#she should be a Lord of Order and a magic user! not this nonsense!

[fantastic-nonsense]

DC needs to just hand me the keys to Gemworld because this? This is not it.

Amy I swear I can fix what Bendis did to you and your lore, I promise!

[jedimaesteryoda]

Rise of Skywalker Review

WARNING MASSIVE SPOILERS

Rise of Skywalker is by far one of the worst Star Wars films ever made, and easily the worst of the sequel trilogy. The entire plot was a mess, it was unfocused, rushed, uneven and had too much plot convenience in the way of things like a dagger that manages to have a replica of the remains of the second Death Star for some reason. It also seemed more devoted to fan service than telling a good, coherent story. 

To be fair, Johnson was given charge of the middle film of the trilogy which clashed with Abrams’s vision. He also had killed off Snoke, so he couldn’t serve as the main villain in the next film,and dealt with Rey’s parentage so Abrams wasn’t left with a lot. Of course, Johnson largely didn’t retcon anything from the previous film, while Abrams did with ROS, which was a mistake. It felt like he was trying to undo Johnson’s changes in this film. 

The way Rey’s identity is revealed is poorly handled. Kylo tells her in the middle of the film that she is Palpatine’s granddaughter. Imagine if in Empire Strikes Back, instead of Vader telling Luke that he was his father at the end, it was Yoda who told him that in the second act. It would have had nowhere near as big an impact. It shouldn’t have been Kylo, but Palpatine himself who told her about her heritage. Also, Rey turning out to be a nobody with no magic bloodline as Rian Johnson intended, which is one of his few ideas I agreed with, actually would have been a better story and character choice. It at least promotes the idea that anyone can be a Jedi, that the Force chooses who is worthy without any attention to bloodlines. Also, how did Palpatine not keep track of his own family? This is the most powerful man in the galaxy we’re talking about. 

The main villain of the Rise of Skywalker turns out to be the main villain of the previous two trilogies: Palpatine. Admittedly, Palpatine is one of my top two favorite characters in Star Wars, and it was always great to see Ian McDiarmid play him on-screen. He was the main highlight in the prequels; I could look at each scene he’s in, and write an essay or at least a few paragraphs about just that one scene. However, his character seemed out of place in this one.

For starters, there was the way Abrams handled him in this film. Instead of not mentioning him, and just saving his reveal for the third act after some building up, and maximizing surprise and shock for the audience, Abrams just reintroduces him in the opening. It doesn’t have the same effect. They just shoehorned him into this film without him even being mentioned in the first two. At least in the original trilogy, by the time we see him in person in Return of the Jedi, Palpatine had previously been mentioned in the first film, A New Hope, and later introduced via Holonet in Empire Strikes Back, which provided plenty of build up towards his appearance in the third film. He played a key role in the story as he was the dark side counterpart to Yoda, founder of the tyrannical Empire, the one who turned Anakin Skywalker into Darth Vader, and was seeking to do the same to Luke. He was the personification of temptation towards the dark side and the Empire, the devil himself, who along with Vader was the trial Luke needed to face in his final step towards becoming a Jedi. In the prequel trilogy, Palpatine was the main villain in plain sight all along who was masquerading as the friendly Supreme Chancellor while he was Darth Sidious in the background pulling strings, and slowly turning the Old Republic into the Empire. In the sequel trilogy, he is introduced at the eleventh hour just to give Kylo and Rey something to unite against. 

