#she downplays fucking everything and i cant anymore

[katyobsesses]

My mum complained for days when she was I'll with some sort of cold/flu/notCovid thing, but as soon as I start presenting with the same symptoms?

Nah, I'm fine apparently. Apparently I'm not sneezing and coughing my head off, or feel like I'm about to throw up and have no appetite or energy.

This is why I don't tell her things, she fucking downplays everything

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

warning: abusive behavior

how do i tell my 'bestfriend' of 6 years that she's gaslighting me and its making me very very not okay with our friendship?

i get so drained out talking to or hanging out with her because for some reason she can never ever stop talking about the past. its come to the point where something (bad) i did to our friendhsip in 2017 still comes up. ive apologized to her so many times, so may times and shes accepted them even, all the times. but she's not let go of it and it makes me feel so guilty.

if i miss her birthday because its literally my family members birthday too she wont stop guilt tripping me for it. if i had forgotten to call her like five years ago for her birthday, ill hear it even now. ive apologized so much. im not a person who vents to people (im sorry this is sent to u) so she guilts me for not venting to her. if i dont tell her i deleted my instagram account then god save the fucking queen.

this IS what gaslighting looks like isnt it? i cant tell anything anymore actually lol

Gaslighting is when someone emotionally manipulates you by questioning your memories, feelings, etc by downplaying them and making you question reality. This seems to be a type of gaslighting, where she blows everything out of proportion and overreacts, thus making you question how bad your actions really were and driving you insane.

I'm going to say this first - I despise this kind of behavior and would just straight up ghost them. This was one of the techniques used to emotionally abuse me during my childhood. I have zero tolerance for it. I would cut this kind of person out of my life regardless of history and without regret.

That being said, this type of behavior stems from insecurity and the need to feel "better than" whoever they are abusing. "Some shit you did years ago on this day, on this hour, on this minute, with this many leaves on the ground at the time of the offense - you better remember that shit forever and be enternally repaying me back for that moment." They stack all the moments of offense and use them like bullets when they're upset at you.

There are sensible things you could say - tell them to focus on the discussion at hand, remind them when they're upset to not attack your character and don't do that yourself, tell them to let go of the past. Even if you have done that, I don't know if she will listen. Maybe ask her, "Why do you want to be friends with me? You bring up things that I've apologized for countless times. If that is not enough, why continue being friends with me? Neither of us seem to be happy with this friendship." Because... why? Why does she verbally want to beat you down every chance she gets? If she cannot answer you, it might be time to part ways.

Reconsider being her friend. Being constantly berated is emotionally exhausting. This is not what best friends do. This is what abusers do.

[whatthefuckistevvs]

hi i watched aggretsuko season 3 and i have some feelings about the culmination of the arc so if u r interested its under read more cus obvi spoilers

it has been shwon thru these 3 seasons that retsuko biggest flaw is the fact that she refuses to open up. Washimi and Gori, who are her closest friends basically had to barge into her life to be able ot know her, and even so it is v obvious that while that was cool, at the time of season 3 they barely hanged out anymore and Retsuko refused to talk to them about what was going on, even so far as to hide from Gori the fact that Washimi lent her money.

Everybody keeps telling her she needs to open up and she refuses, to the point where the Stalker first verbally assaulted her she refused to open up about how fucked up it was, and she downplayed the fact that the guy had pictures of her home because she, again, refuses to talk about her real feelings. Which leads us to Haida

Something everybody tells Haida, and Haida tells himself, is that he doesnt really konw Retsuko. How could he? she never talks, they barely hang out, and the one time they hung out in haida's house was because Retsuko was desperate to learn the guitar, and too cheap to get an actual teacher. Haida knows htis, he knows he barely konws her and believes the only reason he likes her is because of an image he created of her

but its the total opposite? He tells fenneko that he fell for Retsuko the moment he saw her true self- when she was stealing water from the water coolers at work. He fell in love with her then. Its not the fact that Haida is in love with a version of retsuko that doesnt exist- its more about the fact that Haida is in love with the real retsuko, but he tries to get her to open up, to know her more, and she refuses.

The final scene with the karaoke is Haida final attempt to tell retsuko that she Needs to Open Up. I do feel the ending was rushed, but it was a wake up call to Retsuko from Haida because he wants retsuko to feel safe around him- not in a romantic way yet- but in a Friend way. He wants to be her safe place- someone Retsuko can feel safe with as a friend

Retsuko has gotten into so many problems because she does not trust anyone, even before she was attacked, and feels she has to do everything herself. Haida told her that's a shitty way to live and that she needs to open up more.

They both had good points- Retsuko screams at him that he cant force a relationship with him because he doesnt konw her

well, how is he going to know you when you refuse to open up?

Haida's "lets punch back together" is really what she needed- to konw that she is not alone. she has friends that would defend her (hell- haida saved her life), and that she doesnt have to do this alone

[luvbug724]

hiii ive been thinking abt neil running post-tkm whatre ur thoughts on that 🤨 i feel its not Too common but it comes up often enough in fandom and is always triggered in neil by something so he runs and either comes back or doesnt but i cant rlly see that happening? also similarly do u think neil would have some troubles w accepting permanence in his life? i was thinking hed def have some habits he wouldnt need anymore but w main threats gone + a life he wants to keep it wldnt be a huge issue..

WAIT my last ask when i say like permanence ex: neil panicking abt captaincy in tkm do u think hed have similar experiences later on w similar aspects of living in one place? (and this maybe triggering the need to run in turn)

holy cow first of all i got so excited when i got this ask you don’t even know. this has definitely been something that’s been sitting in the back of my mind but it was never something that bothered me enough to share online. SECOND of all, i mean absolutely no disrespect to anybody who might disagree with me on this or has written neil in this scenario-- it’s all fiction we’re all having fun here and my characterization may differ from yours and that’s fine! even if i might not be a fan of the concept i still read and support fics that include it if i like the writing :) this got very long and some people probably won’t be interested in reading it, so my response is under the cut :’)

but as for your question, anon, i completely agree with you. when i got this notification the first scene my mind went to was chapter nine of tkm right after wymack offers neil the vice captaincy. this was, probably, one of the worst sequences of events that could have possibly happened to neil: some of his most fundamental lies are exposed to his team, he’s confronted with his past, he has to reveal some truths that he never planned on saying, and now here’s his coach insisting on a future he so desperately wants but doesn’t think he’ll live long enough to have. neil should have already had a new name in a new country three months ago and instead he’s at palmetto state in the public eye right for the moriyamas and wesninskis to watch. 

and what does he do?

He didn't remember pulling it from his pocket or making the decision to dial out. He lowered it and tapped a button, thinking maybe he'd imagined things, but Andrew's name was on his display and the timer put the call at almost a minute already.

Neil put the phone back to his ear, but he couldn't find the words for the wretched feeling that was tearing away at him. In three months championships would be over. In four months he'd be dead. In five months the Foxes would be right back here for summer practices with six new faces. Neil could count his life on one hand now. On the other hand was the future he couldn't have: vice-captain, captain, Court. Neil had no right to mourn these missed chances. He'd gotten more than he deserved this year; it was selfish to ask for more.

He should be grateful for what he had, and gladder still that his death would mean something. He was going to drag his father and the Moriyamas down with him when he went, and they'd never recover from the things he said. It was justice when he'd never thought he'd get any and revenge for his mother's death. He thought he'd come to terms with it but that hollow ache was back in his chest where it had no right to be. Neil felt like he was drowning.

Neil found his voice at last, but the best he had was, "Come and get me from the stadium.”

andrew grounds him, comes for him, and makes sure that neil can’t run. but this was just one very extreme situation, so here’s how i think his future may play out: no matter how much neil wants to go, he needs to stay even more. and, unlike the above situation, neil now has explicit permission (a command, even) to stay with the foxes, to stay with his family. i think he will be fine for a long while until there comes a moment where he realizes that he’s here to stay and he has a home and he has the foxes and he has andrew and it’s honestly a toss up as to how he would react. the first option would be that it’s overwhelming in a very, very good way and nothing much changes. the second option (which seems way more in character for neil) is instead: he panics, and he needs something to keep him tethered to psu. he might seek out andrew like he did in canon or he might try to hide it to not worry him, but i’d place my bets on somewhere in the middle where he makes sure andrew knows whats going on but tries to downplay its importance. 

anyways, i wrote all this before i even checked with nora’s ec to see if she’s said anything in a similar context and she DID and and it was pretty much compliant with my ideas which i am very happy about:

“He’s more likely to walk away or tell Neil to get over it or look right past whatever existential/psychological crisis Neil is having. Neil’s grumpiness after a loss are brushed aside unimportant, and his aggravation over uncooperative teammates is nothing to pity him for. 

But once in a long while Neil will hit a ledge he has to be pulled back from, and that’s what Andrew does. Like in Baltimore, when Neil is trying to say Do you want me to go, and Andrew catches hold and tells him Stay. This is how Andrew comforts: by being a stabilizing force, an anchor to keep Neil at home, a place to rest his weight and his secrets. Honestly, that’s what Neil needs.” (Andrew comforting Neil)

“Impatience kind of worked in Baltimore, but I guess it’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of ordeal. Forced eye contact and Look at me and a ruder calm down right now. ((Thanks Andrew, really sympathetic of you)) Andrew gives Neil the weight to connect him to the real world: a hand on the back of his neck or fingers hooked in the collar of his shirt to drag Neil home to him.” (Andrew re: Neil’s panic attacks)

now, as for neil adjusting to just a plain stationary life, i think he’d adjust relatively easily. his entire life was fitting in which i don’t think he’d have a big problem with, but the new element of how he’s not pretending anymore, he’s just neil josten, might throw him off a little bit. there’s likely going to be some habits he picked up that he can’t shake and some associations (alcohol isn’t for fun, it’s an anesthetic is one that comes to mind) that he never quite gets rid of but despite how much might get thrown at him, after everything he survived freshman year it’d take a fucking lot to push him to his breaking point.

[ssundiall-moved]

my head hurts like a bitch and i'd ask for a standing mri to see if a chiari malformation is visible then but im deathly afraid that the results will come back and nothing will be wrong with me and i'll seem like an idiot and thats the only thing really stopping me. i spoke about this on an ehlers danlos subreddit and one of the answers was along the lines of "can you provide more details?" which makes me think that maybe i wasnt getting all the information i should be getting bcuz i was just told that everything was "normal" and nothing more. and id go to a different neurologist but my mom handles my medical stuff and i already know that she will not take me seriously AT ALL if the next person i go to downplays my issues as well. and like i struggle to get medical appointments that arent referalls or my pcp/therapist/psychiatrist because she doesnt know what to do. i was supposed to start seeing a physical therapist in december or so but my pcp never referred us to anyone so it just never happened. it feels like stuff just doesnt happen ever and its so fucking frustrating. this shit is making me want to bash my skull in, i cant handle the pain anymore.

[fightevilandthengetblownup]

CHAT: JoAnna Binding Series

#1 - Starting earlier than binding situation with when Jo finds out about Anna’s collar. Shared simply for the sheer fact Anna sends Jo about like a slave for the start and if I’d known that was the opening line, I’d have written it…

Anna: *Anna sends Jo a text with a long list of things she needs from the bar library closet asking her to bring it over*

Jo: *It was easy enough to find the things Anna was after, it was the sheer number which was annoying as Jo fumbles her way to Anna’s apartment. Knocking once, Jo tries the handle, heading inside when it’s unlocked* “What on earth is with all this stuff, Anna? You planning on making some magical bath for your leg or something?”

Anna: *Anna comes out of the bathroom after having a shower to work out the kinks out of her muscles from a day of failed attempts. Toweling her hair dry she points to the kitchen counter.* “You can put that there and no something else. Thanks Jo for bringing it over.”

Jo: *Setting them down, Jo turns to look at the other, frowning at the shiny metal around her neck and the lack of bruising and problems* “No problem. …Where’d you get the jewellery from, that looks really familiar?”

Anna: “Oh I thought you would have heard all about it from Grey.” *Anna raises an eyebrow, her voice a bit rough as she walks over looking through the bags and sorting them for each spell.*

Jo: “Funnily enough, you’re not exactly a topic of conversation we have any more.” *She sighs, raising her brow back at Anna as she crosses her arms and leans back against the counter* “So.. what happened?”

Anna: “Crowley, what else happens, beside Grey and Ruby. He put it on, Grey got a good laugh as he caught me walking home. Gray is pissed..by the way, thank you Jo. I don’t know what you said to him but thank you.” *Anna looks at her smiling some.“

Jo: "Ah, that’s why it.. that makes sense. And I’m sure he did, this is the exact type of thing Grey finds amusing.” *Jo shakes her head, running a hand through her hair as Anna thanks her, shrugging a shoulder* “I let the guy beat up on me and told him he wasn’t allowed to do something, nothing too hard. I cleared up the stuff he was reading into you and Grey as well though.”

