#seriously ed catching a fish and being a fisherman are not the same thing

[sarucane]

Why did Ed think becoming a fisherman made any sense at all?

Seriously, this was always a ridiculous idea. Stede gets zero blame for laughing the first time Ed says it--it's an even crazier and more extreme whim than Ed saying "we'll go to China." And it's reasonable that it blindsides Stede for Ed to be leaving--a few hours ago Ed was making Stede breakfast in bed and taking Stede out to his favorite restaurant, and now he's leaving forever. That's a hell of a mindfuck there. So why does Ed think it makes sense to follow this whim?

Ed starts this episode by throwing away his leathers. He's trying to discard and excise the 'kraken' part of his personality, trying to consciously transform into something else (hence wearing Button's clothes).

At first, he's also trying to embrace being with Stede.

He volunteers information that shows how important Stede is to him by describing the mermaid vision. But, just like when he told Stede about how "sometimes it's nice to just be patient," Ed's not directly owning his feelings here. He's skimming right past the fact that it was he, himself, who was choosing (unconsciously, but still choosing) to die, and his bond to Stede is why he came back. In fact, the closest he comes to actually saying he felt a certain way is by admitting he panicked over the twine.

And Stede, who just feels so secure in this relationship right now, more comfortable in his skin than we've ever seen him, just does not get Ed's insecurity. He doesn't reassure Ed by saying "the breakfast is great with or without the twine" he says "it actually made it!" And when Ed tells about the vision, Stede doesn't seem to register how big a deal it was.

They're not communicating here, they're just not. They've had this very intimate experience, but there's still distance between them. The visuals reinforce this: they're at opposite ends of the bed, they don't come close to touching at any point in the scene. Ed's dressed and Stede's comfortably naked.

Ed snuck out of bed and went to throw his leathers away by himself. He doesn't tell Stede what he's done, and Stede doesn't comment on Ed walking around in Buttons' clothes. Ed's thrown away the kraken--and then he watches Stede embrace being "a sea god."

And this fear and disconnection to Stede goes right back to how Ed's been acting ever since he came back. He's not been opening up to Stede. He's not been willing to get vulnerable with Stede again; he doesn't trust himself not to wreck it and get his heart broken, and he doesn't trust Stede not to break his heart. The filmmaking choices (bless this amazing meta for explaining it all) have been signaling this ever since they found each other again: they love each other, but they're on different wavelengths.

Ed's trust in Stede is brittle, even before he gets the idea that he and Stede want different things out of life (piracy vs anything-but-piracy). So, Ed goes out and sits with himself. Then he takes Izzy's suggestion and he listens to himself, to his desire not to live a certain life anymore.

But rather than deciding to talk to Stede about this, he decides he's going to leave before the conversation even starts.

Ed gets really, really close to real communication with Stede here. He admits that he doesn't feel safe in the relationship, and that the speed and intensity that Stede has reveled in have made Ed feel less safe.

And even now, even though he lost all track of Ed for a big chunk of the day and now he's being surprised by deep withdrawal--Stede is still all in. He could have been heartbroken or angry. He could have panicked and apologized, or frozen and shut down the conversation.

Instead, Stede listens. And he tries to make good on what he told Ed: "I love everything about you."

But Ed doesn't really hear this, because he doesn't trust Stede, the connection between them, or himself. Because "Trust no one" includes not trusting oneself.

Rather than engaging with what Stede actually says, Ed starts ranting, and uses his own insecurities to push Stede away. Stede's right, it is panic.

Stede mirrors Ed's body language all through this part of the scene. He gets what's happening, understands insecurity and what it can trigger (particularly related to an insecurity of "I'm bad for you you're better off without me") deeply--which is why it's so easy for him to forgive this later.

But while Stede understands exactly what's going on now that Ed's finally talking to him directly, for Ed it's all confusing and happening much too fast. So he shuts down, lashes out, and bails out.

Figuring himself out is complicated, navigating his relationship with Stede is complicated, trust and self-realization are complicated. Fishing, on the other hand, is simple. Unlike love or psychological integration, there's no risks in fishing.

[skittlestrash]

little rant about stede and people's...reactions to stede 🙃

okay I seriously can't get past people acting like stede was the cruelest, worst person in the world for the fuckin fish comment. and not only because like, he very likely wasn't even telling the truth there because he was a little concerned about ed LEAVING OUT OF NOWHERE, but also just because…who fuckin cares that much!! people saying stede is totally the type to say the worst things to hurt you when he's upset--sure, okay, maybe, but you really think THAT would be the worst thing to say to ed at that moment?!

if he REALLY wanted to hurt ed, he could've done so very easily by saying (even as a total lie) that ed sure was more interesting and hotter when he was blackbeard. simple. easy. some people seem to think that's actually the case, even, which is insane to me. "I love everything about you…as long as you're blackbeard! breathing the same air…but only blackbeard's air!" liiike, smarter people than I have pointed out that these guys HATE THEMSELVES, so when they see those hated traits in the other, they immediately are like "oh shit I've ruined him" and it's dumb of them, sure, but it's a far more interesting and better story than just. har har stede only likes blackbeard and ed only likes stede as a weakling!

anyway. I just can not get over all the takes about stede being THE WORST in that arguement when he was just trying to calm ed down, reassure him, then start to (drunkenly) freak out because the love of his life just told him he's leaving to become a fisherman. (another way he and ed are alike though! stede becomes a pirate with no experience, ed becomes a fisherman after catching one little fish!) and a reminder that stede's attempts at reassuring and calming was still AFTER ED SAID THEIR SEX WAS A MISTAKE. I wouldn't have even been able to SPEAK if my beloved told me that. he was actually far more perceptive and mature about it than I would've been, because he seemed to clearly get that ed was indeed panicking and--yes, was being a COWARD. another thing I've seen people rip stede apart over, but like, he wasn't WRONG. and he wasn't wrong because he KNEW FROM EXPERIENCE, because HE was a coward too!!!

and every foolish thing he did after that scene was being he was, yes, still drunk, still repressing his trauma, still high on the popularity, and most of all--because ed left him AGAIN and now his crew were, too. I just…don't understand why so many people can understand the whys and hows of ed's choices even if they disagree with them (and even moreso with izzy's but coughcough), and yet they can't seem to do the same for stede. but it kinda sucks.

PS I also keep forgetting to say anywhere that honestly the way ed said "I said to you that I needed to take it slow" is phrased...almost kinda accusingly? again I don't think he MEANT IT THAT WAY (with that OR the use of mistake) but it all just comes across very... heartbreaking for stede.

that's all.