#she says something like 'ok then learn whatever language you want' (no the tone wasn't dismissive. it was fine)

[purring-tiefling]

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[writemywaytoyourheart]

Aim For The Heart | Chapter 1: At First Sight

Pairing: hitman!jk x female reader

Genre: E2L, romance, angst, drama

WC: 4.5k

Warnings for this chapter: alcohol consumption, language, stalking kind of? I think that's all lol. Pls let me know if there is anything else I should put.

tag list; @teresaisla @hopekookies @moonchild1 @barbellastyles98 @ggukkieland @mwitsmejk @yukiehyukie

summary; Jeon Jungkook is an infamous hitman, known for his inability to fail at whatever job is thrown his way. At least, up until now. Y/n, a kind-hearted and full of life teacher, is his newest target. Jeon isn't sure who would put a hit on this seemingly innocent girl, but fortunately, that isn't his problem. All he has to do is pull the trigger. 

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A bright smile graces your features as you tuck the little star-shaped peanut butter and jelly sandwiches into a tiny container, just barely getting two of them to fit as you squish them down a tad bit in order to get the lid clipped on.

Then you grab a little tangerine and a cheese stick to drop into your lunch bag along with the sandwiches, counting the number of items aloud to yourself as they make themselves at home and then you zip it all up.

"Th-There we go!" You lift your lunch for the day in triumph.

Your phone startles you when it starts to ring, then you grapple in your purse to find it. You pull it out and answer right before the last ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, girl! Are you ready to go? I'm downstairs." The voice of your best friend comes through the phone and you look at the clock on your microwave. You stare at the little black screen, confused as to why the time isn't showing up before remembering that you were never able to figure out how to display the clock when you bought the microwave three years ago. So, you hold your phone out to look at the time.

6:32

"Oh geez! I didn't r-realize the time. I'll be d-down in a minute, k?" You say, earning a lighthearted laugh from the girl on the other end.

"Take your time, hun. I'm not in any rush."

You thank her quickly and hang up, then you run to your room to grab your favorite pink cardigan and throw it on over your white shirt. As you're hurrying out and grabbing your lunch, you stumble and knock your knee into an open lower cabinet that you had forgotten to close the previous night after pulling a pan from it to make dinner.

"Ouch!" You hiss in pain and rub the sore spot, although it does nothing to ease the ache. Then you grab your purse and run outside, almost forgetting to lock the door. But you remember just in time and clumsily lock it before rushing down the stairs leading to the parking lot of your apartment complex.

Your best friend, Mina, is laughing. You can see her through the windshield as she waves to you. Lifting a hand to wave back, you don't realize in time that your arms are full. You drop your lunchbox and have to crouch to get it again, only taking up even more of your time.

But Mina finds it hilarious and tells you so as soon as you slide into the car and fumble with your seatbelt to get it buckled.

"Honestly, ___. I can't believe you're still single. If I wasn't straight as a board, I'd be head over heels for you and all your shenanigans." She states in a matter-of-fact tone as she pulls out of the parking spot.

A blush creeps up your neck and you try to laugh it off, "D-Don't be silly." You whisper, turning your gaze outside to look at the fluffy white clouds decorating the sky beautifully. You smile and lean your forehead against the glass as you imagine lying on a soft cloud, just drifting in the air.

"If you c-could go anywhere at all, where would y-you go?" You ask Mina suddenly, turning to her. Her eyes are focused on the road but she bites her lip in thought at your question. "Mm, probably Italy. What about you?" She's used to your sudden questions and ramblings, so she smiles when you start to go off.

"I'd wanna go up in the c-clouds. I wanna sit on one and maybe even see a r-rainbow up close! I wonder if I could slide down the rainbow..." Your brows furrow in deep thought. "Or would I f-fall?" You turn to her again and she glances over to see your signature puppy dog eyes that you use when you are either confused, upset, or want something.

Mina turns back to the road, a tiny ache in her heart that she hides with a bright smile, "Girl, you would ride that rainbow straight down into a pot of gold!"

"Really?" Your eyes widen and you feel your heart lift at the image.

She nods and you giggle happily, "You can come w-with me, Mina." You say confidently, your gaze turning back to the sky. "We can sleep in the clouds and slide down rainbows for the rest of f-forever."

"Sounds like a deal."

By the time Mina pulls up to the school, you've discussed everything you'd do up in the clouds and what you'd eat when you're hungry (stardust, you've decided, is the best meal anyone could eat.)

You unbuckle and gather your things. Then you remember something and turn back to Mina, "Oh yeah. W-When are you leaving on your business trip?" You ask a tinge of sadness in your voice.

"This weekend," Mina says solemnly. "I'm sorry I won't be able to drive you for a while. I'll be gone for a month this time."

That makes your heart sting but you manage a small smile, "D-Don't worry about me. I can walk! I'm gonna m-miss you though."

"I'll miss you too, buttercup. We'll hang out this Friday night before I leave the next day. How about that?" Mina asks kindly.

You nod enthusiastically and she smiles, "Ok, get your butt in there before you're late! The bell rings in half an hour and you can't be late on a Monday." She urges you and you nod, hopping out of the car and thanking her again for the ride, reassuring her that you'll walk home from work today.

You blow her a kiss and she laughs as you turn and hurry into the school.

You're all set up only a few minutes before the kids are supposed to arrive, so you go onto Pinterest and look through your fairytale boards, feeling a little spark of joy in your chest.

A couple of minutes later, the kids start streaming through the door, greeting you with the same amount of enthusiasm as you greet them. Your kiddos love you so much that all the other teachers are jealous and they let you know it every day. Of course, you have the sweetest kindergarteners and they're always the best for you.

"Hello, Teacher! Good morning Miss ___! Teacher, look at my new haircut!"

"Hi, Jina! Hello M-Minhhyuk! Kun, your new haircut l-looks so good!" All the kids have bright smiles on their faces by the time they've settled in their seats.

You always start the day off by getting everyone to stand and do a few stretches, then you sing the nursery rhymes you learned yesterday and start learning a new one. You honestly have as much fun as the kids during the school day.

"Ok, l-little ducklings, have a seat!" You get their attention and they immediately oblige. Next, is the alphabet that you guys have been working on since the beginning of the year. Every little one sings it perfectly all the way through and you give them a round of applause and they each get a little punch in their reward cards.

The rest of the day goes by smoothly, with only one temper tantrum thrown and that was resolved quickly.

It's nearing the end of the school day and the kids are all playing during their free time. You're sitting with Ae-Cha, a small and fairly quiet girl, playing with colorful blocks; the both of you competing to see who can build the highest tower. You've learned that she responds well to playing games when there isn't too much talking involved.

You're constantly glancing around the room to make sure everyone is safe and playing nicely and you're always pleased. They've all improved so much since the beginning of school back in September. It's June now and they've all learned their alphabet and how to play nicely with their new friends, along with so many other things. They've really made you so proud this year. You can even hear them reciting the alphabet and nursery rhymes to each other as they play.

Your heart warms at the sound of tiny voices filling the room as they sing. Then you glance at the clock and realize the bell will be ringing in a few minutes. So, you declare Ae-Cha the winner with her foot-high tower of blocks and she beams proudly. Then, you get up and clap three times, "One, two, th-three! Eyes on me!" You singsong, then smile when the kids immediately respond by clapping twice and shouting "One, two! Eyes on you!"

"G-Great attention today, everyone! Alright, the bell will ring soon. Who can tell me w-what that means? What are we doing n-now?" A few little hands go up and you point to the little boy that raised his first, "Yes, Joon Woo?"

"We...Uhm...time to clean up toys...Uhm..." You smile to encourage him and he finishes cutely, "Time uh, to clean up our toys and pack bags."

"Yes! Thank you, Joon Woo. It is t-time for us to clean up and make sure our bags are packed up and ready for h-home!"

The kids start to pick up their toys as you put on the cleaning song that you play every day for them. You all sing along until the room is all tidied and their bags are packed with their homework papers.

You always give them little mazes to do for homework to get their little brains to learn to concentrate, along with instructions on what to draw to show the class the next day. Today, their homework is an extremely easy maze, a coloring page with the alphabet and instructions to draw themselves doing their favorite activity. The kids always love drawing pictures and sharing them with the class and it's a good ice breaker for the shy ones at the beginning of the day.

