#since we are keeping the angsty parts for later discussion – the comical parts are so freakin' epic HAHAHA

[perhaps-in-anotherdream]

[CN] Victor x MC – S2 CH 46 (Eng Translation - Part 1)

“All I know is that I really want to see her.”

“The moment I heard him speak, I felt as if a soft voice in my mind was whispering to me, reassuring me that it was okay not to be so strong right now.”

⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for a chapter that is yet to be released on the global server. ⌚

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[Notes from Anika]: I’m currently working on adding subtitles to the chapter, so I’ll save myself the hassle of adding many sprites, and probably will be skipping on adding notes for voice acting too, otherwise I’d have to do it for every line he says ahah-  ಥ﹏ಥ

—

【CH 45-1, Victor part】

[Note]: The first part is the continuation of S2 CH 42-15, where it was shown that Victor and Kiro had met up in Paris. Another important segment of Victor’s “taking care of everything” before the inevitable happened. (TдT)

—

Half a month ago, in Paris.

The patter of raindrops falls rhythmically on the glass windows, accompanied by the melodious tune from the vinyl record.

As if treading on the beats, the door of the room is pushed open. A dazzling blond figure appears at the entrance.

Kiro’s gaze sweeps over the figures in the shadows of the room before finally landing straight on Victor, who is sitting in the center.

Kiro: The BOSS specially arranged a meeting with me at a secret location in Paris. So, I guess there must be an important matter to discuss.

As Kiro speaks, he walks directly to the seat opposite Victor and sits down, slightly raising his chin.

Kiro: Well, let’s begin.

Victor: I only have one thing to announce.

Victor’s gaze briefly intersects with Kiro’s, but soon shifts towards the figures in the dark corners.

Victor: Starting today, he will be the new BOSS of BS.

Victor’s deep voice resonates throughout the room, eliciting a collective gasp of astonishment.

The conference room lapses into a deathly silence, and no one utters a word. The bewildered and uncertain gazes of those lurking in the shadows silently exchange their thoughts.

Even in Kiro’s own eyes, a subtle hint of being astounded passes by, almost imperceptible.

But he quickly suppresses it, as if entering a state, and immediately displays a smile that says, “as expected.”

Hades: Since when did a test subject become worthy of being the BOSS?

Hades’s voice breaks the silence. He is the first to step out of the shadows, confronting Victor and Kiro directly.

Hades: Such a loser has no right to dictate and interfere with us.

Kiro: …

Kiro lifts his eyes, and within his radiant golden eyes, a smile filled with arrogance can be seen.

Kiro: Regarding this matter, you have no authority to intervene.

—

[Note]: From here onwards, we’re back to the present day, i.e., following the days after S2 CH 44~ do note that it’s been 15 days since the lantern festival of CH 44, but when MC says “two months” later, she is referring to all the events that took place before, minus the moments spent with Victor (TдT)

—

The early morning sunlight spills onto the desk covered with scattered documents.

Since Chen Hui was taken away by the city hall, the investigation has temporarily reached a conclusion. The company’s files and materials that were previously seized are gradually being returned.

However, following this, there has been an overwhelming influx of various government approvals and media interview articles.

The consecutive and complex tasks for over two months have been suffocating, leaving me gasping for air. I can only find small moments to do ordinary work in between and relieve stress.

I shake my hands vigorously as I prepare to submit the proposal to LFG, sighing subconsciously.

Anna: Haven’t all the issues been resolved? Why are you still heaving deep sighs?

MC: There are still so many formalities to be completed; just the thought of it gives me a headache.

MC: Luckily, all the relevant documents for the redevelopment plan have been retrieved, so it won’t affect the subsequent regular work.

MC: The several projects that were temporarily put on hold during the investigation can now be resumed. Anna, I appreciate your hard work in following up on them.

Anna: Don’t worry, I’ll take care of these things. And as for you, have you forgotten about the medical check-up again?

It’s only when Anna mentions it that I remember. The company’s annual medical examination deadline is approaching, and we’ve recently organized a round of group check-ups for everyone.

I didn’t participate in the medical check-up at that time because I was busy with the Chen Hui issue. After returning from the Lantern Festival, I remained holed up in the office dealing with various matters, and now the time has flown by.

Lantern Festival… as the two words inadvertently pop into my head, a series of gentle waves spreads in my heart. I don’t know why, but I have a feeling that I’ve forgotten something very important.

Anna: What’s on your mind, MC? Remember to make an appointment.

MC: …hmm, okay. I promise to go for the medical check-up once I’m done with my tasks! Right now, I’m heading to LFG for a routine report.

Anna: Isn’t the routine report to LFG always sent electronically?

I look at Anna in puzzlement, only to see an even more bewildered look on her face.

MC: Electronically?

I’m stumped momentarily, feeling like something has fleetingly passed through my mind, but I can’t grab hold of it.

Yeah, that’s right. Of course! It has always been the practice to submit electronic documents. How could I even forget about this?

Ever since receiving investment from LFG, all the major decisions have been conducted through online communication, with e-mail approvals, and the number of actual visits to LFG in person has been few and far between.

A familiar sense of dissonance suddenly surges within me, as if a vital part has been wiped away from my life in a mere moment, leaving no trace behind.

Perhaps noticing my unsettling expression, Anna pats me on the shoulder.

Anna: I told you that you’re too tired. Go back early today and get some rest.

I nod my head and sit back down in my seat, then proceed to open the emails on my desktop.

Indeed, the email contains the routine report for LFG, and reviewing the email history, I can see that it has always been sent as electronic manuscripts to LFG in the past.

Could it be that the delay has caused a memory bias? I shake my head. After briefly checking the document, I click the “send” button.

With the end of the workday drawing near, I set aside the lingering unsettling feeling for now and prepare to go home early and rest.

—

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—

【CH 46-1, Victor part】

As is usual LOL, through various twists and turns, following the events of the prev. CH, MC finds herself being engulfed by a strong force and ends up in the familiar white desert—

The event MC gets flashbacks of is the white desert scene of S2 CH 37 and meeting a Victor with no memories. But since Victor is erased from everyone’s memories now, the details are blurred for MC even though she desperately tries to recall~ (TдT)

—

MC: This place…

Before my eyes stretches an endless expanse of pure white desert, blending seamlessly with the distant horizon.

Waves of heat surge towards me, causing a thin sheen of sweat to form on my forehead, unbeknownst to me.

A sense of déjà vu at the sight makes me freeze in place––

I have been here before.

I feel as if a comet is reversing above my head, taking me back to that chaotic and disorderly space-time overlap incident.

Back then, after Shaw and I mistakenly stepped on that glowing boundary line, I inexplicably found myself falling into this eerie white desert.

MC: That’s right… I had walked here for a long time…

MC: And then, I… huh?

How did I eventually return to Loveland City?

?? (little boy, in flashback): Don’t waste your breath.

?? (little boy, in flashback): You had just fallen into a disordered space. If it weren’t for the CORE on you, I wouldn’t have been able to locate you among countless intricate dimensions.

Ah, yes. Afterward, I was taken out of the desert by that mysterious person from the Black Cabin.

MC: …no, that’s not right.

As if to deny my own memories, I practically cry out.

MC: [yelling]  NO!!

Before returning to Loveland City, I had clearly met someone in this desert.

Furthermore, that person should be someone really important to me.

Swirling in the rising heat, a blurry figure emerges in the distant horizon, but it only manifests for a mere second before abruptly dissipating.

It feels as though both the blazing sun and the illusion are jeering at me. If that person is so important to me, why is my memory failing me?

Lost in thought, I stand amidst the deadly silence of the sand dunes, the grains beneath my feet slowly swallowing my ankles, as if quietly trying to drag me into the sea of sand.

—

MC wearily walks through the desert, trying to find a way out. Finally, she finds a totem, and upon touching it, she is taken out of this dimension and into ruins, where she meets Shaw cue. Shaw’s part in the update~

—

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—

【CH 46-8】

[Anika’s Notes]: One thing I want to mention before starting, throughout the entire chapter, Victor is referred as “男人” (man) while his character is defined as “Others,” unlike how his name would’ve been shown as 李泽言  (Li Zeyan) had this whole oblivion thing not happened. I’ve already wailed over it in my twitter thread, so not gonna do that again LOL. I will, however, write his name as “Man (Victor).” Otherwise, I don’t think I’ll be able to do this shit–– （ ꐦꉺωꉺ)つ)`Д˚)꘎༄ؘ 

—

After parting ways with Shaw, and in the plane on her way to Loveland City—

 —

After being away for two days, the unread messages and e-mails have piled up like a mountain. As I quickly scroll down with my finger, I happen to tap on a message that has already been read.

“——Hello, Miss MC. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to attend tonight’s networking event. I will be at the venue on the cruise ship, and I sincerely look forward to your presence…”

I blink my eyes, and then it dawns on me that a few days ago, I did receive an invitation from a business partner.

MC: Oh, yes! I almost forgot about this... Luckily, I can still make it in time.

After confirming the time for the evening cruise event, I quickly respond to several messages from my business partners. It’s only after hearing the broadcast reminder to turn off the devices that I finally put my phone down.

The past few days have been filled with such diverse and bizarre experiences that when I close my eyes, images of what I saw in the ruins flash through my mind.

Who exactly was that blurry figure? Why were there so many identical figures around that person?

And what is the connection between those overlapping points of light and the heart of the world...

Lost in my thoughts, I unconsciously sketch out that pattern in my mind. Inexplicably, a familiar warmth gradually begins to well up within me.

Unwittingly, my palm curls up, and a sudden surge of power sweeps over me. Before I can even react, everything before my eyes starts spinning.

The soft seat behind me abruptly vanishes, leaving me without anything to lean on. Caught off guard, I take a few steps back.

Suddenly, my feet sink into softness, as if I have stepped onto a sandy terrain.

MC: Why am I here again––?!

Unlike the calm and tranquil white desert from before, the quicksand this time is exceptionally swift and violent. Before I can even let out a cry of alarm, it engulfs my calves.

I quickly lift my leg, attempting to free my feet from the quicksand. However, with the slightest movement, my body begins to uncontrollably sink further. In a matter of seconds, it has already reached my knees.

MC: …I’m done for!

The image of being swallowed by the quicksand races through my mind, and I instinctively struggle, but the sinking speed only accelerates.

?? (Victor): Stop flailing about.

In the next second, a deep voice suddenly reaches my ears.

I restrain my instinct to struggle and cease my movements, listening as the voice resounds once again.

?? (Victor): Now, lie down on your back and keep your body flat.

MC: …b-but I’ll end up sinking if I do that!

?? (Victor): If you continue like this, you will only sink faster.

The other party’s voice is not sharp, yet it inexplicably makes one want to have faith in the person.

Gritting my teeth, I fight back my fear and gradually lay down in the quicksand behind me. The warm grains of sand slowly surge up, almost drowning my ears, until they finally come to a halt.

Just as I breathe a sigh of relief and try to clearly see the source of the voice, the surroundings are suddenly engulfed in a swirling sandstorm.

The moment I try to speak, dust fills my mouth, making it difficult to breathe. I struggle to lower my head and suddenly feel a strong hand gripping my wrist.

?? (Victor): [incomparably anxious]  Hold on to me tightly!

Even though I can’t see the other person’s face clearly, I instinctively hold onto his hand, reminiscent of clinging to the last piece of driftwood, and slowly shift my body.

