#produceboy

[warmthintouches]

Sometimes I don't feel like we're even a real couple because we do not do any of the things couples do.

We don't spend much time together outside of work. I'm lucky for a mere 15 minutes of your time outside of work weekly. Fucking ridiculous btw

We don't go on dates

We've never been on a date

You have never stayed the night at my house

You still leave me on read sometimes

We don't tell each other much about our days when we're not at work bc we barely talk

You have only ever bought me one gift for no reason that wasn't food and I had to bring it up several times

You don't care if we take our breaks together or not

You don't wait for me after work bc I take 10 minutes longer than you

We've not met any of each others family

Your fb still says single 🚩🚩🚩

You don't ever tell me I'm pretty or beautiful without me asking you if you think so. You never just tell me I'm pretty...ever. never. Ever. Not that I'm beautiful or pretty or even cute. You don't see a selfie and tell me I'm pretty.

You never go out of your way to do anything to help me and I'll never fucking ask

I know all this and yet I like you so much that I just keep accepting it. I just keep trying to be okay with it. I haven't wanted to pressure you or rush you.

I moved for a lot of reasons, but one was definitely so that we'd have somewhere to be comfortable at, and we hang out less now.

I just feel horrible and stupid.

I feel worthless to you

[a-warm-whisper]

He comes to say bye at work bc he leaves before me if I still have stuff to do.

He starts to walk off

Me: be safe, lmk when you get home safe. Byeeeeee

Him: always *makes heart sign at me* bye babeeeeeeee

...

...

Coworker: so how's it going with ProduceBoy?

Me: I am enjoying it. I think its going well

Her: so no "I love yous" yet?

Me: oh nooo. No no no. Too scared

Her: yeah, let him say it first

Her: by that time you'll be settled down on a porch somewhere before he finally says it.

Her: how long have you guys been dating?

Me: four months now

Her: its about that timee....

Me: no. No. No. Too scared. Panic. Im going to pretend we never talked about this.

[warmthintouches]

I'm just never convinced you actually like me....

[warmthintouches]

You said

"I miss you"

first today

[warmthintouches]

Me: my new space is gonna be such a cluster of vibes. Bc I want moody/witchy nature vibes, but I also have a lot of weeb/cute stuff

Him: it'll be interesting, just like you 😘 but you're gonna make it look great

Me: im so happy. It's hard to decorate here at my dad's bc everything is so cramped and dark and I can't do what I want with my space. It'll be so nice so have a nice clean spot to work with 🫶

Me: 🥲 sorry if I'm annoying about moving

Him: its not annoying at all babe, I like seeing you finally getting excited about it 😘😊😊 you deserve it and I know you'll be so much happier there. You deserve a space to feel comfortable and happy in.

Me: eeeeeeee 🥰🥰

[warmthintouches]

Me: Can I ask you something that's a little weird and a little late to be asking this?

Him: Sure

Me: You value me right?

Him: Absolutely babe

Me: 😅😅 ...you ...you want to spend time with me? It's not like ...a burden when I ask to spend time with you? you enjoy talking to me every day? Eeeeep

Him: Your never a burden, i enjoy every moment with you in person or texting on here.. just wish we had more freedom (which hopefully should happen once we get you moved in with Dusty)

Me: It should be a lot easier once I move, which is a major plus to me moving. I just overthink (as you know i do) and I thought about how I always initiate hangouts and stuff...(usually) and got worried that I was only fun when it's convenient? 😅 eeeeeeeeeeep

Him: Im just very low maintenance.. I usually just wanna chill, watch something, play something etc.. not a huge going out person and the car hangouts are cool but its just some music a little talking and great sex lol

Me: I'm like that too, I would much rather just watch something or play something while chilling in my comfy clothes together. But! Quality time means something to me too.. 👉👈 so I know it might be lame but I like to know that spending time with me means something to you?? And when we don't do it very often I start to second guess my worth? Idk if im explaining it very well 😓

