#remember how i was talking abt that old rp the other day? yeah

[inkedmyths]

Day 11 - Orange Roughy + Keep

A little something something for an "alternate universe" lore for my Clan that I want to start working on! At. Some point. After I put more work into writing my, yknow. Canon-verse lore. Haha...

[lemonsbakery]

Massive inf au appreciation post, this thing is..rllyy long..

The infected au was made on 2/2/22, today is 2/2/23. The au is officially 1 year old!! :D

The au has come a long way and I am so happy I was able to see it grow to be what it has become today, from the beginning to now. This post is basically how the au came to be, the way it affected me as a person, and more extra stuff!!

Also heads up! Nearing the end of this paragraph there is a bloody eclair edit! Beware!

HISTORY

THE AU & ME

The infected au was formed by a lot of people! Me and a bunch of my other friends (Norman, Roffy, Shun, Klee, Mags, and Trophy) were in a GC that was initially made to raid a server with this one weirdo guy but we don't talk abt him erm, anyways!! The idea to make an au came from Norman. He sent an eclair sprite edit with the text "I might make this an AU if I really wanted 😦" the sprite edit was eclair but really injured and. miserable. We decided to make a server and began brainstorming in there!

Now you might be wondering (no you arent) how did all the creators meet? Did you know each other from another server??

We all indeed meet from another server, we all actually met from a now-deleted cookie run rp server! Ironically enough Norman was the first person I rped with LFAMSSOA anwayys coughs so much erm. yeah!! I have this really vivid memory where Roffy, Norman, Klee, and LEMON (me!!) were doing a Mandela catalog cookie run rp, Roffy was Almond (he got his SHIT ROCKED BTW OH MY LORD), Norman was Madeleine and Eclair, I was my oc, CC, and Klee was her oc, Max! I think that was the moment when we all started getting comfortable with each other.

oh my god, this server has changed me so much as a person and has helped me develop into the me I am today. That place was and still is my safe place. I feel so comfortable in there and the community is so accepting and silly, we're all just like a little happy family. I remember when I was going through a really awful time in my life and I opened up abt it in the server. The community helped me get out of that god forbid situation without making me seem like a fool, they helped me realize that it's OKAY to be going through something heart-wrenching and that people care about me. I remember when I wasn't really a good roleplayer in that server. Every one of my rps would seem so rushed and panicked, but nobody ever made fun of me. They let me go at my own pace, and they made me feel like I belonged. Slowly and steadily I got better at it, I started doing paragraph rps and started researching stuff about writing and reading more, I learned how to expand on my interests and how to get better at what I love all because of that silly cookie run rp server. I wouldn't even BE here without that server, I wouldn't have gotten Tumblr, I wouldn't have even gotten that into cookie run without that server, and I wouldn't be able to make the things I make today without that server. It's so hard to explain just how much this au means to me, this place is like a second home to me. I can be myself there without anyone screaming at me, I can write in whatever way I want without someone telling me I'm writing too much or too less, I can draw anything my heart desires without someone telling me my art is awful or overboard. There's no such thing as 'cringe' or 'stupid' in the infected au, be anyone you want and this place will love you just as much as everyone else! Its literally the most accepting discord server I've ever had the pleasure of building and being apart of. The infected au caused me and so many people to become closer. Roffy is literally like a little sibling to me, Norman is literally my platonic lover, and Klee and Mags are my children apparently, I love them all with every fiber of my being.(/P) I'm so happy we all got to create so many memories in the AU and I hope we all will continue to do so for much, much longer. Today was the day my life started getting better, today is literally like a worldwide holiday to me, today is a day I hope never is forgotten by anyone in the infected au including myself. Im running out of things to write but you get the point.

Happy 1st anniversary infected au!! KILL OFF ALL YOUR CHARACTERS NOWWWWW/J /POS

PICTURES!!

Norman suggesting that we make an au out of an eclair sprite

Half infecteds become real

first few messages in the server

first picture sent to the server

first rp in the server

emo (literally) almond comes 2 life😈😈

uhh yeah thats basically it. The server has come so far and im so proud of it and all of its members. ILYSM INFECTED AU!!

[appleflavoredkitkats]

What about other ppl in the smp, like Eret, Niki, Jack? Do they go to Las Nevadas? Are Eret and Fundy still friends?

