#rj's comments in the podcast just have me a bit worried

[viridianstars]

something that just occured to me is the question of what it means for the events in paris that louis was the one to “kill” lestat. in the vampire lestat, lestat confesses to armand that claudia “killed” him (not with the intention of having her killed tho since he doesn’t know her and louis are in paris yet) and in interview with the vampire, he repeatedly tells santiago and co he wants them to spare louis so he can go back to new orleans with him. armand then uses lestat’s info to have claudia killed because she broke te rules, but also because he wants louis all to himself.

but how is this going to work in the show? if lestat lies to armand that claudia killed him in order to protect louis, i feel like that’s going to make it even harder for him to be somwhat redeemed in the tvl season(s) in the eyes of a lot of fans since it’s straigh up not a good look. and if armand has claudia killed despite knowing louis actually slit lestat’s throat, that might make armand into more of a villain than in the books. 

i love lestat’s “death” in episode seven so much, it’s beautiful, tragic, poetic etc. i’m just kind of worried about what it means for season two.

[iffeelscouldkill]

this is the place that they pull you to

A/N: I would say “my hand slipped” but this actually took me like a week to write xD

This is a post-season 2 episode 1 fic, so, here be spoilers! Basically I was talking to @dragonsthough101 about how I was expecting more emotional fallout on McCabe’s end from all of the conflict and tensions in episode 1 and the putdowns from Arkady, and while I’m sure we will get that in the podcast, it also occurred to me that I could... write that :D and thus *flourishes hands*

Title is taken from Wires by Savlonic, because I was listening to it and I realised it’s actually a very good song for RJ, both under the Regime and after. And now I earworm myself whenever I work on this fic xD

---

Once the door to RJ’s room on the Iris II has slid shut behind them and the red ‘lock’ light has engaged, they let out a shaky breath.

Then, only then, do they allow their lower lip to tremble.

RJ shuffles over to the bed – more like a cot really, but that’s long-haul space travel for you – and drops down onto it. Park’s words from earlier are looping inside their head. “I hope you’re right. But honestly, in this moment, McCabe? I’m glad we don’t have to find out.”

RJ lets out another shaky breath that’s closer to a sob, and blinks back the tears that are forming in their eyes. It doesn’t completely work, and a couple escape and track down their cheeks. RJ smears them away with the palm of their hand. “Get a grip, McCabe,” they mutter angrily to themself. Sure, they might be alone in their room right now, but they know better than to feel like it’s safe to relax or let go. Someone could be by any minute to check on them, or there might be a situation that requires all crew members to come to the mess hall, or the cockpit, and then how will RJ explain their red eyes and wrung-out demeanour?

It’s not safe to let their guard down. It hasn’t been for weeks. Even around Park, the one person on this vessel RJ knows they can trust, RJ feels – off-kilter, like they’re lagging a step behind everything. RJ is still trying to get used to not addressing him as “Agent”, to figure out what they can and can’t say now, to navigate their new relationship. As friends – but are they friends? Does Park even like RJ, outside of the context of them working together under the Republic?

It seems uncharitable to think, and RJ and Park had always had a good relationship as colleagues – they hadn’t been close, and Park had seemed pretty inscrutable to RJ at first, but then they’d got used to his way of working and communicating. Figured out how to make him crack a smile. Drawn some praise from him, even, and realised that underneath everything he was a caring person, and a good boss.

But RJ had also thought – been sure – that Park was loyal to the Republic, so how well did they really know him? Know this Park? And Park has been treating them… warily, especially these past few days. Not coldly or poorly, but a little bit at arm’s length. Like he isn’t sure what they might do. Like he doesn’t trust them, even though RJ trusts Park totally – to the point where they were willing to throw over their whole career, everything they’d worked so hard for, and follow him onto the Iris II.

Granted, they also hadn’t had a lot of other options at that time, but RJ still isn’t sure they would have made the same decision if Park hadn’t been there.

And yet here they both are, and Park is already a fixture in the cockpit, watching the controls when Tripat- when Sana or Krejjh needs a break, having apparently built up some experience as a co-pilot for long-haul transports after serving in the military (yet another thing that RJ didn’t know about him). And he’s comfortable enough with the crew to be on bantering terms with them, to suggest plans involving decommissioned government satellites. Whereas RJ…

“Cram it, McCabe!”

RJ’s lip trembles again, this time in earnest. And RJ would like to pretend that these are angry tears, or frustrated or indignant tears, but they’re really not. RJ wants to be angry, to stand their ground and fire back and give as good as they get and somehow manage to verbally earn the others’ respect; to be seen as a person instead of a suspect or a liability. But they’ve struck the wrong chord every time. RJ is sick of the awkward tension every time they’re in the room; sick of Arkady’s prickly snappishness and Sana’s increasingly weary peacemaking; sick of the unspoken communication between the crew that they can’t parse.

