#para: bold lies & half truths | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

declinlalune · 1 year

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Bold Lies & Half Truths || Andy & Jazz

TIMING: current. LOCATION: the common. PARTIES: @notpigmeat & @declinlalune SUMMARY: jazz is trying to impress his date. andy overhears and is both confused and concerned. CONTENT WARNINGS: guns (not used)

Andy stuck her phone in the front pocket of her flannel, deciding the 5% battery wasn’t worth wasting. It was harder to want to go home after Kaden’s tumble with the wolf, and though she had a variety of questions to ask him, she couldn’t bring herself to actually get them out. She wanted desperately to understand the guilt he could feel so that she could help him absolve it. But where would she start when she hadn’t even handled her own? Andy half-wondered, too, if Alex would blame herself for what happened to him. The thought made her sick.

But not as sick as the guy feeding information about a raccoon into his date’s ears. Something about sharp claws and venomous teeth? Had she heard that right? It was possible that this was something she didn’t know about, but from where she was sitting, she could tell there was nothing off about it. It was just a regular raccoon. Andy let him speak a moment longer before she pointed towards it. “So it’s really dangerous? How?” Maybe she’d let him fumble over his words so that the date could see what a giant jackass he was being. Maybe it was about impressing them, but even though Andy didn’t hunt and she hadn’t since she was young, there was something about lying about non-dangerous things being dangerous that made her frustrated. What if this person went around killing all the raccoons they could find from now on?

Jazz looked away from his date for a moment to the woman asking questions. "Perfect." He thought. "Yeah, so the scientific name of this little guy is 'Raccooness Ruderalis'. One of only 2 marsupials on the continent. They're known for their venomous bite and cantankerous demeanor." He said. Jazz knew he was full of shit but they didn't. All he knew was that his date liked wildlife and funky creatures. Simple stuff to make up. After all, he was a scribe. Not that the title of scribe really meant anything, honestly. His date stepped closer to him. Obviously, intimidated by his words. Jazz grinned. "Don't worry, I'm an expert on these like this. You're safe." He winked at the frightened woman as she squeezed even closer to him. 'Yeah I'm busting some cheeks toniiiiight.' He thought to himself. And indeed, if things kept going as they were he'd definitely be getting some cheeks that night.

“Raccoo…” Andy didn’t bother finishing the name that he had made up. She had to admit, he was at least giving descriptors that could exist in a town like Wicked’s Rest. “How do you get rid of them?” She looked at the racoon that was minding its own business in the trash can with an arched brow. If it went up any further, it’d disappear into her hairline. The guy’s date, however, seemed fascinated by the information that he was providing. “An expert?” Andy leaned her weight onto one hip as she watched the racoon fumble around with a candy wrapper. She had half a mind to snatch it away. “Do you work in animal control or something?” She asked, trying to remember if Kaden had mentioned a co-worker giving falsified information away. “It does look really scary. What if it jumps out and bites us?”

"Silver bullet," Jazz answered quickly. He knew that question was coming sooner or later. "We don't wanna hurt the specimen tonight but yes, silver bullets would do the trick." His dates eyes sparkled as she listened intently. "But what if he jumps out at us?" She asked.

Jazz was less prepared for that question. But he's been pulling excuses out of his ass for years.

"Not to worry. I'll handle it." Jazz pulled a pistol from his back pocket. He twirled it around his finger trying to imitate a western movie he'd seen. He nearly dropped the gun. You'd think that anyone seeing this would think he's an idiot. But not his date.

"I'm a great shot. Everyone in the Scribe Society has to be." He explained pulling yet another assertion out of thin air. His date marveled at his claimed ability biting her lip slightly. Jazz noticed. He was pleased.

"And yes little lady, I'm an expert." He said through a grin at this random bystander. He winked and returned his pistol to his waistband.

"I suppose you could say I'm in a type of animal control. I'd explain what the Scribe Society is but you may not understand."

