#pre xfiles s10

[ms31x129]

Abandoned Son

MSR/angst   Pre-Season 10, some IWTB  

Having his name officially cleared, working on a case putting his talent to work on something substantial and not squirreled away in his office den had invigorated Mulder. Scully wanted to be pleased that he’d shaved and gotten dressed properly. Standing before her was the Mulder she fell in love with and she was scared - would he want to return to the FBI? And if he did would he expect her to follow?

Somehow, someone had pulled some strings 3 years ago and Dana Scully was able to come out of hiding and re-establish herself. She’d not chosen the FBI instead she’d chosen the road not taken - going back to her roots in medicine.

Mulder had supported her 100% although he had questioned her multiple times about her choice of pediatrics. Maybe he was right she’d chosen the specialty to help other couples children when she couldn’t help her own. Still, it felt right and if she didn’t feel that spark of excitement anymore - like solving cases with Mulder - she was fairly content.

Except this case was not what she wanted to work on. Missing people and a pedophile priest wanting what? Redemption? Psychic abilities aside she wasn’t in the mood for any of this, the seedy part of life she’d left behind. At some point Scully began to wonder, was Mulder pulling away from her or was she pushing him away? Why wasn’t she enough for him? And did she have a right to feel that way?

The case spiraled into an unexpected harvesting of organs, Mulder missing, then finding her car had plummeted down a hillside. With Skinner’s help they stopped the criminals and saved one victim. Mulder wasn’t as lucky he ended up injured with a Grade 2 concussion, 4 broken ribs, near hypothermia and numerous scrapes and bruises. And there it was, Mulder in the hospital again, sleeping now and her keeping watch from the plastic chair in the waiting room across the hall drinking stale hospital coffee. Skinner had stayed, silently lending his support with his presence until she heard her mother’s voice, “Dana? How is Fox?”

That was all it took for the damn to burst, Skinner quietly leaving the room. “Oh, mom…” Margaret Scully sat and took her daughter in her arms letting her cry. Scully composes herself and after a few minutes and took the Kleenex her mother hands her. “Why mom, why does this keep happening…. I thought this was all behind us.”

“Dana? There’s more going on than just Fox being injured isn’t there?” Scully nods and starts to speak.

Mrs. Scully looks at her daughter with tenderness, but also resignation she knows what she is about to say will not be what her daughter would want to hear. It had taken a lot of forgiveness on her part to accept Dana’s decision to give William - her grandchild - away and their relationship as mother and daughter is forever changed, but healing.

“Dana when I married your father I knew the type of man he was. Perhaps I didn’t fully comprehend what being a Navy wife entailed, but I loved him. Even when he was miles away, that was his job - what he’d chose to do for a career and he was good at his job.” Mrs. Scully covered Dana’s hands with her own.

“And Dana from what you’ve told me Fox has a talent for solving crimes. I experienced his fight first to find you and then you put that thing in your neck because you trust him - and love him. Is it fair for you to expect him to sit in that house alone while you’re at work? Shouldn’t he be doing what he’s good at?”

Scully spoke so softly Mrs. Scully didn’t hear her. “What Dana?” Scully took a long shuddering breath. “If I’m not enough for him, if the life we have together … I, I have to let him go. Oh mom, I just don’t know if I can be supportive if he chooses the FBI.”

Mother and daughter were interrupted by a nurse. “Dr. Scully? Mr. Mulder is awake and asking for you.” Margaret Scully stood and took a step toward the door. “I’ll go check on Fox if you need to freshen up a bit.” A moment or two passed before Scully stood as she was passing Mulder’s room she saw her mother through the glass with a gentle look on her face speaking to Mulder as she touched his cheek.

Mulder healed physically, Scully performed the final surgery on Christian and Mulder was true to his word. They got away - just the two of them. Unfortunately the beginning of the end had already begun for them.

