#prolly wont do it in first person pov bc its just a way for me to write what comes to me not the final draft

[snow-and-saltea]

he held me — gently. almost too gently, as if parts of me had broken and dispersed and he gathered his hands around me like encircling sand. like he was trying to remind me that i had a shape i could return back to, when the tides receded for long enough, but his arms would be that container until i could do it on my own. in that cloud of grief and the ticking clock, i could feel something in me becoming loose and undone, and it was a terrifying transformation — sublimated into another form of myself i couldn't recognize. but it was still still a form he did.

was doing dishes and then got inspired for some reason. i was thinking about kavetham for this bc they r my heart's recipient for hurt comfort. i love messing around with imagery and metaphors!!!!! the vivid image of kaveh slowly breaking down in alhaitham's arms while he is also breaking down, but as an act of transformation and being afraid about being vulnerable!!! alhaitham who knows when to hold kaveh tight as to override any overwhelming physical sensations of grief and when to hold him loosely so that he might be allowed the space to unspool his tangled threads and the vulnerability to lay down the worst of himself in the open!!

i love them a lot.... they bring me much comfort :'))