“A silver bullet?” Andy watched the man as he explained what they could do to get rid of the raccoon. And then he was pulling a gun out of his pocket? Why did he have a gun in his pocket?

It was highly unlikely, she realized, that this man was a part of the scribes at all. He was blatantly lying, and for what? To get laid? If it hadn’t been for the gun, then maybe Andy could have sat by quietly and listened to him spin lies, but she wasn’t sure she could stay quiet any longer.

She got up from the bench and approached him. “I didn’t know that they gave weapons to the scribes.” She had no idea if they did or not. Andy didn’t go to them, mostly because they worked with hunters, and the last thing she wanted was to be associated with any of the hunters (aside from Emilio and Kaden, apparently) in Wicked’s Rest.

“I know what a scribe is,” She said now, but not to him. Instead, it was directed towards his date. “What else do you know about the raccoo– whatever it was called.” She crossed her arms over her chest, gaze sweeping to the waistband where he kept his gun. Andy hoped that he at least knew how to properly care for it, above all else.

Jazz paused for a moment. His mind flashed to earlier that day. He was sitting at his desk organizing files about various fae and creatures. It was so quiet that you could hear the clock on the wall tick it's seconds away. He looked up at the other scribes. One was sleeping at their desk. Another was eating a sandwich they brought from home. He knew he couldn't tell his date that this was his day to day. Hell, he wasn't even supposed to talk about being a scribe in the first place. He gazed in the eyes of the woman that was interrupting his date.

"Weapons are standard issue, little lady. This one is my own though." He pulled his shirt to the side just a bit to reveal the gun.

To be honest he knew nothing about raccoons. He would have to pull something from the very crack of his ass if he was to continue the ruse.

"Raccoonus Ruderalis. Yes, a very common creature amongst these parts. They can take a man's arm off in one bite. And… umm, you see how they look like they have a mask on? It's actually a trick to make you think they're regular raccoons. Tricky little bastards…."

Complete nonsense. That's what was spilling from his mouth. He didn't care. He'd had a dry spell since he'd gotten to Wicked's Rest. He'd never been longer than a couple of days without the company of a woman when he was still a boxer. The lack of panties in his life was driving him mad.

".... And that's why they have thumbs." He finished.

Jazz was annoyed by the woman but he didn't show it. Though the bead of sweat on his forehead likely gave him away.

He flashed a view of the gun again and Andy felt her stomach twist. Even if scribes were allowed to have guns (which she still had no clue if true or not), she wasn’t sure that this guy was a true scribe. She stared at him, expression edging on incredulous now.

“Tricky little bastards,” She repeated, gaze flickering to the raccoon that was unfazed by the three humans’ presence. Andy fought every bone in her body that was telling her to call him out. Maybe he knew what he was doing with the gun, maybe he knew how to protect himself. In a town like Wicked’s Rest, there was no judging anyone for having a weapon for self defense. Hell, she had a knife in her bag.

But what if that silver bullet was turned on the wrong person? What if what he said he knew was bullshit and somebody paid the price?

“They have thumbs?” Andy hadn’t realized that raccoons had thumbs. That was new information at least. She looked to his date, who still seemed completely enamored with him. She couldn’t believe that somebody was buying this shit. “Do you know about their cousin?” She decided that instead of calling him out on the spot, she’d provide some bullshit of her own. Maybe it’d spin him in the hotseat and he’d give up and decide to never lie about this kind of thing again.

Andy thought for a moment before continuing, knowing she needed to be as convincing for his date to believe her, too. “Racinitis Raconulus. They spit poison from their mouths when they’re upset. I think you might be mistaking that one for the cousin species.” This felt oddly like the woman with the white hart. “And they also can take off somebody’s head completely clean off with the spikes on their tail.”

"'Racinitis Raconulus' was only recently discovered a few years ago. In fact I know the man that did…." At this point he was talking without thinking. Why was this chick pressing him so hard??? There was no Racinitis Raconulus. She knew and he did too. "I'm just trying to get some ass." He screamed in his head.

