#shingeki no kiojin fluff

[merminns]

What they do when you’re stressed

Aot characters x Reader headcanons

❧ Content: pure fluff

❧ Characters:  Armin, Eren, Mikasa, Jean, Sasha, Connie

❧ Notes: this is a repost from my old blog

Armin

He notices immediately!

You barely even show the slightest signs of distress but there’s something about the look in your eyes.

All it takes is one look at you and he'll know something is off.

He won’t ask for the problem straight away.

He’ll start by holding you to this chest and drawing figures on your back with his fingers.

He plays with your hair and whispers sweet nothings in your ear.

Calming you down is his priority for now.

And boy does he have a way with words!!

He always knows the right thing to do or say to make you feel better.

You feel yourself being more at ease in no time at all.

He wouldn't let go of you until you're completely calm.

That’s when he asks about what's bothering you.

He’d definitely try to help you work it out.

If it has to do with studying he'll help out with it.

If it's something he doesn't know much about (which doesn’t happen too often) he'll definitely spend the next few days reading about it.

And the way he smiles when he knows your problem is resolved gives you butterflies!

He’d most likely surprise you with some sort of a treat for all of your hard work, even though it’s all thanks to him.

Is a total sweetheart and always makes sure you're happy.

Eren

It takes Eren some time to notice.

He probably doesn’t notice until something that usually excites you doesn't have much effect on you in your stressed-out state.

But when he notices, he just doesn't leave you alone.

He’s the type of person who’d keep bugging you until you tell him what's wrong.

After you tell him he makes it his duty to make it better, he just can’t leave his baby in a bad mode.

He’d probably leave you for a few minutes just to come back with a bag full of all of your favorite snacks.

Making you smile is his highest priority.

Expect plenty of play fights and tickle wars until you're laughing uncontrollably.

His method is to distract you from the cause of stress.

You'd spend the rest of the night eating snacks and having pillow fights, your stress long forgotten.

He's just a playful bastard and hates to see his baby upset.

Mikasa

Much like Armin, she notices at the very first signs of stress you show.

You could just be biting at your lips or fiddling with the hem of your shirt and she knows something is off.

She wouldn't even need to ask what's wrong.

You have this kind of silent connection and she understands something is stressing you, so all she cares about is making you feel better.

She'll give lots of cuddles.

She’d probably put on your comfort movie and you'll spend the rest of the night just cuddling and watching the movie together.

She doesn’t talk to you about it at the time but makes a mental note to help you with the cause of stress later.

Right now it's time to give you love and comfort

She’d pull you closer to her and run her hand through your hair, nuzzling her face to your neck.

She’d leave occasional kisses to the top of your head throughout the movie.

If you fall asleep, she'll pull a blanket over the two of you and take a nap with you, her body bound to yours.

She's just a soft baby and will make sure she gives you all the love you deserve.

Jean

He isn't as slow as Eren when it comes to noticing your stress but still doesn't notice immediately.

Once he does he's immediately asking you what's wrong.

No matter what your answer is, he'll always be there for you.

Even if you refuse to tell him what’s bothering you at all, he’ll still try to help as much as he could.

His first idea to help would probably be running a relaxing bath with candles.

He'd even put on some relaxing music to ease your nerves.

He’d most definitely join you, unless you ask him not to.

He’d be rubbing your back and washing your hair and landing soft kisses all over your shoulders.

He just won't let go of you until he’s sure you’re completely relaxed.

He’d probably carry you out of the bath and help dry you up and get you dressed.

He will get you anything you ask for, no matter what!

You're going to be absolutely spoiled for the rest of the day.

After you’re completely relaxed he’ll do his best to help with your cause of stress.

If he doesn't know what to do, he'll probably go to Armin for advice.

He's overall the most romantic and supportive boyfriend ever!

Sasha

It takes Sasha a long time to notice.

The give away would most probably be how often you sigh.

She’d immediately pull you in a bone-crushing hug and ask what’s bothering you with a pout.

Her number one solution? You guessed it! Food.

She’ll get you so much food that it’s overwhelming.

She won’t leave you alone until she’s sure you’re completely stuffed with food and hydrated.

But there’s no guarantee that she won’t steel some of the food to eat it herself.

But that pulls a few small smiles from you so it’s fine.

She’d return your smiles with a huge goofy grin.

After you’re done eating she’d blast some music.

She’ll eventually start dancing around and pulling some funny dance moves to make you laugh.

