#show me what’s in Hannibal’s etsy cart you cowards

[im-fairly-whitty]

Realistic!Hannibal Lector the murder artist:

- making a 3am run to Walmart to see if they have a specific gauge of wire because hobby lobby and Home Depot are closed and he ran out in the middle of a murder tableau

- having to rewind an obscure DIY YouTube video for the umpteenth time to try and learn an obscure practical art skill on the fly because the janitor is due to discover this crime scene in forty minutes and he forgot to brush up on rope pulley installing before hand and this drywall is not going to be able to support a full grown man if he does it wrong

- postponing a murder until spring because no you literally cannot buy that specific kind of perfectly symbolic plant for your murder shrine for love nor money in the middle of November so stop harassing all the poor florists online for it

- yes he has favorite weapons but he also has a favorite set of needle nose pliers he lovingly keeps strapped to his ankle at all times

- leaving the finished scene then coming back to fiddle with one last detail before leaving again. Then coming back to fiddle with one more detail. Okay just one more detail. Okay just one more more detail-

- sulking that the impulsive rush job tableau he spent forty minutes on has gotten tons more press and chatter and fame than the one he spent weeks planning.

- often invents reasons to murder just so he can try out a new niche interest he found on Pinterest because where else is he going to get to try this new origami/Shibari/hat making/basket weaving trick, clearly an entire new project is the only way.

- has so many Pinterest boards. Like SO many. Only actually uses like 3% of his pins.

- has had to call off a killing last minute because the fedex estimated shipping date for that specific crafting material was inaccurate. (He kills the fedex man not the person he purchased it from because he supports small businesses and understands they have no control over those kinds of things.)

- has drawers and drawers of twine and wire and types of glues and tools ect that he keeps acquiring that he swears he’ll need someday and can’t quite bring himself to throw away.

- the majority of the injuries he sustains are not from psychopath knife fights but from having to haul massive equipment and pieces into place all by himself in tiny windows of time. He’s jacked because of hauling corpses and trees and massive sheets of glass and power tools in the dead of night without making a sound, not from actual murders or anything.

- is constantly trying to figure out a way to hire art students to assist in set ups that wouldn’t necessitate additional murder cleanup after. There was one time he came across and recruited a group of eight stage crew theatre majors getting high on a campus once and they were delightfully helpful in rigging a five corpse sculpture they had no memory of in the morning but recreating that kind of safe help is ultimately more work and risk than its worth.