"As much as I'd love to keep this conversation going I'm sure you noticed in have a date." He said with a slight frown, that signaled for her to get going. "So, if you'll excuse is…"

“You know the man who discovered Racinitis Raconulus?” If she could just take the focus off the fact that he was carrying a weapon, maybe she could pull him to the side and ask him if he were really a part of the scribes. He was getting himself involved in a world that didn’t seem to suit him, what with the lies.

Maybe this was a tactic, she thought. But Andy wasn’t sure if the scribes would approve of that. She blinked at him as he tried to cut the conversation. Was there really much more she could do? She didn’t know him, and it was clear that he didn’t care about the misinformation he was spreading. “How can I reach you? In case I have more questions.” She didn’t want him to think she was trying to hit on him, and she didn’t want his date to misunderstand, so she quickly added, “my girlfriend and I really want to keep ourselves safe.” That was a bullshit lie. She didn’t have a girlfriend, but whatever.

Jazz was fed up at this point. His frown has turned into a scowl. This was the first date he's had since he's been in Wicked's Rest and tho whole thing was about to go belly up because of this random girl.

"How do you reach me? We're in Connecticut. Look for the one Black dude." Jazz said rudely yet sincerely. His date have him a playful elbow to the ribs as if to tell him to be nice. She smiled at the interrupter and excused herself to a nearby ladies room. Jazz took this opportunity to set things straight. He waited until she was out of earshot before starting.

"Yo what the hell?!?!? I'm tryin' to grease these here butt cheeks and you blowin' up the spot!" He said angrily. He had a habit of letting his southern accent come out when he was irritated or upset. His Texas drawl was on full display.

“This isn’t Connecticut, this is Maine.” Andy stared at him, watching as the woman he was with excused herself to the bathroom. At least now she could ask him what this was all about. While she didn’t exactly feel like outing her knowledge of the supernatural, it would be better to tell him she knew that he was lying then let him continue to do it, right?

But she hadn’t expected his frustration. “You’re– what?” Men really would say anything. Where was the respect? It was clear that this man had none. Either for her, or for the woman he was trying to take home. “You’re lying to her. I know you are. You’re a scribe? How? Where?” She stared at him. “Do you know how dangerous it is to tell somebody how to kill something like that? It’s just a raccoon! You seem charming, you can probably woo her in ways that won’t send her off gunning down every mammal she sees.”

"Connecticut, Maine. Who cares? We're in the middle of Crackerville. Aight?" He said condescendingly. Maybe he was being a bit harsh but, he had to get his rocks off and this chick was the only one standing in the way.

"No shit I'm lying. You think they give Scribes guns? Scribes are pacifists. I got recruited to be one but apparently their background check missed a few things." Why was he explaining? He didn't know honestly. Maybe if he came completely clean she'd back off.

"Look, this girl is a certified redneck. She loves hunting, guns, and guys who knows how to use them. I'd bet money she's been killing racoons a lot longer than I've known her." He said. Jazz rolled his eyes. He had been pretty damn ridiculous with the raccoon nonsense.

Jazz took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. "Thanks for calling me charming. My charm is a slow burn. I need her back at my house tonight. Not next week. Understand?"

He had a point. Andy sighed and pushed a few stray hairs out of her face. She didn’t want to tell anyone how to protect themselves, especially when her own methods might not exactly be normal.

But he admitted he was lying, and even though it was small, she felt a little bit victorious. Andy grimaced. “So you’re not actually going to do anything stupid?” Because if he wasn’t just making shit up or believed in the things he was making up, that meant he was aware, and that in itself could be better than the alternative. But that still begged the question of whether or not his date might take him seriously. She listened to him as he explained his date and the love for hunting racoons and her grimace deepened.

“Okay, whatever. Get laid, do whatever you want.” She noticed that his date was heading back towards them. Andy took a deep breath. She could flatline his chances right now, she realized. But there was a certain kind of humor in this, even if he did seem like a bit of a tool. “He just taught me so much,” she remarked, gesturing towards their shared interest. “I’ve got so much… knowledge.” The grimace morphed into a bright smile. “You’ve got yourself a lucky one. Now I know how to protect myself.” Besides, if she ever needed information, she had a way in.

