#sick of her double standards and her control issues and having a worsening eating disorder because even though I know what I'm doing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

david-watts · 11 months

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gonna get screamed at for wanting to eat again :) like ok if I make myself a sandwich like I want to. I will be in massive amounts of trouble for using the fresh bread since well that's the only bread available aside from english muffins which I don't want to use because I actually respect the fact my m*ther bought those for herself and she rarely gets to eat most of them when she does that. I will also probably get called a pig. but if I make myself something else I will get in trouble because 'you ate such a big meal for lunch' and get called a pig again. literally cannot win

#sick of her double standards and her control issues and having a worsening eating disorder because even though I know what I'm doing #I get yelled at and it's like fucking water torture #she's just angry and snapping at us all the time now #is it because I've been sick the past week? the fact that she wants something done but literally hasn't told us what?#I'm never going to be fucking good enough and hey I don't want to be. but in order to not live in a total nightmare all the time #I have to be #and well I can't be. because there's so many fucking double standards and I get called a pig for eating a serving of soup #because it has meat and veggies in it. meanwhile the woman calling me that eats a sandwich a bowl of soup #and like two pieces of cake for the same meal.#like yeah. I know it looks like a lot. but 1. a dietician approved it and 2. it's gonna look like a lot because it isn't just broth #I had a dream last night where I slashed my arms up real good. why'd I ever stop doing it on the regular #I know why (blade got confiscated and then lost) but starting again feels pathetic

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