#she was owed at least one hit on him in that s5 fight she's waited long enough

[queencvbra]

I think she should have been allowed to deck Kyler in the face at least once, if only because of this shit.

[black-coffee-and-sugar]

Fair warning: it's a long post. Let's examine some of the reasons that Kara has cited why she didn't tell Lena the super secret:

1. She wanted to protect her

Now, this one has some legs on it as Kara specifically mentions it in S3 during a conversation with James and Mon-El. And there's definitely some truth to it. But it's also bullshit. Lena was in constant danger and put herself at risk to save/protect Kara who didn't actually need it. In fact, the first time Lena's mentioned (not shown just mentioned) it's in regards to the venture explosion - something that happened because Lex was trying to kill her. People have been trying to kill, kidnap, manipulate, threaten Lena since minute one. Knowing Kara = SG would not have severely worsened any of that. In fact, it might've helped ease Lena's anxieties and resulted in her taking less risks with her life. In fact, I'm surprised Lena didn't think that Kara's association with her was putting Kara at risk (a far more likely thing).

The 100th episode addresses this to some degree in one of the AUs. Lena tells Kara that she wouldn't have had to risk her life dealing with Sam/Reign alone if she'd known the truth and she's absolutely right. And sure, Lena could've told SG and the DEO when she pieced Reign = Sam together but ask yourself, why would she? What assurance did she have that the DEO would not have treated her BEST FRIEND like a hostile instead of someone in need of help? The DEO is guilty of this and they have a history of locking up aliens indefinitely and on occassion straight up murder. After Reign nearly killed their biggest asset (i.e. SG) why in the hell would Lena trust them with helping Sam? She wouldn't nor should she have. She didn't know that she could go to SG because remember, Lena doesn't think of her the same way she does of Kara. SG is not her best friend. She doesn't have a personal, humanized relationship with her (at least not that she knows of). And obviously she's not going to tell Kara the human reporter with the DEO agent sister about it either. And the kryptonite? SG lost her shit over it even though she's been working with the DEO who stockpiled the stuff until SM left with it (a dumbass move that would've bit them so hard in the ass with the WK situation if it weren't for Lena's kryptonite!). Plus, Kara didn't have an issue with Oliver having a kryptonite arrow, J'onn having a sword. But Lena? How dare she!

So yea no. I get that "I kept my secret to protect you" is a popular thing in the hero world but in the case of Kara and Lena, it doesn't make sense and it did make situations unnecessarily harder.

2. She didn't trust Lena

This is mentioned by Kara to William in a deleted scene from S5 but I think it's worth exploring. I'm not sure to what extent Kara means with this but it could be referring to the moments as SG where she did display a distrust of Lena's intentions and she used Lena's personal relationships against her (i.e. asking James to break into Lena's lab). I mentioned the S3 shitshow with the kryptonite which is where a lot of this started but there's also other scenes in that same season where SG pretty much calls into question the so-called trust she has in Lena despite claiming otherwise. The switch was so abrupt the minute she learned Lena not only had but knew how to make kryptonite. Did anyone ever consider why Lena would bother learning how to make kryptonite? I'd hazard a guess that it was something she was looking into even before Sam/Reign. I think she happened to find Lex's stock and she decided to learn how it works and why it affects the Supers like it does. That would explain how Lena seems to be the ONLY ONE able to make an anti-kryptonite suit and other viable forms of the rock (i.e. Harun el). But no, SG and others immediately jump to the worst conclusions and associate the endeavour with Lena's last name, something SG KNOWS Lena is sensitive about it. And then the harun el. SG was suddenly fine with Lena making it when it was to split Sam from Reign and save Argo from extinction. But when it was used for something else that Lena didn't clue her in on (and what do you know, Alex, Brainy and James didn't either and they KNEW what Lena was doing with it) she got back on her high horse and the distrust became front and centre. You can't trust Lena as Kara and then immediately distrust her as SG and expect her to be accepting of this dichotomy. I'm surprised the woman managed to retain her sanity.

And still, this reasoning doesn't quite hit the mark in comparison to every other insistence of Kara believing in Lena (from day one she even told Clark that she believed Lena after meeting her for the first time). But the contrasting opinions and actions must have given Lena pause. I don't blame her to call into question which version of the truth was real and choosing to believe the worst. It's what SG and the SFs have been doing to her.

