#partially because the bathroom lights got replaced and are way brighter and hurt my eyes so i'd have to take out like three bulbs

[nexus-nebulae]

i hate that kind of task procrastination that's bc of like 20 minor things that are In Your Way where each minor thing is easily solvable but the amount of them plus the prospect of doing the Actual Task afterward just. no

[hazinhoodies]

No Love Lost (Part 3)

Harrison x CF!Reader

A/N: this is scheduled to go up when i leave. its likely going to be the last update for a fic until i get back. also i had this in my queue already, tried to edit it to add @raspberryparker to the tags and then it just deleted so if this goes up twice thats why

Warnings: look ever part of this is going to talk about death, its a major plot point. nightmare (includes blood and character death), geographical errors

Word Count: 2.4k

Three days later, you’d been cleared by your doctor and CF team to fly. You needed oxygen with you, but you could go. Harrison shoved your carry on into the compartment above your seats while you sat down, trying to find a way to be comfortable although deeming it impossible after a few moments. Harrison handed you the tube attached to your oxygen tank.

“We’re not even moving yet” You protested. You hated how the oxygen felt. It was cold and made your nose dry and painful.

“We will soon though,” You glared at him. “Y/N you have to. I know you don’t like it but if you don’t put it on then you won’t be able to breathe at all when we get higher up”

“I hate it. And you” You reluctantly grabbed the tube from him, wrapping it around your ears and putting the nubs in your nose.

“I know you do. But your mum would kill me if I didn’t make sure you took care of yourself. I’d rather be hated than dead. Which I know won't by the time we land”

You landed in New York hours later, you didn’t hesitate to pull out the tube. Your nose hurt as you inhaled the warm, stale, plane air, it was still better than the oxygen. Harrison had booked a hotel and you’d changed out of your plane clothes and took a shower. Harrison went in after you, you found yourself staring out the window, watching the sky turn pink as the sunset.

“It’s pretty, huh?” Harrison emerged from the bathroom in sweats and a t-shirt, his hair was still damp.

You turned quickly to look at him before turning back, nodding. Harrison stepped slowly next to you, looking out the window, that was actually a door to a balcony, but it was too cold for your liking to be out on it.

“We stayed here while Tom was filming Homecoming. It was never quite this gorgeous but I’m glad you get to see it like this” 

Pulling your eyes away from the orange and pink sky, you looked at Harrison. He looked back at you, a smile pulled at his lips. It was small and sweet and one you’d seen a billion times before. But never like this. Never in New York. Never with the sunset bathing him in warm light. 

Never with you dying. 

No, never like this.

Still, it calmed you. You didn’t even know that you were nervous or stressed before then, but it was relaxing. It always was. He always was.

“Should get to bed, yeah? Get off London time and into New York time?” Harrison spoke softly, as if not to spook you. 

“‘M not tired though” You counteracted as you looked back at the sun while it slowly turned red

“That would be jet lag” Harrison chuckled from behind you and you smiled at the cheerfulness of it all. You knew he was staying positive so you could as well. You loved him, you were so thankful for him.

He stepped closer to you and wrapped his arm around your waist. Instinctively, your head fell onto his shoulder. After a second you realized what you’d done and wanted to lift your head but his rested on top of yours. Calm again. Happy.

The two of you stood like that, watching the clouds move as they started to turn blue and purple with the sky, for what felt like forever. Your head on his shoulder, his fingers rubbing circles into your waist.

“We could cross one thing off right now if you want” Harrison broke the silence. Well, others might hardly consider it silence. You could still hear the sound of the street below, cars passing by and honking at each other, people on the street who got upset at each other for who knows what reason. It was like an entirely different world down there. As if they didn’t have the same gorgeous sunset, they certainly didn’t have the same gorgeous boy. You were thankful for that. “Seems like it’d be a clear night, ideal for stargazing”

“Isn’t it cold out”

“That’s what blankets are for, love. C’mon. Get your coat on. Central Park is right there it won’t be far” His thumbs stop their movement on your skin, he instead taps you twice with his first two fingers; a silent signal paired with the vocal one to come with him.

