#sga s01e15 Before I Sleep

[merelyspecters]

Before I Breathe

ao3 link

Hearing the crew’s frantic shouting, muffled by walls and the roar of water, Carson abandoned all hope of rescue. And as the screams were silenced, one by one, Carson knew death to be imminent. Or; In Weir’s original timeline, Carson drowns. He has roughly five minutes until then.

A Carson Beckett-centric fic set in the alternate universe Weir detailed in season 1 episode 15 “Before I Sleep.”

Fic under the cut.

Medically speaking, Carson knew the quickest way to die.

As water started to burst through the door’s seams, facts rose to mind. The average person can hold their breath somewhere between 30 seconds and 2 minutes. That, of course, doesn’t account for the training that every Atlantis candidate endured. Carson guessed that the people here with him could hold their breath for longer. Because he wasn’t alone, was he? He was flanked by two scientists whose names he didn’t know, names that he’d been looking forward to learning.

He’d been guiding people onto the ships. Radek had sent him to retrieve two stragglers in a close corridor, so he’d run without a second thought. Carson never anticipated the doors to slam shut behind him. Never anticipated the walls to start cracking. Never anticipated being trapped. But he was. They all were.

Hearing the crew’s frantic shouting, muffled by walls and the roar of water, Carson abandoned all hope of rescue. And as those screams were silenced, one by one, Carson knew death to be imminent.

Which brought him back to the method.

He could bend down and take a sharp inhale of water, going unconscious before something more unpleasant could happen—before the walls imploded and showered them in shrapnel, or the blunt force of waves cracked their bones. It would be swift. Effective. It would allow him to bypass the guilt he felt right now. The hippocratic oath may have stopped him from doing harm to others, but this was an altogether different story. He was dying no matter what.

The scientist beside him hyperventilated. “Oh my God. We’re dead.”

Carson snapped out of his mind. Right. He wasn’t alone. That changed things.

He couldn’t give up just yet.

The freezing water was up to their calves, now, and rising fast. Carson grabbed the panicking scientist’s arm. “Lad, what’s your name?”

The scientist’s breath slowed ever-so-slightly. “Brendan,” he choked out. “Gall.”

Carson looked back at the other scientist, and said, as calmly as he could muster, “And yours?”

“Eleanor Johnson.” She looked as distressed as Brendan.

“Eleanor. It’s great to meet you. You too, Brendan.” Carson used his other arm to grab her shoulder. In hospice, provide physical contact, he could hear his textbooks saying. So he did.

“When are they going to open the doors?!” Brendan said. “We’re so close to the ships!”

“Rodney’s working on it,” Carson said, injecting as much warmth as he could muster into his words. “He’s doing everything he can.” It wasn’t a lie. Rodney was doing everything he could. It’s just that he was focusing on those who could be saved. With the doors locked, the three of them were excluded from that number.

The water rose to their waists now. Goosebumps rose on Carson’s arms.

“I’m cold,” Brendan said, voice wavering.

“Oh, come ‘ere,” Carson said, pulling him in close. “You too, Eleanor.” As Brendan’s shoulders started to shake, Carson kept holding him, contributing what little body heat he had to offer. As Eleanor leaned in, he kept a soothing hand on her back.

The other screams finally went silent. Only the roar remained.

Eleanor started to sob, her tears mixing with the saltwater that surrounded them. “I don’t want to die,” she repeated, over and over.

“Neither do I, love,” Carson soothed.

This was what Carson had signed up for when he joined the expedition. Not so quickly, but he’d signed up knowing this was a possibility. And as Carson looked around at the city, at the lives by his side, he didn’t know if it was bloody worth it. He forced the thought away—if he thought too hard, then he’d start crying, too.

He continued, “You’ve done a good thing, here. You were brave to come out here to this galaxy, you know? You both were so brave. And I’m sure whatever God’s above will appreciate that.”

Eleanor laughed, hysterical. “Brave? You’re the one who came to get us.”

“I’m sure you would have done the same.”

They started to tread water, keeping their heads up above the surface. It took all of his willpower not to shove his head under the water and breathe in, get it over with... After all, things were only going to get worse. But he didn’t. Whether or not this voyage meant something didn’t matter—he would never know if it was worth it. What mattered now was that these were his patients. He was a doctor. That, at least, he could be until the end.

The ceiling rapidly approached. “Do me a favor, you both, and take a nice long breath of air,” Carson yelled over the waves, his voice strained. “Give Rodney time to open the doors. I’ll be right here with you, okay?” They nodded, hysterical, following his instructions.

Carson took one large gulp of air, and then it overtook them.

They all sunk to the floor.

Carson may not have been the most athletic person on the base, but he was a strong swimmer. On a fishing boat, you have to be, just in case you’re swept off the deck. And he’d been quite often. He could hold his breath longer than most… certainly longer than these two.

Brendan went limp first. 50 seconds. Perfectly average. He gave his arm a squeeze before letting go. The body drifted downward, leaving Carson to focus all his attention on Eleanor.

She lasted longer. As her eyes fluttered shut, Carson gave her one last comforting smile. She was forced to inhale, so Carson held her head, feeling convulsions wrack her body. Then she stilled. 2 minutes. Well done.

Now…

Now, he was alone.

Without anybody around him, Carson no longer had a reason to stay awake.

Wasting time on emotion was useless: he couldn’t even sob. So he forced away any thought of his family, his mum, and looked at the ancient walls around him. Underwater, they looked beautiful. Technology made into an art. Rodney would have liked to pick this all apart until it was just atoms, Carson thought with a smile.

But he couldn’t bear that being his last sight. After all, this wasn’t his home. Earth was.

So he imagined himself in a lake instead of Atlantis. He’d just fallen off of a boat... Soon, his friends would pull him up out of the water. But until then, he imagined fish.

Carson took a deep breath.

The elderly Weir continued, “...Because there was no failsafe the first time. Atlantis remained on the ocean floor. The shield completely collapsed. Water came crashing in, flooding every room in the city.” She looked at Carson and Aiden. Her voice was almost clinical as she spoke, “You both drowned while attempting to get our people into ships.”

Unsettled, Carson leaned back. His thoughts turned to the image of him trapped underwater... He shook them off, refocusing.

Suddenly, he realized he’d been holding his breath. He released it, breathing in.