In my opinion, he should have stayed dead. It seemed more fitting in that despite being the most successful Sith lord in history, having gone where no Sith has gone before by conquering the Galactic Republic and wiping out the Jedi Order, Palpatine still succumbed to the tradition of the Rule of Two, and like his predecessors was killed by his apprentice. The man who destroyed countless lives and betrayed so many people in his rise to power as well as after from the Separatists and senators to his apprentices, himself met his end by betrayal. By making him alive, Abrams also made Vader’s sacrifice in Return of the Jedi less meaningful. Vader originally found himself in choosing between the light (Windu) and the dark (Palpatine), chose the latter largely to save someone he cared about, his wife, and nearly wiped out the Jedi Order. He found himself in the same situation again, choosing between the light represented by Luke and the dark, again represented by Palpatine, and he chooses the former this time for the same reason: to save someone he cared about, his son. In the end, he turns again and in his last act destroys the Sith line, killing the last of the Sith lords, and ending Palpatine’s reign of terror for good and all. He thus fulfills his role as the Chosen One … only, whoops, turns out Palpatine survived, and the Chosen One didn’t actually do shit. I know Legends brought him back too in Dark Empire, but even that decision was met with some controversy within the community. It made little narrative sense to bring him back, and it was years before the prequels with Lucas doing the Chosen One angle for Anakin. I know some argue that Anakin brought balance to the Force briefly by killing Palpatine, but if Palpatine was the reason for the imbalance, then Rise of Skywalker means he was never truly dead, and that Vader didn’t truly correct the imbalance. 

Palpatine also was most effective by being subtle and nuanced with an undercurrent of menace, which clearly wasn’t present in this film. He didn’t feel as threatening as he did in Episodes VI and III. Even Sir Ian’s performance seemed largely more subdued in contrast to the confident, megalomaniacal character we all knew and loved. He wasn’t even fun in this one.

He also managed to disable an entire fleet just using Force lightning? I’m sorry, but that really pushes it as I know Palpatine is powerful, but even he never struck me as that powerful nor should he be. As George R.R. Martin said “I think if you put too much magic in your fantasy it overwhelms the plot, and it starts to make the plot nonsensical. If you do have a sorceress or a wizard who can speak a word and wipe out an army, why would you even assemble an army?” The use of the Force is supposed to be used in small, limited ways in battles a la Luke using the Force to accurately fire proton torpedoes into the exhaust port of the Death Star. Otherwise, if a Force user can take out an entire army or in this case, fleet, in a single blast, why didn’t any Jedi do that during the Clone Wars?

I wouldn’t have opposed seeing Palpatine in Rise of Skywalker, but as a Force vision akin to Luke’s experience in the cave in Dagobah. I felt that while the prequel trilogy was about Anakin and Palpatine’s backstories with the former’s journey to the dark side and the latter’s rise to power, the sequel trilogy should have been about their posthumous legacies through the Skywalker family and Empire/First Order respectively. Lucas didn’t envision bringing Palpatine back simply because he knew when a character had effectively fulfilled their role in a story. 

There are plenty of plot points or scenes that also don’t go anywhere or make sense. 

The Sith-class Star Destroyers being all armed with planet-destroying superlasers also made no sense. Watch Rogue One, and you see how the Death Star’s superlaser focus lens dwarfed all the Imperial Star Destroyers and Rebel capital ships, and yet they somehow managed to shrink it down to 1/1000th of its original size and still be as effective? In the original trilogy, the logic behind the superlaser being found only on a Death Star was simply because a laser powerful enough to destroy an entire planet had such huge power requirements and required so large a configuration that only a space station the size of a small moon could accommodate it. Palpatine also commissioned the building of at most, two, since one was threatening enough to send a message to the galaxy, and having an entire fleet of them also had more risks, ie the the risk of one being used against him. All it’d take is one to be hijacked, and be used to blow up the planet Palpatine is on. Then there is the context of the superlaser being used. Alderaan being blown up was treated as a big deal simply because it was. It was this universe’s equivalent of the first atom bomb being dropped on Hiroshima. It was something so terrible and devastating, that it was originally thought to be unfathomable. Leia also was helpless as she witnessed her home planet being obliterated in an instant, which made it that much more devastating. In this film, Kijimi is just blown up without any emotion or impact at all.

Also, there is the side trip of having to get C-3PO translate Sith language. Why have C-3PO be able to translate a language if he is forbidden from translating it? Wouldn’t it be simpler to just not have that language in his programming at all? What legitimate reason is there for Sith even being a forbidden language? It’s not like black speech from LOTR, which was discouraged simply because it drew the Eye of Sauron.

