#paroxetine is literally fucking amazing (for me anyway. I'm so glad I didn't let all the awful stories I read about it stop me from trying

[running-in-the-dark]

oh my god you guys!! 😭

it's October which means it's time for our local (much smaller) Oktoberfest equivalent

we went there yesterday but only for a few minutes to get me some food. it was long enough for me to be like hmm... I think I'm not scared?

this is usually one of the most terrifying situations for me, it's not exactly panic but just this constant awful feeling of dread while I'm there (which is why I never like going there)

so we went again today, again just with the intention of getting some food. we ended up staying for over an hour, we got food and sweets and I bought two scarves (I've never bought anything like that there because I couldn't talk to the vendors, or even get close enough to look at any of the things really).

we walked past the Ferris wheel and I said 'hey let's go on that now'... I am extremely scared of heights, always have been, it's one of my worst fears (and I have so many of those so that means something). I've been on a Ferris wheel maybe like 5 to 7 times and I panicked and cried every time. I had to stand in front of it, watch for 10 minutes, and really work very hard to convince myself to go on it.

and this time I just.. did it. and I was not scared. not before, during or after. not for a second. it was just 'huh okay this is pretty cool when you're not sobbing actually'.

I can't believe this is real? I can't believe I'm capable of just doing shit now?? this medication is literally the best thing that has ever happened to me 😭😭😭