#san pang x lili

[chicademartinica]

Episode 07 screams count :

Internal screaming : 33 minutes and 17 seconds.

Actual scream 1: YOU ARE ASKING HIM NOW ??!!

Actual scream 2 : Oh they are DATING DATING.

Actual scream 3: goddam tie folded and placed in his heart pocket.

[conscbgb]

Allergies and minor injuries...you know... 🤣😆

[respectthepetty]

Qian called Yuan.

Qian called Yuan.

Qian sat on the stairs (with that effing red thread connecting them!) in his light color, and stared at all the unanswered texts Yuan had sent him for every holiday, and HE HIT THE CALL BUTTON!

Yuan still talks to Lili regularly. He even speaks to San Pang. And both of them know how much Qian cares about Yuan. Lili is surprised Qian has the magazines with her in it because Qian always seems to only care about Yuan. San Pang lectures Qian and tells him to care about Lili too. San Pang directly states that he should've let Yuan stay.

There is so much to show that Qian misses Yuan. Qian is sad that Yuan is gone. Qian needs Yuan. So he calls Yuan AND HANGS UP! But Yuan immediately calls back.

Qian doesn't even say anything when he picks up the phone. Yuan questions if it is really Qian. "Hello? Qian? (brother?)" and all he gets in reply is a simply "mmm" but while Yuan is in shock, although it seems like Qian is upset, his eyes are closed as if he is being soothed by Yuan's voice.

Qian didn't even realize it was his birthday until Yuan said it!

Which makes him break.

He says thanks. He asks Yuan how he's been. He mentions he has read Yuan's texts.

He barely answers Yuan's questions, but he answers them which he hasn't even done for Lili and San Pang.

And Qian is the one to ask if there is anything else Yuan wants to say, and when Yuan says no, Qian ends the call.

With his eyes closed.

Qian wanted Yuan to say he missed home. That he missed him. Because Qian missed Yuan, which is why he called him. Which is why he has been cleaning his room. Which is why he goes to sit in Yuan's bed after he ends the call.

All so he could finally say what he has wanted to say since he sent Yuan away - "Come back if you miss home"

Come back if you miss ME.

Because I miss you.

And the way realization sweeps over Qian as he slowly recognizes the person in front of him is Yuan

That the person next to him is Yuan

It's impeccable because Qian calling Yuan exposed him. He wanted this! He wanted Yuan there! But it's no longer the way it was before.

They aren't in their own little world anymore.

Yuan, in the past, confessed that he liked Qian, and Qian calling Yuan showed that he missed him, so Yuan came home. Yuan came back to Qian.

But Yuan still walked out of the room, leaving Qian alone.

Qian left Yuan that black bracelet. Qian called Yuan but hung up. Qian told Yuan to come back to him by telling him he could home. Yuan still texts Qian to remind him he is there because that bracelet gave him hope. Yuan didn't call Qian until Qian called him. Yuan didn't come back home until Qian told him to come back home. He learned his lesson from his confession. Yuan won't move until Qian makes the move.

And Qian wants Yuan, but he hasn't fully committed to acknowledging it. Qian has skirted around it each time leaving everyone else to pick up where he gets stuck.

But Yuan can't let that continue. Qian left the bracelet. Qian made the call. Qian told Yuan he could come home. Yuan won't move until Qian moves, so Yuan won't move until Qian answers the question.

"Do you have feelings for Yuan too?"

Sidenote: I love that Lili texted San Pang to figure out where they were (and she is in San Pang's phone with hearts!), so Yuan could go get Qian (sibling shenanigans), and that San Pang sat up when her text came through so he could send her a voice note since he was too drunk to text but knew he needed to answer (that's couple behavior!).

I also loved how Lili argued with Yuan about teasing her over another guy since it's clear she is in a relationship with San Pang, and how San Pang took Lili to the night market since Qian was too drunk because Qian even told Lili that San Pang would treat her to a nice meal since he wasn't home when she arrived.

Qian brought Lili and San Pang together. They had to look after him once Yuan was sent away. They had to be the light in Qian's dark world. He is the reason they fell in love.

And he doesn't even realize it.

Excellent.

[dykealloy]

this man is. embarrassingly transparent

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Unknown, Ep 11: To Grow Taller

Alright y’all, I just want to say that I am not super thrilled with how Episode 11 went. I felt like they completely obliterated the emotional build up to the change over after they did such a great job of navigating it in Episode 10. 

So as much as there were some lovely images of hands, I’m not that interested in writing about it. So it is time, it is time to do the thing I should have done long ago. 

It is time to write about Lili and San Pang. 

Hands down my favorite part of this episode (and probably one of my favorite scenes of the series) was seeing the two of them interact, of seeing more of Lili’s inner workings, of understanding that she knows more than she lets on. I loved Yuan telling Qian that Lili is smart, and I loved the proud little smile Qian had when he heard that. 