C-3PO also made the conscious decision to have his memory wiped away, stating if he didn’t then everything they fought for would be lost. He made this personal sacrifice to save the Resistance and the galaxy just to have R2-D2 later restore his memory in another scene. That just takes away the impact of his decision, as throughout the journey sacrifices are made along the way, and a sacrifice needs to be permanent in order for it to be meaningful. Imagine if after Obi-wan was killed in A New Hope, he resurrected in the original trilogy. 

General Hux is also revealed to be the First Order spy, and allows the group to escape, only to be found out right after and immediately killed. It doesn’t go into more detail regarding his defection, and he is killed off just like that as if he were a random side character rather than a major supporting character for two films. 

In another scene, Rey destroys a transport that supposedly carried Chewie by accidentally hitting it with Force lightning. Rey, of course, takes it very hard, believing she accidentally killed Chewie, only for it to be revealed shortly, that Chewie is alive as he had been on another transport that we never saw. What was the point of all that? Rey didn’t learn any lessons, and it didn’t contribute at all to the plot. The whole thing felt completely unnecessary. 

We also never got to hear what Finn wanted to tell Rey, or Poe wanted to tell Finn.

As far as lightsaber dueling goes, there were two lightsaber duels in the middle, and there was no point to them as opposed to Ben buying Luke time in A New Hope, Anakin sealing his fate as Palpatine apprentice in the beginning of Revenge of the Sith or a final duel at the end between light and dark like in all the other films.

However, there were a few moments I liked. I liked Kylo’s scene with his father Han. I like how it was left ambiguous as Han clearly couldn’t be a Force ghost given he wasn’t Force-sensitive, and we don’t know if it was all in Kylo’s head. Rey giving Kylo a lightsaber in the final fight to help, and maybe, Kylo sacrificing himself to heal Rey. 

It was good to see Lando, although we barely got to see him. He managed to get all the fleet together by convincing them to fight in the end, so he does play a role, but I think the Resistance should have more help due to Luke’s sacrifice in the previous film. Luke appeared, because he knew the galaxy needed Luke Skywalker, and the kids talking about him facing Kylo showed how he was inspiring the galaxy to resist the First Order. That proved to be another thing Abrams retconned. 

Finally, there is Rey choosing the surname of “Skywalker,” honoring the people she wanted to be and mentored her. Was it necessary? I mean Luke didn’t exactly decide to use the surname “Kenobi” in Return of the Jedi, although to be fair, his father did save his life in the end. Rey deciding to use her surname “Palpatine” would be her owning her identity, and showing that while she acknowledges her dark lineage, like Luke did with his, she doesn’t let her predecessor’s legacy define her. 

Long story short, Abrams and Disney really bungled the handling of the franchise. Each film felt like it’s own thing being separate from the other two rather than being part of an overarching vision. There was more focus on fan service than storytelling, and ROS didn’t leave me feeling satisfied. 

Also, Korriban will always be the Sith homeworld. 

[ghoultyrant]

FoZ Notes 7

Aaand we’re back.

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Louise says a bunch of stuff about glorious honorable deaths. Saito thinks she doesn't mean it. She claims that no, she doesn't really mean it, but "it has to be this way" because they're at war and anyway she's more bothered by Saito being depressed. So she's still more comfortable with death than a lot of people. The narrator goes on to confirm that okay yes she feels bad for the dead but not THAT bad because yes they did at least die with honor.

"Hugging a familiar isn't done due to status difference". Horseshit.

Oh wait those guys aren't dead. Pretty blatant that Cromwell revived them. Magic checks are done just in case Albion is laying a trap, but apparently Void Andvari zombies don't register to such checks? [Future note: We never ever get a proper explanation of what happened here. I think the intent is that Tiffania found them, nursed them back to health somehow, and then neuralized them, which makes no sense as Tiffania could not possibly have addressed the injuries these jackasses suffered, but FoZ is not exactly the height of consistency or logic so I suspect this nonsensical explanation really is the intent]

Oh my god the zombies think Saito is strange for mourning them I love these guys.

