#shit like this is exactly why people choose not to go forward w an official diagnosis

[breakyeol]

— SQUIRM, BABY.

You don’t like Doh Kyungsoo. Especially not when he’s got his fingers buried knuckle deep inside of you and your seeing stars —goddamn stars!— but can’t make a sound unless you want the entire library to know exactly what he’s doing to you under the table.

┗ Pairing: Tutor!Kyungsoo x Reader

Genre: college au, tutor au, enemies w benefits au, smut

Words: 4.7k 

Rating: 18+

Warnings: strong language, sexual acts in a public setting, fingering

A/N; tomorrow is going to be my 1 year anniversary as an EXO-L!! oh my goodness that feels so crazy, time really flies. so here is a little present from me to you, enjoy lovelies!!

“These are all wrong,” Kyungsoo mutters blankly, “start over.”

A loud groan is ripped from your throat, the sound earning you more than a few sideways glares from the surrounding tables but you can’t really bring yourself to care. You’ve been here for two hours, studying one of the most intolerable subjects in the world: Calculus. The mere mention of its name made you shiver in disgust.

To be blunt, you’d always been shit at math. Numbers and equations were never your strong suit, not in high school and definitely not now with the added complexities of derivatives and differential equations (neither of which made even the slightest bit of sense to you). You much preferred the gentleness of literature and history to the strict logic and rules of mathematics and science. Unfortunately for you, the latter subjects were just as vital a part of your education, and opting out of them was not an option.

“Can’t we take a break?” You almost whine the question, pressing your fingers into your throbbing temples. “My brain feels like it’s going to explode.”

“No.”

You scowl at the bluntness of his rejection. “I’m paying you.” You point out, stabbing a finger into his bicep for emphasis. “Shouldn’t I have a say in when we take a break?”

He rolls his eyes, swatting your hand away and shoving the paper back in your direction. “I’m giving you your money’s worth. Do it again.”

You let out a noisy huff of air, slouching over dramatically in the stiff plastic chair until your chin is pressed against the cold table. “I hope you know I am deeply regretting some of my life decisions right about now.” You grumble, shooting him an icy glare that you hope conveys the absolute loathing you feel for both him and the set of problems laid before you.

“I thought that was a daily thing for you.”

Scoffing, you bury your mouth in the thick sleeve of your hoodie. “Your face is a daily thing for me.”

He doesn’t even bother to look at you, though you could almost feel the intensity of his deadpan. “I think that was the shittiest comeback I’ve ever heard.”

“Your face is the shittiest comeback I’ve ever heard.”

“You do realize that that makes absolutely no sense.”

“Your fa—”

“Shut up and do your work.”

He either doesn’t hear or consciously chooses to ignore the colorful array of curses you grumble spitefully in his direction, though simultaneously resigning yourself to the fact that you won’t be able to put off your work inevitably. Kyungsoo was a stickler for proper time management. If he had an agenda set in place for your tutoring session (which he always did), then you better believe he’d be checking off each item within its designated time frame. And if you don’t cooperate— well then, your best bet is to pray that there isn’t a mechanical pencil within his reach.

He might not always be able to reach the top shelf, but Kyungsoo had ways of getting what he wanted. Usually, that chilling glare was enough to get those around him to bend to his will. He could be a scary little shit when he wanted to be. You’ll admit, even you had been the tiniest bit intimidated when you first met him. He was quiet, reserved, strict in manner, but also the dangerous unpredictable type, you gathered that much quickly enough. Maybe that’s why the two of you didn’t get on too well.

Where he was cool and standoffish, “a man of few words” some might say, you were more vocal about your opinions, social by nature, always eager to meet new people and make new connections. You had a tendency to speak loudly when excited and talk with your hands when passionate about a subject. That was something most people learned about you very quickly. Unfortunately, upon your first official meeting at a party in your freshman year with your mutual friends, Kyungsoo had no idea just how emphatic you could be until you’d knocked his drink clean out of his hand and spilled it down the front of his brand new shirt.

It was an accident, of course. You’d apologized profusely and he’d accepted it (albeit somewhat begrudgingly), but that was probably the first of many missteps in your... unique relationship.

With such conflicting personalities, it was understandable that you got into frequent arguments about one thing or another. Petty disagreements would often grow into something larger than they really needed to be. Mostly because despite having such contrasting personalities, you shared the trait of innate stubbornness, neither of you willing to admit when you were wrong. It was easy to argue with him, and you liked when you proved him wrong. You liked the way his brows furrowed and his cheeks flushed. You liked the way he glared, the way his lips pouted. You like the challenge he presented you with every time he opened his mouth. Above, you loved to win. Especially when it was against him.

So you pushed, and he pushed right back. And before you knew it, you found yourself a proper ‘frenemy’, though you aren’t sure that that’s quite the right word to describe whatever it was you two were.

But that’s just how the two of you are, how you’d always been. If you were being honest, riling him, seeing that usually so stoic, so controlled expression crack when you pushed just the right buttons— it was fun. You thoroughly enjoyed fucking with him, discovering new and creative ways to get under his skin. And you knew he got just as much satisfaction from doing the same to you, rendering you speechless with witty comebacks, flustering you with his sharp tongue and impressive rebukes.

So really, was it such a terrible thing?

Not to mention, a number of not-so-terrible things occurred as a result of one of your many arguments, such as hiring him as your calculus tutor. One that started out with you claiming he would probably be the shittiest teacher to ever exist (which seemed a valid argument at the time considering how short tempered and impatient he could be *cough* with you *cough*) to which he rebutted with the claim that he could “teach a goldfish advanced calculus” if he set his mind to it, and considering that you “had an IQ equivalent to one”, he could without a doubt teach you. His words, obviously.

It just so happened that you had a calculus exam coming up that next week, so to prove his point, he tutored you for the three days preceding said test. Even though you loathe being proven wrong, you ended up getting one of the highest scores you’d ever gotten on a math test in your entire academic career.

Putting your pride aside, you made the suggestion that he continue to tutor you. He only agreed when you offered him green in exchange for his troubles and admitted that he was right (it took a few extra hours to convince yourself that your grades should be held above your ego before you could bring yourself to verbally admit defeat).

And now here you are, not flunking out of calculus. You’d consider that worthy of the bruise to your pride, even if only by a small margin.

“Kyungsoo, why’d you mark this one wrong?” You frown at the large red X marking problem two as incorrect. You’d been glaring at your scribbled work for almost two minutes, running over the problem in your head, but you couldn’t seem to figure out where he thought you’d gone wrong. It looks right enough to you.

Kyungsoo shifts over to get a better look, his arms pressing against yours in the process and you are briefly stunned by the sudden, unexpected closeness, wholly unable to stop yourself from noticing the faint, woody scent of his aftershave that caresses your senses. Fuck. You can’t tell if you hate or love the fact that he smelled so good. Partly love it because good hygiene is always something to admire in a man (even if that man was Doh Kyungsoo), partly hate it because dammit it’s Doh Kyungsoo and you loathe finding anything that has to do with him attractive. Plus, it’s distracting. You’re here trying to learn and he has the audacity to go around smelling like pine trees and fresh moss after a rainfall. Unfair.

“Right here.”

The scowl you don’t realize you’re wearing immediately drops away as the low baritone of his voice thrums through the cavity of your ribcage and you lean forward to see exactly what he’s pointing at.

“You multiplied straight through instead of distributing.” He explains further upon seeing the uncertainty on your face. A few seconds of further inspection and you finally see what he’s talking about.

“Fuck,” you hiss, “I’m so stupid.”

“It’s an easy mistake to make.” He reassures.

“Yeah, but I should know that by now, I should’ve—” you turn your head, only to nearly choke on air as you discover that any space that once existed between the two of you has virtually disappeared, “... seen it.”

He’s close, so close that you can feel the cool rush of his breath against your skin as he exhales, goosebumps bristling across your arms in response. He’s close. Too close. You can’t think straight, can’t even breathe. The moment that surrounds you feels fragile, like even the slightest disruption would rupture it completely.

Frozen, you can only swallow around the sudden dryness of your mouth as your treacherous eyes drop to trace the plush line of his lips. Who even has lips like that? They’re just so big and so pink, that dark, kissable kind of pink that every girl just wishes her lips could be. You, included. They look soft, and you can’t help but to wonder if they’d still taste like the strawberry bubblegum he’d been chewing on at the beginning of your tutoring session.

“Careful, ___.” The sound of Kyungsoo’s voice, raspier than you recall it being before and laced in a faintly taunting pitch, is enough to break you from your trance and, once freed, you whip your head around fast enough to give yourself whiplash.

“Fuck off.” You cough, jaw clenching as you attempt to drag your mind out from the gutter and back onto the calculus problems you have yet to correct. But for whatever reason your brain refuses to cooperate, instead filling your head with images of his pretty mouth and everything it could be doing instead of rambling on about something as uninteresting as calculus. Damnit.

No doubt seeing the distress written clearly across your face, Kyungsoo chuckles, the sound low and smooth where it drips from his lips, and a familiar heat blossoms in the pit of your stomach.

You can feel his eyes on you now, every cell of your being suddenly hyperaware of his presence beside you. The pressure of his knee where it nudges against yours, the teasing curl of his lips as he watches you struggle to focus, the warmth of his palm caressing up your thigh, the— wait what?

Your gaze whips down, breath hitching at the sight of Kyungsoo’s hand gently gripping the lagging clad flesh just above your knee. It’s another few seconds before you’re able to find your voice again.

“W– What’re you—?”

“Focus.” He cuts you off smoothly, fingers soothing over the inside of your leg, squeezing gently. When you don’t look away from him, he smirks, jerking his chin forward in a manner you can only interpret as challenging. There’s a familiar glint in his eye, a dangerous glint that doesn’t fail to provoke your competitive side. You know that look well. He’s challenging you.

And you don’t back down from a challenge.

Especially not from Doh Kyungsoo.

Determination flairs up inside of you, your jaw clenching as you strike him with a single, heated glare that read plain and simple ‘you. are. on.’ before honing all your attention onto the worksheet in front of you. It’s not too difficult to focus at first, to disregard the tingles that erupt across your skin where his hot touch sears into it. You manage to find and correct your error in one of the problems (impressive for you even if Kyungsoo wasn’t feeling your leg up under the table).

But whatever pride you find in doing so is quickly quelled when his hand suddenly shifts higher, and you feel the faintest pressure against your heat. It’s a sensation that robs you of your ability to breathe entirely for a handful of seconds, and you can’t stop the shiver that ripples down your spine.

This, you see, is one of the more recent developments in your oh-so complicated relationship with Doh Kyungsoo. Yet another that began with a disagreement at a party, over something you can’t even remember anymore thanks to the haze of alcohol that clouded both your minds at the time, that spiraled way out of proportion. You remember yelling at him, insulting him, stabbing your finger into his chest, feeling the sting of his lethal glare. God, he’d looked so pissed off, and you just fed off of it, fed off the rage and the frustration that festered like lava in those dark brown eyes. The angrier he got, the harder you pushed, until he finally snapped.

You’re still not sure what you expected to happen. What you expected him to do. But you sure as hell hadn’t anticipated him grabbing you by the throat and pulling you into one of the hottest, most mind numbing kisses you’d ever experienced.

Next thing you remember is being in a bed. Whose bed it was, isn’t important. What is important, however, is the fact that that night you had the best sex of your entire life with the man you thought you couldn’t stand.

Hate sex with Doh Kyungsoo opened your eyes to a whole new world of mind boggling pleasure that you’d never experienced before. Pleasure that no other person had ever been able to give you. God, the things he did to you. No one had ever touched you like that before. It was like he knew all the places on your body that made you unravel. He honestly ruined all other men for you that night because none have even come close to comparing. Which was beyond frustrating especially considering that, at the time, you thought it was a one time thing.

The morning after you both pretended that nothing happened. In the two weeks following as well, neither one of you mentioned it. You tried to erase the memory from your brain, tried to go back to normal, but it was hard considering every time you needed some sexual release (which was more often than you care to admit), it was his hands, his mouth, his cock that you imagined while you touched yourself. You replayed his moans in your head, his deep, rasping voice growling your name, and fuck, you never came harder.

But it was still nothing compared to the real thing.

As time passed you only grew more and more frustrated. Worst of all, you could tell he was feeling it too. It was obvious in the way he looked at you, with fire burning in eyes, in the way he spoke to you, with a pitch of something hot and wanting in his voice, in the way he lost his cool far quicker and far more often than he had in the past, your arguments fiercer and more frequent than they’d ever been. The tension between the two of you was palpable, thick enough to be cut with a knife. It got to the point where even your most oblivious of friends started noticing it as well, though they knew better than to voice their curiosity.

