#r.sissy

[containatrocity]

Bloodlines

Feat. @mustcrdgreens

Sissy and Rusty have a long overdue heart to heart. and lay the groundwork for another hard conversation.

sissy had been on her third bowl of crushed ice and hot sauce that evening, laying in bed. she'd been too nauseous for anything solid, but wanted something to spice up her ice—her mind taking it literally. she groans and sets it aside, curling onto her side for a long moment, staring at the bowl in the meanwhile. she wishes she didn't feel so alone in this, unable to find the courage to tell cyan about what was happening to her. she mostly wishes she could tell rusty, the man having been the one she was closest to, until recently. but she'd been absolutely rotten in the wake of gia's passing, unwilling to listen to him call one of the few friends she had alive anymore a dangerous person. but likewise, he'd been unwilling to listen to her just the same. she finds herself tearing up, thinking about how he surely must have changed his mind about her by now, about how he—she sits up, running to her bathroom, the contents of her stomach burning as it comes back up. then, her feet carry her to rusty's bedroom, knocking on the door. ”hey, uncle rusty?“ she'd already wiped her eyes, has a smile on her face—but it crumbles almost immediately. ”d-do you hate me?“

They've become little more than two ghosts haunting the same house, and Rusty would be lying, if he said he didn't hate every second of it. Jack had talked some sense into him- the recognition he was being a petty child, when all Sissy was looking for was something she could control in the wake of having absolutely none. But he's still not mustered the confidence to speak to her- every attempt met with the recognition that any apology might fall short, when he still didn't like the idea of her spending so much time around Cyan. It's a rare night off, settled on the bed in one of Leon's old sweaters and half-watching a movie over the top of a book he'd never finished prior to the paradox about cryptids around the world until he falls asleep the way he has for a while now- with no movie nights or board games Sissy's roped him into to hold his attention- He glances up, when she knocks at the open bedroom door, sitting the book aside when she calls his name. "Hey sweetpea-" He starts- and then her features fall, and she asks if he hates her. His heart breaks- and he's on his feet before the last word can linger too long- crossing the bedroom floor in only a few strides before he ushers her in, shutting the door behind her and waving her to the bed to sit down. "Now- now I know we ain't been seein' eye to eye but where on earth did ya get the idea I hated you, darlin'?"

she climbs into the bed beside him, sobs bubbling up. it takes her a moment to contain herself enough to speak again, rubbing at her eyes. "b-b-because, i-i-i been so rude an'--an' we been fightin' and, a-and b-because i wo-won't stop seein' cyan an' we ain't even talked to e-e-each other all n-night--." her drawl is all the heavier like this, overemotional and trying to speak between trembling inhales. she hiccups in breaths, trying to wipe at her face as she cries, not wanting to be a complete mess, her body shaking from the effort of simply talking through her sobs.

Dark brows crease, and he pulls her into him, tighter now, setting a kiss on the top of her head as he gently wipes soft brown eyes with careful hands. "Sissy, sweetheart…" He frowns a bit deeper, swaying back and forth slightly, as she cries, keeping her smaller frame tight to his own. "Honey- That doesn't mean I hate you- look, I know we've been arguin' and we don't… well we ain't ever done that, now have we? So I know it's scary. But I could never hate you. You're my little girl." He insists, smiling gently as he cups her face in his hands. "We ain't gonna get along forever- and I know we had a good run a' it, but that's just how it goes. I-" He sighs. "I know you like that boy. And I also know I been… well I been just like my dad, carin' more about what everybody else thought than th' person that matters- and that's you." He insists. "I don't hate you, lil bug." He squeezes her tightly. "And I'm sorry I made ya think I did, even fer a split second, okay?"

sissy simply lays against him, listening to his voice rumble in his chest. her breathing starts to calm as he talks, only a few tears rolling down her flushed cheeks as he holds them in his hands. there's still worry there, about how her body's grown, about how her stomach rejects food, about how she can hardly contain any sort of emotion. about how rusty might take it. she sniffles, blinking more tears down her cheeks, where they'd stuck to her lashes. "can--can you promise you won't hate me after i tell you somethin'? it's… i-i dunno if it's good. i'm--i'm real scared, uncle rusty."