It doesn’t help to realise that the crew must have got practiced at that during the weeks they spent evading the IGR’s scrutiny before they made landing on New Jupiter. At least Park could say he hadn’t been there by that point. But McCabe had, headphones on, straining to parse something from every off-handed comment, every loaded silence.

Park wasn’t there because he was being tortured in Zone Z, McCabe thinks, and abruptly feels sick. Sick at the thought, and sick of themself for – not thinking, for even considering for a split second that Park might be somehow better off. After being imprisoned, cut off from his friends and family, tortured and maimed by a government he’d spent years of his life serving.

The same government that he believes RJ was thinking of selling them out to.

This realisation steals the breath from RJ’s lungs with a whoosh, and all of a sudden they don’t feel sick, or indignant, or hurt – they just feel cold.

RJ hadn’t been able to explain to Park in the moment exactly what they’d been thinking by withholding the information about the Fowleys being bugged and monitored (because of course they were). When the ‘offer’ from Jay Fowley had first come through, the crew hadn’t been desperate enough to seriously consider it, and by the time they were… well, they’d been on the verge of figuring things out anyway. And RJ had been feeling angry, and vindictive, and not in the mood to volunteer anything that would aid the crew; not when doing that had got them into this mess in the first place.

And maybe in the back of their mind, a voice had been whispering that they should keep their options open. It’s a voice that gets louder in the dark, when RJ is lying awake on their bunk, unable to sleep for replaying those moments in the corridor, the way that it felt like the ground was falling out from under them as Goodman denounced them and Park as defectors. It gets louder whenever RJ clashes with Arkady, whenever they catch uncertain glances from the other crew members, whenever RJ wanders the corridors of this godforsaken claustrophobic ship and realises that this is it now. This is their whole life.

But they never thought about how that might look to Park. It’s like in RJ’s head there are somehow two Republics: the one that would be capable of doing such horrible things to Park – to any person, much less one who hadn’t been demonstrably proven guilty – and the one that RJ had dedicated their career to serving, that they had believed was just and good and right.

RJ wants to find him and apologise, to try and explain, to share some of the fears and secret thoughts that have been curdling on the back of their tongue these past weeks.

But Park told them to get some rest, and RJ has enough awareness to realise that there’s a much higher chance of the conversation turning out well if they sleep a while first. So, reluctantly, RJ toes off their shoes and shrugs off their vest, and wriggles underneath the taut blanket attached to the bunk.

Either they’ve reached some kind of peace with themself or they’re more exhausted than they realised, because sleep overtakes them in minutes.

---

RJ is woken by a knocking at the door: light and tentative at first, and then firmer and louder. As always, it takes a moment for their brain to catch up with their surroundings: the hard bunk beneath them, followed by the bare walls of their room, still unadorned (RJ wasn’t exactly carrying any personal belongings when they fled CUI Headquarters, and the ship hadn’t made any stops since. Not that RJ knows what they would put in their room anyway. There hadn’t been much to leave behind on New Jupiter). RJ sits up and rubs an arm across their eyes, then goes to answer the door.

It’s Violet. RJ clamps down on the reflexive urge to say something like, ‘Did you draw the short straw?’, or maybe, ‘Did they send you to manage me?’ Violet doesn’t look like she’s here under duress, and to RJ’s memory, she’s not a particularly good actor.

“Hi,” they say instead.

“Hi,” Violet replies with a little smile. There’s always a weird dissonance – though RJ would never, ever bring this up – that comes from hearing the voices of the Rumor crew come out of the mouths of actual people instead of a recording. “How did you sleep?”

“Uh…” RJ thinks back, and is surprised to find that the answer is ‘well’. They actually feel… slightly refreshed. “Fine.” Belatedly, they tack on, “Thank you.”

“That’s good to hear.” Violet smiles again. She’s never been unfriendly to RJ, but these past several days, she’s seemed more on edge, more prone to sarcastic retorts, less willing to make peace between them and Patel- Arkady. RJ had believed that her patience was slowly fraying, that like the rest of the crew, she was only willing to put up with the new additions to the ship for a certain amount of time and that she’d stop pretending before long. But now, taking in Violet’s looser posture, the way some of the lines around her eyes and mouth have eased, RJ realises it had never had anything to do with them. Violet had been worried about the supplies. About her… medical emergency.

Speaking of supplies… “Did Park tell you what we wanted to add to the list?” RJ asks, figuring they’d better add a bit of verisimilitude to the excuse that Park had used to speak to RJ alone.

