#shiggy recaps a leadership course

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Shiggy Goes To The VMI Centre For Leadership & Ethics

Under the break is all the notes I took during the conference. Most came from the speaker Dr. Hogan, some came from cadets and alumni I spoke with, and most of the quotations are verbatim from ex-Navy SEAL James Hatch.

VMI Centre for Leadership & Ethics GRIT - Growth, Resilience, Integrity, Tenacity GRIT Conference Grit & Growth Mindset is a tremendous indication of success. Success comes from: - family, culture, friendship; a supporting blanket. People who encourage you to rise higher. - Environment and circumstance; in other words, good luck. Sometimes it really does come down to luck. 10,000 hour rule: the best of the best started young and kept at it constantly. - How good you are at the beginning has no bearing, it’s more influenced by how much time of deliberate practice is put in. Talent is merely part of it. - People of average intelligence and skill can become world class. You gotta work hard — and the path to success is never linear. - Deliberate practice is influenced by a growth mindset — a willingness to learn. - Mindsets are beliefs about yourself and your basic qualities, e.g. “I’m bad at math.” Fixed mindset would be “and I’ll never get better,” growth is “but I can get better.” - Fixed growth mindset is deciding you’ve hit your ceiling in something. You can’t get better anymore, or it’s not worth it, at the first negative feedback or wall you hit. - Growth is “that failed, but I can see why it did and I’ll avoid making that same mistake!” - Being growth oriented is a good indication of success. Believe in a world of no ceilings. Brain is a muscle; harder you work, smarter you get. There’s no ceiling to stop us from doing what we think we can do; except our own mind. - Encourage your children, but don’t stop at a young age. Continue to encourage them to work harder. If they stop young, if they get situated on one thing they’re good at without working in what they’re not good at, they’ll stagnate. - Always remember - one day, you were that young too. - Behaviour persistence. Commit even if it is difficult or adversarial, this is a marathon, not a sprint. - Sustained and passionate pursuit of goals. Gotta be able to tap into passion when you’re low. - Hard work isn’t all. - Working hard for something you don’t care about is stressful - working on what you love is passion. - Grit is a better predictor of success than intelligence and skill. Who you know helps, but it’s not all. - Authentic grit; passionate pursuit that inspires others to become better, humble; never put others down and always try to make them happier or better in some way. - Bad grit. Taking shortcuts (faux grit) not doing everything and acting like you put in the same level of work. Stubborn grit - being so fixated upon a goal that you ignore negative feedback or any cautionary words, ignoring any better way to get there. Selfish/selfie grit - “I” and “me”, tell everybody what you did, being all about yourself. - Learn how to take criticism and feedback objectively and constructively, not defensively. - Nobody sets out to fail, but you can learn from failure, and then it around into an opportunity with constructive self reflection. - Get comfortable with uncertainty, you won’t always be in your comfort zone. - Be optimistic - but realistic. - Hear feedback from people, observe others failures and learn from them too. - Never get angry at criticism or get sad; they’re the wrong responses. You won’t get better at your skill if you react defensively or take it personally. - Don’t say “you’re so smart”, say something like “great work studying so hard!” - Reward yourself and others, not just on outcomes, but in effort too. - Look forward optimistically, but be realistic — if you don’t swim ever, you aren’t going to beat Michael Phelps. - Don’t assume you can’t, if you’re lost, seek help to better understand. - Ask yourself whether you hit a wall or can detour and try from another route. - Gotta know what you love to pursue it with zeal. - Encourage and open dialogue with others. Discuss success and failure stories — so both of you can learn from it. - Example of slip from good to bad grit - working so hard you go from passion to stress, and negatively impact your health. - Always remain aware of who or what helped you to get to where you are. - Don’t forget where you came from - don’t become self-absorbed. - Grit in areas without passion — at the beginning, things tend not to be enjoyable. But the worn you’re doing, in some form, helps what you are passionate about. Just find that relation and keep going to it as fuel. - Grit is long term — a marathon, not a sprint. - Remember: reward on effort, not on result. - To reach your ultimate goal, take it step-by-step, day-by-day. - Include everybody; find a way to relate and get even the quiet guy talking. - Retain info, and remember situations. You never know when you’ll have to recall things in minute detail. - Remain positive — and analyse your failures. Hang around positive people. - SMART Goals - Specific Measurable Attainable Realistic/Relevant Time-Oriented Goals. - Thinking Traps: “I’ll never amount to anything.” “Could’ve been, should’ve been,” “I’m the worst!” Refuse to fall into such traps. - Are ethical dilemmas ever black-and-white? How many drops of piss does it take to spoil the soup? - It’s easy to lie to yourself. - ABCs - activation event; belief - what you think in that event; consequence - how you react due to your beliefs. Event: you’re injured in a hockey game. Belief: you can’t play, you’re injured. Consequence: you don’t play. Event: coach comes in and shouts that you’re not a hockey player, you’re just a quitter. Belief: “fuck you, I’ll play!” Consequence: Playing hard in the rink, out of spite if nothing else. - You’ll have to define success in your own life. At some point, you’ll have to pay a price, in some shape, or form. There will be a sacrifice. You will have to make hard decisions. - Criticism is a two-way street. You have to have thick skin, but also know to not take it personally. Criticism is meant for betterment of your shortcomings. - You have to be your own harshest critic. If you’re criticised, you should’ve noticed beforehand at least slightly. - Being able to take criticism constructively and objectively is a must. Not only does it mean no arguments or upset feelings, but it means that others can see your potential for improvement and constructive work in a team — and your continued worth as an employee. - Anybody can point out to you how you fucked up - few give a way out.