Him: I do understand, but you should never second guess your worth with me.. if it somehow fades then I will let you know because you deserve my complete honesty babe

Me: I really appreciate the honesty 🫶 it means a lot. I will also be honest about that too. I uh, I just think im trying to say that I would be comforted maybe if you tried to spend more time with me? Or suggested spending time together? I know it's lame to just hang out in the car or just go eat or something but...I'd like it? And it will be different im assuming once I move/less difficult to figure out things to do. I'm sorry im being annoying

Him: No need to apologize, i want you to express how you feel so we can work on things

Me: 🫶🏼🫶🏼 want you to be comfortable with me

Him: I am comfortable with you.. im still partially stuck in my loner routine of leave work asap, shower, eat and game/yt.. so im never trying to just leave you after work its just my mind goes straight into routine mode after lunch basically

Me: I'm glad you're comfortable with me and I know it takes some getting used to. I just like spending time with you but I don't want to be too much. So I don't like to bug you bc its out of your routine. And im simple I don't require much, just need some time wiff you. And to talk to you outside of work.

Him: Maybe we need to work on scheduling/ setting a more legit schedule to regularly hangout for a bit.. since we are both creatures of routine

Me: Maybe so? We do have the same Wednesdays off. And I just get tired of our only interactions being at work 🥺 but! We can talk about it tomorrow or something. You need to get some rest, im sorry for keeping you up with silly things.

Him: Nothing silly about this babe, but yes lets try and continue this tomorrow

Me: I appreciate you caring and taking time to talk to me about it 🫶 let's try to talk about it tomorrow if we're not too exhausted. You need sleeps

Him: Sounds good babe, get some rest as well 😘🫶🏼 sweet dreams and see you tomorrow

[warmthintouches]

What happens when we get tired? What happens when we get tired of car banging/you sneaking me in to your house while your parents are at work and I leave immediately afterwards? What happens when we just want to cuddle? What happens when we get tired of having to make plans to do something when I simply just want your presence and want to just be near you? What happens when you get tired of me constantly wanting to just sleep next to you and we can't do that? What happens then? What happens when eventually, inevitably, we get tired of how things are and we want more? Will you just let me go? When you're tired but I want some time to cuddle after work? Will you realize how much effort I require? Will you get annoyed eventually? What happens then? Will you just

Let me go?

Will you try at all? Or are you just done at that point? Is that what you're waiting on? Are you just waiting to see how long I'll last being okay with how things are? Will you just say it isn't going to work and that's final? Is that it? Will I have liked you for nothing?

I'm too scared to bring anything up. I don't wanna fight, I don't want you to say "when you agreed to this you knew our living situations would be difficult"? Bc .. I cant handle you just being gone. And yet all I want is to just ....relax with you. But im too afraid to tell you.

[warmthintouches]

Him: im sorry, im not 100% myself tonight, I keep zoning out...

Me: thats okay, we can talk about it some other time, but soon

Him: okay, thank you. We can decide something tomorrow.

Me: okay 😊 do you want me to leave you alone for the night?

Him: not at all

Me: okay, just checking

Him: ... please never leave me 🫶

Me: 🫶🥹 I won't

[warmthintouches]

Making out in the car

Him: you know what you do that I think about all the time

Me: what???

Him: you smile or giggle while we kiss and ive never experienced that before

Me: really?

Him: yeah *blushes*

Me: it just happens. If im comfortable and happy then I smile or laugh a lot, even when kissing.

Him: its beautiful

[warmthintouches]

Me: im so sick of having nightmares istg

Him: FUCKING SLEEP DOCTOR

Me: okay.. please don't yell 🥺🫣🫣

Him: didn't mean to yell, just want to get the point across...

Me: I'll call Monday and see which place accepts my insurance 👉👈 promise

Him: okay babe

*sends pic of alarm I set to call the doctors*

Me: I even set an alarm

Him: am proud of you, I just want you to get some peaceful sleep for once. And I dont know if it's normal to just fall asleep all the time like you do. Maybe they can help?

