#pmdawarenesschallenge

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#pmdawarenesschallenge Day 26: Strong. "Don't pick that up, it's too heavy!" my mom or grandma used to say to me, when I would try to pick up boxes or heavily loaded grocery bags. They did this to me not in my childhood, but when I was in my 20s, as if I didn't carry around 20-30lbs of film or videotape on a regular basis. That's the fun part of being an archivist: your wardrobe needs to look professional, even as you do a job with minimum lift requirements in the job description. I always found packing and moving 2in videotapes around most satisfying when I was femmed up in a pencil skirt and heels. These days, my archivist skills are limited to the digital realm. I do enjoy weightlifting though, even if it's just relatively light weight barbells. I seldom look like my femme archivist ideal self as I do it. I catch my reflection in the mirror and am reminded of Vasquez in Aliens (Dir. James Cameron, 1986). Though my mental inspiration as I do reps is a different James Cameron badass: Sarah Connor from "Terminator 2: Judgement Day" (1992). I used to dislike Connor as a character for years, thinking "T2" was a film obsessed with putting her best down relative to the T-800 (Arnold Schwarzenegger). With adulthood came the realization that Connor's moments of weakness were usually rooted in PTSD from the events of the prior film. With that realization came new respect for this messed up, but resilient woman who could single arm pump a shotgun. Strength comes in many forms, and can coexist with weakness. My stubbornness is both strength and weakness. My highly oversensitive body is capable of feats of strength. My sense of self is always my strongest attribute though, whether I look like a femme fatale, butch space marine, or whatever suits my idiom on that particular day. #pmdawarenessmonth2022 https://www.instagram.com/p/Cc1vrWOrWBE/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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#pmdawarenesschallenge Day 21: Education. Poster by @iapmdglobal. #pmdawarenessmonth2022 https://www.instagram.com/p/CcoI_vfvwci/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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#pmdawarenesschallenge Day 19: Awareness. Last year I was ambivalent to participate in #pmddawarenessmonth. Did I want to openly, publicly identity myself as having premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD)? I decided that my perspective on the condition was worth sharing. In the process of disclosing my status, I discovered that I was not alone. And not feeling alone whilst having a premenstrual disorder is a big deal. Premenstrual disorders are isolating: the battle is within, and you're at risk of hurting others and your relationships with them. Talking about premenstrual disorders forces you between a rock and a hard place, in which the rock is toxic masculinity, and the hard place is feminism. Toxic masculinity doesn't want to acknowledge that women are autonomous, complicated beings who exist for reasons that have nothing to do with catering to The Patriarchy. Menstruation is inconvenient to The Patriarchy's sexualization fantasy of the female body existing solely for its pleasure. Feminism has tried to counter the patriarchal narrative by being menstruation positive, and making natural female biological processes as a source of power and pride. Part of taking pride in menstruation is debunking myths and stereotypes about premenstrual syndrome perpetuated by The Patriarchy to demean women, and render them incompetent. When you openly talk about how your period derails your life, makes you miserable, and effects you like lycanthropy, both The Patriarchy and Feminism disapproves if you. "Don't talk about periods! That's gross!" "Don't act like a homicidal bitch around your period, you're making Women look bad by proving negative stereotypes right!" Both groups need to get over their menstrual perceptions. Toxic men need to detox their binary, male centric views of humanity. Feminists need to be truly inclusive and compassionate to all menstruating individuals. In other words, they need to embrace that reality is diverse and weird and that "there are more things in heaven and earth than are defined in [their] philosophy." [Note: it's Day 1 of my cycle, and I feel awful. Coloring my drawing sounds too laborious.] #pmdawarenessmonth2022 (at San Francisco, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CcjrudILQ47/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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#pmdawarenesschallenge Day 29 and 30: Reflection and Looking Forward. "How are you?" "Exhausted," was a conversation that I have repeatedly had lately. Between my mother visiting and the final program of the season opening at work, the past two days have been full. So, this final post is going to be a twofer. My favorite part of #pmdawarenessmonth2022 was finding new #pmdpeeps to follow, and having an excuse to draw again, which I used to do regularly, but have seldom done since college. However, life got crazy busy and stressful this month, making daily drawing difficult to impossible after a certain point, which is why I had to abandon the concept mid-month. Looking forward: I am glad this month is over, and the busy season at work will follow. I am looking forward to travel and reunion with friends and family in the next month. Beyond that, I am