You always have less and easier homework for the kids on Mondays and Fridays, it just seems fair to you that way. You also feel like it's good for kids to express themselves and be able to share what they like and dislike. You've found drawing helps with communication and creativity for the kids in your class.

The sound of the bell ringing makes a few of you jump, then you hurry to the door. "Alright, ducklings! T-Time to line up!" A few of the kids make quacking sounds as they line up, giggling and talking to their friends.

You smile and open up the door, holding it as the kids walk out in a straight line, some of them still quacking like little ducks.

You lead the kids to the front of the school and make sure they get into the correct line for the bus if they take it. You wave goodbye to them as the kids that take the bus climb on and they run to a window to wave back to you.

The rest of the kids that are left are soon picked up by their parents or siblings. You wave to Ae-Cha, the last student to be picked up. She smiles shyly and waves back before hurrying after her big sister.

After that, you go back to your classroom and finish a few things before packing up to go home. As you're leaving your classroom, you run into one of the other teachers coming from his own room.

"Oh, h-hello Mr. B-Baek!" You bow, missing the ugly sneer on his face as you smile brightly at him. He pushes his glasses further up his nose as he scrutinizes you with his beady little eyes. "You don't belong here, Miss ___." He snaps.

You look at him in confusion, "I-I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"I've waited the entire school year to say this to you. But now that we are nearing the end, I think you should know that you have no business being a teacher at this school. You ought to make the right decision to discontinue your work here." Mr. Baek watches your face fall with a sick sense of satisfaction.

"B-But, why?" You ask, still not understanding.

"First of all, you're inexperienced. You just got out of college last year, am I right?"

You nod uncertainly.

"You're still a child. Why should a twenty-two-year-old girl come marching in here and take a spot that should have been given to someone with more experience? And especially someone like you." He glares at you before turning on his heel and walking away briskly.

Someone like me? What does he mean by that?

You watch after him, feeling a tiny pinch in your chest. You aren't sure what he means, but whatever he's talking about, it sounds like he believes you shouldn't have become a teacher at all. At this school or another. You'll have to ask Mina later because you really have no idea where his rant came from.

Is there something wrong with you becoming a teacher?

You shake your head and laugh it off, "He's probably just had a bad day." You tell yourself as you make your way out of the school.

As you walk home, you sing quietly along with the song in your headphones, a little skip to your step.

You never notice the dark figure across the street, his eyes trained on your every move.

One day earlier...

Jungkook groans as he tosses and turns in bed, searching for his phone to turn the alarm off. He finally finds it and hits dismiss, tossing the phone back down and rubbing his eyes with a tired yawn.

After another minute he sits up and looks out the window, frowning at the sun seeping in and pooling across his floor in a golden river. He stares at a small bird that lands on his windowsill until it flies away.

Jungkook yawns again and reaches up to rub his eyes for the second time. After a few minutes, he's finally able to drag himself out of bed and into the shower. He almost falls asleep again in there, but he manages to make it out after half an hour.

With a towel wrapped around his waist, he makes his way to the kitchen and grabs a bottle of soju that's sitting on his tiny dining table to take a small swig from, finishing off what he'd left last night after his third bottle right before he passed out in bed.

He sighs and grabs a bagel, searching for the cream cheese he swears he saw in his fridge last night. A small smile appears on his lips when he finds it. He snatches it and makes sloppy work of spreading it on his bagel before tossing the leftover trash onto his counter and plopping onto the couch, snarfing down the first half of his bagel in thirty seconds.

Jungkook sighs through his nose as he tiredly chews his breakfast, then he glances down and sees the file he'd left open on his coffee table last night. He swallows the bite he has in his mouth and leans forward to read over it.

Y/L/N Y/N...

Why is that name so familiar?

He shakes his head and flips the file closed, then he leans back on the couch, wanting to spend his Sunday relaxing before he has to get to work on this case. He isn't going to think about it again until tonight.

Jungkook settles down and lays his head on the back of the couch, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

He won't think about it.

Jungkook lays there for a minute, then he opens his eyes and lifts his head, glaring at the closed file on the little table.

He grunts in annoyance and drops the other half of his bagel onto the table, grabbing the file angrily and sitting back again. He opens it and starts to reread everything he's read many times since Friday. There's just something that has felt off since he met with Mr. Ling, but he can't put his finger on what it is.

Jungkook squints at the name he's read a thousand times.

Y/L/N...Y/N...

"Ugh." He rolls his eyes, frustrated at not being able to remember where he's heard that name before. Then he looks at the occupation.

Teacher at Sunshine Kindergarten.

His brows furrow again, much like they have each time he's read this. He's never had a hit on a teacher before, let alone a Kindergarten teacher. That's such an odd target...

Most of his targets in the past have been sleazy business owners, rapists, leaders of gangs that have terrorized neighborhoods for years, even other hitmen. He's never had a problem with those jobs, but there's something about this one that's telling him to be careful.

Maybe it's because he knows nothing about his client, except for the large sum of money he must have due to the pay he's been promised. Other clients of his were more than happy to explain why they wanted him to do what he does. They never paid him until after the job was done, either.

That leads Jungkook to believe that this guy (or girl) is desperate for his services, convincing him to do it with payment before and after. Almost as if Jungkook would refuse after he found out who the target was...

Jungkook flips the page and scrutinizes the picture of the target.

She's very simple looking, Jungkook thinks. The girl in the picture is wearing a white flowy skirt with a blue blouse that covers her whole arms and white chunky tennis shoes. Her hair is in a low ponytail and it seems like she has headphones in as she walks down the street. There's a tiny smile on her face as if she's thinking about something that makes her happy.

Jungkook doesn't find her particularly beautiful, but she isn't ugly either. She's just very...

Simple...

Jungkook shakes his head, his eyes going over the photo and the girl's smile one more time. Maybe she's a double agent? Or a part of the mafia disguising herself as a school teacher?

He can't figure it out.

It doesn't matter much though, the job seems simple enough and the pay is more than he's ever gotten. After looking through everything once more, Jungkook closes the file and grabs his bagel, quickly eating it before getting up to get dressed for the day.

That night, Jungkook lays out his outfit for the next day.

It's all black, but not suspicious-looking. After all these years, he's been able to design the perfect outfits to avoid attention being drawn to him and simple enough so that no one would think much of him if he were to catch anyone's attention.

It might seem simple, but he prides himself on being able to get each part of his job perfectly designed for each case he gets.

Heaven knows it's taken him years to accomplish.

After he's gotten that all figured out, he walks over to his closet and pulls out a small safe. Setting it on the bed, he swiftly unlocks it and looks inside. He pulls out a few things, examining each of them before he sets them one by one onto his bed. Once he's got the items all laid out, he steps back to look it all over.

"I should wait to decide..." Jungkook mumbles to himself. After a minute of staring at everything, he nods and gathers it all up, carefully putting it back into the safe and locking it tightly. Then he brings it back to his closet and shoves it into the darkest corner where it lives.

That can wait.

He pulls his phone out and checks the time.

11:45

"Damn it," Jungkook mutters. He had wanted to get some sleep earlier tonight since he would have to be awake early tomorrow.

He changes into some shorts, then he yanks his shirt off and immediately climbs into bed, not even bothering to shower or brush his teeth. He really couldn't care less with how tired he is. And he hasn't even started yet.

His alarm blares at an ungodly hour as Jungkook groans loudly, resisting the temptation to chuck his phone across the room.

"I hate Mondays." He mutters angrily, setting his phone back on the nightstand far from gracefully.

He miserably drags himself out of bed and into the shower, going through his morning motions almost like a robot. His brain isn't fully awake and it's just on autopilot right now.

An hour later, he's just finishing his coffee, his eyes no longer squinting in exhaustion. Jungkook unceremoniously drops his coffee cup into the sink, promising himself he'll clean it up later, then he sighs as he grabs his black boots, walking to the couch to sit and pull them on. After he's done lacing them up, he grabs the file he's been avoiding like the plague since yesterday morning.

He mutters to himself, looking at the name on the page.  

"I know that name."

Then he smacks his forehead to get himself to focus again. He stands up and folds the page with the girl's information and then her picture and tucks them into the inside pocket of his black jacket.