Anna: “You alright?” *Anna could imagine if she caught Gray in a foul mood and tried to talk to him about her when he didn’t want too.

Jo: *Shrugging again, Jo rubs at her neck briefly before crossing her arms again* “It’s fine. I’ve had worse from him before so it’s not so bad.”

Anna: *Anna nods walking over to sit on the bed.* “Crowley’s given him a choice, he can either take it out on me or Crowley will bend him over he won’t and he isn’t.”

Jo: “You sure Crowley isn’t just trying to worm his way into joining the two of you? Because that’s a new threat I’ve only heard the both of you get delivered.” *The flash of sympathy Jo feels towards Anna and Gray gets stomped down as hard as possible - at least those for the monster of the pair - with a quick spin to look away from Anna and fiddle with some of the bowls left out*

Anna: “We aren’t exactly back together, just talking and no. I think Crowley is enjoying using me against him.” *Anna snorts softly as she shakes her head, it’s either laugh or cry at this time about the fact she’s a weakness for Gray.* “I keep hoping he gets bored with us but no luck.” *She bites her lip to stop from saying that she wishes he would go after Grey.*

Jo: *Jo sends Anna a thoughtful look before tapping her knuckles against the top of the counter* “I’m sorry if I cant really get any sympathy for him about that - you sure, but him.. not really. I don’t want that asshole getting bored and snooping about my house.”

Anna: “I know. Someone has to keep him busy while you kill him.” *Anna runs her hand through her hair and she sighs, she’s not used to stepping back from everything but it’s what she’s doing now.* “How are you doing in that?”

Jo: “Good actually. I think I have a short list of spells which might do the trick, now it’s just a case of.. finding the right one, the right changes and the right ingredients.” *She sighs again, rubbing at the back of her neck awkwardly, giving Anna a look* “Any advancements on your end?”

Anna *Anna shakes her head* “I don’t know anymore I’m just stepping back before I mess anything else up for anyone.”

Jo: “Stepping back and waiting for the horror again? Sounds…. dreadful.”

Anna “It is but hey at least I’m just a bitch now instead of a control freak bitch.” *Anna jokes weakly*

Jo: *Jo just shoots Anna a look, shiftng to move to stand nearer the bed* “So… whats all this stuff for then?”

Anna “Trying to get my new jewelry off, can’t do any damage that way to anyone but myself. So far, I’ve got a sore throat and I feel like i’ve been run over by a truck.” *Anna shrugs some as she looks at Jo scooting over and making room for her if she wants to sit.*

Jo: *Moving her weight from one foot to the other, Jo looks about and then back to Anna and the collar with a frown* “Have you got him to try and help with it? I know that Grey couldn’t get his off, even back when the two of them were joined and fighting against it.”

Anna “He tried when he saw it but hasn’t touched it since everytime anything happens it..well… Have you ever seen one of those collars a dog wears if it barks?” *Anna huffs feeling embarassed and annoyed at the same time, she still can’t stand the idea of what it represents.*

Jo: *She nods, giving the plain metal surface a curious look before sitting down* “I recognise tha tlook on your face, I’m guessing it really fucking hurts when you try? At least it doesnt shrink?”

Anna *Anna nods and then she laughs* “Don’t say that too loud and give him ideas. And Grey can kiss my ass if he thinks I’m just going to sit here and wait for Crowley to take it off. He enjoyed rubbing that fact in my face.”

Jo: “…You should be glad he hasn’t seemingly taken up any of my ideas yet, actually.” *Jo kicks her foot out against the floor, bouncing her ankle against the surface* “I’m sure he did, Anna, like I say, this is totally to his sense of humor.”

Anna “Sense of humor? It’s spite and hate, I’ve seen Gray have that same look in his face when he’s rubbing salt into a wound. Stop trying to down play it but we were good, no one touched each other.” *Anna snaps and then she looks at Jo as she realizes what Jo said.* “Wait, what are your ideas?”

Jo: “Like I said, I’m sure he did. So long as no ones touching or hurting one another, I don’t care how much steam you blow up at one another, Anna. I know you’re just as likely to find enjoyment out of his being beaten and broken down as he is his, so I’ll downplay the both of you until someone bleeds.” *Her voice is blank as she looks back at her, shrugging a shoulder* “I gave him some suggestions when he was trying to make me his babysitter.”

Anna “Is these ideas anything I should be worried about?” *Anna ignores Jo’s comments on Grey but she raises a brow at the wording, no touching and no bleeding, maybe she can do something about the monster after all.*

Jo: “..If you don’t like acid or starving to death, then yeah, I’d say so.” *Jo shrugs, picking at her jeans as she looks away from Anna with a frown*

Anna: “Sounds pleasant.” *Anna looks at Jo studying her and she tilts her head to the side.* “You seem upset, what’s wrong?”

Jo: “Definitely not pleasant. He seemed to find them enjoyable enough not to come after me with them, but I’d be on the look out if I were you.” *Anna’s question stumps her a bit, not really sure how she could explain in such a way that Anna wouldn’t see it as a free shot towards her housemate* “It’s nothing. Just my talk with your not-partner got me thinking about some stuff is all.”

Anna: *Anna raises a brow.* “What do you mean?” *She tries to keep the edge out of her voice but she can’t help it a bit because Gray just started to talk to her again.*

Jo: *Jo shoots the other a look, shrugging a shoulder again even if she wants to snap back at the tone* “Just stuff, okay? He’ll be fine”

Anna: “No offense Jo, you generally have a small list of things you think about. How to kill, how to fuck, what to drink or eat and can you do the other two while killing something.” *Anna gives Jo a look to elaborate on which of these things she’s thinking about.*

Jo: *Jo flushes, half in anger half in embarrassment, at Anna’s comment, crossing her arms and standing up* “Its not of your damn business, okay? I’ve just been thinkin’ is all and it’s not just about your guy.”

Anna: *Anna holds her hands up in defeat.* “Fine fine but you seem like you have something on your mind is all.”

Jo: “Yeah, well.. I do. But it’s fine.” *Jo scowls slightly, shooting Anna a look when she doesn’t seem like she’s about to fight it out with her about it* “It’s just.. I’m not acting like I should be but I’m not feeling weird about it. Which is weird, is all.”

Anna: “So you’re not feeling like you want to kill him, is that what you’re saying Jo?” *Anna tilts her head as Jo seems really uncomfortable right now,*

Jo: *Rubbing the back of her neck, Jo shifts her weight between her feet, looking anywhere but at Anna* “In a very dumbed down version, sort of. I want to kill him, I do, I just… don’t want to kill him all the time. He needs to be killed, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t want to every second of the day.”

Anna: *Anna snorts* “So he’s growing on you then.” *She’s trying to not smile, glad for some thing to make her laugh right now. She just never thought it would be hearing Gray is growing on Jo.*

Jo: “/No/!” *Jo practically shouts back, digging her nails into the back of her neck to stop from throwing her hands upwards, scowling at Anna’s attempt to hide her amusement. Pacing a little way aways and then back, the scowl doesn’t shift at all, even as she rolls her shoulders and continues quietly* “It’s not that.. I don’t like him, I just.. understand him a bit. And it’s not just him, I’m not working properly and it’s throwing me off.”

Anna: “He’s totally growing on you. Is that why you tried to get him to talk to me? Because if this had been reversed and I thought that you were dating a sociopath of a monster I would do everything I could to keep you from going back to him.” *Scooting back she gives Jo room to explode.*

Jo: “He’s not! He’s a sociopathic asshole with no redeeming features at all and I have no clue how or why you like him at all and he’s just..” *Jo keeps pacing, not even looking at Anna and turning redder and redder as she talks, scowling fiercely* “He’s throwing me off! Him and his brother! I’m not acting right and it’s bloody pissing me off.”

Anna: “Gray’s the psychopath, Grey is the sociopath.” *Anna offers helpfully as Jo keeps pacing. She’s not sure she’s ever seen Jo so red and she’s having a hard time keeping herself from laughing.* “How is the fact you’re starting to accept him, his fault for throwing you off and what is his brother doing to you?”

Jo: *Jo growls at Anna’s correction, shooting her a look as she keeps pacing, running a hand through her hair like it will calm her down* “Because I /can’t kill them/! I just… I can’t kill either of them, and I know I have to or might have to but I /can’t/, Anna. And it’s making everything else harder and I don’t.. I need to kill that bastard, but I can’t because you’ll get upset and I can fucking /understand/ him! Dont you get it?!”

Anna: *Anna’s eyes are growing wider as Jo explodes and she finally bursts out laughing.* “You can kill him. Just pull the trigger. And how do you understand him?”

Jo: *The second Anna laughs Jo snarls back at her, hand jerking out of her hair in a fist and hits a punch at the wall closest to her enough that a few bits of plaster shake off* “It’s not fucking funny! I’m serious!” *Glaring, she pulls her hand back, stuffing it into her jean pocket before she can punch anything again, before muttering darkly* “You don’t fucking get it.”

Anna: “There goes that deposit…” *Anna bites back her laughter as she looks at Jo’s hand to make sure she isn’t bleeding.* “Then explain it to me. Breath deep and explain how things have changed and why you can’t kill him and why you understand him.”

Jo: *Scowling, Jo pulls away from Anna, starting to pace again while opening and closing her hands at her sides* “I just get him, alright? He says stuff and does stuff and thinks stuff that I do, and I just.. It makes sense, a lot of it. Not the psychopath crap but a lot of the other stuff, and… I can’t kill him, because once again, that would mean you’d kill … and I can’t have that either so it’s just throwing me off of my game. I can’t /hunt/, Anna, it’s hard. It’s never been hard before, but now, I just..” *She slows to a very sedate walking pace, hitting her hands gently against her hips before sighing* “It’s messing me up.”

Anna: “Welcome to how I started seeing Gray. At some level he’s a lot like us but just more bloody when he gets pissed off. Trust me he keeps growing on you. And Grey, is a lot more like his brother than you want to admit and you’re having a hard time with that because if you want to kill Gray then you should want to kill Gray.” *Anna raises a brow at Jo to see if she’s close to be right.*

Jo: “I don’t /want/ him to, Anna. I want him dead, I don’t want to be thinking about this or to have that minute pause every time I go to stab or shoot something of ‘what makes this so different’. I don’t want to deal with that, I want him /gone/.” *Jo hisses back, hitting her fist hard against her hip as she looks back at Anna’s look* “And that’s not the case at all. I know what Grey’s /really/ like, not just the jackass he is around you or how nice he is around Harry, alright? He’s not hurting anybody or at least he doesn’t want to, Gray on the other hand just wants everyone to be hurt.”

Anna: “Really? Then why did you go try not once but twice to get us back together?” *Anna can’t understand some of what’s Jo going through because she could still kill Grey without hesitation.*

Jo: “I don’t know! You were upset, and he was being creepy, and I just..” *Jo hits her hip again before crossing her arms, frown firmly in place*

Anna: “Have you ever felt bad for him?” *Anna gets up going to the freezer taking out a bottle of vodka she has in it and throws it to Jo*

Jo: *Jo catches the bottle, waving it a bit to test how much was in it, almost surprised by the amount, before screwing off the top and taking a quick swig of it, starting to pace again* “…Why?”

Anna: “Just curious.” *Anna goes back to the bed, sitting cross legged as she watches Jo. She sorta feels bad for her but not totally and she’s more than a bit pleased to know that Jo can’t just flat out kill Gray now.*

Jo: “I felt bad for him putting up with your crazy moodswings, for one.” *She mutters in response, looking suspciously at Anna’s almost pleased expression*

Anna: “I feel bad for anyone putting up with me.” *Anna prompts knowing that Jo puts up with her more than she should even now.*

Jo: *Jo nods, tipping her head back for another mouthful from the bottle, not really feeling any better for it* “Yeah well, what the fuck else are we supposed to do for loved ones, right?”

Anna: “Protect them?” *Anna smiles some watching Jo take another swig.* “So have you been feeling bad for Gray?”

Jo: “…Other than that? Why should I?” *She mutters quietly, shoulders shrinking up as she frowns slightly* “I just understand him, doesn’t mean I give a crap what he goes through. I’d much rather not know anything at all and put a bullet through his frontal lobe.”

Anna: “But does knowing make it even harder to put a bullet through him? You know before he left he said to take care of myself and watch out for you as well. Whatever you did, I think he’s going through a bit of the same because I’ve never seen Gray express concern for you.” *Anna’s voice drops some as she looks at Jo, thinking about Gray.*

Jo: *Jo’d opened her mouth to speak at Anna’s question but cuts herself off when Anna continues talking, staring almost in disbelief at her* “He.. what? That’s not like him..” *She says the words but doesn’t really believe them, figuring that if she could find some kind of connection other than mutual hatred with him, then it’d probably be the same in reverse* “…It does make it harder, of course.”