3. She was wary of Lena

This isn't an explicitly given reason but I do think it's how the secret keeping started in S2. Frankly, I don't even blame Kara for not showing her full deck in the beginning because she (and even us as an audience) didn't know much about Lena beyond wanting to do good and not be like her family. So no, Kara not telling Lena in the beginning actually makes sense to me (though she told Nia in a split second but that's neither here nor there). For me, I started to seriously take Lena at her word after the Medusa episode. That would've been the perfect opportunity for her to show the true "xenophobic" colours some parts of the fandom accuse her of having and she didn't do it. I don't think she even got so much as a thank you for it. People praise SM for getting Lex arrested but ultimately it was Lena's testimony that got him thrown behind bars. Same thing with Lillian! And yes, the daxamite invasion was facilitated by Lena unwittingly working with Rhea but she fixed it with the lead dispersal bomb, a device she allowed SG the privilege of using or not. So Kara and the SFs being cautious about Lena really should've evaporated halfway through S2 (and it did for Kara at least). In fact, the daxamite invasion may not have happened if Lena knew exactly who Rhea was and her relation to Mon-El because they would've warned Lena about it. Lena did want Kara's advice on Rhea and she would've waited for it if she knew what was going on (i.e. Alex being held hostage) and hell, might've been able to fix it in typical Lena ex machina fashion.

4. She didn't want to lose her

This is probably as close to the truth as we've gotten and it's actually part of her confession in 5x01 (something her outburst in 5x19 tries to undo). But the thing is, Kara KNEW this was a possibility and yet, continued walking towards the deadly cliff with her eyes wide open. The probability of losing Lena got higher and higher as time went on and it was always inevitable. There was always this spotlight placed on Kara telling Lena or Lena finding out on her own but there was always a HUGE chance that Lillian would've told her. Or Lex, which is exactly what happened. And Kara knew that they knew and yet she did nothing about it. The minute kara found out Lillian knew she should've taken action, what guarantee did she have that Lillian wouldn't have gotten bored of waiting for Lena to piece it together? How can they just leave Lillian with dangerous knowledge like that is beyond me. When Alex in particular has made such a big deal about people knowing, didn't want Kara telling Lena, only allowed Kara to tell Lucy to save J'onn and yet, letting Lillian amble about with this info is okay??? Nothing was stopping her from telling Lena or it slipping during one their chess games and definitely nothing stopping Lex from dropping that bomb.

The 100th episode AUs showed us that each time it was Kara telling the truth, no matter how hurt and upset Lena rightfully was, she was ultimately fine with it. And Kara ends up losing her to death, not because Lena walked away. How this wasn't the takeaway message for Kara after that adventure, idk. It was Kara's hesitatancy in telling Lena that allowed Lex to weaponize this secret and twist it into something it never was. And yes, Kara doesn't owe a damn soul her secret and has rarely ever been given the chance to tell anyone on her own terms (James - told by SM, Alex, J'onn, Brainy, Mon-El, the Legion - always knew, Lex & Lillian, Lord & Cat - found out somehow). She only ever got to tell Winn, Lucy and Nia and I'm sorry but none of those people have ever proven themselves trustworthy at the time of the reveal the way Lena has.

So while Kara is every right to keep her secrets, she was wrong to insert herself in Lena's life if she never had any intention of telling her and let's be honest, it really didn't seem like Kara had any timeline on that front.

5. She was selfish

Similar to the above and also mentioned during the confession but this is even deeper. Lena was something of an outlet for Kara, a way to feel completely normal, something she hasn't been able to experience with anyone, even Mon-El. Can you imagine being a cub reporter who knows powerful CEO Lena Luthor and having said CEO choose to spend time with you? Choose to let you interview her when she's wary of the press (remember her interactions with Clark in 2x01 and her family history)? Choose to treat your problems as important and valid and human? I don't blame Kara at all for being selfish with Lena, for wanting to keep Lena all to herself like that. But to not share the other aspects of herself was seriously wrong too and resulted in this imbalance in their relationship. To Lena, it looks like she was giving all of herself when Kara was not. It looks like she put all her trust and vulnerabilities out there when Kara didn't. It looks like Kara was using her (which let's be real, she kinda did a few times in S2 with the fight club and bs article to get info on Lillian and then ofc the CatCo-Edge problem she visited Lena for after ignoring her and proceeding to continue the rejection after Lena said she'd look into it).

You think post-reveal Lena didn't think back to all those moments and have those kinda thoughts? Even called into question what might've been the real reason James dated her and Kara was so insistent on befriending her? Were there perhaps times were she figured it out and can't remember and what's why she chose not to see it? Why do we think she still showed up game night in 4x22 instead of confronting Kara? Because these thoughts amongst others must've been swarming her mind and the only way to keep the upper hand is to continue playing dumb. So yes, Kara made the conscious decision to be selfish with Lena because of the unexpected connection they forged and I get it totally. But Lena has never been selfish and she's always made hard efforts to be a damn good friend (and she was idc what others might think on that) and open herself up to Kara despite how difficult and frankly foreign that is for her.