She won’t stop until your sides hurt from all the laughing.

She’d even pull you to dance with her until you both can’t stop laughing.  

Overall just so much love and playful energy until you’re feeling better.

Connie

I’m sorry but this boy is completely blind to it.

Your nerves would be all over the place and he wouldn’t see it.

It’s not that he doesn’t care, he really does, it’s just that he’s completely oblivious.

By the time he does notice, you’d be very close to a total breakdown.

He’d feel guilty for not noticing earlier but it’s alright cause he’ll totally make up for it.

He’d immediately start telling plenty of silly jokes until he gets you to at least smile.

And that’s just the beginning, he won’t stop until you’re cracking up!

Lowkey flirts with you as if you haven’t been dating for a while now.

And he’s not even trying to be smooth, just entirely goofy.

He’d even playfully tackle you to the floor and start to lightly hit you with a pillow and call it flirting.

Don’t even try to tell him otherwise, you literally fell for him! XD

Just goofs around until whatever was stressing you is long forgotten.

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[merminns]

What they do when you have low self-esteem

Aot characters x Reader headcanons

❧ Content/Warnings: fluff, nsfw/suggestive content (minors dni)

❧ Characters: Eren, Armin, Jean

❧ Notes: this is a repost from my old blog

Eren

When Eren knows you’re feeling insecure he becomes mad!

but not at you, he’s mad at himself, furious even!

‘cause how could he fail so miserably at showing you how beautiful you are?!

you’re the prettiest person he knows, how could you not see that?!

I mean. you’re dating the hottest person in the world, what would you be other than perfect.

but Eren’s not the best with words so he decides to show you how beautiful you are instead.

You better be ready for the long long night ahead of you ;)

✨Mirror sex✨ at its finest.

he’ll run his hands all over you while he makes you watch how beautiful you look in his arms.

he’ll make you say that you’re perfect over and over until it becomes a mantra while he washes you in wave after wave of pure pleasure.

by the end of the night you won’t be able to think about anything other than how much you love that freak and how good you feel about about yourself.

you think it’s over? think again! he won’t stop until he’s sure you’ll never question your own perfection again!

aftercare is on a whole new level.

he’ll drown you in all the love and tenderness of the world.

the only thing you’ll know how to feel is love and a new found confidence.

weeks later and memories of that night would fill your head whenever your low self-esteem tries to get the best of you.

you wouldn’t need to mention any self-esteem issues or insecurities to him for a looong time.

unless... you want to relive that night again~

10/10 would recommend trying to relive it all though ;))

Armin

You show any signs of insecurity and he’s shocked

Armin never thought of you as anything but gorgeous!

and it’s not just looks, just everything about you blows his mind away

to be honest, your looks weren’t even what attracted Armin to you at the beginning.

it didn’t matter to him whether your eyes held the wonder of the deepest oceans, the shine of the first rays of the sun in the morning, the elegance of the finest emerald stone, the mysteries of the stormy skies or even the warmth and firmness mother earth is known by.

all he cares about is what he sees when he looks through these eyes.

he fell in love with everything that makes you laugh and what brings a shiny sheet of tears to your eyes.

he fell in love with the wonder, the joy, the thoughtfulness and all the other emotions you show through them.

he fell in love with your mind and soul before he ever thought about your body

but my god is it a sight for sore eyes!

he’ll never get over the way your body seems to fit perfectly with his

and he doesn’t hesitate to voice all of these thoughts to you

he’d do it everyday if he has to until you truly believe it all

aaand he’s not against showing you how beautiful you are to him as well ;)

Jean

When Jean first learns about your low self-esteem he’s genuinely confused.

how could you not see how perfect you are?

when it comes to proving it to you, that guy really knows what he’s doing

he uses that perfect combination of words and actions until your knees are weak

he’ll lightly run his long fingers over every stretch mark, every scar, every blemish, every tiny imperfection and let his lips follow the path his fingers drew all over your body in light, tender kisses

he’ll pause after every single kiss to tell you how perfect you are for him

he will not leave a single part of your body unloved

you’ll be littered with kisses and feather light touches starting from the lids of your captivating eyes to the smooth skin of your calves

praise praise praise!! so much praise that you slowly melt in his arms and light tears are drawn to your lash line

he’ll leave you believing your some sort of deity

he’ll spend the upcoming weeks learning about what makes you feel the most beautiful

you feel prettiest in a specific outfit? he’s out shopping for more outfits of similar style

a certain hairstyle gives you confidence? he’ll spend hours, days, even weeks until he learns how it’s done so he can style your hair for you every morning

you’ll always feel like the hottest person alive with him

and you know what? that confidence you have around him makes you even hotter in his eyes