The second time it happened, you were both sober and, somehow, it was even better than you remembered. The pleasure was more intense, more overwhelming, a feeling you can’t even put into words. Then it kept happening. Late at night when he’d show up unannounced at your door. Early in the morning when you had an important exam later in the day and you needed some pre-test de-stressing. Between classes in the back seat of his car just because you could. At parties when your friends were too shit faced to notice the two of you slipping into an unoccupied bedroom.

Just sex. That’s what you both agreed to when it became blatantly obvious that your little ‘arrangement’ wouldn’t be coming to an end any time soon. No strings. Just sex. Just really, really good sex.

And that was perfectly fine by you.

Exhaling shakily through your nose, you try to block out the feeling of his thumb as it begins to caress gently up and down your clothed core, suddenly very grateful for the layers of fabric that separate you from his intoxicating touch. But it’s a gratitude that’s short lived. Just as you manage to adjust and scribble down a correction, he cups his hand over your mound and squeezes. A gasp escapes you, and you try to cover up the sound with a series of short coughs, the sting embarrassment intertwining with the warmth of pleasure as a few eyes briefly glance in your direction.

“You’re such an asshole.” You hiss under your breath, thighs tightening around his hand, locking it in place.

He throws you a lopsided grin, brows lifting and you don’t miss the glimmer of amusement in his eyes. “I’ve been called worse.” What he means is you’ve called him worse.

Your lips part, but any intelligible words die on the tip of your tongue as he grinds the heel of his palm down, directly against your clit. Your head drops, eyes squeezing shut, teeth locking down firmly on your lower lip in order to silence the soft moan that threatens to break free.

“F- fuck.”

You hear him coo tauntingly beside you at your slip, the tips of his skilled fingers easily locating your entrance and prodding experimentally. At this point, you don’t doubt he can feel the fabric of your leggings growing hot and wet with your arousal.

Despite being used to the quick effect he had on your body, you can help but to feel the slightest twinge of shame at how he was able to rile you up this much with little more than a few well-placed strokes of his fingers. But fuck, it felt so good. You’d already been feeling somewhat deprived since you’d both been so busy this past week with exams and projects and what not. This is the first time you’re spending time with him since almost a week ago.

And you are in need of a fix.

“You look like you’re having a bit of trouble on that problem. Do you need my help?” Kyungsoo leans into you, his face right up next to yours, and you have to resist the sudden urge to kiss him right then in there in front of everyone in the stupid library.

Instead, you grit out an unconvincing, “I’m fine,” and force yourself to stay focused on the dizzying mess of numbers and letters on the worksheet in front of you and not on the delicious warmth of his hand where it is applying just the right amount of pressure to keep you teetering between pleasure and the insatiable need for more.

“You sure?” There’s a certain lightness to his voice that tells you he is thoroughly enjoying watching you struggle. Sadistic bastard.

“Positive.”

And just like that, he’s gone. You almost gasp as a rush of cold air fills the places he had been, and you can’t help the frown that tugs at the corners of your lips, disappointment and irritation coloring your features before you can reel them in. From the corner of your eye, you chance a glance in his direction. The smug, knowing little smirk staining his lips sends a wave of heat pulsing into your cheeks, and you grit your teeth in frustration.

“So what, you’re just going to stop?” You whisper sharply, not making any attempt whatsoever to hide your annoyance.

A look of feigned innocence overcomes his features. “You said you didn’t need my help.”

You grit your teeth, glaring at him as hard as you can manage with how incredibly turned on you are. But he remains unfazed.

“If you want my help,” he continues, voice dropping an entire octave, “you’re going to have to ask for it... nicely.”

Nice wasn’t a word in your vocabulary when Kyungsoo was involved.

Seeing the resistance you are still putting up, he feathers his fingers over your thigh, tracing slow designs across the thin, black fabric. You swallow, unable to look away as they trail dangerously higher, teasing closer to where you both knew you wanted them most.

“You do want it, don’t you?”

Fuck, you want it so bad.

You know that he knows you want it. It’s just the getting yourself to actually say it out loud part that proves to be a challenge. But that’s exactly what he wants you to do, he wants to hear you say it, wants to see you cast aside your stubborn pride and beg for it. Beg for him.

Lifting your eyes, you glance unsurely around the library. It isn’t overly crowded anymore since most of the other students have begun to trickle out as late afternoon approaches. Plus, the table you were seated at was tucked into the far back corner of the room, secluded and out of the way. But still, your nerves buzzed at the thought of someone seeing. Though maybe — just maybe — there was a buzz of something else as well. Excitement, perhaps?

Grip tightening around your pencil, you chewed on the corner of your lip, refusing to meet Kyungsoo’s penetrating gaze as you let out a soft murmur. “...ease.”

He leans closer, mirth shimmering in his eyes. “What was that? I couldn’t quite hear you.”

Groaning, you shoot him a scowl, shoulders slumping in defeat. “Please help me, asshole.”

Laughter bubbles at his lips, the genuine kind that makes his cheeks lift and his nose wrinkle. You like it when he laughs like that. Makes him look a lot less like a serial killer.

Sinking his teeth into the pillowy flesh of his lower lip to stifle his laughter, he shoots you a lazy grin, “that’s all you had to say.”

Next thing you know, his hand is slipping beneath the elastic of your leggings and into the soft cotton confines of your underwear. Your mouth fell open, a sharp inhale filling your lungs with cold air as his fingers slid through your slick folds.

“I knew you were wet but shit.” He hisses, thick brows furrowing at the feeling of your heavy arousal coating the length of his digits. “I must say, I’m flattered.”

“Don’t be,” you breathe, eyes fluttering, “even Chanyeol can get me this— ngh!”

Without warning, he plunges his middle finger inside of you, and the remainder of your sentence pitches into a strangled moan. One look at his face, jaw clenched, nostrils flared, lips down turned, tells you he isn’t all too pleased at the mention of another man’s name, especially when he’s the one buried knuckle deep in your greedy cunt.

A hazy smirk curls onto your lips and you let out a low hum of pleasure, walls squeezing around him. “You’re sexy when you’re mad.”

“Is that why you enjoy pissing me off so much?” He questions, tone biting and low, and you shutter involuntarily as he rolls the pad of his thumb harshly over your aching clit.

“Partly.” You admit, somewhat breathless. “But you’re also just a really fun person to piss off.”

He chuckles dryly in response, though the sound lacks any genuine amusement. “You are such a brat, you know that?” He emphasizes the word by stretching you around a second finger, and you have to drop your pencil in favor of clasping your hand over your mouth, unable to swallow down the soft whimpers that tremble up your throat.

“You love it.” You manage to get out before you’re forced to bite into the tender flesh of your palm to muffle a desperate cry when the slow thrusts of his digits suddenly picks up speed. Your thighs squeeze around his hand, hips jerking up to grind your throbbing clit against the heel of his palm. Electricity ricochets through your veins, and you feel that distinctive tightening in the pit of your stomach. Kyungsoo also feels the way you throb and clench around him, and makes sure to grind down hard against your swollen clit.

Heat immediately spreads through your core, the intensity of the pleasure becoming more than you can handle. “Oh god, Kyungsoo.” Your voice comes out louder than you intended, and you quickly duck your head, doing your best to make it seem like you’re focusing on your work and not the fingers drilling relentlessly into your g-spot, praying to god that no one had seen the blissed out expression on your face. Still, you can’t help the quiet whine that escapes you when his ministrations slow.

“Are you trying to get us caught?” He asks in less than a whisper, breath hot against the shell of your ear. “Ever hear of subtlety?”

“Ever hear of suck my dick?” You snap back without missing a beat, only to jolt as his fingers curl inside of you, pressing directly against that sensitive bundle of nerves. Every muscle in your body tenses, and fuck you’re so close you can almost taste it. Frantically, you thrust your hips, desperately trying to fuck yourself down on his digits.

“Sit still.” He growls, and you quiver when he sinks his teeth into the lobe of your ear, obeying only because you really don’t want to get banned from the campus library if someone happened to catch on.

“Soo— fuck,” the force with which you bite into your lip is nearly about to break the skin, but you can’t be bothered by the pain, not with how quickly your orgasm was approaching. Sensing as much, Kyungsoo goes the extra mile of drawing hard, fast figure eights over your clit with his thumb while simultaneously thrusting his fingers into you so fast that you swear you can almost hear it.

All at once fire roars through your veins, euphoria consuming you as your high crashes over you. Your walls spasm around his digits, painting them with your release.

He doesn’t withdraw from you until you go slack, thighs spreading, body slumping back in your chair, eyes fluttering as a hazy, blissed out smile touches your lips. You can only watch through hooded lids as he brings his glistening fingers to his mouth, sighing in amazement as he sucks them clean. There’s a twinge of arousal in your core as he moans softly at the taste of you on his tongue, a downright lethal sound that somehow manages to rouse your positively spent pussy.

This man is going to be the absolute death of you one of these days.

“Fuck.” You chuckle airily, heady gaze flickered over him lazily, only to do a double take when you notice something standing upright beneath the zipper of his jeans. The corners of your lips twirled into a mirthful grin, eyebrows raising slowly.

“Need some help with that?”

“Yes.” He answers shamelessly and without hesitation, grunting softly as he adjusts himself in the tight confines of his jeans to make the raging hard-on he’s sporting somewhat less obvious. “But not here.”

“I figured. So... your car or mine?”

“Didn’t you just get a new one with reclining seats?” He questions, running the tip of his tongue over the seam of his lip at the mere implication.

You strike him with a wicked grin, already beginning to shove your things into your bag. “I did indeed.”

“Then what are we— wait.”

“What?”

“You didn’t finish correcting the worksheet yet.” He points out, drumming his fingers across the paper that had completely slipped your mind.

You pull a face, pausing in the act of gathering your belongings long enough to cross your arms pointedly over your chest. “No offense, Kyungsoo, sweetheart, but I’d much rather suck your dick than do one more of those stupid fucking calc problems.”

His brows leap to his hairline, and he offers a single nod of acceptance, in no position to argue with such a valid point.

“Noted.”

[jimlingss]

Jungle Park [8]

Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 8.5 OR Chapter 9

➜ Words: 7.4k

➜ Genres: Fluff, Light Humour (?), Slice of Life, Workplace Romance!AU

➜ Summary: The equation is simple. Hoseok needs to hire someone. You need a job. Except like any actual equation, it’s not fucking simple at all! Not when you have to add the fact that he was forced to hire someone he doesn’t want in his office, he has little respect for your job in general, and oh yeah...once upon a time you might have—*CENSORED*.

