#p:lmgh

[hqtbells-blog]

let me go home + treegan

TAGGING: Troian Bellisario, Keegan Allen @supitskeegs, Phillip + Sophia Allen.

LOCATION: Lax, Keegan’s home, Troian’s home. Los Angeles, CA.

TIMEFRAME: March 25th, 2017. Late night.

NOTES: On the eve of Phillip’s third birthday, Troian comes home from weeks away and is just a little bit home sick..and heart sick. Featuring a comforting Keegan Allen + two almost suffocated children.

Troian woke up from her small slumber as soon as she heard the pilot letting the flight know that they were landing soon. Her stomach swirled anxiously - but these were good nerves, she was so excited to be back on California soil and reunited with her kids. Staying in Toronto all this time had done a number on her. There were bags under her eyes, her voice was hoarse from lack of sleep, and Troian knew she had lost a few pounds from loss of appetite. It was all part of the job, to have to go to different countries and be away from her family, but this had been rough on Troian. The stress of working with her ex, the stress of being away from her kids, the stress of just being alone out there..Troian suddenly realized just how hard it had been for Keegan when he was doing his play in NYC that long time ago. It wasn't hard to imagine just how lonely and isolated he felt when she was sitting in her hotel room, watching everyone she loved live their lives with each other from her Instagram and Snapchat. Shaking herself out of this reverie, Troian exhaled as the plane came to a shuddering stop. No matter - she was home now. Standing up to collect her carry-on and waiting for the aisle to be clear, Troian pulled out her phone and texted Keegan. 'Just landed. Be out soon. xo.' Hitting send, Troian shouldered her bag and smiled gratefully at a man who stopped to let her exit.

Keegan was glad that Troian was coming back to Los Angeles. He knew that she was having a hard time being far away in Toronto for this long, especially being away from the kids for this long. It was hard and Keegan had tried to make his way there to visit but he was busy himself and Phillip was still giving him a hard time every now and then like he was giving Troian a hard time prior to that. He didn't know what was going on but maybe now that Troian would be back in California, they'd be able to make a first step in doing something about it. Keegan decided to leave the kids at home since it was getting late and to get them all ready to go in the car and out seemed pointless. Keegan knew Troian could see them once he picked her up and then they could go home with her, knowing she'd probably need that. Waiting for her outside the airport, Keegan saw a text from her saying she landed which made him tell her where she could find him. He got out of the car so she would be able to spot him better and he looked for her as well. Waving his hand when he saw her, Keegan got her attention and started walking towards her. "Hey, welcome home," he smiled before giving her a hug.

Troian exited the plane and headed off towards her gate. It was late at night so not too many people were crowding around the area and it didn't take her long to find Keegan in the sea of people. A genuine smile split across her face as soon as she saw him, and she quickened her pace to meet him halfway. Not saying a word, Troian dropped her carry on bag to the ground and wrapped her arms around his neck in a tight squeeze. Just being held by Keegan right now felt incredible and breathing in his familiar, and comforting, smell made the knot in her chest loosen. "Hi," she finally greeted him back and brushed her hair away from her face. She was glad he had offered to pick her up because the thought of driving home by herself right now was too sad to think about. She had been alone for too long and she just wanted to have him by her side for a little bit. "I'm guessing the kids are at home?" She questioned, guiding him over to baggage claim and pulling her suitcase off the carousel. "I hope they're still up when we get back." Moving closer to him, Troian wrapped an arm around Keegan's waist. "It's /really/ good to see you," she confessed to him with a small smile. "Was the traffic bad?"

Keegan held her tightly, sensing that she needed it and only pulling away a few minutes later when she spoke. "Yeah, I decided on not bringing them. I figured I'd just drive you back to my place and you can see them and bring them home with you if you want. I know you've been away from them for a while and today is your day anyway," he said to Troian. "Oh they'll still be up. I told them I was going to get you and they're all excited. My mom is with them now," he smiled. "It's really good to see you too. The traffic wasn't bad, no. It usually isn't this time of night so you planned your flight perfectly," he smiled. Keegan helped Troian with her bags and put them in the trunk before getting in the car and driving once she was settled. "So how are you doing? And tell me honestly."

