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cycian · 7 months

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Sarah and Constellation build the Armillary and prepare for the Unity. At the last minute, Andreja desperately begs Sarah not to go

I love angst so much. I also love giving angst happy endings. Teehee. 3k words under the cut:

Ad Astra, ya amar

It had been a moment a long time in the making. No expense had been spared. Credits poured into the project, hours turned into days, then months, until the year had passed them by. Nothing had been left to chance. No question left unanswered.

Andreja set the final slate on her desk, letting the tip of her pen rest against the slate as she signed her name for the last time in this cycle. She unsheathed her blade, testing its weight in her palm. Her eyes closed. A long breath out of her chest. It was time.

She opened the door. It was eerie, how one tended to linger on details as they prepared to leave a place, never to return. The floorboard that always creaked. It had irked Andreja to no end, but now, she was glad that Walter never had it fixed. She let her foot rest against the wood, pressing down, letting its creak echo.

Her steps took her to Sarah’s bedroom. Inside, she heard the Chair rummage around her desk. Andreja leant against the wall, her eyes drifting to Noel’s bedroom.

Last night had been hard. They had made their choice long ago. A year and seven months ago, precisely. Everyone knew that there would come a time to bid each other farewell as the Unity beckoned. But for some reason, it had hit them collectively last night. Silence had hung heavy in the bar as outrageously expensive beverages were brought forth. Tears and liquors alike had been split, but none took it as hard as Noel. The poor scientist had laughed through her sobs during almost the entirety of the evening. As they had parted for the night, those that would remain in this Universe had chosen to remain awake whilst Andreja, Barrett, Sam, Sarah, Cora and the Silent Spacefarer prepared for their final journey together.

Noel had crushed Andreja in a desperate hug.

Even in the early morning’s quietness, Andreja could hear muffled sniffles on the other side of the door. She swore to herself that no matter what universe she would end up in, she would put a smile on every Noel’s face.

The door opened.

“There you are.” Sarah breathed out. Andreja raised her eyebrows, but still accepted her beloved’s embrace. She let her arms wrap around Sarah as the older woman buried her face in her neck. “I know you wouldn’t get cold feet but…”

“I am here.” Andreja tightened her hold. One last morning. No matter how hard she tried, the clock kept ticking in her head. Two hours and seven minutes until departure. Two hours and seven minutes of her love, until infinity tore them apart.

“I’ll find you,” Sarah entangled herself from Andreja, remaining in her arms as she tucked a stray stand of hair behind Andreja’s ear. She let her palm linger on her cheek, gently cupping it. “Wherever I end up, all my paths lead to you.”

Andreja closed her eyes, feeling a forlorn tear tug apart the seams of her heart. She would love to believe Sarah—or more accurately, she believed that Sarah believed in her words. But there was a difference between what one wants and what one gets.

“I know,” She lied. “And mine, to you. Always.” Andreja brought her forehead to Sarah’s letting silence overtake them.

What could she say that she had not said a thousand times before? She had told her that she loved her more than the grass loved the sun, that she loved her with the same loyalty as the waves love the sand and the pull of gravity. There was not a secret that remained, none that had not been bared in quiet nights of contemplation, when the tongue loosens and painful truths slip out.

Actually, one secret. One so hideous and vile that Andreja had not even realized that such sentiment had grown.

She did not want her to go.

“Sarah?”

Her bondmate hummed, her green eyes flitting open. How soft it is, how comforting it is, to be beheld by eyes that hold nothing but love and affection.

“Sarah, promise me that when we start up the Armillary, you will not look back at me.” Andreja felt a tight knot restrain her breathing. Her face started to burn and she felt the edges of her eyes starting to water. She tried to bring Sarah closer to her again, to hide her lopsided smile that was quickly turning into a pained grimace, to shelter her from the doubts that had started to overtake her.

Sarah braced her hands against Andreja’s chest, keeping herself far enough to see her face.

“Why would you ask me that?”

Andreja closed her eyes, her teeth gritting despite her best effort.

“Because I love you. Please, I need this to be able to… depart in peace.” Andreja hated herself. She was not a liar, but love had ways of puppeteering those enthralled by sparkling green eyes. She would never know peace without her Sarah.

“My love, if we need to postpone, you can tell me right now. I’ll even say that it’s my idea, alright? This is too big for you to go in unwilling.” One of Sarah’s hands splayed over the small of her back, the other cradled her cheek, her thumb rubbing comforting circles.