Two weeks in the Bahamas. Walking through the hot sands of the beach holding hands. Swimming, boating in the blue waters of the ocean. Sharing exotic fruits and icy alcoholic beverages - making love everywhere over and over. The little paper umbrellas became their signal, Scully had started twirling hers and licking her lips while sliding her hand up Mulder’s leg and whispering suggestively all the things she would like to do to him. Scully might be fanning herself of running an ice cube across her chest and Mulder would begin opening and shutting that little fan before running his tongue along her neck and tasting the salt of her sweat. He would then take her lips in a kiss more intoxicating than the drink she’d just consumed.

Back at the unremarkable house things seemed better for a while until the day she came home and Mulder was gone. He hadn’t called her or left a note. When she got up the next morning he was asleep on the couch. Scully decided not to wake him, got ready for work, she paused at the couch bent over and ran her finger-tips through Mulder’s hair. She finally leaned over to kiss his cheek before leaving for work.

As soon as the door latched Mulder’s eyes opened and he got up and headed for the shower. When Scully got home at Noon it looked like a cyclone had went through the house. File boxes everywhere, papers haphazardly refiled some strewn about. What was he looking for?  She slowly walked into the office, Mulder’s pc screen displaying the website adopted.com. She felt like she’d been punched as she sank into his chair and quickly looked at his browser history.

The states rules and regulations on adoption. Some websites about private adoption. The hours for the County Clerk’s office.

She finds him in the bedroom more File boxes littered the room. Mulder didn’t look at her, “Where is it, Scully?”

“Where’s what, Mulder? What are you looking for?” She needs him to say it - out loud would make it real.

“We don’t talk about him, Scully…why?” Mulder looks up at her, his eyes haunted.

“I, I … I just can’t Mulder. It’s too painful for me.” Scully feels the tears ready to fall.

“What about me, Scully? I had so little time…”

“Don’t do this Mulder… don’t do this to me… to us.”

Mulder stands and starts pacing, he stops in front of her. “I want my son, Scully. I want our son.” Scully’s mouth opens, but Mulder cuts her off. “I need his birth certificate to file a petition. A petition with the state to unseal the private adoption and I need to know who helped you facilitate it.”

“Mulder… it’s impossible.” Mulder finally grasps Scully by the upper arms and gives her just the tiniest of shakes. “Nothing is impossible, Scully - he should be with US - his father and his mother. I know you don’t believe in what I learned at Mount Weather… he should be with us at the end - or not. It’s not too late.”

Scully walks out of the room, a few minutes pass and she returns with the birth certificate. Wordlessly she hands it to Mulder. He looks down at it a smile gracing his face and he kisses her gently. “I’ll be back Scully with the paperwork we’ll need to fill out. The county clerk just needs proof, before anything else can proceed.”

Scully sinks to the bed, listening as Mulder’s steps echo down the stairs and across the living room. The front door opens and shuts… she is sobbing into her hands by the time she hears the car moving down the dirt driveway. She’d been so afraid of this day coming, she’d prayed it never would. Everything, everything they’d built together. Whatever peace she’d managed to achieve over her decision … it’s over now. She knows it deep in her soul.

She lays down and cries herself to sleep. She startles awake her nightmare fading and looks at the clock- 7pm. The window is open and she hears the frogs and insects starting their nightly symphony. Scully rubs her forehead, gets up and goes into the bathroom.

She finds Mulder at the kitchen table, the Birth Certificate in front of him and another form. She knows what it says. As she gets closer Mulder is holding a snapshot of William. She remembers Frohike down on the floor with the camera and William learning how to perform the baby version of a push up. It had been one of her favorite photos.

Mulder’s voice when he spoke was angry, accusatory, “Why didn’t you tell me, Scully?” The words are trapped in her throat. Mulder stands suddenly the chair tipping backward and crashing to the floor, Mulder has the paper in his hand and is waving it in front of her, she takes a step back and then another. Mulder advances on her until her back hits the wall, her palms end up resting on his chest. Usually her touch calms him, arouses him, but now it seems to inflame him.