Troian smiled at the thought of the kids waiting up to see her. She knew she was going to be a tearful mess upon being reunited with them so the drive over would be great to get herself together. As they stopped at Keegan's car, Troian handed Keegan some of her heavier bags and then slid her suitcase into the final slot that was allotted, stepping back so Keegan could shut the trunk. That had been a simple thing to do but she already felt exhausted. She needed either a large cup of coffee or to just chill out in a comfy seat for a minute. Getting into the front passenger seat of Keegan's car, Troian rested her legs up on the dashboard and slumped over. "I'm so tired," she answered him with her eyes closed. "I feel like I haven't slept properly in years. And I just wanna like..cry, you know? Like just get everything out and then I'll be good." Straightening up, Troian cleared her throat and gave Keegan a small smile. "But I'm really happy to be home and to be seeing you. I feel like this is the easiest I've breathed since I left."

Keegan listened as Troian said she was tired, knowing she was probably working a lot there and maybe not even sleeping well since she seemed homesick. "Cry?" He questioned, furrowing his brows. It was one thing to be home sick but for some reason, this felt like something more. "What do you need to get out?" He asked her, focusing on the road. He was glad she was happy to be home and already starting to feel a little better but Keegan could still tell something was off. "It feels like there's something you're not telling me. Like something that might've happened? Did something happen while you were there that you didn't like?" He asked hesitantly. Keegan hoped nothing serious was going on and it really was just her being homesick and needing to catch up on sleep but he wanted to make sure it was that and only that.

Troian stared out the window as Keegan drove, before turning her face to him. He seemed genuinely concerned and of course he would be - this was /Keegan/ and he cared more about others than himself. "You know when you're just..thrown into something new and you have nobody around you?" Troian's fingers played with the frayed hems of a distressed tee she had thrown over herself for the flight over and then cleared her throat. "Remember when you left for New York when you got your play? You were always so sad when we talked, and you always seemed so lonely. I thought I understood but I don't think I /really/ understood just how stifling that loneliness was until I experienced it myself. It's like while I was in Toronto, I was on an island all by myself and it just got really..dark sometimes. I've felt so sad these past few weeks and I haven't known how to tell anybody." This was not the way Troian wanted to start out her homecoming but maybe it was better for her to get it out of her system. And who else but Keegan was going to give her the comfort she needed? "I did..stupid things and I've just felt really lost. I've felt really homesick, Keegs. And especially with Philly acting up..it didn't feel right for me to be over there and I couldn't shake that feeling away."

Keegan nodded when Troian started comparing how she felt to how he did when first getting to New York City to do his play. It was an exciting, new experience for him and while he was excited, he definitely struggled. It was hard being across the country, starting something new and not knowing anyone and just having to make his way. Now that Troian was saying that's how she felt, he understood completely and let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, T. You should've told me this before hand, you know? You know I know how it feels and you could've said something while you were there so that I could've tried to help make it a little easier," he said quietly. "I know, it's even harder for you I'm sure because we have kids now. When I was in NYC, we didn't have kids so I wasn't missing them on top of it," he mumbled. "But this is just what we're going to have to get used to, right? Now that we're going to be starting new projects, who knows where they're going to be or for how long. It's the business we're in and it's hard but I know you can do it," he told her. "We'll be able to figure out what's going on with Philip. You're home now and hopefully things will start to get better."

Troian nodded as Keegan spoke, knowing he was right. "It's just..I know I can always come to you. I know that, Keegs, really. But it's..different now that we're separated. You know?" She turned her face to look at him, biting her bottom lip and hoping that this came out the way she meant it to. "I can't just dump all my stuff on you - When we were dating, you'd be the first person I called because that just came with the territory. You had to deal with my shit," Troian joked, letting out a soft laugh and then sighed. "But you're not obligated to do that anymore. You've got your own life, your own things to be worrying about. I can't make you fix my messes every single time." Troian had wanted to call Keegan so many times but when did that turn into her using him as a crutch and stopping him from doing his own thing? Troian never wanted to cross that line. "I guess I've just got to figure out how to handle it better. I always get really bad anxiety when my routine is changed." She played with her hands before looking back up. "You're right, though. I'll be wrapped soon and then I'll be home and this will just be a rough spot. All I want to focus on right now is celebrating Philly."