Violet’s smile widens. “He did. I definitely agree about replenishing our coffee supplies – though, I don’t know what kind of quality you’re used to, because I should warn you that the black market kind – the affordable black market kind, anyway – is pretty bad. We get non-freeze-dried coffee whenever we can, but out here…” Violet shrugs as if to say, ‘Beggars can’t be choosers’.

RJ manages to suppress a wince at the term “black market”. This is your life, now, RJ, they remind themself for the thousandth time. “That’s okay. The stuff in the IGR breakrooms was basically dreck. I can drink pretty much anything.” RJ is no coffee lover, but they drink it for the caffeine. Pretty much everyone in the Republic has a caffeine addiction or develops one at some point – no way to get through eighteen-hour shifts without it.

Violet chuckles a little. “It was always the same at my lab internships. I guess bad breakroom coffee is pretty universal.”

RJ recognises that she’s trying to bond with them by referencing shared experiences of working for the Republic. It’s not the first time she’s done it. But RJ still has trouble seeing their circumstances as equivalent.

Violet is – had been – a scientist, not an Agent; not one of the IGR’s most loyal, tasked with the defence of the Republic. She’d never had access to classified briefings; hadn’t dedicated her life to tracking down and apprehending insurgent forces. And given that the Rumor crew had deceived her into entering the cryo chamber, she could argue that she’d been duped – and had only co-operated in order to save her own life. Well, the argument would hold water up until Elion, anyway.

It wasn’t the same.

The silence hangs for a few moments, before RJ prompts her, “Did you want to… ask me something?”

“Sorry, yes – I came to tell you that dinner’s ready and uh, we’re about to eat in the mess hall if you’d like to join us.” Violet smiles again, with a touch of nervousness this time. No doubt she’s expecting a caustic brush-off.

“Is it veggie stew?” RJ can’t help asking, with a slight nose wrinkle. They’re expecting a rebuke from Violet, some kind of warning about being grateful for what they have, but instead she laughs.

“Unfortunately. On the bright side, though, it’s only for a couple more days and then we’ll be able to have actual flavourings again.”

RJ almost smiles, and is surprised when they catch themself. And – they were going to decline, make an excuse about continuing their nap, because they’re still feeling off-kilter and they doubt that Arkady will be thrilled to be spending time in close quarters with them so soon, but – they think about Park’s talk with them in the hallway. About how they’ve spent the past few weeks dodging any kind of connection with the rest of the crew, anything that will put them past, in RJ’s mind, the point of no return – and where exactly that’s got them.

“Sure,” says RJ. “Just let me, uh…”

They put a hand up to their hair, realising that it must be sticking up in all directions after their nap. Short hair is gratifyingly easy to take care of, but it sure does have interesting ideas about gravity.

“I have a comb you can borrow, if you need it?” Violet offers.

“It’s fine,” RJ declines automatically. “Park-”

They catch themself, wondering why it feels like such a concession to accept even this tiny piece of help from someone other than Park. They think about their bare room, empty of any personal possessions.

“I’m okay right now,” they say slowly. “But… is it too late to add something to the shopping list?”

Violet blinks, clearly surprised, and then smiles brightly. “Not at all.”

---

Five minutes later, hair tamed and clothes straightened, RJ makes their way towards the mess hall, which adjoins the kitchen. They haven’t spent much time in here so far – there’d been a couple of communal dinners at first, which quickly gave way to the reality of shifts ending at disparate times and the need to simply grab food however and whenever people could, something RJ had been grateful for.

Once, on their way to the kitchen, they’d walked in on Violet and Arkady having what looked like a picnic at the table in the centre of the room, just the two of them. That had been awkward for everyone. Since then, RJ has taken to finding their food and snacks at times when they know most of the crew are otherwise occupied.

Everyone else is already there and making more noise than you would think a group of six people could generate. Brian is in the kitchen, ladling bland servings of stew into the uniform polypropylene bowls that they’d found stacked inside the cupboards. Krejjh stands next to him, loudly enthusing about the virtues of the stew to anyone within earshot. Violet and Sana are waiting to be served, while Arkady – who has just been handed a full bowl by Brian – rolls her eyes and makes sarcastic comments as she carries it through to the mess hall. There, Park is sitting in one of the bolted-down chairs, watching the whole scene with a slightly raised eyebrow and waiting, if RJ had to guess, for the general hubbub to die down before he goes to get his food.

RJ pads over and slides into the chair on the same side as Park’s good eye. Park turns his head slightly, giving them a quick once-over, almost too brief to catch. “Hi,” he says quietly. “How was your nap?”