HEYO THANK YOU FOR ASKING MORE ABT THE AU BC I DEEPLY APPRECIATE IT <33 /g

tw: gambling, drinking, self-neglect, slight eating disorder, mentions of past violence

/dsmp /rp

i'd like to this this au is set in a period after wilbur's resurrection and dream's prison escape where the entire smp is like. well, we're fucked— time to get wasted now!

quackity would originally look down upon eret, puffy, h, and punz because of the entire monarchy fiasco, but after knowing how rich eret was, quackity would let them slide. they don't seem to be a threat of power anyway, so why should he care? i also think eret might've helped supplied las nevadas too, maybe just simple materials here and there thanks to fundy's requests.

fundy has talked to eret multiple times whenever he visits. eret is good at stopping themselves from getting too addicted to alcohol or gambling, so they would be sober or healthy enough for fundy to have conversations with. eret has even probably had sleepovers with fundy because eret is still genuinely concerned about his wellbeing, you know? because to eret, it feels odd that fundy doesn't seem as lively as he used to be, even if he is still quite enthusiastic when he works, it still isn't the same.

eret often asks fundy about family. i think that's the main thing they always talk about— family, and found family. eret has found a family with the knights he's hired and giving shelter to all of the ex-members of the eggpire. eret's main concern is fundy, and if he could ever forgive them for missing the adoption. and fundy doesn't really know actually, because he is still quite hurt about it, but he's definitely moved on. he still values eret as a good friend, and eret reciprocates, and i guess that's what matters to him.

but in terms of family, fundy doesn't really know if he wants to label anything as family due to his trust issues. he often vents to eret about these problems, especially in the earlier stages of las nevadas. he's scared that if he ever labels something as family, they'd just leave him anyway, so he prefers not having a family. but eret still insists its important for fundy to have some type of support system, but this is where fundy tends to change the topic, and eret can't do anything but hopelessly nod along.

but there's a time that definitely changed! there's a time eret did hangout with fundy, do a simple sleepover like old times, and they woke up once to quackity and schlatt entering fundy's room with a tray of food. eret asked them what the food was for, especially since this didn't happen last time eret was here, but quackity replies that he kind of got used to it out of habit, especially since fundy doesn't really notice that he skips meals every now and then.

and eret is kind of surprised they care?? in a good way of course, because they're all. oh, fundy HAS found a better family to care for him. quackity and schlatt bids eret a good day before leaving, and eret approaches the tray of food quietly. there's a note placed atop. on the note, there's a to-do list for fundy with simple things like “remember to eat” or “remember to take breaks” or “lessen your cigarette intake”, and on the back, there seems to be a long note left by quackity. eret didn't want to invade fundy's privacy too much, but they did remember glancing at a small note that said “you are loved. take care of yourself, and never forget that” written somewhere on the paper.

NOW FOR NIKI! niki does visit, she visits a LOT, and she loves the upbeat vibes of las nevadas, anything with popping colors and enthusiastic moods are such a turn on for her, and she just loves to stay there for multiple days on end. the syndicate would be often concerned about her wellbeing, but niki ensures she doesn't really get too drunk or gamble too much.

(the drinking statement is debatable because, surprisingly, niki has a high tolerance for alcohol, so she drinks a LOT. where was this when she was having her villain arc?)

she's honestly just happy to be there, and she just likes to dance and groove! there's a thrill in las nevadas she never really experienced much in her life, and she's happy she can basically vibe here without worrying about betrayal or death every five seconds.

on the dance floor, she has danced with a couple of people. the first one she does dance with accidentally is schlatt, who seems to be Very Awkward when it comes to dancing. he honestly wasn't even supposed to be there— niki thinks he might've lost a bet or something? but niki still tried to make do with what she was given.

the most interesting conversations niki has had in her life has got to be the ones she has on the dance floor. when it came to schlatt, he was mumbling a lot, very awkward and tense knowing the state of their relationship during the manberg era, but niki puts that aside. because there's no point on lingering on the past for too long— she's talked to puffy and the syndicate about this far too many times— so she grabs schlatt and twirls him around like nothing has happened. he never really got to apologize, but he did give niki a fun dance, and you know what? it was fun! so that's all that matters.

quackity was the second one she's danced with, and quackity is the opposite of schlatt. he was charming, enthusiastic, extremely extroverted, and niki definitely enjoyed it! but to niki, she knows quackity isn't always this upbeat, or this loud and obnoxiously in your face, so when a slower song plays, she asks quackity if he can just shuffle alongside her slowly and follow her mellow footsteps. he calms, and she calms, and the conversations had dwindled into something more familiar. after a certain while, quackity admits that he's missed this, he's missed being vulnerable, he's missed being genuine, he's missed being soft and laidback, so niki tells him thst he's allowed to be that way for the rest of the dance.