Soon enough, you were part of the bustle on the street. You were only crossing to get to the park and making a quick stop to grab some tea but that was more than enough of the busy sidewalk for your liking. Harrison’s arm was linked with yours so you wouldn’t lose each other in the crowd. In his other arm was a bag filled with blankets while he carried his tea in one hand and yours in his other. You told him you could carry your own drink, but he insisted.

The two of you found a clearing in the park and he handed you the drinks while putting the blanket on the ground. He laid down on it and stuck his arm out, making a grabbing motion towards you when he was settled. Carefully, as to not spill the drinks (hand warmers), you sat down and handed him his tea before lying down, setting yours down carefully on the ground. You made yourself comfortable with your head on his chest. You could hear his heart beating, steady thumps.  

Harrison pulled the second blanket out, this one fuzzy and grey, and placed it over top of the two of you. You pulled it up to your chin, unknowingly pulling it off of Harrison, but he didn’t mind. You mattered more.

The next hour and a half were spent under the stars, naming constellations while waiting for the sun to finally let the rest of the stars appear.

“See that one right there?” You nodded up, in no general direction. You didn’t want to take your hands out from under the blanket so you’d nod in any direction and Harrison would point to where he thought you were looking (he was never even close though).

“That one?” Harrison pointed to one of the brighter stars, certainly not the brightest though.

“No to the left” He moved his finger to the left “Yeah that one. That’s ‘Pancakes’” Truthfully neither of you knew any constellations other than the dippers, but it was much more fun making your own.

You could feel Harrison roll his eyes. “Can’t be”

“Why not?”

“Cause it’s got stars from ‘Hot Bread’ and ‘I let you win’. It’s gotta be its own constellation, Y/N” You didn’t have to be looking at him to know that he had that same goofy grin plastered on his lips. The lopsided one that was so easy to turn into a full smile.

“Well, now it’s a constellation because I said so” Harrison's chest shook underneath your head from laughter, cut short by a small gasp. You assumed he saw the same small flash of light pass by as you did.

“Did you see it, Y/N?” 

“The shooting star? Mhm. I hope you made a wish” You look up at him and he’s still looking at the stars. You admire him. This time, in the dark, everything that you could see was washed in blue light. Harrison’s lips were certainly starting to go blue as well from the cold. He sat up partially, bringing you up with him so he could take a sip of his tea. It was really awkward. Mostly him craning his neck to be able to drink without a) disturbing you too much and b) spilling hot tea all over himself. He puts the cup back down and licks his lips, now pink again, but they pale quickly.

“I did,” He says after he swallows his sip of tea, clearly warming him up at least a little from the inside. “What about you?”

You nodded. “What was yours?”

“I can’t tell you that or it won’t come true” He rubbed your arm with the hand that was wrapped around you. There was a moment of silence as you listened to the wind blow through the trees and the crickets and any other noise that happened to sound. However, you did try to ignore the cars. Even deep in Central Park you could still hear them. You always could in New York.

“I wished my lungs would work” You day with a small laugh. “If only so that I don’t have to use an oxygen tank ever again”

“Well great now it’s not gonna come true. Look what you’ve done” Harrison joked. His laughter filled your ears, replacing the cars with melodious happiness. A sound you could never get enough of.

Harrison wouldn’t say it. Neither would you. But your wishes were the same.

You make it out alive.

The same thing Harrison had been wishing since he found out about you being on the transfer list, you didn’t know he knew, but your mother told him. She thought it’d be better if he knew. He’s known only a couple weeks shorter than you have.

The same thing that you’d been wishing since you were twelve and understood what cystic fibrosis meant for you.

You needed to get through this.

For Harrison.

For your mum.

For yourself.

You would do absolutely anything to be okay. Anything to get better.

Maybe if you got out of this okay, you’d have the courage to tell Harrison the truth. That you loved him. And you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. 

Didn’t you promise no movie plot? It’s hardly been a day and you’re already breaking that.

The conversation slowly stopped. You’d run out of names to give fake constellations and a comfortable silence fell between the two of you. Between the soft noises from the park combined with the sound of Harrison’s heart beating in his chest and his steady breathing, not to mention the warmth he provided, it wasn’t long before you felt your eyelids drooping, heavy with sleep. You were sure that you had fallen asleep at least momentarily, woken up by Harrison's voice in your ear, urging you awake. 