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[merminns]

The pain that comes with love

Armin Arlert x Reader

❧ Content/Warnings: fluff, angst, very very slight smut at the beginning 

❧ Word count: 2.3k

❧ Notes: this is a repost from my old blog

It started out sweet; how he kissed you while his hands rested gently on your hips. The kiss channeled every word his lips failed to say. You felt so much love in the way he held you, the way his lips moved delicately against yours.

The pure emotions in the kiss had you melting in his arms, yet to him, it wasn't enough. His heart held so much adoration for you that it was impossible to express.

Slowly but surely the small kiss turned into a make-out session. Both of your breath growing shallower as you tried to take in as much as you could from each other. It felt as if his very soul was trying to become one with yours.

His grip on your hips tightened as his hips started to grind into yours emitting sweet moans from your lips that he was happy to swallow. He let out groans of his own when you returned the action, the friction between your bodies increasing. You had to pull away for oxygen after what felt like forever, your bodies stilling. Your forehead rested on his, eyes closed as you both regained your senses.

You didn't know what to make of the situation, it was obvious how you both felt for each other. It was blindingly obvious what you both wanted, yet was it right? To be here, sharing this moment with your friend's ex. How would she feel about it? Would she think you're the reason he broke up with her? Would this mark the end of your friendship with her?

One of Armin's hands moved from your hip to your cheek causing your eyes to open. He lifted your face gently urging your troubled eyes to meet his.

"What is it? Was that too much?"

His question surprised you, your eyes meeting his to see them full of concern. It made your heart clench; he stopped moving his hips the second you did. He didn't stop to calm himself like you did. He stopped because he thought you wanted to.

He wasn't going to push you to anything, he wasn't going to make you uncomfortable, not even after the raw emotions you just shared through the kiss.

You had been waiting for any reason to pull back, to get out of his arms and leave, forgetting this ever happened, for the sake of your friend.

The sincere concern he's showing, the way his body remained pressed against yours uncertainly, not knowing whether he should let go of you or pull you further into him, the way he poured his very being into that kiss, the kiss you were sure you'd never forget whether you decided to stay or leave. All of these were reasons that pulled you into him more, combining with the feelings you already hold for him.

It was too much. But not for the reasons he thought. It was too much because you loved that boy with every fiber of your being but there was a pang of undeniable guilt filling your heart whenever you thought of your friend.

You tried to keep your mixed emotions in check as you cast your eyes to the side, your friend's name leaving your lips in a whisper low enough for you to pretend you never said it, yet clear enough he was sure of what he heard.

It didn't take long for the realization to hit him, he suddenly understood what was troubling you, with your presence in his arms, he forgot about anything else he ever knew, but your whisper had been a slap grounding him back into the reality of your situation.

He took a tiny step back both hands now on each of your cheeks, turning your face towards his for your eyes to meet his again.

"I've been in love with you for a very long time," He said slowly making sure you understood every word he said, "long before I started dating her."

The confusion was clear on your face, if he loved you before dating your friend, then why was he dating her? Why didn't he say anything?

You were about to voice your questions but he beat you to it.

"I wanted to tell you, it drove me crazy every time I saw you walking through the hallways, but I never had enough courage," He paused, gauging your reaction to his words. Your eyes portrayed nothing but pure confusion. ‘Then why were you dating her?’ the only thought running through your mind.  

"I knew you deserve someone so much better than me. I thought you'd never return my feelings. So, I decided I had to move on. That's when I met her and one thing led to the other." He paused for a breath, eyes still fixated on your widened ones.

"I didn't know you were friends at the time… I tried to ignore your presence whenever you were with her. I really tried to forget the feelings I had for you. " his eyes held nothing but the truth, thumbs caressing across your cheeks gently.

"I tried my best, but I couldn't lie to her anymore… I couldn't lie to myself anymore." He was panting as if the words were enough to draw his breath short and drain him off the energy.

His eyes never left yours. You felt the hands on your face tense slightly when he saw how your eyes started to water. Tears started to form in your eyes slowly as you tried to process his words. It dawned on you that you were, in fact, the reason Armin broke up with your friend. Not only that, but you were also the reason he got together with her in the first place.