To be fair — this wasn’t your idea.   You’re actually not that big on exercise, even if you do enjoy nature from time to time. Plus, the last time you actually worked out was probably back in high school. After you got hit in the face with a flying soccer ball, that was when you decided that sports, working out, and exercise in general weren’t for you.   You swear you can still see the indent of the soccer ball in your cheek if you squint enough in the mirror.   So the employees of the firm shouldn’t be so upset with you. If anything, they should sympathize since you’re hiding your true feelings and plastering a giant smile on your face to bring up the group morale. If they want someone to blame….they should blame Jimin.   But no one would blame sweet, kind Jimin. Not you. Not even Hoseok.   “I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Seulgi mutters while staring out the windows as the sceneries pass. She watches the bus’ shadow on the road and feels every bump of the wheels, the long vehicle shaking.   “Oh c’mon, guys!” Jimin stands up in front and turns around, leaning forward on the seat to look at everyone. It’s a pleasant sight to see all his employees in their casual clothes and not the suffocating professional dress code. “It’s the firm’s tradition — the annual team-building-slash-workplace-retreat! It’s going to be so much fun!”   There’s silence. No one seems impressed with the advertisement and you glance across the aisle to where Hoseok is sitting by himself, tapping on his phone, texting while glancing at his watch every so often. He doesn’t contribute to the conversation, preoccupied with work that he somehow prepared in advance during the bus ride. You’re sitting next to Jimin, having discussed the plans for the day.   “I should’ve just skipped or called in sick,” Sunyi murmurs and there’s a hum of agreement that ripples through the group.   “And I would’ve found out.” Jimin smiles happily and it’s creepy when it never quite reaches his crinkled eyes. Then, he sighs. “It’s just a hike! It’s a simple foot trail! And we have lunch for everyone!”   “There’s no trail,” Namjoon suddenly pipes up and everyone, except Hoseok, turns around in their seats to gawk at the legal assistant.   Jungkook’s eyes are wide. “What?”   “I did research. We’re going up a mountain. It’s really intense. They say it’s for experienced hikers.” Namjoon says these things while his expression remains impassive, irises dead, looking out the window like he’s accepted his fate and there’s no way he can fight it. He is utterly hopeless. “It’ll take four hours to go up and four hours to go down. Eight hours of hiking.”   “Dear lord.” Naul is wearing completely black sunglasses, so you aren’t able to read her expression. She leans her head back in the comfortable seat of the bus, maybe to take a nap and conserve her energy.   Jimin bores his eyes at you for help. Part of you doesn’t want anything to do with this, but it’s also your job to boost office morale. So, you stand up, turning around to them. “It’s not that bad! Jimin and I looked into it and we don’t need to go up to the peak of the mountain. The view is already beautiful half-way up and there’s a sightseeing place with picnic tables where we can eat! It’s going to be great! Imagine going to bed tonight and being able to say you climbed a mountain!”   Yoongi’s mouth twitches. “I want to go to bed tonight alive.”   “Can’t exercise, Min?” Sunyi pesters him from across her aisle.   He shifts to her. “Oh trust me, I burn enough calories every night, Lee.”   “What’s that supposed to mean?” The female lawyer lifts her brow.   And he merely smirks, the corner of his lips tugging. “You know exactly what I mean.”   Without waiting or letting another word be spoken, you step in before it spirals into another set of complaints. That and Yoongi is on the borderline of sexual harassment and the last thing you need is to host a private seminar for him...again. Hence, you clear your throat loudly and catch their attention. “We’ll take plenty of breaks and play plenty of team-building games! You won’t even realize time is passing.”   “I kind of need to pee,” Jungkook says.   Everyone ignores him.   “Good thing I decided to wear my hiking boots today.” Seokjin lifts his food much to Namjoon’s dismay who is sitting beside him and now has his friend’s dirty shoe in his lap. “It’s new.”   “I doubt that,” Namjoon bites back even when Seokjin dramatically gasps.   “How intense is this?!” Lisa whirls herself around in hysterics, asking Namjoon instead of you and Jimin, like she trusts the prepared paralegal more than the people who organized this event. She’s right. “I’m wearing sandals!”   Inyoung is full of concern. “I only brought a thin jacket with me.”   “I just got my hair done,” Seulgi adds to the mob of complaints.   “My face is too handsome to be mauled by a bear or pack of wolves,” Jin says for no reason, somehow twisting people’s legitimate worries into a compliment for himself. Namjoon gives him an indignant look.   “Everyone is fine in what they’re wearing!” Jimin attempts to placate his fellow employees, using his cheerful and kind aura to his advantage. “And no bears or wolves are going to maul anyone here.”   For a moment, you wonder what the quiet bus driver thinks of all of this. “Wait,” Dahyun suddenly sits straight, head popping up from the seat in front of her that was blocking her face. “What if we get lost?”   Namjoon turns and pushes up his glasses on the bridge of his nose. “Don’t worry, I read a survival guide once in high school.”   “And that’s why you had no friends,” Seokjin adds on and Yoongi snickers. The rest ignore him, including Namjoon himself.   “We would need to start a fire for help and secure a water supply.” At least it’s good to know who the leader would be if this little adventure turned to shit. You don’t think Hoseok and Jimin are very good in the wilderness, even if they’re spectacular in court and the judicial system.   “And then a food supply,” Yoongi interjects. “We’ll have to start choosing who to eat. I vote Sunyi.”   “Thanks, fucker.” The girl in question scoffs. “I vote Yoongi.”   “Okay, realistically, we need to look at body fat contents so the rest of us can get the most calories out of it. The most bang for your buck. It would probably take three nights before we make our first sacrifice and roast them over the fire,” Namjoon announces like he’s thought about this for a long time and has an entire list of who to eat in a very specific order. “I believe Jungkook would be the best choice.”   Jungkook’s doe eyes nearly fall out his sockets. “W-What?”   “Do we just roast him or do we make them into a stew?” Seokjin genuinely asks.   “This is disgusting!” Lisa screams before Namjoon can reply.   Seulgi is equally appalled. “What’s wrong with you?!”   “Okay!” Jimin tries to get control of the group. “Okay, okay!”   “No one is going to eat anyone!” you shout loudly, throwing it out there for good measure like it wasn’t obvious in the first place. “Cannibalism is definitely against company policy! Right?”   “Yes!” Jimin exclaims after exchanging a look with you since there really isn’t anything about cannibalism in the firm’s policy. Though it doesn’t take much effort to be on the same page. “You will get fired if you eat each other.”   “I don’t think it would matter at that point if we keep our jobs or not,” Naul murmurs from the corner of her red lips and you still don’t know if her eyes are closed or not with her dark sunglasses. Frankly, you’re surprised she was listening to all this nonsense.   Yoongi agrees. “It’s about survival.”   “Hey, can someone pass the sunscreen?” Dahyun hands it over to Inyoung, interrupting the conversation with something more important.   Yoongi nabs every opportunity he has and once again, leans over to bother the living daylights out of Sunyi. “Need me to apply some to your back?”   “I will bite your fingers off,” she spits at him.   “That’s hot.”   “Y/N!” The lawyer raises her hand in the air, childishly tattling to you and in front of everyone else. Yoongi laughs heartily and you’ve never seen him more joyful. It’s kind of funny how he finds such bliss in simple things….which is bothering Sunyi to death. “I’d like to file an official harassment complaint immediately.”   “Yoongi.” You use your authoritative voice. “Stop it.”   “Got it,” he responds.   Problem solved.   “Cut it out, you two,” Jimin sighs and collects his composure again. He scans the premise and everyone’s faces. “Look everyone, whether you like it or not, we’re going on this hike. So, you can go grumbling with a frown or you can go with a smile. It’s up to you.”   It’s finally quiet for a moment as if everyone is accepting the circumstances and how they got here. Except, Taehyung breaks the peaceful silence with a thought. “Is it bad I didn’t bring any water with me?”   //   It’s surprisingly quite nice outside. The weather is not too hot or cold, rather mild with a warm breeze that kisses against your cheeks every so often. There’s not many people at the base of the mountain and there’s somewhat of a dirt path to take. At least it’s not in the middle of nowhere where you’d actually have to eat Jungkook if things become dire enough. Even if something happened, there would be a rescue search. Probably.   There’s a sign at the entrance, a cafe and gift shop off to the side, and two volunteers that give you a brochure on the history and landscape of the area. Everyone’s enjoying themselves for the first ten minutes before setting out, taking bathroom breaks (which Jungkook runs to) and bringing up their blood sugar by having snacks. In the meanwhile…   “I’ll take that.”   Jimin steals Hoseok’s phone right out of his grasps. “Wait. I’m almost done. I’m finishing a draft that I need to submit on Monday. I’m serious. Jimin!”   It’s a bit odd to see the usually intimidating lawyer at a loss and trying to convince his partner, but you’re also aware of the rumours that Jimin can be much more frightening than Hoseok.   “I’m going to lose my shit,” he warns in a low tone, out of earshot distance from everyone else. “What’s the name of our firm?”   “Are you serious?”   “Answer me.”   “Jung and Park.”   “Exactly.” Jimin looks proud and smiles. “It’s you and I. So we gotta both be part of this, alright? You are a partner of this firm, just as much as I am. Let me remind you of one very important quote...we’re all in this together.”   “Please don’t break out into song,” Hoseok pleads.   Jimin simply pockets his best friend’s mobile device in his own pocket. “It’s not like you’ll even have reception up there. Plus, you can always do this work later. And let’s be honest, you’ll never be done. There’s always work to do.”   “Fine, fine.” He lifts his hands, palm facing forward for mercy. “I’ll be part of this.”   “Good.”   Jung Hoseok is left kicking pebbles underneath his feet, bored and quietly sulking. From a distance, you watch in amusement, finding it hilarious that the workaholic was ripped away from his work like a child was taken of their toy. His lips are downturned, slightly pouted, and you’re about to approach when suddenly the heavy cooler of sub sandwiches is taken from your hands.   “Is this our lunch?” Jungkook asks with a curious look, holding the heavy object with one arm easily and swings it like it doesn’t weigh at least twenty five pounds.   “Yeah.” You reach out to take it back. “No one’s allowed to eat them yet.”   “Oh, I know.” The student lawyer stares at you blankly. “But it’s heavy, right?” And that’s when you realize that he’s carrying it to help you. He’s the only one who offered and he didn’t even need to be asked. You’re caught off guard by his thoughtfulness, but the boy doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal. Instead, he glimpses at the other tote you’re carrying. “Is that our games?”   “It is. Jimin was pretty adamant about bringing twister.” You decide to let him in on a little secret with a smile and shrug. “I have no idea why or how’d we even play.”   “If we played twister on the mountain, Jin would probably fall off the cliff and die,” he jokes with a laugh. “I don’t think he has insurance coverage on that.”   “Hey!” Seokjin turns around, having been bantering with Namjoon if the hat in front of the gift shop is ugly or not. It’s ugly. “Are you talking trash about me, son?!”   “No!” He speaks up.   You and Jungkook glance at each other, exchanging laughs and cheesy smiles. All in the while, none of you realize that Hoseok is glaring holes on the side of your head.   //   The workplace hiking retreat is Jimin’s special event. He takes the honours of leading the way and holding the map, making sure everyone is going in the right direction while hyping up the line of employees that are trailing after him. You’re left at the very back, making sure that no one (Yoongi) tries to book it in the opposite direction and run away — apparently he tried that one year. But Sunyi assures you she’s got tight reins on him and he’ll be walking all the way up, to which he scowled at and looked like he was about to bite the girl’s head off.   Jungkook waits and walks with you. He decreases his usual large strides for you, slowing down to synchronize your shuffling steps together. You didn’t think you’d be talking to him this much since he always seemed shy with little to say. But here you are, chatting away like old friends and the two of you are unable to stop taking, hitting it off relatively well.   “Taehyung might seem that way, but he’s a great mentor.”   “That’s good.” Now that you think about it, Jungkook never gossips or complains about anyone. He always has something nice to say about each person and you can tell he means it with the sparkling of his big eyes. He gawks at Taehyung who’s ahead with admiration...though you’re not sure if he’s objectively a good role model. “I’m glad you’re not having a hard time.”   “Sometimes it’s difficult. I think I’m still adjusting to the job and there’s a lot I don’t know.” His smooth voice drops down into a whisper. “But I do know that he’s saved me from getting fired by Hoseok a few times.”   You giggle and within ten minutes, somehow the conversation that centered around the job and his current health state morphs to things that have nothing to do about the office. “I can’t believe you pour milk before your cereal. Who even are you?”   “Well, I want a certain amount of milk in my bowl,” the younger male explains with wild gestures of his one hand, attempting to defend himself. “If I put cereal in it first, I’m not sure how much milk there actually is.”   “You just eyeball it. It isn’t that difficult.”   “No, trust me, it’s easier when you pour milk in the bowl first and then the cereal.”   “I don’t even eat cereal.”   Jeon Jungkook gasps out loud like you just offended twenty generations of his family. “What?!”   “Okay.” You hold back several laughs. “Don’t sue me.”   “I think I might have to.” He giggles as well, laughing at how ridiculous this debate is. But the student-at-law is persistent in nature and doesn’t back down. “How can you not like cereal? It’s the best breakfast food ever!”   “It’s bland,” you counter.   “What kind of cereal have you been eating?!” Jin’s dramatics must’ve infected him and you enjoy the theatrics of his arguments. The cool breeze whisks through your hair, the sunshine illuminating the surroundings of pine trees and the dirt path up the incline. But the pair of you don’t admire the sceneries or the premise when you’re busy looking at each other. “Have you ever tried the ones with dried fruit? Like there are cereals with dried strawberries in them.”   “Oh yeah, I love that, but I always end up picking out the strawberries to eat them and then I’m just left with the frosted cereal left.”   He shakes his head. “I should take you to this place I know. It’s a cereal restaurant. They have all kinds of cereal and all kinds of milk and it’s glorious.”   “A cereal restaurant?” Your brows shoot up in skepticism.   “Yeah!” he grins in enthusiasm. “Have you ever heard of it?”   “No, I haven’t.”   “It’s so good! I could take—”   “Is there a water bottle in there, Kook?” There’s an interruption that doesn’t come from you nor Jungkook. You turn and Hoseok’s in front of you both, having stopped without the rest of the group realizing and going on ahead. Jungkook doesn’t waste any time, putting down the cooler and opening it.   “Didn’t you bring your own?” you ask in surprise since it came out of nowhere.   “I finished it.”   “Already?!” An entire water bottle this earlier on? You wonder how thirsty he might’ve been or if he was dehydrated.   The lawyer merely cocks his head to one side. “Is that a problem?”   “Only if you have to pee later.”   Jungkook hands him the new bottle and he uncaps it, taking another sip before sticking it in his black tracksuit jacket, somehow fitting the entire thing in the pocket. “Thanks.”   Part of you expects him to be on his way, but for some reason Hoseok sticks around, on your other side and joins your walk. It’s not like you mind, but it seems like Jungkook is uncomfortable that his boss is right there and conversations of cereal-first-or-milk-first, pineapple-pizza-or-not, or if-it’s-okay-to-pee-in-the-shower, they all cease to exist.   You clear your throat, glaring at Hoseok from the corner of your eye. It’s not everyday that you get to chat with Jungkook or get to know him better or get to the deeper concerns, and Hoseok was really ruining this for you. Yet, he remains undeterred. Maybe he’s oblivious to your signals or he’s straight out ignoring them. You’re not too sure.   But for the next ten minutes, the three of you walk in complete silence.   You use the opportunity to finally take in the nature. There are trees that stretch beyond the horizon, greenery and gaps of fields seen in your vision. The fresh scent of earth and grass heals your lungs from the metropolis’ pollution. It’s quite pleasant to be away from gas exhaust and the smog. When you’re away from the city, highways of cars and trucks, it’s quiet and peaceful. You can hear chickadee birds, rabbits hopping, buzzing of wildlife.   Eventually, Jimin stops everyone at the first checkpoint.   “Okay, gather up, everyone!” He secures his round, taupe hat that reminds you of an explorer. You suppose this is the most adventure Jimin ever gets when he’s away from the concrete jungle. “I hope the half-hour trip hasn’t been too brutal but it’s time for our first set of team building games!”   “What is it?” Yoongi asks right off the bat to not waste any more time.   “Trust falls!” Jimin announces with a half-moon smile. “On the edge of this cliff.”   “.....”   “I’m joking!” The lawyer is the only one who laughs. “We’re playing charades.”   Dahyun raises her hand and he calls on her. “How is this supposed to contribute to team building?”   “Fantastic question! It’s team building because you have to work together to answer correctly and you’re also reading body language which helps with everything. Y/N, sketchbook, please.”   You immediately dig for the prepared sketchbook with words written inside of them and you hand it to the lawyer who nods in appreciation. He continues much to the chagrin of the others. “And now I will divide the entire group into two. Right...there. Yes, now pretend there’s an imaginary line. You guys are team one.” He turns towards your direction. “And you are team two. Team one goes first. One at a time, someone will face me and act it out and the rest of you face away from me and guess. No cheating. No speaking for the person acting. Ready?”   You sit on the sidelines, Jimin having enough mercy to let you take a break. Jungkook was divided on team one and you watch the game go on as Hoseok stands beside you.   “You know,” he speaks up, “Jungkook is like eight years younger than you.”   “So?” You shift to him with a lifted eyebrow, suddenly annoyed with what he might or might not be implying. “What does that have to do with anything, Jung Hoseok? What are you trying to say?”   “N-nothing. Never mind.” He looks away from you, sighing. “...I’m sorry.”   In the background, Sunyi is flapping her arms wildly and Yoongi is throwing out guesses without letting anyone else guess, saying absurd things like ‘synchronized swimming’, ‘an idiot’, ‘someone sad with no love life’. She gets frustrated and screams at him, “I’M A BIRD!”   Jimin docks a point for cheating.   “What's the matter?”   “Nothing.”   “Well, there’s obviously something,” you persist while staring at Hoseok’s profile. He’s still sulking and you don’t understand what he’s trying to say. “Is it because Jimin took away your phone? I can get him to give it back to you. It isn’t that big of an issue.”   “No.” A staggering exhale spills from the seams of his lips. “That’s not it. It’s nothing, okay?”   You decide to back off his case. “Alright.”   Seokjin is up for acting now and he makes a rectangle shape with his hands. Yoongi guesses ‘circle’ to add to his frustration and Sunyi physically shoves Yoongi to get him to stop. Jin pretends to put the rectangle shape on an imaginary wall and then he points to his eyebrows and then makes an ‘x’ shape with his arms.   