The wind and sand brush against my face, leaving a sensation of pain akin to being cut by a sharp blade, which only intensifies the anguish in my heart.

If this continues, we will both be swallowed by the quicksand. What else can we possibly do…

As I struggle, the power within me seems to respond to my will to survive, burning fervidly in my chest.

It seems to have an impact as the surrounding sandstorm abruptly weakens a little. The hand gripping mine exerts a sudden force, pulling me out of the whirlpool in an instant.

I fall to my knees in exhaustion and apply all my strength to get back on my feet, only to find that my hands and legs have gone limp.

I can only gasp for breath, allowing uncontrollable tears to roll down my eyes. It takes me a while before I lift my head in lingering apprehension.

MC: [crying]  Th-thank you… 

Through the blur of tears, I find myself looking into a pair of ink-black eyes.

The sound of the wind brushes past my ears, but it grows distant and muffled.

I stare at the person in front of me in a daze, and my heart suddenly skips a beat.

His dark-colored coat is stained with dirt and dust smudges, yet his figure remains upright and composed.

His thin lips are slightly pursed, seemingly due to dryness, making them appear even paler in contrast.

Peering through his slightly disheveled bangs, he gazes at me with gentle and serene eyes. For some unknown reason, unfamiliar emotions of aching sorrow suddenly surge within me.

I tightly squeeze my palm in a somewhat wretched manner, fearing that if I wait for a second longer, tears will gush out of my eyes beyond my control.

Why does my heart suddenly feel as if it has lost a vital part, so empty that it makes me unable to breathe?

I have obviously never seen this man in front of me before, yet I feel as if I’ve sketched his features in my mind countless times over, and every subtle change in his expression tugs at my emotions.

MC: [sobbing]  Why do I…

I restrain the urge that arises from an unknown source, attempting to calm my breathing. Yet, the man seems to sense my gaffe.

He furrows his brows slightly and takes half a step forward, speaking in a hushed tone.

Man (Victor): [THE TONE OF TRADEMARK “VICTOR-TENDERNESS”]  Are you okay?

I open my lips, but the words “I’m fine” or “It’s okay” feel so heavy that they are choked up in my throat.

I gaze into those deep eyes, and the world before me slowly becomes blurry. The determination I’ve been obstinately holding on to seems to crumble bit by bit.

…the moment I heard him speak, I felt as if a soft voice in my mind was whispering to me, reassuring me that it was okay not to be so strong right now.

Finally, I can’t hold back anymore and grasp onto his lapel, allowing burning tears to stream down unbridled.

MC: [sobbing]  …I’m sorry. I-I might have been too scared… just give me a moment to calm down…

I struggle to explain, my words coming out in fragments, and I can sense the man’s body stiffening for a moment.

However, he stands silently in his spot, not uttering a word, allowing me to tightly hold onto his clothes as I sob.

The surroundings are quiet, with only my sobbing echoing in the gentle breeze. In the distance, the faint image of tall buildings seems to appear, only to quickly vanish into the heat waves.

Once my emotions have settled to some extent, I awkwardly loosen my grip on his clothes and nod incoherently.

MC: Thank you. I… I’m sorry about earlier.

Perhaps because I myself don’t know how to explain, in the end, I don’t say anything at all.

The man doesn’t ask me any questions, but his gaze lingers briefly on my dusty face, and his brows seem to slightly furrow.

With a belated realization, I wipe away the tear stains on my face and voice the question in my mind.

MC: Were you also accidentally sucked into this disordered space?

The man averts his gaze and speaks with an indifferent expression.

Man (Victor): I don’t know what you’re talking about.

—

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—

【CH 46-9】

The unexpected response leaves me momentarily stunned.

For a moment, I’m unsure if the person doesn’t understand what I mean or if there is some other reason, so I tentatively try to ask once again.

MC: How did you end up here?

Man (Victor): I don’t know.

MC: …?

Hearing one perfunctory answer after another, I can’t help but feel a little frustrated. However, upon reflecting for a moment, I quickly find solace.

After all, considering that we are in a space filled with unknowns and mysteries, it’s only natural to be on guard.

Moreover... I don’t have much knowledge about this place either. Perhaps this mysterious man hasn’t entered here accidentally to begin with.

The immediate priority is to get out of here as soon as possible.

With that thought in mind, I discreetly clench my fist, trying to tap into the power of CORE. However, nothing happens.

MC: Why is this happening again… oh, right, the totem!

A sudden realization strikes me, and I promptly scan the surroundings, trying to find the stone totem I had encountered earlier. But then, I hear the deep voice of the man beside me.

Man (Victor): We should go.

MC: Go? Where are we going?

Man (Victor): …I don’t know.

His perplexing response continues to baffle me, but as I watch the man’s figure gradually fade into the distance, I hesitate for a moment before ultimately deciding to chase and catch up with him.

Since he was willing to risk his life to save me just now, it’s unlikely that he would have any ill intentions toward me.

Whether he is an ordinary solemn man who got trapped here like me or a mysterious being from another dimension, two people teaming up have a better chance of finding a way out of here.

Seemingly hearing my footsteps, the man glances at me calmly but doesn’t say anything.

I clear my throat and strike up a conversation with him, trying to sound natural while maintaining moderate proximity between us.

MC: Um... I’m not really familiar with this place. Would you mind showing me the way a little longer?

MC: But I don’t quite understand. If you don’t know where we are headed, what’s the point of moving forward now?

The man’s eyes flicker for a moment as he glances slightly behind me, lifting his chin.

Man (Victor): In order to not be caught up.

MC: ...Is there something behind us?

The specious words cause a cold sweat to creep up my back. I turn my gaze in the direction he gestures, only to be greeted with an endless expanse of white sand.

But there seems to be some kind of movement not far away.

My eyes widen as I finally see a gigantic vortex that has materialized in the desert at some point, slowly spinning and extending towards our direction.

MC: What is that?

Man (Victor): Time. If we stop, we will be swallowed up before long.

As if to validate his words, the vortex continues to expand without a moment’s pause. Subconsciously, these words escape my lips.

MC: Are we really going to keep racing against it indefinitely? Until when do we have to keep moving?

Man (Victor): I don’t know––

Seemingly catching a glimpse of my wordless expression from the corner of his eye, his tone falters.

Man (Victor): But time won’t stop. So we must keep moving forward.

His resolute tone sounds as if he is stating some kind of conclusion, which only adds to my bewilderment. But I instinctively follow in his footsteps.

Why does he know all this? Who is he exactly? And why does he keep answering my questions selectively?

I surreptitiously turn my head and gaze at his profile under the scorching sun. A peculiar premonition starts to emerge within me.

He might be the key to my escape from this place.

MC: Hey! Stop for a moment!

The man glances at me with a hint of confusion but still stops in his tracks.

MC: If we keep walking, we’ll exhaust our energy sooner or later. I know a potential solution that might help us find a way out of here.

MC: Let’s go find a stone totem together!

I squat down as I speak and begin to draw earnestly on the sandy surface.

—

[Tidbits]: it’s a nod to the orphanage escape incident of S2, where kid MC did the same thing, drawing the map on the ground to explain the route to kid Victor~ 🥺

—

MC: I’ve accidentally entered this space once before, and at that time, I happened to touch a stone totem. It transported me out of here.

MC: It probably looks like this, with snake or gear patterns on top, in a very quaint style...

I point to the diagram I’ve drawn, explaining the details. But as I lift my head to look at the man, my voice suddenly trails off.

A faint outline emerges on the distant horizon, causing my eyes to widen slightly. In a somewhat incoherent manner, I point towards the distance.

MC: The city I was transported to had buildings with a similar style… perhaps the totem is somewhere nearby!

I spring up impatiently. The man stares into the distance for a moment and then silently keeps pace with me.

However, despite scaling a sand dune, the distance between us and the city remains unchanged.

MC: Strange… why can’t we seem to get any closer?

Man (Victor): That’s a mirage.

Man (Victor): This desert projects one’s innermost longing. But the manifestation is transient, and it eventually fades away.

As if in response to his words, the distant outline begins to blur, reminiscent of a drop of water spreading across a picture scroll.

MC: …why didn’t you tell me earlier?

Man (Victor): There was no need for it.

Man (Victor): As time goes on and you keep on walking, moving forward also becomes an increasing consumption of willpower.

Man (Victor): Being able to see hallucinations at this moment is something that can be considered a blessing.

I instinctively want to refute it. But the moment our eyes interlock, the words get stuck in my throat.

He isn’t teasing me. He genuinely feels that I actually need such a fantasy right now.

MC: You sound like you don’t like seeing hallucinations…

Man (Victor): [voice trailing off]  Whether I like it or not is irrelevant. If it can be a source of support for you in the desert, then it’s a good thing.

The man’s tone when he says this doesn’t sound as indifferent as before. Perhaps, within his emotions that have been weathered by the wind and sand, there still lurks a glimmer of hope?

The way I’m trying to get out of here now, has he tried the same methods too?

The moment I realize this, I feel that all my previous dissatisfaction with his attitude vanishes into thin air, and that it even surges a resonance from the depths of my heart that I’m unable to understand.

As if sensing my abrupt silence, the man’s tone softens a little.

Man (Victor): ...I haven’t seen the totem you mentioned, but I have come across some other fragments in the sand dunes.

Man (Victor): Nothing happened when I touched them, though. So I kept thinking that I couldn’t leave this place.

Man (Victor): But…

The man pauses.

Man (Victor): Now I feel like perhaps you will be able to do it.

I didn’t expect this person, who seemed to have an indifferent attitude so far, to say such words. I can’t help but be frozen in surprise.

As the man observes my bewildered expression, for reasons unknown, a subtle smile tugs at the corners of his otherwise stoic lips.

Man (Victor): [laughs softly]  So, come on. Let’s continue looking for that thing you mentioned.

The sun relentlessly shines down, and every grain of sand beneath our feet reflects a blinding white light that makes one’s head spin.

I don’t know how long we’ve been walking, but suddenly my legs give in, and I hear the man speak just at that moment.

Man (Victor): Let’s take a break for a while.

MC: But the vortex behind us––

Man (Victor): It’s still some distance away from us. We can resume our journey before it catches up.

Heaving a sigh of relief, I follow him to a massive sand dune and flop down beside him. I feel an aching sensation radiating through every bone in my body.

The surroundings are eerily quiet. In the vast sea of sand, we are but two insignificant grains of sand that can be scattered with a single breath.

MC: By the way, I don’t know what to call you. I’m MC. What’s your name?

MC: You’re not going to tell me again that you don’t know, are you?

The man remains silent for a while, his eyelashes casting a faint shadow.

Man (Victor): [sighs helplessly]  …I really don’t know.

Man (Victor): I have no idea about my own identity or why I ended up here.

Man (Victor): I don’t remember anything from the past.

I’m slightly startled, recalling the cold and indifferent “I don’t know” that I got from him before... So, it turns out that it wasn’t just a perfunctory response?

MC: …so, you don’t know how long you’ve been here either?

He nods and casually picks up a stone lying next to his feet.

Man (Victor): I was already in the desert when I regained consciousness. I don’t remember my past, and have no clarity about the future.

Man (Victor): But I remember that I need to go somewhere… because someone is waiting for me there.

MC: Where is that?

He shakes his head and calmly lowers his gaze, as if what he just said isn’t worth caring about. I, however, can’t help feeling a little distressed.