"Always happy to educate, citizen." Jazz winked. He knew she understood. Everyone has been through a frustrating dry spell. Since she didn't call him out this particular dry spell was all but guaranteed to end in just a short time.

Jazz looked at his date who was beaming with happiness. He looked at the woman who had helped him seal the deal. "My name is Jazz, if you're ever in need feel free to contact the Scribe office." He said this only half genuinely. She may have helped him out but she was oh so close to sending him home alone.

“Oh, I will.” The woman seemed desperate to leave, too. Maybe he had a certain kind of charm that Andy was immune to. Or maybe she really was just as simple as he was. With a tight lipped smile, she brought her hand up to wave at him.

Hopefully he knew how to protect himself from the real dangers that Wicked’s Rest had to offer, and hopefully he knew when was the right time to pull a trigger. Not that she wanted him to at all, but the faux knowledge had her on edge. “Appreciate the knowledge, Jazz. Looking forward to picking your brain a little more later. Enjoy your night.”

It pained her to turn her back, but she could use this to her advantage one way or another.

"She was nice." Jazz's date said.

"Yeah she was. So… we headed back to my place?" Jazz asked.

"Actually, I'm on my cycle so I think I'm gonna head home…"

#para: bold lies & half truths #para: jazz #gun tw #wickedswriting

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benjikarofsky · 5 years

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The Meltdown || Para

WHO: Benji Karofsky (@benjikarofsky) and Franco Del Rio (@southsidefranco). Mentions Topher Pierce (@topherxpierce)

WHERE: Benji’s apartment

WHEN: 9th May 2019

NOTES: Not handling the combination of Benji getting drunk and getting bombarded by hateful anonymous messages, Franco has a major meltdown that a slightly-tipsy Benji has to fix. Or at least put a band-aid on... in the form of a major bombshell.

TRIGGERS: Withdrawal/recovery mentions, vague drug use mentions; ‘blink-and-you’ll-miss-it’ mentions of the following: chloroform use, (not-sexual) tying

BOLD: Benji

ITALIC: Franco

WORD COUNT: 3975

Franco had not coped well with the anon messages and it had made him get stuck in his own head. He'd already got Aaron to agree to give him weed and he was determined to get out the house once he found the key. He hunted high and low, trying not to throw anything in his way, the rage inside him making him cry his way through the hunt. When he finally found the key, he took his phone out of his pocket, placed it on the table so no one could contact him and started to unlock the door.

Benji stumbled into the room, all the noise from Franco's frantic search alerting him that his boyfriend was trying to make a break for it. He had hoped that Franc would have waited until he was a little more sober to attempt his escape, but oh well. Looks like that wasn't going to be the case. "Franc," he whispered, slowly closing the gap between them. "C'mon, Baby. Don't make us have to do this the hard way... I know you're upset. Let's just talk."

Franco turned to look at Benji, “I can’t do this Benji” he half shouted out, “I can’t do it. People hate me. People think I’m a disgrace. Those words... they were saying those words”. His breathing was ragged, his frantic search and emotions making it hard for him, “I’m sorry” and he turned back to the door, fumbling with the key as his hands shook.

"Franco, I know you're upset, Baby... But we can't fix it until you calm down a little. Running off and doing HaShem-knows-what... That's not the way to do this, okay? Let's talk about the mean people... let's talk about the words... we can do all of that and more. But we need to do it from the couch."

At this point, he was close enough to lunge forward and wrap his arms around Franco's waist. "Gotcha," he whispered, slowly kneeling down to the floor, pulling Franco down with him.

Franco dropped to the floor with Benji but brought his hands up in fists, his anger making them shake as he felt Benji hold him, "You don't need me in your life" he cried out, "I ruined your life and now I want to leave and deal with this my way so please, just fucking let me go. I don't want to hurt you please".