So are Kara's reasons valid? To a point, I would say yes but their validity waned over the seasons to the point where the secret keeping didn't even make sense anymore.

So was Lena's anger valid? Yes! 100% it was and honestly, I'm surprised she managed to keep it together for so long. I couldn't. But her anger doesn't justify her actions (mind control, manipulating Kara, threatening Russell, holding J'onn's bro captive, putting Hope inside Eve) and how she went out of her way to hurt Kara back. However, I get why she did it though it's worth pointing out that this is the only instances of a betrayal in her life where Lena has gone this far. Bitch straight up spiralled where previously she would cut ties and move the fuck on with life. But with Kara, that doesn't even seem to manifest itself to Lena as an option. Will the show ever address the obvious WHY for this and for Kara being so so terrified of losing Lena (like honestly I have never seen Kara look more distressed).

Maybe, maybe not but regardless I'm not buying this platonic friends nonsense because no one is that devastated over a friendship. Many of us (myself included) have experienced falling outs with very close friends and breakups. Which one do you think the Kara/Lena rift in S5 felt like? It was full on heartbreak, loving someone in complete torment and not being able to stop despite wanting to because even though it's painful, the alternative is infinitely worse.

MB and KM's acting choices aside, these idiot showrunners have brought us to this point with their own narrative and the only logical next step is to make them canon.

Lol okay I'm done.

[hazelnmae]

Lies Travel Faster Part Two: Chapter Four

Summary: Sophia Murphy’s past is coming for her. Can she outrun it?

Tags: Tommy Shelby x Original Female Character

Warnings: angst; smut; violence; language; rape/non-con; death

ALSO WARNING: This chapter catches us up to the events of S5 so beware of S5 Spoilers.

Chapter 4 Read Chapter 3 here

“I had a dream about a black cat last night, Pol. A black cat dream means there is a traitor close by. It was you who taught me that.”

“Black cat can mean lots of things,” Polly responded. “Can mean you're hurting yourself. Betraying yourself.”

Tommy lit the cigarette hanging from his mouth and leaned his back against the bar.

The dreams had been coming more frequently. The hallucinations more clearly. And since the news of the stock exchange crashing, he couldn’t get rid of the sinking feeling that things would get worse before they got better.

“Are you seeing things, Thomas?” Polly asked him after a few moments of silence.

“Yes, I am,” he responded without thinking. “Yes, I am. Very clearly. Coming from every fucking direction.”

Though he wouldn’t admit it, he was nervous. Not for the meeting--he’d never been nervous to face his family, least of all Michael, even if he did lose much of the company’s holdings in the crash. He wanted to throttle his cousin, was ready to cut him out of the family altogether, but he wasn’t nervous to see him.

When she walked into the pub, it suddenly made sense. The bundle of nerves that had been sitting in his chest fell quickly to the pit of his stomach.

Sophie.

She made quick eye contact with him, but promptly dodged his gaze by looking about the room for someone else, anyone else to address. She made a beeline for Polly on the other side of the room.

Michael and Gina walked to the middle. They were the focus of the meeting, after all, and Sophie planned to fly under the radar. Why Tommy had insisted on her attending at all still had her a bit flustered. It wasn’t he who requested it directly, of course, but Arthur who spoke with her at the train station.

Polly just eyed her as Sophie moved to the woman’s side. The grin on her face indicating this was a moment she’d been waiting for. For Sophie, though, this was the moment she’d been dreading.

She hadn’t wanted to return to Birmingham, not really, but she knew she had to. There was nothing left for her in America. Once and for all, she’d ended the feud that plagued her for so many years. And while that was a particular relief for her, she had no desire to stay and start over with a new life.

The truth was she was comfortable in her new line of work. Pulling that trigger and dropping Vincenzo reignited a fight in her that she’d long ago lost. Her previous life in Birmingham was a dream to her now, an odd and sometimes frightening, always disappointing, dream. A dream in which she’d lost herself. She’d lost sight of who she was--from where she came. And her time in America only reminded her of that.

Returning to Birmingham required a reconciliation of those two versions of herself. And she welcomed this.

It also required a reconciliation of another kind. One she wasn't ready for.

Tommy attempted to take charge of the meeting, almost immediately, clearing his throat and leaning his back against the bar to get everyone’s attention.

