foxesandrabbits · 6 months ago
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Not only Kevin's entire future with Exy, his one purpose, was crushed alongside his hand, but also, for a moment, his life was on the line too. And he was so scared, he spoke and plead in every language he knew, in hopes anyone would help him, and how soul crashing it must’ve been to know that no one would.
He asked Jean for help, not really understanding that he was damning them both by speaking french in front of Riko because that moment was it- he was going to die. But they both had their hands tied, not having full freedom to actually act the way they wanted. And how devastating is that? Asking for help, and not receiving it. Watching the person you love the most hurt, and not being able to help them. Both their lives at stake, both unable to do something about it.
At that moment, I think, was when Kevin fully recognized that no matter how Jean felt about him (even when Kevin made him break the rules, like teaching him french), there was always going to be a wall between them in the form of a raven. How he truly learned that Jean wouldn’t go with him that night even if he asked, why he used him, because he knew Jean couldn't allow himself to do it willingly, knowing he was betraying the Moriyamas, their cuts ran too deep for that to happen.
And oh, to see Jean for the first time since Renee rescued him must’ve been so excruciating, “bottomless guilt”, how easy was to be back in the nest tending each other's wounds, and how much he didn't want that to happen ever again.
Once Kevin learned how to trust himself, how to be a little less afraid, how to convince himself that there was more to life that what he had been taught, he truly saw Jean, this person that would have done anything for him, at one point.
Kevin couldn’t rescue Jean once, but he wasn’t going to let that happen again, so he made sure to give Jean the best chance he could find so he could have the same hope the foxes had given him. Even if it was without him.
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