“I have no doubts and am willing. We are explorers. It’s who we are. Come on, there are worlds to conquer!”

Vladimir nearly crushed her. Andreja was certain that one of her ribs had been bruised, but she would never complain. Sona had brought them drawings to hang around the ship. Issa and Walter presented them with their portraits.

They would hang tall upon the wall of the Lodge, they would welcome those that would follow in the trails that they blazed.

Matteo had offered to honor an Old Earth tradition. None of them would be marked as ‘dead’ in Constellation’s records.

‘Out Exploring.’

One by one, they pressed the buttons on the Lodge’s central console, watching as their statuses changed for the last time, the background on their pictures changing from the Lodge’s garden to a sea of stars.

“I’m leaving my hat. Take good care of it, Noel. Only Sona gets to wear it, when she’s old enough to fly Auntie Sarah and Tata ‘Dreja’s ship.” Sam declared as he set down his coat on the coatrack.

“You can have my jacket. Don’t wash it without taking out my bottle of perfume. I left it in the breast pocket, in case any of you crave the good ole eau-de-Barrett.” Barrett said, hanging his coat.

Andreja stepped forward, unfurling the cloth wrapped around her arm. She examined the symbols, letting her hand travel against the leather. Once again, she would leave her home behind, with no way back. She closed her eyes, bringing the cloth close to her face as she whispered a quick prayer.

“Andreja, you really don’t have to, I know it has heavy meaning in your religion.” Matteo said.

“But I want to. I leave behind my fighting arm’s wrapping and my favorite blade. May it serve you well, shall anyone attempt to harm Constellation.” Although her blade and garb were hardly heavy, in that moment, they felt heavy as lead as she set them down.

She took a step back, watching as Sarah approached, before taking off her red leather jacket. She let her thumb brush over the Constellation patch. She hung it, retrieving a recorder from its pocket before addressing the room.

She pressed the button and though her shoulders seemed to sag with the weight of the legacy that they were leaving behind, hanging behind ‘Out Exploring’ statuses and clothes that they would not return for, she spoke with a clear and steady voice.

“We are explorers. We ride on solar winds, we land on distant planets and learn of its ecosystem. We are scientists. We are explorers.” Andreja heard Noel sniffle and Matteo drop a comforting word in her ear. “We venture forth into dangerous territory, we let our voices talk before our guns. We are unlikely diplomats. We are explorers.” Barrett chuckled under his breath, saying that he’d love to add ‘unlikely diplomat’ to his resume. “We never back down in the face of adversity, from within or outside. We are warriors. We are explorers.” Sam nodded his head, holding his daughter’s hand. “We do not run from our pasts, we run forward and into the unknown. We are brave—we are free. We are explorers.”

Andreja let her hand be taken into Vladimir’s and they both pretended that their palms were not sweaty.

“We do not doubt the importance of our cause and give it everything we have. We are visionaries. We are explorers.” Issa elbowed Walter as he dabbed his eyes. “We are lost in the sea of stars and found in what we believe in most. We are Starborn.” The Silent Spacefarer nodded.

“We are those that ask questions, never fearing the answer nor silence. We are dreamers. We are explorers.” Matteo tapped his chest, his head bowed.

Sarah remained silent a moment, before Barrett broke the silence.

“I know you aren’t one to sing your own praises, but surely, you’re missing someone here, Chairwoman.”

Andreja stepped forward, her eyes never leaving Sarah. Public speaking was a hundred times more terrifying to Andreja than facing a terrormorph. But for Sarah, it was worth it.

“We believe in the best of ourselves and others—we never stray from our course. We are leaders. We are explorers.” Andreja added, smiling at her love whose eyes had started filling up with tears. Andreja stepped back as Sarah Morgan drew in a long breath, before speaking again.

“We are explorers. We are a family. We are Constellation. If you are listening to this, you are now one of us. Heed the words of those that have come before. May they keep you safe as you venture forth, with the knowledge that you never walk alone. Sarah Morgan, Chair of Constellation, signing off. Ad astra.”

Sarah Morgan left behind that recording in the shaking hands of the new Chair of Constellation, one Vladimir Sall. The giant of a man had the shoes of a colossus to fill.