and last person she's danced with was fundy. and fundy, she's definitely talked with before the dance, but she also calls in eret to join them. they boogie to an upbeat rhythm, dancing as if this feeling of euphoria and happiness was something they've experienced all their lives. niki knows that, often, whenever they meet up, there's always something that reminds them of their past faults, so they never got to be the way they were before the wars. so now, niki tries her best to make it different. that fun they had when they pranked tommy in the past, or find foxes together, or build weird statues— she will try her best reincarnate those feelings of pure happiness through stupid dance moves and stupid jokes because she misses it, and she will try her best to fix the friendship so that it'll be same, perfect thing it once was.

jack is pretty complicated, because i don't know much about jack, but i'd say he is one of quackity's... less responsible business partners. knowing jack, fundy and schlatt try their best to not get quackity to jump on his ass because quackity often gets mad at the ridiculous deals and offers jack gives.

i'd say that jack is just... having a pretty rough time. fundy and schlatt denote that he's kind of lonely, and his demeanor is very similar to quackity's wherein he uses irritation and/charm to mask the hurt they experience. and quackity... does soften up to that. he knows what it's like to feel alone and be left alone by people out of nowhere, so quackity decides to give jack another kind of offer: jack transfers ownership of their hotel back to tommy, and quackity will give jack a job offer to work at las nevadas' hotel. in that way, quackity doesn't need to make multiple exchanges with jack's business; he just needs jack to work for him lmao

so yeah, it's kind of a lax job. the hotel isn't the most booked all the time, but jack does enjoy managing the front desk since quackity actually allows him to get mad at shitty customers lmao. jack doesn't stay there 24/7 of course—if he wants to leave, he can just depend on fundy's redstone to do the work—but he does like working there because nobody looks down upon him. he feels like he has something he can do that he can do well, and nobody is looking at him as if he was inferior. sure, quackity and him are still not on the best terms, but jack doesn't feel like he's being belittled at all.

i'd say jack and sam kind of are friends too? because while schlatt, quackity, and fundy have their own thing, sam and jack manage las nevadas more on the sidelines, but they relate at the fact that they just casually do their own thing in las nevadas. it doesn't feel too awful or violent or belittling— it just feels normal.

sometimes, jack would visit the bar right after it closes to just. drink and talk to sam about... well, anything, really. these talks would typically last through the day, and they're kinda just glad they have found someone to talk to about, well, anything. it's hard to find a feeling of normalcy in the dream smp, let alone a feeling of peace and serenity, so even if they find this chill ambiance in a bar or a casino, they both still revel in the feeling of peace. they're happy with it, so they'll do whatever they can to maintain it.

[wokestraightpuffy]

Hallo, i hope you are alright and that my ask aren’t annoying but I wanted to ask do you have any c!puffy headcannons? —🤡

YOURE NOT ANNOYING AT ALL !!! NEVER THINK THAT ILU VERY MUCH. MUAH /p

as for c!puffy headcanons, i am not the best person to ever organize their thoughts properly but ill try my best >:’D

ahaha. this got. super complex and way too long and more of like an introspective study to puffy now instead of harmless fun headcanons so, uh. under read more <3 (also reminder this is all /rp and /dsmp)

* i like to think that she has a hero complex, but its a bit different since she never really sees herself as an ‘important’ part of the story, not the main character but a support one, hence ‘im fine with being the side character’ or how she’s said she doesnt care what happens to her and would gladly sacrifice(?) herself if there werent other people she had to protect. girl u need therapy urself <3

* though very open with how she feels and never afraid to say when someone/something is upsetting her, ‘opening up’ is still a whole mountain climb for her, apparently. like, she’d rant about the egg, get mad at the eggpire, let off some steam by committing arson or exploding stuff, she’ll rarely ever talk about how much the stuff that upset her actually HURT her. does that make sense? LIKE, she’ll lash out, she’ll get mad, she’ll take NO SHIT thrown at her face, but to show the kinda vulnerability of dealing with that? to cry about it talk about those feelings with someone? I think she’d rather eat her own foot lol

* adding onto the thing above, she doesnt necessarily actually realize this about herself. less of actively doing it and rather growing... used to the ‘cycle of violence’ in the smp as they call it. and the fact that rarely have people really asked, that no one’s actually available for that, w her losing her closest friends, bad and ant, sam being busy w the warden stuff... and niki. yeah. there’s foolish, but i doubt she’d ever see venting to someone she considers her son appealing

* also. puffy is just sometimes... really bad at conveying sadness. i think she’s a rare crier. id go as far to say that shes even more emotionally constipated than dream, lol (but maybe not while the guy’s in his prison arc) and that she’d be the type of person to tell you its okay to cry but beat herself up over something if she let a tear slip in a heated moment