Navy SEAL James Hatch - “I have a graduate degree in cussing.” - “You either bring something to the team or you’re drag, dead weight.” - “Jimmy, I can’t carry your fat ass. You’re going to have to stay with me.” - “War is not a clean transaction between volunteers. It is a very dirty thing.” - “Things I saw were put in a mental backpack to be dealt with later — and after my medical discharge, the zipper broke.” - “Never underestimate your ability to influence the trajectory of another human’s life. Especially in their most vulnerable moments.” - “Just being kind and professional can affect people... especially in their most vulnerable moments.” - “I was no longer an asset — I had no hope to be one again.” - “Apply the criticisms you gave to others on yourself too.” - “There was no prescription for hope - I had to find it. Hope can’t come from drugs. It comes from those you love.” - “You can’t run, Jimmy. You’re doing this for you, for your family, and for the rest of us that are coming down the pipe.” - “They didn’t turn their back on me.” - “Don’t talk about killing in the psych ward — especially when you were a Navy SEAL.” - “What do I do now?” - “Can you believe it! A Navy SEAL, rejected from working at the Apple Store!” - “Everybody has the capacity to be an asset and a liability. Everybody has the capability to make a liability into an asset. Will you?” - “You can’t go for long in life alone.” - “My life was saved because other people were there and wanted to see me do well.” - “The biggest fear in combat was not me getting killed — but it was me fucking up and getting a buddy killed.” - “Leaders need to create a transparent  environment. Mental health is as important as physical fitness.” - “Depression is a very selfish thing. It’s al about how you feel, without consideration for others. A dog entirely depends on you. You have to get off your sad ass to take care of them.” - “We need to change the definition of tough. It’s dumb to bottle it up and hide your thoughts, feelings, traumas. It’s dumber still to drown them in booze, drugs, and escapes. You cannot go through life quietly suffering.” - “I’m gonna do what I can. You gotta keep fighting. It’s constant. You gotta keep fighting.”

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Four Star General’s advice:

-Arrogance is a killer. Not required, and dangerous. Never forget that there is still more to learn.

-Do even the shit-detail jobs well. Do the best you can. Don’t whine. The experience will help later, and people will note your good attitude. Don’t moan and groan and fail to act.