Time to get to work.

Jungkook spots the girl almost instantly, the second she steps out of a black car. He glances at the driver, but can only see a person with shoulder length black hair waving. The girl from the picture has a bunch of things in her arms as she blows a kiss to the short-haired driver.

Jungkook has been here since six-thirty in the morning and just as he was beginning to think she called in sick for work, he's finally gotten a chance to see this girl in person. She looks exactly as he remembers from her picture...plain.

She's even wearing the same white skirt and chunky tennis shoes, although this time she has a different top. Her hair is in a high ponytail this time.

"Well, ___. Nice to meet you." Jungkook mutters, watching closely.

After a moment, the black car drives away as the girl scurries into the school, tripping on the last step before straightening herself out again, then disappearing from his sight.

Huh.

Jungkook stares at the door for another minute, then he makes his way to the stores nearby, knowing he's gonna have to wait until the girl leaves. School for the young kids typically gets out at around three-thirty. So, he'll have to be back here around then.

He's definitely going to need to find something to do to kill time.

Jungkook heaves a sigh of relief when he hears the school bell finally ring.

He hurries from the clothes store he was browsing and down the street a block until he's almost across the street from the school. He finds a good spot where he can sift through some newspapers at a little stand and still have an eye on the school.

After a minute, he sees a long line of tiny children coming out from the school. The girl is with them and smiling brightly. Jungkook thinks he can hear some of the kids quacking like ducks. He tries not to look puzzled as he goes back to talking to the person working the paper stand. Jungkook makes small talk with the old man, still keeping an eye on the girl across the street as she waves to each child that leaves.

If she's some mafia boss disguised as a kindergarten teacher, she's one hell of a good actress.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" The old man inquires curiously.

Jungkook laughs softly and shakes his head, "No. I've been so busy with my work I never got the chance to date."

The man nods knowingly. They chat a bit more and Jungkook finds himself trying to balance talking to the man and watching the girl.

"Well, did you want to buy a paper for the day?"

Jungkook turns his gaze back to the old man and nods, "Yes. Two, please. My neighbor would probably enjoy one as well."

The old man laughs and nods, taking the money Jungkook hands him and giving him two papers, "What a kind young man you are. Someday you'll find a lovely young lady, don't you worry, son. You will realize that work is important, but love is even more so."

Jungkook just laughs and thanks the man, then he opens the paper as he slowly starts walking, pretending to read.

He stops at a bench and sits down to wait. The girl went back into the school a few minutes ago, hopefully, she won't be in there long.

Luck seems to be with him today, because, after only about five minutes, Jungkook sees a familiar white skirt flowing as she skips down the steps of the school.

He folds his paper carefully, tucking it into his back pocket. The girl puts little earbuds in and immediately starts to mouth the words of whatever song she's listening to. Jungkook tugs his black baseball cap down a little more as he follows on the other side of the street.

The girl has a bag decorated with cupcakes and cookies that bounces up and down as she dances a little.

What is she, twelve?

Jungkook watches in confusion as the girl stops to pet a dog, giggling when the puppy licks her hand. She straightens up, then after another minute, she seems to get distracted by something else.

Jungkook looks carefully and notices she's picked up a flower that was laying on the ground, seemingly trampled on. She gently holds it in her hands as she continues on her way. It goes on like this for the next fifteen minutes, the girl waving to people and smiling almost the whole way.

By the time she is walking up the steps to her apartment, Jungkook is dying to just get back home. That must have been the longest most annoying walk he's ever taken while tracking someone. The girl had stopped over twenty times, distracted by something else each time, he's sure of it.

Just to be sure, Jungkook lingers around the apartment building a little longer, but when it seems apparent that the girl is going to be staying there, he finally heads home.

Geez, Jungkook thinks in annoyance as he climbs the stairs that lead to his own apartment. His head is spinning with so many questions while he unlocks his door and yanks his boots off with a groan.

But when he plops down onto his bed in his tiny studio apartment, he just stares at the ceiling, his mind suddenly blank apart from one question.

Who in the hell would put a hit on this girl?

Copyright © @writemywaytoyourheart 2021

Next

a/n: I hope you guys are liking the setup so far, thank you for all the positive reactions from the prologue!

[zhuzhudushu]

Hello! I'm 18 years old and I want to learn Chinese! And if I'm correct, you're already learning it and are pretty good at it. So, do you have some tips for someone who wants to have some basis when they'll go to university? Thanks in advance and sorry for my English, it's not my mother tongue

Lol ok for one, I wouldn't have known English wasn't your first language if you hadn't told me 😂 And assuming you are starting at level 0 here – meaning no knowledge of Chinese whatsoever – I would definitely recommend this video on tones by Yoyo Chinese, and this entire playlist by Yoyo Chinese on pinyin and pronunciation. What I did (which, hindsight is 20/20, and I wouldn't necessarily do it this way again) is I did all these videos I linked above on Yoyo's Youtube channel, and then started doing Duolingo from there. What I would recommend is doing all the videos above, and maybe also re-doing/practicing Yoyo's tone pair videos until you feel pretty comfortable with pronunciation. I would then recommend doing apps similar to Duolingo (but not Duolingo because it sucks) like HelloChinese or ChineseSkill, which are similar in format to Duolingo but in my opinions are a little more functional and have better audio! Also if you are going to major in Chinese in college, I definitely wouldn't spend money on Yoyo (or any app) because you'll get all that information at school! But she does have awesome lessons on her website for a subscription. But really I think the most important thing is to find something that keeps you motivated. For me, that's Taiwanese Indie music haha. But for you it might be reading a book or manga, native speakers in your area, Chinese dramas, or something else. But whatever it is, hold on to it and build your Chinese around these motivations. It's totally okay if you learn random vocabulary for an ancient Chinese fantasy cdrama that are not functional in real life! But really this depends on what you're looking for. It sounds like you're going to major in it in college and just want a baseline so you're not going in blind – if that's true, I think Yoyo's explanation of tones and pinyin/pronunciation and then following up with an app like HelloChinese is sufficient!! This will get you saying basic functional phrases "Hello my name is" "nice to meet you" "I want coffee" etc. or even further if you want to. Depending on your native language, Chinese beginner level grammar is super easy to self-teach and is straightforward. And since you've learned English, Chinese grammar should seem way easier 😂

TL;DR: Do Yoyo Chinese's tone and pinyin lessons and follow up with a Chinese learning app of your choice. Really this is subjective and everyone will have different opinions on how to start. But this worked for me!

[lordymaru]

I'm about to refute this entire essay with the simple explanation being:

The only interaction we've seen of these two is when she's a freaking 8 year old. Your self insert shows no boundaries.

And this is probably the last time I'll make a post about the stupidity behind the way the pair is viewed:

Note: I know there's people out there with a brain who ship these two in a more conventional way. In the end you do you, ship whatever you want, no one can prevent you from doing that, just don't be gross about it.

One of the parts being the Significance of their first encounter:

She’s a poor peasant girl who’s suffered immense trauma, suffering, and loneliness. Her initiative to help Sesshomaru came from her generosity

Exactly, she's alone for her family had been killed before her eyes, the villagers treat her like garbage. When she meets Sess he's wounded and simply in a bad state, both mentally and physically. Both of them are, the difference being he's a demon, a powerful one and for him to have ended in such a bad shape only stabbed at his pride- Rin on the other hand is a child, a human tiny child who is vulnerable and to him she poses no threat. Both of them are weak then.

At this point, it’s observable that despite knowing her story, her scars, and her difficulties, humans do not even empathize, let alone sympathize with Rin. It is the feudal era, after all. She’s a young, disabled orphan and the villagers only see her for what she lacks: a voice, a family, and a place of belonging.

Again with your feudal era shit. I can assure you the world is just as ugly today as it was before you and I existed. Next.

When he asks about her bruises, this is the first time anyone had ever afforded her a second glance.