Anna: “Who knows, maybe if we all live through this everything will go back to normal or you two will actually not hate each other. Maybe there’s been some good come out of Crowley after all.” *Anna smiles some at Jo.*

Jo: *The thought makes Jo shudder, taking another swig from the bottle* “It’s kind of depressing to think me and Gray are more likely to make ammends than you and his brother.”

Anna: “That is a depressing thought but who knows, things could change. I would have never thought that I would witness the budding chance of friendship between you and Gray.” *Anna chuckles some as she holds out her hand for the bottle.*

Jo: *Jo snorts at Anna, flushing out of anger for certain this time* “There will be no friendship - he’s a cold blooded murderer.” *She looks between Anna’s hand and the bottle consideringly before grumbling and handing it over, kicking her ankle against the side of the bed as she passes*

Anna: *Taking the bottle she drinks and offers it back to Jo as the liquor burns going down, not feeling the best on her throat and she coughs some* “Well, friendship is a strong word. Acceptance of each other, let’s put it that way.” *Anna teases Jo some.*

Jo: “You probably shouldn’t drink anything for a while Anna.” *Jo takes the bottle back, drinking another mouthful before capping it, setting the bottle on the kitchen counter as she stays back away from Anna again, slightly grumpy at the insinuation of potential friendship* “Again - he’s a cold blooded killer. It’s wrong, he can exist /without/ killing anyone or anything, and yet he decides not to. I can’t abide by it..”

Anna: “Why are you holding him to human standards? He’s not and it’s not fair to expect him to go outside of his nature. It would be like asking you to stop hunting and go into, I don’t know raise puppies.” *Anna challenges Jo.*

Jo: “I’m not, I’m holding him to the same standards I hold the rest of their kind: are they killing people? Are they intentionally hurting them? Do they have other options? Are they taking them? I get a yes, yes, yes and a no playing the 'Does Gray do this’ game. How 'bout you?” *Jo scowls, crossing her arms as she leans back against the counter* “They don’t /have/ to kill to survive, but he does it.”

Anna: “No he kills because he wants too. But then again he was created because Crowley did something to Grey correct so he’s unique to the rest of his kind.” *Anna counters logically.*

Jo: “Yeah, he’s.. ….He’s the part of Grey that didn’t want to stop being a monster, basically. All he does is do what he wants, no regard for anyone or anything else. He’s got no restraint or control - or rather, he has too much control and he just doesn’t care what he does with it.”

Anna: “And he’s starting to change.”

Jo: “He’s still hurting people, or he still wants to and will.” *Jo raises an eyebrow, shifting to sit attop the counter space since the table was broken and she didn’t feel like sitting in the table-less chairs or near Anna* “How come he is able to change, yet you won’t believe that Grey isn’t what you think he is?”

Anna: “Because Gray doesn’t hide what he feels or is. Grey does nothing but work to make others forget he’s a monster but he has no problem acting like one if he doesn’t value your life. Sound familier?” *Anna shifts so she’s facing where Jo has decided to finally sit.*

Jo: “He sounds like you, honestly.” *Jo looks back at Anna blankly, almost anticipating the response to that, even as she shakes her head at the, in her opinion, shallow interpretation of the monsters*

Anna: *Anna shrugs* “I’ve got a higher body count technically than you all put together if you really want to talk about killers. Maybe it’s why I can seperate it easier between the two of them.”

Jo: “Not because you wanted to though, and theres your difference.”

Anna: “Killing an innocent though is killing an innocent. Why are you holding me different than Gray?”

Jo: “Because you didn’t /want/ to. You didn’t do it because it made you happy or brought you joy - the same way Grey doesn’t. …While your guy on the other hand does it for kicks, and don’t even try to deny it - I know he does because I get the same when I kill something that I wanted to.” *Jo bites her lip as she finishes, staring at Anna even as she got quieter as she talked*

Anna: “Then why do you kill the monsters that have no choice but to eat humans. Do they want to because it’s them or the human? How is that justified? Do you feel the same sense of satisfaction or is it simply your duty as a hunter?” *Anna’s expressions have almost vanished as she sits looking straight at Jo, unblinking.*

Jo: “If they can’t control themselves and are hurting people, then it’s my duty to protect people. It upsets me to kill those that can’t help themselves - the monsters who can’t fight it and who aren’t aware or don’t know any more. If they have the ability to make a choice but decide to continue because that’s what they want?” *Jo shrugs her shoulder, feeling a little too analysed under Anna’s gaze* “Then I /want/ to kill them.”

Anna: “But you’re hurting them. What makes humans so supperior to monsters? You don’t like it when the angels considered you little better than trash but you are more than happy to do it monsters.” *Anna’s voice still remains flat as she starts to understand more of why Jo is bothered by Gray.*

Jo: “I don’t give a crap where any one is on the superiority scale - monsters, humans, angels, we’re all really the same, just different end destinations and paths on the way there. What I do give a crap about is whether something is killing a lot of things because they /want/ to and they want to hurt other’s and make them suffer. I care about that, and I know I fall into the second catergory but I’m trying to balance the lives that I save from being killed in future by something that can’t control themselves or want to murder them - with those I do kill. I’m hoping at the end of the day my good will balance out my bad, but if it doesn’t, then I get what I deserve as well.” *Jo shrugs again, tucking her arms tightly under her chest as she looks away from Anna, the stare completely unnerving*

Anna: “Death is death. We all live with the comfort and delusion that by killing that one we save this one in the future but when it comes down to it. We are all killers.” *Anna speaks softer now as she watches Jo still, her expression softening as well.* “Gray enjoys killing and so do you but you seem angry at Gray because he doesn’t try and justify it like you do and he doesn’t feel guilt over it.”

Jo: *Jo nods at Anna’s first comments, knowing that it’s a little childish to have that opinion but still feeling more comfortable with that theory to life. Her head jerks back around to Anna’s face at her observation about Gray, reaching a hand up to rub at the back of her neck* “..Maybe? He doesn’t care that he doesn’t have to, he’s got no reason other than his own enjoyment and he doesn’t even show any of his victims any /respect/. That’s… that’s wrong on so many levels. I’ve seen those bodies, I’ve spoken and seen some of them while they were alive.. …Ive killed them myself. And they’re just.. it’s /wrong/ how he treats them and how he acts, Anna, it’s pointlessly cruel and horrible and he just does it because its fun. Doesn’t even give them a grave or make it so the family can learn..”

Anna: “Do you notify the next of kin of the monsters you kill that have no choice? Do you leave them a grave other than a pile of ash in the middle of no where? Have you ever taken pleasure in prolonging the death of something or torturing it simply because it’s not the same species as you?”

Jo: “..Werewolves and skinwalkers. Rugaru’s I track the families. The rest it gets a little harder to identify and do anything for them, most of the time the families are dead already.” *Jo chews on her lip as she ducks her head, feeling a little ashamed of herself for admitting to even following further than her cases need to, like Anna was like the hunters from the Roadhouse who expect her to be tough* “Burning is the simplest, but even that’s the same as a grave given it’s a cremation. Gray just leaves the mangled remains where ever he’s finished with them. …And you know torture isn’t exactly my favourite thing in the world. Or something I take part in often, Anna.”

Anna: “I believe Gray would disagree with you on the torture Jo.” *Anna breathes in and she pushes her fist question more. “Those are the ones that have human families but what about those like the kitsune and djinn? They have family, structure, loved ones, do you notifiy those families or simply track them to kill them?”

Jo: “Gray is a special circumstance.” *Jo shrugs a shoulder as she says it, looking back at Anna curiously* “I don’t know, I haven’t crossed paths with a kitsune before or anything that I know have actual family structures.”

Anna: “Maybe it’s because while I want to be human to feel things and I admire all that I have seen from you since you first crawled out of the ocean that I favor you and I want to stop you from being wiped out but it doesn’t mean I put you as a species above others. It’s no longer balanced, no matter how many people monsters kill, it won’t ever hurt you as a race and perhaps it’s just their time to go. I don’t hold you and higher than I do Gray. When I put Grey down for being a monster, it’s because angels are above him and humans, equally.” *Anna leans back giving a small shrug as she looks away from Jo finally and towards the bottle of vodka*

Jo: *Jo nods her head, fisting her hands into her coat pockets* “Yeah, I know Anna. Though I’d think there were both humans and monsters who might disagree about that, but I get it. I know I favor my own kind, but I try to get rid of or have bad humans taken care of as much as I can without getting myself a one way ticket straight downstairs - and if I knew a monster who wasn’t hurting other’s needed my help, I wouldn’t say no if I could help them. It’s.. it’s hard to say though, given I’ve only met a few monster’s who try to control themselves and avoid killing and hurting people.”

Anna: “I just think you need to stop holding Gray and yourself to higher standards. He’s who he is and so are you.” *She smiles some at Jo as she stands walking over and getting the bottle, taking a drink, trying to shake the feeling she has right now.*

Jo: “He’s who he is, and who he is is against everything I stand for..” *Jo mutters in return, twisting her hands as she looks down awkwardly*

Anna: *Anna chuckles as she takes another drink before handing Jo the bottle.* “Yet you can understand him.”

Jo: “Let it never be said that my life isn’t complicated.” *She takes the bottle herself, sipping another mouthful and relaxes her shoulders a little*

Anna: *Anna nods feeling hte collar and she starts sorting herbs again, her skin crawling. She feels like an angel right now talking to Jo about this and now she feels like the collar is choking her.* “All of our lives are complicated. Angels, monsters, humans all living together and being friends.”

Jo: *Jo looks at her out of the corner of her eye as she scratches and presses at her collar, mouth tugging up on one side as she watches* “Or hating one another, depending.”

Anna: “If history repeats like they say it does then you and Gray are going to be best friends by how we started out at each other’s throats.” *Anna teases as she prepares the ones that need ground in a mortar and pestle*

Jo: “In contrast to the potential for you and Grey to start knocking boots if history really does repeat itself. …Not sure if I like either of those ideas, myself.” *Jo teases back, taking another mouthful of vodka and glad to finally feel a little less stressed or aggressive from it as she watched Anna* “…What are you doing?”

Anna: “Working on new spells and I promis to not knock boots with Grey if you don’t with Gray.” *Anna smirks a bit as she stops for another pull on the vodka, clearing her throat some.* “What’s the worse this collar does, kill me?”

Jo: “That’s a bit of a hard promise to make. Should probably get him to agree to it as well just in case.” *Jo half jokes, leaning around to look t what Anna was mixing* “Well.. I’d say yeah, killing. Or make you completely paraplegic maybe.”

Anna: “Well, then I couldn’t feel it when Crowley decides that he finally wants a piece of me. Might be a blessing.” *Anna jokes weakly as she adds more herbs and begins to grind them.* “Won’t have to worry about having just lame foot then either.”

Jo: *Jo swallows dryly looking at the other as she’s focussed on the herbs and grinding, folding her own arms and shifting a little away* “Just try not to blow yourself up while I’m in the splash zone..”

Anna: “You watch to many horror movies. My head isn’t going to explode.” *Anna takes a knife, running it over the inside of her arm, next to the other cuts and she lets the blood mix with the herbs. Human blood she muses, if she had any grace left her blood shouldn’t work but it does.*

Jo: “You can blame that on Grey these days; never know with Crowley though, do you Anna?” *Jo watches on in interest from as far away as possible*

Anna: “Is he taking refresher courses for how to be a monster?” *Anna takes a cheap shot as she draws the marks on the collar in blood and then lights a match, taking a breath as she throws it into the bowl, speaking in Enochian only to have her words choked off as the collar activates*

Jo: *Jo was meaning to reply to the crack when Anna seizes, not sure what’s going on at all and leaping off the counter to grab her as she starts falling backwards* “Anna? Anna are you okay?”

Anna: *Breathing hard she just nods, not able to speak yet. Maybe doing the rests of the tests on the bed would be smarter as Jo doesn’t let her hit the floor. If she had thought of that earlier she probably would have a few less bruises*

Jo: *She tightens an arm around Anna’s waist before pulling her back towards the bed gently, helping to set her down* “Okay, no more blood tests. I don’t think it’s going to work.” *Jo tries to shuffle Anna back as far as possible so any movement won’t have her rolling off the bed before stroking the other’s hair from her face with a small frown* “And no, he’s not. Though maybe you’re taking refresher angel ones - unless you’re just being completely stupid wiht these attempts. Does that happen every time?”