“Y/N. Come on, love. We should go back to the hotel. The bed will be better than the ground” Reluctantly and slowly, you stood, holding the now empty cups as Harrison rolled the blankets back up, stuffing them back in the backpack. He took the cups from you (you were too tired to bother trying to help, if he was going to take them from you, then you weren’t going to stop him) and threw them out in a trash can on the way out of the park.

Five minutes later you were back in the hotel room, entirely ready to sleep in your coat and jeans but deciding against it. Once you changed into your pyjamas, you crawled under the covers of your bed and let the warmth of them envelop you. Turning onto your side, you looked out the large window in your room (the hotel ‘room’ had two separate bedrooms in it. Both much nicer than any hotel you’d ever stayed at. Harrison gave you the bigger room). It was actually a window this time. 

You looked at the lights that were still on in some of the buildings. Each one had a person attached to it somehow. Maybe it was their office, or their bedroom. The ones that were off had people too. They’d gone home after a long day of work, returned to their family. Maybe they were fast asleep now, dreaming about places they wished they were. Each of those people has a spiderweb of friends that care about them, ones that miss them, and that they miss.

Light sleep took over finally, allowing you to rest. Harrison wasn’t so lucky.

You were gone. Harrison had watched it all happen. You’d started coughing and couldn’t stop it, then the blood had started to come out. He panicked, frozen. Anything that Harrison tried to do failed, he couldn’t move.

“I’m sorry” And you fell to the floor. The scene of his nightmare switched as soon as your head hit the tiles.

Harrison was dressed in all black, his mum by his side, also in all black. Your mum stood about ten feet away from him, crying. Someone that he didn’t recognize rubbed her back comfortingly, but it didn’t seem to do anything to help the sobs that racked her body. 

She saw him. Instantly she started walking towards Harrison, her footsteps echoed loudly in his head, despite the fact that she was walking on grass. She was yelling at him. Her words were forceful and aggressive, somewhere along the lines of ‘this is all your fault’ and ‘how could you let her die?’. 

Jolting awake, Harrison’s chest heaved. He reassured himself, it was just a nightmare. That’s all it was. Harrison got up, removing the covers from his body with no hesitation and padding his way to your room.

He thought about knocking but he was only checking if you were okay. So instead he opted to open the door slowly, making sure it was silent. He breathed a sigh of relief when you were in your bed. You turned under the covers, woken up by the footsteps to your room.. 

“You alright?” You would’ve made a joke about his lack of knocking but he seemed… off. The look of exhaustion on his face wasn’t from lack of sleep and you could tell. 

“Yeah. Sorry, should’ve knocked” He starts to close the door. But you speak up just before it was shut completely.

“Harrison” He pushed the door open another inch or so to look at you. You patted the spot next to you on the bed and moved over.

Harrison paused. The two of you hadn’t shared a bed before but it didn’t surprise him that you offered. He shut the door behind him and got into bed next to you.

You placed your arm across his stomach so you were lying on your side, head on his bicep. 

“Why are you sweaty?” You mumble but don’t move at all. Perfectly content with your position, you close your eyes, starting to fall asleep.

“Doesn’t matter. Just get to sleep” You nodded slightly and minutes later you were asleep. Snoring softly, studied breathing. It only took another minute or so before Harrison falls asleep as well.

tags:

haz:

@summernykole @hjosterfield @imagines-andshizz @thequeensardine @artemisiaarm @sincerelymlg @butithasntkilledyouyet @bitchymathematician @ixchel-9275 @honeyyhuggs @nedthegay @ohyouremymedicine @awkwardfangirl2014 @parkerpeterholland @screeching-student-unknown

@osterfieldholland01 @happymagicbee @headsup-itsmostlypeter @starlightfound @spideyyypeter @empressdreams @isabellyduh

nll:

@staringmoony @loverholland @raspberryparker

pals:

@wazzupmrstark @parkerpuffwrites @parrkerspeters

[hazinhoodies]

No Love Lost (Part 3)

Harrison x CF!Reader

A/N: This is scheduled to post when i’m getting on a bus to leave for seven weeks. i’ll have wifi occasionally but not all the time so i’ll answer dms and asks when i get a chance to but this will be the last update to a fic until i get back. i’ll see you all august seventeenth. 