Benji sat down on the floor and pulled Franco into his lap, starting to rock him gently. "Franco, where is all this coming from? Why wouldn't I need you in my life? How on Earth have you ruined my life? Who put all this crazy stuff in your head?"

Franco gulped, trying to rid the lump in his throat, "Those messages. Those anons. They said I ruined your life. That I'm hurricane fuckup and that I... That if there was a ranking system, I wouldn't even be on it". He shook his head and started to push at Benji, "Please. Please let me go and get some weed or something" he said as he tried to free himself from Benji's hold.

Benji simply rocked Franco, not letting Franc's panic make him upset. "Baby, I barely even wanna humor you saying any of that stuff. You know none of that's true. Just... explain to me how you've supposedly ruined my life. C'mon. I'm listening."

Franco shook his head, "Please let me go" he half screamed again, pushing at Benji with as much force as he could given his emotions, "I can't talk this out... It makes no sense to me and I need to leave. I need to take my addict ass and let you love happily".

"You're hurting me, Franc," Benji stressed, tightening his grip on Franco's waist so he wouldn't be able to get loose even through all the pushing. "Baby, you have to calm down... I do love happily. I love you. And you're not an addict. You're recovering." He swallowed hard. "What the hell did these anons say to you to get in your head like this, Baby? You have to snap out of it."

"I don't care" he breathed out, still struggling in Benji's arms. It wasn't true, he did care but he just wanted to be let alone and pushing Benji away, that seemed like his thing. "I said that. I said I was recovering and I didn't ruin your life but they kept saying I did. It made me... I can hear them, from the casino... Telling me how pathetic I was and how no one needed me or cared about me". He continued to struggle as tears streamed down his face, "Let me go Benji. Let me go to Aaron and get the drugs, please. You can't hold me forever. I'll leave as soon as you let go".

"Casino?" Benji stopped rocking as soon as what Franco was saying finally clicked in his mind. "Oh, Baby..." he said softly, holding Franco as tightly as he could; if he thought it was going to be difficult to get out of his grip before, at this point, it was going to be near-impossible. "I do need you. I do care about you. And I'm not the only one, Baby... You have to believe me. Do you think I would've done so much to make sure you stayed well if I didn't need you?"

Franco felt suffocated by the grip but he knew Benji was trying to keep him safe, trying to keep him in the house but it didn't matter, he still struggled his urges and wants over powering his body. "No, no one wants or needs me. I'm a drug addict, a disgrace to the town. Your life was going swimmingly until I came along. Until I convinced you that fucking me would get you over Topher. I can't do this. I can't do it Benji, let me go".

"You're hurting me, Franc," Benji reminded through gritted teeth, still keeping his grip tight. "You're recovering, Franc. Stop it. Also, how are you the town disgrace? Do you realize how many insane things are happening in this town? You have to stop spouting these lies, Baby. Think about what you're saying. ...How was my life 'going swimmingly'? I had spent my entire adolescence obsessed with a guy who was never gonna love me back. " He sighed.

"Do you realize that I was gonna stay single for the rest of my life? I was convinced that because I couldn't be with him, it was a sign that I was never meant to be with anyone. Sure, the events that got us together were a little shaky and weird, but how on Earth can you pretend my life was perfect before you? ...You're not going anywhere, so it's in your best interest to calm down."

Franco shrugged his shoulders, though it would have been hard to tell from the movements he was making as he tried to free himself, "Then let me go". "Cause I'm the resident drug addict... I'm the one who thought weed was too boring and took that step up to heroin and I dragged so many people through hell because of it".

He gulped, he knew he'd been hiding the fact that Toph was gay until the day Topher came out, "He could have loved you. He could have loved you so much. He was gay after all, he just didn't tell you. I'm not pretending I'm telling you what they said". All his words were broken up with angry sobs. He gulped and shook his head, "Oh yeah and what will you do huh? Drug me again."