She's quiet as he speaks, and he's thankful, really, as she seems to calm, setting another gentle kiss against the top of her head. "Atta girl." he sighs, rubbing her arm gently. it's short lived, the silence after her sobs, before she speaks again- asks him to promise he won't hate her, if she tells him something. "I could never hate you." he repeats. "I promise… What's eatin' at you, sweetheart?" He questions, worry on his features as he adjusts her to sit up a bit against him- wipes more tears away with the sleeve of his sweater.

her gaze drops, hands lifting to wipe her cheeks again. "i-i dunno if i can stop seein' cyan even if i went and listened to you, 'cuz i-i… i think i might be havin' his baby." her lips tremble anew, eyes shutting. she doesn't wanna see rusty angry or disappointed. "i just been eating so much, weird stuff, an' throwing up, an' i'm gainin' weight, a-and--and--th-this. i just been cryin' or angry or--" she cuts herself off, not admitting that most of the time she went to see cyan, regardless of what they'd planned to do, she'd end up horny. "i-i don't know what to do…"

If he's honest- he'd had the creeping suspicion that what she's saying had been the case. It made sense- she was sick most mornings, miserable and trapped in the bathroom until hours after she'd woke up- he'd assumed a stomach bug at first- but it had been a while, hadn't it? She'd always eaten a little oddly- but there was something perceptible about the way she snacked now- on strange combinations he'd never seen her entertain before- the way that despite the nausea, she'd put on more weight than her lifestyle would have allowed. She closes her eyes. He's quiet, for a long time- just holding her, gentle hand rubbing her back. "Well." He starts. "Have y' told him?"

her eyes peek open--confusion sits in them, that he hadn't gotten upset. she shakes her head, then hangs it. "i'm really scared. i-i don't know what he's gonna say. an' what if i'm not? what if this is just… stress?" she'd been stressed, spending almost all of her moments not in town, inside of the kitchen. but two missed periods and the rest of it, was plenty evience that she was trying to be in denial. "i don't wanna scare him."

"Honey…" He frowns, slightly. "I know you don't know what he's gonna say but stress don't make ya pick up twenty pounds in a couple a' months and so emotional ya start cryin' over a couple a bugs dead on the kitchen counter." He insists softly. "I don't think they got many tests in town…" There's a sigh, soft. "No real way t' know fer sure." But it's enough. And it's still a very real concern if she's to keep spending her time with Cyan- scare or not, the boy needs to know. Rusty knows that. He hums softly, shifts her to look at him properly. "But if you like 'im, then if this ain't what you think it is, he should still know it's somethin yer worryin' about. Because if you're gonna keep… seein him- this ain't gonna be the last time it'll be a concern fer you." He insists. "And I'd rather you know now if he ain't worth yer time than… years down th' line."

she bites at her lip, sighing. "yeah…" she knows he's right. it's both unfair to cyan to keep it a secret--and important that she knows how he'll take it, if they're going to keep being… whatever it is they are. she rubs at her eyes, giving a nod. "i'll--i'll tell 'im. i just gotta… work up my nerve." she shifts to lean back against him once more. she swallows thickly. "can--can we not fight anymore? i really miss you."

"Okay." He insists, squeezing her gently. "Yeah, sweetpea, we can stop fighting. I'm sorry we even started in th' first place." He sighs, resting his chin in her hair. "And no matter what happens- I'm gonna take care of you." he promises. "Just like I always have. Til I breathe my last. Yer the best thing I've ever had, you know." He sighs. "So no matter what, you always got a home here, okay? With yer uncle Rusty." His own eyes grow hazy, for a moment. "I just… was scared you were gonna grow up on me, you know? Decide that… you didn't need me around, anymore. Gets lonely, big house like this all by m'self. 'specially after spendin' the last 13 years with m' best friend in it."

his words start sissy's tears anew, arms wrapping tight around his chest. "i could never!" she almost sounds scandalized he'd even thought of it. "yer my best friend too, an' i'll always need you!" she rubs her face into his chest, sniveling. "but i am a grown up, y'know. i-i like bein' a little more adult. i just wish i didn't have to find out i liked it because of gia…" she frowns, squeezing close again. "y'aren't allowed to die, alright? i don't wanna lose anyone else."

He hates that it's a pressing worry for her that he might up and die. "Come on." He insists, smiling as she presses tighter. "you know I ain't goin' anywhere. yer stuck with me forever, okay?" He checks the time, shifts Sissy out of his lap and moves to stand up. "How about I read ya somethin' like I used t' when you were jus' a sprout, huh? I'll even let ya pick." If anything, he knows it'll distract her, from the way her mind's racing- from the picking open of the wound of Gia's loss, from the awareness she'll have to tell Cyan what's going on. He hopes beyond hope the boy's got the good in him to do good by his niece- Sissy likes him quite a bit- he's seen the stars in her eyes when she talks about him, after all. "And startin' tomorrow, I'll do my best t' remember yer a grown up. an' that means that you ain't… gonna want t' spend the rest a your life playin' Sorry and watchin' disney movies with yer borin' old uncle."

"okay." calmer, she stands too, to grab a tissue from lee's nightstand. "we can spend some of my life playin' sorry and watchin' disney movies, at least. i still love to do those things." the idea of being read to is compelling, and it sees her stalking off to find a book. she returns with one that she hadn't had when he'd known her as a child, far too young to enjoy even the shortest chapter book. a magic treehouse book about the california earthquake is delivered to his hands. "this was my favorite series when i was a kid," she says, "it ain't one from when i was little, but it's good anyways, and you'd probably like it."