RJ hesitates over what to say. “It helped,” they reply. “Park, can we… talk? After dinner?”

The tiniest of frowns creases Park’s forehead. “Sure,” he says. “Everything all right?”

RJ nods, drumming their fingers on the tabletop and meeting Violet’s gaze as she comes over to sit next to Arkady, giving RJ a friendly smile. They don’t quite return it, but… it’s not as unwelcome as it would have been, before.

“Yeah,” they say to Park. “It’s fine.”

[joebustillos]

JBB’s Final Thoughts Episode 37: The Endless Assault of “New Normals”

Pondering the challenges of finishing the school year in “work from home” mode and how the world might change “after this is done.”

MP3 Version: https://joebustillos.files.wordpress.com/2020/05/jbbsfinalthoughts_e037_the-endless-assault-of-new-normals.mp3 Enjoy and please subscribe to my YouTube channel or subscribe to all of my blog posts (scroll to the bottom of this page, click the red FOLLOW button in the “Follow blog via email” box).

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Past JBB’s Final Thoughts Podcast Episodes

Resources/Credits:

music: Social Blindness – 22K by Smart Sound Music

All images and screen grabs by Joe Bustillos ©2020 except where noted

Nevada schools will stay shut the rest of school year (image by Rachel Aston), Las Vegas Review-Journal, 04-22-2020

CCSD Chromebook Deployment (images), CBS 8 News Las Vegas, 04-22-2020.

EduBlogs screens (images), retrieved  01-22-2020

Empty Las Vegas by Josh Metz, https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=2932568266766674&set=pcb.2932568556766645&type=3&theater, retrieved 2020-04-08

Episode Notes/Script/Post:

Joe Bustillos here.

Toward the end of last week I found out that the rest of the school year is going to continue in the current “work from home”/“emergency learning” mode. Side Note: many districts are calling this current mode “remote learning,” but those of us who have conducted actual online or remote learning reject the use of those words to describe what we’re doing because it wasn’t begun with any planning or guidance or technology support that actual remote learning requires. And any successes in this endeavor is entirely because teachers are determined to stay connected with their students and quite frankly we are used to being told to do the impossible and make it happen without the means to be successful.

2020-04-22 RJ: CCSD schools closed for the rest of the year

2020-04-22_NCTA: CCSD schools closed

Stickam Session 2009 – joe bustillos

2012-08-22 Full Sail University EMDT Wk4 Wimba at 7.53.06 PM

Henry Price works on a Pepperdine OMAET project while we edit the video(s)

Last week was also the week when Chromebooks were being distributed to families attending my school who do not have technology at home. Since week two, home room teachers have been calling homes to connect with their students and to verify contact information. The word was that a large portion of our students and families didn’t have any technology at home including any kind of smartphone. So the decision and implementation of distributing technology is a good thing. I just wish that this could have happened before we began the fifth week of our current situation (sixth week if you count the week of Spring Break that we still got). So, that leaves four more weeks until the beginning of the Summer Break. I’m curious how much can be done in that time, given the lack of direct contact.

2020-04-22 CCSD chromebook deployment1

2020-04-22 CCSD chromebook deployment2

2020-04-22 CCSD chromebook deployment3

2020-04-22 CCSD chromebook deployment4

I’ve been working like crazing creating instructional videos and trying to figure out how I might get students to access the curriculum. One of the other specials teachers, the music teacher, has been championing using the Seesaw platform because it’s not dependent on student email addresses and can be accessed with a smartphone. Before this began I had created individual blogs for the 4th and 5th graders to teach Internet communications and digital citizenship, but that got a little derailed. So I’m thinking that I will jump on the simpler Seesaw bandwagon for the primary grades (K through 3) and use Google Classroom with the intermediate grades (4 and 5) with the option for any 4th or 5th grade students to use the blog accounts I’ve already created if they want to. Now to figure out how to get the personal login information to each student without creating a security leak. Oh yeah, during the second week of this situation district IT decided to change how student passwords could be updated and/or recovered and I was locked out of that process altogether, making it impossible for me to assist my teachers in getting student emails up and running (another reason I am going with Seesaw with the primary grades…). Then toward the end of last week, I was able to update a student password, so I’ll be busy working on those classes that didn’t get setup after I was locked out.