He was dating your friend in an attempt to forget you, but he ended up leaving her struggling to forget him, yet you still stood here allowing his arms to hold you and his lips to move against yours.

It is true that you only developed these feelings for Armin when you got to spend time with him after he started dating your friend, but you never had any intention to act on them.

This was wrong. None of this should have happened. You shouldn't be here. You shouldn't have let him kiss you and most importantly you shouldn't have kissed him back, assuring him that his intense feelings were reciprocated.

Now neither of you would be able to pull back completely. Tears streamed down your face as you sat in the nearest chair, Armin kneeling in front of you. He kept drying away every tear that left your eyes, whispering sweet words to you trying to calm you down.

Maybe, you were slightly overreacting, but you couldn't help but get overwhelmed with the jumble of emotions you held in your heart, it was all too much for you.

Armin didn't dare speak again until you calmed down completely.

"She knows." Were the first words he spoke, and if you hadn't calmed down, the sheer shock they brought you would have been enough for you to forget how to cry at all.

"You told her?" The question left you in a whisper that earned a tiny nod from him.

"The night we broke up, I told her everything, " His eyes never lost the gentle look in them, his heart was breaking to see you like this, because of him, because of an awful situation that he unknowingly created.

He wanted to steal that pained expression away from your face, the one that appeared as you finally understood the odd behavior that your friend had towards you.

She had been pushing you away ever since the breakup, but then again she was pushing everyone away, right? You thought it was simply because she wanted to be alone after what happened. Could it be she only wanted to be away from you?

The thumb that moved gently across your cheek brought you back to reality. Your eyes focused on Armin's sky blue ones as he spoke again, voice as gentle as could be.

"I will never, ever pressure you into anything. I love you more than you can begin to imagine, but if you decide you don't want this… " His words disappeared as his voice broke slightly, tears forming in his own eyes. This was all it took for you to notice the slight shake of his hands. He wasn't as composed as he tried to be and it was showing.

He took a deep breath and started again.

"If you decide that you don't want me, then you can leave and we can forget that anything happened…"

You couldn't even remember what brought you here in the first place, what led to the kiss that tore you into a million pieces, leaving your soul bare in his arms.

You wanted to leave, to run from here straight up to your friend and cry on her shoulder, tell her that you love her, that you never meant to cause her that much pain.

You also wanted to stay, to throw yourself in Armin's arms and tell him you love him too. That you never want to leave him. Not for a second.

Your hand trembled as you moved them over the hand Armin was holding on your cheek.

"I love you too, Armin" Your hand caressed his slowly as your voice broke, tears running down your face again "but I don't know what to do."

"You should forget about me."

Saying these words shocked you would only explain a fraction of how they made you feel. What was even more shocking, was they weren't Armin's words.

You and Armin turned to the owner of the voice standing in the doorway. The door was only slightly open, the hallway dark outside the room, but you were both sure who the owner of the voice was.

"You two should forget about me," Your friend started again, a small smile adorning her face.

She didn't believe she was saying this, she too loved Armin, but when she looked at the two of you, tears running down your faces decorated with all of the pain and uncertainty you were feeling she knew, no love she has would ever compare to the pure feelings you both felt for one another. And she was the only thing standing in between.

"It hurts you know, to know that the person you love has feelings for someone else, " She took a deep breath, the sad smile never leaving her face "but it also hurts me to see you both like this."

She pushed the door open and walked in slowly holding a small bag in her arms.

"Sorry for creeping up on you like that, I only came here to return your stuff, " She said to Armin as she held the bag up.

After a few seconds of stunned silence she took a few steps into the room placing the bag on the ground before turning back to you, her eyes meeting with yours.

"You are the greatest friend I could have ever asked for… I'm hurt, but I'll never think of you any less because of this." The pain in her eyes was evident but it so was sincerity in her voice "We already broke up a while back… you can do whatever you want to do without thinking about me. "

And just like that, just as quickly as your friend had appeared inside the room, she turned around, leaving the both of you stunned, staring at where she was just standing.

After the shock of what happened wore off, your eyes found Armin's again. It was obvious your friend choose to sacrifice her happiness for yours. But something was off.

Her appearance so suddenly was weird and Armin seemed to think the same. You could have sworn the door of the room was not open when you first came here.

Armin stood from where he was kneeling, walking over to the bag your friend left in the middle of the room. After opening the bag and staring inside it for a few moments he turned back to you.

