#patbw's drawings

[patbwaifs]

"what are you doing"

if i can get into your head, maybe i can understand what his headspace was!

"i'm literally a fictional video game character"

shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

------- there's a silver lining to everything yeah?

pros: mysterious and tragic backstory cons: i̵̢͎͚̘̫͇̓̒̋̚ ̵̢̪͚̻͕̀̈́̓͌͂̑͗̋w̶̧̠͔̦̘̘̅̽́̾̔̌͗̈ͅǫ̷̣̣̦̅̋̓̽͆͘̚͝u̵̫͚͍̤͂l̷̨̝̜͙͕̄̎̂͑d̴̦̓͆̌̓͒͝ ̸̼͈̙̭̖̩̦̰̿̓̽̓̕ḏ̸̠̰̹̭̭̩͕̽̂́̊̃̕̕ė̷̡̓s̷̼͚̔̐̍͊͝ṭ̶̡̧̞͈̠̞̐͒͆ŗ̵̛͕̼͔̑o̴̳̘̎̒̕͝y̴͍͕͆̅̈́͆̓̿͌͝ ̸̢̪̙͎̦̖̩̒͗͗͝ť̵̨̺̘̣̘̪̣̑̀ȟ̸͎͛͒͛͝e̴̛̖̮̘̎̈́̉̂̔͘ ̴̬̯̭̤̺̉͆̍̓͒̚ͅw̸̗͆̎̍̀ȍ̴̞̫̇r̶̼͙͂̄͜͝l̸͍̞̤͖͋͆ͅd̸͔͓͙̼̞̭͕͗̍̉̐͘͝ ̶̹̎́͊̓̍̕͠͝��͎̯ͅţ̷̬̳̙͍̯̲͍̑o̶̥̳̒̂̈́̀ ̵͉́̄g̴̨͙̱͔̻̬͑̔̿͆́̾e̶͇̔͗͛͌͑̄̈́t̸̢̖̙̦̍͛͆̆͝ ̶̧̙̘̃̒́̏͂̂̏͝ý̵̨̡͍͉͔͉̦͙́o̵̞̗̩̬̯̥̤̾̈̅̽͂̇u̸͔̞̞̓̾ ̴̤͋̆̽̎͝b̴̪̮̯̝͉̈́̃̋̍̋̓̚͝a̶̡͙̠̣̻̼͖̾̉̍̈́̓c̶̺͙̤͍͕̆̅k̸̝̠̤̎́̓̏̎͝ͅ ̶̬͈̒̈̋̽͐̚͘b̷̛͎̣̝̘̐͂̇͑̈͝u̵͚̘̦̼̝̞̝͐͊͑͋̾ẗ̵̩̯̰̝̈́̏͛̓̾̎͠ͅ ̷̞̣̜͝ì̶̭̗̜̱̬͛̄̀̅͠ͅͅ ̴̢̺̮̠̼̭̈r̷̢͉̖̤͎̪̜͝ḙ̵̍͌̉̈́̋ṕ̴̤̺͕̻̬̲͙̤͛̓̀ȅ̵͓̗̲̠͕a̷̖̹͂͆̌̔́̀̄͝t̵̨͖̜̩̖͛͗̑̈̾̈́̈̚e̶͍̬͍̻̓d̵̬̜͙̩̤̰͉͖͑l̷̢̛̤̙͓̈́̄́͋̓̀͠ͅÿ̸̧̞͙͇̤͓̘̏̓̅̈́́͘͝ ̴̞͎͎͉̦̂̆p̶̯̐͂̔̎̒̚͠l̴͚̖̘̹̮̩̼͊̒̃͌̀̚͘͝e̷̩̰̰͛̿̎̽̓̋͆d̷̡͎̙͈͚̙̰͛͆͆̉g̶͍̬̈́̓͑͆̈̿͐é̵̞͇̤̖̲̲̩͗͑̓ͅ ̴̼͇̖͌͂̔̎͛͑m̷̫͔̘͓͇̪̋́̌͘͝ͅy̷͉̌͊͆̂͊̃̃ ̷̝̞͔̓̋̈̒̿̀l̴̛̋̂̀̍̀̾̿ͅo̵̮̙̜̐̈́̓v̴͇̳͎͎̼̎́͊̓ȩ̶̞̙̲̠͎̐̚ ̵̣̰͚̼̈́͗̾̂͛͛͠à̶̛̩̝͕̦̟͎̮̅͜n̴̗̅͐͛̓̍̏d̴̡͚̲̟̦͓̾̊̈͊́͆̋͂ͅ ̵̧͚̰̲͉͎̞̈́̓̏̆l̵̺̯̤̤̭̇ọ̵̘̱̣̍̓̆͑̒̒̚y̸̨̙͈̾͂͊̐̍̐̚͜a̵̡̛͕̰̜̟̦͐͘͝l̴̹̞̫̺̄t̵̼̓̀̏y̸̛͇̜̿̾̍̏̒̕ ̴̢̛̺͙͐̕͜͝t̸̥̐̊̔̒̂̇͘͘ǫ̷̬͖̝̫͙̓̓͊̑̒͜ͅ ̵̢̧̞̺̫͇͇̹̓̒̽͂̚͝H̷̛̹̭͒K̵̛͉̱̔̒͊̾̂̚͜B̵̺͒̈