This was a huge step forward for Sess, a huuuuuuge one for he showed interest in another living creature, not just any creature but a human. And for her it was probably like Christmas, for no one had showed her any mercy or interest. Ok you get a point. But oh, boy, how I'm about to spit on the next one:

The audience can see Sesshomaru calculate her body language, recognizing that she is mute. Instead of pressing her further or ignoring her outright, he attempts to comfort her (in his own way), making her feel that it is okay if she chooses not to answer him; that her desire to reply to him should only be a desire, not an obligation. I think, on one hand, that was the first moment of something that would resemble compassion that Sesshomaru had ever administered, trying to put himself in her shoes — if someone had asked him to do something that required, for example, his left arm, he probably would have appreciated them saying “you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to” so to provide him agency for something that he actually cannot do. And the same goes for Rin. He recognizes her disability, maybe even resonates with it and decides to empower her with a choice. Choice is important when it comes to the Sesshomaru/Rin dynamic and it’s a word that will come up often. 

Ok why are you comparing the loss of his arm to her not being able to talk? Not all disabilities are the same, you moron. Or am I dumb for thinking this way? If so, feel free to call me out on my lack of common sense kr whatever you wanna call it. Sess physically couldn't do shit with his left arm because well- it was gone! That's a physical disability. Rin had "lost" her voice after what she witnessed and so she wouldn't speak anymore. Have you heard of Psychogenic Dysphonia? If not, you can click here and give it a reading or do your own research. The more you know: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0892199703000158

So you say he "empowers her with a choice" that is "important when it comes to the Sesshomaru/Rin dynamic" let me get this straight, a choice because why? She's a child? A female? Because you said so yourself, it's the Feudal Era after all and therefore women had no choice in life, no voice, no agency, no nothing. So he was being magnanimous then? You know... This is where you start edging into the gr00ming territory. Can't you see? No? Alright, moving on.

BRUH WHAT THE FUCK?! Are you fucking good? See how you self insert? Bye. Next

The next time Sesshomaru sees Rin, it is suggested that he actively sought her, whether it be by curiosity or concern for well-being

He did... It is not suggested, he actually did asdfhkl. For both curiosity and he probably was worried. He also states he wants to test out his sword, what a perfect chance to do so for Rin is pretty much dead and that's the only way to make his sword work. So she was both being a guinea pig and an itch he wasn't quite sure how to scratch. Next.

Silence Rin.

Rin screams endlessly, annoying Sesshomaru. Firstly, this is the first time we hear him call her by her name. Secondly, Sesshomaru is visibly annoyed by her noises, however, he does not tell her to “shut up” as he normally would with Jaken or even InuYasha. He simply says “enough of that Rin, stop it.” (In Japanese he says, “Silence, Rin. You make too much noise.”) Even analyzing the Japanese dialogue, it is evidently softer than Sesshomaru’s usual ‘kisama’ (貴樣) manner of speech that we see depicted usually. This is the first time he’s had a companion who is not a demon, someone with compassion, and who has had his general best interests at heart with no expectations in return. His softer tone is a logical deduction to make.

Ok... "someone with compassion, and who has had his general best interests at heart with no expectations in return." Bruh... As if he would even consider meeting someone's expectations. Are you sure you're talking about Sess? Another thing is, he always speaks in a calm tone, he rarely yells or loses his composure- he had no reason to be rude to her either, you're excusing his regular behavior simply because she ain't Jaken. Anything else?

Rin doesn't change Sesshomaru overnight, it's a gradual and long process

Well duh!!! Just like you don't lose the pounds you gained from eating in one sit 12 donuts a week ago. Stating the obvious and for what? What's exactly your mf point?

The silence part is important, idk how to tell you there is a power imbalance in their relationship from the moment he tells her to be quiet. He didn't say please, he didn't ask her to, he told her to be quiet. Like a parent would, if I could count the times my mom told me to shush.... That's your first indicator he is not her friend, he is not her equal.

Letting you Be Yourself: The Panther Demon Arc

the first frame the audience sees in the anime sets the scene, painting the Sessshomaru entourage in a serene manner, indicating a level of comfort between group members (episode 75). This is vastly different from our last depiction of Sesshomaru and Rin’s relationship. In episode 44, he was unable to withstand her (albeit annoying) childish antics. But here, it’s observable that Sesshomaru can accept her and her package of unconventional fun. Not only does he tolerate and even more so, accept Rin, but he accepts her influence on his vassal, Jaken and allows them to be free around him.

Is called developing patience. I can assure you that when you're a parent or an older bro/sis and your kid/younger sibling is noisy af you either learn to tolerate that or get used to it for kids are kids abd you have to let them be kids. Next.

She's a child, she's not stupid.

The Abducted Rin: Calling her Name

The respect that Sesshomaru shows Rin is insurmountable. However, the InuYasha franchise is clever to portray the subtlety of Sesshomaru’s respect for her. KV on Twitter points out how highly he regards his companion and never relegates her to anything less than the value that she as a person embodies (@KVndie via Twitter). He consistently humanizes her. 

He only sees how important she is to him after her ass dies a second time. What do you mean? He respects her enough to not coddle her, she is independent and taught her to be self sufficient from the very start. That's respect. He consistently humanizes her because... She ... Is ... Human! OMG WHAT A SHOCKER!

As Naraku remarks on his hostage to Sesshomaru, "Naturally, the girl you're looking for is not here…,” he continues, “the girl is in custody outside of the castle..." Naraku never makes an attempt to give her personhood, leaving her unnamed, disposable, and relegating her to a mere "girl." But Sesshomaru doesn’t take any of this. He is a cold-hearted Daiyokai, yet he still makes an effort and upholds his principle to refer to her as Rin — not a replaceable “girl.”

Naraku is a mf genius. It didn't quite click until now he wanted to see if she was important or not to him and to what extent. For he planned his moves that way, making people turn against one another. While he wouldn't have made Rin turn against Sess he set everything up so he would end up wanting to kill Kohaku and in doing so, Inugang would have engaged against Sess.

Sesshomaru’s insistence on using Rin’s name isn’t only highlighted in this isolated incident though. It pays off. It is an ongoing theme in their dynamic throughout the series.

That's her name ... How you want him to call her? Baby?

I could go on and on but... This is a fucking essay. And then I stumble against more bullcrap:

The second point I want to highlight here is Sesshomaru’s reaction to Rin’s fall and her risky expedition. At this point, it’s unquestionable that Rin has a special place in his heart.

Of course she has a special spot in his heart. I won't deny that. What worries me is how you're trying to justify the way she's important to him since she was a child. As if his way of seeing her had changed.

I'm gonna disagree by agreeing with you in a few pointers. Kagome and Kikyo were rivals, they both romantically love the same guy. Kagome being the only one who could save Kikyo chooses to help her, knowing damn well Inuyasha would have suffered if Kikyo had died- further more, if it was in Kagome's hands to do something about it.

Rin on the other hand, I will applaud to her how she grew past her fear of Kagura after being kidnapped by her, she saw her body in the river and said fuck it and did her best to try to pull her from the water. I loved how stubborn and brave she was, even tho Sess had to pull everyone out of the water- she deserves a gold star. You go baby girl!!!

Rin later makes a cheeky comment, noting Kagura’s romantic interest in Sesshomaru. Jaken brushes this off as childish naivety. But for the spectator, this establishes two things: (1) That Rin does not see Kagura as a rival for Lord Sesshomaru’s attention, let alone affection; and (2) that Rin is still a child. Rin is certainly a child, with a youthful and fresh outlook on life that brings out the best in people. But even as a child, her relationship with Sesshomaru is incredibly healthy, clear, and surprisingly communicative.

Why would she? She's not a spoiled brat

Nah? I thought her double D indicated otherwise. OF COURSE SHE'S A MF CHILD.

Why do you keep mentioning is healthy? Do you need reassurance of it? Communicative in what way? Cuz if you wanna talk about communication let's talk about how he didn't even acknowledge her ass when she gave birth. He didn't even say her name, didn't even look at her. Tell me now how they are communicative and healthy?

I could go on, I really but all I'm getting from this load of bullshit I'm forcing myself to read is how you do in fact need to reassure yourself thr ship is god tier and is... How you said it was? Ah, healthy.

Anyways, thanks for reading and if you see any typo ... My apologies, I tried. Also if you have any input or I was out of line in some way, my apologies once more.