"It's empty… " Armin paused for a few seconds processing his thoughts "I didn't forget any of my belongings with her. She followed you here."

An almost inaudible gasp left you at the revelation. Your friend knew you were coming to Armin's room. She heard everything and decided to interfere to make sure that you don't let yourself lose your chance with Armin because of her.

Armin moved to sit on his bed, waiting for you to process everything. His eyes told you that you still can make the decision you wanted to. You could leave and both of you would forget any of this happened, or you could choose to stay.

After a few moments of silence, you moved out of your chair, Armin eyeing your every move in silence. You sat beside him on the bed, your arms wrapping shyly around the back of his neck.

The move your friend just made was making you feel guilty. This was a sacrifice on her side. But you felt like you could make your decision now without worrying about losing her.

It was true she was hurt, but she didn't blame you for it. And she certainly didn't hate you. It was true this was selfish of you, but you knew you'd never be able to live without Armin, without having your heart break a million times over.

She has guided you to which decision you should make.

As you pulled Armin towards you slowly, his hands moved over your arms settling on your cheeks.

The kiss you shared this time was shy, but it held a promise. A promise for a tomorrow where you would share plenty of kisses, each of them expressing an everlasting love.

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[merminns]

Peaceful dreams

Levi Ackerman x Reader (The pain in your eyes Pt.2)

❧ Content/Warnings: angst, slight fluff, mentions of death

❧ Word count: 1.7k

❧ Notes: this is a repost from my old blog

❧ Part 1

It’s been months since your brothers’ death and things have changed. You thought that after their death you’d have no more reason to fight, but it appears they left you a reason before they were gone.

Most of the survey corps members did their best to get closer to you in an attempt to help you get over the incident and everyone was surprised to see that you didn’t reject their advances, not right away anyways.

Whenever you thought of completely pushing everyone away, a voice within you tells you that it won’t be fair to your brothers, they loved these people, you should give them a chance.

So you started spending time with your comrades, you started helping Hanji with their experiments whenever you could, and you joined them and the rest of the squad leaders during meals, and even though you don’t speak much, people started enjoying your presence as much as they enjoyed your brothers’.

You also came across Levi’s squad; they’re a lively bunch, and despite the ache in your heart you still found yourself smiling and chuckling at them whenever Sasha and Connie are up to something idiotic or when Eren and Jean start bickering.

You couldn’t help but grow a soft spot for them, and the feeling was mutual. It seemed they were close to your brothers, but they thought you were hard to approach before they started talking to you.

Your train of thought was cut when you heard Erwin calling your name. “Can we talk?” his attitude was very professional, you knew this meant business.

You abandoned your spot by Mikasa and Armin, leaving them to watch the rest of the new episode between Eren and Jean as you followed after Erwin.

“You have progressed greatly the last few months,” Erwin said as he sat down on a table away from the rest of the survey crops to give you some privacy.

You only replied with a small nod, how could you not progress? Every time you thought about giving up on training, your duties or anything in general, you remember your brothers. They wouldn’t want you to give up. Whenever you think that it’s too much, you will yourself to think about the books and teddy bears waiting for you in your room, and all of the new books and other stuff that still appear at the door of your room every morning.

The mere thought of the comfort they bring you every night makes you train harder and take on more work. They make you want to improve as much as you could.

“It appears that your progress landed you a spot in the special operation squad,” Erwin said slowly waiting for you to give any outward reaction to his words “Captain Levi requested for you to become a member of his squad.”

If you were being honest, this piece of news shocked you. You were doing your best and working the hardest you could but you never thought you’d make it into Levi’s squad. You were part of the scouts before he lost his old squad, in fact, you were part of the scouts even before his new squad made it into the scouts. Does that mean that your effort was paying off? Did you really make that much progress?

“I… I’d be honored to be part of the squad.”

“Are you sure?”

You were taken aback by Erwin’s question. What does he mean if you were sure? Your confusion was visible on your face. Erwin’s eyes softened slightly and it seemed like the professional air was no longer present as he thought of how best to explain what he meant.

“Look, I can tell that you’re still haven’t gotten over that incident,” Erwin started slowly trying not to hurt you unintentionally “I’m glad of the progress you’re making, but Levi’s squad takes most of the hard work. Are you sure you can take that?”