* speaking of sadness. she’ll only ever actually Be Sad if she’s alone or with someone she doesnt necessarily care the opinions of. yknow how she mourned for tommy and blamed herself? those dialogue bits? yeah, those are only times shed actually be vulnerable

* puffy’s go to response to the egg and how its fucked up her relationship w her friends is pure fury. but, going off of her line about ‘failing bad and ant’ i like to think that she probably hates herself the most about it. THAT IS A STRONG WORD LOL BUT YEAH. she yells and curses and gets mad, but sometimes i wonder if the words she had spat before were more directed to herself

* THIS GIRL HAS SELF-IDENTITY PROBLEMS. CAN WE GET A HELL YEAH FOR THAT CHAT? outside of having no goddamn clue about where she came from, how she got here and who she even is, scrounging up a role for herself in a server with a war on the background and traumatized kids got her resignedly coerced into thinking that she is only a Parent. Only good enough when she’s actually doing something Useful for people. SO. when she finds that ship? of having a crew and having a curse? OF FINDING OUT SHE MIGHT HAVE/ HAVE HAD A MOM THATS WAITING FOR HER?  the sense of control she has on herself is absolutely crushed. shattered, and she’s left to pick up the pieces w no one to talk abt it with <3

* adding onto the above, it’s why the line ‘I’m supposed to be mama puffy. me.’ hurts me so much! so yes! please cry with me :D

* also to add more on the fact that she thinks she’s only worth something when she’s being useful, puffy literally contemplated leaving the server, thinking that it wouldnt matter leaving since no one really needs her anyway, since she’s failed so many people. bad and ant, tommy, dream. shes said how foolish can take care of himself on how tubbo and ranboo have each other, how she and niki have drifted so far away from each that it might as well be a break up.

HOOOOOOOOOO OBOY . anon youve really given me the perfect chance to ramble huh? sorry for the rather incomprehensible brainrot, here’s more lighthearted headcanons about puffy asdhfkd

* she cannot stand still sometimes. she always has to be doing something extra, walking when the prime path is right there? shed rather go through tedious little holes or hop and balance onto fences to get where shes going. she’ll mindlessly fix up the path when there are holes or mismatched wood, and one time went on a long, long LONG journey cleaning up the paths tommy purposely DESTROYED near lmanburg and even added cobblestone sidings which werent there before

* puffys a bit of a sentimental person. writing in her log to clear her thoughts sometimes and cared enough to try and preserve lmanburg with the glass sheet and trying to find possible surviving artifacts of history to respect it, even though she’s never been a part of it. its also why, when doomsday happened and lmanburg got permanently poofed, she began to appreciate the buildings that are still standing and began taking more pics 

* she’s not used to being... what do you call it, um, cared for? she’d deflect compliments sometimes, when shes having a particular bad day, like, she’d laugh nervously and change the subject, sometimes she’d outright deny it, most days she’d jokingly say ‘staphhh it’ and add a very genuine thanks. my point being is, do something for puffy that is mildly nice and she’d keep that moment in her heart forever. 

* also funny story regarding the above. u know how karl is notorious for stealing her materials? and how puffy was contemplating doing something in retaliation for them? karl says hi for once when she joins the server and she goes ‘alright fine youre safe for saying hi’ LOL THIS WAS PROBABLY A BIT META WISE but something about this implying that the bare minimum or LESS is enough to make puffy forgive someone is very sad and funny at the same time for me. girl really said ‘oh you said hi to me? thats nice all the crimes youve ever done towards me is now forgiven. <3’ (this is a bit of an exaggeration on my part, ofc, i just think its funny LMAO) 

* ironically, despite being the ‘captain’, whenever riding a boat with someone, she prefers being on the backseat and letting them drive. ig shes just there for the ride i suppose, her and her uber drivers :3

 * she either has a rather unhealthy obsession with baked potatoes or she just doesnt wanna waste eret’s massive potato farm

* idc what cc!puffy says is c!puffy will always and forever be 5′2″ in my HEART. u are the shortest member, u cannot change this <3

* shes really fond of animals/ neutral mobs. she often baby talks to them and they help boost her mood a lot when shes having a bad day :D

* up to this day, the little secret rooms she’s created around the server have all been yet to be discovered, unless the one under bad’s house has been found. she rarely ever really keeps tabs on them, and more often than not they are just collecting dust. she still visits sometimes and cleans them up ofc

* she still genuinely thinks dream can change. cc!puffy’s line about that, ‘i’m his last hope.’ really makes me think about this a lot. 