hoping for time and space to reestablish routines and rebuild my baseline health. But first sleep. (at Sunset District, San Francisco) https://www.instagram.com/p/CdAO7SFrtVs/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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#pmdawarenesschallenge Day 28: Hope. Coming off of 2 years of pandemic living, and a 6 week dead run of events, it's hard to feel hopeful for good changes coming, because they have been in short supply or revoked. I don't mean to be pessimistic, just temper expectations to head off disappointment. Yet, I keep getting up, and trying and striving for improvement in myself and/or the world around me. My refusal to give up is a form of hope. For all the complaining some fans do about the recent Star Trek shows, as dark as they may get, hope springs eternal. I genuinely love Star Treks Discovery, Picard, Lower Decks and Prodigy. My favorite new universe building in the live action shows is the Qowat Milat, a Romulan sect of warrior nuns whom believe in the Way of Absolute Candor: or unfiltered emotional communication, the opposite of the typical cagey Romulan communication. They champion lost causes, and before they engage a combatant in battle urge them to "choose to live." It was revealed that "choose to live" is an abbreviation of the larger phrase, "The path you are on has come to an end. Choose to live." The phrase resonates with me because whether consciously or not, we make a constant stream of choices daily: i.e. chose to get up, chose to shower, chose what we eat, chose how we respond to the world, etc. Those of us with premenstrual disorders did not chose them, but we can chose how we face them. We can chose bitterness at our lot, or trying to prevent future hurt to ourselves and others. In the face of pandemic, climate disaster, and personal adversity, chosing to live is an act of hope. #pmdawarenessmonth2022 #startrekpicard #startrekdiscovery https://www.instagram.com/p/Cc7A7flrmWO/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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#pmdawarenesschallenge Day 27: Remembrance. According to today's post from @iapmdglobal , "April 27th is #PMDRemembranceDay. This is a day where we pause to remember and honor those who have been lost to premenstrual disorders over the years." I do not personally know anyone driven to an early death by premenstrual disorders. Instead I am going to talk about an icon who has a related affliction. When I started getting into classic cinema in my early teens, I sought out the films that were heavily referenced in pop culture. Amongst other works, this hunt led to me seeing Marilyn Monroe in "The Seven Year Itch" (Dir. Billy Wilder, 1955). Glamorous, funny and undeniably charismatic: Monroe was a delight to watch. Over the years I saw more of her films, learned more about her life, and eventual tragic demise. Yet, it wasn't until I was listening to an episode of @youmustrememberthis about Monroe that I learned that she was plagued by menstrual problems, specifically endometriosis. In fact, Lois Banner's "Marilyn: The Passion and the Paradox" notes that "[Monroe] had a clause in her contract stating that she didn't have to perform if she had her period." While Gloria Steinem's biography of the actress, "Marilyn: Norma Jeane," explains, "This extreme monthly pain ... may have been the initial reason for her reliance on drugs. A reporter who gained entry to her studio dressing room in the 1950s counted fourteen different boxes of prescription pills, apparently all of them given by doctors to numb menstrual pain." Monroe's official cause of death, at the age of 36, was a barbiturates overdose. Other familial, professional and cultural factors contributed to the actress's mental and physical health issues too, but knowing that she had menstrual issues makes a lot of her personal troubles make a lot more sense. Did Monroe also have premenstrual dysphoric disorder, or premenstrual exacerbation? I have insufficient data to say either way. I felt less alone in my PMDD when I learned she also had menstrual problems though. For that reason I invoke her memory today. #pmdawarenessmonth2022 https://www.instagram.com/p/Cc4WTaGLL8N/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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#pmdawarenesschallenge Day 25: Proud. During the autumn of 2018, as I went out in the early morning darkness to get across town, in time for a 7am exercise class, my mind would wander to a scene in Lawrence of Arabia (Dir. David Lean,1962): William Potter: Ooh! It damn well 'urts! T.E. Lawrence: Certainly it hurts. Officer: What's the trick then? T.E. Lawrence: The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts. In context, Lawrence's match trick explanation is an act of personality revealing, nonchalant, showboating machismo. For me, it became a mantra of facing and working past discomfort to achieve a greater goal. Having premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) means my life is full of cyclical pain and rebuilding. Some things can go on hold, be reduced or cancelled, when symptoms strike. And some cannot. In March, I successfully, rabidly turned around a batch of press photos at work during my treacherous luteal phase. Last week, I rearranged furniture amid kicking menstrual cramps, to make way for maintenance work in my apartment. Both experiences were made harder by PMDD, but in both cases the work needed to happen, and