#same time lmfao like who could've fucking prepared for all of their fixations to die unnaturally and simultaneously

[masonscig]

i know i’ve posted this a lot before, but i actually think my time in this fandom and on this blog is pretty much done :/ (rambling and feelings under the cut ew)

i’ve finally gotten to a place where i should be happy and i’m anything but :/ i have a job at a place that’s good for me on paper, i finally moved in with my boyfriend, i am financially comfortable and physically in a place where i feel safer and more comfortable. i’ve had nearly two months to adjust and i don’t feel any less depressed than i’ve been for literal years (and it’s my fault)

i feel like i’m lost and i’m stuck and the only things that distracted me are now like. nothing to me anymore and that’s so stupid to act like a literal tumblr account is a burden but at this point? it really feels like it lmao. i feel like i don’t fit in here and i shouldn’t be here and the friendships i’ve made might mean more to me than they actually are (and this is no one’s fault but my own). i miss writing and being creative and engaging with people and making friends and feeling good about myself i guess

it’s so frustrating because i spent the past two ish years throwing myself into choices, litg, and interactive fiction fandom to combat irl shit (which, surprise, i’ve never recovered from) and that same place is a place i dread logging onto because i don’t feel like i’m a part of anything anymore

idk! this shouldn’t be this long but i don’t have a therapist and i’m tired of being exhausted and unhappy all the time. (so instead of being a normal person who’d.. idk.. reengage with things and try to make friends and create again, i’m just leaving)

i also shouldn’t be upset that people are moving on and having fun without me while i’m struggling, bc again that’s completely on me, but i am! and i don’t think i should make it everyone’s problem so i’m just gonna go for now