To say you were touched by Erwin’s concern would be an understatement. It always amazed you how others seemed to care about you and your wellbeing even though the only thing you did before was push them away. It seems like you always had friends around the survey corps, you just never allowed yourself to acknowledge them.

“I’ll be okay, Erwin, thank you.”

That simple reply wasn’t enough to express your gratitude for his concern but it seemed enough for him.

“Then please inform Captain Levi that his request is approved,” he said with a smile as he stood up to leave, patting your shoulder and congratulating you for making it into your new squad as he left.

You went to look for Levi to let him know. You passed by the spot where his squad was, it seems Eren and Jean were done with their argument as Eren, Armin and Mikasa were nowhere to be seen. And Neither was Levi. You looked for him everywhere and after asking the members of his squad who were still present in the Mess Hall, you got a quick reply from Jean telling you he last saw the captain walking outside with a drink.

You spotted Levi sitting in a spot near the stairs, leaning his back against the wall listening silently to Eren, Armin and Mikasa’s conversation as they sat on the stairs not noticing their Captains presence.

You left to grab something from your room and came back. Levi was still sitting on the ground leaning against the wall, his head thrown back and his eyes closed, still listening to the trio’s conversation.

Levi opened his eyes quickly when he felt a light weight against his body. He looked up to see you standing in front of him, then his eyes shifted down to the blanket that you draped over him.

“It’s getting cold” you explained quietly as you sat down beside him.

His tense body relaxed again after he realized that there was no danger. You sat beside him in silence for a few minutes. It was a silence that you both welcomed, it wasn’t uncomfortable, just relaxing. Levi knew that you didn’t just approach him to give him the blanket, but he waited patiently, enjoying the silence. It was only after the trio had left to bed that you broke the silence.

“Does it still hurt?” were your first words to him.

You could tell he didn’t understand what you meant by your question so you continued, “Does it still hurt you now? when you think about Isabel and Furlan, I mean.”

“How?…” Levi’s eyes widened slightly, he had no idea how you would have known about his friends.

You gave a small chuckle “You thought I was asleep didn’t you,” you turned to him and his stunned look was enough to confirm your suspicion, he did believe that you were asleep during his visits.

“I don’t know if you realize this Captain, but if it weren’t for your visits, I don’t think I would have ever been able to get out of the state I was in.”

Levi was speechless, he was sure you were asleep when he visited, he didn’t intend for you to hear anything about his past and know you know everything about him. He didn’t even know why he said anything to your motionless form when he visited. He willed himself to be angry at you for not letting him know then that you were awake, but he couldn’t. For a reason completely unknown to him, he thought it was ok for you to know, he trusted you with his past.

After a couple of minutes of silence that passed, Levi finally opened his mouth to speak.

“It will always hurt,” he started staring straight ahead, knowing the intention behind your question was to know whether the pain that you still held in your heart after your brothers’ death would ever go away. “But it helps to remember. The pain is what drives you forward. The memories keep you sane, they keep you on your feet.”

You didn’t really expect him to answer your question at all, but this was the answer you needed. Your pain would never go away, but the memories will keep you sane, they will keep you standing tall, they will push you forward and allow you to fight.

The memories, and the people that you still have now, the friends that you never acknowledge before. They are enough reason for you to fight. They are enough for you to smile. And so as you stood up you smiled. The very first genuine smile ever since your brothers’ death.

“Thank you.” You whispered, the smile still on your face, your eyes slightly watery.

You were about to leave when you remembered why you came in the first place. You turned back to Levi, him looking up at you expectantly.

“The Commander asked me to inform you that your request to have me in your squad is approved.” your statement only got a nod from him and you turned to leave but stopped and turned around again.

“And Captain,” you started “Thank you for the books and bears, too”

“Levi” He corrected.

“What?”

“You can call me Levi, at least in private.”

This drew another smile on your face “Levi, do you think we could read one of those books together sometime?”

Levi’s only reply to that was a maybe, but a maybe was good enough. You turned around for the last time walking to your room. Levi watched your retreating figure as he pulled your blanket tighter around himself, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly.

That night you slept better than you usually did. There was a pain in your heart that you’ll never be able to explain, but there was also hope, happiness and love. No matter how little of them was present, they were still there, and that was enough.

You finally understood why you choose to move back into your room that day, why you decided to fight again. You finally understood that your memories with your brothers didn’t just give you pain, they also pushed you forward.