Everyone is stumped. He does it again. No answers.   Seokjin stops his foot and cries out, “I want a new team!”   The word is ‘Mona Lisa’.   The game is probably the reverse of team building. It’s ripping friendships apart.   But you can’t focus on watching when there’s a thick, smothering silence between you and the man standing beside you. No one lets a syllable slip or makes a sound. Your lips are sealed tight and you force yourself not to gawk at him. It’s terribly awkward, but you refuse to address it.   “I’m not upset or mad or anything.”   Hoseok is the first to step forward and you finally turn to him. “I never said anything.”   “You get quiet when you think I’m angry.”   “Psh.” The corner of your mouth pulls. “Who said?”   “No one. I just noticed.” He gazes into your eyes and softens his own. The other employees are preoccupied in either participating or observing and laughing. Behind them, it’s just you and him, a bubble of privacy that is uninterrupted. “I’m sorry for being an asshole. Maybe it’s the outdoors affecting me…”   “I doubt that.” You give a tiny laugh. “You love nature.”   “Who said?” Now he’s the one asking and his expression remains blank, frowning slightly.   “Uh...Jimin.” You nod. “He told me about it.”   “Yeah, I’ve always wanted a house with a massive backyard. I would’ve set up the office in the woods if it were possible.”   “Except, there are too many mosquitoes.”   “Yup.” He gives one of the brightest smiles, rival to the sun itself. The atmosphere has returned back to normal, one where you feel like you’re able to joke around just a little bit with him. “That’s the only issue. The mosquitoes.”   When team one is done, it’s time for your own team to go. Since you were the one who wrote all the words in the sketchbook, you don’t get to participate. You’re left holding the sketchbook, but you don’t mind too much when Namjoon is pointing straight up and doing jazz hands and stomping around and people are guessing sun and clouds, but never outer space.   It’s especially hilarious to watch Hoseok reluctantly participate. He holds both his hands in tiny circle shapes and begins to thrust them back and forth towards his open mouth, interchanging his hands. Everyone pales and becomes horrified at the suggestive movements. On the other hand, Jimin bursts out laughing, so hard that his body folds in half and he’s clutching his stomach, unable to be a referee and you’re worried he might not watch where he’s going and fall off the cliff.   The word is ‘flossing’.   In the end, Hoseok is the one who gets most into the game. He’s screaming and pointing and howling when someone gets close, causing the team to be pressured to get it right. He also makes wild guesses, enthusiastically and eagerly like he’s a youthful twenty-year old again.   “Alright guys! That was great. Team one has six points and team two is in the lead with ten! Next set of games, we’ll be mixing up the teams, so don’t get too comfortable.”   Dahyun raises her hand and he calls on her. “But then how will you keep track of points?”   “Fantastic question. I’ll wing it.” Before anyone can question him, he spins on his toes and begins pointing off into the distance, explaining where they’re heading and telling his employees to enjoy the beautiful scenery.   Jungkook ends up getting wrangled in by Taehyung, joining the banter with him, Namjoon, and Inyoung. He’s still holding onto the cooler and instead, you’re accompanied by Hoseok who stays by your side.   “What is that?” He peeks inside the tote you’re carrying.   “Puzzles.” And at the expression he gives you, you give one in return that conveys ‘Jimin organized this, not me’. He ends up taking the bag, not to examine further, but to—   Actually....you’re not sure why he takes it, but you don’t even think twice about it. All you know is that the muscles in your shoulder aren’t so tense anymore.   As groups and clusters of employees are chatting and hiking, Naul who was talking to Jimin finally tugs down her black sunglasses and her jaw drops. “Oh my god.”   They stop and the others skid to a halt before they bump into each other. You exchange expressions with Hoseok, not sure what’s going on before Lisa gasps, “It’s BTS.”   “What?”   “What?!”   You look past the crowd to see another group heading straight down the mountain, parallel to you, marching in an orderly line with long sticks in their hands. They look like professional hikers with full on backpacks and hats and they’re all smiling at each other like there’s no other place they’d rather be. There’s a ripple of quiet that passes through the people that make Jung and Park.   “Who’s BTS?” You lean over to Hoseok, whispering lowly.   “Big. Top. Solicitors,” he tells you in a spiteful manner. “They’re one of the biggest firms in the city and they have multiple departments in all sorts of things. So, they deal with tax law, criminal, personal injury and...of course….family law. They’re our biggest competitors.”   “Oh. I applied to work there. They even gave me an interview.” You remember and you quickly retract when Hoseok stares. “But they never called me back. A loss for them, right?”   You can recall it well. Their office building was magnificent and seemed straight of what you would expect in a high-budget television show. If you were nervous for the interview at Jung and Park, you were swimming in your sweat for the interview at BTS. In that way, you’re glad you never got a call back. You’re sure you would have never felt comfortable at that job.   By the time Hoseok is finished explaining and your little anecdote is given, they’ve closed the gap and realized who it was that faced them. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t Jung and Park.”   “What are you doing here, Jackson?” Jimin has a standoff with the partner of the opposing firm. It reminds you of a gun showdown from back in the day when two big names were on the same turf and fought to become dominant.   “We’re having an extended weekend for our employees,” he says with a smirk. The man is handsome and you wonder how he can climb an entire mountain and look like that. Even his jacket is crisp. If he was wearing a fitted, black suit, you’re sure Lisa who’s purposely looking away at the moment would piss herself, you included. “You’re only starting now? Guess you were trying to avoid that afternoon sun, huh?”   The condescending tone has Jimin’s eyes narrowing. “Why does it matter to you?”   “It doesn’t.” The male rolls his shoulders and the employees behind him seem to be staring daggers into your soul. “It’s just that we started at six in the morning and we made it all the way up to the peak. We even walked through lunch and now I’m treating everyone to an Italian restaurant. It’s nothing. But it’s pretty cute that you’re doing this too.”   “That’s actually really nice that you’re treating your employees.” Jimin smiles and it never quite reaches his eyes. “You must be pretty comfortable even after losing the Yoo case.”   A muscle in Jackson’s cheek twitches and had you not been staring, you might’ve missed it. “Don’t worry, we’re still comfortable. Unlike you, losing one case won’t hurt us. We have plenty more cases to work on.”   Satisfied, he brushes past him and walks down. It reminds you of petty high school movies where the crowd of popular kids would make fun of the underdogs. It’s a bit funny to see grown adults acting in such childish manners, but you don’t say anything. Instead, Jackson stops and turns to Hoseok once before going on his way. “You might have to pick up the pace, Jung. If you want to make it there before the sun goes down.”   “See you in court on Tuesday, Wang.”   When they’ve followed the curve of the mountain and disappear from sight, everyone is on their way again. But the steps seem slower, shuffling more against the gravel. Inyoung is the first to begin speaking again. “Did they really make it up and down in seven hours?”   “Only regular hikers make that amount of time.” Namjoon makes an objective statement, disregarding his own bias. “It’s pretty impressive.”   “Nothing’s impressive about them,” Sunyi mutters and it’s loud and clear. “I’d rather work for a smaller firm that actually cares about me than a larger firm who thinks I’m just one of their chess pieces.”   Taehyung lifts his head, having watched the dirt. “Did we never hear what happened to Wang Kwangsoo? Did he even go to court?”   “No, the lawsuit got buried and then he retired. He’s probably at some vacation villa right now living it up.” Yoongi remains impassive, but you can see the irritation in his expression, and a few others scoff when they’re reminded. “No one knows what happened to the victims, if they were paid or if something happened to them.”   Inyoung shakes her head. “That’s…”   “Disgusting,” Naul finishes.   “It’s not like we can prosecute him,” Hoseok says bleakley, but you know it’s from good intention. There's no point of being furious or having your blood pressure spike for someone who doesn’t deserve it in the least bit. “Take your anger and use it on cases where we can actually win. That’s the least we can do.”   “Yeah.” Sunyi nods in agreement and there’s a moment of silence before her voice continues in a hesitant murmur. “You know…..he might be a piece of shit…..but his son is really something else.”   “Right?!” Lisa whirls her head over. “That boy is one fine feast.”   “Oh my god.” Seokjin rolls his eyes. “Are you guys serious? Look at me! I’m much more handsome than Jackson.”   “I heard he’s running the firm a lot differently than his dad,” Seulgi pipes up and everyone else ignores Seokjin’s woes. “Like they recently had a huge purge and a bunch of people that were working under his dad got fired. He’s remodeling the entire hierarchy.”   “Don’t let appearances deceive you,” Naul warns. “We never know what’s really going on. But….I agree. He seems a lot better than his disgusting father. Again, we’re comparing him at a very low bar here.”   Even with Naul pointing out that the standard is low, Lisa sighs wistfully. “Kind, rich, handsome. A dream, right?”   “And they hiked like professionals.” Namjoon’s still hung up on it much to the dismay and surprise of others.   Jin lifts an eyebrow. “Who cares?”   “They beat the estimated time!” He stresses with wild gestures. “It’s really impressive, you just don’t understand. They made it all the way up and down. Only real hikers that go on the regular can do that.”   Throughout the entire conversation, Jimin remains unusually quiet. You’re about to pick up the pace to meet him and check to see if he’s okay. But then he turns around and stops. Dahyun asks if this was the second checkpoint and you find it odd that he would stop to do an activity in the middle of the dirt road like this. “Good question like always, Dahyun. Yes, this is our next activity.”   You’re about the pull out the puzzles—   “Everyone take a look at who you’re standing closest to. That’s going to be your buddy.”   You glance beside you and Hoseok’s staring right at you. Everyone quickly links up. Dahyun with Lisa, Sunyi and Yoongi glaring holes into each other’s skulls, Jin and Namjoon naturally beside one another, Taehyung that throws his arm around Jungkook’s, and Naul that joins up with Inyoung.   Jimin grins. “From now on, this is a race. First pair up the mountain wins.”   “Wait.” Lisa freezes. “What?!”   You’re as shocked as the receptionist is and you step up with a frown. “Jimin, this isn’t a part of—”   “It is now!” There’s a competitive fire that ignites behind his brown irises. Ideas of cooperation and team building have been thrown out the window. Jackson must’ve gotten to him. “Don’t you want to beat the record? I know we can do it!”   There’s an automatic sea of complaints, people threatening to just turn around and go home while others consider just sitting on the side of the road until someone comes to their rescue.   “That’s too far!” Sunyi points out one of the handful of problems.   “Fine! We’ll race to the halfway point and stop for lunch!” Jimin quickly spits it out before there are more protests, and then he scrambles for additional incentives. “First one up to the halfway point gets two more vacation days and a thousand dollar bonus.”   “What?” Jin’s jaw goes slack.   Taehyung’s already grinning. “What?!”   Hoseok throws it out there— “I didn’t agree to this!”   “Don’t worry,” Jimin reassures his partner. “I’m going to win and no one will get it. Ready, set, go!”   It’s completely spontaneous and chaos breaks loose. Jimin grabs Seulgi, the closest person to him and who’s automatically his buddy, and she screams when he begins sprinting up the steep incline of the mountain.   “Let’s go, Jeon!” Taehyung also begins running after a few beats and Jungkook’s doe eyes are large in surprise, but when his legs begin to run, he beats his mentor in sheer speed while he’s miraculously still holding onto the cooler. You wonder if he did track and field back in the day or was a competitor for some kind of Olympic game.   “I need that bonus!” Naul dashes off as well and Inyoung struggles. Lisa abandons her friends to book it in her thin sandals while hollering something about those vacation days.   “Namjoon!” Seokjin yells behind his shoulder. “Move your slow ass!”   Yoongi and Sunyi put away their rivalry for a moment, the most serious and cooperative you’ve ever seen from both of them. They whip their bodies through the air without saying more than a word to each other and after a while, Yoongi snatches Sunyi’s hand, helping her run faster or launching her forward, you’re not too sure. All you know is that you’re soon left in the dust.   This is the most enthusiastic you’ve seen everyone all day. You can’t help but smile, even if it’s all a bit ridiculous and the plans have been spoiled. It’s kind of nice to see everyone so involved and eager to make it. Maybe you and Jimin should’ve thought about incentives, aside from lunch, from the beginning.   “Are we going to run?” You turn to Hoseok who is stuck in his spot like a statue with his mouth wide open, wholly stunned at Jimin’s antics. “....no one’s supposed to get a thousand dollars, right?”   “You’re right.”   And that’s how the both of you begin jogging. It’s a steady speed, but it’s your strategy to win. Running out of energy is the last thing you want, so you try your best to maintain a stable speed. Once in a while, you can hear Hoseok swearing underneath his breath and you have to repress some laughter. Higher, higher, higher. On your way up, you run into Seokjin and Namjoon who are slugging along, dragging their heavy legs. They bicker about why the other person can’t keep running, yet each is out of breath and out of shape. You also find Inyoung and Dahyun who have been abandoned by their partners and are walking together.   Eventually, after twenty minutes of jogging and passing by Lisa and Naul as well, Hoseok and you decide to take a break. Well...more like your lungs were dying and you were gasping for breath and something internally in your intestines wasn’t feeling well and Hoseok took one glimpse at you and stopped.   “I can’t believe he did this,” Hoseok sits on the ground, leaning back and tipping back his head to let the uncapped water bottle bring a cool stream to his lips. His jawline is sharp, sweat dripping off his black hair and you wonder how the hell it’s so unfair he looks this good drinking water. But you quickly shake the thought away, trying to chug your own water bottle and replenish your system.   “We still have three more pairs to beat.” You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. “Jimin and Seulgi, Sunyi and Yoongi, and Taehyung and Jungkook.” And it astonishes you that Jungkook is still carrying the entire cooler with him while sprinting like Usain Bolt. What kind of monster was he?   Hoseok grins, letting out an exasperated ‘yeah’ while nodding tiredly. He runs a hand through his hair, slicking it back and out of his eyes. “If he doesn’t win, I’m going to have some serious problems.”   After another moment, finally rehydrated and rested, you tear your eyes away from the vivid azure shade of the sky towards him. “Ready to go again?”   “Ready if you are.” He smiles and you help him to his feet, letting go of his hand just as quickly. “We can walk for a bit to build that energy up again before we start jogging.”   “Sounds good.” You’re thankful since you don’t know if you can keep up with him.   “It’s been a long time since I exercised like this,” he muses while your steps naturally sync together.   “Same here.” You peek at the lawyer. “Are you okay though?”   “I’m fine.” He meets your eyes. “Why?”   “You’re afraid of heights, right?” From the distance, the once large pine trees appear more like broccoli and you’re getting closer and closer to the clouds. Luckily, the breeze is cool and the sun isn’t beating down on you like earlier. But as pretty as the scenery and how pleasant the weather is, it’s still a far way down. Off the dirt and stones you’re walking on is a steep drop. You’re certain the sharp rocks would puncture your body like a sword if you fell.   “Yeah,” he murmurs thoughtfully, “I am.”   You can’t help but tease him further. “You’re also afraid of spiders, ants, ladybugs, moths, any kind of bug really, and roller coasters and snakes—”   “Okay, that’s enough.” He playfully glares at you, lips pouty and cute.   “It’s okay.” You comfort him and fail to hide your wide smile. “No one has to know you’re a scaredy cat. Your secret is safe with me.”   “I am not a scaredy cat.” Hoseok grins, lips sort of mimicking a heart shape, his presence radiant like the sunshine itself. “I’m the bravest.”   Suddenly, a sickening wave overcomes your body. “OH MY GOD!” A blood-curdling shriek rips from your throat and you point in the distance, at a loss for words.   “WHAT?”   And you laugh like crazy when he actually physically jumps and turns around. Jung Hoseok shifts back around to you, absolutely unimpressed with your little prank. “Don’t do that! I’m serious!”   “I didn’t know you would fall for it!”   “I will sue you for causing me mental trauma and distress.”   “Go ahead,” you egg him on. “It’s not like I have money to give you monetary compensation.”   You’re still giggling, tears accumulating in your eyes and choking out the remaining giggles. Your face aches from smiling so much and you most certainly don’t pay attention when the terrain becomes rockier, less dirt and more of tiny pebbles.   All at once, your left foot loses traction.   You feel your body slipping forward without permission, knees buckling, as if you’re on ice, ready to tumble and roll off the edge. But at the speed of light, Hoseok grabs your arm, stabilizing you and saving you from death. You look up at him, laughter dying off your lips. He’s held you tight, but still gentle like he’s afraid of squeezing too hard.   And the man gazes into your eyes.   “Watch where you’re going, stupid,” he murmurs after a moment of complete silence.   “Stupid?” You’re baffled, unable to help the pout that takes over your face.   Hoseok lets go of you and you both resume walking. He ganders off at the scenery and the breeze cards through his locks, stands of dark hair moving past his brows. You can’t resist tearing your eyes away to anything else but him. The way he persists, the way he helped you without a moment’s breath, like it was a reflex, like it’s so entirely casual for him to react that way.   Why—   Your thoughts are interrupted when Hoseok suddenly lurches forward. His shoe is caught on a stick and he nearly eats a mouthful of dirt. But his arms flail like a tightrope walker and he stumbles forward four steps, miraculously catching balance. You laugh loudly.   So much for being a hero.   Hoseok immediately turns to you, embarrassed and cheeks burning red when he was trying so hard to look cool. You grin, reaching down and taking his hand. Your fingertips brushing lightly on his until he uncurls them and lets you slip your hand into his.   There’s no reason, only because…   “It’s safer. Wouldn’t want you to take a fall and be injured. I don’t think Jung and Park can run without you.”   He grumbles, but the man walks closer to you. “You’d become a murder suspect.”   You scoff. “No, I’d be a witness.”   “Not with the evidence stacked up against you like this. They’d think you pushed me.”   “Keep it up and I’ll actually push you,” you threaten him and he laughs with another one of those massive grins.   Both your palms are clasped together, his down-facing and yours up. The heat of his palm presses on yours, arms moving together as you continue the upward trek. You hope he can’t feel how nervous you are or how you’ve become hyper-conscious of his presence. But it’s odd.   Behind innocent anxiousness, there’s a fuzzy feeling that you haven’t experienced for years now. It makes you feel at peace and panicked at the same time. But the way you hold his hand seeks and gives comfort.   “Then I’ll take you down with me.”   Hoseok holds your hand tightly and even gives it a squeeze.   You wonder if it’s a mistake to want this to last forever.