Anna: *Anna nods, the shock easing and she coughs taking a deep breath* “It sucks and sort of hurts.” She whispers with a weak laugh. “Thanks.” She relaxes slowly, her muscles unclenching. “Refuse to believe that Crowley is only way out.”

Jo: “Looks like someone was zapping you with fifty stun guns at once, Anna. That can’t be good for your heart..” *Jo sighs, looking at Anna’s clammy and sweart skin before holding up a hand* “Stay.” *She rushes into the bathroom and grabs one of the small hand towels, wetting it and coming back to rest it on Anna’s forehead* “Can’t help but think that he might be. Which is disgusting as all hell”

Anna: *The cold feels good and she closes her eyes for a moment. Jo keeps bringing things up she hadnt thought off, the shock goes down her spine she never even thought about her heart.* “Just, demon magic, not like real electricty. Crowley won’t kill his pet.” *She’s breathing easier as her chest unclenches and she reaches up with a shaking hand to move the towel down her face* “Thank you again.”

Jo: “I wouldn’t be too sure about that. He practically did kill Grey the first time he got him. Back when he had one of these.” *Jo reaches out and taps Anna’s collar with one finger gently before moving to pick up the towel for Anna and moves it as gently as possible, frowning down at the silver piece of metal* “I’d avoid doing that more than once a day though, just to be sure..”

Anna: “He killed Grey?” *Anna blinks not knowing that and she lays her head back letting Jo move the towel over her skin.* “More than once, that was number 6 today..I think..”

Jo: “I said practically. I don’t know the details, I just know it was bad..” *Jo frowns slightly, giving Anna a sharp look* “/Definitely/ no more tests today. Honestly, you thought that was a good idea?”

Anna: “No. Never said it was. Only one that can’t hurt anyone else.” *Anna winces as she looks away as Jo gives her a look.* “Tried to get Gray to try and pull it off, just ignore the shocking but he wouldn’t. Never actually finished spell, hard to speak when your jaw locks up.”

Jo: “I’d go ahead and hazard a guess that it isn’t coming off then, because I don’t know anyone who will willingly help you or hurt you.” *Jo sighs,folding the towel into a long strip and leaving it across Anna’s neck right near where her skin was slightly red from the collar’s reaction*

Anna: “Maybe provoke Grey, he wouldn’t care.” *Anna reaches up, rubbing the collar.* “This sucks, trade problems? Can be upset over not wanting to kill someone you can have new jewelry.”

Jo: “He’d know it was helping you, I doubt he’d want to do that..” *Jo sighs, sounding a little bitter when she says it before an idea strikes her making her laugh awkwardly* “I wonder if I had taken Crowley up on his offer if I’d have been given a key.. And I think I’ll keep my own problems, thanks.”

Anna: “Offer?” *Anna looks at Jo blinking several times as she feels her body wanting to shut down but she doesn’t want to sleep.*

Jo: “I keep you 'pets’ in line.. take you out for exercise, stop any harm coming to them - and Mom gets a free ride up to Heaven and a long happy life with no problems.” *Jo shrugs, looking down at Anna as she blinks blearily* “I told him to fuck off.”

Anna: “Still doing it though. Won’t let Grey and I fight, telling me I’m stupid for this, bringing a cold towel.” *Anna’s blinks are getting longer as her words slur worse and worse. “Could use massage if pampering pets..”

Jo: “I’d rather do it without the connection and feeling like I’ve sold my soul to the devil.” *Jo sighs, watching her carefully before smiling slightly* “You’re not a pet, Anna, 'least not to me. Roll on your front if you want, otherwise just nod off. I’ll take care of everything.”

Anna: “Take care of Gray?” *Anna asks as she gives up the fight and let’s her body’s demand for sleep take her. She’s relaxed there with Jo, only other person besides Gray she feels totally at ease around when they aren’t fighting.

Jo: *Jo looks uncomfortable for a second, frowning as Anna seems to slip off slightly* “I’ll see what I can do.” *She waits until Anna’s out cold to stand up, taking the towel with her as she starts packing away the bowl of herbs and generally cleaning up and replacing the towel with another before pulling out her phone to play with instead of just leaving*

#2 - This is when and how Jo tells Anna about Gray. Not sure if seen before or if I’ve posted before.

Jo: *Jo’d waited a few hours at home, showering to wash what blood she’d gotten on her off, before heading across town to Anna’s - debating the whole time what she should and shouldn’t say. Distractedly, she knocks on the front door a quick beat until she sees the light under the door and just pushes the door open heading in* “So, I’ve got some good news and some… news. Which you want first, Anna?”

Anna: *Anna is cleaning up the apartment when she hears the knock on the door and before she can even take two steps she see’s Jo walk in and the other woman’s expression tells her that this isn’t a social call. She raises a brow at how Jo just starts the conversation and she leans against the counter she was cleaning.* “News.”

Jo: *She reaches up to rub at the back of her neck, kicking the door shut gently behind her and diverting her eyes from Anna as she brushes past to put the bed between them* “Well, I’ve seen Gray..”

Anna: *Anna nods, not liking how Jo is hesitating.* “And?”

Jo: “He’s.. …not exactly himself.” *Jo finally looks over at Anna, shifting a few steps further back, not sure what her reaction would be* “But I’m doing what you asked.”

Anna: *Anna looks at Jo half expecting to hear that she found him dead and the good news being she wasn’t the one that killed him. Hearing Gray isn’t himself only increases her worry.* “What do you mean he isn’t himself? Crowley?”

Jo: “Yeah, Crowley was involved. Dropped him off on me as a little task.” *Jo shrugs a shoulder as she speaks, watching Anna carefully* “He’s still him, but.. not really the same as always.”

Anna: *Anna runs a hand over her face and through her hair as she gives Jo a look of frustration when the blond woman keeps talking in circles.* “Jo, what happened?”

Jo: “He doesn’t want you to know.” *She spits it out quickly, deciding not to elaborate on exactly what seems to have happened just yet* “The good news is it doesn’t seem like Crowley literally bent him over at least.”

Anna: *Anna takes a breath before giving Jo a look, glaring somewhat at her.* “Good..you..Jo. What. Happened? and Where. Is. Gray?”

Jo: “I, uh.. He doesn’t want you to know that either. I tried to bring him here and he freaked out on me.” *Jo shifts awkwardly under Anna’s glare, rubbing at her neck again before adding very quickly* “He also seems to have had his powers surpressed and can’t do anything.”

Anna: “So Gray is locked in his body?” *Anna closes her eyes praying for patience in dealing with Jo.* “If he doesn’t want me to know then why are you telling me? You might as well tell me where he.” *Crossing her arms she stares at Jo expecting an answer.*

Jo: “Um, more than that.. He tried to set things alit and stuff, but it didn’t work, and now I think about it he seems to have tried disappearing or feeding and none of that worked too.” *Jo gives Anna a significant look, raising an eyebrow before shrugging back at her* “Because, if I tell you where he is then I’m going to go ahead and say he’s not going to let me keep taking care of him. Like you asked, and seemingly Crowley wants me to. But I’m telling you about it because you deserve to know.”

Anna: “Jo…” *Anna frowns as Jo keeps telling her about what Crowley did and she’s worried about Gray knowing him and how badly he acted before when hurt but now he can’t feed?* “Tell me where he is, you can’t expect to tell me this and just sit back!” *She’s biting her lip at the idea of Jo taking care of Gray, it’s her place, she’s always done it before.*

Jo: *When Anna doesn’t seem likely to throw something at her, Jo shifts moving closer, twisting a hand in her hair as she looks about awkwardly almost* “He doesn’t want you to see him like this, Anna. You know him, he’s too goddamn proud to let you see him like he is right now.”

Anna: *Anna gives Jo a look of total annoyance rolling her eyes as she goes over and grabs her bag, putting clothes and other supplies inside of it.* “Do you know how many times he’s told me to go away because his pride has been hurt? I never listened before. So you can tell me or I can start looking around town for him myself.”

Jo: “Anna, stop. Okay? I’ll tell you as soon as the stitches can come out, okay? And this isn’t..” *Jo sighs, moving over to grab Anna’s bag and holding it away* “There is something seriously wrong, and I’m fairly certain that he will run and never come back if you show up and find him now.”

Anna: “Damn it Jo! Give it back!” *Anna lunges for the pack glaring at Jo as she says something about stitches.* “You think there’s something wrong? Of course there is something wrong! If Gray had picked the other choice then he wouldn’t be in this mess and it’s not your place to take care of him, you don’t even like him. How do I know you won’t just kill him??”

Jo: “Ya know he said that too. 'Should have let him fuck me’.” *Jo’s voice drops down in the impersonation, jerking the pack to the other side away from Anna* “Am I the only one who thinks theres something wrong with that thought? And you asked me to Anna, you asked me to take care of him - so I damn well will even if I don’t want to. I had the option to kill him, he was right there and weak and I /didn’t/ because you asked me not to!”

Anna: “He..No! That isn’t what I’m talking about! How could you think that is..” *Anna is clenching her fists tempting to take a swing at Jo, she’s never fucking listened to anyone why is she starting now!* “He ..just never mind Jo! Tell me where he is damn it!”

Jo: *Jo turns her head but not quick enough, feeling the ache through her chin as she tosses the pack over the far side of the room* “Well that’s what he’s talkin’ about, Anna. He is regretting /that/ choice, not the one protecting you. So, I figure I owe him one right about now - so I’ll keep my agreement with him about you.”

Anna: *Anna turns walking towards the door, fuck Jo and fuck Gray for not wanting to see her. She’s got nothing but time until Crowley comes back to have fun with her so she can easily start walking the city and looking for where Jo might be keeping Gray.*

Jo: *Looking between Anna and the pack, Jo moves over to grab it before catching up to Anna* “How 'bout I take this over for him, along with anything else /other/ than you you want to pass along, and I’ll see how he feels 'boutt seeing you now he’s had some time to adjust?”

Anna: *Anna stops still visibly pissed at Jo and she doesn’t say anything at first but then she just nods.* “If I don’t hear anything by tomorrow then you can tell him that when I do find him, he’s going to be in so much trouble.” *Opening the door she waits for Jo to leave.*

Jo: *Jo barely restrains herself from muttering that she’s guessing he isn’t going to be the only one, shrugging the pack onto her shoulder with a nod* “I’ll get him to send you a message then.” *Stepping out into the hall, she raises an eyebrow checking there was nothing else*

Anna: “Also tell him I’m pissed at not wanting to see me. He’s an ass.” *Anna shuts the door on Jo turning around and walking back to the bed before flopping down and resisting the urge to scream and throw things.* “Stupid stubborn jackass!”

#3 - After Anna was a stalker and Gray yelled at Jo about Anna showing up…

Anna: *The sun was going down as Anna walks down the street. She’s staying close to the building, walking slowly as she makes way across town. She just keeps telling herself to get to Gray and she can not think about things for a while. She’s sure people think she’s drunk or on something by the way she stumbles and she wishes she was, it would make everything more bearable she thinks.*

Jo: *Jo was heading back away from the motel, planning to talk to the other shadow about a few things - mostly for his protection or to calm down the potential outburst she could feel would happen with Gray as he was - when she spots Anna coming from the other direction. It looks like she might have been drinking but Jo isn’t sure, and moving closer, Jo wonders what she should say - if at all*

Anna: *Anna isn’t looking up, watching the sidewalk more than the people around her. She keeps telling herself it’s just a few more blocks as she mentally prepares herself for Gray to reject her again. She doesn’t want to fight with him right now, just to lay down with him and sleep.*

Jo: *When they’re practically on top of one another, she figures from the look of the other - downcast eyes and the occasional stumble - that something has to be said* “Heading to see Gray? Can you make sure he takes another pill with whatever food if you’re there long enough?” *Her tones a bit harder than she meant it to be, but Jo’s having trouble keeping it from being outrightly hostile as it is*

Anna: *Anna startles hearing Jo right up on her and she swallows and nods.* “If he will let me in sure.” *She’s feeling sick as she tries to step around Jo, not looking up at the blond woman hearing the hostile tone in her voice.*

Jo: “He seemed pretty insistent you weren’t going to be coming back. I guess you’ll give him a hell of a surprise.” *Jo quickly takes in how Anna’s looking, not sure the slightly abnormal colour of her cheeks was a good thing*

Anna: “Probably should go back but I don’t care..” *Anna shrugs as she starts walking again, Crowley never said she couldn’t see Gray and she intends to see him as much as she can or at least till Crowley makes it where she can’t when he starts his visits.* “Thanks Jo, for taking care of him. Don’t think I ever said that before.”

Jo: *Jo turns, watching her, not sure if she should tag along before she catches Anna’s thanks and decides to walk with her for a while* “No, you didn’t actually. You asked me to though, so I am. Benefits everybody if I do.” *She shrugs her shoulder, falling into step but staying a littler further away than normal* “Try to keep him off his leg if you can, too.”