Me: it'd be nice to sleep and not be terrified awake

Him: I know, and im sorry if that came off aggressive or pushy, I just want you to sleep well

Me: I know I appreciate that, just get scared if I feel like I'm being yelled at or I made you mad

Him: im sorry it came out so aggressive

Him: 😘😘

Me: 🥲

Him: I didn't mean it as a yell, im really sorry

Me: its alright, just caught me by suprise I guess

Him: I apologize, I could have said it more softly, I just really care. When you woke up the other night crying from a nightmare, I realized how bad they actually are even tho you've complained about it since we first became friends...

Me: its okay 🫶 I appreciate you wanting me to get some help with it

Him: you're precious to me, I always want to help you with something you're struggling with

[warmthintouches]

Why did you wait until I was finally moving on from you, being with someone else, trying to date someone else...

to finally admit

That you have very strong feelings for me.

To finally admit

That you want to be more with me...

I should hate you for this.

But what do I do? Break it off with the other dude to be with you. You fucking asshole.

[warmthintouches]

I've had feelings for you for so long

[warmthintouches]

Talking about wrestling bc thats his thing

But he was attempting spicy texts right before this

Me: Oh, i figured out the wrestler man I thought was hot. You're gonna laugh.

Him: oh ok

*ignored him for a bit*

Me: lol nvm 🫣😳😚

Him: tell me

Me: nope

Him: please

Me: ...no.

Him: 😢😢

*hour passes*

Me: sorry too sleepy now

Him: 😓😓

Me: im sorry

Me: you worky tomorrow right?

Him: don't remind me

Me: if you nice to me tomorrow... I'll tell you

Him: 😑😑😑😑 hate that it's a fair trade lol

Me: it really is 😈💅

Him: go to bed butt 😘

Me: hehehehe night 😘

Him: night 😚

[warmthintouches]

You seem different about us. And have for a while, and I've been ignoring thinking about it bc I don't want to catch the big feelings for you again.

But you... sometimes you go completely out of your way to talk to me at work. Even when there are people around. You've been very flirty with me in front of people. You even touch me sometimes... sometimes very obviously. You have tripped me twice and caught me... the one time you even put your arm around my back, and there were at least two people close to us who saw the whole thing.

You also have been admitting to people that we talk outside of work and even admit we hang out sometimes.

I was standing talking to Liz, Kass, and Kristin y you walked by, and I flipped you off. Then you said to the three of them, "you better get her in check she's been fiesty ever since she went to her friends house last night" which most def implied we had been talking after work. Then we were walking to break together with Deb out to our cars and you asked if I'd listened to the song you sent me yet (I hadnt) so you INVITED ME TO YOUR CAR in the day time to listen to it. And people saw us, and Deb acted like it was no big deal. Like she knew we were at least friends.

Also, you've been caught several times by my coworkers standing very close to me. Too close. Or touching me slightly. One time, our faces were so close I blushed so hard.

Maybe you're just becoming more comfortable with me? Or you finally realized everyone knows we're friends. Or... you like me....more than I think you do.

But I don't want to think about it too hard.

[warmthintouches]

Me: don't mess wiff me when im sleepy, I get weird lol

Him: you're always weird 😉

Me: very true ☺️☺️

Him: .. and mean 😆

Me: least I don't trip people and make them almost fall 😑😑😑

Him: I caught you silly goose

Me: 😑😑 I got scared

Him: ...I wouldn't let you get hurt 🫣

Me: ...you sure about that?

Him: yes...never again.

Me: ???

Him: I hurt you twice, at least feeling wise. Never going to let that happen again. Or hurt you physically, either. That'd be horrible.

Me: wow, uh.. ty 👉👈

Him: yw ❤️😘

[warmthintouches]

I am no longer in the "I just want to fuck" phase, but thats all I seem to be attracting.