[ryouverua]

Trial 6 -  ”hello, world!” (6)

Time to pick up the fallen torch.

Trial: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5

K.... K1-b0? This - this must be you, right?

I’ve been waiting for this moment since the beginning of the chapter 3 trial! Finally, the explanation I’ve been craving! If - if the inner voice is coming into play now - it might actually be a benevolent force, right? Maybe? At this point we just need something to keep us moving forward...

Yes!!!

..... Oops.

“And please choose the right answer this time.”

Okay okay, jeez -

K1... K1-b0? W-Why not - ?

...... remedy the situation. Not save... but fix...???

Voices??? It’s plural now? Does that include me, the player?

K1-b0! Your moment has finally come, with no more lasers or explosions required! hopefully

WAIT

WE’RE OFFICIALLY IN HIS POV NOW???

This is incredibly late game for a protagonist switch b-but okay! also oh god what does that say about Sweetcheeks’s condition -

I’m glad we haven’t completely lost Shuichi. ): He really does look like he’s not with us, though. How can we help him? I joke about how much I love this sprite, but it’s awful seeing him like this.

But apparently Shuichi’s been relegated to the sidelines entirely now, because K1-b0 is entirely focused on Jun - Tsumugi. Oh boy, I almost started thinking of her as Junko. I will not let her hide behind her characters, damn it!

Yes! Yes, exactly! She can’t have it both ways!

YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE ANNOYED YOU APPARENTLY WROTE HIM TO BE THIS WAY!!!

Ooh? Yeah, the text is changing at the bottom...

U U H   I’M SORRY YOU CAN’T JUST DROP A BOMB LIKE THAT SO ABRUPTLY -

TSUMUGI LET HIM HAVE HIS COOL MOMENT

HE LITERALLY JUST GOT HIS MOMENT IN THE SUN DON’T JUST UNDERCUT HIM OUT OF NOWHERE 

no seriously she didn’t even give him a chance to build up momentum

The way she’s able to just dismiss him so casually like that, just completely trivializing him, is absolutely brutal. also what plotline lol -

I-I mean I’m joking, he has had a ‘coming to terms with his status as a robot amongst humans and accepting himself’ plotline! Sorta! It’s just been pretty.... well, behind the scenes. I just wished we got to see more of you and Miu together at the very least.

Wait -

He’s been the actual audience’s surrogate? That.... that means his ahoge....... really is the connection to the outside... but also, the only thing holding him back from going kamikaze??? It’s basically an outside force that’s been suppressing his free will?

Oh shit... is that why the game switched us to this POV, for that reveal? Well-damn-played, DRV3!

.....

wow this is getting worse and worse, huh

ALSO OH NO WAY TO SMASH HIS FRAGILE SELF-ESTEEM INTO PIECES

“You know all those hi~lar~ious asides everyone had at your expense about you being no more important than your average kitchen appliance? Guess what - ! They were r i g h t!”

Somehow I wonder if it would have been better if it was the mastermind’s will. At least it would assign him some sense of importance, even if that stinging feeling of betraying his friends would be there. At least he wouldn’t literally just be the subject of some nameless audiences’ whims - as it is, he’s basically been relegated to the status of ‘plaything’.

From Chapter 3 onward, when I was thinking about it, I wasn’t sure originally if I should consider it a force for good or evil - it seemed to be generally benevolent and since he didn’t take any actions against anyone, it was generally okay for me to discard it as an extension of ‘a mastermind whose goal was for everyone to be at odds with each other/kill each other’. He was always one of the most willing to cooperate with the others, too! I even considered if any of his actions had indirectly caused tension or murder, and I couldn’t find any instances where he did. But if he’s been at the beck and call of a third party, who’s been directing him for the sake of entertainment? Well, that’s a completely different story. In that context... everything makes... a lot more sense...

