#recently i think. i really can't deny that she'd been a rather draining friend
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#🌙.vents#i'll be alright in a bit i shld use my spam account for these things but i'm#nervous to head there i think i mostly used that account when i was in one of the worst points of my life last month so yeah#i feel used#which sucks i hate feeling this way bcs#one irl rn n. she's one of my longest friends she's like a little sister to me after all these years n i do care for her but#recently i think. i really can't deny that she'd been a rather draining friend#for quite a while now. for around a year now actually i think#she.. idk i really don't expect anything from others n ppl have their own ways of showing love#i know that very well but i think this esp is damaging me bcs i can't feel that it's reciprocated at all#comforting her when she was down. helping her w stuff. listening to her n#i do know why she isn't as good at giving to others. i know how she's like w her family ik the pain she went through w her other friends in#middle school. i know how dependent she can be on others. as always the youngest she's usually the one following others#i want the best for her. i know to be patient n all bcs we all grow at our own pace. but it hurts#when i know she's. very likely hiding a lot of pain. she usually smiles she's usually bubbly but#:^) n then she disappears here n then n ngl is a ghoster n i wonder if it's just bcs she found new friends or wtvr reason#i feel.. used. we've been friends for nearly 7 years. but recently she only comes to us if she's lonely it seems#she doesn't keep promises. i can't remember the last time she kept one.#bday gift my.. two longest n closest friends technically didn't give me n apollo anything at all n i really dont expect gifts genuinely lik#thats a Me thing but. it hurt i guess. the cake they hyped up never replied n ^ was supposed to deliver it they said but it never came n#she never followed up. but w. that guy she likes she uses money n. idm that at all i'm not clingy or possessive but it's the fact that#i'm trying rlly hard to see what she's done to show how she cares for like us yh but i can't. rlly find anything n that hurts bcs i feel#used n i hate it bcs ik she's still a good person at heart. but to be forgotten n replaced n.#another close friend asked her a favor. bcs she cant do it herself she asked ^ to buy w the money <- gave her#she.. she didnt follow through so my friend the one who asked the favor told me n apollo that the gift she meant to give is now sold out#she. i hate feeling this way but i can't deny that i did feel v invalidated on the day before my bday w their actions n words#i.. i cried a lot that day but i was the one that apologized.#i think she's busy. or maybe she's the same as before n still isn't exactly the best at managing a lot of things. maybe she's tired in gene#general. i wld ask her but i hate this part of me that tells myself that. says i'm better left gone or forgotton or wtvr n. aghh i can't#i can't reach out. i care for her still a lot but she rlly has been draining so i. i don't know what to do
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