* ive seen people talk abt it a bit but the headcanon that puffy acts as the server mom to fill the ‘void’ of her missing her mom makes me cry at night /hj

* she really likes her rainbow onesie! i headcanon that eret gave her that along w the sunglasses, but she started wearing that less when she found her old captains uniform. shes never really said why, though, and nobody ever really bothered to ask

* god bless this woman but sometimes the server members get on her nerves sometimes so she goes out of her way to traverse along far away from the main community to maybe commit a few crimes. let off some steam. these take a few days but she always returns

i probably have a lot more hcs but i cant remember them >_> THIS IS A LOT ANYWAY. HOPE U ENJOYED MY BRAIN VOMIT. IF U READ THIS FAR ILU THANK U

if there are mistakes it is bc i am crying and cannot see my keyboard and also i am sleep deprived /hj

[deloresisout]

SHIPPING INFO // Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST. Don’t reblog.

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE?: I mean Sal and Delores are going strong. I have the ability to make them break up but I haven’t. Well. In terms of a forreal they despise each other breakup. 🤷🏽‍♀️

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?: Everything except for the first meeting, we can plot that out lmao. Like, it has to be a really good first meeting for me to want to write the entire thing out. Because usually, they feel kind of stiff? Or they’re dropped because the partner gets bored. But really, I consider rping a romantic relationship the same as writing a platonic relationship: I want to get into a lot of things. Characterization things. Not just fluff.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?: Delores is [main verse] 66, but if someone younger [like, in their 40s] likes her that’s no big deal. The relationship may be unrequited, maybe not. It depends on chemistry and the realism of it all. I mean! I’d like to have another muse who is in her age group to ship her with, but that’s....super unlikely. In her 30s & 40s, Delores is still inclined to date in her age group. If not someone in their 60s. But Didi is much different in the sense she’s really into old men. Now, she doesn’t actively pursue them and is bound to be with people in her own age group, but she feels like she clicks better with old guys when she’s young. She too, remembers The Great Depression [from secondhand stories].

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?:  Only if a brand new follower is going to link me a picture of my fc and be like, ‘hi.’ That’s just some red-flags.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NS.FW?: I don’t know, I’ve never written smut on the dash. 

WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH?: @armsdealing came around with Emile and that was Didi’s first ship. Then came @cocainechique because it made sense to me that Delores would love Elvira and then there’s Shariah on @pcplarstreet. They’re all very different ships.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?:   I’m at a point where I’m asking people first as soon as I see the chemistry because I’ve had moments...so many moments where I’ve secretly shipped things across my blogs and then by the time our muses are getting like, romantically invested in one another, the other person goes on indefinite hiatus so I’m back to square one. But partners should also speak up so I feel like I’m not about to make a fool out of myself, you know? There’s also been moments with old partners where both our muses had a crush on each other, but we never said anything abt it ooc and my ass assumed: ‘oh, they’re just complicated friends...wait? she likes him forreal! oh! he likes her too!’ I mean in hindsight this is a cute memory but it shows how I can be.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?: Nobody ever even wanted to ship with Minnie (who is my most outwardly romantic oc) back when she was on @allpeechykeen so that's how I got into self-shipping. Nobody really wanted to ship with Sheila either, who was a romantically difficult person but - yeah, all and all my black women don’t really get ships. I love platonic relationships but I really don’t write (and I actually mean write) solid romance often, so expansion in terms of ships would be good period because I honestly feel like I’m rusty in terms of writing genuine romance. Admittedly, I don’t like to openly ship my white dudes much because I know people I’ve never even spoken with are going to pop out the woodwork. But even in spite of this I’m down to ship them with muns of color, though. Especially with people’s black female ocs because I know how it feels to write one...and try so hard to get a meaningful ship going for one....yeah. 

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?: Yea

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?: I love all the ships I have but I honestly think I’m chill with it (due to life/my current emotional state/if i’m working on new things divides my focus jhkdnm) I may not talk about a ship we have every day, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about it.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?: Delores has no fandom, but like I said all my ships are different. Like Didi and Emile are a sweet pair that could be explored more. Delores and Elvira are just...in a league of their own. They’re widows who found love (and a criminal empire) together! And Shara and Del are...Shara and Del. Sometimes what they have is cute and innocent, sometimes what they have is this cordial coldness and sometimes, with Sal dead, there’s silent (or not-so-silent) pining and an underlying degree of coldness.  

