#plus chronic pain has inhibited my life to a devastating degree
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2023 was the worst year of my life. not sure what's to come or where to start but i know things have to change, i have to fix things somehow
#i haven't been very active online#last june i experienced something traumatic and i'm stuck in an environment in which i cannot heal#plus chronic pain has inhibited my life to a devastating degree#so all i've done these past months is sink further and further into a sadness and emptiness and pain i can't describe#it's scary to look in the mirror at somebody entirely unrecognizable. i feel hollow and devoid of any traits#i feel i've lost everything that made me 'myself'#lost my family. lost my health. lost myself. lost all the things i cared about once#i don't think i can ever return to the person i was before. so i have no option but to start anew#i need to stop being so terribly nostalgic for the things i can never get back#i can't keep clinging onto broken shards#honestly i know deep down that holding on to the hurt has never served me. and i doubt it ever will#but i'm scared to let go. scared of what will take its place. scared of what i'll find.#i don't think i can heal here#so i'm just enduring. but it's scary how time keeps passing. i've been so dissociated and none of this feels real#i feel so hopelessly lost and trapped and behind. i'm 23 now but it feels so wrong#✩
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