#p.s. Xander you need to have a shitton more kids like jesus h christ boy what have you even been doing

[tirsden]

Last time, we started out with Shane the child ruler of Iceland battling for power with her regent Sigfus, who I have since confirmed was indeed her chancellor once she wrenched the throne from him (I wasn't sure last round, memory holes and whatnot). His obnoxious ass had declared war on me after I failed to assassinate him, and I realized belatedly it was probably because he was in my court and my beefy intrigue perks had high protection specifically on my court… whoopsie.

Either way, I'd kicked him out of my court by the time he declared war. So, now we're down to a sliver of land after being imprisoned for crimes against the former-regent-and-counsellor-turned-Jarl, which was fixed up right quick with some ransom gold because Sigfus is a doof. I'm still chieftainess? Good. We can work with this.

While fleshing out my family tree, I noticed that I was actually listed as an heir to the entire country… after Sigfus's one and only child. Hmmmmm, but he has a relatively young wife, that's not good. Oh well, sonny and waifu didn't last long. And the hard lock on trying to kill Sigfus himself was coming to an end, just as I saw he betrothed himself to a 12 year old girl. Don't worry sweetie, you're gonna be fine. Meanwhile, Sigfus kept trying to revoke my titles? My claims? The mechanics for that stuff is confusing, but I think he managed to sort-of mess two of them up which will become relevant later, but for now… he's running out of time.

Sigfus died of snake, going to his grave with the nickname "The Greedy" which surprises nobody. Everyone forget he ever existed, please and thank you. Iceland is mine again, bwahahaha! And I packed the court, which eventually had two of my own kids, and I kept killing off bishops because each new guy hated me so much, can't imagine why.

My firstborn son Richard lost his damned arm while training with one of my marshals, wtf. I actually had a lot of problems with marshals, or shall I say, my former-spymaster hubby Gunnarr did. He kept whining that they were insulting him, so I kept banishing them. One more time, dearest hubster, and I'm killing you instead. He died of old age before he could bitch about New Guy Number Whatever, go fig.

Ring in the new hopefully-less-gripey hubby, and enough people have been turned into witches behind the scenes that I formed a coven. The coven included none other than the one bishop I decided NOT to kill, partly because he was young and I'm thinking about the future now.

Then Richard died, and that wasn't good for the ol' stress level… rocked further by the death of my good friend and oceanic neighbor the Bastard King of Norway. Sadface. I now had to deal with a wrench in my inheritance plans, as Richard's lone son yoinked himself into the next-in-line slot ahead of my remaining sons. Said kiddo didn't like me. And had a funny name (I think I'd hit the randomizer at the time of birth). Gosh, people die so easily around here!

Xander, one of my sons I actually wanted to succeed me now, became first in line after the death of whoever-that-was. I noticed not long after this, that he wasn't going to inherit the titles for two sections of land I owned (I thiiiink this is from Sigfus's shenanigans). Thus, I bestowed those titles upon my youngest son Kaito, because I need more practice with vassals after my whole "taking over the entire country" thing and have been sole ruler of everything ever since. Did I mention Kaito is 11? He has some lady as a regent now in his new vassaldoms, while mumsy has flashbacks of her childhood.

The timing of deciding land ownership couldn't have been more poignant, as Shane died not much later. Nine kills under her delicate belt, and never lost "The Witch" as her nickname. I love her epitaph, except "burn" should be "serve popsicles" of course. And the crown is handed down… with the kingdom immediately trying to fracture via my spymaster-hubby's son Gunnarr thinking he has any right to the throne just cuz he's named after the husband I had for an actual long time. Sheesh.

Good luck, Xander. You're gonna need it.