was the last time you felt overworked? Yesterday. And I currently have so much to do today but here I am. Hahaha.

4. ^What about underappreciated? At work? It’s been a while. I feel pretty valued here. It makes me feel so good when my coworkers tell me they were lost without me if I missed a day or something. I say as I am currently avoiding work oops.

5. Do you enjoy memes? If so, what’s your favorite? Oh my GOD yes. I love too many. The internet is amazing.

6. Have you ever had a sinus infection? Yes.

7. Ever have a day where you just felt like saying “I QUIT”? Yes.

8. What kind of cigarettes does your best friend smoke? If they don’t smoke, name someone you know that does. I don’t pay attention to those things.

9. I love autumn. What’s your favorite thing about it? Halloween. Leaves. Pumpkin everything.

10. When was the last time your pet bit you? If you don’t have a pet, have you ever been bitten by someone else’s? My cat play bites. She‘s never seriously bitten me before. I was bitten by a dog when I was young though.

11. I have that damn Move Like Jagger song stuck in my head. Are there any overplayed songs on the radio that frequent your brain? Like what? Of course. I listen to the radio on the way to work every morning. I currently have Ariana Grande’s No Tears Left to Cry stuck in my head. Which I’m not mad about.

12. Are you pro-life in any aspect? (in regards to abortion, the death penalty, etc) I mean, life is pretty cool. I am pro people who are already born continuing to be alive. I have mixed feelings about the death penalty because I think it’s wrong to kill people obviously but also all rapists should die so. That’s a whole thing for another day. As for abortion, I am 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000% pro-choice. No one gets to control what happens in my body except for me.

13. What was the last magazine that you read? I have no idea.

14. I know someone with a pet squirrel. Do you find this odd or would you love to have one? Nope and no thanks.

15. What’s the longest shift you have ever worked? If you don’t have a job, what’s the longest shift you think you could endure? 10 hours.

16. Is there a song you’re surprised your significant other (or best friend) likes? What is it? When Mark and I first met in real life I gave him my iPod to choose a song while we drove to our location and he picked Benny and the Jets by Elton John and I was not expecting that. I’ve also caught him listening to Lana Del Rey on his own a few times :P.

17. Would you rather watch Jeopardy or Wheel of Fortune? Jeopardy.

18. What do you think of Jo Calderone, Lady Gaga’s male alter-ego? I had no idea that was a thing.

19. I’ve known my best friend since kindergarten. We’re now 21. :) What’s the longest you’ve known your best friend for? This question is worded weird but I get what you’re saying. I’ve known Sarah and Randal for 15 years, Lydia for 14, and Mark for 7.

20. Remember Midget Mac from I Love New York? No.

21. What’s the least amount of money you’ve ever spent on a car? If you don’t have one, you may refer to your parent’s car. My current car was handed down to me from my dad. I’m slowly paying him back for it as in I gave him $100 once like 8 months ago haha. Oops.

22. If you liked Britney Spears in the 90s, do you still like her now? Sure.

23. I have no upper body strength. What part of your body is the weakest? Core.

24. How long can you hold it if you really have to pee? I haven’t timed it.

25. When’s the last time you called in, whether for work or school? If you can remember, what was the reason? I was sick a couple weeks ago and took off three days.