2020-04-06-COVID-19 Work From Home-week4: Spring Break edition

2019-08-28 twinsies with Mr. Sharp

edublogs1

edublog-dashboard-post-view-original

edublogs2

It’s not exactly a “new normal” for me to work from home or begin and end my day sitting at my computer desk. I taught online for six-years at Full Sail University before coming to Las Vegas and have been an online student since working on my masters with Pepperdine beginning in the summer of 2001. That said, I do miss going to the local micro-breweries Friday evenings after work or going to the movies at the Orleans with my girlfriend, Deb. And I really wish that I hadn’t sold my trusty treadmill when I moved from Orlando in 2016. Before I sold it, I got a lot of mileage on that bugger because I had it set up so that I could work on my laptop, create assignments and grade student work while getting in my daily walks. I notice that most of the treadmills are sold out on Costco’s website. When I was working face-to-face in the classroom I was on my feet continually, so I’m going to have to find some solution before I put on too much quarantine-weight. I also recognize that concentrated creativity requires routinely stepping away/physical activity to keep the brain fresh and engaged. Oh, and we’re now in that time of year when it’s getting over 80° by 9am. Ugh.

jbb video editing

2010-05-12 Work space iPad-ified

2011-04-01 Office Still Life (keyboard)

2020-02-22 Sand Dollar Lounge with Deb

2014-06-14 Treadmill Workout/Tech Pix

2014-09-12 Treadmill Workout Pix

Alas, a little physical discomfort is nothing compared to the challenges many are facing particularly unemployment and job loss because few service businesses like restaurants, casinos and theaters (the bread and butter of Las Vegas) can be done from home. I am lucky that there is an “emergency learning from home” possibility, but as I noted earlier, there’s a lot of families who don’t have the means to do at home learning and are falling through the cracks and might not come back when things turn around. And who knows what this “turn around” might look like. The number of students re-enrolling in the Fall might drop tremendously, shrinking the number of teachers needed in the Fall. Just after the work-from-home order was given, I was lucky enough to secure a position teaching at a Middle School close to my place beginning in the Fall, but things are far from certain given that we have no idea what enrollment is going to be in the Fall or what challenges we’ll face when we’re hit by COVID-19’s second wave. Given my health history, I’m certainly not in a position to not take precautions and be very concerned about getting back into the business of working in close proximity with hundreds of potential walking germ factories. I hope they like me in my fashionable face-masks.

2020-03-24 Josh Metz – empty-vegas

Learning from Home – robots

2020-03-03 Reading Week – funny Hair Day

2020-04-28 n95-busted

2002-06-04 Twain computer lab teacher

2020-04-07 costco with bandana

I have been working in technology (officially) for over 40-years, since I hired on with the phone company in 1979, so I’ve made a study of the constant change brought about by the continuing changes in technology. I’m used to this and I’m always looking for benefits and challenges. But most of my fellow teachers do not easily welcome change. One year after one of my schools became a video-journalism magnet school, ten of the thirty teachers left that school for other teaching positions at other schools. Hell, my change of schools has nothing to do with the current COVID-19 challenge, but it certainly doesn’t help with the difficulty of starting something new at a new school, new grade levels, new administration and the possibility of the second wave of COVID-19 rearing its ugly head just after the beginning of the new school year. So, yeah, I’m okay with the computer stuff/working from home stuff, but I worry that the world outside my door will never be the same again and I am getting a bit old for this shit. Really. I appreciate a good challenge, but this is getting ridiculous.

pacbell by joe bustillos

1979-1995 The Pacific Bell Years-04-ANHM01 ITT T-CXR equipment

Kaypro II

Non-Linear Systems Inc., Kaypro 10

2001-04-15 FACT TV screen shots – 12

2020-03-30 teach from home

How are you coping? How do you keep your sanity? I do find myself watching way too many Graham Norton videos on FaceBook when I need a break from other computer things. What’s your guilty pleasure? Please leave a comment or a like where ever you are seeing or hearing this podcast.

Also, if you haven’t done so, please subscribe to either my blog or to my YouTube channel. If you found this on Facebook and clicked the link to my blog to watch this, please scroll to the bottom of the blog page and click the “Follow” button. Enter your email address and whenever I post another podcast you’ll get a message in your email. Because I recently moved my videos to a new YouTube account, I have very few subscribers. So, if you’re watching this on YouTube, please feel free to go to my channel, click the subscribe button and the little bell icon, so that you get an email message whenever I post a new video podcast to my channel. Alas, thanks to FaceBook’s precious little algorithm, it’s not enough to be my friend on FaceBook, if you are interested in getting these podcasts when they come out (which I’m working on getting one out every two-weeks)… So, it works better if you either subscribe to my blog or my YouTube channel (or both!). Enjoy.

JBB's Final Thoughts Episode 37: The Endless Assault of “New Normals” JBB's Final Thoughts Episode 37: The Endless Assault of “New Normals” Pondering the challenges of finishing the school year in "work from home" mode and how the world might change "after this is done."