#sfjlkghdfk the grief of knowing someone you love is no longer that person

[needle-noggins]

Playing catch-up on Vol. 8 so I can be fully immersed in The Pain(tm) next week. Nothing terribly deep rn but I have some plant twins thoughts.

I can't help but think about how Knives and Vash are both being pushed beyond their limits, to growing black hair, by each other. It's the thing that Knives hates and blames humans for, but he's doing it to himself in the end. And his followers, explicitly Elendira and Dr. Conrad, are waiting it out while toeing the line.

And I think this conversation is a bit of a turning point for Vash, as he sticks up to Knives a bit more than we've seen, stands his ground, and doesn't crumble into a heap of self-pity quite as much. He's trying so hard, especially now that he has people who genuinely and deeply love him (Wolfwood, Meryl) who inspire him to fight harder. He's had some time to reflect on Knives' abuse and he's trying to call him out on it. Of course, our favorite hypocrite won't listen (do they ever?), but it's important that Vash tries.

I've said it before but this panel of Vash standing up to Knives really struck me, even on my first read-through several months ago at breakneck speed. Vash is trying SO HARD to talk some sense into Knives. He's assuming Knives might have some empathy for his brother, that he might listen.

It doesn't work, and it's heartbreaking to realize that it never will. Been there, Vash. You tried, and so valiantly.

When you boil it down to just Knives and Vash, Trigun really is a tragedy.

Oh yeah, and this is in parallel to Wolfwood's conversation with Chapel. (Is it weird that I see Chapel as a fucked-up father figure for Wolfwood? Is that valid?) Obviously Wolfwood is exercising some of Vash's empathy, trying to avoid killing innocent people (which sucks because Chapel goes and kills them right after, trying to show him there's no point to it, the people will die anyway). Chapel is trying to show Wolfwood that he will always be an agent of the Eye of Michael, it's something he can't change, can't escape - he was made to kill.

Wolfwood doesn't argue back. He can't. He's still struggling with his past.

This same volume shows us Wolfwood as a child in the orphanage, caring for a baby. He knows he wasn't always a monster. He knows the Eye made him that way, and of course Chapel is using some good ol' cult tactics to try to keep him reeled in.

Free will vs Determinism.

Blank Ticket vs Made for Murder. Vash vs. Knives. Hope vs. Despair.

That's it, that's the whole manga.