-Be polite, be respectful, don’t be an ass, be helpful, don’t criticize without bringing a solution or asking if they know what they need to do.

-Take the problem, defeat it first, call support if necessary. Be where the action is, as it’s the only place you can truly influence it. You have to be where you see it.

-Learn from mistakes. You screw up. It’s inevitable, make sure though that the error is survivable. Nobody’s perfect.

-Sometimes there won’t be a book to rely upon. You’ll have to take risks.

His four major tenets of leadership:

-A leader must set the example. You’re on stage 24/7. Followers (he specifically mentioned lance corporals) will always be watching. There’s no choice, you will always set an example, but you can set a good or bad example.

-Care about your subordinates. They know whether or not you care quickly, and if they think you care, they’ll go to hell for you and come back with pictures to show you.

-Be a person of your word. If you’re going to be somewhere, you will be there. Figure out what’s unfamiliar and work to understand it – it’s hard to do, but you must.

-You have to know your job, and you can’t BS it; you have to work as hard as possible to know your job. If you don’t, figure out what’s unfamiliar, and work to understand it. If you aren’t getting anywhere yourself, find somebody with experience and get them to help.

In his own words, none of these four tenets stand above the rest, and if you remove one, the house falls down.

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Local factory owner & his HR manager

-Personal soft skills like communicating, looking someone in the eyes, taking notes, etc can help with a lack of experience or certification in an interview. If they know you will pay attention and can learn, they’ll be more inclined to hire you than someone super qualified but known to be a lazy person.

-Know potential problems before it happens (analyse a situation), learn from errors.

-Let others know how to avoid your mistakes.

-Skills developed both by baptism in fire and giving a mentor.

-Make sure everyone is on the same page, both in production and safety.

-Safe environment = safe company.

-Lack of experience? Be ready to accept advice and help.

-People skills can mean the difference between a failure and victory, especially in sales.

-Take responsibility for mistakes.

-Honour – don’t fall to peer pressure. Keep your integrity.

-Endurance & Charisma & Reputation work hand in hand.

-How you act in times of huge stress shows your inner strength.

-You have a choice to positively, negatively, or not to influence an organization.

-Being concerned with more than just a paycheck is the way to success.

-Know who you can rely on as a resource, somebody with more experience in something you don’t.

-Being motivated by glory and money isn’t good, staff respect people who aren’t focused on the money.

-Everybody wants to know they’re cared for and there’s value in their life. Employee retention is at its best when people believe their bosses care about them.

-#1 reason for quitting a job: not feeling valued.

-Be the person who will do anything their followers would.

-Don’t miss the boat – keep the deadline! (after a conversation where they talked about three crates that failed to get on a boat to Bangkok, which cost the company half a million in costs.)

-Be an example, and they’ll work just as hard as you – why should they go to war if you won’t?

-Attitude can make or break a career.

-Know when to back down; what battles to fight and what to let go.

-Confidence in job without arrogance.

-Self or lack of self-respect can be seen in how they treat others.

-Leader must find who they can count on.

-Character trumps experience.

-Conserve where possible.

-Mentalit changes between job types; humans don’t like change.

-A balanced life is a good one, find something out of work. (But a balanced life does not always look the same thing throughout life.)

-Inspiration can come from anywhere.

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Director of support services of a local boarding school (e.g. groundskeeping and maintenance):

-Can’t work as a team? You’re out. Can’t handle finances? You’re out.

-Raise the standard.

-Vacations are very important for maintenance personnel, but hard to take; because in ancient buildings like the boarding school, something very important and very expensive can fail at any moment.

-Give your people what they need to do their jobs.

-Followers need to be teachable, good listeners, and willing to speak up.

-Followers have to be good team members.

-They don’t need experience. I hire on character, integrity, and work ethic, not upon experience. Experience gets people in the door. In fact, I commonly hire people who aren’t qualified on paper, because I can train them. I cannot train character.

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Dean of a local boarding school:

-Mentors! Learn from bad experiences and poor leaders.