.... Except for his Chapter 5 actions??? He nearly got Shuichi to take him out twice??

Wait, actually - oh, this does change how I might look at him from this point on. How often would he consult the voice? Do the decisions override his own every time? Does that mean he can only make a move at the behest of the audience????

THE WAY HE PUT IT IS EVEN MORE DEMEANING

fhgh I guess that answers one of my questions

THE GIMMICK....

every production buzzword thrown in makes my stomach drop more

S-Shit the last time he had his ‘short-circuiting’ sprite was when Kokichi did his mastermind reveal in tandem with the ‘outside world’ reveal - D:

A.... Are you trying to make them feel bad for you, because I don’t think it’s working -

omg I just realized there would totally be twitter threads and reddit posts and stuff dedicated to this, and I’m trying to imagine the rage!posts that would swarm them as users ran to the internet to bitch about how ‘the robot totally isn’t responding to us anymore!’ and ‘I bet they’re rigging it so the ending goes the way they want! What a cop out ending!’ and hell, one of those more topical ‘let 👏 us 👏 control 👏 the 👏 robot 👏 you 👏 cowards 👏’

K1-B0 WAS THE CAMERA?!?!

..................................

glances at my computer monitor, then back here

ahahaha I am officially part of the outside world!mastermind tomfoolery oh god I’m so sorry everyone

Wait.... wait. Wait! So the Nanokumas’ footage is for the mastermind’s exclusive use? Really?

I... I was under the impression that if this audience was watching everyone, they’d have access to everything....

Then how different would this all look from only K1-b0′s eyes?! Did he know about Kaito’s training, for example? About Kaede and Shuichi’s practical inseparability in the first chapter? Wow, how different would this entire thing look from K1-b0′s exclusive POV?

I’m sorry what?

okay okay she’s going off on a despair rant which is - y’know, great, you do you and whatever - but I think it just turned my brain off a little bit. Like I just got catapulted back to DR1.

A-Are we really turning back to the whole ‘Junko persona’ idea? That she took on that role specifically, and by taking on the role as ‘Junko Enoshima’ she feels obligated to follow it through to the end? B-But...... but??? For a show??? That’s... no, that can’t be right, that’s weird, that’s stupid, that can’t be right....

You gotta admire her dedication to the craft I-I MEAN NO

WHAT THE HELL TSUMUGI

THAT IS NOT A GOOD ENOUGH MOTIVE

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT KIND OF REASON

SHUT THE FUCK UP KOMAEDA AND DON’T LOOK SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS oh that actually felt pretty good

i say this as someone whose previous favourite was komaeda it was very love/hate don’t @ me

Oh hey, the opening music is on! Is this the big turnabout we’ve been waiting for? It’s.... so.... weird that it’s coming from K1b0 now? Also wasn’t this sort of the plot of the DR3 anime via the Ultimate Animator or -

I??? I guess??? Weren’t they all just screaming DESPAIR at Shuichi a minute ago??? Isn’t it their comments on the screen???

Inspirational and all but -

I’m GoINg to cHOkE anD DiE

ULTIMATE HOPE ROBOT

FJKGHSDKLFJ

WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME

oh shit well there’s text saying Hope now so I guess something has changed out there

I believe it’s called déjà vu.

No seriously, am I hallucinating? Is this not what led to the whole final vote in DR1 or am I going crazy? Is this... what is.... happening........???? And Shuichi has just completely BSoDed in the corner??? Like, is he disassociating right now? Where is he?

It’s interesting that she looks happy here compared to angry Junko. She looked excited earlier when K1-b0 challenged her too (her new jazz-hands!sprite, lol) too, and her voice is on the brink of. Uh. I’m just going to say it’s getting very.... passionate. Is she just that confident or...?

Oh hey their sprites mirror each other. Parallels. :D

I like how Tsumugi is having Makoto say this part ~

But this brings up a good question... how exactly is this so-called final battle going to work? If they can’t fight for the right to leave, then what can they do?

alksdfj Himiko and Maki have also been so quiet this so time - I almost forgot they were there. K1-b0 and Tsumugi are basically the only ones doing the talking and between all the cosplays it feels like there are way more people here than there actually are - which is the point, I think? It really adds to that oppressive, ‘everyone is against you four’ atmosphere.

“- DETAILS DETAILS anyway it’s happening I don’t really care, now about that special vote ~”

This -

This is literally DR1?!?!

This.... this is strange. There has to be incentive to vote one way or the other. Is she going to tie ‘vote for K1-b0’ and ‘you’ll be forced into a world where you can’t/shouldn’t exist’ together vs ‘Vote for Tsumugi′ and ‘stay inside forever’? That’s.... what happened in the others, right?

Shuichi, mentally clocked out but occasionally checking back in so he doesn’t miss anything important: Wow this is absolute bullshit

Yeah... there’s no way they weren’t going to find a way to tempt you to vote for K1-b0. Okay, lay it on us.

YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE THEM KEEP GOING?!?!

“Ugh why did I let myself get lured back into the conversation by my bitchin’ ‘Lazy Parallel World’ theme song I’m going to mentally check out again because everything hurts and I want to die -”

There.... there aren’t....??

THAT’S NOT ENCOURAGING omg I missed that catchphrase it always made me laugh

I??? I don’t know if I can trust that??? If you can literally make flashback lights to override their old memories - if you can force it on them, whether they’re willing or not - if you can delete the last 24 hours, you could make them do something again??? T-Though if Tsumugi is gone... but then again, there’s a whole team of people behind this apparently! Her being gone means nothing!

“So you cannot leave this place.” Is it? Is it literally, physically impossible to leave this place? That’s the real question. the impossible is possible all you gotta do is make it so... s o b

HOW EVIL CAN YOU GET

HOW COULD YOU NOT EVEN GIVE THEM A POSSIBILITY OF RETURNING TO THEIR ORIGINAL SELVES

WHY WOULD ANYONE MAKE SOMETHING LIKE THAT WHY WOULD THAT BE OKAY FOR A PUBLICLY TELEVISED TV SHOW

For that matter this whole damn series sounds like a snuff film, if actually people are involved. Dear lord, even if they are actually adults - and I desperately hope that if this is true, that the outside world is actually like this, and watches this for fun, then they have a ‘18+’ rule for auditions (actually considering the love hotel exists they must be at least 18 ggh) - even the survivors.... have been killed, in a sense. Their previous selves have been killed. They were dead the moment they entered the world...

So either 16 people consented to ‘dying’ in an existential sense as well as possibly a physical sense, or 16 people were kidnapped and ‘killed’ for the entertainment of the world. I.... I actually... do at least believe, no matter what, that there is a depraved audience viewing this from somewhere. There’s no way there isn’t - this feedback via comments, the scene with that kid Makoto watching this at the beginning of this chapter - those are true. And they were more than okay with the idea of these people dying for their entertainment, even the so-called winners.

You can only create new identities, not recover them... I, I dunno. Somehow that’s so much more soul-crushing than a lot of the other things that have come up this trial.

t-the way his voice is breaking skdlfjgh -

W HA T!?

WHAT THE FU -

WHY?! WHY?! WHY MUST IT ONLY BE TWO, EVERY TIME?! WHY HAVE YOU BEEN SO DETERMINED TO ONLY HAVE TWO PEOPLE SURVIVE TO THE END?!

H.... How the hell.... are they supposed to do that?! Is that how you’re doing it?! Putting the burden of the decision on them, in order to break them?!

H-HE LITERALLY SOUNDS LIKE HE’S GOING TO BREAK DOWN SOBBING ANY SECOND I CAN’T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS

She is really trying to push that point, huh... but there it is. They can escape to the ‘outside world’. That is a cold comfort at this point, but...

They...... I don’t. I don’t know. I wouldn’t be able to do this - look my classmates in the eyes and condemn them. I guess this somehow managed to be worse than DR1.

K1-B0 NO

fml of course the only potential option would be students choosing self-sacrifice

I... I’m glad Shuichi is showing concern. I’ve noticed it a few times, how finally in the last chapter or so that he’s been observant of K1-b0′s well-being where the others haven’t been.

But I’m getting distracted - that’s not the point! FML I know he’s been shown those extremist tendencies towards the vague ideal of hope and destroying the despair, I - between this and the ‘destroying the school’ rampage he went on - what is he aiming for? You’re saying that you’re trying to defeat despair, but what is that? Is hope just the opposite of despair? Is despair just whatever Tsumugi says it is, so we’re immediately opposed to it, as the representatives of hope? Are you fighting for them to escape? Why is everyone surviving together ‘living despairful lives’ if Tsumugi is gone and they aren’t trying to kill each other anymore? What makes it that way? Why is this considered ‘defeating despair’? What does that even mean?

I... I guess K1-b0 would be punished anyway if they voted for him, but.... still....

Ugh, I get it. I get that kibou is hope, and that K1-b0 is therefore hope, and that we’re fighting for him to win or... something.... uhghghgh

DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE SHUICHI

This was such an uncomfortable parade of ~ideal waifus~ sdlkfjsdf especially when we were getting into the ‘super tiny/cute’ territory because I have absolutely no interest in that whatsoever also I accidentally deleted Mahiru’s cameo sorry -

.... I wonder if this would’ve been more effective if I was the target audience for this? Either way, ending on Junko was still an offsetting choice, right? Right??

..........

Wait for that matter, who was this aimed for? Who out of Maki, Himiko or Shuichi would have fallen for that? Even if you believe that Maki or Himiko have an interest in women, nothing about the types they showed or may have shown interest in the game (Maki @  Kaito, Himiko @ Angie, Tenko and hell, even Kokichi) would lend them to the girls Tsumugi just cosplayed as? And even Shuichi’s strongest interest were in Kaede and Kaito - so who is Tsumugi trying to appeal to here?!

Oh shit we’re going into a mass panic debate! Okay, okay okay - !

.... Oh. Oh boy, I have to shoot down every mention of despair. Uh, okay -

OMFG I missed the screenshot but Monokuma started shilling their merch and their website I cannot even deal with how they’ll occasionally devolve into corporate shilling it’s so good -

But!!! We’ve got better things to do than get caught up in Monokuma’s commercializing of the class trial!

MAKI

NO MAKI WHY

ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR LAST CHAPTER IS THAT WHAT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW

omg

are you telling me

you’re not even doing this out of guilt

it

it’s spite

you’re doing this out of spite

you’re sacrificing yourself purely ou t of spite

MAKI HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE MAKI, AGAIN??? AGAIN?!?!?!”

“LET ME KILL SOMEONE SAIHARA IT’S MY DAMN TALENT FFS -”

DOES THIS SCREENSHOT SAY ‘SHUICHI LOOKS YUMMY <3′ YOU’RE RUINING THE MOMENT

okay I’m not going to feel right until I write down the new set of comments

Makiiii

my darling assassin T_T

Hope lives on!

Shuichi looks yummy <3

Well said!

Another hope loop?

Hope is contagious!

Two steps forward...

Don’t lose to despair!

Don’t tempt Maki’s fate...

That’s my Maki.

Hope must go on!

Maki, darling...

;_; I’m gonna cry...

Hope vs despair!

one vote for Keebo!

tfw you’re in despair

ALL OF THESE TEARS

Assassiiiiiiiin

I am living for these comments and I would have killed to see the comments for the Chapter 5 trial - hell, the Chapter 4 trial. that’s what let’s plays and YT comments are for I suppose -

tbh I think if that one that keeps lusting after Shuichi comes to help we’re going to need a restraining order

o

o-oh?!

AAAAAAH

NO DON’T

MAKE ME FIGHT HIM

MY ACTUAL SOUL BRO

is............... Is that -

Clair de Lune playing......?!

[sleepymarmot]

MEA liveblog #4

Spoilers!

Voeld

Why am I asking a person I've never met before about "Ice talkers" which I've never heard before but she apparently has mentioned?

Okay, I took two steps back and the banter that mentions the ice talkers triggered.

Don't you love the conversation angles where the person talking to your hero is not in the frame at all?

Liam: "Seriously, Ryder, you didn't bring any music?" Ryder: "I swear, I will turn this car around" Um? Why is she snapping so viciously? There's absolutely no reason, it was very jarring. Is it because I almost never use casual options?

Vetra and Liam are so chatty?? I don't think I've ever heard a single conversation from Peebee and Liam on Havarl, but these two talk regularly.

Will I have to kill people over these whales? :/

Bought a weapon for the first time -- the Isharay, because everyone's praising it.

Damn, Isharay really does feel nice!!

After like an hour of driving, climbing and fighting, I finally found the kett base and established a forward station near it.