[spideyanakin]

Silent Britain - Chapter 4

Tom Holland x Reader

Series Masterlist 🍒

Normal Masterlist 🧚🏻‍♀️

Summary: You’re pretty new to Hollywood, finally getting a role in a blockbuster Martin Scorsese film, working alongside some of the biggest actors in the game. To your surprise, Tom Holland is playing your love interest in the high-stakes British Gangster film. Eventually, you and Tom become love interests outside the film, but is it too difficult to keep a relationship in all your new found success? Or will you and Tom find your happy ever after?

"No." You shook your head. "Im afraid that we'll break each other's hearts."

"Y/n they need you on set." as if on cue an assistant called out and you apologized to him with your eyes before slipping away from his fingers.

A week had passed since that kiss you shared. Your fears of actually taking a step forward rising inside you each time you thought Tom would bring up the conversation. Or each time you slipped out of character while doing a scene with him.

That dance of feelings between you and Tom seemed to slowly affect your acting. Martin's comments that had gone from amazing, to try harder weren't making the situation any better.

Your feelings for Tom were getting in the way and you managed to channel them for scenes where you had to hate him, but for the ones where you had to love him, you would slip out of character in seconds. Too scared that it would create something even more awkward.

"How are you doing?" Anthony sat next to you with a cup of coffee in his hand. You handed him a tight smile and watched into the distance where Tom and Scorcese were talking.

"Good?" You blurted and looked over to Anthony's script that was full of notes and colorful highlights, feeling as though you were an awful actress compared to him.

"You don't have to lie to me." He smiled which warmed your heart. He didn't have to speak to you outside of filming, he was a renowned oscar winner and multiple times nominee actor. But he still did. He was sitting right next to you, telling you he was your friend and ready to listen.

"Im having a really hard time." You sighed liking how easy it was to be honest with him. The mentor relationship you had built up in your head becoming two-sided. "I think I'm having doubts about where to lead my character?" You placed your lips in a tight smile, speaking in half-truths. "I feel like she's letting herself fall in love too quickly." You pointed to your notes. "I didn't see her like that until now." You sighed as you looked over the words on your page.

"Well, how did you?" He wondered, watching you look at Tom who was standing in the distance.

"I saw her as this strong person, who wouldn't let her feelings get in the way of her career." You breathed out "like with helping her family business and things-" You blurted out to catch yourself and not making it sound obvious who you were truly talking about. "But now I think she's scared that her relationship will get in the way." You looked back to your script. "That once everything is resolved then their relationship will fade away..." You looked up again, this time trying to hold back the tears, almost forgetting that Anthony Hopkins was sitting next to you.

"Well, I think that their love is stronger than that." he folded his arms and looked back to Tom and then to you. "I think that your character might overthink things. I mean it's the first time she's been this in love isn't it?" He questioned and you nodded. "Well, I think she has found the love of her life. And isn't this whole story about them ending up together?" He wondered and you stayed quiet for a second, trying to unblur the lines between you and your character's story.

"I think she shouldn't let that love go, and stop being so scared." He smiled before Martin waved for the two of you to walk towards him. "I hope this helped. I mean Martin writes his characters and chooses his actors amazingly well, I think he paired you and Tom because he might have seen that sparks." He winked before patting your shoulder and waltzing up to the director, leaving you frozen behind him.

"He fucking knew I wasn't talking about my character" you whispered to yourself, Anthony laughing when he saw the look in your eyes after he turned back around and made eye contact with you.

You shook your head and quickly trotted to Martin, trying to avoid Tom as best as you could but Anthony's judging eyes seemed to pierce through you like swords.

"Here's some new lines you'll need to learn with Timothee."!He handed you the script before turning his stare to Anthony and then to Tom, and back to you. "We're leaving tomorrow, we've done our final scene on this set. And then after we've wrapped up there, we're headed to England." He nodded and you all nodded along. "And Y/n, you should work on your scenes with Hardy. Those are the first that are going to be shot after we land.”

"Ok I'll learn the new lines with Tim, and then pack my bags for tomorrow and talk with Hardy." You agreed, a large smile on your face, happy you were going to get to film at the beach for the next month or so.

See, the film took place in the popular '70s. The sunny location of Hawaii was quite a popular destination back then, and it felt like the perfect way to bring the action to a rise. So they were moving the sets to the beaches of the famous Hawaïan islands.

~

"But you don't understand!" Elizabeth screamed at her brother. "You have to help me, Joseph." Your character's desperate lines pierced through Timothee's character and he sent off a new line.

"I will."

"You will?" You stop quiet. "You're not mad?"

"No." Joseph gulped.

"That was good." You smiled as you broke the scene. "I like how he changed that whole top part." You pointed out.

"Maybe I could try with him changing his mind when he sees his sister really desperate after this line." He questioned you for help and you nodded. "Yeah! Maybe we could try?"

"Y/n, before we do this. I can see your head is somewhere else when you're acting with Tom." He sighed dropping his script on his coffee table. "Even in this scene when you talk about his character I see it in your eyes." He folded his arms and looked to you.

"Tim-"

"No. I'm your friend and you're talking to me about this."

"Im scared." You fell on his couch, desperate to let your feelings out. "Scared that we're both too in character and that's what this whole 'I got feelings for you' thing is" You looked away knowing your statement was plain stupid.

"Bullshit." You scoffed at his choice of language. "You're scared because you've never felt that way about anyone, and you're scared that you'll mess it up." He folded his arms and looked up to you. "Even Martin says it."

"Martin?" You raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah! I heard him talk with Hardy and Anthony about this!"

"That's why he talked to me." You realized. "Scorsese asked him too!" You jumped on your feet and madly pointed to Timothee.

"No, I was there. Anthony said he was going to try and talk to you about it. He wanted to do it-"

"You were there? You said you heard them!" You cut him, almost screaming at this point.

"Y/n-" He took a step closer to you.  

"Why is everyone trying to play cupid! It's my life!" You screamed.

"Because it's affecting your acting!" He screamed back trying to get some sense into you "And Tom's! He's sad all the time can't you see it!?"

"Sad?" You calmed down and finally made eye contact with him.

"He wants to be with you! And you're pushing him away because you're scared!" He moved his arms around as he tried to explain and finally get some sense into you.

"I-" The words seemed to be stuck in the back of your throat and you looked everywhere but his eyes. "Let's rehearse Tim. We need to work on this scene."

"No! I won't do it until you admit to me that you love him and you're going to tell him." He folded his arms and stood in front of you like a tree.

"What if he rejects me? Because I did... Twice." You gulped, still looking at the floor where you had found a comforting pattern on the carpet.

"He loves you too much Y/n/n." Tim's voice got softer as he spotted the pain in your tone.

"How do you know that." You looked to your side, trying your best not to show him the tears that formed under your eyes.

"I see it in his eyes." Timothee placed a comforting hand on your shoulder and you turned your head to him, taking him into a hug as the tears finally fell.

"What if-" You sobbed onto his shoulder. "What if whatever we have fades away?" You folded your eyes as a sob escaped your lips. "I- I don't want this to just be a 'we're in our characters' thing." You cried again and Tim rubbed comforting circles on your back, trying his best to find the right words.

"It's going to be alright." He said and pulled you away so he could make eye contact with you. "I don't believe for one second that this is just a character thing. Did you see the way you interacted with each other at Martin's dinner?" He chuckled in disbelief. "The way he looked at you." He squeezed your shoulders. "Trust me, he puts his feelings for you in his performance as Jonathan- But it's not the other way around."

"Maybe I should talk to him then." You sniffed wiping your eyes with the back of your hand as you pulled away from his embrace.

"You should." He smiled before handing you a box of tissues that you gladly took. "Now onto those scenes." He chuckled as he took the thick scripts from the table and handed it to you.

The rest of the evening went on as normal. At least that's what you told yourself. Tom was busy on set, filming his last few scenes on that studio before he was ready to pack his bags and head to Hawaii. In the meanwhile, you had just finished rehearsing with Tim, the pressure of having to talk to Tom staying lodge at the bottom of your stomach.

"Alright, so you'll go? Promise?"

"Yes," You nodded as you held onto your script. "I'll go talk to him. I'll see you at dinner" You smiled before opening the door and leaving Timothee alone to pack his bags.

You walked onto the parking lot of the set, the sunset sky bringing a certain comfort to you as the only sounds that rang in your ears were the ones of your heart beating so fast you were scared it would take flight.

