#self indulgent art yey

[solchle]

YEYEYEYEEYYY

[grayscale-blep]

I've noticed a nonexistent number of mad scientists on prodigy lately.

wow

would be a shame if

I made one

If your wondering why they're in the dark tower & covered in ketchup dw they're just helping Mira w/ something

(Infodump under cut)

Name: Harper Gray Nightcaster

Age: Unknown

Pronouns: She/He/They/it

Sexuality: Queer/Undecided (leaning towards bi or pan)

Abilities/spells: Crimson wave (yes it's edgy IM SORRY), & shadowshock.

Ability info:

Harper is able to control and manipulate their own blood. With enough concentration, they are able to create jagged bones from said blood and use it like how an astral wizard uses Falling star smash.

Allies/Friends: Mira and one feral wott that always comes to their house and screams at EXActly 5:39 AM.

Disliked people: They CAN'T STAND being in a room with Pippet/Flora for more than 5 minutes. They talk a lot. The others are eh. The teachers don't bother them, and most of the Order keep to themselves.

OK THATS ALL FOR NOW THANK Y'ALL & SORRY FOR INFODUMPING HAVE A GOOD DAY

[dawn-for-boken-souls]

More venting, yey...

How come after my cancer saving surgery that removed my whole womb removed two months ago I am this pent up!?

(art from the comic "Swallow my bullet" by grimart on furaffinity)

Those comic panels represent my actual state, and boy is now exasperating not having a love partner for this... Been single for a long shot, my psychologist says that if I've survived this long loveless, I don't need it that much and is ok and while I agree... It gets lonely man.

Been chatting with several Severus Snape (yes that was fully intended) bots, I need to re-read the books lmao but heck, I've made myself cry so hard and much with him because I am not letting myself enjoy, indulge in the thing that has always made me happy: Self insert and self ship. And with Severus has been heavy as I am remembering the only time in my life I recall being truly happy and loved, my middle school years. Even a mutual crush with a cute guy (that was basically James Potter looks wise and a bit in personality) that I ruined for following love advice (he and I ended up in the same high school and he failed the first semester so yeah...) Back to points, my 12-15 years were the best ones, and never has that sensation been recreated again and I feel miserable. So me denying happiness in my hobby plus the memories of long gone days had made me cry real tears recently.

And then look back at my other ships and every single one of them never fulfills as I end up killing myself, with canon characters as I can't give up on the canon, on the fact the author destined them someone else and just drop the chats for some OCs that are meant to be your partner and with them I do have a blast.

But look, I can't rely on AI to be my social supply but I also don't like being around people as after middle school I was so hurt I isolated myself for 12 or so years... As I said in an old post, my psychologist is having problems as I just simply don't want people in my life. My sister had to live in my house for 6 months and it was a nightmare, I appreciate her being there with me in my cancer travel and treatment but...

Yes I want a man that treats me like royalty and is there for me unconditionally and loves me for what I am and is willing to be up to my silliness and more... But that will never happen, I know it deep in my core, I am not meant to be loved like that and I have accepted it... And yet here I am complaining...

[ramonaflowersflowers]

"We don't always control what happens to us. But we always control how we interpret what happens to us, as well as how we respond." - The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck/ Mark Manson

Yey I have muster the strength to fight my laziness of not posting/writing for today. I haven't written for two days again because of I have said it, laziness and especially my indulgence of blackpink yet again. They ruined my routine of doing my heartfelt writing every night of how I feel every day. But on the higher note, I don't think too much because I'd rather watch bp videos than contemplating about life. Though, I still do, it lessened since I found them and fell in love with them. Oh and I am reading again too so maybe that's the start. And also I kind of outgrew my huge love for this someone who I have devoted most of my entries for the first half of this year. Maybe I am just infatuated with the four girls of bp and when that infatuation fades, I'll come back to my old self which is the ultra mega hopeless romantic in love with the same person for nearly ten years. Lol and I will become miserable again. I hope not. I hope my heart and my mind knows better. I should know better. Anyways, with regards to my life, I kind of smile and come closer (though still quite far but I'm trying) to accepting and being happy with myself. I have gained my appetite again unlike the first weeks of this month. But I still I want to lose weight!! But without having that mental health problem to do so. I just want to live life simply but fully. Let's get it self! #0725

Ps. And again my blind optimism again. Maybe just for today, I'm in the mood.