"You're recovering, Franc! Will you stop it?" He rolled his eyes, "We've been over this, Franc. Just because he's gay doesn't mean he ever would've loved me. It's probably better that I didn't know. It would've just tricked me into falling over him like a lost puppy for another 7 years... I know that they said that, but it doesn't make it true. You have to listen to yourself." He gritted his teeth, trying not to let Franc get to him. "You're trying to push my buttons... stop it."

"Recovering? At the first sign of trouble I'm trying to get out and get something to take the pain away and I'd be out there now if you'd just let me go" he said, half shouting the last words. "Topher is a gay man, of course he'd have fallen for you if he knew you had feelings. Why do you think I told him that night in the restaurant to tell the truth... So you could finally come clean and tell him but we were already down this rabbit hole". He nodded, "Well, you said it's in my best interests and I know what that means. You did it once before when I wouldn't calm down and if you don't let me out I'm gunna end up breaking all your shit or you."

Benji closed his eyes. "You are recovering", he said through gritted teeth, "You're getting better. It takes time. And once you get into classes, you'll learn better ways to cope. The first 2 months are the hardest and you know that," he regurgitated, struggling to keep his tone level; he couldn't remember how many times he was forced to say this mantra in the last few weeks and the more he had to say it, the harder he had to work to convince himself to believe it.

"It doesn't matter," he waved off; he could feel blood start to boil and he closed his eyes tighter--he couldn't afford to lose his temper right now. "Del Rio, you need to calm down. Right fucking now."

"So you keep saying! But recovery will take time and time is not something I think I can handle right now" he said, simply put. He was done, he didn't want this any more. He knew Benji deserved so much more then him, at least that's what his messed up brain had convinced him off. "It does matter cause that's how you fight isn't it".

He knew he would regret this in the morning if he remembered it but he was being blinded by rage and desperation, "I can't and I won't! I need to get our of this house, please let me fucking go!"

"You're recovering and you're doing it now. Every time you fall off the wagon, it makes it that much harder to get back on." He stressed. "You're not going anywhere. I don't care if I have to hold you all night, Franco."

Franco scoffed, "I don't want to recover" he screamed out, "I don't want to I want to go and get high and I don't care any more". Franco started to thrash a bit more, "You can't fucking hold me all night".

"Franco, my shoulder! You have to stop!" he screamed, hissing through the pain; he knew Franco wasn't himself when he got like this, and he knew that yelling was unlikely to get through to him, but it was worth a shot. "You're right. I can't! But if I let go and you walk out that door, you're gonna lose a hell of a lot more than just sobriety!" he screamed back, the blood pumping in his ears.

"Stop trying to hold me down then" he screamed back, stuck in his own mind, desperation coursing through him. He didn't want to hurt Benji, it was the last thing he wanted but he was spiralling. "If it means I lose you then I have to take it" he spat back, "You let go, I'll be going. I can't stop this. I can't stop myself" and he knew that was true, he was beyond even his own control a this point

"I'm not losing you, Franc!" Benji screamed. He bit his lip to fight through the pain and pulled Franco off the ground, dragging him to his bedroom by his upper body.

With all his might, he pushed Franco onto the bed, then closed and locked the door behind the two of them. "You have to calm down," Benji said firmly, leaning against the door as he tried to catch his breath. "You're so close, and I'm not letting you fuck this up..."

Franco struggled against Benji the whole time he was dragged to the bedroom. Benji was strong sure and the drug abuse had made him lose a hella lot of weight and muscle so it was possible Benji could do this.

He jumped up of the bed, pacing the floor and staring at Benji as he did, "I don't have to do anything! I don't want to be here any more Benji! I want to go and I want to do it now" and he stopped short of the wall in front of him, slamming his fist hard against it, leaving a mark in the wall.

"Do you care about being high more than you love me?" Benji snapped back, his voice loud, but not angry. "Do you?" He swallowed hard, taking the second to choose his next words carefully. "Would you really rather be numb than feel the things that you feel with me? Do you really want an early grave more than you want an apartment and a dog? ...Do you really want drugs more than you wanna keep your promise to me?"

