#sdlsdfsdfj this is so fucking all over the place

[mieczyhale]

steve and bucky would celebrate christmas and hanukkah both once they’re finally together and safe again

they love and respect each other, for one thing, and for another.. well, they kind of used to celebrate together as kids - in their own way.

back when they were kids, it wasn’t just steve and sarah spending christmas together. i mean it was, until steve met bucky - bucky with his two parents and his siblings, who quickly inserts himself into steve’s life as if he’d always been there and that includes dropping in for holidays - even if he himself doesn’t celebrate.

a freezing cold evening, steve and sarah bundled up together on the couch (steve significantly the most bundled of course) and they have a tiny tree sitting in the corner - a reject tree, really, that someone had thrown out because of its size and its broken branches (steve’s never identified with a tree before).  bucky and steve had come across it one afternoon on their way home from school. bucky had carried it back to the apartment and stuck it in a flower pot (the plant inside was dead anyway) to keep it standing. 

he had kept an eye out for broken or tossed aside things, pretty things, that he could add to the rogers christmas tree. steve says he doesnt have to of course, the first time he brings in a pocketful of slightly crumpled paper stars, but bucky simply replies “i know” and starts placing them randomly on the little tree. he knows he doesn’t have to, but he wants to. because steve deserves nice things, because steve and his mom both deserve nice things, and bucky is just a kid himself - there isn’t much he can offer, he thinks - but he can do this. 

so steve and sarah have this little tree, decorated with little odds and ends bucky had found over the last two weeks, and for all the sarah works she can’t afford to get her son much - not after buying all the things he needs. she feels a bit bad she could only get him one small gift, but it’s a feeling that passes quickly with how steve’s little face lights up and he thanks her so happily for the stuffed rabbit he clutches close, tells her he loves it, tells her he loves her. she thanks god for giving her the sweetest little boy, and for letting her keep him another year.

there’s a knock on the front door before it opens a little, just enough that bucky pops his head in and asks if he can come in. normally he’d wait after knocking, he did have manners, but it’s so incredibly cold out and he doesn’t want to make the family inside move if they’ve gotten comfortable. steve is even more at risk on nights like this, any warmth he can get even more essential, so just this once he opens the door before getting an answer (he does wait for permission before actually coming in though. he’s not rude)

sarah questions why he’s there, though assures him that it’s not that she minds - bucky is steve’s best friend, and while a little mischievous at times he quickly wormed his way into her heart too - but she worries for the weather (he’s all layered up), if his mother knows where he is (she does). 

bucky holds out two items, almost shy, apologizes that they arent wrapped, he hoped that wasn’t too important to the holiday.

the first thing sarah does, unable to stop herself from smiling, is assure him that wrapping presents is never necessary. the important part is the thought, and the love behind the gift, she says as she takes the gifts from him. one obviously for her, and the other for steve who makes grabby hands until she passes it over with a laugh. bucky stands there, hands folded, bouncing a little on his feet.

he didn’t really have money, so buying anything was out of the question, but he’d gone to his mother for ideas and she’d been a big help. steve and bucky’s moms got along like a house on fire when they ended up in the same room, chatting and laughing like they too had been friends forever. so bucky’s mom goes to her little jewelry box and after a moment pulls out a simple, but pretty, necklace. sarah had complimented her on it before and while she did love it, she thought perhaps sarah would love it more.  inspired by his mom, and finding himself loving the idea of giving steve something of his, bucky picked out his warmest sweater to give the other boy. 

and it was still okay with him. this moment hadn’t changed that somehow, but it did make him feel like he was a part of something else now - something new. to him. something important. not the holiday, not the religion behind it, but these people. this little family. who had welcomed him in and accepted him the first time they met him, who didn’t have a mean bone anywhere between them, who talked about love and their religion because it was a part of them but asked him questions about his own so genuinely, who listened to him no matter what he was saying. 

he watched now as they both took in their gifts with bright smiles, and perhaps teary eyes, and felt warm in a way he hadn’t since leaving his own house. 

his family didn’t celebrate christmas, and that had always been okay with him. they had their own holidays and he loved them. 

sarah who remembered what foods he couldn’t eat and offered him hugs when he was sad, steve who couldn’t get out of bed some days but whose laugh was like sunshine and who wanted to hold his hand while bucky read to him

bucky watched sarah clasp the necklace around her neck carefully, watched steve pull the fluffy sweater over his head - his hair sticking up all over the place afterwards, and the warm feeling stayed. as sarah invited him to stay a bit, to take her spot on the couch and she’d make them all hot cocoa, as he helped steve fix the blankets back over them both, as steve curled up next to him and thanked him - voice soft but eyes intense - and as bucky lightly bonked their heads together like cats, full of some kind of emotion he didn’t know what to do with. but it was good. the warmth grew, and it was good, and bucky hoped he’d helped his best friend have the best christmas he could.