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: look every part of this is gonna talk about death, its a major plot point, nightmare (includes blood & character death),  geographical errors,

Three days later, you’d been cleared by your doctor and CF team to fly. You needed oxygen with you, but you could go. Harrison shoved your carry on into the compartment above your seats while you sat down, trying to find a way to be comfortable although deeming it impossible after a few moments. Harrison handed you the tube attached to your oxygen tank.

“We’re not even moving yet” You protested. You hated how the oxygen felt. It was cold and made your nose dry and painful.

“We will soon though,” You glared at him. “Y/N you have to. I know you don’t like it but if you don’t put it on then you won’t be able to breathe at all when we get higher up”

“I hate it. And you” You reluctantly grabbed the tube from him, wrapping it behind your ears and placing the nubs in your nose.

“I know you do. But your mum would kill me if I didn’t make sure you took care of yourself. I’d rather be hated than dead. Which I know won't by the time we land”

You landed in New York hours later and pulled out the tube with no hesitation once the plane has touched the ground. Your nose hurt as you inhaled the warm, stale, plane air, it was still better than the oxygen, anything was really. Harrison had booked a hotel and you’d changed out of your plane clothes and took a shower. Harrison went in after you and you found yourself staring out the window, watching the sky turn pink as the sun set.

“It’s pretty, huh?” Harrison emerged from the bathroom in sweats and a t-shirt, his hair was still damp.

You turned quickly to look at him before turning back, nodding. Harrison stepped slowly next to you, looking out the window, that was actually a door to a balcony, but it was too cold for your liking to be out on it.

“We stayed here while Tom was filming Homecoming. It was never quite this gorgeous but I’m glad you get to see it like this” You were glad you got to see it too.

Pulling your eyes away from the orange and pink skyline, you looked at Harrison. He looked back at you, a smile pulling at his lips. It was small and sweet and one you’d seen a billion times before. But never like this. Never in New York. Never with the sunset bathing him in warm light. 

Never with you dying. 

No, never like this.

Still, it calmed you. You didn’t even know that you were nervous or stressed before then, but it was relaxing. It always was. He always was.

“Should get to bed, yeah? Get off London time and into New York time?” Harrison spoke softly, as if not to spook you. 

“‘M not tired though” You counteracted as you looked back at the sun while it slowly turned red

“That would be jet lag” Harrison chuckled from behind you and you smiled at the cheerfulness of it all. You knew he was staying positive so you could as well. You loved him, you were so thankful for him.

He stepped closer to you and wrapped his arm around your waist. Instinctively, your head fell onto his shoulder. After a second you realized what you’d done and wanted to lift your head but his rested on top of yours. Calm again. Happy.

The two of you stood like that, watching the clouds move as they started to turn blue and purple with the sky, for what felt like forever. Your head on his shoulder, his fingers rubbing circles into your waist.

“We could cross one thing off right now if you want” Harrison broke the silence. Though you’d hardly consider it silence really.. You could still hear the sound of the street below, cars passing by and honking at each other, people on the street who got upset at others for who knows what reason. It was like an entirely different world down there. As if they didn’t have the same gorgeous sunset, they certainly didn’t have the same gorgeous boy. You were thankful for that. “Seems like it’d be a clear night, ideal for stargazing”

“Isn’t it cold out?” You let out a breathy laugh at the idea of laying outside in the cold New York air. You knew that even with a coat you’d be freezing.

“That’s what blankets are for, love. C’mon. Get your coat on. Central Park is right there it won’t be far” Harrison stopped the movement of his thumb to tap your waist twice with his first two fingers. A silent signal paired with the verbal one of him asking you to come with him.