He took a breath and stepped to the side of the door opposite the door handle, slipping the ring off his finger as he did. "Because if you do, then take this and go. But know that I will never, ever forgive you."

"I care that I can't control myself any more Benji and no amount of begging and pleading is changing what is happening in my head". He didn't want this. Didn't want Benji too leave him and it was like the words were bringing him down and he hoped enough to stop him fucking this up, "I don't have an apartment. I have a temporary accommodation and a shared trailer and we both know that dog ain't mine".

Franco watched Benji remove the ring, watched him step away from the door and took a few shaky steps towards him, "I don't want to leave" he finally admitted, "But I don't think I can stop myself either".

"Not yet we don't. But we could," Benji explained, putting the ring back on and slowly inching towards Franco. "Don't you want all that? An apartment that's ours... a dog that's ours. We could have all that one day. And more. You just have to stay clean first... If you don't wanna leave, then stay with me," he whispered, "we'll work through this just like we always do." By this point he was close enough to Franco to gently cup his face, doing it lightly enough that he could pull back if he wanted.

Franco had to admit it sounded nice. Like somehow his messed up reality could become a dream life. His eyes filled with sadness and despair, "I want that so much but I don't think I can... I don't think I'll make it that far. It's too much and I just... I can't do this" he said pulling himself away from Benji and punching out at the wall again, "I don't deserve this" he shouted at spot he kept punching

"Baby..." Benji whispered, coming up behind Franc and gently wrapping his arms around his waist. "Shhh... You have to stop it with this deserving thing." He placed a line of kisses from his boyfriend's neck to his ear and tried to rock the two of them slowly, his voice soft. "I've told you a million times. And you can do this, Baby. Because you're doing it with me."

Franco didn't want this. His whole body wanted to punch shit bit his mind was trying to unfog with Benji near him. He reached down and moved Benji's hands, reaching forward and grabbing the dresser in front of him, pulling it to the floor. He didn't know how to stop, had warned Benji he wanted to break shit. As soon as the dresser was over he went back to his spot on the wall, a hole nearly formed, "I. Can't. Do. This" he screamed, each word broken with a sob and a punch.

"Franco!" Benji yelled, grabbing him again. "Baby, baby please..." He whispered, pulling Franco away from the wall a few steps. "Please, Baby..." he kissed his neck again, not sure of another way to calm him down. "Baby, please, please, please..." He begged, accentuating every word with a kiss.

Franco could hear Benji pleading with him too stop but his head was playing tricks and he didn't quite know what to do, "Stop it" he screamed, "Stop saying please" he begged, knowing he was hurting Benji, "My head, it won't listen" and he brought his hands up too his head, "I can't take this" and he booted the bed frame, "You've got to do something... Anything" he begged.

"I don't know what you want me to do, Baby," Benji whispered, pulling Franco back from the wall and onto the bed. He sat on Franco's legs to keep him still, then pulled him into his arms to cuddle him. "You... you have to tell me how you help you, Baby. I refuse to tie you up again; I promised I wouldn't."

Franco's whole body was shaking as Benji sat on his legs. Being tied up, with his state of mind, would not solve this problem. He was already trapped in the kidnapped memories. He gulped, "I need you to knock me out" he said simply, "You're trained to do that.... It's the only way I'll stop".

Benji shook his head wildly, holding Franco tighter. "I can't do that, Baby. I can't just knock you out every time time you panic. That's not a solution." He kissed his boyfriend's neck gently. "Besides, I'd have to knock you out with chemicals again... If I hit you, it's gonna hurt."

"Then hurt me" he cried out, "It's what I deserve and it is what I need" he spoke, his voice now quiet, "I don't want to be awake. All the while I'm awake I'm going to fight you, I'm going to try and leave and I don't want to do that. What if I hurt you again?"

"Stop it," he whispered, rocking him gently. "If you hurt me again, then I'll handle it. We're gonna get through this. And we're gonna do it without punishing you. Because you don't deserve that, Baby."