But Michael didn’t sit, not yet. Instead he walked toward his cousin and spoke first.

“Tommy, I'd like to introduce you to my wife,” Michael said, motioning toward Gina who sat at the small table behind him. “I would also like to say something--”

“Sit down, Michael,” Tommy interrupted.

But Michael continued, “I betrayed you--”

This time it was Polly who interrupted, taking a step toward them and ignoring Sophie as her focus now turned to her son.

“Michael,” she said sternly.

But again, Michael continued on, “But only in my heart. There was a time, in America, and there was a lot of money in that bank. And I wondered if I could I could leave, move to California. Someone said I should invest in pictures. Hollywood. But Sophie stopped me.” He nodded toward her where Sophie audibly gasped at the attention now turned on her. She felt her heart racing and feared it might actually burst from her.

But Tommy didn’t even look in her direction.

“I told you to sit down, Michael,” he said.

This time Michael did what he was told and the discussion quickly shifted to the real order of business, the ship’s docking in Belfast and the run-in with the Billy Boys and the IRA that followed.

Sophie hadn’t been aware of it at first, as both sides clearly focused on Tommy Shelby’s cousin rather than some woman he once knew.

She was on edge for the rest of the trip after Michael came to her cabin and informed her of what had taken place. But in truth, she was also relieved to have been no part of it. Judging by Tommy’s demeanor, he wasn’t convinced by Michael’s story and Sophie was thankful she wasn’t also in a position to have to defend herself.

The fact that she clearly meant so little to Tommy that neither side would come for her had her feeling something else, though. Anger. Frustration. Sadness. A combination of all three. She was angered and frustrated that his enemies had apparently caught onto the dissolution of their relationship quicker than she had. And she was saddened to have to face it all over again.

Sophie realized she’d completely lost track of the conversation unfolding and had no idea how it’d taken the turn it had, but Micheal's proclamation caught her attention, snapping her back to the present.

“The reason Gina and I got married on the ship was because Gina is pregnant,” Michael said. “You're going to be a grandmother,” he added, turning to Polly.

Polly was shocked and Sophie could tell it was taking everything in her not to burst into tears right then and there. She sat at the next table, steadying herself to the news.

“Okay, Michael. I believe you,” Tommy finally said. “Welcome home. And congratulations.”

He extinguished the almost spent cigarette and added, “Just remember your unborn child has witnessed what you said.”

“Thomas!” Polly shouted, appalled at the gall her nephew had to curse an unborn baby.

“And it will be born according to--”

“You fuck!” Michael interrupted, practically jumping from his chair and moving toward Tommy, who didn’t even flinch.

Sophie, instinctively, moved toward the scuffle, but Arthur made it there first, restraining Michael who held onto Tommy’s empty gaze.

“Where the fuck are you going, hmm? Are you fucking mad?” Arthur asked his cousin. “You are free to fucking leave, Michael.”

“You fucking bastard,” Michael spat at Tommy through gritted teeth.

“But you're not free, Michael, are you? You lost this company a lot of money,” Tommy replied calmly. “I told you to sell but you held on, and now I want you to pay me back what you owe me. There is work you can do, there are risks you can take. We were close before. Now I want you closer still,” Tommy said, claiming the last word.

“Michael, honey,” Gina said. “Look at your cousin. He's in trouble, huh? He needs you. Come on, baby, let's go.”

And with that, Michael, Gina, and Polly left the pub in a flurry.

“Black cat dream is never wrong, brother,” Arthur added before taking one look at Sophie and walking out the door behind them.

The gravity of the situation finally hit Sophie for the first time.

A black cat dream. She didn’t know much about Romani culture, but she was sure she’d heard about black cat dreams from Polly when Alfie Solomons had betrayed Tommy at the fights two years prior. They were bad omens. They signified a traitor approaching.  

Tommy had told Michael to sell, and Michael had refused, fancying himself the wiser man. Clearly Tommy interpreted this as a traitorous act. An act of betrayal.

And Sophie questioned this herself. Is Michael a traitor? Was there something happening in America I should have noticed? Could I have stopped this? She thought.

Tommy stood in silence for a few moments, not even looking at Sophie, instead stepping behind the bar to grab another bottle of whiskey and pour himself a drink.

He nodded in her direction, to ask if she would care for a drink herself, but she shook her head to refuse the offer.

Tommy leaned against the bar and finally looked at her, drinking her in after what felt like an eternity. He’d forgotten so much about her. The intense way she could hold his eye contact. The way she always seemed to be smiling from the corners of her mouth, even when she was unhappy or upset. He’d remembered how beautiful she was, but was struck by the new air of confidence that emanated from her, as if it just added to the charm.