Keegan knew that Troian had a point and it was different now. They weren't together, but that didn't mean Keegan wasn't going to not be there for Troian when she was going through something. "You make it sound like I was forced to or something," he chuckled, shaking his head. "But we're still best friends, T. I mean sure, there's a difference now obviously but I'm always going to be here for you. That's always been evident whether we're dating or not," he shrugged. "I wouldn't have minded and you wouldn't have kept me from doing anything else. I could be helping you while still going on with my life. You aren't a burden," he told her sincerely. "But it is important for you to focus on yourself and do what's best for you and I know it helps you if you're able to figure out how to handle things your way. No one else can do that for you," he said quietly. "Yeah, you'll be alright. It's just a rough spot and things get better, they always do. You got it. We're going to make sure Sunday is real special for him."

Troian smiled slightly at the sincerity in Keegan's tone. "You know me," she stated softly. "I always feel like a burden." She gave him a wry smile and then brushed her hair away from her face again. "You're probably the only one I've really told this to because you're the only one I knew wouldn't think I was a complete basketcase." Troian had always had a problem opening up to others and talking about herself and in the beginning with Keegan, it had been a huge struggle. She was used to taking care of herself, even if her self-care methods weren't exactly healthy sometimes. "But thanks Keegs." Troian reached over and grabbed his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze before letting go so he could focus on driving. She knew that the pit in her stomach wasn't going to go completely away with one talk but tonight, at least she didn't feel so alone.

Keegan shook his head. "I'll never see you that way. As a burden or a basketcase. You know that," he told her. "I'm always going to be here so it's up to you on how much you want to tell me or how you want me involved. You don't have to do it all alone but I know it's important for you to figure things out on your own too. But even while you're doing that, I can still help you however I can," he said, squeezing her hand in return. He hoped that Troian felt a little better about things, even if he knew it wouldn't be an instant cure. A few minutes later he was pulling into the driveway and smiled softly. "I know you're going to feel much better after seeing Philly and Soph," he said while nodding, getting out of the car and making his way to the house. He opened the door and closed it once Troian was inside. "Guess who's back?!" Keegan yelled out and a few minutes later, his kids came running. "Mommy!" They exclaimed and Keegan smiled as he looked on at them reuniting.

Troian reflected on Keegan's words as they neared closer and closer to his home. There were some things she /couldn't/ tell him - she certainly wasn't going to spill on her one night stand. She knew Keegan wouldn't think less of her and she knew she didn't have anything to apologize for but..still. It wasn't as if she wanted to hear about his sexual adventures either. Her stomach twisting at this thought, Troian forced herself to stop thinking about all the things that usually kept her up all night in Toronto. She was home, she had Keegan right beside her completely willing and wanting to listen to whatever she had to say and in a few minutes, she'd be hugging the stuffing out of her kids. When the car was parked, Troian was out of it in a flash and at the front door before Keegan could even lock the car behind him. One doorknob twisting open and then Troian was kneeling down, pressing kisses into her son and daughter's hair. "My babies," she squealed. "Mommy missed you! Were you good for Daddy?" She pulled them closer to her and beamed at Keegan as he came in after her, watching them. "No," Troian protested as Phillip began to wriggle. "Let me love you!" His laughter was music to her ears as she held him tighter. "Daddy can wait for hugs, just a little longer!"

Keegan smiled as Troian continued hugging Phillip and Sophia. She wouldn't let them go and that didn't surprise him, though it made him chuckle since they were being suffocated and clearly getting annoyed by it like most little kids did. Laughing as she spoke, Keegan placed a hand on Troian's shoulder once she spoke. "Maybe let them breathe for a little and then you can hug them later. Plus you have the rest of the night and you can put them to bed. You'll get your time," he smiled. "Why don't you guys get your stuff ready so that you can go home with Mommy in a few minutes?" He said, mainly to Phillip who would be able to do so. Sophia would need some help but thankfully Troian had stuff at her house anyway. "So are you gonna be okay?" He asked Troian once they were alone.

