#please don't make the mistake of thinking mukuro is in any way suave or cool or particularly clever. he's really not. he's really really not

[simkjrs]

why does anyone think mukuro rokudo is anything remotely resembling cool

mukuro is a dumbass and the indisputable proof is right there in mukuro’s introduction arc

1. looks like a dumbass?

this is the very first picture of mukuro you get to see. some dumbass with badly parted hair and a fucking camo long-sleeve on under his fancy collared coat. how does  someone have a sense of fashion this bad and this tacky? it’s unbelievable. he’s only 15. he’s 15 and he’s dressing himself like this. someone help him 

you don’t find this out until later but he’s wearing a school uniform

he stole a school uniform, gyakuran and all, and put a non-school-compliant camo long-sleeve shirt on under it. for the aesthetic. for his really specifically ugly aesthetic. i physically can’t describe the visceral emotion this inspires in me. just look at him. would you be able to take him seriously if he tried to kill you? he could walk up to me and say “i’m going to take your life” and i’d just be like “haha yeah okay, is that what you were thinking when you were parting your hair this morning” and then i would laugh and he would skewer me in half with his pitchfork. 

2. an incredibly bad actor, unbelievably so

mukuro wants to possess tsuna or something and has the brilliant idea to waltz up to tsuna in the middle of a creepy forest by an abandoned amusement park, pretending he’s one of the poor innocent victims of that terrible criminal mukuro rokudo, while smiling and being friendly and not acting the least bit like a cowed or angry victim at all. he spends the entire time being creepy. he tells tsuna that he’s been taken advantage of by that horrible, awful mukuro, but his overwhelmingly creepy vibe completely negates any sympathy that story might have inspired in tsuna and instead prompts tsuna to think “this guy is really creepy!” and leave. 

like look at this screenshot from when mukuro is trying to “subtly” ask tsuna what he knows about mukuro:

important takeaways: 

mukuro can’t even keep up the charade for a full two minutes. he just doesn’t have the patience! he’s a terrible actor!!! 

mukuro is an impulsive, straightforwardly violent person who is only capable of posturing and rudimentary mind games as long as he doesn't get impatient with them

mukuro is a mist flame user whose ENTIRE GIG is being able to USE ILLUSIONS but he can’t even cover up his own weird eye. is it because it never occurred to him to do so? did he forget? did he know his eye would be noticeable, but he thought it would be cool so he elected to ignore common sense & subterfuge in favor of another brief intimidation tactic that doesn’t do anything to tsuna except make him think mukuro is weirder than ever?? DID HE JUST  THINK HE WOULD LOOK COOLER AS HE IS??? 

mukuro’s a DUMBASS and a DISASTER and he doesn’t know how to interact with anyone  else in any capacity at all, either as a spy, or as a friend / non-suspicious stranger, or as an enemy who could have USED THIS ENTIRE OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE TSUNA THE FUCK OUT 

mukuro: i’m going to possess the next heir to the vongola...  and destroy the mafia... NOTHING matters more to me than tearing down the ugly, sinful world in which we crawl...!!!! also mukuro: [corners heir to the vongola, alone in a forest where no one would notice them, and proceeds to do nothing except be exceedingly weird for absolutely no reason tsuna would notice or even care to comprehend] 

he’s so dumb it makes me cry 

3. important reminder

at this point in the story mukuro and his gang have been living in kokuyo park and eating garbage for like the past three weeks. he has NO right to be looking as good, self-assured, groomed, or confident as he does. AND YET HERE HE IS, shining in his full magnificent bastardly glory. something that would shame or embarrass anyone else rolls off mukuro like water rolls off of wax. he’s just absolutely immune to self-consciousness and i think that’s incredible. 

4. impractically dramatic

mukuro sets up his final confrontation with tsuna in a large, abandoned, empty room in one of the abandoned theme park buildings. that is, it’s empty except for the large, ornate throne that mukuro has set up and seated himself on so that he’s dramatically hidden in the shadows when tsuna enters the room. he had to set that all up himself. who puts that much time and effort into their presentation to their enemy, but not to actually defeating their enemy??? mukuro, that’s who.

5. laughably inept at his own professed expertise, manipulation and controlling others

tsuna enters the scene of the final confrontation, still thinking that mukuro is just that weird creepy kid he met in the woods and not... you  know.... mukuro himself.... and mukuro gives away the same in about ten seconds. he just couldn’t resist the impulse to crow about his masterful deception in tsuna’s face and revel in tsuna’s shock... at the fact... that he was mukuro all along!!

this has almost no impact on tsuna beyond “oh no, the guy is creepy AND also the guy i have to defeat.” if mukuro had put more work and buildup into the facade, but ohhh nooo, mukuro “i crave instant gratification and i want it NOW” rokudo has to have the payoff immediately. what did you even accomplish with this deception, you dumbass? you idiot. you fool 

6. the posturing

mukuro is an overeager fifteen year old who is murderous and violent but also wants to be incredibly cool. look at his face when someone asks him “what do you think people even are, you asshole?!” 

he looks so fucking pleased with himself for delivering this line, like it’s one of the slyest and cleverest things he’s ever said. he’s so proud of himself for flaunting how immoral, horrifying, and terrible he is in front of everyone’s faces. fear him... this is SO funny, especially in light of how horrible he is at manipulating others. mukuro you’re doing great