Soon enough, you were part of the bustle on the street. You were only crossing to get to Central Park and making a quick stop to grab some tea but that was more than enough of the busy sidewalk for your liking. Harrison’s arm was linked with yours so you wouldn’t lose each other in the crowd. In his other arm was a bag filled with blankets while he carried his tea in one hand and yours in his other. You told him you could carry your own drink, but he insisted.

The two of you found a clearing in the park and he handed you the drinks while putting the blanket on the ground. He laid down on it and stuck his arm out, making a grabbing motion towards you when he was settled. Carefully, as to not spill the drinks (hand warmers), you sat down and handed him his tea before lying down, setting yours down carefully on the ground. You made yourself comfortable with your head on his chest. You could hear his heart beating, steady thumps.  

Harrison pulled the second blanket out, this one fuzzy and grey, and placed it over top of the two of you. You pulled it up to your chin, unknowingly pulling it off of Harrison, but he didn’t mind. You mattered more.

The next hour and a half were spent under the stars, naming constellations while waiting for the last bit of sun to hide away. 

“See that one right there?” You nodded up, in no general direction. You didn’t want to take your hands out from under the blanket so you’d nod in any direction and Harrison would point to where he thought you were looking (he was never even close though).

“That one?” Harrison pointed to one of the brighter stars, certainly not the brightest though.

“No, to the left” He moved his finger to the left “Yeah that one. That’s ‘Pancakes’” Truthfully neither of you knew any constellations other than the dippers, but it was much more fun making your own, most titles of which were rooted in some joke between the two of you. 

You could feel Harrison roll his eyes. “Can’t be”

“Why not?”

“Cause it’s got stars from ‘Hot Bread’ and ‘I let you win’. It’s gotta be its own constellation, Y/N”

“Well, now it’s a constellation because I said so” Harrison's chest shook underneath your head from laughter, cut short by a small gasp. You assumed he saw the same small flash of light pass by as you did.

“Did you see it, Y/N?” 

“The shooting star? Mhm. I hope you made a wish,” You look up at him and he’s still looking at the stars. You admire him. This time, in the dark, everything that you could see was washed in blue light. Harrison’s lips were certainly starting to go blue as well from the cold. He sat up partially, bringing you up with him so he could take a sip of his tea. It was really awkward. Mostly him craning his neck to be able to drink without a) disturbing you too much and b) spilling hot tea all over himself. He put the cup back down and licks his lips, now pink again, but they pale quickly.

“I did,” He says after he swallows his sip of tea, clearly warming him up at least a little from the inside. “What about you?”

You nodded. “What was yours?”

“I can’t tell you that or it won’t come true” He rubbed your arm with the hand that was wrapped around you. There was a moment of silence as you listened to the wind blow through the trees and the crickets and any other noise that happened to sound. However, you did try to ignore the cars. Even deep in Central Park, you could still hear them. You figured that you could almost anywhere in the city. Truly no escape from it.

“I wished my lungs would work,” You say with a small laugh. “If only so that I don’t have to use an oxygen tank ever again”

“Well great now it’s not gonna come true. Look what you’ve done” Harrison joked. His laughter filled your ears, replacing the cars with melodious happiness. A sound you could never get enough of.

Harrison wouldn’t say it. Neither would you. But your wishes were the same.

You make it out alive.

The same thing Harrison had been wishing for since he found out about you being on the transfer list, you didn’t know he knew, but your mother told him. She thought it’d be better if he knew. He’s known only a couple weeks shorter than you have.

The same thing that you’d been wishing since you were twelve and understood what cystic fibrosis meant for you.

You needed to get through this.

For Harrison.

For your mum.

For yourself.

You would do absolutely anything to be okay. Anything to get better. Anything to be normal.

Maybe if you got out of this okay, you’d have the courage to tell Harrison the truth. That you loved him. And you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. 

Didn’t you promise no movie plot? It’s hardly been a day. 

The conversation slowly stopped. You’d run out of names to give fake constellations and a comfortable silence fell between the two of you. Between the soft noises from the park combined with the sound of Harrison’s heart beating in his chest and his steady breathing, not to mention the warmth he provided, it wasn’t long before you felt your eyelids drooping, heavy with sleep. You were sure that you had fallen asleep at least momentarily, woken up by Harrison's voice in your ear, urging you awake. 

