#sirenloverproblems

[thelorelounge]

SIRENS vs. SELKIES: DATING EDITION

Dating a Siren:

You think you're in a relationship, but really you're starring in their tragic three-act opera called "You Were Too Weak Anyway."

Compliments are suspiciously double-edged. ("You're the most tolerable human I've ever seduced.")

Constantly cancels plans by causing small localized storms.

Flirts like it’s a competitive blood sport.

Kiss is perfect. Mind is not safe. Ship? Sunk. Heart? Shipwrecked beyond repair.

Relationship Perks: ✅ 10/10 jawline and voice. ✅ You will never lose an argument because you'll never get a word in. ✅ Emergency excuse to ghost your friends ("sorry, trapped under a glamour spell again!")

Relationship Risks: ❌ Will emotionally manipulate you with a minor chord progression. ❌ Calls you "my pet" and somehow it's not cute. ❌ You end up writing their breakup album.

Dating a Selkie:

Feels like living inside an indie folk music video, except you’re always two seconds away from being left for the sea.

Their love language is "giving you sad looks across the shoreline."

Extremely affectionate… until you look at their sealskin wrong. Then you’re on emotional probation for six months.

Best cuddles you'll ever experience. Worst abandonment issues you'll ever survive.

Relationship Perks: ✅ Absolute masters of cozy domesticity (until they vanish into mist). ✅ Will sing you to sleep (and maybe weep gently about lost oceans, but it's very romantic if you squint). ✅ Your Instagram will be ethereal as hell.

Relationship Risks: ❌ Their ex is probably the Atlantic Ocean. Good luck competing. ❌ You’re one misplaced coat away from being single and heartbroken. ❌ 90% chance they’ll vanish during your wedding vows.

Final Dating Tip: If you want intense passion, devastating betrayal, and poetic last words? Date a siren. If you want tender snuggles, whispered regrets, and eventually being abandoned at low tide? Date a selkie.

Or, you know, maybe just date a nice kelpie instead and hope they don’t drown you. (Folklore dating is HARD, okay.)