#queue kan ikke drepe meg

[the-girl-in-the-box]

Yo, I actually? Don’t hate to break it to you, but if you believe Loki and Sylvie are the same person, you’re eating TVA propaganda UP. “But Sarah!” you may say. “Even Mobius was highly disturbed by the relationship between Loki and Sylvie! He thinks it’s twisted for them to be together because they’re the same person!”

Yeah, he does! Before he realises the TVA has been lying to him. The minute he knows, he lets Loki go and asks if he really cares for Sylvie, because he believes whatever connection they have could bring down the TVA! As soon as Mobius joins their side, he’s supportive of them, and is willing to do whatever it takes to help Loki save Sylvie. Unfortunately, he gets pruned before he can do so, but come on.

The TVA makes each and every variant out to be the same person, so that with each variant that branches off, there’s no guilt for pruning them. “Another one will take this one’s place- the right one.” But you can’t tell me Tom’s Loki and the crocodile Loki share DNA. You can’t.

As such, it is PERFECTLY ostensible and probable that Sylvie has different DNA as well. I would bank on it, in fact. This means that Loki and Sylvie, in a romantic relationship, neither engage in inc/st or in selfcest. They are different people entirely, as per the cast and creatives!

Seriously, listen to them talk about Sylvie. She may be “a Loki”, but she is not Loki. She is Sylvie. She is brilliant, and beautiful, and powerful, and the type of perfect mirror of Loki which makes her perfect for Loki, just as he is the same for her!

TL;DR- Sylvie and Loki are different people, it’s TVA kool aid that says they are, and nothing about their relationship is inc/st or selfcest. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

(As a final note- selfcest is literally impossible. I cannot sleep with myself, nor can you. Therefore, there is no real moral dilemma presented here even if this WERE selfcest. It would be very wacky and sci-fi on screen, but it would be nothing that could then be normalised in real life, because you cannot actually sleep with yourself. If you don’t like Sylki, there is no reason to have to defend that dislike or put others down for not shipping it. It can just not be your thing. But attacking Sylkis and the cast and creatives is very immature behaviour, and not cool at all. The block button is there for a reason, and we are ALL responsible for our own Internet experiences. If you don’t want to see Sylki on your dash, block the tag! It is that simple, my friends. Cultivate the dash you want to see, and be responsible internet users.)

Sarah out! Peace ✌🏻

[the-girl-in-the-box]

Can You Imagine? XII

A/N: So I'm... not *entirely* satisfied with this chapter, at least the back half of it, but I didn't quite know what else to do with it without rushing it XD Anyway, here it is, and I think the next chapter will be a lot better! Already have plans for it, and I think now that I'm back in the swing of things with this one it'll be better going forward xD Skål!

Summary: Freydis was dead. At least, when she’d lost consciousness, she’d been sure she was. But now she has woken up in a cold, sterile environment, one she is certain is not Valhalla, and the world as she once knew it has changed. People now have strange abilities, some of them, and people they call ‘scientists’ are trying to give them to her. The bigger issue, though, is the fact they have also woken the very man who killed her. Ivar the Boneless lives again as well, in the same way Freydis does, and if they want to survive… she may have to learn to trust him again.

Masterlist

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What I Wish I’d Known

The silence in the room felt far less awkward than Ivar had expected it to be. It was no less anxious than any other silence had been between them, as they both had much to say, and yet very little idea on how to say it. They were sitting in their living room again, side by side on the sofa, slightly angled toward each other for ease of communication. Well, if only communication could come easily.

Freydis finally decided she had had quite enough of the anxious silences, and so she took a deep breath to start talking. Someone needed to start this thing, and if it wasn’t going to be Ivar, then she figured it would have to be her. Much to her surprise, then, the moment Ivar realized she was going to speak, he cut her off.

“Freydis,” he began. When she began to try again, he shook his head, reaching over to put a hand on hers, and lifting his head to look her in the eye. “Please, let me speak.” She nodded, swallowing. “Before this past month, I believed we would have all the time in the world to come back together, to say what needed to be said, but then…” He paused, taking in a deep breath. “I truly believed I had lost you, Freydis. And when you woke, I realized the Gods were giving us a third chance, giving me a third chance to do this right for you. I don’t want to mess this up again and lose you for good.

“I should not have handled… anything, with you, the way I did. You did not deserve for me to treat you suspiciously, or coldly, or to blame you for anything that happened. You are right, I did not know you. Not your favorite things, and certainly not your heart. And for all of that, Freydis, I am sorry. I did not love you how I should have, and if you would give me the chance now… I would like to love you how you deserve.”