Even without knowing that so-called destination, he persists in carrying this one and only thought in his heart, continuously traversing through the desert without ever stopping–– for who knows how long.

I don’t know whether to call this person persistent or a dummy.

MC: What did you mean earlier when you said being caught up by time would swallow us?

MC: Also, what you said about the desert reflecting innermost longing… have you seen something in the mirage?

His hand stroking the stone ceases its motion, and he turns his head to look at me.

Man (Victor): Hm? Have you always had so many questions?

MC: I’m just curious... And who knows, maybe as we chat, you might also remember something.

Not sure if he’s been persuaded by my words, but he locks eyes with me for a moment before speaking.

Man (Victor): I don’t remember what will happen if we get caught up… but my subconscious tells me that we mustn’t stop.

Man (Victor): As for the images I saw, I can only remember a blurry figure.

His eyes rest on me as he says this, as if he is gazing upon a hazy memory.

Man (Victor): I can’t recall the details clearly. And even if I could, I don’t think I would remember who the other person was.

Man (Victor): All I know is that I really want to see her.

The surroundings lapse into silence, and for a moment, neither of us speaks. After a while, the man gently tosses the stone from his hand.

Man (Victor): Tell me about yourself.

MC: I… the place where I live is called Loveland City. It’s a place where miracles can happen at any moment.

MC: If you drive along the mountain road to the seaside, you will be treated to beautiful sunsets. The streets and alleys are filled with small hidden stores, and you can find delightful surprises more often than not…

I keep babbling on and on, sharing a range of topics from the smallest and trivial matters of everyday life to various incidents with some details left out.

I’m unsure whether it’s to break the monotony or to persevere with the hope of returning home just a little longer, and a little bit longer.

The man remains completely silent, leaning against the sand dune, his gaze lowered as he looks into the distance. It feels as if he is regarding my outpouring as mere background sound.

Amid the boundless tranquility, weariness begins to creep in, little by little.

My eyelids gradually grow heavy. In a half-asleep and half-awake state, I seem to hear a very soft sigh.

The sound of breathing beside his ears slowly becomes even. The man withdraws his gaze from the distance and lowers his eyes to the person beside him.

She has her eyes closed, her body curled up slightly, appearing somewhat restless. A faint sense of trance flickers in his eyes.

He doesn’t know why, but his emotions are stirred by the presence of this girl, causing ripples within him. And this slight throbbing, it seems like, isn’t the first time.

He presses one hand against his forehead, trying hard to recollect. Some scattered and broken images flash intermittently in the depths of his memory.

Amidst the sandstorm, there appeared to be a blurry figure. He is unable to make out the person’s face clearly, but he remembers that when she disappeared, she desperately yelled out a name to him––

The memories in his mind suddenly become blank, and the man opens his eyes, exhaling slowly.

Reminiscent of water droplets seeping into gravel, traces of those images fade away in an instant. His recollection of these fragments is becoming increasingly challenging to grasp.

A familiar rustling sound transmits to his ears, and he lifts his head toward the source.

The gigantic vortex reveals a glimpse of its presence within the shadows.

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【CH 46-11】

A muffled sound comes from beside my ears, as if something has collapsed with a loud thud. Startled, I’m jolted awake and find myself lying face down on the man’s back.

From behind, deep footprints meander their way, while the sand dune where we were resting earlier is now falling apart in pieces within the vortex.

Despite this, the vortex shows no signs of slowing down, continuing to expand relentlessly without satisfaction.

I draw a soft breath in lingering fear and hear a deep voice coming from beside my ear.

Man (Victor): [the trademark Victor-tenderness]  Awake?

I promptly leap off him and thank him, feeling a little embarrassed.

MC: [blushing]  Thank you. You saved me once again.

The man doesn’t say anything, but I can discern the traces of weariness in his bloodshot eyes.

We got to relax for only a moment as we are just a hair’s breadth away from being engulfed... and how much longer will we have to endure these sleepless and tireless days?

Man (Victor): What are you staring at?

I hurriedly avert my gaze and respond in a low voice.

MC: Nothing. I’m just thinking about how grateful I’m to you for earlier… I’m fully rested now!

MC: Next time, you take a break, and I’ll keep watch. I promise I won’t cause us any delays again!

As I speak with an expression of making a solemn vow, it seems like a faint smile briefly curves at the corners of the man’s lips.

Man (Victor): [chuckles indulgently]  You just focus on taking care of yourself first.

Memories stir up like fleeting ripples, reminiscent of a dragonfly lightly touching the water’s surface. But before I can say anything, the person beside me takes the lead in stepping forward.

After trekking through the blistering waves of heat for a long time, something suddenly catches my eye in the distance. As I approach closer, I can vaguely make out the outline of an arrow. 

I blink and cautiously turn my gaze to him.

MC: Is it the same kind of fragment you’ve seen before? Or is it also a mirage?

Man (Victor): Not sure. Let’s get closer and take a look.

Ten steps, three steps, one step… the arrow still hasn’t vanished. I quickly walk closer, closely examining it.

MC: Although it’s not the totem I’m looking for, it might still be able to take us away from here… want to take a gamble?

The man casts a quick glance at the encroaching vortex.

Man (Victor): Let’s go.

Man (Victor): As long as we’re not staying in this same place, anywhere else is fine.

As the man speaks, he lifts his hand in unison with me, as if by some unspoken agreement.

A familiar power suddenly surges within my body, causing the worn-out arrow feathers to glimmer faintly. In the next moment, a powerful repulsive force swiftly sweeps us up.

—

A faint smell of blood rushes to my nostrils. I open my eyes to a desolate twilight scene, with an immense heap of armor strewn across the barren plain, reflecting in my gaze.

MC: Is this a filming set?

I look around with some surprise and hear the man speak in a contemplative tone.

Man (Victor): It doesn’t seem like an artificial arrangement. Let’s look around first.

I nod and carefully avoid the scattered feathers and arrows as we walk towards the edge together. However, as we continue forward, my puzzlement intensifies more and more, and I can’t help but mutter to myself.

MC: This battlefield feels too real… there isn’t anything like this in Loveland City. It doesn’t even seem like we are in the same era.

Man (Victor): Then perhaps it is real.

Seemingly hearing my fragmented mumblings, the man naturally picks up the conversation. However, a realization suddenly strikes me.

MC: Could it be that the disordered space is connected to other worlds…?

??: Messenger! Why did you leave the military camp and come here?

Before I can finish my sentence, a shout reaches my ears from a distance. I raise my head somewhat and see a troop of soldiers clad in armor waving at me from afar.

An inexpressible sense of familiarity suddenly wells up in my heart. I stop in my tracks and whisper inquisitively to the man next to me, my mind filled with bewilderment.

MC: It’s so weird… why do I feel like I’m really the messenger they’re calling out to? Do you have a similar feeling?

Man (Victor): No. Are you sure it’s not just your imagination?

MC: …but I have a strong sense about it. How about when they get closer, I try talking to them and see what happens?

As we are speaking, the soldiers gradually draw close to us. But before I can even probe, their eyes fall in unison to my side, and they jerk to a halt.

The originally joyful expression on the soldiers’ faces disappears entirely. And in the next second, they swiftly raise their bows and arrows with a numb demeanor.

MC: …!

With no time to react, the man takes my hand and briskly turns, leading me to escape into a deeper part of the jungle.

The sound of arrows whizzing through the air chases closely behind us, reminiscent of intangible shackles. I push aside the branches and leaves obstructing our path and speak as I gasp for breath.

MC: Why would they suddenly turn violent…?

Man (Victor): [in pain and breathless]  Not sure.

The tail notes of his voice seem to be muffled. I turn around and see that the man’s suit has been slashed in several long cuts, with even dark marks seeping into the fabric.

…but how could the branches cause such deep wounds?

I anxiously pull him closer to me, wanting to get a better look at his injuries. But without any warning, a nearby boulder suddenly shakes and tumbles down, catching us off guard.

A cloud of dust and fog billows up as a deep crater is formed where the man has been standing just now. I open my eyes wide and look in the direction from which the boulder has rolled.

MC: Why… did it suddenly come rolling down like that? 

The series of coincidences seem more like some kind of “manipulation.”

The man furrows his brows. It appears that he, too, has sensed something amiss. Without uttering a word, he swiftly pulls me behind a tree, seeking shelter.

The distance between us is suddenly closed, and I can almost smell the scent of blood emanating from his body. I try to suppress my racing heartbeat, listening to the chaotic footsteps echoing through the jungle.

I cautiously peer through the gaps in the branches, and an unexpected figure abruptly enters my line of sight––

That mysterious little boy, attired in an outmoded sweatshirt and oversized beach shorts, blends in among the soldiers chasing us, creating a stark contrast.

Oddly enough, it seems as though the others are completely oblivious to his presence.

Seemingly aware of our gaze, he smiles and lifts his hat in our direction.

Little Boy: How interesting! So, it turns out those exiled by the world would end up in such a wretched state.

What does he mean by that? And why did he appear here?

My heart shudders as I notice that the little boy’s eyes are not directed at me, but rather at the man next to me.

The sudden change in the soldiers’ attitude, the inexplicable assault on him from the surrounding trees… akin to igniting a flint, an unimaginable thought suddenly springs to my mind.

Could the boy be referring to him as the person “exiled by the world”?

Just as I’m about to speak, I hear the deep voice of the person next to me resounding.

Man (Victor): Do you know me?

The little boy just grins, neither confirming nor denying it.

Little Boy: Maybe? If you want to find out, it will depend on how much patience you guys have.

As the little boy speaks, his figure disappears in an instant among the troop. The next second, we hear the shout of a soldier coming from a distance.

Soldier: Over here! Ready your arrows!

The man shifts his gaze away from the spot where the little boy has disappeared, furrowing his brows as he looks down at his feet.

I follow his line of sight, only to find the previously solid and arid ground tremble, suddenly sinking like a swamp, drowning the man’s ankles in a flash.

MC: …what is going on!

Unfathomable events unfold one after another right before our eyes, but before we can even begin to process them, countless arrows are aimed in the man’s direction.

Panicking, I hurriedly rush forward. But the man’s voice stops me in my tracks.

Man (Victor): [THAT PAINED TONE—]  Let’s part ways here.

MC: What?

The man’s voice is very soft but carries an indisputable tone.

Man (Victor): One thing I can be sure of now is that I can’t stay here for long.

Man (Victor): Leave me. It will reduce the dangers for you significantly.

As he speaks with a little more urgency in his tone, an invisible wave of energy ripples through the air, as if trying to forcefully expel him from this world.

As the surging air wave grows increasingly violent, the boulders in the surrounding seem to quake. Realizing that there is no more time for argument, I grit my teeth and lunge myself towards the man.

Before he can react, I instinctively grab his wrist without hesitation.

—

A familiar wave of heat rushes over us, and in the scorching air, there is a hint of dryness, carrying the scent of sand and dust.

Just as expected. We are greeted with the sight of that vast white desert once again. The swirling vortex remains at a distance, separated from us by a sand dune.

MC: Why does it feel like the vortex hasn’t moved?

Man (Victor): It’s time that hasn’t moved.

Seeing my bafflement, the man points towards the direction of the vortex with his finger.

Man (Victor): I have a sense that the time spent in that world won’t impact the time in this desert.

MC: You mean that the time in each world operates independently?