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?:  Be my friend on tumblr who talks and acknowledges me on the dashboard. Like, I’ve partaken in shipping calls with muns who had muses I really liked, but we weren’t speaking at all so it was stressful. Then they wanted to jump around w/ the ship...so it was extra stressful because we weren’t plotting anything. Having me on discord/always hitting me up on the tumblr IMs is a...really good thing too because it shows you’re not only drawn to the ship but you’re vibing w/ me as a person!! Or something like that. Other than that, always be willing to explore verses and dynamics and what-ifs.

snatched from: @grandzealot & @beenpole tagging: its a snatch game!

[pcttigrew]

its bee back again with the ball of insecurities and sass that is peter pettigrew wyd 

did someone just say they saw KEIYNAN LONSDALE on the hogwarts express ?? never mind — it’s just that SEVENTH year GRYFFINDOR, PETER PETTIGREW. he’s pretty INTUITIVE + FACETIOUS, but one of the portraits whispered to me that he’s also FOOLHARDY + SELF-DOUBTING. anyways, i hear they PLAN ON entering the tournament!

(    laughter breaking the stillness of a suburban summer night, coughing on whiskey and cigarettes, running a restless hand over close-cropped hair, the soft ticking of a grandfather clock, bruised knuckles stuffed in the pockets of scuffed jeans. the golden rays of the late afternoon sun. quick glances seeking approval, a cheeky grin once it’s been earned. dog eared comic books in a cardboard box under your bed, feet dangling over the edge of the roof, staring down the stars, wanting to be a hero but not quite knowing how.   )

PINTEREST BOARD ! 

been playing pete for over 4 years now but this is my first time playing him with a keiynan fc so be gentle sjflkdsjf

PETER PETTIGREW. born in sheffield, england to a muggle father and a magical mother. he lived in a small brick house with old fashioned furniture. his family has always been catholic so he dressed up and went to church every sunday. he was an only child, and it showed – his parents adored him and coddled him from the moment he was born.

perhaps because of this, or perhaps because he was a wizard, he didn’t really click with the muggle kids in his neighbourhood. he was more a mama’s boy, helping his mother dust and vacuum and fold the laundry and set the table for supper every day. his parents were worried that he wasn’t a very social child, and that he wouldn’t make many friends at hogwarts. they even considered holding him back a year, but ultimately decided against it.

but lo and behold, when he went to hogwarts he made friends! remus, sirius and james to be specific. and it was gr8 and they brought out this whole other side of him that he’d never shown before

this mischievous, snarky boy who’ll “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am” your mum to her face but just as soon make a “your mom” joke when she’s out of earshot. his smile is either shy and endearing or the cheekiest lil shit-eating grin you’ve ever seen. he’ll laugh at the worst of jokes. fluent in sarcasm. he’s great at seeming more innocent than he is ( a power used for pranks now, but much darker things later ). and yeah, he’s an enabler - his friends do stupid stuff and he doesn’t stop them. but so what? he’s a teenage boy.

his room is surprisingly neat. would never admit it but he kind of likes cheesy cliches ( he’s watched gone with the wind with his mum enough times he can quote it off by heart ). he wants to be a dashing hero like in the dog eared comic books he still has in a box under his bed. wants to sweep a girl off her feet. wants to be something more than the sidekick, at least once. sometimes he’s trying just a bit too hard to impress other people because he cares a lot more about what other people think of him than he likes to let on. slightly self conscious because he had a growth spurt over the summer – he used to be really short but now he’s all long limbs and stupid grins and dimples and he’s grown quite attractive but doesn’t realize it thank god. and hey – that’s just part of his charm. because he is charming. he just doesn’t realise it compared to james and sirius.

he compares himself to james and sirius a lot. peter has always been prone to insecure thoughts and nervous tics – during exam season his nails are always bitten down to stubs and his skin breaks out. and in the times he’s feeling particularly unhappy with himself he looks to his friends. and this can go either one of two ways – either they make him better and build him up. and really he should be able to do that himself but he’s always been dependent on other people. always. first his parents, then the marauders. OR he’s feeling insecure and he looks to his friends and sees how much better they are than him. how unattainable their status is. and he feels like a useless burden, dragging them down. those are his bad days. but they’re relatively infrequent – at least for now.

he has ways to dispel these thoughts. for one, he drinks. not the best coping mechanism, granted, but whiskey burns his throat and the inside of his chest like the fire he always wished he had burning inside of him, and it makes him feel stronger and it makes him feel braver and his friends are drinking with him and soon they’re all laughing and doing stupid shit together and then the alcohol washes away any doubts peter has. and it’s good.

and sometimes he gets into fist fights. he’s gotten better at it over the years, ever since sirius taught him that your thumb isn’t supposed to go inside your fist. he feels strong when he fights, he feels a reckless sort of freedom that’s as close to confidence as he’ll ever get. and sometimes he picks fights he knows he can’t win, but hey, that’s part of the thrill, right? because he also knows that his friends can bail him out, and he also knows that the black eye he’s going to have in the morning will make him look tougher, and people will fuss over him and ask questions. and it’s good.