Troian pouted as Keegan gently reminded her that their children needed to breathe to see another day. "Fine," she grumbled and reluctantly let Phillip and Sophia go. She had been picturing this moment for ages and her arms were already antsy to hold them again. Watching as they went to go get their things, Troian bit her lip. She had been wanting to ask Keegan if she could crash there for the night but now that she thought about it, her bed was sounding amazing. The thought of sprawling out on it with both kids next to her as they slept was the closest thing to Heaven she was going to get. Turning to face Keegan as he asked her a question, Troian pushed her mouth to the side as she contemplated her answer. "I feel like there's still something heavy in me," she admitted. "But I think I'm going to be okay. I always am, right?" She gave him a small smile and then looked around the room. "Can you believe he turns three tomorrow? It seemed like just yesterday I was throwing my pregnancy stick at you.." Grinning at him and giving him a sideways glance, Troian chuckled.

Keegan nodded when Troian spoke, glad that she said she was going to be okay. "Of course and I have no doubt that you will be," he said, grabbing her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "It's insane, I can't believe it. Three years really flew by..." He trailed off, shaking his head in disbelief. Phillip came towards them with Sophia trailing behind and they looked ready to go, causing Keegan to smile. "Good job, I'm proud of you. Thank you for helping your sister too. Such a big boy," he said, ruffling Phillip's hair gently. "I'll drop you guys off since you don't have your car here," he said to Troian, leading the way outside. He got Phillip and Sophia in the car before getting in the driver's seat and driving to Troian's place. They started talking about Phillip's birthday party in the car to get him all excited and Keegan grinned. It was nice to have these family moments every now and then regardless if they were together or not. Pulling into Troian's driveway, Keegan got out of the car so that he could help get the kids inside and say goodbye to them properly.

Troian "Yeah. It did," Troian reflected softly, stuck in her own memories. That was Troian - always stuck in the past. A painful ache settled over her chest and she opened her mouth to say something to Keegan but they were interrupted by their children coming in. Troian never knew this if this was a blessing or an obstacle for her. Still, unable to stop herself from smiling, Troian picked up Phillip and nodded as Keegan offered to drive them home. "Thanks," she told him and pushed Phillip's hair aside. "You excited for tomorrow? You're turning three!" "I'm turning three?" Phillip sweetly questioned, apparently unable to figure out what that mean but knowing it was big. Troian chuckled, nodding, and handed him to Keegan to put in the car seat. The ride over was too quick for Troian's liking and when they pulled in, Troian got her bags while Keegan ushered them in. When she had shut the front door behind her, Troian leaned against it. "You sure you have to go?" She asked wistfully, biting her lip and then straightened up, chuckling self consciously. "Sorry. Of course you have to go. I'll be there bright and early to help you set up tomorrow."

Keegan got inside of Troian's house and greeted the dogs before looking at Phillip and Sophia. "Okay guys, give Daddy a hug and kiss. I'll see you tomorrow for Philly's big day," he said, getting a grin out of Phillip which made him smile. He hugged and kissed both of them and said goodnight. "Your last night as a two year old, make it count," he said to his son before winking. Once they went upstairs, Keegan looked at Troian and smiled slightly when she spoke. "I hate to leave you but yeah, I should get home and I'm sure you're excited to sleep in your own bed tonight. Plus we're going to have a long day tomorrow so we should both go to bed as soon as we can," he chuckled, walking over to give her another hug. "Thank you, but I'll take care of things in the morning too. We make a great team," he told her, squeezing her shoulder gently before pulling away. "Night T. I'll see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams."

Troian smiled slightly, nodding. She knew Keegan was right but that didn't mean she wasn't disappointed he couldn't stay the night. She watched as he said goodbye to Phillip and Sophia and Troian nodded her head towards the staircase. "I'll be up there in a bit. Go get in Mommy's bed." Their footsteps pounded up and Troian watched until she saw Phillip's legs disappear around the corner. "Yeah. A great team," she echoed and clutched the end of the staircase. She waited until he had disappeared behind the door before finishing in a soft voice, "Night Keegs." Pressing her lips together, Troian exhaled and then turned around to head up to her children. Home sweet home, if only for a little bit.