Anna: *Anna nods again to Jo.* “Gray should be fine and if you can, could you kill Crowley faster?” *She stops leaning on the wall of an abandoned building.* “You should probably keep your distance from me.”

Jo: *Jo stops when Anna does, looking between their feet when Anna says something about distance - shrugging and smiling to herself slightly at the idea that distance would have much effect on anything* “I’ll see what I can do. And if you’re saying that because of Crowley - he knows I got the memo, so I’m not exactly on the hit list anymore. If you’re talking about what happened..”

Anna: “No I’m talking about you killing him and he’s going to be around a lot more.” *She’s not sure if she wants to tell Jo what happened or if she needs to but she feels like after their last fight it wouldn’t be a good idea.* “Grey’s safe too. Not going after him.”

Jo: “Thats..a change.” *Jo stares across at Anna, eyebrows knitting in the middle as she tries to work out what might have caused it other than that Crowley had said something. Crowley was always saying something. Shaking her head, she nods towards the direction of the motel with a sigh* “Well, Im trying where Crowleys concerned, but Im going to need to be near Gray a lot with some of his injuries..”

Anna: “I’m not going to stay with Gray for long, I just want to be there tonight.” *Anna shrugs some as she reaches up with a hand wiping her face.* “I did something that he’s going to yell about or maybe not with the way he’s acting now. I don’t know..”

Jo: “Like I say, he’s not expecting you back. All the fun fight in him’s gone out.” *She sighs, not sure what Anna might have done and not really knowing if its still her place to know considering* “I’m rather amazed I’m not still yelling about what I know you’ve done, let alone anything you might have done since. But I’d figure he’ll blink at you and follow orders or something, given that’s all he’s been doin’ when I’ve been over.”

Anna: “Go a head and yell.” *Anna keeps her mouth shut about the fact Crowley doesn’t care if she tried to take Grey out now, Jo might just hit her this time and she shrugs again about Gray.* “Crowley planned that well, breaking Gray..”

Jo: “I think you figured out how I’m feeling about what happened, Anna.” *She grits the words out, crossing her arms as she looks back at the redhead* “He did. Though it’s really fucking annoying that he’s leaving others to deal with the mess of a monster rather than having his fun and being done.”

Anna: *Anna pushes off the building walking again.* “He won’t bother Gray again so your job just got easier.”

Jo: “You’d think that. I can’t say Crowley’s appearance would help or hinder it one way or the other actually. Unless he can, and will, zap the idiots personality back in place” *Jo sighs watching Anna push off, not moving to follow but calling out* “Whatever you’ve done, I hope it’s worth it, Anna.”

Anna: *Anna doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t regret it but she’s scared about it. Gray’s hotel finally comes in view and she sags seeing it there and she walks a bit faster.*

Jo: *When Anna keeps moving forward, Jo turns back towards home, setting off and not quite sure what to make of what just occured*

#4 - Jo still being a good friend and getting Anna’s collar off for her.

Jo: *Jo wasn’t too sure about what Anna wanted, though her talk with Ruby the day before suggested that that might be what was going to be what it was about without the other even needing to say it. Stashing the dagger into the holder she used to have around her back all the time, but now just when out, she went over to the other’s - paranoid that she’d lose the weapon or someone would attack, before

Jo: knocking on the door sharply*

Anna: *Anna hears the knock and she walks over to the door opening it. She looks at Jo and then steps aside.* “Ruby said you can get the collars off.” *She’s annoyed by now at everything she can’t reach where Ruby pricked her and it’s sore and she can’t figure out Jo’s motives and just everything and everyone can go to hell.*

Jo: *She’s surprised by Anna’s expression and how pissy she seems but figures something must have happened to cause it as she follows Anna in, kicking the door shut behind her* “Yeah, I can. I’m guessing you’re more than ready to get that thing off?”

Anna: “Why do you have something like that?” *Anna moves back to the bed sitting down staring at Jo. Crowley plays games and she’s wondering what this one is and what’s Jo’s part.*

Jo: “Because I do. Did you want it off or did you want to play spanish inquisition?” *Jo replies, moving closer but keeping her back away from Anna* “Turn around the other way so I can get to the back of it.”

Anna: *Anna turns pulling her hair aside and she huffs* “If that thing can break the collars off it should be able to unbind Gray.”

Jo: *Jo doesn’t make any comment, glad Anna was facing away as her face flushes brightly and she’s unable to control the look that crosses her face. Fumbling the dagger out, she grabs a hold of the collar as gently as possible as she presses the tip of the blade to the top of the metal* “This might zap for a few seconds” *Warning Anna before twisting and pushing harshly for the invisible join*

Anna: *Anna braces herself feeling Jo work her fingers between the collar and her skin and she bites her lip as the shock starts, her body jerking and then she falls forward when the collar opens and she’s left breathing hard.*

Jo: *The second the collar is open, Jo moves away, slipping the dagger back into the holster before moving forward to help* “Hey, hows that? Never going to feel that again from that collar.”

Anna: “Till Crowley gets angry at it being off..but whatever..” *Anna sits up rubbing her neck glad it’s gone for now and she turns with a wince as she faces Jo again.* “You never said anything about it working on Gray.”

Jo: “Yeah, but then I’ll just take the next one off as well.” *Jo shrugs a shoulder, schooling her face as blankly as possible at Anna’s second comment before shrugging again* “I didn’t, yeah.”

Anna: “So it does but you don’t want to tell me that it does. Why is that Jo?” *Anna tries to not sound accusing but it’s hard as she reaches back rubbing her shoulder. She wants to give Jo the benifit of the doubt and believe Jo has a good reason for not telling her.*

Jo: *Jo pulls a face, running a hand through her hair as she tried to think of a response* “Because it won’t until Crowley wants it to.”

Anna: “And Crowley wants you to get the collars off? Maybe I’ll just call Ruby back and find out. And thanks for letting me find out from her about this and not from you.” *Anna raises a brow at Jo’s explination*

Jo: “I.. didn’t know that it would work on the collars. There are reasons it works on them just fine and won’t work on Gray, okay?” *Jo snips back, crossing her arms under her chest as she stares back at Anna* “And Ruby knows jack shit.”

Anna: “It’s amazing what she can know though if the right deal is made.” *Anna challenges watching Jo carefully and she shakes her head.*

Jo: “Maybe that’s true, but you’d have to know and trust me it’s not going to be worth whatever she asks you to trade off about it. If nothing else, because you’re not going to be able to get it off of me /to/ unbind him, Anna.” *Jo’s look darkens slightly as she shrugs a shoulder again, not sure what Anna would do if she did get a hold of it* “Not that it would work yet, anyway.”

Anna: “Fine then explain to me why it won’t work yet. What’s Crowley’s game.” *Anna’s trying to remain civil, there’s a way to get Gray back to normal and Jo’s stalling.*

Jo: “Because other hoops have to be jumped through, and you don’t know them.” *Jo’s not sure what to do, the way the conversation has turned makes her extremely uncomfortable, especially since she figures Anna would try to remove the other so called 'hoop’ without a second thought* “Crowley’s punishing me for calling him and telling him to leave you alone or let Gray go. Thats his game, nothing else.”

Anna: *Anna runs her hand through her hair and she looks at Jo before taking a deep breath.* “And what are these hoops? What makes them so hard that you aren’t jumping are do you simply intend to leave Gray like he is and hope he or I never found out?”

Jo: “Well, I - unlike you - see some benefits to him being the way he is at the moment, so even if there weren’t any other circumstances I’d be reluctant to get rid of /all/ of the restrictions he has right now.” *Jo replies, sneering slightly as she speaks - more to herself than Anna.* “I’m not going to tell you what they are, Anna, and I’m not going to do any of them. I am unwilling to be responsible for them or for them to happen.”

Anna: “Then you can leave and lose my number Jo.” *Anna isn’t going to scream or fight and she isn’t going to tell Gray that there’s a way to release him that Jo’s to much of a bitch to do it. Standing up she walks to the bed room and shuts the door, locking Jo out.*

Jo: *Jo glares at Anna’s comment, rolling her eyes before calling out* “Fine!” *Rubbing at the back of her neck, figuring Anna would get over it by whenever Gray’s unbound again or adjusts to the way he is, she heads out the front door - shutting the door behind her as she heads home, hand careful to double and triple check her dagger every few feet*

#5 - Jo the psycho knife wielder that I’ve posted before…

Jo: *Jo’d waited until the other was settled enough that she could slip off - already know exactly where she did and didn’t want to go. The second she got in front of the slightly beat up doorway, she was knocking. Hard. Grey’d given her the idea that Anna might have been involved, but the blonde woman was really hoping that wouldn’t be the case as she keeps thudding on the door* “Anna, open up!”

Anna: *Anna hasn’t drank all night and she can feel it, she’s nervous and anxious waiting to hear back from Ruby and wondering if Gray will be alright once it’s done. There’s no promis that she’ll even see him after this so she doesn’t know. She’s almost asleep when the hard knock on her door makes her jump and for a moment she hopes but then she hears Jo’s voice, sighing she yells it’s open*

Jo: *Taking in the other’s appearance for a second, Jo shoulders her way past her roughly to stalk around the room, as though looking for signs of the other monster or anything which might give a hint. The small bowl sitting on the kitchen counter full of summoning pieces makes the thought Anna wasn’t involved drift away a little, but she reassures herself it could have been old* “Hi Anna, you do anything interesting last night?” *Jo’s tone is sharp, a forced sense of familiarity and niceness behind it as she pins the other woman with a look*

Anna: *Anna rolls her eyes at Jo’s agression. It must be done whatever had to have happened by the way the blond hunter is acting and she closes the door.* “I went and saw Gray, he’s still fevered and I’m worried about the fact his leg isn’t getting better despite the pills.” *Anna crosses her arms looking at Jo, questioning why the other woman hasn’t taken care of this problem.*

Jo: “Oh? I doubt that’s going to be an issue much longer though, right?” *Jo hisses out, keeping a scowl off her face with as much control as she can. That Gray was still sick when Anna last saw him was interesting, so whatever happened Anna musn’t have been there for it.*

Anna: “Why are you planning to finally break the marks on his back?” *Anna raises an eyebrow at Jo. She can feel her heart racing and she’s suddenly glad Ruby didn’t give her details of what must have happened by how pissed Jo seems now.*

Jo: *Jo glares this time at the almost accusing sound to the other’s question, crossing her arms tightly and digging her fingers into the muscle of her own arms rather than give into the temptation to hit something* “I would /never/ have done that Anna. Not with what it required to do otherwise.” *Swallowing down the option to throw her own accusation, the blonde quirks an eyebrow back at Anna*

Anna: “And what does that require Jo? What could possibly be so bad you are leaving Gray like he is with an infection that might kill him because obviously his body without his healing powers can’t handle it!” *Anna is this time the one close to screaming as she walks over to Jo, glaring at her as she challenges Jo.*

Jo: “Aside from the fact I’m a /hunter/ and his being powerless is a /good thing/ for everyone else?” *Jo fires back, tilting her head up slightly as she meets Anna’s challenge. After a beat she shakes her head and lets out a sharp laugh* “Like I fucking said, that’s not going to be a problem any more, and honestly maybe it’ll give him a bit more respect for those of us he exposes to the potential of what /was/ killing him, hmm?”

Anna: “It’s not a good thing for me!” *Anna practically screams at Jo before turning around and walking off away from Jo before she gives into the urge to punch Jo.* “So what are you saying, someone broke the bindings on Gray? Or have you just decided to kill him for the greater good?”

Jo: “One in seven fucking billion, Anna.” *The pitch and volume of Anna’s voice makes Jo cringe before snapping back at her, snarling when Anna makes the suggestion that she was just going to kill Gray as he was* “Why would I fucking bother doing all the rest of it if I was just going to do that? Fuck you. You saying you didn’t know? That you didn’t ask some demon to set your little boyfriend loose on the world?”

Anna: “And what if I fucking did? What? Are you going to hunt me now Jo? I’m sure that if it was Grey like this and I was the one refusing you would do what you could to unbind him!” *Glaring at Jo she points at the door.* “You can fucking leaven now.”

Jo: *The second Anna mentions Grey being the same as the other, Jo springs into motion without even thinking about it, hands snapping out to shove the other woman back towards the wall. Following through, one hand clasps around the front of Anna’s throat as the other reaches to her back to pull out the still bloody dagger she’d not bothered cleaning* “You’d be right about Grey being like that. What do you think the fucking catch was?! I would have freed your fuckin’ asshole - or at least most of him - if it didnt mean I’d have to carve up someone I love! Would you have fuckin done that for Grey if it was the other way? Would you have carved the fuck out of your little monsters back so he could be unbound?! I DON’T FUCKING THINK SO!” *She waves the dagger as she presses tighter against her neck*

Anna: *Anna blinks as Jo suddenly attacks her and she tries to get Jo’s hand off her throat as Jo presses her back against the wall. The fact that Grey was carved up like Gray makes her laughs suddenly and she lifts up her leg with the plastic brace, kicking Jo as hard as she can before letting go of Jo’s hand around her throat and slapping Jo hard.* “You love? What happened to the fact you’re a hunter and you’re in love with a monster?”