Aaaaand now we're contradicting the idea that dragon riders are people with dragon familiars. And asserting that they're all Wind affinity and flying familiars are normal for that.

Introduced to Julio Cesar, a Romalian priest with eyes of two colors who makes moves on Louise. Unprecedentedly good dragon rider, supposedly no magic. [Future note: My vibe from the word go was “way too Mary Sue”. Initially I thought he would be a temporary character and thus was tolerant of his presence. Nope. And he gets far, far worse]

Tristain intends to give Germania some of Albion's territory once they win, and intends to find someone of royal blood to reinstate the Albionese monarchy. The former seems... impractical. [Future note: Once this war is over, Albion’s situation drops off the face of the planet. The fact that Albion ought to resent being split down the middle like this, the tendency for real countries to resent leadership installed by outsiders, and all the other problems with this situation? Irrelevant! Ugh]

Romalia is helping against Albion because Reconquistador's agenda basically threatens the legitimacy of the Pope's authority.

The illusion spell can be used for scouting utility. [Reader note: In the sense that Louise can reconstruct what she remembers looking at to provide a high level of detailed information to people more quickly than words would provide]

Albion is defending at least Saxe-Gothe with orcs, trolls, "demi-humans". One line in Baka-Tsuki's translation calls orcs demons, so possibly the demons to the east are just monsters. [Future note: No]

Cromwell is perfectly happy to take food from Saxe-Gotha's citizens to deny the invaders food, on the expectation they will end up feeding the citizens instead. He intends to blame the non-human forces, is fine with losing the city to revolt, and also intends to poison the water supply with Void magic somehow.

Cromwell can mass-revive the dead with his ring. He stole the ring from the Water Spirits with the help of Sheffield and Gallian "mage knights". Also, Cromwell has no magic himself. [See?]

We get introduced to Wind Stones properly, at last. [Reader note: We heard about them in regard to airships before, but “they exist” and “they are relevant to flight” was the extent of our information] The Ring of Andvari is a Water magic artifact, not a Void magic one. Something about concentrated magic like this being Void's enemy. [Future note: Wait, what? Ugh, another thing that never gets properly explained or brought up again] Ominous foreshadowing that the Ring of Andvari does more than just raise the dead. Also, it's used up a little bit with each casting.

Still not clear what non-Wind dragons have over Wind Dragons. I thought it was fire breath, but nope. [Reader note: That is, Wind Dragons can breathe fire, too]

Implication that Gandalfr power comes from feelings aimed at the master.

"Medal of White Hair Soul". What the fuck? [Reader note: A medal being awarded to people for valor in combat et al. I really hope Baka-Tsuki is badly botching the translation here]

Louise being jealous of Guiche because he's getting praised for his accomplishments by family.

Detailed images of Brimir are considered disrespectful... oh, and nobody really knows what he looked like anyway.

Founder's Festival AKA Not Christmas, in which even war gets put on hold. It's a new year festival. 10 days long. [Future note: We never hear about this ever again, even though it’s a major event and the story goes on for years]

No wine in Albion. Just beer and tea. Where do they get the tea from?...

Siesta is related to Scarron. Goddammit. Jessica -Scarron's daughter- is also of Japanese descent, apparently from her mother. (So a daughter of Siesta's grandfather)Straight black hair is rare in Halkeginia.

Claim from Louise, backed by the narrator, that Henrietta's goal is revenge for Wales' death.

Louise being about Honor And Duty again. Don't insult honor around her. "No honor->not a noble->not me" Says she would gladly die for her country if it was called for.

The rings are clear for Wind, blue for Water, brown for Earth. Supposedly made from Brimir's blood. All called rubies. Gallia has Earth. Supposedly Romalia had Fire, but they lost it, purportedly because of Tristain. [Future note: We eventually discover Colbert has the Fire one. We also eventually discover that Romalia has another one because, yes, there’s actually 4]

Julio Cesar isn't jerkface's real name. He calls himself it after a great Romalian leader, Totally Not Julius Caesar. [Future note: The author seems to forget this, as we never find out what his real name is or anything] Julio is an orphan.