Man (Victor): It’s likely. But the evidence from one world is not enough; we need more…

The man suddenly pauses as if having a lump in his throat, and his brows knit into a frown.

MC: Why did you stop talking?

Man (Victor): …why did you follow me back?

It seems like the man has suddenly realized that his analysis conflicts with his earlier unyielding insistence for us to part ways. He averts his gaze and abruptly changes the subject.

A small chuckle escapes me, feeling a mixture of amusement and dissatisfaction. I pout my lips.

MC: Why do you think? You’re really a dummy.

Man (Victor): …

The man arches the corners of his eyebrows slightly, his expression becoming subtly nuanced. Realizing that my teasing has crossed a boundary, I quickly explain with a serious face.

MC: You yourself mentioned before that when you touched something in the desert, you didn’t receive any response.

MC: So, it’s highly probable that I was the one who brought you into that space just now.

MC: Can we interpret it this way, then? It’s safe to say that without me, you wouldn’t be able to travel to other worlds and would be relentlessly chased by the vortex, so...

Man (Victor): But my predicament has nothing to do with you.

Man (Victor): For you, the world we were in just now was much safer than this desert. It’s not a wise choice to turn back for a stranger.

The man’s words are indeed rational, but why is it making me so infuriated! I pout my lips indignantly.

MC: …I did not turn back for a stranger.

MC: You saved my life twice and took me on walking through this desert for so long. I’m way more familiar with you than I was with that world.

MC: And, by the way, that little boy who was talking to you earlier, I’ve seen him before too.

MC: If we can catch up with him, maybe we’ll be able to find a way to return to our own world!

I continue talking non-stop about all sorts of reasons, but I keep one thing from him––

I don’t know why, but there is a voice in my heart that keeps telling me––

I absolutely cannot leave you behind like this.

As the man listens to my systematic explanation, his expression relaxes slightly.

Man (Victor): [laughs extremely softly]  …indeed. The reasons are quite compelling.

Man (Victor): Let’s go then. Let’s search for the other fragments.

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【CH 46-12】

With our previous experience, this round of search seems to have gone much smoother. After crossing over a dozen sand dunes, a worn-out crown appears before us.

As if by a wordless tacit understanding, the man and I simultaneously put our hands on it again. As the familiar sensation of whirlwind strikes again, we find ourselves in a courtyard.

On the other side of the gauzy curtains, people dressed in gorgeous attires are laughing and frolicking near the fountain. A woman resembling a maid, carrying a wine jug above her head, gracefully approaches us.

The familiarity of the surroundings surges in my heart once more, inexplicably dispelling my nervousness. Just as I’m about to approach and intercept her to ask, my footsteps halt, and I turn around to tear off a corner of the gauzy curtain. 

MC: Though we can’t fully trust what the little boy said, it’d be wise to keep an eye out.

MC: Just in case, let’s cover your face first.

Apparently not expecting my sudden move, the man doesn’t dodge me. He allows me to swiftly cover his face, leaving only a pair of deep eyes that locks gazes with mine through the gauzy veil.

His warm breath brushes against the palm of my hand through the soft fabric, bringing me a slight tickling sensation. Only now do I realize how closely pressed we are, and I belatedly find myself speaking up.

MC: …tie it yourself.

I hand him the sheer fabric, our fingertips parting as soon as they touch.

Man (Victor): [extremely softly]  …alright.

As the man speaks, his fingertips wrap the white fabric around his ear.

I avert my gaze and carefully approach the serving maid from behind the pillars before finally opening my mouth.

MC: Hello, I––

Court Lady: Your Highness?

A brief moment of surprise crosses the other person’s eyes, and she puts down the wine jug to bow to me.

The familiar sense of recognition is reaffirmed once more, and I make a conscious effort to adapt to this implanted sense of identity, tentatively asking my questions.

MC: No need to bow. Have you happened to see a little boy around?

I describe the little boy’s appearance to her, and she seems momentarily taken aback before pointing towards a far-off location.

Court Lady: Yes, I have indeed seen a child like that. He is currently swinging on the swing over there!

Court Lady: It’s strange. I didn’t even feel like he was an unfamiliar face until you mentioned…

The man and I follow the direction pointed out by the serving maid and, sure enough, spot a small figure on the swing. Without any hesitation, we approach him at a brisk pace.

Just as we’re about a step away, the little boy turns his head and shows us a wide grin.

Little Boy: I can’t believe you actually managed to pull him out of that other space again… that’s really amusing.

MC: Hold on! We have something to ask you!

Paying no mind to my words, the little boy leaps off the swing, and his figure disappears in an instant. Suddenly, a subtle air movement stirs up in the previously tranquil courtyard, heading towards us.

The man tries to dodge the airflow by moving to the side, but it eerily follows closely beside him, forcefully lifting the veil that covers his face.

MC: …

Man (Victor): …

Court Lady: There’s an intruder! Guards!!

Several cries of alarm sound near the fountain. In response to the words, an invisible fluctuation ripples out once again.

The man and I lock eyes with each other, tugging helplessly at the corners of our lips. Before the surge of energy sweeps us up, we swiftly clasp each other’s hands.

In the subsequent time, we traverse back and forth between different worlds, relentlessly following the trails of the little boy’s figure.

Driving a severely run-down off-road vehicle, we make a desperate escape through a charging herd of wild animals…

Through an unfortunate turn of events, we find ourselves inside a spaceship, and out of nowhere, the alarm of the malfunctioning AI machinery blares…

Meanwhile, the peculiarly attired little figure remains at a distance that’s neither too far nor too close, observing us mockingly as we struggle.

Following another burst of white light, we find ourselves facing an expansive and deep space, akin to a starry sea, adorned with numerous translucent golden gears floating in the air.

The little boy lifts his head and looks up in quiet contemplation. As we draw closer, he looks at us with a mirthful smile.

Little Boy: Well, really impressive! You two actually managed to chase me this far~

Little Boy: It’s a pity, though. It’s just useless persistence, after all.

Ignoring the ridicule in his tone, I take two steps forward.

MC: Given that you never show up without a reason, I don’t believe this time is an exception.

MC: I’m sure you know how to leave the white desert, do you not?

Little Boy: You’re being so straightforward. But you’re the special one, are you not? Only you know the answer to that question.

Deep in thought, I furrow my brows, while the little boy has already shifted his attention towards the man, speaking with keen interest.

Little Boy: I know what you’re about to ask, but I’m not going to tell you.

Little Boy: Because–– it’s also a punishment.

Little Boy: Oh, right, I almost forgot. You mustn’t take him with you when you leave.

Little Boy: Those who assist in cheating will also face the punishment.

The little boy giggles. His figure gradually fades into transparency, and the familiar ripples of energy emanate once again in the surroundings.

–

After a dizzying spin, the immense desert comes into view again. Under the nearly white daylight, every grain of sand around us radiates a blinding brilliance.

I stagger a few steps and am steadied by a strong arm. Just as I regain my balance, I suddenly notice a plane ticket lying quietly at my feet.

Passenger Name: MC, Destination: Loveland City, Departure Time: 10:45 AM.

Isn’t this my return ticket?

I hesitantly reach out my hand, and a familiar power surges within my body once again. As if sensing something, the plane ticket emits a silver-white glow, even more radiant than before.

MC: …look! This seems to be a fragment for returning to Loveland City! Let’s go together!

A rare expression of hesitation briefly crosses across the man’s face.

Man (Victor): …there’s no need. You heard what he said just now. If you were to be punished…

I swiftly close the distance between us in three steps, clutching onto his sleeve.

MC: I don’t believe we are cheating at all.

MC: The real punishment for me would be if I, despite having the ability to take you with me, leave you behind out of fear of the “so-called” punishment.

MC: So, come with me!

The man’s lips twitch slightly, and he doesn’t pull back his sleeve. A white light envelopes us instantly.

–

“...This flight is now halfway through its journey, and we will soon be serving meals. Please remain seated and patiently wait…”

The sweet-sounding voice over the announcement accompanies the loud humming of the aircraft’s operations as it reaches my ears. Feeling apprehensive, I open my eyes and see the flight attendant approaching our direction with the food cart.

The man sits in the seat next to me, quietly observing the surroundings. The dim light of the cabin is reflected in his deep, dark eyes.

Without giving him a chance to speak, I reflexively grab the magazine on the seat and open it, placing it as a barrier in front of him.

MC: Shh––

I glance in the direction of the flight attendant and quietly caution him. Inadvertently, I catch a glimpse of my phone out of the corner of my eye, and the screen displays the current time.

13:28.

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【CH 46-13】

…when I was swept away by that force, it was exactly this time.

Just as expected, all those immensely long experiences in the disordered spaces seem to condense into a single fleeting moment upon returning to reality.

Before I have a chance to process my thoughts, an amiable voice inquires in my ear.

Flight Attendant: Hello, miss. Today’s set menu offers two options: beef and fish. May I ask which one you would like to choose?

My body tenses up, and I hastily scan my gaze across the man’s figure.

Oh dear, now there’s suddenly someone in the previously empty seat. Even if I cover his face, there’s no way she wouldn’t notice him…

After not receiving a response for a while, a hint of confusion appears on the flight attendant’s face. She lowers her body slightly and speaks in a gentler tone.

Flight Attendant: Miss? Have you made a decision?

MC: …beef, please. Thank you.

Trying to conceal my nervousness, I watch as the flight attendant smiles and hands me a meal tray. Then, she pushes the food cart and heads straight towards the back row.

The man and I share glances with each other before I tentatively call out to her.

MC: Excuse me, could I please have another serving?

The flight attendant looks at me with some bafflement for a moment, but professionally hands me another meal tray before moving away with the food cart. Once she is a bit further, I speak in a low voice.

MC: What just happened? It seems like she can’t see you?

MC: Come to think of it, I haven’t actually confirmed this before, but... are you human?

The man sets aside the magazine from his face and glances at me with a puzzled expression.

Man (Victor): What do you think?

MC: It’s hard to say from my perspective… do you mind if I poke you to find out?

Man (Victor): [sighs LONG AND HARD]  …

The man lets out a sigh, seemingly declining to comment. His expression, however, suggests tacit approval.

I reach out and poke his arm. Hmm, it’s firm;

I then prod his chest. Hmm, I can feel his heartbeat;

I gently touch his cheek again. Hmm, it feels warm as well;

Just as I’m about to feel his hair, the man grabs hold of my fingertips.

Man (Victor): Have you confirmed it now?

—

[Anika’s Reactions]: LMFAAOOO MC!! sorry I had to stop haha. what an innovative way to say you wanna touch his 104 LOL; we see you girl 😆 when you have a life-size full course meal with midnight snacks sitting right next to you, despite the predicament, it is indeed “hard” to control yourself.~ 😂 but also, the fact that she can ask him that so naturally and he just lets her have her way with him like he always has– it simply further seals their “sense of belonging” and that line that no matter what world, they’ll always meet and are destined to be 吸引 (drawn/ attracted) to each other with or without the memories. After all, attraction to another means both emotional and physical, does it not~ ❣️

—

MC: Yes, yes, I have. How do you feel now? Is there anything that feels off to you?

Man (Victor): [GODS THAT PAINED TONE]  Everything seems normal.

Man (Victor): The seat hasn’t collapsed, and the seatbelt hasn’t suddenly tangled around my hands or feet.

MC: You’re right. It’s definitely more welcoming than that spaceship world… now that I think about it, it seems like every world reacts differently to your presence.