Franco knew he needed to calm down. Benji had already removed the ring once and the idea of it broken his heart, "I don't want to hurt you Benji please" he begged, "Don't give me that chance".

Benji hushed him, kissing the side of his head. "As long as it gets you better, I don't care, Franc. We're not knocking you out; we're getting through this the right way."

Franco looked up at him, almost begging in his eyes as he held Benji's hand and looked at the ring, "You promised you'd never take it off" he breathed, "You can't take it off". At least now his mind was somewhere else, focussing on something else.

"And you promised me you'd stay sober or die trying..." Benji replied, more to himself than to Franco. He looked down at his boyfriend, watching him wildly inspect his hand. "I'm not gonna take it off again, Baby. I'm sorry. I know how much it means."

Franco didn't take his gaze of Benji's hand, almost like it was keeping him grounded. Like seeing the ring reminded him of the promise he had made. He bit his lip and looked up at Benji, tears still in his eyes as but no longer falling his body calm for the first time the whole evening, "Marry me?" He breathed out.

Benji blinked, taking a second to process what Franco had asked. Of course he and Franco couldn't get married right now; Benji was only 18 and barely through his freshman year of college. Plus, more importantly, the two had only been dating for two months and of those two months, Franco hadn't even spent a whole month of it sober yet. It just wasn't realistic. But, at the same time, Benji could tell by frantic way that his boyfriend obsessed over the ring on his finger that the wrong answer could push him off the deep-end for sure. All he wanted was to make sure Franco made it through these first two months and stayed sober.

"...Okay," Benji squeaked out before he could stop himself.

Franco felt his jaw physically drop open when Benji said that word. Had he really just agreed to marry him? He felt shock now course through him, making him feel like he couldn't breathe, sure he'd missed a few breathes as he tried to find words to say. He looked up at Benji, tears spilling again, from happiness he assumed and asked, "Really? You'll marry me?"

Benji looked down at Franco, the tears in his boyfriend's eyes sealing his fate. With how happy he was, there was no way Benji could back out of this. Telling the truth now would crush Franco and probably lead to him getting addicted again. If getting married kept him sober, he'd do it; the two were already living together. How much different could it be? Shakily, Benji nodded his head and pulled Franco into a kiss.

Franco couldn't believe it. Benji had literally agreed to marry him and he was flooding with emotions. He didn't think there was a chance that Benji would have said yes but now he had, he felt so many emotions. He kissed Benji back and gulped, "I don't know what to say" he breathed out, "I didn't think you would say yes"

Benji gave a shaky smile, secretly thanking YHWH above that he could play his emotions off as happiness; the last thing he wanted to do now was to dig this hole deeper by giving Franco any doubts. "I don't think there's anything to say," he whispered, pulling Franco into another kiss; if he kept kissing him, maybe he could distract Franco long enough to change the subject.

Franco took a deep breath and pushed himself backwards, so his legs were hanging down the side of the bed but his back was flat against it. He was tired, he was exhausted and he still had cravings but they were somewhat subdued in the shock of it all, "You didn't have to say yes" he breathed out, "I was calming down, I just took my chance".

"...How could I say no to you?" Benji whispered, pulling Franco into another kiss to give himself time to think of something else to say. "But you have to stay sober, okay? If... if you want me to marry you, you can't relapse."

Franco shrugged his shoulders, "Cause you are young? Cause I didn't want to push you but I love you and I promise, I'm still going to have urges but I'll try really hard to overcome them. I'll tell you how I feel and I'll really try" he said his voice breaking with emotion, "It's not like we have to get married tomorrow... It can be a long ass engagement"

"A long engagement. Okay," Benji replied, hugging Franco tightly so he couldn't see his face. He could feel his breathing start to pick up--was this what a panic attack was like? "A long engagement," he whispered, more to himself than to Franco. He could do this. As long as it kept Franco alive and sober, he could do this.

"I love you too," he whispered, finally processing the rest of what Franco said.

#para #para13 #Franco

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