That night your sleep was filled with memories of your brothers and scenes of your friends, but they didn’t come as nightmares. They were nothing but happy, peaceful dreams.

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[merminns]

A life of gambles

Erwin Smith x Reader

❧ Content/Warnings: angst, slight fluff, implied forbidden love,  mentions of death, execution and a tiny bit of blood, a tiny bit of manipulation (nothing too detailed)

❧ Word count: 2k

❧ Notes: this is a repost from my old blog

Erwin Smith is a devil. The commander of the scouts, the man who lost his humanity somewhere along the line. If you’re looking for someone who can send hundreds of soldiers to their death willingly just to achieve his goals, then Erwin Smith is the one you’re looking for.

He is a criminal, he keeps on breaking the law over and over to the point where he and all of his scouts have to be arrested and executed immediately, eradicated like unwanted rodents.

These are facts that you’ll be told by almost everyone you ask, whether citizens, military police or nobles.

Your family falls under the third category, nobles, the people who know best about everything that runs within the walls. Everything the nobles say is automatically believed without question, Erwin Smith is a danger to the lives of all humans within the walls.

But is he really dangerous to humans inside the walls, or is he only a danger to the nobles?

A few years back, you never would have asked that question, you would have believed everything your family and the rest of the nobles claimed just like the rest of the blinded citizens.

All it took for your vision to change was meeting Erwin Smith in person. Not Erwin Smith the commander. You met Erwin Smith the human. The Erwin Smith who carries the weight of every death that took place when his plans were carried out, the one who carries the weight of a painful past that fills his heart with regret… and hope.

You understood Erwin Smith the human, you saw his pain, his hope, his dreams… you saw everything that made him Erwin Smith, the commander, the leader, the devil, the heartless man that everyone else saw… and you fell in love with him.

The same way he fell in love with you, the real you, not the one that your noble status forces you to show in public.

That’s why you are here now, a cold look hardening your face as you took sure steps down to the dungeons, claiming that you were sent by your father to question Erwin Smith, the criminal who will be executed publicly soon.  

This wasn’t strange behavior, you have been sent to question various criminals before. Your father just had to fill your heart with hatred towards a specific prisoner and send you off to them.

You have always been intelligent, both mentally and emotionally, and once you were left with a prisoner you knew how to deal your cards just right to have them give you every piece of information you needed. But your smarts didn’t come close to your father’s manipulation of your mind.

Maybe it was because part of you always trusted your father, always refused to believe he’d try to lie to you. But you know better, now. You have always been the secret weapon of the aristocrats and the military police, but after learning the truth, you are no longer a weapon, unless it’s for the sake of your love.

The echo of your footsteps is silenced as you reach his cell, motioning for the guard to let you in and leave.

“Are you sure you can be left alone with him?” The hesitant question of the guard was only answered by a curt nod from you.

‘If you only knew’ would have been a truthful reply, but truthfulness isn’t something you can use now, not with anyone who can be considered an enemy to Erwin, an enemy to you.

The guard obliged without question, unlocking the cell and letting you take slow steps inside before locking in again and walking away.

Erwin didn’t make a single move, he remained seated on the ground, his eyes rooted to the same spot by your feet. He didn’t move a muscle, not when the guard’s footsteps were silenced, not when you moved closer to him kneeling to the ground to be level with his seated form.

Not until your soft hands reached out to his rough cheeks did his eyes move from the filthy ground to meet your gentle eyes, the cold expression on your face now replaced with a pained look.  

The sight in front of you was enough to break your heart to millions of pieces. It was the first time you managed to see Erwin after he lost his right arm. His face was all messed up after the beating he got from the military police; one of his eyes black and swollen, his lower lip busted, blood, sweat and dirt covered his face.

Your gentle eyes filled with silent tears made Erwin wish his single hand was free from the shackles so he could wipe away your tears before they reached your cheeks.

It has always been this way, the commander of the scouts and the respectable daughter of nobles. His hands have always been tied when it came to you, and your heart always broke for him.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Erwin spoke in a voice too gentle, too strong to belong to the broken sight in front of you “It’s risky.”

Your heart couldn’t break any more, but it did. This isn’t the state he should be in. This man, the one man who knew pain and terror more than the toughest of the soldiers guarding his cell. He shouldn’t be here, held captive by the cowards who only ever thought of themselves.

“I don’t care” Your voice came out in a weak whisper as if you were the one tied down and beat up.

The first of tears run down your cheeks. You have to get him out of this, you have to help him, he never deserved any of this.

