#ryan mainiard

[jasonhackwith]

INTO THE FLAME I have gone, and I am not the same

The year was 1997.

The time was pretty bright for me. I was playing with a remarkable little band with fantastic guitarist (and guitar collector) Jasen Hecker and an amazing songwriter by the name of Ryan Mainard. We had big dreams. I was greatly inspired by Ryan’s excellent songwriting, and I wanted to write an epic song about an epic idea.

At that point, I had just begun working on a book that would eventually become Seven Dangerous Prayers. I was haunted by a single idea day and night: would I dare to ask God to do whatever He needed to do to refine me into the person He wanted me to be? Would I be so bold as to dare to ask Him to place my heart into the flame of his forge so that the dross could be burned away? Did I have the audacity to ask Him to be purify me and sanctify me, no matter what it took, no matter what I had to go through? Did I dare not to dare?

The idea enthralled me. I just couldn’t get it out of my head. In 1998 I wrote a song about it with that fledgling band called INTO THE FLAME (listen/download above), launched a website called intotheflame.com, and began my first tentative steps in working these prayers out in my life and the lives of those around me.

As I dove deeper into the Word, I found six other distinct concepts behind major periods of refreshing and renewal in my life. These seven concepts led me to seven Greek and seven Hebrew words that embodied each concept, and as I studied out each concept behind the prayers, I was amazed how these phenomenonally dangerous ideas were found everywhere, in every book of the Bible.

I became convinced that God longs for a profound intimacy with us. I also learned the hard way not to take these prayers lightly. These are not the “now I lay me down to sleep” kind of prayers. Nor are these prayers—or any other kind of prayer for that matter—some kind of magic spell or ritual that can get God to do what you want. No prayer ever has any power apart from God. That being said, let me be clear. These prayers, and the life-changing concepts behind them, are indeed dangerous for one reason: God is dangerous. God is so loving, He is so very good; yet God is dangerous because any real encounter with Him will leave us forever changed.

"Therefore I tell you, the kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a people producing its fruits. And the one who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces; and when it falls on anyone, it will crush him."  -- Matthew 21:43–44

We have two choices, Christ is saying here: fall on Him and be broken, or remain apart from God and ultimately be crushed at the end of the age by the inexorable fact of that Presence. Jesus is speaking here of “the stone that the builders rejected” (Psalm 118:22, Matthew 21:42), the very kingdom of God, the stone that breaks or crushes. Here is a mystery to ponder: if God is truly unchanging (Malachi 3:6), simply being in His presence will change us, just as a diamond scratches all softer stones. As one of my favorite authors, Richard J. Foster, has said, ”To pray is to change.”

When I first started on this journey, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. When I first dared to pray the Prayer of Tears, for example, I was utterly naive about just how terribly different God’s compassion was from my own. I was a complete mess for weeks. I couldn’t even look at anyone without tears welling up in my eyes. My heart was so broken for everyone I met. But that bottomless well of tears was glorious because layers of callous indifference were shattered right along with my heart.

In time God brought balance to my emotions, but the overwhelming surge of compassion and empathy He poured into me had done its work. Before I dared to pray dangerously, I knew vaguely that He loves us, that He has compassion on us. When I dared to pray the Prayer of Tears, however, for the first time I really knew what it was like to have God’s heart for others. I didn’t just know how much He loved me and the people around me, I actually had some of that profound love for others. He immediately manifested himself in this: forgiveness which had before seemed utterly impossible that suddenly was easy and freeing. My love is terribly imperfect and I am daily learning more about His perfect love, but I would never go back to the way I was before.

When I moved to the Lewis-Clark Valley after college, I also began compiling some of my poetry in an anthological work that would eventually become the river Beautiful. I worked on both books off and on for years, but for far too many tedious reasons to list here, getting either one finished seemed utterly impossible. Despite the thousands of hours I had put into Seven Dangerous Prayers, I began feeling more and more strongly that I needed to finish this work of poetry and song lyrics first. At first I rejected the idea, thinking that perhaps I was just being egotistical. Surely the countless hours and all the Bible studies I had done were more important?

Then a counselor friend of mine, Rod Myklebust, made a comment to me one day that really shook me up. I prayed with Rod, and then he told me that he felt that maybe Seven Dangerous Prayers was just for me right now, not for anyone else yet, that I should pray through it to see where God was leading.

To be honest I was pretty devastated, especially with that coming from Rod, whose opinion means the world to me. I know Rod never meant it, but I got stuck on the thought that I had wasted most of my life, working on a book that was just for my own edification, not for anyone else’s. The black depression which followed was utterly crushing.

Lindsay and I had moved out of the Lewis-Clark Valley chasing teaching jobs in the North Cascades and the Oregon coast. I ended up getting injured pretty severely with a torn left bicep and torn rotator cuff. We eventually ran out of money and moved back to the Lewis-Clark Valley to regroup, but my depression and anxiety were worse than ever. I finally reached out and got medical help and counseling and have been slowly climbing out my present darkness, day by day.

I never thought myself a man of prayer, yet somehow I find that I have become one. It didn’t happen overnight, and it certainly hasn’t been easy. Between health problems, depression and anxiety these past seven years especially have been the hardest of my entire life. It is only through the faithful prayers of so many that I am alive today.

Brennan Manning, the beloved vagabond evangelist who transformed my life, said it best: “The Word we study must be the Word we pray” (The Ragamuffin Gospel, pg. 45). True, effective prayer is always founded and grounded in God’s Word. I dug into the Word again and kept on praying. I slowly began to see a little more clearly, and then one day God brought me completely up short with several sudden realizations:

Both books I had been working on for decades had seven chapters;

Each chapter in the river Beautiful corresponded perfectly with one of the seven dangerous prayers; and

It turns out that all the time I had been writing two books, I was really only writing one. I will release the Seven Dangerous Prayers Bible study in a year or so when it feels right, but for now, I finally know that this is what I’m supposed to do.

As soon as I came to that realization, I finally found peace with finishing the work. It makes sense for me not to just tell you how dangerous prayers have transformed my life, but to show you exactly how I have changed through my poetry and prose and illustrations. Since I finally figured out what I was supposed to do, this work has progressed smoothly and peacefully. It’s so very nice to have such a wise Editor.

I’m releasing a new signature design today entitled “NIL NISI CRUCE: “Firestorm” in the INTO THE FLAME store. All proceeds go towards supporting publication costs for the book.