You walked on set, your script still lodged tight in your fingers smiling when you spotted Helena Bohem Carter carefully watching Tom act with Daniel Craig.

"Oh hey!" Martin's assistant whispered and suddenly took your shoulders, bringing you outside of the set to talk without bothering the actors or director. "Martin told me to give you this." She looked through her papers before slipping out a few thin pages. "He made some changed to the script on one of your scenes with Tom Hardy." She pressed her lips together as a smile. "I just need to find him and give you both the instructions." Her stare suddenly went from your eyes to behind your shoulder "Oh, there he is! Perfect! Tom!" She waved to him as she spotted his figure. "Martin asked me to bring you this." She smiled as she handed a double of what she had just handed you. "It's a new scene after Jules finds out about Elisabeth and Jonathan, Martin wanted your character to try and push Elizabeth out of love, instead of just making him angry." He chuckled as she read through her notes. "He thought this could add more intensity to the father/daughter relationship. He wants this scene for the first day we start shooting in Hawaii."

"Alright sounds good." Hardy nodded before turning to you. "Shall we start?"

~

"Hey Tim, do you know where Y/n is? I really need to talk to her, I feel like we've just been ignoring each other for the past week" Tom sighed as he walked across Tim right outside of set.

"Isn't she with you?" He wondered. "I thought she was going to talk to you? You didn't see her on set?"

"I think I spotted her but an assistant was talking with her and brought her out of the room." He shook his head as he began to wonder where in the world you could possibly be.

"Um, maybe she's working on something, I don't know." He looked around. "Martin called me in before dinner im really sorry." He bounced on his heels as he pointed to the set door. "I really have to go, but I'm sure she's around somewhere." He smiled before almost rushing out, catching himself as something came to his mind. "But she wanted to talk to you" He turned to face Tom. "She really wants to fix things." In one glance, Tom understood what was on Timothee's mind and he nodded, hope and happiness suddenly settling inside him.

Tom walked around like a lost soul, he knocked on your door but all the lights were out and no sign from you. He talked to Finn, who was as much in a rush as Tim; Martin must have needed the two brothers, Tom thought. He even managed to catch Helena who just said the same thing 'Haven't seen her since she came to the set'. He walked like a stray cat in the middle of the wagons, thinking of where you could possibly be. But suddenly, your soft voice came from a slightly opened trailer window and arrived to his ears.

He took a second before realizing it was your voice, smiling when he finally found you. He looked around that trailer and spotted 'Tom Hardy' in bulk letters on the front door, everything making sense. You were working on a scene with him; Martin had said the first scene that was shot in Hawaii was going to be between Jules and Elizabeth, that's why you were nowhere to be found.

But the next words that Tom heard brought a mix of furiousness and anger in him.

"But what about us?" Hardy replied with all joy stripped from his tone.

'That's not a line in the script' Tom thought as his fingers started bringing themselves into a fist.

"But, I love him-" You almost cried out, hope coming back in Tom, but sudden anger towards Hardy bubbling up, and jealousy rising.

"How is he more important than this?" Inside the trailer, you were working on the brand new scene Martin had given you.

The scene was set in a small bush of trees in Hawaii, where Jules; Tom Hardy's character was trying to get some sense back to his daughter when he had spotted Jonathan and her together two scenes prior.

"Im asking it again. How is he more important than this." He pointed around the room as though the rest of the mob family was standing a few meters away. And Tom who was still outside couldn't take another second of it, leaving in a fury.

"Dad, you don't understand." You cried out, bursting out all your feelings. Oh if Tom had heard the next sentence.

"I think I do." He stammered. "Do you realize that they've soiled an entire batch of cocaine?" He almost screamed at your face and you trembled as your character fully took over and the acting flew freely.

In the meanwhile, Tom had made his way back to his trailer, grumbling things in a language even he didn't recognize.

'How dare he come between us?' he wondered as the madness took over him, slamming his trailer door when he got there. It made sense. You were going to tell Tom how you felt, but Hardy was in the way. Right?

The first thing that he thought of doing was angrily grabbing his script and flipping the pages, desperate to find the similarity between the words that had been shared, but nothing. His worst nightmare was happening, someone was trying to come between you and him.

"Have you seen Tom?" You asked once you were all settled in the dining room.

"Hardy? He's right there." Finn pointed to behind your shoulder and you folded your eyes and shook your head. "No, Holland." You chuckled. "I can't find him anywhere and I really need to talk to him."

"Oh finally." Finn sighed in relief and you rolled your eyes at his comment. "And no I haven't seen him anywhere. Maybe check his trailer." He pointed out and as if on cue Tim entered the conversation.

"Whatcha talking about?" He pressed in with a large grin.

"She's going to go talk to Tom." Finn wiggled his eyebrows and Timothee's face lighted up with a smile.

"Oooooh you go girl." He winked and you rolled your eyes before slipping out of the room and into the quiet parking lot.

It took everything in you to finally knock on Tom's trailer door, bouncing up and down on your feet in anxiety.

"Hey! um-" You smiled once he opened the door, fumbling with your sleeves as you looked everywhere but his angry eyes.

Suddenly the door closed right on you, every fiber in your body freezing as you tried to understand what Tom had just done.

"Tom what the heck." You lightly punched the door with your fist, his actions slowly breaking your heart. "I want to talk to you."

"I don't." He blurted out like an angry toddler and you stood there like an idiot, tears about to fall.

"Please?" You rested your hand on his door. You sniffed waiting for an answer but nothing seemed to come. “I’m sorry."

You stood there for a few minutes, lost. Wondering what in the world could have gotten Tom so mad. Sure you blew him off twice, but he hadn’t been mad at you for it, and never so angry.

"Alright, well im going to go-" You choked on your words before wiping your tears with the back of your hand. "I'll see you tomorrow"

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[spencers-dria]

Trauma

Someone To Stay Ch. 9

Spencer x fem reader

It's been several weeks since Y/N and I started our weekly movie nights. After starting Harry Potter we decided that we would keep watching our way through the series until we finished them. Last week I was out of town on all of her days off, but tonight we get to watch our favorite together, Prisoner of Azkaban. Seeing as we both love Halloween, this doesn't come as much of a surprise.

Last time I had asked to borrow her Harry Potter cookbook. As a surprise I've been cooking pumpkin pasties. I normally don't do much cooking, but this was well worth it. Movie night has become incredibly casual, so i slip into some purple pajama pants and a black t shirt before driving to her apartment. We decided movie nights would all take place at her apartment, seeing as she had the nice TV with a decent sound system. I had previously spent almost all my time reading, so all I had was my mom's old TV tucked away in the corner, only used when I felt the need to binge Dr. Who.

It's not long before i'm knocking at her door, warm snacks ready to go. She opens the door and looks down with a huge grin.

"Are those what I think they are?"

I nod, glad to see she's excited about them. After a moment I notice a pleasant smell wafting from the kitchen.

"You made something too?" I peek my head into the kitchen hoping to discover the source of the scent.

Y/N pulls out two mugs topped with foam, smiling like a giddy little kid. We both take a sip, and I feel the warmth filling me up as I take in the drink that tastes like Autumn in a cup. I've never had butter-beer before, but this is perfect. I look up to see whipped cream coating Y/N's upper lip, and based on the laugh she's holding back, I would guess I am sporting the same foam mustache. We both bust out in laughter. Something about spending time with Y/N makes me feel like a kid again. I know I can share my knowledge with her and she actually encourages me to do it quite often. But she also makes me feel like I can be goofy and silly and just have fun. I had almost forgotten what that feels like.

After we each curl up on our end of the couch with blankets and pillows, I can't help but realize how happy I have been having her as a friend in my life. Something about this realization pulls my mind in the opposite direction, and I suddenly find myself remembering why happiness feels like such a long forgotten stranger...Maeve. The name had not crossed my thoughts in weeks. This realization leaves me with a guilt that sits like a pit in my stomach. Before I know it, I am no longer focused on my favorite Harry Potter movie, but am spiraling into a dark hole once again. I lose myself so far into my thoughts that I almost don't notice that Y/N has stopped the movie and is staring straight at me.

I turn to her. "What is it?"

Y/N furrows her brow, a deep look of concern filling her eyes.

"Spencer, you're crying."

