#ps. i shared my own experiences purely for educational purposes lol pls don’t come say sorry to me in my askbox

[suchafuckingriot]

Wilbur Soot as an abuser

cw, physical abuse, graphic descriptions of physical abuse

this analysis seeks to break down the supposed type of abuser wilbur is for the purpose of showing people what abusers can look like and why they do it the way they do. especially in this instance, where it can feel ambiguous or exaggerative to call that person an abuser when you’re in a relationship with them. WARNING: this post will be uncomfortable and sad to read. VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED.

first and foremost, go watch shelby’s stream. she said exactly what she wanted to say and she said it very well, and i’m not going to synthesize it. additionally, the only reason i feel comfortable writing this in the first place is because i’ve experienced the exact same thing, bites and all. because of that fact, some of this information might be biased towards my own experiences, but know that this essay is not about wilbur as much as it is about this one type of abuser. this is not drama or gossip like usual, it is meant to be educational and give awareness to a covert type of abuse that is often hard to recognize, a type of abuse that i know and understand. it is also meant to explain why it happens, as i’ve seen a LOT of questions about “why biting?”. remember, wilbur is just our poster boy in this instance. you could swap his name out with any other, he’s just who sparked the discussion this time. anyways,

How it Starts

remember my post from a while ago about wilbur and manic pixie dream girls? (if someone could send it to me i’d like to reblog it) there is a simple process to wilbur’s attraction to women:

find “special” girl -> rizz her up -> it fails -> spiral into self loathing bender -> (“update me on your life and now you’ve found the one, but i don’t like his eyes…”)

or

find “special” girl -> rizz her up -> it works -> oh wait she’s not special to me anymore -> she’s supposed to be special -> but she’s special i cant not like her she’s such a catch -> she loves me and i hate her -> i’m in love with the fact that she loves me -> (“you’re just so painfully punctual, i’m starting to get bored”)

and here we get to what happened with shelby.

she was his childhood crush. she is also petite, beautiful, very cutesy, giggles, is very sweet, has a distinct personal style, is SHUBBLE. to name a few things. she is a perfect dream girl for wilbur to chase.

wilbur catches her -> he loses interest -> the ego boost and additional benefits from dating shelby is so great that he values her status as his girlfriend above her as a person -> she is still a person with relationship needs -> he lashes out at her in seemingly innocent ways in attempt to satisfy both his ego and the needs of a relationship. which brings us to

Biting/“Playful” Injury

love bites are a fairly common form of affection. the important distinction to make is that they are usually gentle, and done by someone because they know it’s silly. it’s a human thing to do. a very common question i’ve seen: why did he bite her?

because when you are in a relationship with someone you resent (as shelby said) and you get the inclination to physically harm them, you know you can’t. this is obviously bad, and wilbur knows it’s bad, so he picks something that can be turned into a joke. wilbur is a known biter. this gives him a justification that shelby will take and so will everyone else that sees it happen, especially since his mom backed it up.

the bites serve to

-allow him to hurt her without feeling guilty

-affirm his ego that she’ll stay with him even if he treats her poorly

-provide a visible marker to other people that she is “his”, further affirming his ego

the bites being in her skin allowed people to see them and she’d be forced to explain that he was the one that did it, he could show them off himself if they were together, they could be passed off as a silly joke, and he got the satisfaction of hurting her under a “safe” pretense. especially because he set up a safeword, he got to justify in his head that he was not a bad guy or abusive for doing this. the bites are a mark of possession, like a brand. it’s gratifying that he’s the only person that gets to do this to her.

there is also something… attractive? romantic? about how much someone will endure for you. this type of abuser loves to stress test how much you’ll take from them before breaking. they feel validated that you’re willing to do that for them, so even if he had to stop doing it on her arms and move to her legs instead, it was still gratifying that she would take it.

one question i saw a lot: is it a sex thing? not necessarily. it could be, but in this case and in my own experience i don’t think it is. i don’t think it sexually gratifies them, just fuels their ego.

i would also like to add, biting is not the only way this can happen. here are a few more examples of covert physical abuse, from my own experiences because that’s the best way to word them:

my ex would “crack my knuckles”, meaning bend my fingers a dangerous amount until they forcefully popped, framed as an inside joke

"playfully" shove me, making sure to do it hard enough that i was knocked into a wall and would hit my head

pinch bruises into my ribs so they would hurt when i laughed

back to shelby/wilbur, her story of him pinning her down and asking her to try to push him off, then gloating when she couldn’t

i just think it’s worth noting: shelby wanting to be a bunny on origins smp, then wilbur modifying her lore saying she was a bunny until he killed her because he was lonely and wanted another ghost around. that shit was not normal

i would also like to add, often the person being hurt in this scenario does express that they are being hurt, that they do not like it, and that they don’t want it to keep happening. the abuser will dismiss it because the ways they harm you are “a joke”, or they may set up a safe word or fake apology or negotiation in attempt to placate you. or they will guilt trip you. know that almost never are any remedies they try to provide you genuine. you will not fix your relationship. they do not care about you, they care that you satisfy their ego. they want to harm you, and they will not stop.

if you suspect you may be in this situation, get out of it. nobody deserves to be hurt by their own partner or be made to feel resented by their own partner. research all of the different types of abuse, and figure out the best solution for your situation. like shelby said, she was the one that broke up with him, which is the case for a lot of these scenarios. i pulled the trigger in my own relationship. it might be scary, or not feel right, but if you can come to the conclusion that your situation isn’t right, you can leave it too.

wishing everyone happiness, health, and healing,

-riot

(p.s. in the tags)