MC: On that battlefield, the soldiers were directly on guard to fight you with swords and spears; whereas in the ruins, the dwarves simply kept their distance from you, pointing and whispering among themselves;

MC: Perhaps the inability to see your existence is a manifestation of this world?

The man’s eyebrows furrow slightly, and a hint of contemplation flashes in his eyes. After a moment, he speaks.

Man (Victor): Indeed. Other than that, there doesn’t seem to be a more plausible explanation.

MC: Compared to other worlds, this level of rejection seems relatively mild… it could be a sign that you have a special connection with Loveland City!

Man (Victor): …

MC: Why the speechless face! I���m being serious!

MC: If it’s only to this extent, I think you could totally live here. Who knows, if you stay long enough, this world will eventually embrace you?

Exhilarated, I pick up the spread-open travel magazine and gesture for him to take a look.

MC: Look, this is the seaside sunset I mentioned to you earlier… and here, during the flowering season, it’s also a sight worth visiting!

I describe the charm of Loveland City to him, but suddenly, something crosses my mind.

MC: Since you’re going to live here, you should have a name. Otherwise, it would be inconvenient to address you.

Man (Victor): …? If you’re the only person who can see me, it doesn’t seem to matter much whether I have a name or not.

MC: But selecting a name would also serve as a declaration of the beginning of your new life!

The man and I lock eyes for a moment, but then he shakes his head.

Man (Victor): I don’t have any particular ideas about a name at the moment.

MC: How about I help you in choosing one?

MC: Since we met in the desert… how about the name “Dune”? (*)

Man (Victor): …

MC: Or how about Mr. Handsome? Mr. Benevolent Enigma? (*)

Man (Victor): [much more dots than usual]  …….

Seeing the man’s expression becoming increasingly nuanced, I quickly seal my lips.

In the corner of my eye, I coincidentally happen to glance at a photo of a panda in the magazine. I seem to feel a sudden surge of emotions stirring in my heart, causing me to blurt out without thinking.

MC: How do you feel about the name Vic-Vic? (*)

MC: Just the one to be a good reminder for you to talk more, instead of being like a closed-off person.

The man’s gaze lingers on the photo for a moment, and his expression seems to soften with a touch of tenderness.

Man (Victor): [laughs elatedly, unbeknownst to him]  …childish.

─────

[Notes]: It’s gonna be a big note, and yes, it’s on the names:

– the 1st one MC chose was 沙沙 (shā shā), taking the first character from 沙漠 (shāmò; means desert) and using iterations to make it cutesy. 沙 independently means “sand.” so I’m pretty sure Elex will go for something like Sandy LMAO

– the 2nd one (Mr. Handsome) is the literal translation of 小帅; the 3rd one’s tricky. It’s 沈密仁 (Shen Mi Ren). Here, 沈 (Shen) is a surname; whereas 密 (Mi) means “enigma/ mystery”; and 仁 (Ren) means “benevolence/ kindness.”

– and lastly, it was, as you might’ve already guessed, 言言 (Yan Yan), derived from his original name 李泽言 (Li Zeyan); the same name his mom used to call him, the name of his panda friend, and one of the names the whole fandom calls him affectionately~ 😭  and as for why MC says it’s a good reminder for him to talk more, the term 言 (Yan) independently has the meaning of “word/ to speak/ to talk/ speech”~ ❣️

──────────

CH 46 Part 2: Here!

────────────────────

[spasmsofthought]

fractures. (zuko x reader)

This is totally a free for all because I haven’t read any of the comics or watched Legend of Korra at all. Part 2 maybe, if you all think it’s worth it?? 

Kinda angsty, and mostly political - but y’all, I think Zuko learned how to be a politican as Fire Lord. This is me trying to explore that a little bit. 

Like, comment, reblog! Thank you for your support, as always! xo 

+ + + 

The first time you see him, he is touring the Earth kingdom as the Fire Lord. 

It’s been at least two years since he’s been crowned. It’s been two years since a Fire Nation flag last hung over the arches of every town entrance in the Earth kingdom. It’s been two years since a lot of things. 

Peace is a hard custom to keep when all you have known is war. Peace is a foreign language when all people know how to communicate is its opposite. 

The Fire Nation colonies are no longer known as such. Instead, villages and previous colonies outside of the former Earth Kingdom walls have formed into clans of their own. With the Earth King travelling during the latter part of the war, leadership has been thrown up in the air. There was no one to trust; especially after the Fire Nation invasion of Ba Sing Se. In all the chaos of the war, though, the de facto mantle of leadership among the small number of people in your village fell onto your family. You aren’t aware of the reason why, but being raised in a Fire Nation colony by a mother from the Northern Water Tribe and a father from the edges of the Earth Kingdom makes people feel something like safety in a land subjugated by an unrelenting and ever-growing superpower.

When the crowning of Zuko the Fire Lord happens, with Avatar Aang right by his side, the news spreads rapidly, even across the broken networks of communication established among the clan leaders. But even in the middle of developing a new world, there is still brokenness. There is still pain. There is still suffering. 

The world does not seem to heal the way people want it to: very slowly, in pieces rather than in a whole. There is still prejudice and hatred. Very little is still solved with words. 

It is the first time a foreigner has walked the land your people call home in two years.

It is the first time people see the color red on someone in two years; before, during the Invasion, red was what everyone saw on every passerby. Travel was severely limited and people mostly kept to their homes in fear of what Fire Nation guards would do to them on top of the restrictions and heavily imposed taxes. 

When he is directed to your doorstep by everyone in the village, the only one out of your family able to host him is you. Your father died in a skirmish near Ba Sing Se’s walls on his yearly pilgrimage to trade in a way that would have helped support your village during a time of scarcity two and a half years ago, right before the conquering of Ba Sing Se. Your mother is a figure made up only of stories. A figure who passed soon after your entrance into the world. 

For such an imposing figure, he wears very little ceremonial garb. It seems that he understands there is little need for formal ceremonial clothing in this community of people simply trying to survive in a world clawing back from the brink of total destruction. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” He begins with, bowing with hands formed in a traditional Fire Nation greeting. 

You bow back similarly, using a specific form of ceremonial bow used by formal authority figures here in the Earth Kingdom. Your hands move in a sweeping motion, directing the Fire Lord to a low table in the middle of the small living room your house has. The table settings are sparse and there is no fancy silverware, but there seems to be something in his countenance that relaxes slightly for some reason. 

“Please make yourself at home,” You try to make yourself seem soft. Yielding. Compliant. “Would you like any tea?” 

He nods, holding the simple cup up off the wooden structure slightly as you lift the tea pot and fill it halfway with the steaming liquid. You set it back down and it is then that Zuko surprises you for the first time. He nods his head towards your own cup. There is a pause, your mind trying to process the simple action, before you are moving your cup up off the table as well, watching the jasmine tea slowly fill up space that was previously empty. 

He gestures a toast to you, holding his cup close to yours while nodding, before he takes a sip. Out of respect, you take a swallow as well before you set your cup back down on the small coaster you were told your mother knit while pregnant with you. Blue and green repeat each other in a circular pattern, reminding you of how beautiful the two colors look together. Reminding you of your own roots face-to-face with someone who carries a vast and rich legacy of his own.

“If it’s alright, I would like to skip the formality of small talk and get to the real conversation. What is the purpose of your visit here?” For such an abrupt change in tone, he doesn’t seem surprised. He sets his cup down, too. 

“We would like to begin discussions with your clan about officially coming under the government of the Earth kingdom again.” 

You have to take a deep breath in. 

When you were little, your father always told you tales of his land’s history; of its vastness and proud strength. As you grew older, however, the tales turned into lessons of caution. He taught you to not trust the central government of the Earth kingdom for a reason. A reason you had soon found out had little to do with his own faith in the people he belonged to and more to do with the fact that the governing body had been crumbling for a long time. There had been a reason there was local autonomy among so many cities and villages, especially during the War. Despite the belief shared among many that the Earth kingdom remained a single political entity, the vastness of land kept that belief more of an idea than something that was practically applied. 

“I would love to see the Earth kingdom become the nation it was before the War, but there is a reason my people remain wary of allying ourselves under a central government again. We know about the details of the Coup of Ba Sing Se; we know the corruption that spread vast and wide among politicians, generals, and other administrators.” 

“I have been working with the Earth king very closely these past two years. It is our plan to host a gathering at the palace in Ba Sing Se with all local clan and tribe leaders to truly take your input into account while we finalize the development of the Earth kingdom’s government after this long period of strife. That is why I am here, to formally invite you...” 

You stop him before he can go any further, “Thank you, but my place is with my people.” 

“The Earth king desires that his nation once again be strong and united and at peace once again.” You want to know if he has always been an apt politican, or if this has something he has had to learn in these past two years. You wonder how he mediates both the needs of his own people and those of the world without faltering. 

“My experiences have taught me many lessons, as I am sure yours have taught you specific lessons as well. I have very little trust in a central government that before has previously become so easily fractured by whispers of greed and silent grabs for power, and can become so again.” 

“There are specific checks and balances in place so that never happens again. I have personally seen to these assurances in the formal writing of the government documents that have been extensively drawn up.” 

“How can I even trust you?” 

“I-” His mouth opens but more words from your mouth stop him before he can even begin. So much for being compliant. 

“I know the legacy of your family. I have witnessed the destruction your family has caused on this land; on the entire world. I do not know you personally. I only know that you have come to ask me to join a government I have little interest in letting rule my people once more when I am right here to make sure they are provided for and kept safe. There is very little about the world I can trust right now.” 

You begin to wonder, in the seconds of silence that linger afterward, if you have officially screwed up any chance at the peace people have been so longing for: here and abroad. You want to seem strong, but there always seems to be the chance to second-guess yourself. To back-up and take a new route. 

“I only know what it is like to be a new leader. I cannot offer you trust you are unwilling to take, but I can offer you the assurance that the Earth king, the Avatar and I will do whatever it takes to make sure the world is whole again.” 

You know he means it. Despite the solemnness of his face and his scar as a reminder to you of the stories of his own life that have yet to be told, there is a fire in his amber eyes that contains no violence, only the longing for the same thing you want: peace.

“My uncle would praise your tea-making skills,” A small corner of his mouth lifts up. Your eyes track the movement for a small second before you are staring down at his cup, too. 

“I could give you a bag to take to him to give the next time you see him,” An olive branch, maybe, in light of your previous words. 

War has its own effects on everyone, including yourself. Trusting others has not been a virtue of yours for quite some time. 

“I’m sure he would love that.” It is a brief glimpse into something about himself, you are sure, that he smiles slightly. A genuine smile. Despite the title he holds, there is nothing but humility. You tuck that observation into you heart to ponder on later.

How can the Fire Lord be so at home in this run-down mill of a home? How can he be so comfortable in the presence of a stranger; a stranger who opposes him in his objective to make peace in a way that he seeks but you do not want? 

You find yourself reaching for a stored bag of tea leaves before you can think about it.

As you hold the bag out in the palm of your right hand, your left resting in your lap, his fingers brush yours. He takes the bag and tucks it into what you assume is a pocket on the inside of his simple cloak. The warmth fades as quickly as it came, and for a moment you want to reach out for more of it. 

You stop yourself before you actually do such a ridiculous thing as reach out for the hand of the Fire Lord. 