Jo: *She lets out a yelp at the kick, stumbling back at Anna’s slap before fisting her hands and throwing a punch at Anna’s face with her empty one before slashing out towards the other’s cheek and mouth with the other holding the dagger.* “I never said /in/ love, you bitch. And if you’re laughin’ at Grey being cut up - I’m more than happy to give you a taste of just how fuckin’ funny it is!”

Anna: *Anna tries to jerk her head back away from the punch and she forgets how close to the wall she is and she feels both connect before a stinging pain hits her cheek, the tip of hte dagger cutting her.* “So, guess that puts me with how I rank with you then because you’re obviously willing to carve me up for Grey but your pissed at the fact I wanted you to free Gray?” *Reaching up she wipes the blood off her cheek as she shoves Jo back, grabbing the blond woman’s wrist with the dagger and twisting to try and make her let go.*

Jo: “Actually I’m pissed that you’re pissed that I wouldn’t.” *Jo sneers back, digging her nails into her palm around the dagger as Anna triest to twist it out of her hand. Bringing her other fist up again she punches towards Anna’s closest ear, trying to tug free of her with a hiss* “I’m not pissed you wanted me to free him - I’d have felt the same in reverse, I’m fuckin’ pissed you completely wrote me off as your fuckin’ friend because I dared to say no to you!”

Anna: *Anna lets go of Jo as the blow to the ear makes her head explode in pain and she lets go of Jo, reaching up to cover that ear as she can’t hear anything but a ringing out of it now.* “My friend? When have we been friends? We’ve fucked, we’ve hunted together and we get drunk together but when have we been friends? I mean you tell me Jo? Putting hunting first? Grey leaves me in an alley and you don’t give a shit about that. Other than telling you what you want to hear and fucking you what has he done for you besides turned Ellen over to Crowley?”

Jo: “We were, and I’ve considered you as one rup until now. I was willing to overlook your shit the same way as I overlook Grey’s or any other friend of mine’s, Anna. I could overlook your sleeping with someone who wanted to kill me, your rejection that hunting was my /job/ and my /life/, your attempts on my other friends’ lives - but you can’t overlook my wanting to hunt and everything after that’s just another nail with you.” *Jo steps back several feet, dropping her hands to her sides but keeps spinning the dagger in her hand as she looks at the other* “I could say the same about Gray, what the fuck has he done for you, because I haven’t seen any of it. And you’ve seen /nothing/ of what Grey’s done for me, Anna. And I’ve seen /nothing/ of what you’ve done for me anymore either.”

Anna: *Anna laughs at the things Jo is saying and she leans back against the wall, her ear still ringing and she fixes Jo with a look.* “I wasn’t the first person to sleep with Gray. And I’ve never made an attempt on your other friends. Threats maybe but he’s the one that’s come far closer to killing me but that’s okay it seems. And as far as your hunting, there are other things in life. God didn’t make you the single hunter responsible for the world stop acting like you’re the only one out there! You aren’t that special Jo even if Grey says you are. He’s lying to make you feel better about your failures in that relationship too.”

Jo: *Jo opens her mouth to reply before Anna keeps going, staring at her almost unhearingly before she storms forward again, knee raising straight up to the other’s stomach before grabbing at Anna’s hair with her empty hand* “I’m not dellusional like you, Anna. I know I’m not the most important, top thing in the world. Maybe you need to get the fucking message.” *She grits it out, twisting her hand in Anna’s hair to smash her head back against the wall before tugging her forward to do it again* “I’m not the only one out there, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be out there. I know I’m not special, and neither are fucking you.” *Dragging Anna up with her hand, Jo hisses at her glaring her straight in the eye*

Anna: *Anna’s blinking as Jo stares at her, swallowing back the sick feeling she can’t help but laugh as Jo seems to think she feels she’s the most important thing and she doesn’t stop laughing even with the pounding her head.* “I’m not important, I’ve never been important. You and the rest of the world and Heaven have made that absolutely clear. Go a head Jo because I hope it hurt when Grey was carved and I hope that while he’s powerless I get the chance to end him because this time, I will.”

Jo: *Anna’s laughing throws her off, wrinkling her nose as she tries to work out what she’s laughing about before just opting to knee her again like cutting off the air will stop it. Jo doesn’t believe Anna’s comments about herself, but sneers back at her as Jo lifts the dagger up again - this time pressing it against the branded name on Anna’s neck* “Too late for that, Anna. But lets see how you enjoy what I had to do to set everything right again.” *Keeping her face straight, the mask of indifference she got during the start of a hunt slipping over her sneer, Jo slices through the mark once, deeper than need be, and then another two times as she stares Anna down*

Anna: *Anna stops as Jo hits her again and she’s gasping when Jo begins to cut the brand and it burns as the mark breaks and she’s twisting to get out of Jo’s hold as the hunter cuts her twice more.* “Fuck you Jo…” *She’s breathing hard trying to get her breath back as she blinks back the tears as the cuts keep burning.* “You didn’t do anything to put things right…”

Jo: “And neither did you! You broke everything for your selfishness, Anna-” *She cries back, fisting her hand in Anna’s hair and shoving her towards the bed as she spins the dagger again in her other hand. Jo’s finding it easier to ignore how bad this makes her feel when she squashes it down with the anger she was feeling about it all.* “All I’m doing is cleaning up your mess and finishing the job.”

Anna: *Struggling as Jo tries to push her to the bed she kicks back at Jo, ignoring the pain as her hair twists. The blood is running down her neck, soaking into her shirt and part of her wishes Jo would just end it.* “And when are you going to clean up your own messes. Crowley, Ellen, everything else. When are you going to admit that you caused this whole thing! I tried to leave before but no you can’t stand the idea of being alone so you forced me back. So who’s fault is this really Jo??”

Jo: *Groaning at the kicks, Jo shoves Anna before following her, pinning her down with a sharp blow to her knee and holding the other woman down beneath her as she presses the edge of the blade just above Crowley’s brand* “Fine, I’ve fucked up - I’ve brought this entire fucking thing on all of us! You fuckin’ happy now?” *She drops her gaze from Anna’s face to her neck before letting the hatred at everything happening guide her hand as she cuts it again until the word was practically unrecognisable* “I’ve done every fucking thing wrong so we’d get to this point - you’d be Crowley’s happy little bitch, Gray’d be somewhere on the loose again and everything else is at knife point! That we’d destroy whatever fuckin’ friendship we had left when you put a monster above me all those months ago, and now I’d do the same to you.”

Anna: *Anna is reaching back, clawing at the hand in her hair when the blow to her knee sends her down on the bed, she’s reaching back trying to grab anything she can on Jo to make the woman let go of her but her efforts are stopped when Jo begins to cut her again and she screams into the bed.* “Boo..fucking..hoo..” *She’s not caring about Jo and she just wants the bitch off of her.* “Yes Gray’s free and I’m not going to stop him from going after anyone he wants too now including you! I put you above everyone till now and you can’t stand that I’ve put Gray first because for once I’m selfish!”

Jo: “Liar!” *Jo shakes her head, slamming the but of the blade against Anna’s mouth when she claws and screams, before sitting up straight and slamming both her fists down at the other’s chest - careful only in the sense of keeping the dagger pointed away from the other.* “You fucking liar! Everything’s been for you, every fucking thing is so you can be in control of the garrison down here! You brought strangers into my house, you belittled me and took everything out on me, you made it a choice between what you wanted and getting screamed at for doing what I wanted! You’re fucking liar, I’ve never been first - it’s never been what I wanted or what’s best for me! Just whatever you thinks right!” *She’s shaking as she screams down at the other before ripping at her shirt and starting to slice through anywhere she sees the demon’s name* “I’m never first, I never win, and I’m fucking tired of it! Bring it on Anna, bring it fucking on. You! Gray! Crowley! Who-the-fuck-ever! Bring it fucking on because I’m done with this!”

Anna: *Anna doesn’t say anything, Jo’s screaming is confusing her and then the pain is making it hard especially when Jo starts to slash her and she can’t help but scream as some of the cuts go deep. She doesn’t get what Jo means, garrison here on earth..she never wanted that she never wanted to be in control but then one thing Jo says does get through and when Jo slows down and she can speak without choking Anna does but it’s not very loud.* “You’re house..I thought I was bringing people into our house who needed a place because they didn’t fit in with the rest of the world..like us..”

Jo: *Jo’s hands raised to cut again when Anna speaks again, staring down at her and the bloody mess that was all over the both of them, jaw clenching tightly as the words sink in - bringing about the moment again when she was last in a position like this, powering over a monster and being disgusted by herself, feeling the same feelings bubble up. Leaning back, she looks between Anna’s face and her hand, glaring before shaking her head* “You were. You were bringing in people who needed a place because they didn’t fit.. but not like us. Like /you/. I know my place in the world, I always have - it’s you who doesn’t, same as Harry and Lily.. You don’t know where you fit, but me?” *Waving her hand, Jo looks down and sees one more brand untouched, pressing the blade down on it and dragging along it - breaking it before looking back up at the other’s face* “This is where I fit. You just didn’t want me to.”

Anna: *Anna whimpers as Jo cuts her again, she can’t move without hurting now and she’s clenching her fists in the covers of the bed.* “Fought with you mostly because I didn’t want you doing things the way you were..not that you were doing them..I couldn’t bring you back if you died and I didn’t want you to be killed.” *Swallowing back the feeling to be sick again Anna looks up at Jo and she’s covered blood but it seems fitting.* “Everyone forgets humans can be monsters too, I guess I did too when it came to you.”

Jo: “I guess you did.” *Jo glares down at her before shifting off, standing up when it’s obvious Anna can’t move, wiping the dagger off on a part of her shirt that wasn’t covered in blood before tucking it back into the back loop of her jeans* “Forgot where demons come from, and how we’re just as bad as the things that go bump in the night. /Worse/ because we can hide it.” *She shoots Anna a look, as she runs her bloody hand through her hair before adding quietly* “You’re welcome for making it so Gray won’t be completely repulsed by you when he comes past for dinner.” *Sneering, Jo grabs one of Anna’s jackets and pulls it on as she heads out the door.“

Anna: *Anna lays there and she blinks several times and before Jo’s out the door she tells Jo what she came here to know.* "It was me Jo..I did it..and I don’t regret it..”

Jo: *Jo stops as she’s about to shut the door before turning back to Anna, hand sticky on the door knob* “Then I don’t regret this.” *Her voice stays flat but her face says the complete opposite, before she closes the door behind herself and tucks her hand into the jacket, rushing back towards home as quickly as possible*

#6 - The weird bullshit type for chats I got dragged into doing sometimes. Usually as a form of saving Anna again or just cause Jenna had an idea. ..

Anna: *Woman sits at a desk, looking over a patient file, picking up the phone she calls the last known number.*

Jo: *Jo didn’t want to get out of bed until she heard the telltale sign of her phone ringing down in the lounge. Untangling herself, she heads down and picks up, mumbling* “Ello..?”

Anna: “Goodmorning, this is Mrs. Jones with Duluth General Hospital, is this Jo Harvelle?”

Jo: “Er.. yeah? I don’t have any test results waiting, I haven’t gotten any appointments and I’m not interested in donating for the new wing..”

Anna: “I’m calling on behalf of Anna Miltion. You are the last known contact and she didn’t put down a new contact. Before we go any further do you wish to remain her contact or should her case be turned over to a case worker and patient advocate?”

Jo: “What… what do you mean her case? What’s she in for?” *Jo asks the questions but can already figure out what’s going on, not sure why she’s not getting a visit from the cops instead of a hospital call* “If you can’t answer that without my saying yes, then yeah, I’ll stay the contact.”

Anna: “Very well Miss Harvelle.” *The sounds of typing is heard for a moment before the older woman continues.* “Miss Milton brought herself in the other night with several lacerations to her face, neck and torso. She claims they were self inflicted but it’s clear that she could not have done them all herself even though she was in the middle of an apparent mental breakdown.”

Jo: “Self inflicted.. Is she okay? Is she going to be alright… laceration wise?”

Anna: “Physically yes, none of the lacerations were life threatening though she had lost a lot of blood. What concerns the hospital now is they appear over several older scars in the same area. It shows on Anna’s records at once point she had a legal gaurdian, is she still considered declared mentally imcompetant?”