The most important scene in this episode, to me, starts with the height wall. That thing has been causing me psychic damage since episode one. It pans down to Lili. I like how long the camera lingers on her eyes. Lili has seen everything that has happened in their lives and she’s been spared from a lot of the violence, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t beared witness to it. 

I was really struck by her words to San Pang: 

“When we were little, Qian was always there to help us with everything we did. He would measure our height every year. I always wondered when I could grow taller than him. Then I could protect him.” 

I know we have seen Lili constantly take a back seat in this story. We have seen her even acknowledge Qian’s focus on Yuan multiple times throughout the show. We don’t see her doing as much for Qian as Yuan does. She doesn’t know how to wrap up leftovers, she’s not a great cook, she doesn’t try to pay the household bills. But that’s because she loves Qian like a sister does, she’s got a secure position in the household, she’s not trying to be Qian’s partner, and it is a testament to Qian’s love for Lili that she does not know how to do some of the basic life things, because it means that she’s been so well taken care of she hasn’t been forced to learn.

There are all these little elements scattered across the series that show Qian’s love for Lili. The picture on his desk at home is of him, Yuan, and Lili at Qian’s graduation. He has the magazine she’s featured in on display. He immediately softens on his anger towards her relationship with San Pang when she asks him to go on a family vacation. 

She has seen how much Qian has suffered, and she loves Qian enough to want to shield him from any more harm. 

And San Pang is so lovely in this scene, with his head resting on the stair railing, a sleepy look of love on his face as he stares at Lili. I love the way San Pang smiles to himself when she tells him this. Because Qian is family to San Pang and San Pang is family to Qian. San Pang loves Qian and wants what is best for him always. And I do think there is a difference there between the soft, dreamy, comfortable expression he has when looking at the woman he loves, and the small smile that lights up his eyes at the thought of Lili loving her brother enough to want to protect him.

Lili’s face is serious, and she does not always look in San Pang’s direction when she talks:  

“Even though he is a few years older than us, his hands are always covered in scars and calluses.” Lili tells the ground. It’s interesting to me to see when she is comfortable enough reviving a memory to look San Pang in the eyes because she doesn’t do so until partway through her hand cream story:

“One year, I took the hand cream my classmates gave me” she looks at San Pang “and rubbed it on his hands at midnight.”

The camera cuts to San Pang who is listening to Lili absolutely enraptured by her. And I do have to commend the show for how they have navigated Lili and San Pang’s relationship change. In very few frames, with little fanfare or flare they have made San Pang and Lili’s relationship clear, understandable, and believable. We’ve had like, two minutes of them together up through now, and all I need to believe these two will be together forever is all in the way that San Pang looks at Lili. That man is not only head over heels in love with Xiao Bao, he’s ass over tea kettle in love with her as well. 

“He scolded me for it. Do you know why?”

“I do.” San Pang says with a smile. And I love that because we remember that San Pang and Qian have grown up together. San Pang has been helping take care of Qian and the rest of the family for years. You know in the way that San Pang smiles that he is remembering Qian as a young man complaining about Lili lotioning his hands in the middle of the night. Hell, I can picture Qian’s rant right now. “Because it smelled like roses.”

Lili laughs and covers her face in embarrassment. “That’s right.”  

But like a lot of scenes in this show, the transition from lighthearted to more serious changes on a dime. Lili’s face slips back in to a frown as she turns over a thought. “Nobody cares about Qian.”

And this is what it feels like sometimes, with how stubborn Qian is, with how much weight he wants to carry for himself, with how much debt he owes to the likes of Le, Xiong, and San Pang. But they don’t expect repayment, they did this because they care about Qian. San Pang has helped Qian weather many many storms. He has pushed when Qian needed pushing, he has pulled when Qian needed to be held back. 

“Yes, they do. We all love your brother.” 

Qian has so much love in his life, if only he stopped long enough to see it. If only he let go long enough to feel it. I was not thrilled with how they fumbled so much of the emotional weight of Qian and Yuan getting together in this episode, but I am glad the show took time to highlight how much they all love Qian and to show the audience that they want to protect Qian just as much as Qian wants to protect the rest of them. 

All this to say San Pang and Lili work incredibly well together as a couple, and I’m so happy that we got to have this little moment between them, both to breathe a bit more life in to their relationship and to remind us all that Yuan is right. Lili is not as naive as she seems.

__

All gifs by the lovely, wonderful, marvelous @wanderlust-in-my-soul. THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE THE BEST <3

[threezoz]

wei qian really went and raised two people who, when faced with a responsible adult who loves them unconditionally, immediately went "THAT'S MY FUTURE HUSBAND ACTUALLY" and honestly it's pretty fucking baller of him.