"I am?" I reach up to feel the wet streaks left behind on my cheek. I hadn't even realized. Now not only have I been crying in front of Y/N, but she knows something is wrong. Knowing her, she won't let this go so easily. I also doubt she'll buy any lie I try to feed her. She may not be a profiler, but she sure knows when someone she cares about isn't being genuine with her.

Luckily, she must also know me better than I realize. She doesn't push me too hard for information. She scoots over to my side of the couch before laying a hand on my shoulder. I keep my eyes glued to my lap, avoiding eye contact as best I can. I'm afraid that if I look into her eyes now, I'll completely fall apart. Something about telling your friends about your trauma makes it very real, and I don't want to relive that day, not again.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm not sure..." I answer honestly.

Instead of pushing me, she moves her hand to rub my back as we sit there in silence. Something about the kindness of this gesture finally breaks me. I let my head fall into my hands as tears start streaming down my face, and I don't even bother trying to stop them. I can't hold this back anymore, not from someone who's become like a best friend to me.

We sit there just like that for several minutes, Y/N silently rubbing my back, me crying like a big baby. Part of me feels embarrassed, breaking down like this, but the other part is too tired from holding all of this back to even care anymore.

Finally, I think my body has run out of tears when I hear Y/N say "What can I do? What do you need?" It's so quiet I almost miss it.

"Her name was Maeve." I am surprised to hear the words leave my mouth. I glance over to Y/N to gauge her reaction, but she's only sitting there, listening patiently.

"I started getting these headaches. They became so crippling that they started affecting my work. It scared me because...well my mom is schizophrenic. I guess I have always been a little paranoid about showing symptoms. The doctors ran tests, labs, scans...everything they could think of. As a last resort I reached out to this geneticist. After a bit of correspondence, it wasn't difficult to see that she was brilliant. She seemed to enjoy keeping in touch, so we would write one another letters. We eventually started calling one another. But...she had a stalker. She didn't know who it was or what they wanted, but she was scared. That's why we wrote letters. And I only ever called her from telephone booths, never the same one twice. I ended up sharing a large part of my life with her... One time before hanging up the phone she even said "love you" like it was the most normal thing in the world. I never said it back, but even if what I felt was love I never got the chance to say it to her. Her stalker was a former grad student, and she got to Maeve before I could."

I stop and take in a deep breath, swallowing the growing lump in my throat before continuing.

" She shot herself in front of me, killing Maeve along with her. It was the first time I had ever seen her in person too. It happened a couple months ago. Every time I think i've moved on it feels like the pain starts all over again. I sometimes feel guilty for even trying to move on, for ever being happy."

Y/N doesn't say a word as she lets me speak. She just nods, taking in every word. After a couple minutes of silence, she lets out a large breath before finally opening her mouth to speak.

"Spencer, I can't pretend to even come close to understanding what you are going through. I wish I had the answers. I wish I could tell you when the pain will go away, but the truth is it will probably never fully leave you. Trauma has a way of sticking with us. We learn how to process it and cope with it more efficiently, but it's never truly gone. Now I can't pretend to know what Maeve would have wanted for you, but as your friend who's with you now I want to tell you its okay to be happy. Its also okay to not be okay sometimes. No one has it together all of the time. It's ok to talk about it, to cry about it, and there's no right or wrong time. Trauma has a way of sneaking up on us, triggering us when we least expect it. And whatever you need to be ok, whatever you need to do in order to deal with this, I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you. You can always call me if you need to talk or come over. Even if you just need a distraction from it, if you find yourself slipping into a dark place, you can call me, and we will talk about literally anything else or go find somewhere to grab dessert or watch a movie. If you need someone to just sit with you, I'll be there. What I'm trying to say is whenever you're ready, just tell me what you need and I'll be there for you."

I feel like I could cry again, but luckily I don't. Instead, I turn on the couch to face Y/N and just pull her in for a hug, resting my head on her shoulder. This alone is all I need to at least be okay, even if just for tonight. As someone who lives alone, my only real family living across the US, no one ever really knows just how much I crave touch. It's not exactly like I can just approach JJ, Garcia, or Morgan and say "Hey I could really use a hug today." It's a love language for me, but I go weeks without touching a single person. It wears me down sometimes. Sitting here, hugging Y/N, is the most comforted I have felt in a really long time.

I want to tell her the other reason I'm struggling. About the cravings I have to battle when things are already emotionally challenging. I decide I'm not ready to share that quite yet. It's not that i don't trust her, but if it's going to affect the way she sees me, I want to put that off as long as possible.

I also take a minute to go over the words she's said to me. I can't help but notice her tone, her body language, the look on her face. She may be great at comforting people, especially since it's part of her job, but those were the words of someone who knew. She spoke from a place of fully understanding trauma, which tells me one thing: She has had trauma of her own. I make a mental note to bring it up later. I don't want to push her, but I want to make sure she knows she has the same support from me incase she ever needs to talk.

We sit there for a few more minutes, her arms wrapped around me. My breathing eventually slows down as I try to get my sniffles under control. I feel my head start to pound from how hard I have been crying. I sit back to rub my hands into my temples. Y/N stands up and makes her way into the kitchen, returning a couple minutes later with a cold water bottle, a box of tissues, and some aspirin.

She starts to walk out of the room before turning to me.

"I think I've got something that might help you feel a little better. It can't heal with heartbreak, but maybe it can help you to relax and take your mind off everything, if even for a little while."

"Y/N, you take care of people all day at work you don't have to..,"

"Hey!" She cuts me off before I can finish. "Why do you think I became a nurse huh? I enjoy taking care of people. And if I can help, even just a little, I won't feel so completely useless in this situation."

"Y/N, you've already helped. Just listening, being here with me. But I guess its no use arguing with you, you're too stubborn." A small breathy laugh leaves my nose and I glance up to see a small smile before she steps out of the room.

She returns a few minutes later and doesn't say a word. Instead she grabs both my hands and pulls me off the couch, leading me into the guest bathroom.

A take a look around at everything she had gotten ready.

"A bubble bath?" I shoot her a look of uncertainty.

"Just trust me okay." She rolls her eyes playfully. "I'll be in the living room. Just shout if you need me okay?"

I decide to just go with it. She leaves, shutting the door behind her and flipping of the lights. The room is suddenly glowing in light from candles scattered all around the bathroom. After slipping into the bath, I tense up at how hot the water is before it finally relaxes all my muscles. Breathing in, I notice the smell of eucalyptus and lavender filling the air. There is also a bluetooth speaker in the corner, softly playing zen spa music with the trickle of a rain in the background.

I have to admit, this is the most relaxed I have felt in...well I can't remember ever feeling this relaxed. Baths always seemed a bit girly, but this was incredibly therapeutic. I may have to try this again after my next difficult case.

When I finally decide to get out, I realize I'll have to change back into the same clothes. I quickly realize Y/N had also laid out a  star wars t shirt and black sweatpants for me. She thought of everything. With her being on the taller side and enjoying baggy clothes, they actually fit me fairly well.

When I finally step back into the living room she looks up at me and grins.

"Looking good Dr. Reid!"

She never calls me that, and for some reason it makes me blush just slightly. She pats the spot next to her on the couch, signaling for me to come over.

"Well, how do you feel?"

"Umm I wasn't sure about the whole bath thing but... I feel fantastic actually! How did you know that would help?"

"When you do what I do, you have to find multiple ways to unwind" she laughs.

I glance down at the shirt I'm wearing.

"So Star Wars huh?"

Y/N smirks "Are you really that surprised?"

I answer with a laugh "No I suppose not."

"Well I hope you like them too, because that's what I had lined up when it was my turn to pick for movie night!"

I can't help but hide a giant grin. I was happy to hear she wanted to continue our movie nights. Between all the Harry Potter movies and Star Wars movies combined, it seemed like we'd be spending a lot more time together.

"Is it okay if we finish the movie?" I am hoping I didn't completely ruin the night with my breakdown.

"I thought you'd never ask" she smiles before turning to the TV and resuming the movie.

As I watch the characters making their way into the shrieking shack, I feel my eyes grow heavy. I guess I had gotten a little too relaxed, as I am now struggling to stay awake through the rest of the movie.