Well the kett base was ridiculously easy as a vanguard... I had much more difficult fights on the way here!! Is this really all?

A Dhan? Nice, I've been meaning to try it out.

I really don't understand what and where I'm supposed to find in this base...

Of course I had to climb the mountain on foot and deplete all of my life support just in time to reach the kett camp and be shot down.

For fuck's sake, they respawned in the lower base I just cleared. Well at least I'll get extra xp?

Why is the UI so dumb? I have my three powers and profile active; I assign them to a favorite slot; the powers are saved but the profile is empty, when I go to the profile screen it's unchecked, I have to re-check it and assign the favorite again.

Finally, another forward station!

Gosh, this entire questline is so dull and frustrating. I only do it because people asked. (And because I want 100%.)

Holy shit, a kett carfalon! I gotta go back to the forward station and equip it immediately.

And here's the medicine cache I've been searching!!

The carfalon has higher base damage than the omniblade, but feels weaker/slower.

Dancing among enemies with full shield and health is fun. Not as fluid and quick as the ME3 novaguard though, but everything has a downside.

Just as I said that, got shot down and now I have to redo the last five minutes.

Charge to restore shields + melee to restore heath is great

Look game, I know I'm strong, but why don't you let me fucking save. It's been like 15 minutes!

OH SHIT AN ASCENDANT

PLEASE DONT KILL ME NOW!!!!!

Where's the elevator?? Do I have to defeat the Prefect to get to it?

Turned the difficulty down to easy to kill him. I've had enough.

Oh god, I can save! It's over!!

Shout out to that person who wrote somewhere either on BSN or Reddit that the kett corfalan restores health on hit. I literally owe them my Ryder's life.

I'm level 21 now btw, thanks to all this fighting.

This wasn't enjoyable, Bioware. This was frustrating and dull and then frustrating and stressful. I'm getting off this goddamn planet. Oh wait, gotta do Cora and Peebee's quests, too.

"You made it look so easy" IT WASN'T, BELIEVE ME.

No you know what, I'll at least go back to the Tempest and buy some consumables. I used my last shield right before the Prefect appeared.

Tempest

Aw, Peebee and Lexi!

Oh, a strike team brought me a Disciple! And a Reegar! And a Sandstorm, whatever that is. Btw I don't see that last thing in my inventory -- does that mean all rewards that go over the limit are lost? Wait, there's no Reegar too. The inventory officially crossed the line from Evil to Irredeemably Evil. :(

Voeld

It looks like the quality of planets goes downhill with every new one. Eos was intriguing. Havarl was a bit too DAI-like, but still had the original spirit of exploration. Voeld is just a brutal grind.

Oh shit, that's Peebee's LM! Looks like an ordinary Remnant site, so it's probably safe to do something here without triggering the entire mission. I was trying to avoid it, but it's right in the way to the ancient city, and obviously I can't not take her there.

BTW I'm really tired of bringing Jaal everywhere just because it's all about his people.

Is it my imagination, or did my adept profile dodge become faster after I reached a new level of this profile?

Stop! Telling! Me! About! Temperature!

I know it's cold, SAM. Tell it to the designers who make Peebee run around in -40C wearing one layer of clothing with a belly window.

Of course I can't save again. But now the game finally autosaved, so I can call it a day.

Wait, I'm not getting this choice. So the AI wants to die? And she holds the angara hostage so that I'd kill it? And if I kill the AI the hostage will be free? And both will get what they want -- AI wants to die and the man wants to live? If so, that seems like a vastly better option.

Alright, tried the other option. The AI kills the hostage, Ryder makes a renegade speech. Peebee disapproves because the AI is untrustworthy and the Nexus already distrusts AI in general. Jaal approves -- for some reason through a radio despite standing right here. The AI asks to work with SAM instead of the angara, and you can make a choice. So this is a more interesting decision for the story... But it doesn't feel right. For my pure paragon character, at least.

Yay, a forward station! I think I have all of them unlocked now. It's time for The Only Fetch Quest That Matters aka dad's memories.

And an outpost! I feel really productive. "They invited us here," though? When?? But at least I had the option to talk about cooperation with the angara. Also Addison's textures glitched like hell here.

Shit, shouldn't have talked to the outpost leader, she acts like it's been a month and gives me a rescue mission immediately. But I could say that I was surprised that the Angara had let us put an outpost here. You and me, Ryder...

Aw, the name of the outpost is "Forward together" in shelesh(?)! She made a nice speech here.

Okay, I'm going to just pretend all of the outpost stuff takes place in the future. I'll go to Cora's LM and then proceed with the main story.

Cora why do you have a boring fetch quest for a LM?

Wait, the Perifona is only one ship, right? Not the entire asari arc?

Ah, okay, it's a scout ship.

This was one of the few instances I chose all casual options and they were fine. Ryder sounds realistically upset. Usually casual options are awkward unfunny jokes...

And finally, I'm free to move on!!!

Tempest

Flirted with Peebee, not the biggest fan of the acting but w/e

Whoa, I have two cryo pod points!! Bonus xp and caches on maps, here we go. It's funny that my pacifistic nerd has most points poured into military and none in science.

"But we are outsiders"

Liam, you're a sweetheart, but please get dressed

Redid the conversation with Vetra without the flirting. First, unless Peebee suddenly makes me hate her, then I'm romancing her; second, Vetra is a great person with great looks, but she's such a Mom Friend(tm).

Hold on, I've already asked Jaal all these questions, why are they not greyed out??

Why is "I wasn't close to my father" on the left and "I'm sorry, I lost my father too" on the right?

Why is Jaal speaking so slowly

Whoa, Voeld is 71% already? And I haven't even touched the monoliths!

Aya

Alright, I'm going to headcanon that establising the Voeld outpost happens after this scene. Now that would make a lot of sense!

Why did Ryder fricking yell at this person for being "hearless" when he asked if the supplies are safe?? I'm too lazy to reload, but it was stupid. 

Aya feels really peaceful.

It sounds like the same actress voices half of the NPCs in this game and DAI. I constantly get a feeling I'm still in the Hinterlands...

Vanadium is too expensive to buy... I get shield boosters every time I see them, though.

It's a good idea to let me have an opinion on the exaltation, but it's hard to predict from the wheel what these opinions really are. And the emotional one is kinda stupid. The kett weaponise their victims to make you hesitate? Nobody knew that until last week! (As implausible as that is.)

The sound quality in this location is pretty terrible. Different layers of sound don't blend together but abruptly switch on an off as I walk around.

For fuck's sake. Tried "friendship" option with Jaal again, and it was actually flirting again. What's the fucking point???

Logical: "The more we know about kett, the easier it will be to hurt them" Uh, nope. Let's go with my heart this time. Though I don't want to hear another stupid "Oh no, how shocking and horrible", it'd be still more in character.

"City planners don't walk around in battle armor with rifles on their shoulder" Thank you! Though it would work better in a conversation where I'm actually wearing armor...

"We traveled to build a new life here" "That's what invaders always say"

Casual Ryder asks Cora for advice for living among aliens, her answer: "Be polite about scanning your food"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but this isn't your only city, right" BHAHAHA BEST LINE IN THE GAME

"I noticed that you, Efra and Jaal all speak with different accents" Well I didn't...

Ryder, you already know angara have big families, why do you sound so surprised?

What the fuck, did I just hit on the governor? I thought it was another question!!!

A task to relay letters from angara to the Nexus sounded nice already. I thought it'd be just a fetch quest and didn't expect to see actual letters! It's a very effective way to represent a realistic range of opinions. More than I expected from the game. And I have to choose whether to edit them or not! That's original. I don't understand how exactly I'm supposed to edit them -- tried in an alternate save, and nothing new happened.

Oh look, I discovered a new spot on the way to the terminal! Which I guess is the main purpose of this quest, except I only talked to the governor after exploring almost everything else. It's nice that the game helps you explore and force you to read the codex.

Alright, I think I've done everything here, let's proceed. Who do I take with Peebee? Let's take Vetra.

Oh, it's not a mission? Just a cutscene with me and Moshae? Alright.

I don't like where this is going. So now instead of exploring I'll have to build an army to take the Meridian? How boring.

And the codex says that this makes the mission more urgent... ugh.

Wait, the Archont wants to destroy all non-kett life in the cluster? I thought his goal was to improve the kett by assimilating others...

So that's what I need on Kadara.

I still find the angara pretty dull, but as a hub Aya is very well built.

Tempest/Aya/Tempest

Gil's poker notes! :D

Peebee and Vetra are standing next to each other: :) They're not talking: :(

I just left Aya and wanted to go to the Nexus, but w/e, if Liam wants I'll pretend we haven't taken off and go meet him in that bar. Again.

Lexi... has eyebrows?

Tann appreciated the uncensored letters! See, he's good.

Sorry Kallo, but talking about "respect" is pretty dumb in this situation

Got a Hornet as a strike team reward. 

I don't get it. How is scanning food is going to help us grow it? Liam says he "stopped the operation" but he not only continues it himself but makes me do it -- for no reason? What the hell was that.

It gets worse. He gave out some classified and Nexus data?? In exchange for fixing something? What. the. fuck.

Liam's LM

I had to make that Star Wars reference, of course.

The bad guy apparently plays threatening music over the comms in-universe lol

Of course Ryder had to make a joke with Liam! She is a kid like him after all. And Vetra was like "I wish I could punch both of you"

The designers sure had fun with vertical mobility huh :D

Wait, it's been on easy all this time? Since when? I only noticed when an armored target went down too fast...

Had to melee the Hydras. Thanks to the MP community for explaining that they don't have a sync-kill...

Bradley & co are so competent!

"What's he complaining about? Put him right side up, didn't we?"

Oh fuck, a fiend! Good thing I have a flamethrower, and brought incendiary ammo.

Look, a hacking objective. Had an extraction on Voeld, now this. I hope we won't have to do the new ABC upload at some point...

"We need to bring everyone back home safely" vs "We need her to saty while we replace the codes" um, both?

I picked the latter. Liam got mad. Um, why? I'm not trying to blame Verand, it's just a safety precaution. I used the interrupt. Then, to soften the blow, told him he was right. He was so shocked! :D And the line was pretty nice too, not "I take everything back, I'll kiss everyone's ass to get their approval" but "We're in over our heads"

Good mission! Very cinematic, nice humor. I don't get Liam's logic at all very often (and now am relieved I didn't go for the romance) but he had some nice warm character moments here. 

The next step in Liam's story is to do Jaal's mission! I'm loving this. Just before thiggering this conversation I overheard the two of them and thought how nicely their friendship is established. But this level of connection between companions is completely new!

Tempest

Before the game's release, people were talking about Kallo as a young person. I didn't expect him to have such an old man story.

Why doesn't the ship's database have its own schematics in the first place?!

"Just think: while we're poking around in kett's genetics, they're probably doing the same with ours" "Wonderful. That's me never sleeping again"

I've complained about the galaxy map, a lot of people did, but let's take a moment to appreciate the fact that we don't have to spend fuel!

Nexus

"Lexi: Bottom of the Bottle" Hmm, I wonder where I could find her... :D

This woman is worried whether we should welcome angara as if it weren't us who are alien visitors here... Good thing I had the option to tell her exactly that! Even though it wasn't labeled clearly enough.

I had a feeling when I saw the name of Lexi's quest that Peebee's bullying got to her!

"Every one of my exes said that"

Whoa, the game rememebered that I flirted with her! That's a nice bit of continuity. "Yes! I mean no! Don't change the subject!" Btw "Don't change the subject" not only works here emotionally, but is also a smooth way to bring you back from an investigation dialogue option to the main conversation.

All casual options with Gil hell yeah

I refused to cheat initially. Then did it in another save. Ryder comment on Jill changes! And when she wins we get all four options. Seems like only one of them confesses to cheating. I picked that one. Hmm, not sure which one I like better... Btw it's really nice how Ryder replies to SAM but makes it sound she's replying to Gil.

Oh, Peebee's in the starting area too? I was expecting to search for her everywhere...

Aaaand I got stuck in some plant. Reload!

Whoa! So that's how Remnant VI is unlocked!! That's so cool. I sort of assumed I'd just pick it up somewhere. Now I've got to learn it!!! Using a power personally designed by your crush for you is amazing!!

What is this Leliana-Marjolain shit

At least she has a classic asari face texture :D

The translations are getting weirder and weirder. "Glad to see you moving on" -> "Glad to see you move to a new place"

Oh, it's even unlocked by default! Nice!

And now I'm finally free to deal with my own personal story! Btw I didn't realize until this second, but it's great that in this game the protagonist *has* their own personal quest. 

Let me guess, Alex's "fix" will backfire and kill Ellen faster?

"My education on human mortality began that day" -- the translators misread "mortality" as "morality"!! Argh!