it had to be me to do it. My tenacity to move forward amid biological sabotage is something that I take pride in. Is it easy? No. Is it uncomfortable, if not painful? Yes. Am I going to do what I set out to do anyway? You're goddamn right! #pmdawarenessmonth2022 https://www.instagram.com/p/CczJniWryHT/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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#pmdawarenesschallenge Day 24: My Younger Self. Last year, I spoke to my teenage self; this year, I have a message for 30 year-old me: the me newly diagnosed with premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). To that me, 6 nearly 7 years in the past, I would say: Get a new general practitioner. I know you like your current one, but her refusal to let you be on combination oral contraceptives with your blood pressure under control with medication is overly cautious. How do I know? Last year I got a new general practitioner who allowed me going back on combination oral contraceptives. My blood pressure is stable under medication, diet and exercise. My IUD came out, I started on Nextstellis, and my blood pressure remained in a stable, healthy range. I rapidly went from elated to pissed off: I could have been back on The Pill years ago, and been saved the traumatic pain of IUD removals and insertions. I know finding a good female GP, or any new doctor, is a crapshoot, but if you stick to ones who get hung up on blood pressure or BMI, but fail to see the big picture, or ignore your PMDD, you're just going to cause yourself more (literal) pain. If I could do it again, with you knowing what I know now, I would try harder to get back on The Pill instead of swapping IUDs in 2017. Don't put up with doctors who don't understand a condition that deeply impacts your life when you live in an area with wider treatment options. #pmdawarenessmonth2022 (at Oceanside Pier) https://www.instagram.com/p/CcwdcfTrZ3E/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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#pmdawarenesschallenge Day 23: Movement. Today's theme is brought to you by @iapmdglobal 's 3rd Annual Ignite Your Fight Virtual Race: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/ignite-your-fight-virtual-race-2022-1-mile-5k-10k-12-marathon-registration-271246293967 I am not participating in the virtual race. I think were I going to, I would do it on a gym treadmill, since exercising outdoors isn't my thing. Every menstruating person has heard that exercise can make pre/menstrual symptoms less severe. "Even 20mins a few times a week ... truly makes a difference," according to today's post by @iapmdglobal. And that touches on a reality of exercise and premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD): you need to bank your exercise during the parts of your cycle where you aren't inhibited by cramps, or can't work out for more than 10 minutes without feeling like you may faint. My period just ended yesterday, and it was a short, but brutal 4 days. As you can see from my step stats, movement was nil on Thursday. I woke up, vomited, and spent the rest of the day curled up in bed, extremely crampy and nauseous. Many a person female reproductive system issues has stories about cramps so bad that they would vomit, and nausea is a stock PMDD symptom, but in 24 years of menstruating this experience was a first for me. The last month and change was extremely stressful for me, personally and professionally, and it came out in my period. When you have PMDD your tolerance for a bad period is high, but this one was unprecedentedly terrible. The busy season at work is ending, and the personal stressors are being dealt with, which means I can return to building a regular exercise regime. I used to go to the gym 2-4 days a week before work and I want to get back to that. I know what works and what doesn't work for me, so now I just need the time and bandwidth to do it. #pmdawarenessmonth2022 (at San Francisco, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CctomfmvCmF/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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#pmdawarenesschallenge Day 20: Treatment. I don't remember which one of my healthcare providers used the phrase "calculus of life" first, but it's something I think about a lot. With premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) the equation to make symptoms less debilitating is complicated. It's easier to identify what contributes to a bad cycle than a less intrusive one. What I do to have less bad menstrual cycles: A daily dose of antidepressants, Taking oral contraceptives (Nextstellis), Additional doses of antidepressants during my luteal phase, Regular exercise, A healthy diet, Getting necessary rest and re-charge time. What contributes to a bad menstrual cycle: Stress, Lack of exercise, No time to re-charge. The pandemic wrecked my exercise regime and stress has been varied and constant. Giving up the fight for less heinous cycles is not an option, but achieving success is hard in the face of systemic challenges. (And I write this fully aware that I have less systemic challenges than most.) "I am tired, I am weary, I could sleep a thousand years..." - "Venus in Furs" by Lou Reed for The Velvet Underground. #pmdawarenessmonth2022 (at San Francisco, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CclSEf-pAoW/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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My #pmdawarenesschallenge post apparently violated the community standards of Facebook, I mean "Meta", because the algorithm didn't like my drawing, or language choice. I guess depicting "awareness" as Cat Ballou punching John Wayne in front of a suffragette, with text about how opposing philosophies both make talking about premenstrual disorders difficult, is potentially controversial. 