When I open my eyes I notice the room is no longer glowing from the light of the TV but from the daylight streaming in through the windows. I realize i'm stretched across Y'N's couch, under one of her many fuzzy blankets. I sit up and look around, noticing Y/N is no longer there. After checking her kitchen and bedroom, I start to worry. Before I start to call her on the phone, I notice movement outside the window. I make my way onto the patio balcony to see her sitting on her bench with a book in her hands. At the sound of the door, she looks up and meets my gaze, smiling as she closes her book.

"Good morning sunshine" she says laughing just a bit.

"What happened?" I ask, joining her on the bench outside, running my hands through my hair as I attempt to fully wake up.

"Well, after awhile I noticed you fell asleep. I really thought it would be best to just let you get your rest."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to..." I start before she cuts me off.

"Its no problem! Not last night and not any other time. You are always welcome here." She gives me a warm, genuine smile. I know this is a sincere offer, one I'm sure I will take her up on again.

[romancequeen27]

BTS fanfiction

QUEEN ARMY

Chapter 8

I was finally getting out of the plane. I'm finally in South Korea. It's 1a.m. and it's very dark but the view, that I saw while flying, was amazing! I'm sure it looks even better in the daylight.

I go to get my suitcase and backpack that were too big to have them with me. When I find them I make sure that my stuff is in them.

I don't want the old switch switch to happen to me today. Oh, not today.

After that I went to take a seat and took my phone out. I turned off airplane mode and texted everyone that I have landed including the gang.

Me: hey I just landed.

Taetae: FINALLY!!! 😵😵

Mochi: Yay!!! We're waiting for you!!!

Hobi: CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU!!!!🙌🙌

Mr. Handsome: YEAH! We've been waiting for you for the whole day!!

Lil meow meow: More like the whole week. 📣📣

Joonie: true.

Cookie: yes, same.

Mochi: JUNGKOOKIE'S IN THE CHAT!!! YAAY!!!!😱🎊🎊

Hobi: Sunny isn't even with us yet and she's already bringing all of together. 💟

Lil meow meow: doing her job in a perfect way.

Me: can somebody tell me where is the security guy that's supposed to pick me up or will I be living in the airport??😂😂

Joonie: Oh yeah. He should be at the third entrance. Do you have the card with you?

Me: yea I have it

Joonie: ok then! Text us when you find him. Can't wait to see you! 💜

Mochi: have a safe drive! 💜💜💜

Mr. Handsome: 또봐요!!!

Me: 또봐요!!!💜💜💜

Mochi: OH, SUNNY!!! You are learning korean so fast!😄

Me: saying see you later in korean was one of the first and easiest things I learned.🤗

Cookie: still success! 😀😁

Me: ok I think I see my guy.

Joonie: Does he have the card?

Me: yea he does. Ok bye. 또봐요💜💜

I put my phone away and got closer to the body guard. I would see him flashing his card from 10 metres away. I pulled my card out and showed him.

"Annyeonghaseo... Jeoneun Sunny ieyo." I used my minimum knowledge of korean language.

"Go on. I want to hear more of your korean." The guy answered. I got suprised and he chuckled. "My name is Minsoo and I will be your personal body guard. You don't have to introduce yourself. Or speak in korean." He gave me a beautiful smile. He was pretty handsome. I was never good with guessing people's age, but he looked like he was born in the early 90ths.

"Ok, Minsoo. Then nice to meet you." We shook hands and he got my bags. "So if you're my body guard does that mean I can't go anywhere outside the house without you?" I asked him and looked up at him walking by my side.

"No, I will only be with you when you need someone to pick you upfrom somewhere, when you are walking in a croud or when you are with Bangtan and other security guards. I don't have any other dutties. I was assigned to protect only you." He explaned.

"I can see that you look pretty young compared to other body guards I've seen. When did you get this assigment?" He was well built too. Tall, broud shoulders, strong legs.

I wonder if Jin's shoulders are still wider.

"Right back before you were in London. I and some security guards from that arena were making sure that you won't make a run for it or something." We laughed and finally got to the car. "Sorry if we creeped you out with that." He said while putting my things in the trunk.

"It's okay. I kinda figured that out when the QUEEN ARMY stuff was announced." I said while getting into the car.

"You are a smart girl." He said and put his seat belt on.

"Thanks. But honestly, I first thought that I stole something or whatever." I said and did the same.

Minsoo chuckled and started to drive "Well the only thing you stole was the boys' hearts I guess." He smiled at me.

"...I guess" I did an awkward giggle and smiled to myself.

_ _ _ _

The drive was pretty long and if it wasn't for Minsoo's small talk I would of fell asleep. I'm sure he didn't want to be rude, but I guess he didn't take the hint of my tiredfull answers.

It was already past 2 a.m. and I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.

"Aaand finally we're here." Minsoo said in a friendly tone. I could tell that he was an optimistic person and I liked that.

I felt the car turn to the right "yeah, okay..." My brain was too tired to immediately process what he said. "Wait! We are?!" My eyes shook open when I realized what he said.

"Yes we are. " Minsoo answered driving past some bildings.

It was dark but you could see the big buildings, the little gardens near them, a lot of parked cars and signs in korean. I was curious why the only lit thing was the road we were driving on.

"This place is so nice! But why is everything dark except for our road?" Sleep and tiredness was at the back of my head right now.

"You're smart. Figure it out. " He grinned at me.

"... Don't tell me it's because of me..." I smiled a shy smile.

"Ding ding ding! Ten points!" Minsoo laughed while pulling into a bildings drive way.

"Oh, god... They do understand that this wasn't necessary. I'm not royal blood or anything." I laughed but at the same time was impresed at how much effort they put in this.

"The boys just want you to feel as welcome as posible, I guess." He smiled at me. " Now, are you ready to get out of the car and start a new path?" He looked me in the eyes.

I took a deep breath and answered " I am. I can do this." I wasn't 100% sure of my answer but that didn't matter to me right now.

"Good because I can see my bosses infront of the window already. " He chuckled and looked behind me.

I turned around and in the secont floor's ceiling-to-floor window I saw four dorks. I smiled widly and got out of the car. They started to wave and then came Jin with a sleepy Yoongi and Joonie. I giggled at them and waved back.

"Come on, I'll lead you to the front door." Minsoo had already taken my lugguage and backpack out of the trunk and was ready to go. I noded and we went into the building.

_ _ _

The first thing I saw was the receptionist's desk. It was empty because it was the middle of the night. Minsoo walked behind the desk, unlooked a drawer and took something out of it.

"In here is the card to this building and the pin codes to the gym, swiming pool, and your penthouse's doors. It's better to memorise them." He handed me an envelope.

"Okay, thank you." I took it.

We were starting to walk to the penthouse when I heard someone running.

"Sunny-ah!" I could hear our sunshine screaming.

Seconds later I see him running up to great me. I smiled widly and let him hug me. He picked me up and jumped a little bit.

"Ah! Hobi oppa, you're screaming in my ear!" I laughed from his extraness.

"Oh sorry, Sunny. I just missed you so much!" He let go of me and squeezed my face with his palms.

"I missed you too, Hobi-ah." I smiled at him and he returned the wide smile.

"Hey, leave some hugs for us too!!" Taehyung shouted walking along side all of the other members.

"Guys! I missed you all so much! There will always be enough hugs, come here!" I walked right up to them with my hands wide open. Tae was going to hug me first but Yoongs shouted aNIYOo! and shoved V away from my grasp.

Yoongi gently hugged me and said "We missed you more." right in my ear. I hugged him tightly and smiled. When I got out of Suga's embrace, I went to hug poor Taehyung.

"Oww, TaeTae, come here." I acted like he was a little puppy, because he looked like one.

Taehyung smiled and came to my embrace. After that I hugged all of the other members. Namjoon said something to Minsoo in korean and I thanked him in korean too. The boys were acting like I just made a scientific discovery, or that they were eating very tasty food. For them it's basically the same thing.

Jimin and Jungkook were fighting over who will take my bags and it was going nowhere. Me, Joon and Seokjin shared a look of annoyment. But Hoseok was the first one to snap and give my backpack to Jimin and my lugguage to Jungkook. I could feel that we were all sleepy and starting to get cranky. But I giggled at how they listened to their hyung so simply.

"Ok, Sunny-ah, we're all set so lets get you cosy in your new home. " Jin said and we all started walking.