"Well- we'll read it anyway." He'd missed enough of her growing up- had come home barely a man himself to raise a preteen. He takes a little time, to turn off lights save for the one on his nightstand and further draw blinds before he settles back in bed under the blankets- opening his arm to Sissy to settle close. He straightens blankets around her as well, curls her close with a soft smile. "Comfy?" he questions, opening the book and setting to reading. She was growing up- and Rusty knew no amount of stubbornly digging his feet in would change that. She'd spent longer than she needed to, clinging to an innocence he insisted she deserved- he could let her grow up- no matter how much it scared him.- but that could be tomorrow. Tonight, it was just the two of them against the world still- tonight she was still just his little girl and they'd made it this far- that was worth something.

sissy waits for rusty to settle in, before she does just the same, curling up beside him, with legs draping over his lap. she relaxes against him, an arm wrapping around his chest. "mhm." she hadn't spent time in his and lee's bed in a long time, her fits and night terrors from the accident and the start of the paradox long gone, able to sleep in her own just fine. there was something lonely about it just being them, with no man laying beside rusty, playing with her foot to distract her from her fears. but--as she looks up to him, the ache dissipates. she feels silly for thinking he hated her. she knows rusty couldn't hate her, and likewise she could never hate him. they were two peas in a pod. at the end of the day, he really was her best friend. she didn't want this to end for anything. she hardly notices, as he reads, that she's dozing off, cozy and warm and relieved.

He waits, until her breathing slows, soft and warm against his chest through the threads of a sweater his late husband had favored. A lot's changed- and he realizes, maybe, he's selfish for having hoped she'd stay the same forever. He closes the book- shifts to turn off the light beside the bed- careful, slow, as not to disturb her, fast asleep, tears drying on her cheeks. He settles himself, sighs softly as he kisses the top of her head. "Love you, lil bug…" he murmurs. "That boy best do good by you…" He doesn't want to see her hurting again- her screams rattle him in his sleep even still, in the aftermath of Gia and her parents- stir him bolt upright. But she sleeps peacefully now, and he knows he should follow her lead- He has work, tomorrow- and Sissy's bound to have a lot on her mind when she wakes up. He tunes out the tapping on the window, and shadows cast on second-floor curtains- as he always does- and slips away just the same.

[containatrocity]

Write my your last words (sissy > rusty)

It's an old envelope with her name on it. He'd told her never to open it- until, perhaps, he couldn't say the words himself because he was gone.

Hi, sweetpea.

I guess if you're reading this, then either you disobeyed me when I told you that it wasn't for you to open until I was dead... or I'm dead. I want to say I'm sorry, first and foremost. I... probably wasn't the best parent you could have had, Chester was always better at all this. Lee was always better at all of this. But both of them are gone, and things aren't looking like they're getting better around here- so I want... a contingency plan, I guess, just in case I'm gone next. I love you. you're... seventeen, now, when I'm writing this, and after seven years together I think we've both done a lot of growing. When I was your age, I ran away from home. I told your dad I never wanted to see him again, and I stuck to that- I shouldn't have. If I've done my job right, all these years, then I hope you know that people make choices that hurt, sometimes, but the ones who love us will keep trying- don't cling to an anger at somebody else to justify an upset with a completely different person. It'll rot at you, and I know, underneath the way you hurt too, you deserve to be happy.

Don't miss me too bad- you'll grow into- or hell, maybe by the time you read this already are- a damn good woman, you're kind, you're brilliant, and I know sometimes people see the first and assume the second isn't true. But you're destined for great shit, more than I ever was, and by god, I hope you're not reading this because I wanna see you be the etymologist or artist you always wanted to be. But if I'm gone before my time, then I'm fucking proud of you, and I always have been- you're all the best parts of your mama and your daddy in one person, and I'm damn lucky I had the opportunity to raise you for my own. I love you, I love you, I love you. Look after the house. Be good. Hug your friends just a little tighter for me, once in a while, make it a hug from me. Fall in love, with somebody, anybody. I know it's scary- but you deserve it more than anybody I've ever met.

I know you believe in something better than us. a power higher, a place of rest in the clouds. I did, too, you know. But I don't. Anymore. Instead, bury me in my blues, with no box to speak of, and when the honeysuckle springs up in the summer, when the mushrooms dot the forest and when your butterflies and beetles, Moths and morels make themselves known again, look for a few that linger too long. Listen for a Whip-poor-will that's a little off key but doing his best to bring breakfast home. Know I went back to what made us the happiest, when I was a kid too. Camping trips in the backyard, where I told you I knew everything because I was seventeen, just like you.

I didn't know a damned thing, you know? But you taught me some of the things that are the most important to me now. Keep learning. I'll see you through the eyes of the forest I gave my life looking after.

For now, not forever- Uncle Rusty.