#selfship positivity day: the 4th one

[the-storyteller-and-her-soldiers]

Selfship Positivity Day: 4

I, once again, am not feeling too great so I hope none of you mind if I try to keep this short, sweet, and all in one piece. I also hope that you're having a terrific day and are getting all the love you deserve!! TLDR: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE

I guess you can say that I've always been self shipping because I can still remember sitting at the desktop computer upstairs in my old home and typing in pink font about being friends with and having a few of the guys from my favorite childhood show fall in love with me. (Thank goodness that computer got bricked and trashed!) I was taught at a young age the difference of reality from fiction and due to having a brother who was 6 years older than me, I always kept quiet about it since I still hoped that someone, somewhere was having these Fantastical Adventures and that one day I would be able to join in on them!

Daydreaming was always a way for me to feel better from the less than lovely aspects of my life. Hell, my mom even encouraged it after she and dad (and my brother some times) would have another very loud argument. It's good to see about some things don't change (referring to how daydreaming can help me feel better from that, of course!) I never really grew out of it since I always kept up the boundary of fiction and reality but as I grew older, I just got quieter about it until I only daydreamed in my head to fit in like everyone else, I had enough to make me stand out.

But I started getting back into it in terms of, "I'm gonna love that character myself!" when I was 10 or 11. My brother had picked up a copy of MGS4 as his one Christmas present that year, and seeing how I was the younger sibling I tagged along with his adventures to occupy myself. I was dealing with a lot at the time in terms of more family dysfunction, homelessness, severe bullying from my peers at school, a lot of toxicity from reaching out to the wrong strangers online, plus this is when my dysphoria due to cerebral palsy really started to manifest itself. So when the cyborg-ninja Raiden was introduced and talked about, I felt a sort of connection because I felt for once that if he was real he'd love me despite all the 'issues' that I had!

So for my own enjoyment, I picked up writing again just so I could have something nice to read back on the not so nice nights. A few years later I had a new home, a few new friends who're genuine to me, and a somewhat better family situation, and my love for writing remained just as my love for Raiden did as well. I had a few crushes both real and fictional but they weren't much or that good for me. Life was definitely more enjoyable as I found another character I felt that connection to, Nero. (Sound familiar?)

Well another year passed and with the help of my friends I grew to enjoy talkin about my interests again rather than defending them! I wanna say over the summer of my sophomore year that I finally made a Tumblr, mainly just to follow my girlfriend who does amazing art and my other friend. I ended up using my main @child-of-the-nighttime-stars as a place to post my poetry and I believe someone in the community reached out to talk or I reached out to them and that's how I discovered the community!

I lurked around for awhile before I finally got the courage to make this lovely little corner of the interwebs for me! Sure, there has been some ups and downs but all in all it's been a pretty positive experience for me and I hope I've helped add to that too!

I've made a lot of friends and they're are a lot of people who I look up to but have been too shy to reach out to more because I wanna give you my best and I'm still a bit unwell so from the bottom of my heart: Thank you for the kindness and simply being here!

@atmospheric-light @nyandereneko @roboticstarships @disneymarina @robotarmjokes @rain-selfships @24hourshipping @realities-escape @fo-love and just so many more!