She was wearing her hair different, but she’d changed in other ways too.

“You look different,” he said, finally deciding to speak to her for the first time in two years.

“How so?” Sophie asked in return.

He didn’t know how to answer the question, because he couldn’t exactly identify it himself. He knew what she’d done in America, of course, always staying informed of her movements but never letting her know as much. But he wasn’t sure if that’s what had changed her.

“I don’t know. At peace?” He finally offered as much a question as an answer.

Sophie just smiled.

She certainly didn’t consider herself at peace. She was satisfied that she’d sought and found justice for her family, but she wasn’t at all at peace with what she’d done.

“I feel different.”

“At peace?” He asked.

“No,” she answered. “You know, Tommy, in my time away I learned just how alike we are, you and I. And you know as well as I do that people like us will never have peace.”

Something about what she said and how she said it cut to Tommy’s core. He didn’t want Sophie to be like him. He wanted her to find peace. But somewhere deep inside, he knew she was right. She had proven she was like him--determined, stubborn really, and unrelenting in the pursuit of what they wanted. Damn if she isn’t exactly right, he thought.

He felt like he should say something--tell her she was wrong, assure her she’d one day find peace, remind her just how much better than him she really was. But he couldn’t form the right words. So, as usual, he remained silent.

“You look different, too,” she continued after a short pause, gesturing toward his hair.

Tommy ran a hand through his hair and grinned.

And Sophie felt it in her gut. That grin.

It always did have a way of leaving her breathless, of knocking her flat on her ass when she least expected it.

She realized in that moment just how much she’d missed being near him. And she found herself frantically working out any way of remaining close to him.

She’d come to the meeting to resign from Shelby Company, for the second time. But when he grinned she panicked at the thought of leaving him again.

She cleared her throat to speak, to ask for more work, any excuse to stay near him, but was relieved when Tommy beat her to it. She tried to steady herself again.

“Clearly your work in America is finished. I've some ideas for you,” he paused to take a drag from his freshly lit cigarette then continued, “but I have plans tonight. Come to Charlie’s yard tomorrow. We can work out the details.”

Sophie just stared at him, unable, in that moment, to decide what direction she should take. Refuse, walk away for good, leave it all behind? Or agree, keep him near, risk it all?

“That is assuming you still want to work for us,” he added.

“No. I mean, yes. Of course I do," She answered quicker than she thought she could.

Sophie felt her palms grow sweaty, suddenly anxious now that she'd committed to something.

That’s when the door to the pub swung open and a slight, dark haired woman entered. She looked at Sophie first, then glanced at Tommy before returning her gaze to Sophie.

Tommy cleared his throat and shuffled his feet, obviously uncomfortable with the situation.

“Ah, well, you're busy,” Sophie said to no one in particular.

“Yes, we've got plans--”

But Sophie interrupted him, just smiling, “You said that.”

Somewhat abruptly, Sophie turned and made her way from the pub, not even giving him an opportunity to respond. She didn’t need a response, Jesse Eden’s presence said it all.

She’d recognized the young woman from the photographs she’d seen in the paper. Sophie wasn’t sure if she was still in Tommy’s life, as Arthur hadn’t mentioned her in his updates as of late. But seeing her walk in, the look she gave Tommy, his reaction to the two women being in the same room--it was all the update she needed.

Inside the pub, Jesse turned her attention to Tommy, somewhat shocked at Sophie’s rude behavior. She hadn’t even stopped to introduce herself.

“You going tell me what that's about?” Jesse asked, fidgeting with her gloves.

“No,” was all the response she received.

Because just then, he spotted Sophie’s shawl on the back of a chair by where she’d stood during the meeting. It was a deep green and he thought how it must compliment her skin tone. It was elegant--and it made him think of just how full of contradictions she was. Soft, feminine, full of class. A woman who could wear that shawl. But strong, tough, merciless when necessary. A woman who could drop a ruthless Italian mobster with one shot from a distant hillside. After all this time, she still fascinated him.

“Let’s go, Thomas," Jesse said, sensing he'd been distracted.

“One minute.”

He made his way across the room as Jesse walked out of the pub ahead of him. He gently lifted the shawl off the back of the chair, careful not to let any ash fall from his cigarette onto the delicate material. He held it to his nose and inhaled deeply.

It was soft in his calloused and overworked hands.

And it smelled like fucking peonies.

Tommy tossed it on the table and followed Jesse out the door.

_______________________

Read Chapter 5

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