-Not a bad idea to go to seminars to learn concepts you have yet to learn.

-Not one person/idea, get advice from others. Don’t live in a vacuum.

-Being positive and flexible and not afraid of challenge is required.

-Working under stress is when you can figure out if somebody’s ‘got it.’

-Coming in to change 125 years of tradition is very hard, you must be a people-person. “Leadership is being a good guide and facilitator to change.”

-Understand and connect to people. Collaborative is useful; try not to do trickle-down leadership.

-Followers need to be open to ideas; remain positive; and ask questions.

-Great ideas come from people who have succeeded in the past.

-Learn from mistakes. Learn from other people’s mistakes.

-Treat everybody with respect.

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Notes from meeting with brigadier general:

-Cares about those he meets with (got up to get us water bottles instantly)

-Hardest thing to do when you’re young is to stand up to something bigger

-Public speaking a very good way to assert yourself as a leader

-In seven years went from a scared Alabaman kid to working in the White House

-Leaders in Air Force gave constant challenges just as he finally felt confident in his job, then doing something new he wasn’t confident in

-Conscious of your own flaws required

-You know how to do this, go do it.

-Do not give up. (run over by cows repeatedly story) You can learn it if you stick with it.

-Leadership: “getting others to do what they don’t believe they can do. I can easily make you go get ice-cream. The reward’s right there. That’s not leadership. Leadership is being able to order people to do something, like lay their lives on the line, for no visible reason, and having them do it.”

-I need to know when I don’t know what I’m doing.

-Help me learn what you need.

-A good staff makes for good leaders.

-Little bitty things is one more small decision towards a good or bad result. Putting on clothes right, getting there five minutes early, etc.

-Try to be your own example. “Do what I say, not what I do” is not good enough.

-Followers must be open to questions; I want debate; loyal; supporting the goals.

-People wanted to see me do well and that’s why I rose to my position.

-You can learn to do anything but if your character’s wrong, I will not work for you and I will not approve your advancement unless you can change your character.

-Lack of character weakens and destroyers more leaders than any other factor.

-Decisive and quick to act -- can be strength and weakness. (General very, very humble)

-Question your own judgement before you react. If somebody fucks up, don’t clamp down on them immediately -- ask yourself, “why did I not do a better job?”

-Look in the mirror before you judge.

-I am still a developing leader. I will never stop learning.

-Lots of people talk without following through. Character is action. Words can’t be meaningful without action following. Especially what someone does in the shadows.

-Character is life-long. People can become competent, that can change relatively easy. Not character.

-Long story regarding having to report his boss, a married two-star general, who was in a non-consensual affair with one of the brigadier’s subordinates, a married major. Due to not getting a written statement from the major the brigadier didn’t have the standing he needed (major lied when put on the stage, probably coerced to do so). Eventually someone else told the Air Force’s Chief of Staff, who investigated and found that this married man was having affairs with seven women in uniform, most of them married as well, and coerced into it due to his high rank. Brigadier telling on him was the catalyst for that two-star’s eventual drumming out of the military, but it came at an economically weak point for his family, and was a very uncertain nine months. “Had I not been willing to put it all on the table I wouldn’t have been able to look at myself in the mirror. Do the right thing, no matter the consequences.”

-Vacations are an investment in future productivity. Keeping down stress is essential, having staff who can tell when I’m tired is essential.

-Timeliness -- be where you’re supposed to be when you’re supposed to be, have your work done. Clarify if you don’t understand an order. It’s O.K. to ask.

 -A good follower will not follow an unlawful or immoral order I may give in a lapse of judgement. They will tell me if I am doing something against their moral codes.

-Life gives lessons based on who you meet. Don’t live in a vacuum. Get out there and see what else others do. Just ask or watch others. 

-Best leaders I know make other leaders. 

-Work on yourself and then share.

-You can fuck up and learn -- but don’t learn to repeat the mistake.