But the feeling stays with you long after you tentatively promise to keep in touch with him as he graciously exits for the day. It stays with you for a long, long time. 

[bb-8irl]

I can’t believe I’m doing this again. The number of times I try to write out my feelings towards TROS, I always feel like I haven’t worded it properly, or haven’t said what I’ve needed to say. Or that I still have much to say when I’m done. But after seeing this movie three times, with having a week between the second and third I think I’ve got this. Also, I’m naturally optimistic, so this will probably come off more positive than negative, but I have a lot to say so I literally how no clue how this is going to go.

Heads up this is hella long, do bare with me. And I’m sorry I couldn’t figure out how to do the read more thing.

First, what Star Wars means to me.

To some people, it’s just movies, and yes it is. But they are some of my favorites, even though they are imperfect, I fall in love with the idea of a galaxy far far away. They take me to a world that I can escape to. They have given me characters that I adore, many of which I see parts of myself in, while others inspire me. As a kid I never really saw myself as a princess, I loved princess movies but I never felt like I fit in with them. No, I felt like a Jedi, I felt like this was a world I belonged to. I love the movies, the tv shows, comics, and books. Why do I think this is important to share, mainly for perspective and where I come from when I say what I say about TROS. You don’t have to be a life long fan to have an opinion on this, but this is just from a certain point of view. I’m a Reylo, and I’m going to have strong opinions as a SW fan and as a Reylo. Some opinions that you may agree or disagree with. I’m not here to argue. And I’m not here to say someone cannot feel differently towards any of this.

Where to start?

Well point blank, as an overall Star Wars movie what did I think? I don’t hate it, I don’t think it’s perfect and I think there are MANY problems with it and I really don’t wanna give JJ or Chris any credit for anything good that did come from this movie. But I can’t say that it was a horrible movie, I’d being lying if I said I wasn’t entertained. But it wasn’t great, and really missed the target.

So the writing…

Let me say first that I’m not a writer, or at least not professionally, I write for my own enjoyment in my free time. But in terms of the story we were given, it was…well again I didn’t hate it. But especially after thinking about it, and I know I can’t change anything, but I just wish it didn’t feel like the entire story revolves around Palpatine. Now I like the idea of Palpatine coming back, it does make sense since this mother fucker has been stirring the damn pot and has always had his hand in things. And as much as I actually love the opening sequence, I think it would have been more interesting to see in the in at least first act to see how everything for the resistance and first is going before Palpatine makes himself known. But if were gonna just talk about the literal writing, it was fine, especially Carrie’s scenes I think they did well writing them to try and make it fit. Star Wars in general for writing I give some lenience, just cause the writing has never been perfect, it’ll have its moments but not perfect. So yeah that’s where I stand with that.

Now breaking it down. What did I think? What I liked and didn’t like. What I would have done different.

The title scroll…again it just felt very Palpatine centric when I feel like it could have been a little less of him in the start.

Kylo fighting on Mustafar…HOT it’s fucking HOT because he’s HOT and it’s fucking HOT on Mustafar. Now it was after the fact of the first and second time I saw the movie that I found out he was on Mustafar, which makes sense plot wise if you know all the details of why he’s on Mustafar…and maybe I just didn’t identify they planet well and it’s just me who didn’t notice it was Mustafar. (JK it wasn’t just me, I told my roommate and she was pissed that they didn’t give us any helpful clues.) But I feel like that was something that maybe could have used a bit better of an explanation.

Kylo literally not having the time of day to deal with Palpatine. BIG MOOD BRO. And like that’s

He’s done being a puppet, he’s not playing around. And I’m proud of my boy for that. Also just the fact that he’s protective boyfriend literally not having it, there’s literally nothing he can be offered that can sway him from Rey.

It was interesting to kinda get a look at how how connected they are. (Hello force soulmates.) I did like seeing how their their memories really do intertwine into one. But I don’t really give JJ or Chris any of the force bond credit. That’s probably the one good thing they took from what Rian left them with and didn’t have to do a 180 on it. But again the force bond was Rian’s creation, they on expanded on it.

Now I like how Poe and Rey butt heads, it’s honestly how I expected that to go. Meanwhile Finn is in the middle of it, trying to keep his little sister and boyfriend from breaking into a full on MMA fight. Overall the trio was cute, I wouldn’t really change much about it honestly. Though they really gave us barely any Rose action which was sincerely disappointing.

Though it was a small interaction, Kylo and Hux was funny. I truly love how much they hate each other, comedic gold.

Pasana party looks like hoot and half. But they really had her look at a group of kids, and have a conversation about how Rey doesn’t have a last name, and played the whole oh she will get something like this by the end…bruh…it’s fine I’ll discuss that more later.

Rey and Bens first force Skype in TROS. He really said, “Palpatine wants you dead.” As a conversation starter, what a Solo. Anyways their conversation was angsty AF, and I expected nothing less than that. I love when he asks her why she didn’t take his hand she asks back, “You could have killed me. Why didn’t you?” And what I love from that is how she, at least from my perspective, answered his question with that question. Because the answer would be because I care/love you too much to ever hurt you. And I’ll bring this up later, but it kinda foreshadows what Rey tells him later.

He ripped that necklace off. And maybe I should have been offended…but that was…

FINN WAS NOT GOING TO TELL REY HE LOVES HER. I just really needed to say that. Also I know I caught on quicker than most but honestly the minute Finn says “It’s Ren.” My thought process was and I quote. “Mother fucker do you have something you would like to share with the class?” I kinda caught onto the early on that he is force sensitive.

And I’ll cover that topic now real quick. I love Finn, and I honestly am so happy for him. Them making him force sensitive doesn’t bother me, again happy for him. From a writing standpoint though I feel like JJ did that for when people try to say “oh you ruined about how it doesn’t matter where you come from, the force doesn’t care about bloodline.” This is where he points his finger and goes “see, look, we don’t know his bloodline.” And you know I hope that there are better intentions in that, but I wouldn’t be surprised if at least some of the intention was for JJ to try and cover his ass. Regardless I like Finn being force sensitive. But I feel like they were too subtle about to be introducing something like that so late in the game. It kinda just left a lot of people confused.

Also, Poe is a jealous boyfriend…nuff said.

And it was cute how BB-8 kinda had a learning lesson from Rey when she says, “you would have done the same.” When referring to force healing. And then BB-8 kinda uses that concept for D-O when he charges him.

Continuing on to the flip over the tie fighter was epic, shout out to Katie McDonnell who preformed that specific stunt. (I know she’s not the only stunt double, I’m just a fan of Katie, but major props to the whole stunt team.)

Oh and Kylo on Pasana is also…

Also the Chewie fake out I saw coming which kinda ruined anything emotional JJ was trying to pull on me.

Ok now to Kimji stuff.

Zorii is a cool character. I can buy the history the two had. You get a good feel for past chemistry but I like that she actually doesn’t wanna kiss him. Like I will kiss almost anyone (not Jabba the hut) in Star Wars (ok there’s a fair amount I wouldn’t) but Poe is on that list of whom I would kiss. So props to her for being all been there done that. And Babu Frik is precious.

Force Skype number 2. Firstly I‘m happy to hear the words “I never lied to you.” Come out of Kylos mouth. I’ve just always found that very important thing about him is how honest he is to Rey. He’s not a liar, he’s not deceptive, it’s not really in his character to do so, and specially to Rey I don’t think he would ever consider lying to her.

Ok…

The Rey Palpatine situation. I don’t love it but I also don’t hate it…but I don’t like it for sure. I can accept it as canon, but it leaves me with more questions…before I say what I would have done let me just first say this. I have questions on who the fuck did Palpatine fuck. This also just has me questioning the timeline and everything, especially watching it all again. I just started asking where everything falls into the timeline, was he part of raising his son, like there’s a lot of missing pieces, and it kinda just makes me ask why it was it was so important to make her a Palpatine. But like sure if I turn my brain off…ok…Rey is a Palpatine…sure, whatever makes the fanboys shut up on trying to make her a blood related Skywalker. And honestly JJ you don’t get credit for making Anti fanboys shut up. But at least they look EXTRA dumb now when they still try and make her related to Ben.

But ok, now lets really address this. It really was not that necessary to make her Palpatine and sure, yeah it happened. But I really liked the direction Rian was going with in TLJ, that it doesn’t matter who you, that anyone can be force sensitive, that it doesn’t matter where you come from, or who your parentage is, it’s just the matter of the force. What I wish they had went with was this idea that Rey was kinda born for the darkness and Ben for the light, just something very basic. And because they are kinda fighting for the opposite of which the were “created” for it causes a weird shift in the force. It would have fit will with what Rian had already written, explain why Rey is so strong with the force, being Bens equal, and quite literally it would barely change anything that was already there. Literally just changing any lines that involve Rey being Palpatine’s granddaughter. Related or not Palpatine could have known of Rey and was trying to seek here out, her parents wanted to protect leaving her on Jakku, telling Plutt they were selling her for drinking money to make sure there was nothing suspicious going on. Everything happens ala TFA and TLJ, Ben finds out where Rey is suppose to belong in the force, he tells her, she hates it because it’s everything she doesn’t want to be. We get it the ending and Palpatine does the whole kill me and because what you were created to be, Empress of the galaxy and harness all the sith. BOOM. You didn’t have to fuck with her parentage, you didn’t have to try to find loopholes in what Rian gave you. Cause all the shit I just wrote out, I’d believe, I’d that believe more than the whole Palpatine thing.

Hux was the spy…well I knew he was gonna be up to some bullshit but I didn’t expect that. And while I think that was an interesting twist I kinda was hoping with Hux something a little different. Kinda the same concept of “I need Kylo Ren to loose.” I feel like again if we started a bit before the whole Palpatine shit happens, it would have been interesting to see Hux trying to undermine Kylo. I was hoping to have seen Hux die, but I feel like his part was kinda thrown away. Again, there could have been great potential with him trying to “dethrone” Kylo. I never thought Hux as dumb and so it just felt like we missed out on him trying to take the power.

I love Jannah, I think she was a great character for Finn to relate to. But I’m just saying we had a good set up for a Stormtrooper rebellion…just saying that was some missed potential.

The Rey versus Dark!Rey stuff was cool, and I expected it to be something short, but just saying it would have been cool to have seen a bit more of that. AND would have been cool if it were a vision Ben had seen though.

“You can’t go back to her now. Like I can’t.” Oh my sweet baby boy. The crazy thing is too though is that he probably could have gone back, which is something he realizes when Leia reaches out to him not long after. But you know he wants to go back and truly feels helpless and can’t.

Also he crushed the Wayfinder with one hand…

The water fight was pretty epic. I was happy to see specifically in this fight and the final fight later on that they were fighting in a very similar way to the prequel Jedi. Like that shit is epic.

Ok and that moment when he stops himself from striking Rey, knowing that no matter how upset he might be at her, and how upset she is with him he never wants to hurt her.

Also I predicted that Leia’s death would be the starter for Bens redemption, and again I really felt for my baby boy. Also I definitely verbally screamed “No!” When Rey impaled him with his lightsaber.

Rey force healing Ben is a tender moment.