🤷‍♀️ However, while it didn't post to Instagram, it did go live on Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook proper. So, I am confused what the point of this algorithm actually IS if it can be circumvented by sharing it out. https://www.instagram.com/p/CcjxekBL0WT/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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#pmdawarenesschallenge Day 18: Invite. The recommendation for today's prompt is to invite one or more healthcare professionals to "Learn more about [premenstrual disorders (PMDs)]; Attend a webinar covering the basics of PMDs; [and/or] Join the IAPMD Professional Community." I used today as a reminder to make an appointment with my gynecologist for my annual exam and to check in about how the oral contraceptives I've been on since September have been working out for me. Would you like more information about premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) or premenstrual exacerbation (PME) for your or your healthcare providers' edification? From @iapmdglobal : 'What are Premenstrual Disorders' webinar on Thurs, April 21 at 1pm EDT / 6pm BST - If you're just learning about PMDD & PME, this webinar is for you! It's also a great refresher for our veteran warriors. We are holding this webinar live two more times this month on April 30 to suit all time zones. https://iapmd.org/events/2022/2/16/pmds-explained?mc_cid=b0b3937365&mc_eid=50a97d21eb Additional resources for spreading information and awareness may be found here: https://iapmd.org/pam-resources #pmdawarenessmonth2022 #spaced https://www.instagram.com/p/Ccg-HWNLDlr/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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#pmdawarenesschallenge Day 17: Support. My fiance, my partner, my Cristian remains my largest source of support in life, including when I am dealing with premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) symptoms. He encourages me to pursue exercise and diet behaviors to improve my overall health. He is patient and kind with me amid my mood swings and irritability patches. He does everything he can to make sure I am as comfortable as I can be, when I am debilitated by symptoms. I've been with him for 17 years for a reason. In a world where cismen are often a superstitious, cowardly lot, especially where menstrual health is concerned, he doesn't scare easily. I know how lucky I am to have him as my partner. #pmdawarenessmonth2022 (at Philz Coffee) https://www.instagram.com/p/CceoN3xLsvL/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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#pmdawarenesschallenge Day 15: Humor. Breaking with my format for this series of posts because I am in the thick of my PMDD symptoms. I do not have the desire, energy or focus to draw what I had planned. Instead, I submit to you, a meme summing up a recreation of a thought process I had, as I lie, propped up in bed, swaddled in my fuzzy blanket, watching Hammer Horror movies. #pmdawarenessmonth2022 #startrekpicard (at San Francisco, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CcbI7mXvPCk/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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#pmdawarenesschallenge Day 14: Research: "Eight Easy Steps" by Alanis Morissette. "Over the past 30 years, hormone sensitivities have been studied - with a breakthrough in 2017, researchers at the National Institutes of Health ( @nihgov ) found that those with PMDD are more sensitive to changes in the sex hormones estrogen and progesterone, and they found that this might be due to a molecular mechanism in their genes." - @iapmdglobal I tend to think of research into premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) as still developing, because it is. Better understanding of genetics, hormones and female biology is ongoing. But the word "research" reminds me of the unethical and racist ways information about female biology was gained, and studies that were never done because of outright sexism and/or the excuse that shifting hormones in female (or assigned female at birth) bodies make it impossible. Hopefully current researchers can make up for the time lost due to misogyny, arrogance and superstition. #pmdawarenessmonth2022 (at San Francisco, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CcWzifqrFTl/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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#pmdawarenesschallenge Day 13: Give: "Give Me Love (Give Me Peace on Earth" by George Harrison From @iapmdglobal 's post today: "Today, we invite you to give back to your PMD community by making a donation. Our goal is to raise $15K (USD) this month to propel PMDD/PME into mainstream health; to help patients, providers, and supporters connect the dots between hormones and mental health." You can make a donation at iapmd.org/donate In honor of our founding in 2013, #GIVE13FORPMD! #pmdawarenessmonth2022 (at San Francisco, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CcUExMulwtP/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=