-Leadership ain’t about you. It’s about everybody under you.

-If you think it’s all about you, it’s time to leave. You’re on a high horse, and you’re about to fall over.

-Don’t ever shy away from public speaking.

-You do not have to be successful, just learn from the failures, and try, try again.

-Was I able to communicate what I wanted to say? No? I’ve failed. I’ve wasted your time. I want to know that. Tell me that I did not get my point across.

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Marine/Secret Service/Police/SWAT/ATF Agent’s advice:

-Leader has mission and men. Take care of men and get them to trust you; eat last, make sure they’ve got what they need.

-Leaders inspire people to simply do better, to do more – if they’re good.

-You are responsible. Listen to your people. Watch your examples.

-Do the right thing, for the right reasons, at the right time, all the time.

-There’s always a “why” to somebody’s actions.

-Study the problem. Understand it before you start.

-Lead by example – obey the rules, don’t be late, stay fit.

-Functionally incompetent – but willing to learn, great to work with? Great!

-You can train skills. Not attitude and teamwork.

-Never take yourself too seriously.

-Somebody’s character is not how many times you get knocked down trying to do the right thing; it’s whether you get back up.

-Make the memories good.

-Take ownership. Don’t hide things. Good, bad, or ugly, it’s yours.

-First impression: why does the lion pick the gazelle? (talked about half a dozen undercover jobs in criminal organisations and how he had to fit the part.) It’s not just a firm handshake; look them in the eyes, ask questions (good ones!) and show enthusiasm. Don’t check your phone mid-interview. Stay on task.

-Tell the truth even if it hurts.

-With character comes work ethics. Competence can come later.

-You can work with incompetence if they work with you to get better.

-Choose inexperienced with a great attitude – they’ll learn.

-Diligence. Patience.

-Talk to those with experience and who knows in other ways you don’t.

-Be able to justify all actions. Communicate with others, make sure they know what to do.

-“Inspect. Don’t expect, because if you don’t inspect, you can expect jack shit.”

-You must earn the trust. Be a good communicator. Earn respect and responsibility. Communicate when things are done.

-Fix it on your own if you can.

-Predecessors leave a legacy that shape the people in the world in good or bad ways. It’s up to you whether your legacy is good or bad.

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Local town mayor and his town manager

-Don’t be a lemming, don’t pick up a ten ton weight because someone else did.

-Success depends on your staff.

-Town manager, town attorney and town council vital, no working in a vacuum.

-Got to have thick skin, people won’t be happy with ‘The Town.’

-A need to be transparent, out in front; what’s the government doing? People will not trust a town government that is not open with its town.

-“I work for them!” (Them being the town citizens)

-Career will always be there, but crime will derail your life quick. Stay aboveboard.

-Flat out lying – there’s only one chance in public. Image is essential. Caught lying? You’re doomed.

-Kill people with kindness.

-When you make a mistake, own it. Don’t cover it up.

-Think before you speak.

-Don’t interrupt when you listen. Hear them to the fullest.

-Image is very important.

-I’m getting the impression the mayor doesn’t actually do shit and is just the face of the town council and that the town manager is the guy who actually does everything, and considering the mayor drives an ice-cream van in his spare time I think I’m correct

-“More bees with honey than with sour grapes.”

-Job jumpers and employment gaps are red flags (town manager) “but considering how many jobs millennials now have in their life on average this is probably changing.”

-Notice the patterns. (Somebody might have a problem; lead to a tangent about an employee’s drinking problem)

-If you don’t step away sometimes then work becomes life. You need to get away for a day.

-Common sense is something that will get you a long way.

-Not everybody gets up liking themselves, so treat them like they matter. What goes around comes around.

-Employees must recognize why they’re there, why they’re working for you.

-Following and leading is a two-way street.

-Happy wife? Happy life. (Make sure your subordinates are happy.)

-Do not abuse your position to get rich; you’ll be out in no time.

-Learn from your mistakes! (So you don’t make the big ones.)