Recordings of a quarian historian and the Shadow Broker!

I have two unlocked memories today (from Havarl and Voeld). There's only one remaining. It makes me sad... Does this mean that after Kadara we'll move onto the endgame already?

Family flashback!! There's no reason to have this specific memory blocked, it doesn't reveal anything, and it kind of restricts roleplaying possibilities... But it was amazing to see everyone in a cinematic! And the Ryders were very defined characters already anyway.

Oh, so this doesn't count for unlocking dad's restricted logs! This is good news.

I knew the spoiler that the attempted murderer goes back to cryo... I won't call a suicidal guy a coward.

Tann: "Stay away from Kadara. I cannot stress this enough" Ryder: "Lol"

Don't spring life-and-death decisions on me like that! Told the turian to stay on the Nexus just to be safe. Though this might mean he'll be killed when trouble inevitably comes here...

Baby krogan engineer Kesh!! How cute.

You know what I don't like? When the game greys out the questions I've already asked before, but have new answers now. Like when you talk to SAM about the unlocked memories, or to Addison about viability. Meanwhile, Peebee's "Flirting" is still open...

Oh, there's a viability chart in Pathfinder HQ! There's one more planet after Kadara. This is a bit spoilery if you ask me.

Aw, poor Tann is out of his depth!

Alright, I think I've done everything here.

"Our leaders have discussed whether we should send colonists there" FUCK NO!!! Are you serious?? Angara themselves have to rotate because that one planet can't support them all at once, and you're talking about burdening it with aliens?? You know, I like being a hero in this game just to prevent bullshit like this!!

Tempest

Peebee... I've already met you in Aya museum...

Multiplayer

I lost connection to a session so hard it threw me out of multiplayer into the starting screen...

Extracted from a Bronze Apex mission with bonus to combos as an asari adept. Everyone else played ranged characters and stayed close together on a roof or something -- sorry I ran off and died several times, I need to be in melee range!

Wait, it's not marked as completed -- what?

This mission has a bonus to explosions, and I still can't kill a mook 

This game on wave 3 is already longer than the previous game on 6...

God, this was the laggies, glitchiest match ever. 20+ minutes Powers took a second to process. Couldn't refresh shield in cover or use ops packs. I got shot down on 00:00. And nothing registered: APEX mission not completed, no credits, no xp.

Nobody joined my own lobby, let's try again

Finally! A normal full extraction, and mission finally complete. But when I tried to disable a device I couldn't progress more than halfway

I increased the range of Annihilation, but can't feel or see the change :(

[titoslondon-blog]

New Post has been published on Titos London

#Blog New Post has been published on http://www.titoslondon.com/askhermore-to-zac-posen-gowns-galore-instyles-a-z-of-awards-season/

#AskHerMore, To Zac Posen Gowns Galore - InStyle’s A-Z Of Awards Season

A is for…#AskHerMore

A is all about the feminist #AskHerMore red carpet movement. Pioneered by Reese Witherspoon and Amy Poehler in 2015, it’s all about changing the way media (that's us too) talks to women and encouraging them to ask better questions than just ‘'Who are you wearing?'. Because quelle surprise women have views on politics and current events as well. B is for…Bliiiiiing

And a whole lot of it. From the now infamous $2.5 million 115-carat Lorraine Schwartz emerald drop earrings that Angelina sashayed down the Oscars 2009 red carpet wearing, to Cate Blanchett’s Chopard earrings, bracelet and ring combo that cost a whopping $18 million, when it comes to standing out at an awards ceremony, it’s all about the bling. The winner of our Ultimate Bling Award? Elizabeth Taylor, obvs. The queen of more is more, Taylor’s then husband Richard Burton bought her a 69.42 carat diamond ring for $1 million but, as Elizabeth puts it, ‘Even for me it was too big. So we had Cartier design a necklace.’ Well, as we always say, when your diamond’s too big to wear as a ring, whack it on a pendant and wear it to the 1970 Academy Awards around your neck instead. Understated, who?

C is for…Charlize Theron

Who knew that Charlize Theron was such a babe? Well, we did. An epic actress (she won an Oscar for her terrifying role in Monster), a style chameleon and repping on the red carpet for taller ladies everywhere, Charlize is the ultimate awards badass and we’re obsessed.

D is for…Diversity

With Meryl Streep’s Golden Globes speech addressing immigration straight on, and the 2017 Oscar nominations finally making progress against #oscarssowhite with a black actor being nominated in all four acting categories for the first time EVER, the awards diversity drought is officially over. Hooray!

E is for…EE Rising Star Award

Arguably the most exciting award of the year (because it involves majorly hyped new talent like Ruth Negga and Tom Holland aka Spiderman) the BAFTA EE Rising Star Award is so snazzy we throw a party for it every year. Check the deets HERE.

F is for…Fancy Dress

Bjork’s swan moment, Cher’s 1986 ‘Mohawk year’ and Rihanna’s Britney-meets-Egyptian bejewelled bodystocking – yup, when it comes to red carpet dressing there’s always one that takes it to that bit too far to the realms of fancy dress. And we look forward to that one every year, natch.

G is for…Gaga

When she’s not being carried along the red carpet in an egg, wearing yesterday’s beef tartare as a dress or performing an epic ode to David Bowie with glam rock costume changes to match, Lady Gaga’s generally stealing the limelight at any and every awards show. Case in point: accepting her 2011 MTV awards in character as her male alter ego Jo Calderone. Lady Gaga going method? Groundbreaking.

H is for…Hosts (The Weird, The Wonderful And The Awkward)

The fun part about awards shows? They inevitably have to be hosted by two celebrities that would never normally talk to each other but now have to share a stage and present funny quips and bits for hours on end. A recipe for success, non? Well, if you’re hilarious comedians and besties Amy Poehler and Tina Fey presenting the 2015 Golden Globes, then yes. But if you’re Anne Hathaway attempting to present the 2011 Oscars with a possibly stoned but either way totally out of it James Franco, then alas, no.

I is for…Insta Madness

If only Bradley's arm was longer. Best photo ever. #oscars pic.twitter.com/C9U5NOtGap

— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) 3 March 2014

If you didn’t see THAT group selfie at the 2014 Oscars, then what hole were you living in? Ellen’s celebrity studded Hollywood selfie broke the internet and started a new A-list obsession with Instagram. Just try and get through awards season without liking Chrissy Teigen’s adorable backstage pics with John Legend or Lily Collins asking your opinion on what Zuhair Murad gown she should choose. It’s all about the BTS (that’s behind-the-scenes) pics babe.

via GIPHY

J is for…Jennifer Lawrence Falling Over

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Doing a damn good impression of a weeble, Jennifer Lawrence can’t help falling head over heels for awards shows, literally. Tripping over her massive Dior gown on the way to receive her Best Actress Oscar back in 2013, J-Law’s tumble was surely the most Tweeted about awards moment that year. That, and her tripping over a cone. And every other time she’s totally stacked it. Jennifer, we salute your ability to power through embarrassment.

K is for…Kisses

Remember that time Angelina Jolie said she was ’so in love’ with her brother before kissing him smack on the lips at the 2000 Oscars? Well, we do. And tbh, it’s still weird. Between that and John Travolta’s surprise attack on Scarlett Johansson, awards season always seems to bring out the awkward affectionate sides of celebs (and their siblings).

L is for…Loser Face

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Some people can nail the perfect Joey from Friends gracious loser face, and others…well they don’t keep it together so well. Take Samuel L Jackson who, when losing the 1995 Best Supporting Actor Oscar to Martin Landau, could be see mouthing ‘Oh shit’ on screen. Or when Kanye, in true Kanye fashion, took things one step further by crashing Taylor Swfit’s VMA award win to defend losing nominee Beyonce’s honour thus beginning an A-list feud of epic proportions. A polite clap would have been fine.

M is for…Meryl Streep

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Officially the most nominated person EVER. That is all.

N is for…Novel Adaptations We’ve Never Read

Let’s face it, every year there’s a bazillion films nominated that are actually super intellectual novel adaptations that we’ll pretend to our ridiculously informed and cultural friends we’ve totally read but in reality we’ve just watched the movie and googled some original quotes. Soz, not soz.

O is for…Opening Numbers

Hugh Jackman’s adorable, if slightly awkward, dance number with Anne Hathaway at the 2009 Oscars, Andrew Rannell’s all singing, all dancing rendition of ‘I Believe’ from The Book Of Mormon at the 2011 Tony Awards and Neil Patrick Harris’ arguably best ever Tony Awards performance in 2013 are just a few of the awards show opening numbers to go down in history for the right reasons. We won’t mention the wrong ones.

P is for…Poor Leo

2017 aka the year Leonardo Di Caprio finally won an oscar. It’s fair to say a few people may have given up on it ever happening, including Leo himself. #poorleo.

A photo posted by Angel (@bri6427) on

Jun 30, 2016 at 8:40pm PDT

Q is for…Queen Bey

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If anyone else can announce their pregnancy on stage at the Grammys and bring a tear to our eye quite like Queen Bey we’ll eat our jauntily tipped purple fedora Destiny’s Child style. Lest we forget THAT game-changing Country Music Awards performance of Daddy Lessons with Dixie Chicks that we’ve listened to like 300 times. Ok fine, 500.

R is for…Red Carpet Hype

Fact – you can’t have an awards show without a red carpet, but where did it even come from? Why not a blue carpet? First thunk up by LA showman Sid Graumman in 1922, the red carpet made its debut at the first ever Hollywood premiere, Robin Hood, but didn’t make an appearance at the Oscars until 1961 when film enthusiasts watching on tv couldn’t even tell it was red because of the black and white picture. The epitome of you had to be there.

Fun fact – the carpet outside the Dolby Theatre where the Oscars are held is 500 ft long. Incidentally, just enough room for Jennifer Lawrence to fall over in.

S is for…Speech Cock Ups And General Weirdness

Part two of the awkward hosting section of our A-Z, it’s not an awards season if someone doesn’t mess up an acceptance speech, mispronounce a celeb’s name or send a worthy cause to accept the award on their behalf. Check out Miley Cyrus sending a young homeless dude called Jesse Helt to pick up her 2014 MTV Award (which he’s appaz now auctioning off, that’s gratitude for you), John Travolta classically messing up Idina Menzel’s name and Tom Hiddleston, god bless him, attempting to tell an inspirational anecdote and totally missing the mark. Oscar fails are our fave.

T is for…The Leg

Need we say more? Winning our award for best dressed at the 2012 Oscars, Angelina Jolie’s right leg made such a statement it even had its own Twitter account.

U is for…Ugly Crying

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Yes, it’s an emotional time for everyone, but there’s some that handle the sitch better than others. Gwyneth Paltrow was not one of them. We won’t even mention Halle Berry. Let’s just say we’d give them the Oscar for ugly crying.

V is for…Valentino

That iconic black and white dress Julia Roberts wore to win her Oscar back in 2001 that you always remember every time the Oscars rolls round again? It was Valentino. Cate Blanchett’s timeless one-shouldered yellow dress she wore for her 2005 Best Supporting Actress Oscar win? Yup, Valentino.Scarlett Johansson’s seriously major red dress that put her on the map? You guessed it, Valentino. When it comes to dressing like a winner (or dressing a winner, should we say), Valentino have got it down.

W is for…Wardrobe Malfunctions

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From Chrissy Teigen’s NSFW leg split to Geri Halliwell’s 1997 Brit Awards boob slip, a well-placed (pardon the pun) wardrobe malfunction gets you more column inches than actually winning an award. Our fave? J-Law’s gravity-defying dress tear that magically reattaches itself almost instantly. We geuinely don't know what happened there.

X is for…Exes

There’s nothing better than proving how totally fine you are about an overly publicised breakup by revenge winning an award literally in front of your ex. On the other hand, bumping into an ex on the red carpet isn’t exactly ideal. Oh Hollywood, you’re so small and incestuous and adorable. Brad and Angelina, we wish you good luck.

Y is for…Yellow

Black is so blah. If you want to make a statement on the red carpet it’s all about wearing yellow. Take notes from Reese Witherspoon’s post-Ryan Philippe break up LYD (little yellow dress) and Rachel from Friends fringe that was TOO good or Michelle Williams winning at life in a yellow custom Vera Wang dress that we’ve basically never got over. Nabbing the canary yellow torch and carrying it into 2017, Emma Stone’s red hair, pink lips, yellow dress combo is so chic it’s insane.

Z is for…Zac Posen

Bringing an air of mid-century couture to the often pedestrian fashion proceedings, you can bet your money on Zac Posen dressing the most dramatic, and high fashion celebrity on the red carpet. Noteworthy moment – Christina Hendricks wearing the widest emerald green skirt you ever did see before whipping it off to reveal a fitted mermaid tail gown underneath. And our girl crush hit new heights.