One last glance at the coatrack. One last farewell. One last round of embraces and pretending that none of them were crying. Andreja even pretended not to cry as she ruffled Sona’s hair, leaving her with the biometrics to their ship.

Although they had all boarded the Frontier too many times to count, this time, the ship felt foreign to Andreja. No cups were piled in the sink for Andreja and Sarah to complain about. No textbooks were strewn for the young Coe.

They all left for their respective tasks. They operated in religious silence.

Andreja let her feet take her to Sarah after checking that all security systems were optimal. It didn’t matter—where they were going, no one was going to attempt to hack their systems.

“This is it, eh?” Sarah Morgan’s hands left the starmap, wrapping themselves around her bare arms.

Andreja nodded, her eyes drifting to the Armillary. She closed her eyes, only to find Sarah much closer than she had been before. She let her eyes devour her lover. The silver hair that kissed the gold, the soft smile that had brought back Andreja from her darkest thoughts. The eyes, hugged by crows’ nest, the slithered laugh lines of a life lived with mirth and pain alike. Those eyes that had shed tears for those that would not be returning from Cassiopeia, those eyes that wrinkled in joy for the one that did.

Her hands wrapped around her neck, bringing Andreja down to her height, to meet her eye-to-eye. Those hands that had pummeled spacers to their deaths, fired the trigger that sent Tomisar to atone to the Great Serpent, so that Andreja would not have to end her one connection to her home herself. Sarah had carried the weight of that death on her conscience so that Andreja could sleep.

“I will never be able to sleep again.” The words had slipped out without Andreja noticing.

“And I don’t think I’ll smile again, until I find you.” Sarah said. Oh, it was so like her Commander to venture forth with a goal that could never be met. A lost soul pitted against impossible odds, a lone ship in a merciless war, weaving between the wreckage to find salvation.

“Then don’t lose me.” Andreja whispered. This time, there was no helping it. No amount of practiced breathing exercises could keep the tears at bay, as one rolled down her cheek.

“Andreja, my love,” Sarah tilted her chin, one finger pushing away the tear. Her lips covered hers. “This is who we are. You know that someday, one of us will give in. This door cannot be closed.”

“I know. I know. Is it just…” Andreja tried to take a step back, but Sarah did not let her, her green eyes imploring her not to shut her out. “For once—for once, could I be selfish?”

Sarah heaved a pained breath as her fingers danced on Andreja’s skin.

“You can leave the ship,” Her voice was strained, her breathing uneven. “You don’t have to do this. Constellation will always be your home.”

“You are my home, Sarah. I do not want to lose you—to lose us, to lose Constellation.” Andreja gritted her teeth. She had only begun to feel home, yet it was torn away from her. Much too soon. “Do not do this to me, please.”

“I feel like my heart’s been ripped out of my body.” Sarah winced, her hands wrapping themselves in Andreja’s garb and pulling tight. “I cannot force you to do this, I love you too much. But if we are to cross this Last Frontier, I need to know that there’s a chance, however small, that you’ll be there.”

“What if I am not? What if we are to lose each other?”

“Then I’ll cross that goddamn bridge across the blackest sea as many times as it takes for me to find you again. If it takes eternity, then so be it. But I’m not leaving you behind, Andreja. I just… I can’t just let Barrett, Sam and Cora take that step without being with them. This isn’t goodbyes, Andreja. The lives we lead…” Sarah’s thumb brushed over a scar that draped across Andreja’s shoulder. A nasty burn left from a Crimson Fleet attack. “We have more chances of making it out alive by stepping through the Unity than by staying here. My love, we were never going to die of old age.”

“Would it be so unsufferable? To see me gray, to have our wrinkled hands wrapped around each other while we watch the Aceles grow? Am I not worth staving off eternity?” Andreja spoke, before sighing and letting the heat dissipate from her head. “I am sorry. I know that you love me. And because I love you, I cannot stop you. I will go through with you.”

The grav drive’s hum filled the air as Sarah Morgan descended from her ship. She ran past the UC guards, not stopping as she heard Nyssa call out her name. She threw herself on the NAT, not caring about the curious looks the passengers shot to the woman who was all but heaving and shakily holding onto the door for support.

She ran past the gardens, vaulting past the tall trees (had they always been this big?), dashing over bushes and colliding with a bench that she swore had never been there in the first place. She ignored the bench’s occupant squeal as she ran forward. She threw open the door to the Lodge, all but collapsing into the entryway.