Now I know some people don’t like this, but I understand why Rey says, “I did want to take your hand. Ben’s hand.” And I get it. When we go back to when she asks him why he didn’t kill her it’s that same kinda answer he would give. She cares/loves him to much to see him destroyed. She knows that her following him to the dark side would turn him into something he’s not, and turn her into something she’s not. I know a lot of people find this as her not being able to accept him as Kylo, and I think she accepts him for all that he is, but doesn’t want him to loose who he really is. Because as Kylo has lived a tortured destructive life, and she wants him happy. She already knows the side he doesn’t let anyone but her see, and I think she knows that he would loose that. And then from her perspective for herself, Rey has never wanted power, or the want to rule. When he offered her his hand, and offered her basically everything he could, she never wanted any of that, you see that with Palpatine she’s never wanted to rule. Her saying she wanted Bens hand, it’s her telling him she doesn’t need anything but him for her to be with him and love him. And he’s never had that. With Luke he was the prize student, with Snoke he had to live up to this expectation of being Vader and being told he was never good enough. And Rey is there telling him that Ben is enough. It’s the equivalent of Ben saying, “you’re nothing. You come from nothing. But not to me.” He didn’t care where she came from, he loved her just for her, as she loves him for him.

(Wow that was a lot…but I at least think I finally got that out.)

Moving on.

I was so glad that they basically addressed the Han/Ben scene from TFA. For me it was always easy to see Bens struggle in that moment, I’ve always been empathetic with him cause I think of just about everything he had to do this was the most painful and regretful thing he’s ever done. And having to relive was so heartbreaking, but it important for him and important for the audience as a whole. This whole scene, as painful as it is, is healing. With Rey starting with healing him and his scar to him having to have that memory/conversation with his Father.

And yes I was absolutely broken by “Dad.” “I know”. I was so wrapped up in my emotions it took me the third time to realize that was their I love you.

So Rey going back to Ahch-to, and having her conversation with Luke. And like…again the whole Rey Palpatine thing, again fine it’s canon…this is fine. But this would have been so much less explanation…like I really feel like they made it harder for themselves by making her a Palpatine. But…fine it’s in canon.

Also Leia is a Jedi! Which was already hinted to with Leia training Rey. And Leia is continuously one of my favorite characters…but I never pinned her down to actually go through full on Jedi training. I can believe that she got byLuke but ok no she went all the way. And it’s not out of character for her to just hide something from the family, though this does almost butt heads against canon in terms of Han never even knew she trained…so JJ you kinda made another plot hole…you tried to cover it up, Jedi Leia is a cool concept, and the fact we needed two lightsabers cause someone decided to throw his into the ocean I see why you did it…but bro…she didn’t need be a Jedi to train Rey.

And ok the “some things are stronger than blood.” Which is a great message for her, which I’m just saying could have been used regardless of her parentage. But I digress.

Ok so the Exegol stuff.

Just kinda standard dialogue between Rey and Palps. Again if I could change it, it would really just be her not being his grandfather. The more I think about it the more unnecessary it becomes.

I know some people wanna question how Ben even got to Exegol, that’s honestly a plot hole I don’t mind waiting for the novelization to explain, doesn’t bother me, just thought I’d address it.

And seeing Ben Solo running in with nothing but a blaster in his hand, no plan, just his wife on his mind.

ALSO “ow!” Is the one Ben Solo line we got and it may be the one line…but says so much about Ben Solo.

And man the look that Rey and Ben give each other through the bond, that was the look of love and trust. And when she passes over the lightsaber and Ben freaking goes.

And then he takes on the Knights of Ren…

Oh I should address the Dyad situation. Honestly I’m all for anything that confirms that they are literal soulmates in the force. I mean we all kinda called this happening, now there is a literal name for this.

I will say I loved getting to hear from the Jedi, that was a touching moment, yeah it would have been cool to have actually seen them in force ghost form but that’s me being nit picky. Also would I have loved to have seen it be both Rey and Ben defeat Palpatine, they both have been fucked with by Palpatine. But it doesn’t bother me to see Rey defeat him. It again was just kinda a missed opportunity.

Now watching Ben pull himself from that pit and use every last bit of energy he has to get to Rey, scooping her into his arms, looking around helplessly, and hugging her close. Everyone could literally see the inner monologue he was having and my heart was BREAKING. JJ you don’t they any credit for that, Adam is just wonderful and amazing, and is the only one who deserves credit for that.

He gave her his life. HE FUCKING GAVE HER HIS LIFE!

(Heads up I’m just gonna first talk about from here on till I reach the end before I start talking about changes or things I would have done different…not to mention the thing that really has me upset.)

Now I see the full circle in terms of “finishing what Vader started”, that the whole big reason for Anakin's fall to the dark side was because he wanted to save the person he loved more than anything. So ok I see what you did there JJ, but by no means did that mean that he had to die…but I’m getting ahead of myself.

And can we talk about how Rey looks at him, I really don’t think she realizes what he’s actually done, but she just looks at him with love and adoration oh my fucking heart.

THEY KISS FOLKS REYLO CONFIRMED. They have canonized Reylo…painful as fuck after that so yeah.

And then it happens. Now ok…I have many feelings. But let’s just go with the fact that what’s happened…happened. Fact of the matter is he gave his life to Rey. Now it’s hella romantic, and I do think that if they had tried to kill him any other way I would be fuming (well I kinda am still). But yeah had it been any other way I would have rioted.

And then we get to the ending…celebration is cute. RIP Snap Wexley btw. Then we get to Tatooine. Now it took me a the THIRD time of seeing that movie to actually maybe understand what they were getting at. First two times I was like “really, this is how we end it?” And I’m still saying that, but I understand why she bury’s the lightsabers, it is a sense of closure for the Skywalkers. I’m just gonna assume Tatooine is not a permanent situation…that’s what I would hope at least. And I’m not too mad about her taking the name Skywalker, I guess since she just has to be a Palpatine, I wouldn’t wanna keep the Palpatine name either. And so as far as I know her and Ben are fucking married so let her take on the family name.

Was that ending what I would consider satisfying though? No, not really. Her lightsaber is cool and I’m glad she has one, but not still not satisfied.

Why am I not satisfied you might ask.

Here’s why.

Now if this is me excepting the fact of the matter that Ben is dead. I mainly have a problem with the fact that the ending is almost too vague and gives the audience little to no explanation. Sure I can be left to my assumptions and I’ll get to those, but the majority of the audiences initial interpretation of that ending is, Rey is now going to be just as she started, alone on a desert planet…like bro wtf. This could have been explained so much better, especially the fact that we specifically see Luke and Leia as force ghost. Look I’m gonna assume since I see no ghost Ben is either still with/part of Rey…or because there’s a chance of him coming back. But you could have explained it so much better, and I’m gonna read the novelization with hopes that there is a better explanation. The ending as a whole just felt incomplete, maybe because it was a lack of explanation or maybe something else. But this was suppose to be the end of 9 movies, you can explain yourself a bit more.

Now lemme talk about Bens death. While I would never accept him dying any other way, his death is what I would consider to be unnecessary. And I’m repeating what I said before, but I agree he finished what Vader started, saving the one they love from death, but that doesn’t mean he had to die. Like there’s literally in terms of the plot was no reason for him to die, it doesn’t further anything. Yes Rey is alive, but this is Star Wars all you have to say is “because the force wills it” and that’s all the explanation you would need. Oh Rey and Ben both get to live because the force wills it, because they are Dyad in the force, because they are the balance in the force. Live together, die together. They literally did not say anything about the consequences of force healing, so you literally have freedom to do whatever want. It would not have been impossible for Ben to of had a future, maybe not go to the resistance, but his life, his actual life was just beginning. Since he was in his mother’s womb he was being manipulated by Snoke, his life is turned upside down when his uncle was going to kill him, he runs to the one person he trusts in the galaxy who just so happens to turn out to be his abuser. He gets to be Ben solo for 15 minutes, has literally less than a minute of pure happiness…AND THEN KILL HIM. What’s the point?!?! JJ you literally retconed yourself with the whole die together thing and then kill ONE of them…how do you fuck yourself that badly. IT WAS LITERALLY IN THE SAME SEQUENCE.

And what’s the point of Rey looking at a group of children, probably wondering what it would be like to have a family to then leave her alone like that!

“I always hated that in movies, when you go along and one of the main characters gets killed. It’s a fairytale. You want everybody to live happily ever after and nothing bad happens.” - George fucking Lucas

And yes of course some people will die, it’s a war after all. But when he talks about this journey with a character, it’s not only cliche and over done, it’s just not necessary. Especially when it’s Star Wars a space fairytale where it should end with “and they all lived happily ever after.”

And let me give you perspective from those around me who never shipped Reylo. Firstly a friend who I saw it with my second time around who we’ve talked before about how she’s had in summary said “well I like Kylo more than I like Hux or Snoke.” And her leaving that theatre left her saying “I never realized how much I love Ben Solo.” And then was crushed by the fact that they decided to kill him. Another instance in my step sister who I encouraged to watch Star Wars, though she had no interest, she watched all the movies to humor me. And she knows I ship Reylo, and knows Ben is one of my favorite characters. We saw the movie last night and she, who has no attachment to him at all literally texted me about him dying and said “THAT WAS DEPRESSING” followed it by “I liked it. Like it wasn’t bad. But why did he die. That was totally unnecessary.” And we talked about the ending and how she did perceive Rey as being lonely on Tatooine. And I don’t wanna generalize what the general audiences perception is…but for a lot of people who don’t look too deeply into things, or theorize what things could mean, that’s what they are more than likely going to think.

Anyways, if I had my hands in on this Ben would not be dead. They would kiss, profess each others love. Ben would tell her to go to her friends and to meet him later. Rey would go and celebrate and then tell them she needs to go. She flies the falcon and meets up with Ben, ideally on Naboo. They take the lightsabers Padme’s mausoleum and leave the lightsabers there. Both Ben and Rey rebuild their lightsabers. Bens lightsaber would be white because let’s just say he somehow gets his crystal back and heals it, and Rey’s yellow. It ends with them in the field where Anakin and Padme once were and watch the sunset.

Hm…I don’t know about you but that sounds pretty fucking satisfying.

Now I could get into the fact that I do believe there are deleted scenes, there are different endings and they really thought that was the most satisfying one. And personally I would like to see them, so DFL if you see this, bring it on, you owe us this. That and if you were to give me comics or a novelization of Ben Solo bring brought back to life via world between worlds or whatsoever I will would like that and appreciate it. It’s not like it’s the first time you killed a character and then said “ha you thought they were dead but they’re not.” I just really think Ben deserves more time than what he was given. But I’m not gonna go crazy about how the ending was fucked around with or the alternative ones, I know it’s out there, and a lot of other people have already made post on it.

The movie as a whole is just kinda one big missed opportunity. Not all of it was bad, it had some moments, some things that I even really enjoyed. I appreciated them building onto the force bonds, but I give that credit for Rian cause those wouldn’t have happened without him. And it also just bothers me that JJ really just tried to take the long way around and stretch things around to make it fit with what Rian wrote. When in reality you had a great set up. You have some kind of insight into Rey, that she is drawn to the dark. Ben is supreme leader now what could that mean, and what could Hux possibly be up to. We could have seen some of the rebuilding of the resistance. The idea that maybe it is time for the Jedi order to end, that Ben is right that it’s time to let old things die, the Jedi and sith. And they just messed with it to no end to kinda make sense but, took the most complicated and exhausting route to get to where they did.

My roommate and I literally sat for about an hour discussing what we would have done and realized we had a more cohesive story that lines up with where Rian left off. Like…they really used all their brain cells on how to make Rey being a Palpatine work when that didn’t have to be a thing, they focused all their energy on making Palpatine be part of the whole movie which was not necessary, for the whole plot.