Freydis couldn’t help but smile at his words, at the way he spoke them and what he said. “You can,” she told him. “And I don’t mean that I am just giving you the chance, but also that I know you can love me that way. Ivar, when I was asleep, I had a vision.” Ivar watched her curiously, nodding as if to encourage her to elaborate. 

“We were in Kattegat,” she said. “And… we still had Baldur. He was your son, and mine, and… and he was healthy. Our kingdom was thriving under our rule. Baldur grew, and then… King Harald came. He took you, and he took Baldur, and my life halted. I did nothing but try to find you, until Lagertha came, with your brothers Ubbe and Björn. They ended up helping me retrieve you and Baldur from King Harald, and we all came to a truce. There was peace in Kattegat again, and they lived among us happily. Everything was good.

“But it was a dream. A beautiful dream, but still… that was all it was. That is not to say it had no meaning. The Seer was there, and it was through talking to him, and… surprisingly Lagertha, that I came to realize the meaning. Beneath the anger, beneath the betrayal, and the hurt, and the fear, I still wanted everything we could have had. That was why my dreams had taken that form. My desires laid bare of any distraction or bias I may have. And then… the message.

“I still love you, Ivar. You had time after I died, to think back on everything, time I never had, and so… I cannot say yet that I am ready to forgive you. But I do hear you. I hear you, and I want to be happy with you again. I will just need time- time to learn how to trust you again. If you can give me that, then I will do all that I can to give you my heart once more.”

Ivar nodded, and though it wasn’t as complete a resolution as he had hoped for, it was a resolution nonetheless. They both wanted their relationship to work, now, which was far better than what they’d had before. He couldn’t begin to guess, nor even imagine, what it was her powers had done, what they had shown her truly, aside from the things she’d told him already. But, whatever it was, it was bringing her back to him, breaking the walls built between them down, the very walls that for him had been demolished in Kiev.

But, just as she had said, she’d not had any experience which would have brought down those walls, not until she was reminded by her own subconscious of what she lost in locking out any chance of being hurt again. Love meant pain. Ivar had learned that in loving Igor, who he’d had to leave to rule Rus, and in loving Katia, who had chosen to stay in Kiev. In loving Hvitserk, whose life he saved by sacrificing his own. To truly love another person, one had to be willing to risk being hurt. He had hurt Freydis, and in return, she had hurt him. But now, he knew he was open to her again, even if it meant she hurt him again, because he never wanted to love her less than she deserved. That, he would never do again.

When night came, Freydis didn’t shut him out again, instead choosing to let Ivar into her room- their room- and her bed- their bed. They were married, after all, and both had reason, truthfully, that would be valid cause for not wanting to trust the other. She had betrayed him to his brothers, he had betrayed her and killed her. And now, he laid on his back, his arm wrapped around her shoulders, her head laid against his chest. They were choosing love, even if there was not yet full trust. It would come, as they each continued to prove it could.

“I wish I had known you better then,” Ivar whispered softly, suddenly, as if speaking the words only into the night. “I think if I had, I would have been better to you. I would have loved you better, and I think we would have been okay.”

Freydis gave a small sigh, which turned into a hum, as she considered his words. “We cannot know,” she said. “Say you had known me then, known me better. Who is to say that would not have presented worse problems than what we have already faced?”

“Or it could have been easier,” he said. “I did not know all you say you did for me, but if I had not been so caught up in myself…”

“Then you may have known and killed me for it, as opposed to killing me for what you did,” she pointed out. “The past is set in stone, and should be left behind. We can learn from it, but we must always move forward, dear Ivar. Never back. We won’t find each other there.”

Ivar gave a small nod, and Freydis smiled up at him gently, something soothing to him in that expression. “I missed you,” he said. “Every day after the Siege when I killed you, I wished I still had you at my side. Even if I was constantly trying to keep you from killing me.”

Freydis giggled a little bit. “I might have been more creative than you,” she teased him, rolling up so she could look down at him. “Though, I can’t say I’d have promised to love you and weep for you once you were gone.” Ivar chuckled and shook his head, lifting a hand to brush through her hair.

“I hope you would now, though,” he said. “Weep for me. Though I hope more that I do not ever give you cause to weep.”

“I would have wept then,” she confessed. “I told your brothers I wanted to see you hung from a tree, but if I had ever truly seen that..?” Freydis swallowed, and laid her head against him once more. “I think it would have been the last thing my heart could have taken.”

“You looked at me as if you hated me, the day I killed you,” Ivar said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“I wanted to, and I tried to, but if my dream revealed anything to me, it is that I never could,” she replied.