Jo: “/No/!” *Jo rushes to say, cringing at how loud her voice was and pausing to look up the stairway in case she woke Grey, turning about and heading out to the back step before answering more fully* “No, she’s not mentally incompetant. She’s had therapy from.. Dr White and he can attest that she’s recovering and stable these days.” *She stumbles for a second over which doctor cover she had on hand at the bar*

Anna: *More typing is heard in the background.* “As it stands the hospital my have her declared again. Miss Milton came in saying she was an angel and that God was punishing her and that every time she dies it’s only a new punishment. Since waking from the anesthesia she has lapsed into a catatonic state.”

Jo: “I really don’t think you should do that, Mrs.. Jones, was it? Her doctor has deemed her to not be a danger to herself /or/ others, and as you said her wounds weren’t capable to be fully self inflicted.” *Jo doesn’t stop the hard edge in her voice, cringing after the slightly threatening tone came out* “Obviously she’s dealing with a stressful situation, as her records say, her coping comes from a religious background..”

Anna: “I understand and for now once it’s seen there is no infection Miss Milton will be moved to the psychiatric ward if she doesn’t come emerge from her current state. The doctors would like to have a meeting with you as soon as you can come in, when should I tell them you will be down?”

Jo: “I can be there in half an hour, and I would prefer she have a private room if possible - of course the charge will be paid like last time.” *Jo’s gritting her teeth already, not comfortable at all but the small amount of guilt at going so far against Anna made her feel it was necessary - glad that the bar’s accounts did make money legally and she was still recorded as the account owner*

Anna: “Very well I’ll inform the doctors. Thank you for your time Miss Harvelle.”

Jo: *Jo doesn’t bother responding, just hanging up and heading upstairs to get changed*

[wakandascrystal]

Imagine this….Part 2

“…so if I fuck some guy here……..you won’t care?”

He flexed his jaw and his eyes flinched. You could see it would obliviously bother him but he swayed his head signaling a no.

“Its your pussy mah do what you have to do.“

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 

“You should have fucked somebody at that damn club...maybe a white boy with red hair just to rub it in. If Malik tried that shit with me it would have been over.“ Tinah said boldly

“You mean your relationship?” You asked softly.

Your hoarse voice clearly giving away how much crying you had done the night before.

“Nah I mean his life.” Usually, you would have laughed at a funny remark like that but not today all you could put together ways a weak smile and a deep sigh.

In dead silence, Tinah and yourself laid in your warm bed watching reruns of Insecure. As you both sluggishly took popcorn from the bag you witnessed how Lawrence was trying to handle Issa cheating on him. The awkward moments, the silent conversations, the friends picking sides just the whole mess.

You were Lawrence! Maybe not totally Lawrence but you related to him a bit.

You didn't want to put the friend group you and Erik had in a position where they had to pick and choose. This was between you and him. Surely he thought the same right?

And that's why you slipped out of bed made your way to the bathroom and called him. Your hands were sweaty and your heart beating craze, even more then the time Erik was randomly being searched for drugs by some Cops. You remember telling him in a whisper to give you anything he had on him because if he got arrested he would lose his Scholarship, his job, life. Basically everything.

You washed your face with cold water and made the phone call.

Ring... Ring. . . Ring. . . The person you are trying to reach isn't accepting calls at this time.

“Come on Erik don’t do this to me”

You said under your breath. You tried again another 5 times and he still didn't pick up. You couldn't make any more excuses for him. You knew how organized that man was. His phone was always charged and on him. He damn near owned 3 power banks to your knowledge. This was the first time he had left you on voicemail and you were not pleased.

A notification popped up. The split second of hope that maybe he was getting back to you died.

@ErikKillmonger66 just posted.

You clicked on it to find the shook of your life. The sweet picture he took of you at the museum he had taken you to a couple of weeks back, where your highlighter and hair looked bomb had been deleted. Now replaced with a picture of some girl with neon green on his lap.

That’s when you knew he was really trying you. It was really over now. Him putting that picture up meant to you and the thousands of followers he had that you were no longer his girl.

No longer Erik’s Girl.

Anger surged through your veins. Storming into your room Tinah was half asleep.

“TINAH!“ You normal voice was slowly coming back to you.

“What in the hell is going on.”  You held the picture to her face and watched how her expression changed.

“Is this Erik ?...with...with Cassie“

“Who the fuck is Cassie ??“ You were sure the people up and down stairs could hear you but you really didn't care

“Look..... don’t worry about her, she steals everybody's man. Who you need to worry about is Erik and his head-ass.“ All you wanted to do was to rip that Shrek looking wig of her head hoping its glued down so her edges would be fucked up too.

“I hate him. I hate him so much. After everything Tinah! Everything....I've been loyal to him. AHH ........fuck what if he's been fooling around with other girls since the beginning and I didn't know. I must have been some stupid idiot to him...I was a just good pussy that had a place to crash and free food.“ You paced up and down your room. You didn't know if Tinah was even listening to you but you didn't mind, you just needed to vent.

Tinah made a face as she secretly scrolling through your DM’s

“umm, good pussy?? ...your pussy fucken fantastic bitch. Don’t downplay yourself like that.“ Tinah’s attempt to gassing you up was slowly working.

“Your ass is in MIT with no kids and no ex’s that would start shit with him. You beautiful. You play fucking sports and cook like a certified chef and he acts like that. CUT! HIM! OFF! (Y/N)“

Even thought Tinah tried to get you to leave him for 7 days now, deep down she knew you wouldn't. You seriously loved Erik. She saw the way you looked at him and how you touched him in public. Griping on his thick bicep, hugging his waist or placing your hand on his thigh when he drove you around, just little sweet physically reminders that told him you were there for him.

Tinah noticed how you would go out of your way to make him happy. She didn't think it was unhealthy at all. Erik had never asked for anything drastic or selfish and you would never do anything you were not comfortable with. Tinah deeply appreciated that equilibrium. So much so that she would compare her relationship with Malik to your own relationship with Erik. She would never admit it to anyone but she really didn't have any positive relationships to look up to growing up. It was either Mr. and Mrs. Huxtable or Beyonce and Jay Z.

But now it was you. If she was having problems with Malik. She would think

“What would Erik and (Y/N) do? ”

“How would Erik and (Y/N) solve this? “

“How would Erik and (Y/N) go forward from here? “

The whole situation obviously didn’t hurt her as much as it did to you but she felt some type of way about it.

“.....You know what? You right...”

She looked up at you still in your oversize pajama top, hair all over the place.

“What?“

“You are absolutely right. I should get over his ass. I put some much time, love and effort into him and look at me.....“

“ so what’s about happen now...“ Tinah asked carefully

“Am about to get in the shower while you make me a tinder profile and find me, good-looking men, to mess with....“

Tinah erupted in laughter.

“Yes. yes, Bitch... am here for you. This is why am here....Get your sticking ass you there and clean up while I look for some Nubian dick.“

“Hey. Ill take Colonizer dick too!“ you shouted back to her, scrubs, oils and towel in hand as you head to the bathroom.

Water cascaded down your form. Fulling up the room with steam. You were nervous but you didn't want it to show. You were a little confused as to why you felt guilty. You hadn't even done anything yet and you felt bad until you had the flashback to Erik looking down at you, face filled with tears and he did nothing but disown you. That’s when your fire reignited again and hell...it didn't help that Tinah was blasting Beyonce’s Sorry from your laptop.

It was about 7:45 PM and you noticed Tinah was getting ready with you.

“T, where is your ass going? You cant go thoting with me.....You still have a man.“

She helped you clip in your wig and iron it down.

“Please... Malik knows I won't do anything crazy.He worries but he doesn't care.“

“Well, it's either your a changed women or he doesn't know about your past...“

“listen to me (Y/N) there is something called Trust okay...It's something I want but doesn’t give out“ You laughed, Fully this time. A genuine laugh that tickled your tummy.

“You mean head??“ Clapped her hands.

“....I suck my man's dick for my-“ You quickly covers her mouth with your hand but careful not to mess up her stunning makeup.

“No!!“

You enjoyed this atmosphere. Just you and your friend having a laugh. The smell of hairspray and perfume. Getting ready to slay with Beyonce playing in the background,  what more could you have wanted. For a brief moment, you forgot about the whole Erik mess and just watching Tinah happily picking out an outfit from your closet and trying on your clothes.

After 2 hours you finally ready to leave. Tinah had found 17 guys who were ready to meet you. You knew 5 from school, 3 were Erik’s friends and the rest were good-looking strangers.

“I like this one.“ you pointed at the profile of some guy from school who took some classes with you and Erik. You had hit the jackpot. You going to make Erik eat his words.

Making your way to the front entrance of dorm building you see the UBER Tinah had called for but right next to it parked the Jeep you knew too well. Erik was leaning on his black Jeep with his phone in hand. You froze and both Erik and Tinah looked at you. She followed your eyes and saw Erik walking towards you.

“Where you going dressed like that. Does Malik know you here.“ You knew he shouldn't have said that.

“Nigga keep my man's name out you dirty mouth...You hear me?!“ She pulled you towards the UBER while she warned him.

“Look I don’t wanna fight with you... I need to talk to (Y/N)“

“No, what you NEED to do is take your little as car and go to your Quinceañeras bitch and leave (Y/N) alone “

during the back and fourth Tinah and Erik were having you noticed how tired he looked. Red eyes and how messy his dreads were. All you wanted to do was to run and hold him. Place his head in the croak on your neck but he hurt you. He didn't have that privilege anymore.

Tinah had pulled you to the UBER but your feet stopped walking when you heard him say the words you had been imagining him saying all week.

“Baby am sorry.“

It was like a tug or war and you were the rope. Tinah physically pulling you to one side and Erik pulling you with his words.

“Why should I believe you? You insulted me Erik and left me hanging. Am sorry baby is noting going to cut it! “

“You right ...I messed up ...big time. Am just dealing with some issues I -“ You cut him off

“Issues?! You had me out there looking like a fucking fool because you had issues?? Nigga, I have issues too. Big ones but you don’t see me playing around with what we have.....what we had... You clowned me and that’s okay. I fell for it just like all the hoes you been with.‘‘

You could see that angered him.

“You know that's not true. You not like them hoes.“

“Is that why you couldn’t pick up my calls this morning?”

“Bicth you called him...For what?” You ignored her question waiting to see what would respond with.

“Let’s forget about this confused Nigga and go!“ Tinah stated pulling you to the UBER again

“Okay ama say it -“ You paused and turned again to face him

”- I love you. I don't like you..... or I don't kinder feel you, Nah. Not all of that. I absolutely love you and am scared as shit ...that I will lose you just like I did my dad..my mama. I figured if you hated me and you didn't want anything to do with me It would be easier to part ways. I rather have a heartbreak now then later. I won't lie..... I stayed cause you were a good fuck but then you started talking. Making me food and shit. Taking me on cute little-unplanned dates like I was 14 or something. No one in my life has ever given a shit about me the way you did. I mean ...no one! I didn't even know how to receive that kind of treatment.....All I kept thinking was shes just doing this for something in return, that’s how the world works right. Give and take. nah not you. You didn't even tell people we were smashing...that shit blew me away. You helped me figure out a lot of things about myself without judging or looking down at me. If I told a bitch why I got these scars they would....they would run and never look back but you believed me when I said that lifestyle was over and that am here to start afresh...That shit I said at the club was bullshit and am sorry that I hurt you...I don’t wanna to hurt. You're my princess..... why the fuck I wanna see you cry. That shit al almost killed me. I also have to say sorry you to Tinah. Am sure I put you in a weird position with Malik being my Boy and all. Thank you for being by her side.”

Erik’s apology was so deep and sweet even the UBER driver had been sitting and listing from his car.