if you asked peter what the most important thing in the world is to him, he would say his friends. and he would say his family. not once would it ever occur to him to say himself, or his own health or happiness. and i’ll get into this more later, but when the war begins, peter doesn’t betray his friends for himself, at least not at first. in a weird, twisted, misguided way, he does it for them. but again – i’ll get into that later.

he puts a lot of value on interpersonal relationships. and sometimes, that’s a good thing because he values those relationships and cherishes them, and he’s a wonderful friend and very intuitive. he can always tell if someone’s upset, and he’s a great listener. but also sometimes it’s a bad thing how much value he puts on those relationships. because he builds his own personal value off of them, and off how much people like him and support him. like i said – he’s always been dependent. he doesn’t know any way else to be.

and deep down, peter is an optimist. it’s his fatal flaw. how? because no matter how badly things are going, he thinks to himself that it’ll all turn out fine, in the end. something will happen, in the end. someone will save him, in the end. for instance – he has no idea what he wants to do after hogwarts. and sometimes that worries him, but most of the time he pushes it to the back of his mind. he can think about that later. it’ll turn out fine. and when the war starts, and he gets deeper and deeper involved with the death eaters, he refuses to admit how much it scares him and how big of a problem it’s becoming. because in the end, it’ll turn out fine. it always does for the good guys. he never considers that he may not be one of the good guys.

this is far far in the future and almost definitely wont happen in this rp but just to talk abt the motivation behind his betrayal --- he gets involved with the death eaters when it’s looking darkest for the order. and victory is looking certain for the death eaters. so he joins them because he has this stupid, stupid, naive hope that if he joins the death eaters, he can convince them to spare his friends when they inevitably win. he does it for them. and deep down, he knows that that’s not gonna happen, but he pushes it to the back of his mind. because it’ll all turn out fine.

[ TW CANCER, DEATH ] this year is the year his insecurity complex starts to come into play – when everything starts to unravel. it’s a slow process, and it begins with peter’s father. see, peter’s father is dying, but he doesn’t know it yet. no one does. it’s during a doctor’s appointment, a month from now, that william pettigrew will be diagnosed with stage ii pancreatic cancer. he won’t make it. he will die before peter graduates from hogwarts.

peter’s mother will not deal with it well. she will retreat into herself, mourning the death of her husband, and peter will be forced to spend most of the summer after his last year caring for her, while struggling with his own grief. suddenly, peter will go from the doting, loving support of both parents to the support of neither.

so he’ll turn to his friends, desperate, seeking validation and support, but they’re each starting their own lives. there’s a war starting, they’re all beginning their own independent lives but peter – remember, peter has always been dependent. and suddenly, his insecurities are making a surprise comeback. the golden years at hogwarts, what peter will later realize were the best years of his life, are gone, and so is the carefree boy peter used to be.

but anyway. that’s the canon future. but like, au rp, triwizard tournament, who knows what’ll happen?? could order!peter emerge???? will peter be able to deal with his growing insecurity complex in a healthy way??? stay tuned folks

either way though, right now peter is just a normal teenage boy, impulsive and goofy and self-conscious, excited about the tournament like the rest of the school, dreaming of glory and adventure

[mukur0writes-blog]

25 Q’s (tag)

Thank you to @leapwriter for the tag!!!

1. Is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

Yes. I have this one super in-depth concept that will require...well, a shitton of research. I’m talking binders full. It’s highly political and involves an outrageous amount of extrapolation and speculation based on history and real-world politics and foreign policy as well as past relations and state’s relations and...long story short, Tennessee secedes from the U.S. as they threatened to do a few years ago under the Obama Administration. the U.S. responds with high tariffs to this new “independent country” and rip, Tennessee, which is not self-sufficient in any shape or form, goes to hell. It would follow several characters and examine “illegal immigration,” wealth and poverty, the nature of activism, and the consequence of conservative backlash.

2. What work of yours, if any, are you embarrassed about existing?

Anything written before 2013. Some after.

3. What order do you write in? Front of book to back? Chronological? Favorite scenes first? Something else?

So far I’ve always written front to back, as it would be read, but lately I’ve been considering going more freeform and doing scene by scene, but that requires a solid outline and I have never in my life been able to outline with any actual success.

4. Favorite character you’ve written?

Depends on the day and who I’m currently working on. fan characters, Mukuro forever.