5. doesn’t fucking know what a flame is

mukuro: my incredible fighting prowess comes from this purple flame i can summon sometimes...!!! also mukuro: [has no fucking clue what the flame is, only that it makes him fight good and thats the important part, obviously]

he’s been through like, at least 2 entire mafia families, and has possibly killed more. the sheer power of mukuro’s ignorance to the existence of dying will flames is astoundingly powerful, and enough to knock out lesser men at close ranges

 6. can’t resist the impulse to give away all his cards so he can gloat over his enemies

you know the part where he pretends to shoot himself in the head but actually possesses one of tsuna’s friends? and then proceeds to give away his possession almost IMMEDIATELY by a) not changing his mannerisms in the slightest and behaving exactly like himself, b) attacking tsuna (and not even right! he misses! he was too impatient to actually wait for a good opportunity?????) c) just straight-up telling tsuna what he did

how does anyone take him seriously beyond the fact that he can fight good. he’s so dumb i cry every time i think about all the stupid shit he does. he’s a baby

7. this isn’t really evidence of mukuro being a dumbass, but i do want everyone to know, that mukuro’s persona is so aggravatingly conceited that he changed tsuna’s motivation from “i want to stop mukuro from hurting my friends” to “i  want to beat in mukuro’s entire face because he’s a fucking asshole” and i think that’s incredible

8. impractically dramatic

i already put this one down but it bears repeating because of the scene where mukuro is possessing ~6 bodies, and tsuna is knocked prone on the ground completely unmoving. tsuna has an ENTIRE conversation with reborn and mukuro doesn’t do anything except stand to the side with his 6 possessed super-fighter bodies and watch. what are you doing you fool

like i can't even comprehend what's going on in mukuro's head the only thing i can think is that he's impulsive and he LOVES entertainment so he can't help but do stupid shit like this as long as it's for the sake of more drama. if it adds drama he has to let it happen. 

this entire battle is just mukuro’s dramatics? he's spent so much time posturing and the only reason anyone is going to pay attention to the stupid shit he says is because occasionally he actually follows up on it and does terrible awful things. otherwise no one would care. mukuro needs actual friends and people who care about him, which he's going to make difficult because he physically can't stand not having control over someone else

categories of people, according to mukuro: 

enemies 

under his control

???

which means if you have a situation like this:

someone: i like you as a friend mukuro:  mukuro: mukuro: i have to possess them now

exhibit a: lancia. mukuro is so fucking bad at people it’s hilarious

9. has no sense of shame but an acute sense of embarrassment so he’ll do anything in pursuit of his goals but as soon as you remotely insinuate it doesn’t look cool he has to kill you

exhibit a: mukuro does this thing where he very dramatically stabs out his eye, and when removes his fingers somehow the eye is still there except it’s bleeding now and looks very cool. then he monologues to tsuna about his powerup for a while. tsuna... doesn’t give a single shit. the resulting dynamic looks a little bit like this:

mukuro: postures tsuna: you're a disappointment to me mukuro: mukuro, internally panicking:

mukuro is working very hard to look cool and intimidating right now! tsuna thinks he’s an idiot. out of all the things mukuro has to be stressed out about right now, i.e. being chased by deadly mafia enforcers, it really says something that it’s someone else thinking he looks stupid that makes him sweat. it’s hilarious is what it is. 

tsuna: [no longer affected by mukuro's bulshit] mukuro: s...shit... [continues to issue bullshit, except harder and more than before. also he's more stressed]

or as @micronecro so succinctly put it:

tsuna can perceive the extent of mukuro’s bullshit, which leads to some absolutely incredible moments, such as this:

mukuro: im going to kill you. im going to clown you tsuna: makes this face

i love that within 10 minutes of battle tsuna has divined mukuro’s exact nature and is no longer fazed by any of mukuro’s bullshit, and really can’t do anything except be completely fed up with it at this point. just go home mukuro. just stop while you’re still ahead. it’s okay. 

naturally it wouldn’t be mukuro if he didn’t follow his series of ill-advised decisions all the way to the very end, issuing bullshit the whole way. but  that’s  why we love him; for his endless potential and comedic entertainment

ANOTHER VERY GOOD MOMENT:

tsuna: [punches him once] mukuro:

mukuro: [feeling helpless, and thus resorting wholly to dramatics] kill me tsuna: [walking away] don't draw me into your bullshit, actually mukuro: [IMMEDIATELY SEIZES THE OPPORTUNITY TO ATTACK TSUNA] YOU FOOL, THIS WAS MY PLAN THE WHOLE TIME

mukuro is so shameless he’ll do literally anything to get the drop on his enemy but he can’t even do it well. he’s trying. he’s really bad at it. i don’t know why anyone would ever think  that mukuro is cool. 

in conclusion: i think mukuro possiby has no sense of shame, only embarrassment, so if someone pointed out the fact that this entire sequence of events is INCREDIBLY funny exclusively because of the ridiculousness of mukuro’s decisions it would go like this

tsuna: it was kind of embarrassing to witness actually mukuro: mukuro: mukuro: Die

tl;dr mukuro is a dumb baby who should not be allowed to live by himself. that concludes my ted talk. thanks for coming