#siebrendekuiperxreader

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Professor (Sigma x Reader) Chapter 4

Triggers include:

Past abuse/mention of rape, smoking/vaping, suicidal thoughts

A week had passed since that day. You and Professor de Kuiper - er - Siebren, had grown closer. He always made sure you were okay, "accidentally" forgetting to give you an assignment or two in that time. It helped take your stress away, and you sure as hell felt a lot better than before, but you knew it wasn't over. After all, your dad still lingered in your mind.

Your mind always went back to the first incident. You didn't know it was abuse at the time though. It wasn't until you entered middle school that you realized something was wrong. You thought everyone else was dragged around their house by their hair. You thought everyone had a paddle on the wall in case they were bad. You thought everyone had to throw away or burn every drawing they made and every coloring book they owned when they didn't get perfect scores on their school work. It was all you knew, dating as far back as kindergarten. At least that's what you remember.

"Are you certain? I can bring you back something."

Why was he so damn nice to you?

"No thanks professor. I know I don't eat a lot but if I force myself to, I'll get sick." You had to force a smile. "I'd rather focus on saving enough money for a dorm. Winter will be hectic otherwise."

Siebren sighed, slightly frustrated, but he understood. "Alright (y/n). Stay safe." He then headed out to the parking lot to drive off campus for lunch.

You headed for your car. You spent a lot of time there. It was very comforting in there, especially when you were at a low. Like right now. Sure, it felt good to get stuff off your chest about your dad, but you didn't get it all out. There was so much you still needed to tell him. God why did you want to tell your professor everything? Why couldn't you just talk to the damn counselor? It's not like Siebren was able to help you. He barely knew anything about the human mind!

You grabbed your vape from the center console, taking a puff and letting the smoke fill the air around you. You hated this habit of yours, but you couldn't help it. You didn't know how else to escape. Drugs were definitely a no. Alcohol...Well, that was for the very low times. The moments you wanted to forget the next day. Smoking was what you had found useful, but you went through cigarettes so quickly and they were getting more and more expensive. Vaping. That was your comfort now.

"God dammit..." You mumbled to yourself. "Why won't you just go away?"

More smoke filled the air, and your lungs. You wanted out of this all. You'd considered this multiple times before, but right now, it was so strong. Nicotine was killing you slowly but you wanted that death to come sooner. You wanted it now. You wanted the pain to go away. You wanted the world to disappear with your memories.

More smoke.

The tears came back. Not nearly as bad as last week, but by God's name they were bad. Your body began to shake. His voice appeared in your mind. The same words over and over again. I would never hurt you baby girl. You just have to listen and do what I say. If you don't, you'll wish you were dead. And you always listened to him. You God forsaken abusive father. The only male figure in your life from the moment your mother passed until..well...until you met Siebren. Your father made sure you never had or came into contact with a male teacher. He wanted no one else to top him. He only wanted you to know him and love, no, worship him. He'd do everything he could to make it happen.

"Go away..."

That night was one you would never forget. You thought you were free. You weren't. In school, you had met a boy. He was nice to you. Nicer than your father had been. At least you thought. You gave him all your love, eventually letting his existence known in front of your dad. The rage you saw...You'll never get over that. The breaking of the bottle on your head. The feeling of the belt against your face and body. The reopening of wounds. You remember it all. But above all, you remember the gun. That gun was your savior and nightmare. You never thought you'd be held at gunpoint by your own father. Yet you had been. And when he pulled the trigger...

Your hand moved to your neck, a visible scar where the bullet had sliced you open.

That same gun is what killed your father. After shooting you, he turned the gun to himself, sticking it in his mouth and pulling the trigger without hesitation. You regret crying so much over him, but he was all you knew. You were lucky your boyfriend had been planning to sneak in the house. He was the one who found the both of you. He was the reason you were alive today. You wish he hadn't come. You went to live with him when you got out of the hospital. He was worse than your dad. The countless times you were beaten by him because you wouldn't strip. The endless pain you felt as he strapped you down on the bed, your lower half bleeding from the forced penetration. 

You were only seventeen when all that happened. One day, you were watching your dad die, the next, being raped by the man you thought loved you.

You didn't realize how bad you'd been shaking until now. You couldn't even keep your vape steady enough in your hands to keep it in your mouth. Why? Why did this have to happen to you? Why couldn't you just move on?

Bzzz bzzz

You looked down to your phone, which was on the seat beside you. A caller ID was on your screen. One you were all too familiar with. You didn't dare ignore it, immediately picking up the phone and answering.

"Hi love." You cringed at how good you were at hiding your emotions from him.