So this isn’t left on an negative, everyone performance wise was amazing. All this above is not a reflection on any of the actors. Daisy showed some incredible growth as an actress and in Rey. Adam was amazing as always and is truly a genius when it comes to understanding his character. Oscar and John were on point, and as far as I know Finn and Poe end up settling down together and stormpilot is canon in my eyes. All my love to The ENTIRE cast.

I know this was a lot, if you actually read all of this I really appreciate it. A lot of this I needed to just get off my chest. I’ll probably have more things to say later on, maybe my mind will change after thinking about something. But for now this is it. Thanks for reading this, hope it all makes sense. I hate to ever say negative things, I like to be positive and optimistic but it’s better to not suppress any of these feeling either.

May the force be with all of you. Always.

[popwasabi]

What “The Dark Knight” says about our bad politics

Waaay back in the summer of 2008, me and my dad drove up to Northern California to attend San Jose State University’s freshman orientation.

It was a long drawn out process where first-year students basically were told and shown a bunch of things they would forget and relearn by their first day anyways and culminated with all of us spending one night in the campus dorms so we could all get a taste of the “campus life” experience.

I wanted it to end badly for a couple reasons. Being an introvert, I was not comfortable sharing a room with anyone, let alone a stranger, for a night but more importantly, I was being kept from the biggest movie premiere of the year that day: “The Dark Knight.”

As soon as I woke up the next morning, I rushed my dad to find the nearest theater and purchased tickets immediately for a late-night screening. I was already a huge fan of “Batman Begins” but every trailer to Christopher Nolan’s epic follow-up indicated we were in for an even bigger blockbuster than before and I was beyond pumped.

(Me getting the fuck off campus to watch “The Dark Knight” that day.)

Two and a half hours later I left the theater blown away by the experience. “The Dark Knight” was everything, at the time, I was hoping for in a comic book movie; angsty, dark, edgy (all things I thought I was as a teen), cinematically sharp, thrilling, a fantastic score once again by the legendary Hans Zimmer, and fulfilled just about every fanboy wet dream I had at the time for a perfect Batman movie.

To this day it remains the most satisfying theatrical experience I’ve ever had seeing a movie, not that it’s my favorite movie of all-time anymore, mind you, but that I have never gone into a movie with such high expectations and had them blown away quite like that since.

(Conversely, this^ was my most disappointing experience...)

I’m a different person now, of course. If you were to wipe my memory of the film and had to watch it again today I doubt I would have the same fanboygasm I had then as the cynical 30-year-old I am now but I’ll argue that “The Dark knight” still remains a high mark, if not the standard, for comic book movies today.

That said, parts of this film have definitely not aged well. Visually the film still holds up, the action is still exciting, the performances are all stellar (though Bale’s Batman voice is still bad) but what hasn’t aged well, for me, are the movie’s politics.

“The Dark Knight” is, of course, a post 9/11 movie, in fact, it’s arguably the definitive one as its pop-cultural footprint dwarfs pretty much all within its sub-genre. This Nolan sequel deals heavily in themes of terrorism with its iconic villain The Joker, played maniacally by the late great Heath ledger, wreaking havoc across Gotham with various explosive devices. Though the Clown Prince is more an anarchist than someone with an ideology, like those in Al Qaeda or the Taliban, the results of his beliefs/non-beliefs are more or less the same; cause pandemonium and fear in the masses. Batman, representing the power of justice and order, does battle with this in a war to save Gotham’s soul and again this is still a damn entertaining and thrilling story.

(Seriously, it’s still a rock solid entry in the comic book movie genre.)

But where the film’s 9/11 politics become problematic is toward the end of the film when the Joker begins his final act to plunge Gotham into unstoppable chaos. Batman becomes desperate; The Joker has eluded him at every turn, always two steps ahead of him, escaping justice no matter what Bruce Wayne does so he concocts a plan to finally to locate and stop the Joker for good.

He creates an elaborate sonar system using every cell phone in Gotham, effectively creating a massive surveillance state to spy on its citizens in order to locate the Joker.

(And it’s the only time we have ever got the real Batman eyes on screen, damn it!)

Lucius Fox, played by Morgan Freeman, appropriately calls this out telling him he’s wrong and that he cannot support this but Batman insists that it’s the only way. Fox reluctantly agrees and tells him he’ll resign once this is over as he can’t morally support such a system. The sonar, of course, works and Batman is able to stop the Clown Prince once and for all and upon Fox entering his name into the sonar computer the program dissolves and is deleted presumably for good.

This is of course to wash Batman’s hands of this deed to the audience. Our protagonist knows this is wrong, the audience is told it is wrong but by ending the surveillance he shows he would never abuse such a program, that sometimes good men have to do terrible things to defeat evil and that makes it ok.

For years, as a bleeding heart liberal (at the time) who grew up in the Bush years but loved the hell out of this movie, I tried to reconcile with this part of the story because Batman was the hero. I thought maybe this kind of action is ok because if the “good guy” is in charge bad stuff is fine because he/she won’t abuse such power. That’s real justice, right?

The problem is in the real world, at the top, there really aren’t any good guys and they are counting on you to believe that they are when they get a hold of such power because that’s how we are programmed.

The Patriot Act, which was the signature Bush-era reform post 9/11, created our current surveillance state. In the interest of national security and ensuring those “dern turrists don’t go killing lil’ Timmy riding his tricycle out in Des Moines, Iowa” our elected leaders, both republican and democratic (make no mistake), effectively signed away our constitutional rights to “ensure our safety” by spying on us basically without warrants. The proponents proudly claimed its necessity in fighting the “War on Terrorism” and those naysayers either shouldn’t worry “if you have nothing to hide” or worse were un-American Taliban sympathizers.

For progressives, of course, this was an evil violation of our civil liberties but for many conservatives, this wasn’t a big deal. They are just trying to keep us safe after all. 

But conveniently ignored by many on the left still today is the complicity they had in bringing about this era in warrantless surveillance. Yes, this policy started under Bush, of course, but it continued to be re-upped through the Obama administration and the Trump administration, not to mention revolving majorities in the House and Senate, showing no matter who was in charge they all liked the idea of keeping an eye on all of us with or without reason.

Considering the Patriot Act was made to win the “War on Terrorism” our leaders were never going to relinquish this power anyways because you can’t win a war on terrorism. Terrorism is not a country or a people, it’s an ideology behind many different ideologies. The US, no matter how you see it, be it as liberators or oppressors, will always have enemies and that’s all the reason they need to keep this power it seems.

Having the data on our lives mined like oil can easily be used against us in a variety of ways regardless of if any of us have terroristic or even criminal intentions. But for many in this country, it was only a problem if the wrong guy wielded that power. As soon as their “good guy” got in though, suddenly it was no big deal. I wonder why...

“The Dark Knight” puts forth a problematic view on who can and should wield supreme power, that even terrible choices can be made as long as the “right” person is the one making them.

Liberals are notorious for justifying them when it’s one of them who does it.

It’s a lie. A lie that both parties use to their advantage because they want you believe everything they do can be justified because you happen to be a part of their party; the “good guys” once again. But there is something extra cynical about the way liberals wield it as they parade themselves around as paragons and moral pillars against the Jokers of the Republican party.

For all the platitudes liberals give, that would make some superhero speeches seem benign, they wear masks about as well as the vigilantes do but not for the same reasons. When confronted by this blatant hypocrisy, liberal voters justify all kinds of horrible things as long as the other “bad guy” isn’t the one doing it. For all the shit Bush gets, and rightfully so, for plunging us into a military, financial, and humanitarian quagmire in the Middle East, Obama gets almost zero real pushback by liberals for effectively drone bombing the hell out of the same people. During these past three years Trump has more or less allowed ICE to run rampant on immigrant communities sure and liberals have been critical, again as they should, but who made the cages they were thrown into and who deported more of them during his first three years in office than Trump did?

(And once again, and I can’t emphasize this enough, Andrew Cuomo is NOT your fucking friend...)

Liberals often like to present themselves as the moral purveyors of good in the face of conservative opposition and they use it to their advantage to more or less do many of the same foul things those with R’s next to their name do. Sure, not all their actions are equally as evil but even then, we rarely truly hold either of our leaders feet to the fire because we believe their actions are somehow better because they have a “D” next to their name.

These horrific policies and actions will never see justice as long as we keep justifying them because the “right” person is behind them.

No, this is not an all sides are equally bad take. That discussion requires more nuance and for a different time, but I will say both sides are varying degrees of bad that should be taken seriously instead of not at all and can’t be pushed aside again and again and again because “the other guys are worse.” 

We are running into the same situation today as our presidential election features a credibly accused rapist, sexual predator, who supports Bush-era tax cuts, who takes money from major corporate lobbyists, who is against Medicare for All, has open disdain for millenials, and not only supports but openly bragged about the aforementioned The Patriot Act.

Hmmm, sounds an awful lot like someone we know, huh?

You could argue that one of these two men mitigates, or even vastly mitigates, harm if in office and I’m not here to necessarily scold you for making what you feel is morally the least awful choice but the point still remains; we are justifying evil again because our “good guy” is in charge.

Being liberal, just on its own, does not vastly minimize the problematic nature of a bad person.

Regardless of how you feel about this election and what choice you plan to make this November (and again, I’m not here to tell you what to do), bad things and bad policies will be continued to be enacted by bad people because that’s what choices we’ve been given. There isn’t a good one and the most vulnerable will be hurt the most by it regardless of who wins. There is a reason so many are disillusioned with voting and it’s not just voter suppression laws.

I can already hear some of you screaming “OH MER GERD pURiTy TeStS,” but this is far more cynical a standard we have than simply choosing a less than perfect candidate. Many are already making rather tone-deaf comments about people being “privileged” for choosing not to compromise their morals anymore. What’s “privileged” is voting for the guy who will do less harm for you but ultimately still disproportionately harm more people of color no matter who is in office.  

(The country and the world can really begin to truly heal when a Democrat is in charge of one of these Freedom Machines once again!)

Yes, I might agree that one is probably a net positive for the world at this point but to act like someone choosing to not participate anymore in what is effectively a never-ending cycle I can’t say I blame them either. At some point, our society has to draw a real line in the sand on these things with our leaders and force a more moral standard for our government instead of the status quo.

We can’t go on this endless “pragmatic” path picking “the lesser of two evils” until we gradually just become evil. You can make the argument that maybe the time isn’t now, and you might be right but when? These folks at the top are COUNTING on us accepting circumstances and justifying terrible beliefs and actions over and over again because of the state of our politics.

“The Dark Knight” believes that sometimes bad things must be done to defeat evil but the real world can be so much less cynical if we stopped compromising on our beliefs. It’s not entirely too late for us to do the right thing. We can’t go on forever letting bad behavior go because the “good guy” will be the one doing it instead of the other one.

Taking money from corrupt billionaires is wrong. Extra-judicially drone bombing the Middle East endlessly is wrong. Throwing migrants in cages like fucking animals is wrong. Rape and sexual assault are wrong. Mass warrantless surveillance is wrong. Doesn’t matter if its Batman or fucking Superman doing any of these things; immoral behavior cannot and should not be ever justified.

Otherwise, we really will live long enough to see ourselves become the villain...

Looking forward to the comments on this one...