#sir those are my emotional support better adjusted teenagers with a support network and who are able to overcome their trauma to be together

[im-the-punk-who]

WIP Wednesday (a day late and a dollar short)

Just a snippet from Tying Rockets to Shoe Strings that gives me a lot of feelings. LOOK AT THEM THEY’RE BABIES.

“How could I have been safer with him?” 

“I’m sorry.” It’s soft, and small, and he knows she means it. It doesn’t make it hurt any less. He walks out of the room, feeling numb and maybe a lot betrayed. He’d always hoped that his mother had a reason to leave him. That she hadn’t been able to take him with her even though she’d wanted to. Now, having that reason, he finds it doesn’t help and it just makes him feel hollow and bitter and empty. 

He wishes Michael was here. Not that it would help how he’s feeling. But being around Michael always just...helps. But Michael is three hours away and probably in class, so Alex just opens up his phone and stares at the screen - stares at the empty bars on the corner that signals the reception is as poor as always in the house. 

He walks out of the small building, not really intending to look for reception, just not wanting to be in the space. He makes his way over to the sheep, who are grazing with Mozzy and Ollie nearby. He gives both of the giant dogs a scratch behind the ears and sits down with them. Mozzy wanders closer, sitting next to him and leaning heavily against his side. 

“Thanks boy.” He murmurs. 

He isn’t sure how much time passes, but a faint buzz sounds in his pocket that pulls him out of the blank thoughts. It’s from Michael, and Alex almost drops the phone to read it.

Michael:

 <3 If I drive out to see you tonight is that totally pathetic?

Alex:

I could actually really use a night away from the Rez, I think. 

The circle indicating the message has sent hasn’t even disappeared from the screen when his phone starts buzzing again, this time with an incoming call. Alex slouches down to not risk losing the spotty reception and answers. 

“You okay?” Are the first words out of Michael’s mouth and Alex smiles , despite himself.

“Sort of. Mom...told me some stuff and I guess I’m processing.” The call isn’t super clear, but he’ll take what he can get. 

“I can be there in...two and a half hours.” 

Alex raises his eyebrow even though Michael can’t see him. But Michael apparently knows him too well, because he sheepishly adds. 

“I may already be on my way.” 

Alex laughs as affection bubbles up in his chest. Michael is ridiculous, but it goes a long way towards making him feel less alone, somehow. Knowing Michael was also missing him. 

--

When Michael pulls up to the house a few hours later, Alex has managed to wrangle his emotions enough to throw a change of clothes in his bag and let his mom know he would be with Michael for the night. She looks sad, and he feels bad about that. But she lets him go without a word. 

Michael doesn’t turn back towards Albuquerque though, instead heading out further into the desert. 

“Where are we going?” Alex asks as the truck bounces and jostles along the unpaved rock. 

“I don’t wanna just turn around and go back to class. I came out here to spend time with you, not my Chem201 textbook.” 

Alex looks away out the window, feeling a little bit vulnerable, like always, in the face of Michael’s honesty. It’s not an uncomfortable silence that follows - the bump and rattle of the truck over the terrain fills the void - but Alex can tell Michael wants to ask him something more. 

“What did your mom tell you?”

Alex lets out a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding on a sigh.

“She said....” he trails off, looking out at the desert again. It seems so normal. Like nothing has ever been disturbed there, let alone something like radiation. Wasn’t that for nuclear waste dumps? “I asked her why she left me with my dad.” 

Michael tenses - Alex can feel it in the way the truck momentarily shifts sideways as the wheel locks up in his hands. But he doesn’t say anything, just waits for Alex to continue. It takes a while for the words to come.

“She said she didn’t take us because it wasn’t safe here - some bullshit about poison or something that has been killing her family. But she came here -” he trails off.

“Maybe she didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

“I didn’t either,” Alex shoots back, a little hurt that it seems like Michael is taking her side. 

“Hey, I know.” Alex looks over at the tone in Michael’s voice to see Michael looking at him. His eyes are wide and earnest, with that hint of mischief that seems like it’s ever present. Michael looks serious, but that twinkle won’t fucking go away. “Did she say what it was? It’s safe for you here, now, right?”

“She said the government fixed it. That it was from some radioactive mining project or something they did.”

“Wait, when was this? Did she say what caused the radioactivity?” 

“I don’t know. She said it killed my grandfather, though.”

“Alex...”

“I just...so I could have gotten sick. But at least maybe I wouldn’t be...I don’t know. Like this.”

“I like who you are.” Michael has stopped the truck and he unbuckles his seatbelt to turn towards Alex. “If she had taken you, we never would have met. And it’s not like...” “She could have kept in touch. Done...something. I was alone for so long.” Alex stares at his hands, clenching his fists against the anger. “I just wish I knew why she thought my dad was the better option.” 

Michael’s arms envelop his shoulders, and he feels Michael’s forehead rest gently against the side of his face. 

“It’s not that ... god I don’t know what I’d be doing if we’d never met.” Michael’s arms tighten briefly around him. “But I just wish he hadn’t had so much power over all of our lives.”

They sit in the truck, Michael’s arms around Alex, and Alex brings his hands up to grip the arm around his chest. It doesn’t make him any less angry, but it’s easier, somehow, to acknowledge all the thoughts swirling in his head. When he can just pretend he can hide in Michael’s arms.

“I hope...if we ever find your family. I hope they’re not as fucked up as mine.”

Michael laughs.

“That’s a pretty low bar.” It’s not unkind, and Alex laughs along with him. 

“You know, I used to be so obsessed with finding them. I’d spend every fucking night out in the desert looking for any clue of where they were. I felt like I’d never belong anywhere unless I was with them.”

“What changed?”

Michael pulls away and Alex turns to look into his eyes. The emotion there is one that Alex is starting to recognize as love, but that doesn’t mean he’s any less terrified of it.

“I met you.” 

And it feels like something is gripping his lungs and making it impossible to breath, at the implications of that. Michael continues, a wry, amused smile on his lips. 

“I guess, after that, it didn’t matter as much why they left me. Why they hadn’t come back. I didn’t need them to feel like I belonged, because I felt that with you.” He pauses. Alex looks out the windshield. “I guess...I don’t know. It sucks, that your dad is literally a murdering fuckhead and your mom left you with him. But...I guess I just don’t think it has to define you, y’know?”