“I know I messed up but please just give me one more time ....the both of you. Baby (Y/N) I’ll be a better boyfriend, Tinah I’ll be a better friend. Y’all can think about it.“

What would you do ???.

tag list:

@theunsweetenedtruth @myboyfriendgiriboy @sweetsexysavagery @ @lewatigress  @thebeautysurrounds 

@hearteyes-for-killmonger @drsunshine97 @amyhennessyhouse

@forbeautyforlife @imaginewhoever  @james-heaven-barnes @halfrican-heat 

[al0ysia]

 i just need somewhere to gather my thoughts and i guess i can do it here without having the need to filter anything. you won’t see this, not anytime soon at least. and the other few of you who see this pls dont bring this up to me ok ok bye. 

i am very very upset w myself because i know that my ed is getting worse. it’s really so bad that i cannot bear to keep food in anymore. even if i dont actively try, it just doesn’t stay down and i feel all uncomfortable and stuff. yeah i feel better in my body now i guess but also i hate it. 

and it kinda sucks bcos i rmb how this all started. i’m not blaming anyone but myself. till today i don’t know why that post you shared got to me, because it has never gotten to me at all. and that set something off in my brain and ever since then i have been going downhill at a really freaking alarming rate. i was so insecure in my own body, i started becoming super fucking conscious. and i think that also set off the whole me being fucking insecure and scared that you’d leave for someone who was skinnier and prettier. in my head, all i wanted was to look good enough, and maybe then i’d love myself enough to love you proper yknow. 

but things just kept going downhill. i was so insecure w myself, i snooped, i found things. and that made things even worse, when i saw how she looked, i hated myself even more. i know it wasnt anything but in my brain everything become magnified even when i tried to control it and downplay it. she became my biggest trigger. i hated her so much but i guess the hate for her also stemmed from my own self loathing. sometimes, she’s still a trigger hahahah. 

and sometimes i remember how you never told me how mentally tired you were and instead told her and i hate myself for that. i hate that i wasnt someone you couldve turned to, because if i had known we could’ve talked about it, maybe fight, but i’d be aware. but how was i meant to know? i’m abit much when it comes to people i love and if something was suffocating why didnt you tell me. 

and i guess things affect me so much because i need validation by words. words. words that you said to other people and not me. i know in your view, your love was validation enough and it was. in hindsight, it really was. but it just sucked not being on the receiving end of the words you so easily said to others. but i wasnt any of it so i understand. 

was just really heavy and ugly and i cant even bear to look at my old photos hahahah. i hate that it’s been 6 months and i’ve barely gotten over anything haha i fuckinf hate me

everything is just getting too much again. i just want to be skinny and pretty. i just want to compare to them. i dont want to be me. 

[gryffon]

gonna post that thing i wrote about my abusive ex, this isnt a callout but its just like, all the shit ive been wanting to say and havent felt like i could. gonna namedrop people, gonna not give a fuck, i cant cw for everything but there are rape mentions, physical assault mentions and like. general feelings that happen the wake of emotional abuse.

i dont check often but my ex has deleted the blog she was currently using, (@windowpainter or somethng. she was @hamgubber before, previously @miniaturehorse if anybody remembers from when we were totgether and would post on each others blogs nonstop lol) she has a history of lurking around and worming her way into befriending popular people in online subcommunities i am part of or adjacent to. i have not spoken to her since i realized she was abusive and started to try to pull out of our codependent dynamic. she panicked when i realized actions speak louder than words and her long winded apologies, excuses, and textbookish tripe about DBT and getting better or whatever meant nothing in the face of months of repeated lying, breaking of promises, degradation, disrespect to me as a person, disregard of my physical disabilities, insults, patronization, manipulation, multiple instances of cheating, antagonization, neglect, extortion and overall emotional abuse. when she caught wind that i was going to leave her she wrote me a series of emails totaling over 30,000 words, all varying from "i love you please dont leave me we can work this out. breaking up with me is weak." to "you are not a victim. you are not a victim. here is a categorized list of the ways in which you are abusive while i downplay my own behaviors and patronize you. here's an ultimatum and you are not allowed to respond with more than one sentence." to which i disregarded and wrote up a long, thoughtful reply and chose to never send, ending contact with her for good. this was like, 2013 or 2014.

she never called me out, and i never called her out despite giving very serious consideration to it. i was listening to the advice of my therapist at the time, who told me that she thrives on drama and spends her life constantly creating it, and to give her that kind of attention was exactly what she wanted and would only engage her more in my life and be more degrading to my mental health. the best course of action was to give her nothing, and not give her any more power or influence over me, any footholds or any more of my time, consideration, energy or thought. if anybody reading this has endured emotional abuse from somebody you love, you know it is extremely difficult to totally ignore somebody like this, especially when that person has isolated you from the majority of your support system and friends and you have shaped your entire identity around your relationship with your abuser. but i have followed my therapists advice. i have been working on moving on.

still, over the past few years ive had my mutuals contacted by her friends and told to stop talking to me. ive had people i follow put her and her friends on my dash, which up until recently would send me into a panic that lasted several hours. i have a lot of people in the lesbian/commie/leftist/trans/etc/whatever circles on tumblr who just like randomly have me blocked for no reason (since i dont give a fuck and im going for a spirit of total honesty here, ill name drop @butchcommunist, who she dated for a period of time iirc. a lot of my followeds and mutuals reblog from her. i made a point not to check either of their blogs after finding out but it was upsetting since i would see julia all over my dash. that connection still exists in my mind and its pretty upsetting.). ultimately, and rationally i know that these things do not matter that much. i have a vibrant, healthy and loving circle of friends outside of the internet/tumblr and some randos on the internet having me blocked doesn't really mean anything in the scheme of things. still, when this shit happened it felt terrifying and i was horrified, my emotions magnified by the effects of emotional abuse. despite my VERY intense urge for closure, i try to keep as far away from her as possible.

i gave this woman a year of my life that in my memory is defined by her. i was very madly in love and i spent countless hours at her beck and call, countless hours in calls and in text conversations with her, countless hours supporting her through breakdowns, countless hours talking through her fears and worries, countless hours defending her when she stirred up drama, countless hours defending her horrible behavior to my friends, countless hours rationalizing her abuse to myself and people who approached me with worry, countless hours loving her and wondering why it felt so horrifically painful to be with somebody who told you they wanted to spend the rest of their life with you. almost all the money i was making at the time was spent on her. i helped her move across the continent. i had her at my house for weeks. she fucking took out a loan from my mom. despite how big a role she played in my life, over the past 3 years since our falling out i have only checked her blog less times than i can count on my fingers, usually in moments of distress and in the spirit of self-destruction.

i know for a fact she has convinced her friends to check my blog for her god knows how many times, telling them about her fear of me as a 'dangerous person', that i’m going to call her out, her "fear" that im obsessing over her and am quietly plotting to ruin her life. she's scared for a good reason, but not because i'm an abusive bitter ex out on a smear campaign to slander her innocent name and ruin her life in the name of revenge. she's scared because she knows i have some undeniably serious receipts on her. i have receipts of her sending me a horrifying letter her ex had written her describing a graphic instance of a time my ex had raped her, and of her admitting outright to the rape. i have logs of her checking her rape victim's blog and telling me how exasperated she was her victim was still angry with her even after she apologized, and couldn't understand why her victim was stuck on her and wouldnt move on, going on to blame modern feminism and its tendency to portray abusers and rapists as incorrigible. i have receipts of her admitting to perpetrating emotional and physical abuse in her previous relationships, like an instance where she describes losing control of herself and beating her ex senselessly. i have talked with exes, who confirm stories she had told me where she would cut her arms in her presence, deep enough that her life was at risk, and then refuse to go to the hospital, leaving her girlfriend to either bandage and tend to her wounds or else my ex would bleed out and die. those are just the more horrific ones. i have many receipts that document her emotional abuse towards me as well, which im barely even getting into here. i know plenty of other people have experiences with her and accounts of interacting with her that undeniably portrays her as a serial abuser, rapist, and extortionist and exposes the falsehood of her charming and intelligent persona.

several times i have considered calling her out because she has proven herself beyond a doubt that she is a serial abuser who leaves a trail of burning bridges in her wake. i have no doubts that the evidence i have against her is completely solid, and her claims of my status as an abuser that she perpetuates to her friends are built on pillars of sand. i am not afraid of anything she could bring to the table anymore. i have spoken quite a bit with exes and ex friends (some of which sided with her during our breakup and who eventually ended up cutting off, and we reconnected with years after), and they all suggest the same shit. she is manipulative to her very core and will not stop hurting and using people until she dies.

these are big claims and again, this isn't a callout and the reason im not providing the logs is because im just trying to get out my thoughts in an honest way and im not trying to make a case about anything. this is cathartic. im so fucking tired of feeling like its a secret. i dont even know what blog shes using or whatever and while that scares me, i don't care anymore. people who are still semi-big names in the online communities i drift around in still have me blocked and a lot of times i wish i could message them and tell them "hey, you know she's wrong, and i have absolute proof." but my self worth is high enough that i dont need to go around convincing every single rando who doesn't like me that im a good person, not to mention the risk of indirect contact through those who's lives she is still present in.

for a long time the way i coped was by holding onto the idea that she would apologize to me, and i could finally have closure. she apologized to the ex i mentioned earlier, and because of that i hoped she would grow enough as a person to realize that there is literally no way any rational being could look at our relationship and say that, yeah, i was the one hurting her. apparently thats too much credit to give her, and i realize she only apologized to her ex because she wanted me to think she was changing, growing and a good person at heart who just had a rough past. after enough time, enough conversations with people who she was previously close to, i have accepted that she will never truly dedicate herself to getting better. she will always be using people, always be hurting people, always lying, always hypocritical, always disingenuous and always covering her ass by hiding under the language of victimhood, trauma, recovery, self-improvment, DBT, and therapy to convince her victims that her offences are missteps in her journey to improvement. 

this isn't a callout, this isn't meant to be circulated as a warning, this isn't meant to be any sort of vengeance or crusade. i dont even think shes fuckin on tumblr anymore lol. i don't care anymore. i dont care what people take this as. this is me writing an honest, open, reflective, cathartic processing of the scenario that impacted my teenage years so severely.  this isnt concise or well written and i dont need it to be. i've spent too many years wanting to talk about this, needing to process it more openly, but being riddled with horrific anxiety and fear, worrying about her and her social influence and her ability to impact my life. but its been a long time. ive worked hard at this. ive worked hard to get past this. ive worked hard to learn how to be with people who will treat me with kindness. i needed to write this and i needed to post this without editing every sentence a thousand times. this is largely unedited. i dont care if this makes me look pathetic or obsessed with her ive been letting these feelings stir for years and im just ready to breathe again.

if you want to talk about this post DM me or whatever. if you know her and think its all bullshit and you want logs, sure. i dont have anything to hide anymore. her name is viv and she is the worst person i have ever met and i feel sorry that i gave her so much of my love. thanks.

[slightlynightowl]

The last word

Because i know he’s gonna say more bullshit (so what else is new) I’m taking the final word.

1) if you post anything on a public blog, anyone can see it and they are within their rights to respond, comment or whatever else. It’s public. Therefore you have made it everyone’s business. Get over it.

With that out of the way…

2) if you send anything back to me, i will send it back to you and charge you for the shipping cost. So dont bother. If you dont want to keep anything I gave you, give it away. Also you have the stuffed dog and a mug. So stop being dramatic about things to remember.

3) God your timing is just impeccable. After all those long winded text heavy messages proclaiming your everlasting love, and that i would always be your first choice..etc.etc. once you get some ho’s attention you’re suddenly so ready to let me go. Lmao there is no other word for that but rebound. You cant admit it to yourself and you cant admit it to me either. Once you find a safety net, it’s suddenly hella easy to not mean a single word of your promises and declarations.

4) I dont give a flying rat’s ass about anything anymore. I finally said what i needed to. You have cost me a great amount of time , headache and unhappiness. Calling me a whore after PROVING you can’t keep your facts straight is the final straw, never mind the “ she never acknowledges what she does wrong ” thing. Bull. Shit.

I know that ive made mistakes and there were people hurt because of it. I never justified what i did. I did have reasoning but i never said that made it okay. I told everyone that I hurt that i was sorry, as i have to you many times before. It doesnt mean you can ignore my experience and spread all this shit to all of your oh so great friends. It was none of their business, and you went shit talking to them before you EVER heard me out. It is not “x happened and that’s all there is to say.” You have always ALWAYS done this. You downplay everything about what split us apart. You insult me by squishing it all down to “well you didn’t like my friend and that’s why you’re a bitch.” As. If.

This just shows how little you pay attention and that you still pick and choose what you use for “ammo”, ergo, i was right about you. You never fucking change what matters. You never treated me like my words or ideas, or standards meant anything. I can’t count the number of times you have talked down to me or made fun of how i looked (to which you’d then mess up ny hair) or sneer at small things I did like picking up change in the street or making fun of a show or hobby I enjoyed. You acted like i was an embarrassment to you! You made me feel so self conscious and picked apart. What about when i brought up concerns to you? Like feeling uncomfortable with the majority of your friends (only to find myself justified, HAH)Or trying to encourage you to save money for emergencies ( what did i tell you about covering a roommates rent?… I’ll wait.) Or how about when you went out drinking with a bunch of girls? Or going out with (in your DIRECT words)“very attractive best friend” BEHIND my back, knowing FULL well that we had talked about this until the end of time. You had no respect for me or anything i wanted for myself and this train wreck of a relationship. It should be no fucking wonder why i wanted someone else. So i hope whatever piece of ass you’re letting me go for is prepared for the shit you can give to someone you supposedly still “ love and care for so much.” Buckle up, bitch.😘💋