Ivar looked down at her thoughtfully, though he found that her eyes weren’t on him, but were focused on something that, if it were there, he was unable to see. He could tell things weren’t the same just yet, not the same as when he’d held her in Kattegat, before everything had gone so wrong. But progress was being made, and he hoped they’d get there one day. Even if it was something he fought for the rest of his life, he gladly would, even if it was only their last night on Midgard that they were finally truly healed.

Things were easier between them, after that night, and though they still took yet another step back from that place, the place which had allowed Ivar to hold Freydis once more, but he knew why that was. She needed time, just as she had said. And so, he’d give it to her, however much she needed. Just to see her smiling again, to live in the same place with her where she seemed happy, in some capacity, was good. He liked to see her happy.

Professor Andersen and Dr. Schmidt were also very pleased by this change. They’d come to visit as soon as they found out Freydis was awake, and upon knocking had heard her voice calling out for them to enter. Seeing her up cooking, and Ivar hovering over her, stealing pieces of the food she was making. In fact, watching her reach up and smack the back of his head, watching him laugh at this as she rolled her eyes and tried to shoo him away… Clearly, something had changed.

“You two seem very happy this morning,” Professor Andersen commented, leaning against the wall. “Something happen?”

“We had a good conversation, last night,” Freydis replied. “About… everything. I had a vision while I was asleep, and it changed much of how I see things now. There is still a long way to go, but…” She turned to smile softly at Ivar. “We will get there.”

Ivar smiled at her, and pressed a kiss to her head. “We will,” he agreed.

“Must have been… some vision, to have produced such results overnight?” Dr. Schmidt prompted. “Do you want to tell us about it?”

Clearly, she wanted it for their research. It was a shock to hear at all that Freydis had any vision, but if they could learn what exactly she saw, then that would be all the better. Freydis, however, shared a look with Ivar. They both knew what the vision had entailed, that it really hadn’t been a vision, that it had been Freydis’s subconscious, and the desires held there, that she had seen. Perhaps that would still interest the Doctor and the Professor to know, to hear how she had done it and to study what she had done, but neither Freydis nor Ivar truly wanted to give them that information. Something about it felt private and intimate, something they could share amongst themselves. And now that they were trying to grow closer again, it somehow felt important to start having those things again.

Freydis turned that knowing smile to Dr. Schmidt then, and shook her head. “No,” she answered. “I don’t think I will.”

It was the first time she had denied them. They were stunned, and shared a look with each other as Freydis called Ivar over to help her with something, and he did so gladly. As great an idea as they’d believed they’d had, in pairing up a husband and a wife as a team to work for them, they were now beginning to see the flaws.

Marriage meant loyalty, and if they were working out their marriage, choosing each other and choosing to stay together, then they were choosing that loyalty to each other. Loyalty which, if pitted against loyalty to those they were working with… They would choose each other now. The dynamics between the four had shifted again, and not in the direction Professor Andersen and Dr. Schmidt had wanted, or even foreseen. This could be backfiring on them.

But how could they even make an attempt at separating the two now? That would automatically create distance, but not in the desired way. Putting them together had clearly been a severe miscalculation, one they weren’t sure how to recover from.

When Dr. Schmidt and Professor Andersen had finally left, Ivar and Freydis felt relief. It was quiet, then, but Ivar was curious still about how Freydis had handled that question. No, I don’t think I will. And that little smile she had given…

They were on the same page with not wanting to share it, he could tell that just from the look they’d shared before she had declined Dr. Schmidt’s request for information. But why? Did they have the same thoughts on why that should not be shared? Or did she have some reason not to share, one that he couldn’t even begin to guess? The only way to have any idea was to ask. So, he did.

“I think I… do not want to share all things with them anymore,” she confessed. “You are my husband, not either of them. Why should I tell them all that I tell you?”

And so Ivar saw also that allegiances were shifting. It made him begin to think, and as he watched Freydis, he began to think more and more seriously about the implications of her words. There wasn’t one part of him which liked being held by these people, whose purposes and goals he couldn’t glean from what little information they’d been given. If it hadn’t been for Freydis, he may have tried to find an escape immediately. But if he could convince her to escape with him…

There was time. He wasn’t sure how she would feel about such a thing as escape, as making their way through this world together. There, locked up in that facility, there was nothing they needed to know of the outside world. If they escaped, they’d have a lot to learn quickly, but he knew he was willing to take that risk, if it meant they were free.

But in order to go anywhere, he would have to convince Freydis. He hadn’t come so far with her, gotten so close to having her again, to walk out now. If it would require him to leave or lose her, he wouldn’t do it. He’d made that call before, and he was never going to make it again.

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