Gallia has the highest population in Halkeginia. Capitol is named Lutece. Palace is called Versailles. Has a big garden. Royal family's blue hair is super-unusual, making everyone at the Academy a Moron. [Reader note: Well, actually, it makes the author a moron, but in-universe you have to assume the Academy students are all idiots, as they genuinely had no idea, even while guessing she must be a bastard because she wouldn’t talk about her history!] Current Gallian king is shit at magic, named Joseph. [Future note: This is a semi-decent foreshadowing that he’s a Void user] Chess lover. Lover of miniatures in general. Is either out of touch with reality or pretending very effectively. [Future note: This out-of-touch aspect of his character goes away fairly soon, replaced by Some Men Just Want To See The World Burn. No, it’s not character development, nor is he throwing off pretensions of craziness. He just changes for no reason]

ANOTHER goddamn Ring of Andvari in the mountains of Saxe-Gotha. [Reader note: No explanation of how Sheffield knew it was there. No, we never get one. No, it doesn’t make sense in context of later information. This is literally the plot happening because fuck you the author said so] And hints Sheffield is a Void user. [Future note: Close, past me! She’s a familiar to a Void user] She does some kind of mass mind control by melting this Ring into the water supply. [Future note: This is never properly explained, on any level]

An idiot covering his retreat by sacrificing Louise. Ugh. The retreat is caused by the bullshit mass mind control.

Julio knows Saito is Gandalfr somehow. [Future note: This actually does make sense, kind of, eventually]

Gandalfr is a load of anime horseshit. [Reader note: In the ‘I swing so fast nobody saw the sword move’ and ‘I can jump superhigh and run superfast and so on’ school of anime horseshit. Saito is operating well beyond plausible peak human potential]

Derflinger has some vague upper limit on his ability to absorb magic. With absorbed magical power he can take control of his master because shut up. [Future note: Say it with me, children. This never crops up again]

Haha Gallia fucks over Albion instead, unceremoniously killing Cromwell.

Infodump:

"The left hand of God is Gandálfr, the ferocious shield of the lord. His left hand wields a large sword and his right hand wields a long spear, protecting me with endless vigilance. The right hand of God is Vindalfr, the kind-hearted flute of the lord. He dominates all beasts of life, leading me through earth, sky, and water. The mind of God is Myoznitnirn, the book that carries the crystallization of thought. It carries all knowledge and provides advice whenever I am in need. There is one more person, but remembering its name gives me trouble… Taking the four disciples, I came to this land"

[Reader note: The above is something Tiffania sings. It’s foreshadowing, I guess. I quoted it mostly because it gives of three out of four familiar personal names. And now that I think about it -writing this having completed volume 18- the story still hasn’t gotten to that fourth one]

Tiffania is introduced. Some kind of half-elf who takes care of orphans and Deus Ex Machinas Saito because shut up. [Reader note: Again, she has no extranormal capacity for medical care. Saito is good as new in fairly short order in the following volume, having gotten pretty badly injured here. The author just employs The Power Of Ambiguity And Off-Screen Happenings to let you think this makes sense even though it most certainly does not]

End volume 7.

---------- 

In which the author seems to grow bored of this Albion plotline and summarily end it. Oh and Saito ends up separated from Louise, with her led to believe he’s dead.

[Future note: This is not the first time Saito and Louise end up separated. It keeps happening, artificially and nonsensically, and is very much repeating a plot of having Saito and/or Louise conclude that, for some reason, they should be separated, and then concluding that no! They will be together Forever because Love! You know, until the next time the author wants to have relationship drama between the two of them, because quite clearly he has no idea how actual relationships actually work

I’m not exaggerating for comedic effect here. The author does not understand human relationships. This would be a niggling annoyance if the story remained focused on its ‘epic’ plotline, but increasingly Saito and Louise’s relationship is made central to the plot, among other relationships increasingly brought to the fore, so this utter failure is something you can’t just ignore while you enjoy the meat of the story. It’s already been causing problems, and it’s going to get truly awful from hereon]