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atinystaypixie · 5 months

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Ranting cuz i need to get things off my chest and feel insane n over life

I’m so damn tired. I stay home to take care of my mother n the constant backlash i get from her is astounding. Always saying i have an attitude n that my face makes her upset. I literally am passing out from exhaustion during the day cuz i can never sleep properly and I usually am jumping out my sleep to come help her and she somehow takes it as me having an attitude and being a bitch—literally called me a bitch, despite me telling her several times its just my face and i cant control it. And then the constant saying im going to Hell because im treating her so terribly. Im trying my best but when i say that she point out that trying isnt good enough and im being a bitch. And she tells me im not taking responsibility for my actions but when i tell her she isnt either cuz she never wants to hear that she talks harshly to me and my sister then its a problem. I just dont get it. I cant do more than im doing and the moment something gets dirty or messy then all hell breaks loose. Im taking care of YOU and am home by MYSELF with you pretty much all fay everyday so excuse me if i cant clean like a damn slave 24/7, take care of you, and manage my school work all in one day. She keeps saying how she never took her time to do anything when it came to me n my sis and that we are terrible kids for taking so long to do anything she ever asks. Aka with me she means if i dont come running in .2 secs of her calling me n this usually happens when im so exhausted i dont hear her. Its a damn if i do and damn if i dont thing almost cuz if i do come quick enough i look ugly and bitchy to her but if i dont come quick enough…i still look ugly and bitchy to her AND i definitely have an attitude. Idk how she expects me to smile when she literally berates and fusses at me 24/7 for even the smallest things especially things i tell her arent happening the way she says. But if I say that she always hits me with the “no you want to play me as crazy! My mind aint gone”- yall im so tired this back and forth and not even being able to apologize and trying to be civil just to be met with curses is crazy. I would see if I genuinely had an attitude but even trying to talk it out leads to no fucking where. Im already depressed and trying not to relapse into bad habits but damn what did i do to deserve this like this? Ik im not a perfect caregiver but i literally stayed home from college and opted to do online courses to help take care of her, i opted to not find a new job, i opted to actually try and be here for her n this is all im met with everyday? Im just tired

#pixie.not so sparkly

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