[ibreathhere]

I cant belive its over, ive watvhed the three episode back to back so i cant process everything, im just glad they love each other and have a support system.

[brazilian-whalien52]

I think one part that I loved about Unknown and that to some may be hard to digest is that the show does not let us forget that they are a family. They don't ignore this in favor of being easy to digest. No. They show us Yuan and Qian building a romantic relationship together and how this is a change from their past relationship but also how those years of familiar care are not erased. In fact, a lot of the times the show play a game of what is "platonic" x "romantic" gestures of care and the answer is a lot of times in the way we read and perceive it. For example, the massage that Yuan gives Qian is an act of care that shows his love, in the same way Lili also does it. The intention in both cases is actually the same "alleviate the pain of a loved one". It is a gesture that I can even see San Pang doing if he knows will help Qian. I mean hell, this got me thinking about this smalls acts of service and realize this is something I did for my parents, brother, friends and lovers. It is not fundamentally a romantic gesture, but a gesture of love and care.

[moonlightjeno]

𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 :: san x reader

𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚 :: angst, fluff ??

𝙬𝙤𝙧���� 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩 :: 2k

𝙖/𝙣 :: i’m not dead. this was actually gonna be a lot sadder than it actually is. and hey i’m writing for ateez now. kinda? idk man inspiration. any ways, i’m still kinda in a hiatus of sorts andi wrote this in the span of like an hour because a. san and b. i’m in an angsty mood. this is not proofread. 

[ 6:09 pm ]

the dirt is still wet from what seemed to be a never-ending thunderstorm. The booms are a constant echo in your mind, that separates you from the rest of the world. When you look at the ground, a single flower greets you, the lilies white petals the only white in the dark and clouded day. Even it’s the stem, usually green seemed dull compared to the pureness of the white flower. The stone that stands behind it manages to clench at your heart, and you can feel your hands curl around the soil. Fingernails covered in dirt, that you would worry about later. It takes three breaths, for you to look up, and the coming sun causes an almost rainbow in front of the grey cobblestone. 

The words seem to get stuck in your throat, you can feel them, a jumble of thoughts and emotions that you have pushed back for almost a year now, threatening to spill and tumble out of your mouth. But every time you open your mouth, no words leave, instead, the water that rims your eyes begins to spill down your cheeks. The water droplets are salty as they land in your mouth and into the soil, creating a pitter-patter on your hand. Breathe in, breathe out. The lily in your hand seems to stare back at you, the symbolism of it making your heart clench with each breathe, and you know that you can’t breathe the words that can’t get out and block any air into your lungs until a sob rips from your throat. 

Pit, pat, pit, pat. Pitpatpitpatpitpat. And breathe. 

It’s too much, the memories that flood you. His dimpled smile, and childlike behavior. It’s too much how anytime you laugh, you think that you don’t deserve it because you were supposed to be laughing with him. You were supposed to hear his squeals and feel his arms wrapped around you in a never ensign bear hug. You were supposed to get more time, more time to share your love, more time to know him, more time. 

Time. the one thing that is limited in this world, the thing that we can never promise each other, but make the most out of.  And you know this, you know that every time you visit the grey headstone, every time that you’ve tried to make it to where you are now your feet are no longer in your control, you are detached from the world and the world seems so far. So far that you are longer part of it, you know that you are in it but the words the sounds around you are all muffled never clear. You know that you are alive only by the beating of your heart and the constant breaths that leave your body, and the never-ending ache in your heart. They’d all visited him. Every single one of his members, it had all happened to fast for you to process one moment he was net to you, the next he was gone. The only thing you had left were the memories, like a shard of glass. Glimpses into a life, that were now broken. Though beautiful, and capturing everything you loved, but sharp and ready to cut you. The instinct to lock the memories up is instant, it’s what you’ve done for the past year shove the memories, every laugh and smile that you’d never have again to that place in your mind that you’d never reach. But this time, this time you breathe again. 

“I…” the tears rush forwards again, their warmth a weird sense of comfort, and then a small smile grazes your face when you take out the old camera the last tape you’d recorded of san on it. 

Breathe in. breathe out. 

“I… there’s… it’s so much” you start. The video is playing over and over again, the clips lasts exactly 22 seconds. You know because you’ve counted them, you know because you can’t remember the number of times you’ve watched the clip of his smile shining above everything else. You start again and this time there seems to be no end. “When you left, i didn’t understand. Why? Why out of anyone did you have to leave me? So many people have left, so many have passed and gone, except you. It had always been me and you, san. No matter what, that was always the plan” you smile, the memory of the two you when you had met for the first time fresh in your mind. 