“Who’s there?” A familiar voice called out. Sarah lifted her head, only to meet Noel’s eyes. Sarah was thankful that she was already on the floor, for she felt her knees give out. A few streaks of gray colored the edges of her dreadlocks that reached around her shoulders.

The scientist gasped, her data slate clattering to the floor as she dropped to the ground, her arms wrapping themselves around Sarah.

“Oh my god, you’re here! I never thought that I’d—I mean I figured but you know it’s hard to predict—and with all that happened and the data and—”

Sarah chuckled as her hands firmly gripped Noel’s shoulders, shaking gently. “Easy there, girl, breathe. You’ll give yourself a heart attack.”

Noel rolled her eyes, despite the tears that rolled down her cheeks. “Heard that one before.”

“Andreja… Is she?”

“Upstairs, but—”

Noel watched with a disbelieving sigh as Sarah Morgan jumped to her feet and ran upstairs.

No one in Andreja’s room—she doubted that it was still Andreja’s room, with the overload of posters that littered the walls. She traced back her steps, opening every door as she went. The door to the balcony had been left ajar.

“All comes in due time, Cora. Thank you for the data, I will trace the source of the signal.”

Sarah could not move from the doorway, even as Cora Coe jetpacked away with a giggle. Andreja’s hands braced against the railing.

“It took you a long time to make up your mind.” Andreja spoke. Her voice had always been steady and precise. But now, it held even more weight.

Sarah all but stumbled forward. “I am so sorry, Andreja I—”

Andreja turned around and Sarah felt her heart burst. The once ink-black hair now had grey strands kissing her temples. Laugh lines danced alongside the dimples on her cheeks. She was statuesque as ever, clad in intricate garb. Where there were once serpents and flowers blooming over the leather of Andreja’s outfit, there was now a single serpent wrapping itself around her arms, its maw spitting dozens of stars. The Constellation simple—but upside down. And right beside her, on the railing, a red leather jacket.

“I missed you, Sarah.”

“How long has it been?” She took a tentative step forward, never able to take her eyes off Andreja.

“An eternity. But to be more practical—ten years, two days and six hours.”

Sarah closed her eyes, nausea and vertigo alike threatening her balance. They were now the same age. Two strong hands steadied her. She opened her eyes to deep brown eyes that even ten years could not change.

“I am so sorry Andreja, I never meant to leave you behind.”

“You did not. Out of curiosity, why did you not go through?” Andreja’s hand gently pushed back Sarah’s head from her forehead.

“I looked back.” She had looked back. It had been the death of her. Andreja’s cheeks, straked with tears, her eyes closed and hands opened as she prayed through shaky lips. Sarah watched as Andreja frowned, before quickly adding. “And I am glad I did.”

“It was never my intent to hold you back, my dearest love.” Andreja spoke. Sarah’s eyes finally fell to Andreja’s hand. A tattoo wrapped around her wrist—the same that adorned Sarah’s. A golden band on her ring finger. “I love you too much to cage you. One universe was never enough for Sarah Morgan.”

“It is, if it’s with you. Only if it’s with you.”

Andreja smiled and brought Sarah close, leaving a soft kiss on her forehead. Sarah let herself be wrapped up in Andreja’s arms and finally let herself sob.

“Did you—are you with anyone?” Sarah finally asked. Andreja laughed. “Ten years is a long time.”

“Not if you’re waiting for the right person. Yes, I am with someone. I am with you, always.”

Andreja’s lips still tasted the same, even after ten years of indecision, at the very gates of eternity. Her skin still felt the same against hers. And her love was still as all-encompassing, as religious.

There would be a time for the final voyage. When life would have nothing more to give, when her appetite would grow too strong to bear. But until then, Andreja and Sarah Morgan would set out on the horizon, under the orders of Constellation’s Chairwoman, Noel. They’d return with stories to share, laughing with Sam about the absurdity of meeting their ‘doubles’ on the other side. One day, the door would swing open again and their Barrett would run in, sweaty and swearing, carried by Cora and Sona’s strong arms.

And together, they would take the final step, until they would meet again, two words on their lips. Ad Astra.

See you starside.

#starfield #andreja #sarah morgan #andreja x sarah morgan #sarandreja #andrejarah #starfield prompt fill

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