You started talking again, your voice breaking a little more with every word “Erwin, I can get you out of here, I can help you escape, we can—”

“I’m not going to escape.”

The silence that followed his curt reply was one out of shock. how did he not want to escape? Didn’t he face enough already? Didn’t he want some peace at last?

It’s true that if he escapes with you now he will spend the rest of his life running away from the interior military police, but you’ll be together, you’ll make it work.

“If I run away now it’ll all be in vain, the lives we lost. The soldiers of the survey corps, my soldiers, will all be executed,” he paused studying your eyes silently before speaking up again “I have a plan.”

“A sure plan or another gamble of yours?”

Your question was only met with a weak smile confirming your fears. He isn’t sure of the outcome, for all he knows these could be his final moments with you.

“Erwin… I can’t lose you,” your hands moved over his bloodied cheeks caressing them lightly “I don’t care about anything or anyone else, but I can’t lose you.”

Erwin was a man who faced too much, he thought nothing could affect him after all he’d been through. Your words, your tears, your hands caressing his cheeks, and the look on your face all proved him wrong. He was affected by you, always have been.

His heart broke for you as if you were the one a few steps away from death’s doors. He wanted to hold you in his arms more than anything. He wanted to tell you that it'll all be alright, to wipe away the tears wetting your beautiful face.

Your love was one of the rare things that weakened Erwin, but it also was what gave him strength the most. He didn’t know if his gamble will pay off, but he knew that if it didn’t, if he was to die soon he would go knowing that at least you didn’t see him the same way everyone else did. You saw him as a person deserving of love, not as a devil.

Even if Erwin didn’t live long enough to achieve the dream he lived for, he at least lived long enough to spend a few moments with you, to see your love.

With this thought and the new courage that filled Erwin’s heart, he opened his mouth again, this time to whisper his plans to you. He informed you of his gamble, entrusting you with his secret, warning you of how their success would mean the end for the fake king and most of the aristocrats associated with him. Including your family.

To say you were shocked would be an understatement. For you, his gamble meant that you would have to lose something either way; your family, or him. Helping him escape was still an option. But would you be the devil this time? If you preferred to have him escape knowing that this meant the end to every soldier in the survey corps?

You were stuck in a tough position, you could save both Erwin and your family knowing that the blood of the scouts will be spilt, or you could choose to accept the loss of either your family or your love.

You stood among the gathering crowds, a hood covering your head. Erwin won his gamble, the fake king is exposed along with the nobles associated with him. The scouts’ name is cleared and things are set on the right path again. Erwin won, but so did you.

Maybe it was Erwin’s influence on you, but as the guard returned to let you out of the cell and you walked away in silence, the old cold look back on your face, you started to formulate a plan to make your own gamble.

Your gamble was dangerous, it endangered your life as well as Erwin’s. You had to find a way to save both Erwin and your family without being responsible for the end of the survey corps. Your only solution was to convince your family to lay low and leave the king and his order handle everything on their own.

You had to forget about your wealth, your land, your home, and maybe even your name. You were ready to lose all of that, the trick was convincing the rest of your family to do the same.

It was a near-impossible mission, It was a war between your mental and emotional intelligence and the manipulating talents of your father. It took a lot of effort but you had learned how gambles are made from Erwin Smith, the biggest gambler you knew.

If you failed to convince your family to at least lay low for the time being, you would have to lose something.

There was always the possibility that your father would be able to read along the lines and understand what the scouts planned, and in that case, the decision to execute Erwin would have been taken immediately, even without the unrealistic hearing they gave him. You would have been the reason everyone is wrongfully executed, and you would have been executed with them for your ‘treason’.

But you made it, you managed to outsmart your father, to trick him into believing that laying low and detaching from the king and the order is the best decision to make.

And now here you stood among the crowds, looking up at Erwin as his eyes moved over the crowd, hoping to find yours.

You made your father accept the new rule of the military, of course, he started to understand your connection to the survey corps. But now the military is the new king, even if just temporarily. Now your social status won’t stop you from being with the scouts’ commander.

You can finally live as yourself, no longer a weapon of the interior military police, only the daughter of one of the aristocratic families that knew that it’s better to go with the flow.

As these thoughts filled your head, you felt a weight being lifted off your shoulders. You finally reached up to remove the hood covering your head, a smile adorning your face as Erwin’s eyes finally settled on yours.

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