“Y/N. Come on, love. We should go back to the hotel. The bed will be better than the ground” Reluctantly and slowly, you stood, holding the now empty cups (which sadly provided no warmth whatsoever) as Harrison rolled the blankets back up, stuffing them back in the backpack. He took the cups from you (you were too tired to bother trying to help, if he was going to take them from you, then you weren’t going to stop him) and threw them out in a trash can on the way out of the park.

Five minutes later you were back in the hotel room, entirely ready to sleep in your coat and jeans but deciding against it. Once you changed into your pyjamas, you crawled under the covers of your bed and let the warmth of them envelop you. Turning onto your side, you looked out the large window in your room (the hotel ‘room’ had two separate bedrooms in it. Both much nicer than any hotel you’d ever stayed at. Harrison gave you the bigger room). It was actually a window this time. 

You looked at the lights that were still on in the buildings. Each one had a person attached to it somehow. Maybe it was their office or their bedroom. The ones that were off had people too. Ones who had gone home after a long day of work and returned to their family. Maybe they were fast asleep now, dreaming about places they wished they were. Each of those people has a spiderweb of friends that care about them, ones that miss them, and that they miss.

Light sleep took over finally, allowing you to rest at least a little bit. Harrison wasn’t so lucky.

You were gone. Harrison had watched it all happen. You’d started coughing and couldn’t stop it, then the blood had started to come out. He panicked, frozen. Anything that Harrison tried to do failed, he couldn’t move.

“I’m sorry,” And you fell to the floor, the scene of his nightmare switching as your head hit the tile.

Harrison was dressed in all black, his mum by his side, also in all black. Your mum stood about ten feet away from him, crying. Someone that he didn’t recognize rubbed her back comfortingly, but it didn’t seem to do anything to help the sobs that racked her body. 

She saw him. Instantly she started walking towards Harrison, her footsteps echoed loudly in his head, despite the fact that she was walking on grass. She was yelling at him. Her words were forceful and aggressive, somewhere along the lines of ‘this is all your fault’ and ‘how could you let her die?’. 

Jolting awake, Harrison’s chest heaved. He reassured himself, it was just a nightmare. That’s all it was. Harrison got up, removing the covers from his body with no hesitation and padding his way to your room.

He thought about knocking but he was only checking if you were okay. So instead he opted to open the door slowly, making sure it was silent. He breathed a sigh of relief when you were in your bed. You turned to face the door under the covers, apparently not asleep. 

“You alright?” You would’ve made a joke about his lack of knocking but he seemed… off. The look of exhaustion on his face wasn’t from lack of sleep and you could tell. 

“Yeah. Sorry, should’ve knocked” He starts to close the door. But you speak up just before it was shut completely.

“Harrison” He pushed the door open another inch or so to look at you. You patted the spot next to you on the bed and moved over.

Harrison paused. The two of you had shared a bed before but not in years. Still, it didn’t surprise him that you offered. He shut the door behind him and got into bed next to you.

You placed your arm across his stomach so you were lying on your side, head on his bicep. 

“Why are you sweaty?” You mumble but don’t move at all. Perfectly content with your position, you close your eyes, starting to fall asleep. Harrison hadn’t noticed the layer of sweat coating his body

“Doesn’t matter. Just get to sleep” You nodded slightly and minutes later you were asleep. Snoring softly, steadied breathing. It only took another minute or so before Harrison falls asleep as well. No nightmares this time.

tags:

haz:

@summernykole @hjosterfield @imagines-andshizz @thequeensardine @artemisiaarm @sincerelymlg @butithasntkilledyouyet

@bitchymathematician @ixchel-9275 @honeyyhuggs @nedthegay @ohyouremymedicine @awkwardfangirl2014 @parkerpeterholland @screeching-student-unknown @osterfieldholland01 @happymagicbee @headsup-itsmostlypeter @starlightfound @spideyyypeter @empressdreams @isabellyduh

nll:

@staringmoony @loverholland @raspberryparker

pals:

@wazzupmrstark @parkerpuffwrites @parrkerspeters @imagineloverfandomwriter