The lock that you’d latched onto the memories, open and the flood came. It’s a rush you realize now that you’ve finally let yourself let go on the tight lock of emotions. “Damn it.” it’s almost a yell, but it doesn’t reach very far, before you can’t breathe again the salt in your mouth making it dry.  “It was supposed to be us, to forever. But I guess that’s what everyone thinks when they lose the person they loved the most, don’t they san?”  you can’t help but ask him, willing that maybe he’ll materialize next to you, a dimpled smile directed in your direction, and if you close your eyes and think hard enough, you can hear the filter of his laugh. Wooyoung and Seonghwa talking in the background as san cracks a bad joke, when you open your eyes you see him in the old black and white camera. Looking at you, with those eyes that held the world. And you’d know what he’d say,  hoe there was no point in dwelling in the past luv, to just focus on now, on all the happy things on the bright spots you have in your life. And you did, you shut your eyes, a grim smile on your face as you clutched the old camera close to your chest, forehead resting against the cool surface of the cobblestone. If you opened your eyes you would have seen the engravings, on the tombstone. 

CHOI SAN

THE TRUEST FRIEND ONE COULD HAVE

1999  - 2021

“I miss you. I miss your laugh, i miss you dragging me on random adventures at two in the morning with wooyoung because you two were hungry. I miss going to sleep, only to wake up with your arms around me. I miss how no matter how long of a day you’d had you’d always have a smile on your face, and be ready to be there and be you. There are so many things i miss, so many things i would take back if i knew, if i just knew that you’d be gone. And i sure as hell hope they’re treating you well where you are, or i might just have to go fight them myself” and you almost swear you could have heard the faint chuckle of your best friend, from somewhere but when you open your eyes for a second you don’t see him, but it’s as if you know he’s there listening somehow. “It’s been a year. You know the moment the beep paused at the end of the line I was almost sure I was dying with you. But I am still here, and you’re not. I was going to play this video for you, the members helped me make it, it’s a compilation of all the times you’d made us mad only for then for us to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. But the moment i opened the camera, this video of you plays. It’s at one of you’re rehearsals, a dance practice for a competition, I can’t really remember which one, you guys went to so many. But this one in particular, was the first time you sang. You were scared, you kept asking me and the rest of the team ‘what if the public doesn’t like my voice? What if i break? What i a forget the lyrics?’ ” it was also the day you realized you’d fallen in love your best friend. And you knew the tears were threatening to come again, but you found your words again, the rainbow seemed to dance in front of you, it’s different colors and bright light. 

“You killed it though. I knew you would, wooyoung even made a bet about it. But that’s not it. I look at this video, and you look so happy san. Your eyes whole the world, the dance in the light and seem to captivate everyone and everything. And i can barely keep focused for more than five seconds before i start to break down again” the last words come out almost as a choke, but the ease on your lungs seems to have softened. And the pitter-patter has slowed down, your hands are no longer clenched together and your heartaches even if just a little, but it’s less. The video continuous to play on its a never-ending loop, and the lily seems to be blooming a little brighter than when you had first arrived. The wet soil, is still cool against your knees but it’s become somewhat familiar, the grey cobblestone you can finally read. The engraving still pangs you hear, it still makes you want to scream and rip something to shreds because at times you can’t believe that he isn’t here anymore, and then the never-ending pain becomes a little warmer with every note he sings, and every giggle you hear over and over again. Until it’s the only thing you hear, and you can breathe again. 

Death. No longer by your side, the moment the white machine from the overly white hospital bed beeped monotone. Dead, but not always gone, the memories stored in the box of memories you have never being able to be separated from pain and joy. The never-ending mixture of both emotions, and so many more that you don’t think you’ll ever be able to truly filter out, or get a grasp of. It’s times when those two hit you so hard, and the memory of his smile stops your breathing when it feels like nothing will ever go back to normal, and you know that it never will. But you think you can create a new type of normal, one with that box of memories not shut away but next to you the mix of emotions always swirling, and you ready to take them on. It’s when you feel the tap of the shoulder, and turn to face seven other boys, that the weight of the memories and everything that is san seems to loosen a becomes happier. Because you know that he will always be there, always be with you in your memories even if they hold pain because the pain comes from the love and joy those memories hold. In time, you hope, in time, maybe you can breathe again. In time.

[conscbgb]

I'm gonna stay here for a little more...because when the hype of these 3 episodes will go down I know it's the moment I realize that starting next week no more Unknown...ahhh! Damn...

[respectthepetty]

I already wrote this, but I'm not moving past it.

Qian does not hug Lili.

Qian corrected San Pang by telling him that he didn't hold Yuan but that Yuan held him.

My man is not a touchy-feely guy. He does not like touching people. He does not like talking about his emotions. He does quick pats and exits. He gives short answers and bounces.

But when it really comes down to it . . .

When it comes to Yuan . . .

He's different.

This is what the light x dark color dynamic is for and seeing Qian be lighter for Yuan is sending me into a frenzy.