on more art related things, i have some rules established in my head for Connor's face, and now I just have to practice and adjust. repetition!!!

i do have a number of projects I need to finish before I can give some attention to this, but I really like just sketchin it up and showing everyone.

----------- I'm okay. I think I've been reaching a point in my life where I can finally think and talk and discuss about what happened to my family in 2016. only took me *checks notes* 7 years. remarkable! or rather it's like... i can process what happened now or be destroyed by it again.

For context

tw for suicide mention .

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tumblr please let us have multiple page breaks Q_Q

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augh My younger brother took his own life in September 2016. The day before my birthday. In accordance to Jewish law, the body must be buried within 24 hours of the death, but HKB in His infinite wisdom and mercy delayed the funeral via some issue with the city and my family over the body. As a result, the funeral was the day after. Not to get all religious and Jewish out of nowhere...

I miss him every day. I have a ring I wear that has his name on it in Hebrew. (It's actually kind of stuck on there. I got some hefty fingies compared to the rest of my hands, haha)

I'm a low empathy person in general. But I wish I could empathize with my brother, somehow. And I have found such an avenue through Connor, the android sent by Cyberlife for a multitude of reasons, including the ending where Connor is all alone in front of the Android Revolution.

Connor is - a mediator between me and my brother. I'm sure my brother would have related a lot to the character if he were here. maybe. but i think there's similarity between the two, haha.

[patbwaifs]

art scraps time

ahaha oh man oh boy

i think my ipad is melting

under the cut is uh what I would call the "middle school emo" of art

while working on that one connor fan art I realized (agaIN) that I'm really weak in terms of light and shadow, at least when it's not for something strictly realistic.

I keep trying to both learn how I want to handle crosshatching while also learning how to actually depict lights and darks and it's just generally better to do one thing at a time, so I did some cross hatch experimentation and then some stylized grayscale studies. I think this week needs to be all grayscale. no color for me.

To explain my perspective: when I'm approaching this "art style gauntlet", I'm thinking about it in terms of what could I draw repeatedly, efficiently, while still looking cool.

this was the first cross hatch a whatever

I think the texture is cool, but it can take a long time to do. But it also shouldn't take too long to learn how to make it into some sort of texture map (rather, i learn how to do that once instead of manually crosshatch everything forever)

It got really dark really fast but that can be fixed.

this one? barf. I made myself work on it past the point of "ugh no" to see if it was just a case of uncanny valley syndrome and

I can't decide how I want to handle hatches and curvature.

I don't commit to it, and I run into p r o b l e m s.

this was just for fun :3

when I would do a lot of inking by hand I really liked filling in details with very very fine lines. It's just wonderful.

And time consuming. I need to find a balance if I want to use this in a visual story.

So at this point, I moved on to some gray scale stuff!!

two problems: - my endurance loses in this fight - i don't have a good grasp on what this kind of stylistic anatomy and it shows up when I try to give my drawings form.

I moved on to my juri sketch because it was still a sketch, and also more anime than realistic.

It's a struggle to balance light and dark along with smooth and harsh lines, but I think here, I just need to put more time in.

There's also layer management... I need to think about what layer I'm painting on a whole lot more, because I want/need to have the pupils and eyes on separate layers from each other, which kind of means I need the eyelashes on a layer of their own.

I'll come back to these kinds of practice either tonight or tomorrow. ngl, the smoothness in her face is messing with me. and it's not even blended that well. I'm a texture, sensory-seeking fiend.

bonus

this is a pretty old sketch of one of my oc's. It was also in my downloads but I sure don't remember putting this on my computer!

It's interesting to see what's similar and what's different between this sketch and how I'm trying to draw now.

[patbwaifs]

working on a screencap redraw :)

I also got some other screenshots from the movie that I want to draw.

Lowkey Nines has the same vibes as 1995 Major.

You know, from the one scene we got with him.