5. Character you were most surprised to end up writing?

this is probably more relevant to canon characters that I’ve picked up for fanworks, tbh. like...Genos of OPM? I never would have expected. Colonnello of KHR? wtf

6. Something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

there’s some shit I wish I’d refined in the current OPM fanfic, Androgen Blues, but I’m not gonna go back and heavy edit published chapters before even updating lmao. 

7. When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

I don’t share my online works with people irl, period, ever. but I’m okay telling people that I write I guess. people ask hobbies and like, that’s the biggest one so I can’t exactly hide it

8. Favorite genre to write

depends on the day. I love horror and speculative fiction. spec fic is where my heart truly lies, but horror is damn good, too. admittedly I have a lot of practice writing erotica, too. 

9. What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

pinterest boards because I’m a fucking pleb. I like to read manga a lot and sometimes I get lucky and get bright ideas and inspo. music is a huge one. xkito and SuicideSheep are so important to my writing.

10. Write in silence or with background music? Alone or with others?

this depends 100% on the day. some days I just need some goddamn quiet, some days I have to plug into some music to write. some days I’m too noise sensitive to listen even if I wanted to.

11. What aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

I mean, I started writing when I was like 10, so...I sure hope all of it. lmao. technique, narrative, maturity, prose, readability, variation, style, character building, world building, audience awareness, relationships, dynamics, tone, pacing, planning...

12. Your weaknesses as an author?

i’m so fucking ADD. i’ve never finished a project with more than four chapters or forty pages so far. and I used to have a million ideas a day and go back and forth constantly but after I got into fanworks i started channeling that all into RP threads and shit and now i feel pretty bereft of ideas? i need to get creative again and start thinking in originality instead of au’s and stuff.

13. Your strengths as an author?

i like to think it’s characterisation. character depth and interest and relatability. character variety and dynamic. 

14. Do you make playlists for your work?

not so far. i have playlists for writing in general, but not for specific wips

15. Why did you start writing?

it seemed cool i guess? i wanted to join in with people. i was a humongous daydreamer and realised i could write it down.

16. Are there any characters who haunt you?

my own characters?

I mean...the oc’s from when I was a stupid 13yo struggling with undiagnosed ptsd? those definitely haunt me.

the vampire knight next gen oc’s. those...those will never go away.

17. If you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

this sounds dramatic but I don’t do those...talk to your younger self things. I can’t go back there. maybe in 20 years. 

18. Were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? What were they?

god. so many...

early on, Maximum Ride. and Wheel of Time. talk about conflict. Garth Nix was in there somewhere.

as time went on, Anne Rice really had a hand in my style and storytelling and interests maturing. Oscar Wilde further refined it and encouraged me to start looking at human theory and experiment with writing. 

Kyoko Mori really really dug into me in early high school. I’m sure her books have had a very profound impact on my writing.

my brain is totally blipping on more but I’m sure there’s a ton. before my ADD made reading a big issue, I read abt an average-size book a day. sometimes 1000 pages. i was one of those kids.

19. When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timelines, ect.?

well organised bulletin points on a wordpad or something. seriously. i’m not...super in depth with organisation and notes and stuff. when i start working with full-on 100% original worldbuilding i’ll have to start using scrivener’s more in depth functions.

20. Do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

usually long sit-down sessions. that’s always the goal. but sometimes a little is all i can do. 

21. What do you think when you read over your older work?

how old? lmao, if it’s the shit I despise pre-2013 i can’t bring myself to read it. it’s fraught with “oh shit that’s trauma wow fuck me” -> dysphoria. then there’s just the weird ass feeling of not remembering stuff you know that you wrote. and shame. i’m bad at having to be perfect, thinking everyone is judging me, all that shit. even some stuff from last year i’ve read over in the last couple months and just cringed and curled up. i really need to rewrite it.

22. Are there subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

yyyyyyes. i mean there’s triggers for sure--like I could never ever write something involving syringes. i’d probably literally hurl. uh...abuse is a biggie. I can write it but it will mess with me, and there’s the tightrope of dealing with a victim who is probably glorifying the abuse to themselves while not glorifying it in a story, and like, i’m someone who’s been there and been addicted to that roller coaster so yeah, i totally could end up romanticising it without even knowing it (or because i couldn’t go into detail on it without that barrier). sometimes i think that varies by the day. i do write abuse but it’s usually venting more than anything to publish.

23. Any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

helped and hindered.

24. Have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

fuck hyperfocus, lmao

25. Copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of.

p...proud? of writing? surely you jest. no but the one i’m really proud of doesn’t really have any snippets that are interesting without context of the whole thing, sorry.

tagging @tofu-writes and @starcraftcd if you’re interested!