“How could you, Scully?”

“It was the only way to be sure. The only way to make the adoption completely unbreakable, and untraceable.” She whispers her answer.

Mulder slams his hand against the wall beside her head. Anger fuels his voice and tears begin coursing down his face. “I DIDN’T abandon MY SON! GODDAMMIT, SCULLY!” Mulder slams the wall one more time, Scully cringes instinctively, before storming across the room throwing the paper back onto the kitchen table and picking up William’s picture his fingers tenderly tracing the image forever frozen in ink on paper. “You did this. You gave away our son…You gave away my son.”

Mulder collapses to the floor on his knees he looks up, Scully remembers doing the same thing after finding Mulder’s body and realizing her only hope for saving him was gone. “My son… William!… oh god… I want my son…” Scully can’t bear to listen to Mulder’s agony any longer. She walks slowly past him and the table with the document staring accusingly up at her.

Termination of Parental Rights - Granted Father - Fox William Mulder Allegation: Abandonment

Scully packs an overnight case, she should have told Mulder all the details regarding the adoption. How in order to make it airtight she had to have Mulder’s parental rights terminated legally.  Maybe she hoped to never have the conversation, maybe she harbored a little anger that Mulder wasn’t there to stop her. She hadn’t even been the one to break the news to him, like a coward she’d allowed Skinner to be the one to tell Mulder.

Will Mulder listen to her now?

Mulder is still huddled on the floor when Scully comes down the stairs. She kneels beside him and drapes her body over him, her cheek against his back and he shudders, but doesn’t protest her touch. Scully is transported to another time - another night when they were in this same position, Mulder battling induced demons of the mind while cancer was her own.

“Mulder? I need to explain. Will you let me?” Scully can feel him shaking his head no. “Okay, I’m not going to give up. I should have told you everything and I will. I just need you to give me a chance.”

“I just can’t… hear … not now, Scully.” Mulder mumbles his reply into the floor. Scully sits back on her heels, but keeps a physical connection by rubbing circles on Mulder’s back. “Okay… I think it might be for the best if I spend the night at my mom’s - Mulder… is that what you need?”

“I need William… my  son … “ Mulder breath hitches and the sobs begin anew, “Please, Scully I can’t … talk … look at you right now…”

Scully slowly stands and collects her suitcase along the way, fighting her own tears she opens the door. Her hand is still on the knob, she hates leaving him like this, Scully knows she has to try one more time. “Mulder…?” No response no acknowledgement. “Okay then…” Stepping across the threshold Scully pulls the door shut and places her palm flat on the wood “I love you, Mulder,” she whispers.

Mulder unfolds himself and rolls onto his side. The sounds of a car door shutting and tires on dirt float to him. One part of him wants to get up and run after her - stop her - this woman he’s been in love with for almost half his life.

The other part is crashing, feelings - past and present - experiences rising up all around him. He’s drowning in sadness. He’s drowning in the pain of unrealized dreams. He closes his eyes and he’s drowning in pain from all the torture at the hands of his enemies on the ship. Pain. Needles and blades. The whir of a drill, screaming until his voice was hoarse - seeing the saw blade lower until it splits his sternum - his own warm blood spraying into his mouth, nose and eyes.

Nooooo….. Nooooo…… Stop…… Scu-lly……

Mulder can no longer suppress those feelings, sounds and images assaulting him and they rise up - a tidal wave of emotions that pull him under into the darkness of his own eidetic memory….

The End….

Note: This idea came from a discussion with other fans about how long Mulder and Scully had been separated when we saw them in MS1 for the first time. What if it had been several years instead of months? I hate they were apart to start with and what exactly put them on that path something much more personal to both of them might have triggered it and this fic was born.

*Many many thanks to the awesome @cultureisdarkbeer who waded through my horrible grammar and tenses and making great suggestions . Any remaining errors found are all mine. P.S. I know she’s diligently working on the next chapters of Rooted in Friendship - I know I can’t wait!