"Hi baby girl. Just really missing the sound of your voice. God I wish I could just pin you to the wall and shove my di-"

"Yeah-yeah. I know." You really didn't want to hear that right now. "I miss you too. Can't wait to come home."

"You better be here for Christmas break or I'll make your ass light up, you hear?"

You gripped your baggy sweatpants to keep yourself from letting it all out. You wanted out of this. You wanted to just say it was over and move on. But you couldn't leave. You couldn't bear to see him accept the same fate your father had. 

What is wrong with me?

"Yes sir. I will be at your house, ready to do as you wish."

"That's my girl. Now, can you video call? I need to see you naked so I can relieve myself of a little scratch~"

You gulped and looked at the time. "S-Sorry but the bell is going to ring in less than thirty seconds. Tonight for sure, okay? I'll do whatever you want me to."

He chuckled over the phone. "You better get ready then."

And he hung up.

That was it. You didn't want to do this. You couldn't. But you couldn't leave. God why?

"Why me?"

You looked to your phone, scrolling through your contacts. Maybe he could help. He had to be able to, right? He helped you before. I mean, he doesn't know everything but he knows enough.

You stopped on the contact "Professor de Kuiper" and tapped it. The options popped up. Call, message, video call. God did you really want to do this. He didn't even know about Derek or your father killing himself. He only knew the pain you endured growing up. The things you were forced to do. You couldn't keep this to yourself though. You only had one more quarter before break and you wanted nothing more than to stay here. You wanted to feel safe. You wanted to stay with Siebren...

"Hello? Is everything alright?"

You hadn't realized you pressed the call option.

"O-oh, um, yeah...Sorry..C-can we talk soon?" Your emotions were slipping. It was painfully obvious something was wrong.

"Of course. I'll see you in my office during your study time." He sounded relieved. Had he wanted you to talk to him?

"Thank you...I-I have to go...I'll s..see you then..." You then hung up, not giving him time to talk. You had to tell him everything...You needed to feel his arms around you again...You needed him.

_______________

"Then stay with me."

Those words played over and over again in your mind.

You had told him everything that had happened in your car. The thoughts that flowed through your mind, your father killing himself, the rape and abuse from your current boyfriend, the trapped feeling you felt, and the fear. God you emphasized your fear. You almost felt bad telling Siebren. He's probably never seen anyone so afraid in his life.

You did feel his embrace. It's where you were now, and where you had been when he offered to let you stay with him for the break. Yes, he really did say that.

"I know it is unprofessional of me, but I do fear for you. I fear if you leave, you may not come back in one piece."

You just nodded, face pressed against his chest. You could feel his chest rising and falling with each breath. You could hear each breath too. And his heartbeat. It had increased a bit since you had told him everything. Was it because he was fearful?

"I-I know...I really w...I want to..." You couldn't help the hiccups at this point. "I feel s-safe..."

"I know. Just breathe. Like we've been practicing."

You nodded and did your beast to steady your breathing. In your nose, out your mouth. You would think, after nearly five years of taking psychology classes, that you'd be better at calming yourself. Guess not.

"I'll make sure he doesn't get you. Okay?" He shifted to look down at you. "Don't answer next time he calls. If he threatens you, tell me. I'll take care of it."

You nodded, tightening your grip on Siebren. You felt him begin to rub your back in an attempt to comfort you. It worked to an extent, but nothing major. It was enough to allow control over your emotions again. You didn't know why he, of all people, was so helpful, nor did you know why he was so eager to help and comfort you, but you loved it. You loved feeling this safe. You'd never felt so safe.

"You mentioned saving for a dorm earlier today. Do you not have a place to stay on campus?" He suddenly asked.

You shook your head. "I live in my car. Jane lets me go to her dorm to shower and what not whenever I feel dirty but, that's the closest it gets for me. Being a waitress doesn't get me very far but no one else will hire me."

He let out a frustrated sigh before speaking. "I have a guest bedroom you could stay in until you save enough money. It's getting rather chilly and I don't wish to see you getting sick, especially if your car is the only place you can rest."

Why are you so nice to me?

"Oh, um, thank you professor...I appreciate it."

You didn't show it at all, but you were beyond excited. A warm house, a bed, food that wasn't three days old. It was a luxury on your part.

The bell then rang. 

You looked up at your professor, a small smile on your face. You were relieved. Someone cared about you. Someone genuinely cared about you. With a bit of effort, you got up, grabbing your things as your professor began to gather his own things. You walked to the door, opening it and stepping about halfway out before stopping. 

"Thank you so much Siebren. I hope I can repay you someday." You happily told him before finally leaving.

Had you stayed just a second more, you would have seen his face turn a little pink.